Another Fic by Lilithbint
Here's another ficlet by lilithbint, who so generously wrote it based on a request I gave her at nekid_spike; she's given permission for me to re-post it here. I love it to pieces and wish with all my heart that this had been canon.
The Lost by Lilithangel (aka lilithbint)
http://community.livejournal.com/nekid_spike/2789701.html
Characters: Spike, Fred, Dawn, Xander
Rating: PG
Setting: alternate reality BtVS Season 7 / AtS Season 4
Summary: Fred takes a call from Sunnydale and goes to find the recently ensouled Spike in the basement.
The Lost
She shouldn’t have come to Sunnydale on her own, she knew that. Angel wouldn’t be very happy with her, but Angel was missing and couldn’t help. Gunn was angry and didn’t care about Sunnydale, and Wesley wasn’t allowed to be a part of things yet. She should be back in L.A helping to find Angel and Cordelia but she felt so helpless and the girl on the phone had been insistent that Angel had to take care of this.
“Where’s Angel?” the girl demanded when Fred arrived at the school.
“He’s missing,” Fred replied, “don’t worry, I can help, really I can.”
“Just so long as you get rid of him,” the girl, Dawn, sniffed, “Buffy trusts him but I know he hurt her.”
“Buffy’s the slayer right?” Fred said, trying to make sense of what she knew. “Spike’s a vampire that she didn’t slay because he was helpless against humans.” She had learned that much from Wesley before things went bad; he really didn’t like talking about Sunnydale but had kept up with events as best he could. “And Spike’s related to Angel in some way which is why you think Angel should deal with him.”
“Pretty much,” Dawn said. “He looked after me when Buffy was gone but when she came back everything went wrong. It wasn’t supposed to go wrong, that’s not why we brought her back.”
“Angel said she was brought back from the dead,” Fred said, losing some of her nervousness in her interest, “that’s pretty dangerous magic.”
“That’s not what went wrong,” Dawn insisted, “we thought she was in a hell dimension, they had to do something. Spike shouldn’t have hurt her.”
“Why doesn’t somebody just kill him?” Fred asked curiously.
Dawn seemed to shrink into herself. “Buffy doesn’t want him dead, but I can’t let him hurt her again,” she repeated almost to herself.
“What did you want Angel to do,” Fred asked, “kill him?”
“Take him away,” Dawn said, “take him far away from Buffy.”
“He still can’t hurt humans though?” Fred said cautiously, she didn’t think she could take on a deranged vampire on her own.
Dawn shook her head. “I don’t think he’s been eating. Xander wouldn’t let me stay too long but he’s watching Spike.”
Dawn led Fred down to the basement and they clambered through to the abandoned lockers where Xander stood awkwardly watching a huddled figure.
“He hasn’t moved,” Xander said as they arrived and he sounded relieved, “just curled up there muttering to himself. Where’s Angel?”
“Angel couldn’t come,” Fred said absently, staring at the figure.
“You’re still going to get rid of him, right?” Xander asked.
Fred ignored him and moved closer to the figure kneeling down and reached out to touch his shoulder. Spike flinched at the touch and tried to scrabble into the wall. Scared blue eyes looked at her with confusion.
“You’re new,” Spike said, “you shouldn’t be here. Do you have a pass? You can’t be here without a pass.”
Fred couldn’t reconcile the broken figure in front of her with the stories she’d heard or with the hatred she could feel coming from Xander and the fear from Dawn.
“I don’t think you belong here,” she said to Spike. “Do you have a pass?” she took a risk in his madness.
“Belong in the dark,” Spike said, “with the other bad dead things.” His fingers fumbled in the pockets of his jeans but only came up with a button and a crushed daisy. “I had a pass,” he said and the sorrow in his eyes broke her heart. “Everything’s lost. They say I should stay here, it’s coming and I should stay.”
“I don’t think you should,” she said gently and touched his hand softly. He flinched as if he expected her to hurt him and she could only feel sorry for him, not fear.
“Dirty little boys should be punished,” he said solemnly, “hurt the girl. Tried to make it right but they show me I can’t. It can’t ever be right.”
“You should come with me,” she said firmly. “It doesn’t feel very nice down here.” She shivered because it really didn’t. Spike shook his head but didn’t resist when she stood up and pulled him to his feet.
“Don’t trust him,” Xander said from where he still stood, “he’s still an evil soulless thing.”
“Whatever he is, whatever he’s done,” Fred said coolly, “I think he’s paying for it now.” She looked at the scabbed-over scratches on his face and hands, and the thin, almost brittle bones in his wrists showing a hunger she was all too familiar with.
“He tried to hurt Buffy,” Xander said equally as coolly, “and he’s a monster who’s killed thousands of people without any guilt. Somehow I can’t bring myself to care.”
“Then what does that make you?” Fred asked.
Dawn’s expression was conflicted as Fred led Spike out of the basement and she turned away when Spike looked at her. Fred could feel Spike shrink further into himself but the expression on his face suggested he expected it and understood.
Fred was grateful that she’d hired a car rather than borrowed Gunn’s truck as she coaxed Spike into the backseat and covered him with a blanket. Xander watched, his face a mask of disdain, with Dawn hovering at his side.
“I was sent to a dimension where humans were nothing more than slaves by a man I trusted,” she said to him. “I was called a cow and hunted for sport but a vampire saved me. I wasn’t the reason he was there but he fought for me. Wesley told me that Spike had been helping here even when he didn’t have to. I always thought that the most important thing about being human is our capacity for kindness but I’m fast losing that belief.”
“Wait,” Dawn said suddenly. She ran back into the school leaving Fred and Xander to stare at each other in silence. Dawn returned and thrust a black leather jacket into Fred’s hands. “This is his,” she said, “He might want it again.”
“He took that from the body of the slayer he killed,” Xander said, “tell me again about kindness.”
“It doesn’t matter what others do,” Fred said as she climbed into the car, “we can only control what we ourselves do and you mister should seriously consider an attitude adjustment.” She drove away before he could reply.
Fred knew that Spike was a vampire on some sort of electronic leash and she had to admit the technology was a big part of why she’d come to Sunnydale, but once she’d seen Spike and seen how broken he was she just knew she had to do something. The expression in his eyes had been the same one she’d seen in Angel’s the few times he’d talked about his past; guilt and shame mixed with so much pain she just couldn’t understand how anyone could leave him like that.
Spike had started to shake when they drove away but when they left the outskirts of Sunnydale he became calmer. Since she couldn’t see him in the rear view mirror she had to risk the occasional glance behind her to see how he was faring. Fred knew what it was like to be broken and she wanted the chance to help. She suspected that Angel wouldn’t be very happy but maybe if Spike had been willing to help Buffy he might be willing to help them; god knows they needed the help, everything was going so terribly wrong. Fred had a feeling that just maybe Spike could make the difference.
END
The Lost by Lilithangel (aka lilithbint)
http://community.livejournal.com/nekid_spike/2789701.html
Characters: Spike, Fred, Dawn, Xander
Rating: PG
Setting: alternate reality BtVS Season 7 / AtS Season 4
Summary: Fred takes a call from Sunnydale and goes to find the recently ensouled Spike in the basement.
The Lost
She shouldn’t have come to Sunnydale on her own, she knew that. Angel wouldn’t be very happy with her, but Angel was missing and couldn’t help. Gunn was angry and didn’t care about Sunnydale, and Wesley wasn’t allowed to be a part of things yet. She should be back in L.A helping to find Angel and Cordelia but she felt so helpless and the girl on the phone had been insistent that Angel had to take care of this.
“Where’s Angel?” the girl demanded when Fred arrived at the school.
“He’s missing,” Fred replied, “don’t worry, I can help, really I can.”
“Just so long as you get rid of him,” the girl, Dawn, sniffed, “Buffy trusts him but I know he hurt her.”
“Buffy’s the slayer right?” Fred said, trying to make sense of what she knew. “Spike’s a vampire that she didn’t slay because he was helpless against humans.” She had learned that much from Wesley before things went bad; he really didn’t like talking about Sunnydale but had kept up with events as best he could. “And Spike’s related to Angel in some way which is why you think Angel should deal with him.”
“Pretty much,” Dawn said. “He looked after me when Buffy was gone but when she came back everything went wrong. It wasn’t supposed to go wrong, that’s not why we brought her back.”
“Angel said she was brought back from the dead,” Fred said, losing some of her nervousness in her interest, “that’s pretty dangerous magic.”
“That’s not what went wrong,” Dawn insisted, “we thought she was in a hell dimension, they had to do something. Spike shouldn’t have hurt her.”
“Why doesn’t somebody just kill him?” Fred asked curiously.
Dawn seemed to shrink into herself. “Buffy doesn’t want him dead, but I can’t let him hurt her again,” she repeated almost to herself.
“What did you want Angel to do,” Fred asked, “kill him?”
“Take him away,” Dawn said, “take him far away from Buffy.”
“He still can’t hurt humans though?” Fred said cautiously, she didn’t think she could take on a deranged vampire on her own.
Dawn shook her head. “I don’t think he’s been eating. Xander wouldn’t let me stay too long but he’s watching Spike.”
Dawn led Fred down to the basement and they clambered through to the abandoned lockers where Xander stood awkwardly watching a huddled figure.
“He hasn’t moved,” Xander said as they arrived and he sounded relieved, “just curled up there muttering to himself. Where’s Angel?”
“Angel couldn’t come,” Fred said absently, staring at the figure.
“You’re still going to get rid of him, right?” Xander asked.
Fred ignored him and moved closer to the figure kneeling down and reached out to touch his shoulder. Spike flinched at the touch and tried to scrabble into the wall. Scared blue eyes looked at her with confusion.
“You’re new,” Spike said, “you shouldn’t be here. Do you have a pass? You can’t be here without a pass.”
Fred couldn’t reconcile the broken figure in front of her with the stories she’d heard or with the hatred she could feel coming from Xander and the fear from Dawn.
“I don’t think you belong here,” she said to Spike. “Do you have a pass?” she took a risk in his madness.
“Belong in the dark,” Spike said, “with the other bad dead things.” His fingers fumbled in the pockets of his jeans but only came up with a button and a crushed daisy. “I had a pass,” he said and the sorrow in his eyes broke her heart. “Everything’s lost. They say I should stay here, it’s coming and I should stay.”
“I don’t think you should,” she said gently and touched his hand softly. He flinched as if he expected her to hurt him and she could only feel sorry for him, not fear.
“Dirty little boys should be punished,” he said solemnly, “hurt the girl. Tried to make it right but they show me I can’t. It can’t ever be right.”
“You should come with me,” she said firmly. “It doesn’t feel very nice down here.” She shivered because it really didn’t. Spike shook his head but didn’t resist when she stood up and pulled him to his feet.
“Don’t trust him,” Xander said from where he still stood, “he’s still an evil soulless thing.”
“Whatever he is, whatever he’s done,” Fred said coolly, “I think he’s paying for it now.” She looked at the scabbed-over scratches on his face and hands, and the thin, almost brittle bones in his wrists showing a hunger she was all too familiar with.
“He tried to hurt Buffy,” Xander said equally as coolly, “and he’s a monster who’s killed thousands of people without any guilt. Somehow I can’t bring myself to care.”
“Then what does that make you?” Fred asked.
Dawn’s expression was conflicted as Fred led Spike out of the basement and she turned away when Spike looked at her. Fred could feel Spike shrink further into himself but the expression on his face suggested he expected it and understood.
Fred was grateful that she’d hired a car rather than borrowed Gunn’s truck as she coaxed Spike into the backseat and covered him with a blanket. Xander watched, his face a mask of disdain, with Dawn hovering at his side.
“I was sent to a dimension where humans were nothing more than slaves by a man I trusted,” she said to him. “I was called a cow and hunted for sport but a vampire saved me. I wasn’t the reason he was there but he fought for me. Wesley told me that Spike had been helping here even when he didn’t have to. I always thought that the most important thing about being human is our capacity for kindness but I’m fast losing that belief.”
“Wait,” Dawn said suddenly. She ran back into the school leaving Fred and Xander to stare at each other in silence. Dawn returned and thrust a black leather jacket into Fred’s hands. “This is his,” she said, “He might want it again.”
“He took that from the body of the slayer he killed,” Xander said, “tell me again about kindness.”
“It doesn’t matter what others do,” Fred said as she climbed into the car, “we can only control what we ourselves do and you mister should seriously consider an attitude adjustment.” She drove away before he could reply.
Fred knew that Spike was a vampire on some sort of electronic leash and she had to admit the technology was a big part of why she’d come to Sunnydale, but once she’d seen Spike and seen how broken he was she just knew she had to do something. The expression in his eyes had been the same one she’d seen in Angel’s the few times he’d talked about his past; guilt and shame mixed with so much pain she just couldn’t understand how anyone could leave him like that.
Spike had started to shake when they drove away but when they left the outskirts of Sunnydale he became calmer. Since she couldn’t see him in the rear view mirror she had to risk the occasional glance behind her to see how he was faring. Fred knew what it was like to be broken and she wanted the chance to help. She suspected that Angel wouldn’t be very happy but maybe if Spike had been willing to help Buffy he might be willing to help them; god knows they needed the help, everything was going so terribly wrong. Fred had a feeling that just maybe Spike could make the difference.
END