Amends (Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, R)
Title: Amends
Author/Artist: thinlizzy2
Rating: R
Warnings: Sex with multiple partners
Word count: 745
Summary: No matter what either of them does, Dean won’t forget.
A/N: Written for the Written for the springkink May 14th prompt - Supernatural, Dean/Castiel; Break-up, pining, longing - It's over / You don't need to tell me / I hope you're with someone who makes you feel safe in your sleeping tonight
The guilt gnaws at him like the teeth of hellhounds. To have betrayed Heaven, betrayed his brothers, betrayed God himself - all of these are nothing. To have betrayed Dean, this is the intolerable act. The need to make restitution follows Castiel like a persistent ghost wherever he goes, supping from his grace and filling his mind with despair. Somehow, he must make this better.
He begins with women. Those have always been to Dean’s liking, after all. He sends Dean the sort of leggy blondes he used to lust for in bars; he steers the girls who pose in Busty Asian Beauties and similar publications into his path. Dean is enthusiastic at first; he crows about his luck as they climb into the car beside him. But, in time, his joy sputters and dies.
It always happens.
And so, before long, Dean begins ignoring the woman licking her lips at him from across the room and the pretty girl who reveals her underpants as she bends over the pool table. And Castiel looks desperately around for a solution.
*
He finds it in Maya, an attractive brunette with two little boys. Of course - he should have remembered. Dean takes to the children right away, and they to him. There are baseball games and barbecues and Dean spends an evening learning how to make leather wallets from a grown man wearing a fairly ridiculous outfit. Castiel aches in a place he cannot name, but seeing Dean’s smile bloom once again is worth the pain.
Until Maya finally leads him to her bed.
And it happens again.
They bid goodbye in the morning with quiet mumbles and averted eyes. Maya says something about just not being who Dean needs, and he only nods as he heads down the path.
**
So Castiel tries men. He hates it; for some reason it hurts much more to see Dean kiss or touch or fuck a man. But Dean stumbles towards the suitors Castiel sends his way with a kind of desperate gratitude, and so he continues to steer Dean towards them.
And Dean takes them all.
He has begun to fuck strangers with the destructive determination of a junkie chasing after a fix. It’s not just motel rooms and the backs of cars anymore; Dean will take sex in ditches beside abandoned roads or in the filthy restrooms of gas stations. Castiel is careful to choose men who are clean and reasonably gentle, but he worries. If he didn’t make sure someone appropriate was always available, Dean would just select the nearest warm and willing body. He is anyone’s for a night, and in the morning he is no one’s.
Because it just keeps happening.
***
Castiel begins to fear that the guilt will drive him back to madness if he cannot find a way to make it abate.
He gives up on finding human lovers for Dean; for whatever reason, none of them will do. Instead, he recruits new paramours for Dean from the ranks of supernatural creatures. Some of them haven’t interacted with humans for centuries. He offers up the fish-spangled temptresses that sailors drowned for and wakes cat-eyed Egyptian beauties from their slumber. They visit Dean is his dreams and do things to him that would be impossible in waking life, vanishing into mist before he opens his eyes. These lovers all vary greatly but are united by one thing. None of them can make Dean happy.
When they fail to work, Castiel builds new suitors himself from the depths of Dean’s imagination: blushing virgins, insatiable vixens, dark-haired men with faces he always has to alter just a little bit to avoid raising suspicions. These fantasies-made-flesh should, by definition, be ideal.
But, somehow, they are not.
Because Dean rolls away, apologies catching in his throat as he whispers “Castiel” to his pillow.
It will always happen now.
Author/Artist: thinlizzy2
Rating: R
Warnings: Sex with multiple partners
Word count: 745
Summary: No matter what either of them does, Dean won’t forget.
A/N: Written for the Written for the springkink May 14th prompt - Supernatural, Dean/Castiel; Break-up, pining, longing - It's over / You don't need to tell me / I hope you're with someone who makes you feel safe in your sleeping tonight
The guilt gnaws at him like the teeth of hellhounds. To have betrayed Heaven, betrayed his brothers, betrayed God himself - all of these are nothing. To have betrayed Dean, this is the intolerable act. The need to make restitution follows Castiel like a persistent ghost wherever he goes, supping from his grace and filling his mind with despair. Somehow, he must make this better.
He begins with women. Those have always been to Dean’s liking, after all. He sends Dean the sort of leggy blondes he used to lust for in bars; he steers the girls who pose in Busty Asian Beauties and similar publications into his path. Dean is enthusiastic at first; he crows about his luck as they climb into the car beside him. But, in time, his joy sputters and dies.
It always happens.
And so, before long, Dean begins ignoring the woman licking her lips at him from across the room and the pretty girl who reveals her underpants as she bends over the pool table. And Castiel looks desperately around for a solution.
*
He finds it in Maya, an attractive brunette with two little boys. Of course - he should have remembered. Dean takes to the children right away, and they to him. There are baseball games and barbecues and Dean spends an evening learning how to make leather wallets from a grown man wearing a fairly ridiculous outfit. Castiel aches in a place he cannot name, but seeing Dean’s smile bloom once again is worth the pain.
Until Maya finally leads him to her bed.
And it happens again.
They bid goodbye in the morning with quiet mumbles and averted eyes. Maya says something about just not being who Dean needs, and he only nods as he heads down the path.
**
So Castiel tries men. He hates it; for some reason it hurts much more to see Dean kiss or touch or fuck a man. But Dean stumbles towards the suitors Castiel sends his way with a kind of desperate gratitude, and so he continues to steer Dean towards them.
And Dean takes them all.
He has begun to fuck strangers with the destructive determination of a junkie chasing after a fix. It’s not just motel rooms and the backs of cars anymore; Dean will take sex in ditches beside abandoned roads or in the filthy restrooms of gas stations. Castiel is careful to choose men who are clean and reasonably gentle, but he worries. If he didn’t make sure someone appropriate was always available, Dean would just select the nearest warm and willing body. He is anyone’s for a night, and in the morning he is no one’s.
Because it just keeps happening.
***
Castiel begins to fear that the guilt will drive him back to madness if he cannot find a way to make it abate.
He gives up on finding human lovers for Dean; for whatever reason, none of them will do. Instead, he recruits new paramours for Dean from the ranks of supernatural creatures. Some of them haven’t interacted with humans for centuries. He offers up the fish-spangled temptresses that sailors drowned for and wakes cat-eyed Egyptian beauties from their slumber. They visit Dean is his dreams and do things to him that would be impossible in waking life, vanishing into mist before he opens his eyes. These lovers all vary greatly but are united by one thing. None of them can make Dean happy.
When they fail to work, Castiel builds new suitors himself from the depths of Dean’s imagination: blushing virgins, insatiable vixens, dark-haired men with faces he always has to alter just a little bit to avoid raising suspicions. These fantasies-made-flesh should, by definition, be ideal.
But, somehow, they are not.
Because Dean rolls away, apologies catching in his throat as he whispers “Castiel” to his pillow.
It will always happen now.