Past and Present

[white_needles]

Who: Haku and Kakashi
What: Some things are better when discussed in person.
Where: Tenements. Building four, room 607.
When: After this post and before the first masquerade post.
Rating: G. We'll see what happens later.
Open: No.

Comments

[sprial_hatake]

It had hurt more than he thought it would telling Haku how he had failed Sasuke. He thought that he was over that wound, that it was just another painful scar to be buried in his heart, somewhere near Obito’s death.
It appeared that he was wrong.
The door creaked slightly, and Kakashi turned around when he sensed Haku’s signature.
“Haku?” Kakashi asked, meeting the boy’s eyes. He saw concern and worry there, and his stomach clenched tighter.
“What can I do for you?” he asked, purposefully avoided what he knew the boy was here for.

[white_needles]

Haku let himself in the room and gently closed the door behind him. While Kakashi's face was mostly obsucerd by the mask and hitae-ate that he wore regularly, Haku had been around him long enough to detect shifts in mood. The man's body language was telling.

He bit the inside of his lower lip when he heard Kakashi's question. Avoidance was a bad sign.

"How are you?" he asked instead of replying.

[sprial_hatake]

"Me?" Kakashi asked, feigning surprise. "I'm fine." The words fell flat. Kakashi knew that Haku had seen through the palpable lie, but he didn't care. He stood up, and walked towards the boy, and pulled him to his chest, resting his cheek on Haku's head. He breathed in deeply, inhaling the fresh scent on wind and snow.
"I'm fine." he whispered this time. Maybe if he said it enough times it would come true.

[white_needles]

Haku let Kakashi hold him, knowing that the man was seeking for some comfort after being reminded of his losses.

A year and a half ago, Kakashi's student left. A year and a half ago, all those close to Sasuke had been hurt, and over time the pain likely delved deeper into the heart until it created a hollow hole of guilt there. And that was not counting what other regrets Kakashi might have had. Haku wanted to help assuage that pain, but at the same time he also feared that his presence and efforts there would be unwanted.

"But you aren't," he murmured into the black shirt, some time after Kakashi said he was fine. He almost tensed at the thought of being pushed away for saying it, but he managed to keep himself under control. However, with their proximity, Haku knew that Kakashi would have felt that.

[white_needles]

"I'm not?" Kakashi asked, then laughed bitterly. "No, you're right. I am most definitely not alright. Don't know why I bother lying to you, you can see through all my bullshit." Kakashi was angry, furious almost. Suddenly, he pulled away, glaring at the boy

[white_needles]

"Funny, neither do I." Kakashi's words were not bitter, not angry. It was just a flat statement, uninflected and bare. He stepped back a few more paces. The back of his knees hit the bed, and he sat down heavily, head in hands.

Haku stayed where he was, unable to stop his inner turmoil from seizing control of his state of mind. Kakashi's neutral statement added to the conflict; it gave him no indiction of what he would do next. Did Kakashi want him to go away and leave him to his thoughts? Was he allowed to go any closer?

Kakashi looked up to see Haku standing there, frozen to the spot. He saw the conflicting emotions flickering across the boy's face, saw the confusion and sadness. Zabuza. It all went back to that

[sprial_hatake]

“Stay with me. Please.” He whispered against soft, smooth skin. “Take a chance with me. I’m begging you.”

((ooc: missing part))

[white_needles]

One move, and their earlier roles reversed.

Haku couldn't move when Kakashi pulled him, and he lay limply on the bed as Kakashi gave him that almost-kiss. Everything was a jumble in his mind, now that he was, again, faced with this question. Answering with a 'no'would mean leaving Kakashi, something that he didn't want to do; the pain and desperation in those words pierced him to the core. But if he were to answer 'yes'... wouldn't he be betraying Zabuza by following - no, living for another?

(People thought he was fearless in the face of death, but his own death was relatively painless compared

to

losing

someone.
)

((ooc: Thanks. ^^; And, as expected, the muse is putting it off. >_<; ))

[white_needles]

Haku's silence was not exactly encouraging, but Kakashi wasn't about to give up now. He leaned back, giving Haku more room.
"You've given Zabuza everything." Kakashi murmured. It was the first time the man's name was mentioned, but both knew he was the basis of the conflict. "You gave your life to him. What more could he want from you?"

Haku's heart stopped beating at the mention of Zabuza's name. It was one that he had not heard spoken for months now by someone other than himself. How had Kakashi known?
...oh, yes. It would have been obvious to someone who knew that Zabuza was the world to him before.
"I promised him," he whispered, tilting his head away. "I promised him..."What more did you promise him?" Kakashi whispered, chest aching vilely. His eyes stung and he blinked hard. He hadn't cried in over ten years, and this was not the time to start

[white_needles]

"I see..."

He couldn't believe that the solution was so simple, if it was a solution. There were a lot of changes that he would have to make, and there were still things that he wasn't used to. But maybe everything would work out just fine.

However, there was one more thing disturbing him.

"I wonder... would Zabuza-san hate me for this?"

((ooc: Gah. It could have ended there, but Haku insisted on asking. ^^;;))

[sprial_hatake]

"Oh, Haku." Kakashi reached out, gently running a hand down the boy's cheek.
"He could never hate you."

[white_needles]

"How do you know? He would be angry at me for letting myself be used by another person..."

Oh no.

Haku's eyes snapped open in fear as he clapped a hand to his mouth. The words just slipped out without him noticing them until it was too late, signs of a mentality long ingrained into the very fiber of his being. A shinobi is a tool...

Kakashi, he knew, wasn't going to be pleased with the implications of what he just said. Even though Haku genuinely cared for him, that mode of thinking, that he was only valuable to someone for as long as he could be used, was the only major way he knew of to express that care. Kakashi likely thought of it differently, and his reaction to that likely wouldn't be nice.