Comments | spinnyroses: La Rose Impardonnée (Fullmetal Alchemist,Winry/Rose, R) 1/1

spinnyroses

La Rose Impardonnée (Fullmetal Alchemist,Winry/Rose, R) 1/1

Mar 05, 2006 21:50

Title: La Rose Impardonnée
Author: Spinny Roses
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: R
Warnings: Remembered rape, yuri (Winry/Rose)
Spoilers: All of anime
Disclaimer: Don't own.

( La Rose Impardonnée )

winry/rose, fullmetal alchemist, one-shot, rating: r, yuri

Comments 15

militarypenguin March 6 2006, 04:32:18 UTC

Beautiful and sad. I loved how you wrote Rose here--you wrote her emotions and thoughts so well that you could really feel what she was feeling. I also liked that although Rose seems to be comfortable with kissing Winry she still can't help but look back at what happened to herself in the past. The last image described is very powerful and disturbing.

spinnyroses March 6 2006, 04:34:43 UTC

Thank you!

(And on a side note, your icon is LOVE)

kaitou_marina March 6 2006, 07:39:48 UTC

This is my absolute favorite yuri pairing from FMA. This is a really, truly wonderful fic. Thank you so much for sharing it. ^___^

moooomoo March 6 2006, 09:51:39 UTC

Hi ^^. It's "la" rose impardonnée (if you mean that the rose is not forgiven by someone).

I'll read it later :D

spinnyroses March 6 2006, 17:18:37 UTC

*laughs* I had to go with what my mother remembered of high school and college French, and that's what came out. But thank you for setting me straight.

moooomoo March 6 2006, 17:29:15 UTC

Oh, I hope you don't mind it :0. I'm french, that's why I saw it and I said it.

I must said that generally, I don't really like yuri... but I loved your fic <333 ! Thanks =)

spinnyroses March 6 2006, 17:31:05 UTC

I don't mind in the least. It really was bugging me that I didn't have a French speaker to help out.

Thread 6

baeckahaesten March 6 2006, 11:16:15 UTC

I really, honestly, don't usually give the 'OMG IT's LiEk GuD RitE MORE~~~ plz' reviews to one-shots. Seriously!

But, um, this? I liked most every word except 'The End'. It's really...OH GOD YOU WROTE WINRY/ROSE AND IT'S GOOD is one factor, but...but you could go more places with this, and it does feel like...a first chapter rather than a one-shot, to me, anyway. I like the Winry characterisation a lot, and the pace and the little scenes joining up as a whole; and the dialogue especially, and the end was...well, I think you could go further beyond that and the result would be good.

baeckahaesten March 12 2006, 13:25:00 UTC

Yes, I'm replying to my own comment. I just wanted to add the two problems I had with this (well, three if you count the French, but I can totally understand that being wrong and, um, getting fixed now). So:
1. The ending needs more. It's good and feels really unfinished...it's kind of undeveloped compared to the character development before.
2. The rape scene is either too graphic or uses the wrong words: it's a matter of viewpoint. I don't think Rose would think in those terms, and the 'could only assume', 'erection', 'nipples' kind of dampen the impact and don't fit with the rest of the story. There's the power of suggestion, and as it is it's kind of a detached narrative viewpoint compared to the close one the rest of the story is in. It's just too much without being effective, which is sad because the rest of the story is very good. Also there are tense shifts, if you look.

spinnyroses March 14 2006, 05:22:41 UTC

1. You are quite right. I have never liked my endings, so I tend to rush them. I should have spent more time exploring Rose's feeling about Winry's kiss, the fact she's being kissed by a girl, and following into the flashback better.

2. Eek. Yeah, I just looked back at it and I saw what you were talking about. Especially the tense changes. Ow, that hurt just looking at it. I was trying for a flashback where Rose knew she was being raped, but she had fallen so far into herself that she couldn't tell much more than that. Eeek.

I don't really like rewriting my works. I like being able to go back to an old, crappy work and realize just how far I've gone. And now with this, I can look back on it and your comments and know what NOT to do!

baeckahaesten March 14 2006, 07:25:30 UTC

That was really nice of you to respond that way to criticism ^^ And there were a lot of good points, too! Just...write. More. Of anything. Because you're mostly good and getting better, and probably already quite a lot better than me XD I have no licence to write this.

anonymous March 6 2006, 18:41:03 UTC

Not bad, but very abrupt ending. You had a very good and strong start, but the end kind of petered out like you'd forgotten what you meant to do or where you were going. Another paragraph or two probably would help to wrap up. As it stands, it is sort of like climbing up a mountain and finding somehow the summit is back on level ground again.