FIC: Five AUs that SG-1 agrees to never speak of again
For surrealphantast: "Five AUs that SG-1 agrees to never speak of again."
1. The one where Sam was a guy with biceps as big as Teal'c's, Daniel was a girl with really big... and Teal'c was three feet tall and covered in pink fur. Jack still has nightmares about that one.
2. The one where General Hammond wore a toupee. They have a very hard time keeping straight faces in the briefing after that mission.
3. The one where Charlie was still alive. They take Jack out drinking after that one, and hours later pour him into bed, taking off his boots and wiping his face. He wakes up in the middle of the afternoon, eyes gummed and breath rank, to find a glass of water and bottle of aspirin on the nightstand next to the picture of his son. When he finally makes it to the base, he finds his team having dinner in the mess. Daniel hands him a cup of coffee, Teal'c offers to share his lasagna, and Carter explains the thing in her lab.
Watching Carter and Daniel wave their hands around as the explanation gets increasingly complicated, Jack shovels a bite of lasagna into his mouth, even though his stomach is churning.
4. The one where Felger was in charge of the SGC. They don't want to give their universe any ideas.
5. The one where they were all having sex. With each other. Loudly and for what seemed like hours. It's dead silent in the locker room once they get home, and rather than all crowding into the showers like usual, they take turns.
And no one comments that every shower takes a really long time.
1. The one where Sam was a guy with biceps as big as Teal'c's, Daniel was a girl with really big... and Teal'c was three feet tall and covered in pink fur. Jack still has nightmares about that one.
2. The one where General Hammond wore a toupee. They have a very hard time keeping straight faces in the briefing after that mission.
3. The one where Charlie was still alive. They take Jack out drinking after that one, and hours later pour him into bed, taking off his boots and wiping his face. He wakes up in the middle of the afternoon, eyes gummed and breath rank, to find a glass of water and bottle of aspirin on the nightstand next to the picture of his son. When he finally makes it to the base, he finds his team having dinner in the mess. Daniel hands him a cup of coffee, Teal'c offers to share his lasagna, and Carter explains the thing in her lab.
Watching Carter and Daniel wave their hands around as the explanation gets increasingly complicated, Jack shovels a bite of lasagna into his mouth, even though his stomach is churning.
4. The one where Felger was in charge of the SGC. They don't want to give their universe any ideas.
5. The one where they were all having sex. With each other. Loudly and for what seemed like hours. It's dead silent in the locker room once they get home, and rather than all crowding into the showers like usual, they take turns.
And no one comments that every shower takes a really long time.