White Dresses and Dead People 1/4
Title: White Dresses and Dead People
Fandom: Veronica Mars (my first!)
Pairing/Characters: Lamb/Veronica, mentions of Keith and Wallace
Rating: R
Summary: Veronica is going crazy and she doesn't know why.
Feedback is greatly appreciated.
and everyday she runs it through her mind again and again, and she's sitting there in her white dress, staring at him, trying not to cry but it doesn't make any difference because when she looks at him and can't see herself reflected back in his eyes and can't see the man she dramatically declared to her diary at the age of 12 was her first love, The One (she remembers capitalizing it like that), who took those silly pictures two years ago at Christmas of her and her dad wearing those silly matching hats, the tears start to slide down her face no matter how hard she tries to keep them in. Because he's laughing at her. When he'd had to look after her one day when Keith was out on duty late night and her mother was away with friends, she'd told him about how the boy she'd had a crush on (she can even remember his name: Ethan Reiner, who got caught kissing another boy freshman year in the locker room,) had called her a bitch and Lamb'd told her that if any snot-nosed kid fucked with her he'd kick the crap out of them. And oh, how thirteen year old Veronica Mars glowed, for days it felt like, and she didn't realize until she sat in front of him, tears spilling out of her, after all the things he'd said, she'd still been glowing, right up to this moment.
She wants so badly to lay down on the floor and die when she remembers these things, but in all of her instant replays she imagines clawing out his eyes and slamming his face down on what used to be her father's desk, those violent thoughts that are usually pushed aside for more pleasant things. In these fantasies she watches him bleed, crying "I take it back! I take it back!" because all she really wants is none of these things; what she really wants she pushes down, burying them under the hate and contempt and betrayal: for him to put his arm around her shoulders like he used to, to promise to find who did it and to beat the crap out of them for her. For her, that's the most important part. She still thinks about it, even after Duncan admits it, even after Cassidy admits it. And now she doesn't trust anyone, because it's all disappointment in the end: her mother, Logan, all of them were expected.
Now it's been one week, three days and two hours since she found out he died and all she can imagine is her white dress, spotted with blood so bright it hurts to look at it. And now those blood spots are everywhere. "Go see the Wizard," she thinks. And soon that's all she thinks.
*****
She hasn't slept in a week. She's amazed she caught Tim Foyle at all. If he hadn't been so ham-fisted with the bug and the information, she never would have known. Lamb was whispering in her ear that she was cracking up, that Veronica Mars was finally losing it. She fails her history test.
Every night she stares up at the ceiling and the blood spots come back to her.
*****
Another week passes. She stares at the clock, watching the night slide past her, minute by minute.
She fails her Criminology test.
*****
Wallace is always asking how she is. He's worried about her.
She always tells him "Fine, just tired."
It's the kind of sloppy lie that would get her caught in real life, but real life is starting to disintegrate around her, like so much colored sand.
*****
She looks in the mirror and there he is. Lamb is standing next to her reflection. He is wearing his uniform and a knit green cap that reads "Merry Christmas". Both are covered in blood. His hair under the cap is matted with it and insanely enough (was this madness ever going to end?) he was singing, sounding a little drunk. "Why do birds suddenly appear/Every time you are near?/Just like me, they long to be/Close to you...."
She wheeled around to see him, to ask him why. But there's nothing there, no birds, no blood, no dead sheriff.
*****
Another week passes, and she sees him three more times.
:tbc:
Fandom: Veronica Mars (my first!)
Pairing/Characters: Lamb/Veronica, mentions of Keith and Wallace
Rating: R
Summary: Veronica is going crazy and she doesn't know why.
Feedback is greatly appreciated.
and everyday she runs it through her mind again and again, and she's sitting there in her white dress, staring at him, trying not to cry but it doesn't make any difference because when she looks at him and can't see herself reflected back in his eyes and can't see the man she dramatically declared to her diary at the age of 12 was her first love, The One (she remembers capitalizing it like that), who took those silly pictures two years ago at Christmas of her and her dad wearing those silly matching hats, the tears start to slide down her face no matter how hard she tries to keep them in. Because he's laughing at her. When he'd had to look after her one day when Keith was out on duty late night and her mother was away with friends, she'd told him about how the boy she'd had a crush on (she can even remember his name: Ethan Reiner, who got caught kissing another boy freshman year in the locker room,) had called her a bitch and Lamb'd told her that if any snot-nosed kid fucked with her he'd kick the crap out of them. And oh, how thirteen year old Veronica Mars glowed, for days it felt like, and she didn't realize until she sat in front of him, tears spilling out of her, after all the things he'd said, she'd still been glowing, right up to this moment.
She wants so badly to lay down on the floor and die when she remembers these things, but in all of her instant replays she imagines clawing out his eyes and slamming his face down on what used to be her father's desk, those violent thoughts that are usually pushed aside for more pleasant things. In these fantasies she watches him bleed, crying "I take it back! I take it back!" because all she really wants is none of these things; what she really wants she pushes down, burying them under the hate and contempt and betrayal: for him to put his arm around her shoulders like he used to, to promise to find who did it and to beat the crap out of them for her. For her, that's the most important part. She still thinks about it, even after Duncan admits it, even after Cassidy admits it. And now she doesn't trust anyone, because it's all disappointment in the end: her mother, Logan, all of them were expected.
Now it's been one week, three days and two hours since she found out he died and all she can imagine is her white dress, spotted with blood so bright it hurts to look at it. And now those blood spots are everywhere. "Go see the Wizard," she thinks. And soon that's all she thinks.
*****
She hasn't slept in a week. She's amazed she caught Tim Foyle at all. If he hadn't been so ham-fisted with the bug and the information, she never would have known. Lamb was whispering in her ear that she was cracking up, that Veronica Mars was finally losing it. She fails her history test.
Every night she stares up at the ceiling and the blood spots come back to her.
*****
Another week passes. She stares at the clock, watching the night slide past her, minute by minute.
She fails her Criminology test.
*****
Wallace is always asking how she is. He's worried about her.
She always tells him "Fine, just tired."
It's the kind of sloppy lie that would get her caught in real life, but real life is starting to disintegrate around her, like so much colored sand.
*****
She looks in the mirror and there he is. Lamb is standing next to her reflection. He is wearing his uniform and a knit green cap that reads "Merry Christmas". Both are covered in blood. His hair under the cap is matted with it and insanely enough (was this madness ever going to end?) he was singing, sounding a little drunk. "Why do birds suddenly appear/Every time you are near?/Just like me, they long to be/Close to you...."
She wheeled around to see him, to ask him why. But there's nothing there, no birds, no blood, no dead sheriff.
*****
Another week passes, and she sees him three more times.
:tbc: