Title: The Little Angel (and Demon)
Recipient: Fairy Laughing
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Word Count: ~2,200
Author's Notes: This is 1000% crack, just go with the flow and kind of accept whatever it is you're reading type fics. In which Cas and Crowley are mini versions of themselves. Enjoy~
"Dean, what are we supposed to do?" Sam asked with a panicked look on his face.
Dean Winchester, seated on the counter in the bunker's kitchen, shrugged off the question with utter bafflement. "Why are you looking at me? The last time we tried to take care of a baby it nearly got kidnapped by some lady at the supermarket." From the living room, the brothers heard a muffled, "Deaaannnnnn," and Dean's face took on an expression of mortification. "Wait so are they like the mini me Cas and Crowley version?"
Sam shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. I don't even know what's happened in the last ten minutes."
"Okay, well, something turned Cas and Crowley into children, right? Took away their mojo and made them pint sized."
Sam nodded. "I guess. Is this even temporary?"
Dean raised his hands and backed away slightly, saying, "Hey, don't look at me for answers. I'm just as weirded out as you are."
"They're children. What are we going to do with them? Send them to kindergarten?"
Dean immediately began chuckling, amused by the prospect of forcing an ex-angel and demon into a room of human children. "Why not, Sammy? Doesn't this school year start next week?"
With a pointed look, Sam said, "Be serious, Dean. We can't do that."
"Oh come on, they dont have their powers anymore. Let's have some fun." Dean's eyes had that mischievous glint that only appeared when thinking about messing with supernatural beings.
"Whatever. Let's just go and make sure out little buddies are destroying the rest of this place."
~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~
When they walked into the library where they had left Castiel and Crowley, the two were bickering over what appeared to be a book about various aspects of demonlogy.
Crowley noticed their prescence first, and quickly appealed to his favored Winchester for assistance. "Moose, this angel won't let the book go."
The blue-eyed angel pouted and protested, "But I was reading it first."
Crowley shoved the angel away. "Go find a book about angels for hell's sake."
Dean interrupted the squabble, easily separating the children. "Hey, you two. Calm down. Just because y'all are children now doesn't mean you have to act like children." He mentally winced at the flawed reasoning.
However, the children surprisingly obeyed, grudgingly backing off. Dean cleared his throat. "Uh, okay then. Um." A nearby Bible found itself being offered to Castiel. "Here Cas. Read this."
Sam, who had remained silent at Dean's attempted parenting skills, finally spoke up. "I'm gonna go call Bobby and tell him to get down here. Watch the children."
The hunter sighed and grabbed himself a bottle of beer. It was going to be hell trying to figure this mess out, with or without Bobby.
~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~
Bobby stepped through the heavily warded doorway of the bunker, gazing in awe at the shelves lined with tomes and journals of the Men of Letters. With his usual gruff tone, he asked, "What's this I hear about celestial kindergarteners?"
Cas rain into the room, shrieking, "C rowley's a demon, demon demon, demon, demon, demon!"
The demon in question followed shortly behind, rolling his eyes. "Yes. Just one celestial kindergartener. I obviously didn't feel the effects quite as bad as dear little Cassie here."
Both Sam and Dean si9ghed at look to Bobby with pleading eyes. "You've got to help us. We've been researching nonstop for anything to turn this back around but we're still stuck with these annoying little -"
"Just tell me the whole story. What exactly happened?"
Sam shrugged. "We don't exactly know. We were just looking up possible cases when they popped up in the middle of the room. Dean tried praying to other angels but no one's answering."
"Have you tried asking Castiel and Crowley themselves?"
The younger hunter shot him his famous bitch face. "Of course. They don't remember anything from the past week. They don't have any of their usual powers or anything, so I think they're just human children now."
Bobby fiddled with the ever present baseball cap on his head. "I don't know what to tell you. I'll help you guys look in this place for anything that can help us figure out what happened, but beyond that I don't think I'll be of much use."
With that, the trio of hunters began browsing methodically through the shelves for any other books that hadn't been skimmed through.
~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~
Monday morning
Crowley dramatically threw himself to the side of the Imapal's backseat, nearly crushing Castiel in the process. He wailed, "Why do we have to go to school?! We're not even human, Dean."
Dean parked the car into an empty space in the lot and cut the engine. "Well you are now, and guess what?"
"What."
"This is kidn of funny."
Sam laughed under his breath and stood to his full height outside of the confining quarters of the car. Their new charges also exited the car sporting Batman and Superman backpacks, much to Crowley's chagrin. Castiel had more or less become the mental age of an actual child, so he had been much more willing to wear the red and blue backpack.
However, that didn't mean that Castiel particularly wanted to attend school itself. "Saaammmm," he pleaded, "make Dean stop."
Sam grinned and patted the angel's head. "Nah, you'll have fun."
"But I want to go with you and Dean."
"Sorry, but you're still going. Who knows? Maybe you'll like it."
Both children pouted the entire way to the classroom.
Once inside the air conditioned building, they slowly navigated their way to Room 10. A professionally dressed, brunette woman stood by the door, greeting parents that walked past. "Hi, I'm Miss Redstone, and these young men must be...?"
Sam shook the offered hand and replied, "Castiel and Crowley Williams. Nice to meet you, Miss Redstone."
"Nice to meet such a lovely young couple as well."
A barely audible snigger could be heard from Crowley's vague direction, but no one paid attention to it. Dean, barely suppressing his own laughter, shook Miss Redstone's hand as well. "Ah, thank you very much. But, uh, Sammy and I are brothers. Cas and Crowley are our nephews."
The teacher flushed and stammered an apology. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to assume anything."
The brothers waved off the apology as they had both received countless insinuations that they were a couple. An uncomfortable amount of insinuations.
"If you would like, there's a table set up inside the room with refreshments for parents if you would like to see the classroom and meet other parents. The actual class won't start until 8:30, and it will also let the kids get to know each other before the lesson."
Dean perked up at the word 'refreshments'. "Heh heh Sammy, we don't have anything planned right?" He walked quickly towards the table loaded with cookies and juice.
"Dea- wait- ugh." Sam smiled apologetically at Miss Redstone and ducked past her, while Crowley just sighed and whispered, "Bollocks," before following.
~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~
Sam stepped on Dean's foot and nudged his arm, almost causing Dean to spit out the mouthful of cookies. "Can you act normal for once?"
A pretty blonde woman walked up to the pair, delicately holding a cup of orange juice. "Hi, I'm Emily."
Sam smiled back. "Nice to meet you. I'm Sam, this is Dean. We're in charge of those two antisocial boys by the window."
"They look like very nice kids. My daughter is the one over there in blue."
Dean, ever the charmer, asked Emily if she had come alone.
The woman flushed slightly but responded, "Yes, my uh, my girlfriend is home sick. It's nice to see another gay couple here. Isn't it worrying to think that our kids might be bullied because of us?"
Realizing that any possibility of hooking up with Emily was gone, Dean chuckled and stepped on Sammy's foot. "Yeah, isn't it, Sammy dearest?"
'Sammy dearest' rolled his eyes and grimaced at Emily. "It was wonderful meeting you Emily. Excuse us."
Sam pulled Dean to the side of the room by his leather jacket. "Dean, you're always pretty into convincing people we're a couple. Got anything to tell me?"
Dean tugged his jacket out of Sam's grasp. "Ha ha. Very funny."
They left the classroom with one backward glance at Castiel and Crowley and saw them still sitting against the wall beneath the window.
~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~oOo~
8:30
Miss Redstone clapped her hands together three times to gather the attention of the students. "Okay class, time to get started. Find your desk with your name on it. If you can't find yours, let me know and I'll come help you."
Kindergarteners scrambled aorund trying to find their nametags, but Crowley found that he was already standing next to his assigned desk. The one to the right of his was labelled 'Castiel,' who was currently searching excitedly next the the door. "Over here, Cassie. Do you need everything translated into Enochian?"
9:30
In the middle of a lesson about the alphabet, Miss Redstone exclaimed, "Riley? What are you putting in your mouth?" Riley denied ever letting anything approach his mouth, and the lesson continued. After school, janitors ofund three crayon wrapping littering his desk.
10:30
The student in front of Crowley's desk waved his hand around frantically. "Miss Redstone, Miss Redstone!"
"Yes?"
"I really need to go potty."
"Tyler, I'm almost done explaining how to color this paper. Can you wait a few more minutes?"
"Yes, Miss Redstone." Tyler quieted down as the teacher continued to talk.
10:35
Once again, Tyler raised his hand.
"Yes, Tyler?"
"I don't need to go potty anymore."
"That's great, Tyler."
No one except for Crowley noticed the suspicious liquid dripping on his foot from the chair in front of him. In his most hateful voice, he muttered, "I hate humans."
Castiel remained quiet but his shoulders shook slightly in laughter.
11:30 - Lunchtime
Everyone received a school lunch of a suspicious looking hamburger with milk and some fruit, except for the lucky few who had mothers to pack them ham and cheese sandwiches before kissing them goodbye.
Castiel left his lunch untouched, telling Miss Redstone that he didn't need to eat.
"Nonsense, everyone needs to eat. Your parents will be disappointed if they find out you didn't eat anything."
"But I don't feel good." And he didn't. He missed Dean and Sam.
Miss Redstone pointed to the corner of the tray. "Here, at least eat the fruit, okay, sweetie?"
Castiel nodded tearfully and stared mournfully at the food before starting to sniffle.
"Bloody hell, Cas. You're an angel of the Lord. Buck up," Crowley said, between bites of his burger.
12:30
Miss Redstone read If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and passed out chocolate chip cookies to the children. Cas didn’t feel like eating his, so Crowley, being the kind friend, offered the eat the cookie for him. Miss Redstone paused next to his desk to wipe off a piece of chocolate from his cheek, much to the former demon’s indignation.
1:30
The finger painting activity was a huge hit among the children. Castiel drew what appeared to be the Winchesters, with Baby in the background. Crowley had no idea what to draw, as the position of the King of Hell rarely gave the opportunity to unleash his inner Van Gogh. In the end he settled for random streaks of reds, oranges, and yellows. Miss Redstone was surprisingly unfazed by Crowley’s declaration that it was his home.
2:30
Tuckered out, the children were given a nap time to rest, but it was constantly interrupted by giggles of whispering girls. Cas slept like a baby, and a certain hunter featured prominently in his dreams. Crowley vaguely considered murdering the highly irritating girls, but refrained from doing so. After all, he lost his demon-y powers so there wasn’t much to use as a weapon in the highly childproofed classroom.
3:30
Finally, as the dismissal bell neared, the kids grew restless. Crowley sighed. The horrible, brightly colored prison was hands down the worst thing he had ever experienced, and he was 666% ready for it to be over. Dozens of cars drove by to pick up kids of all ages, even the slightly terrifying sixth graders. When the black Impala so infamously associated with the Winchesters pulled to a stop in front of the school, Crowley restrained himself from sprinting to the car in order to retain the little dignity he had, but Castiel ran to the car almost screeching Dean’s name. Dean got out of the driver’s seat to open the backseat door for the drained ex-demon and angel. Castiel and Crowley shifted in the back as far from each other as possible.
Dean chuckled and the Impala roared to life under his foot. He would never get used to the chubby little kindergarteners jogging along with bouncing backpacks.