(no subject)
DEAR BOBBY/EVIL!BOBBY,
I AM SORRY. I DID NOT MEAN TO HURT YOU. I DID NOT REALIZE THAT COUNTED AS CHEATING (IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ANGRY ABOUT). I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED BUT I HAVEN'T EXACTLY EVER BEEN IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP OR WHATEVER IT WAS THAT WE HAVEHAD. IN ALL THE MILLENNIA I'VE BEEN AROUND, RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE HAVE NEVER BEEN SOMETHING I'VE BEEN PARTICULARLY CONCERNED WITH. MY EXISTENCE HAS ALWAYS BEEN BUILT AROUND TORTURE SO I KNOW MUCH MORE ABOUT HURTING PEOPLE THAN I DO ABOUT MAKING THEM HAPPY.
I WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU. YOU'RE ONE OF THE MANY FEW PEOPLE I DO NOT WANT TO EVER HURT [AND TRUST ME, THAT LIST IS EXTREMELY SHORT]. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU'D LIKE TO DO TO ME IF IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER; SHOOT ME, EXORCISE ME, TORTURE ME, ANYTHING. I DESERVE IT FOR UPSETTING YOU.
I AM SORRY. I DID NOT MEAN TO HURT YOU. I DID NOT REALIZE THAT COUNTED AS CHEATING (IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ANGRY ABOUT). I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED BUT I HAVEN'T EXACTLY EVER BEEN IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP OR WHATEVER IT WAS THAT WE HAVEHAD. IN ALL THE MILLENNIA I'VE BEEN AROUND, RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE HAVE NEVER BEEN SOMETHING I'VE BEEN PARTICULARLY CONCERNED WITH. MY EXISTENCE HAS ALWAYS BEEN BUILT AROUND TORTURE SO I KNOW MUCH MORE ABOUT HURTING PEOPLE THAN I DO ABOUT MAKING THEM HAPPY.
I WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU. YOU'RE ONE OF THE MANY FEW PEOPLE I DO NOT WANT TO EVER HURT [AND TRUST ME, THAT LIST IS EXTREMELY SHORT]. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU'D LIKE TO DO TO ME IF IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER; SHOOT ME, EXORCISE ME, TORTURE ME, ANYTHING. I DESERVE IT FOR UPSETTING YOU.