I Have No ‘We’
Fandom: Super Junior +M
Pairing: Sungmin/Zhou Mi
Rating: R
Summary: It's an unwritten rule-you can have Kyuhyun, I can have Kyuhyun-we can't have each other.
Word count: 1174
A/N: The actual pirates part of this is short, and the reason for the R rating, lol. I dedicate that part to Sara, and actually this entire piece I dedicate to her because I said I'd write her Sungmin/anyone. And today is Mimi's birthday! SJM Challenge, #41, Pirates! Omg, I'm sorry it's angsty, though - FORGIVE ME.
I Have No ‘We’
It feels like an unwritten rule: you can have Kyuhyun, I can have Kyuhyun-we can’t have each other.
But it feels like they’re in love, it's hard to explain, but it does. Zhou Mi wishes he could speak Korean better, wishes he could articulate those words he can pull out in Chinese, but never in the language he needs to use. He thinks about asking Henry for help, or Hankyung. He thinks about it and drops the idea a second later, out of fear.
Some people say it’s never too late, but Zhou Mi starts to think that it’s always too late for him. In a year, two years, three, he’ll be perpetually glued to Kyuhyun, their arms and clothes sewn together by the company. Fuck them, Zhou Mi would say, but he can’t work up the words.
“They suck at playing matchmaker,” Donghae sighs, pouting and putting his feet up on the coffee table, and Zhou Mi raises an eyebrow.
“I thought you-”
“We’re best friends, it doesn’t mean we’d marry each other, ew,” Donghae changes the channel, and it’s an episode of Star Golden Bell. Hey look, Minho’s in it, and Donghae’s mind drifts to other places. Zhou Mi thinks about what he’d said, and leaves the living room. Eunhyuk takes his place, and when Zhou Mi opens the refrigerator door, he can hear the ‘EunHae couple’ arguing.
It sounds different when he knows they’re not in love.
When Sungmin wants to go to the grocery store because they’re out of milk, no one really wants to go with him. Kyuhyun has himself sprawled on the couch and his throat is apparently on fire and someone is making him tea. That's a no.
Heechul and Donghae are texting Kibum to come over and watch Eunhyuk and Siwon battle over pushups and situps. That’s another four (maybe five, if Kibum comes out of his hiding spot) no’s. Hankyung is on a phone call stretching back to China and nothing can pry that man from his mama.
Everyone else is either busy or out of the house, and it takes Zhou Mi an extra minute to finally stand up from his notebook filled with noteheads and sharps and flats and he smiles at Sungmin. “I’ll go.”
They share an umbrella-they’re not sure why they didn’t take an extra. There must be something about sharing. It brings people closer, helps friendship tighten, in a way.
Zhou Mi makes excuses, and Sungmin makes excuses, and neither of them make those excuses out loud. Their fingertips brush for a second and then they realize that they’re both holding on to the silver handle.
Eyes shifting, Sungmin bites his lip and Zhou Mi offers to hold it for both of them, because he’s taller. And after that, his Korean feels very limited, more so than it actually is.
They sort of weave throughout the aisles long after Sungmin already grabbed the gallon of milk. They’re not entirely sure what drives them to do this, to stay out longer than they need to, but by the time it’s starting to get dark outside, Sungmin has taken Zhou Mi to the park, and they’ve splashed around in puddles, thrown coins into fountains, and shared facts of their lives in whatever words Zhou Mi could grasp.
Leeteuk scolds them gently when they finally arrive at the front door, taking off their shoes, and the leader’s voice is gentle and stern at the same time. He has that kind of talent, Zhou Mi has come to know. Hankyung’s learned from the best.
He’s saying something about how he was worried, and something could’ve happened to them, and why didn’t they call, but Zhou Mi can only grab words here and there. His mind is in a daze, and when he finally lets go of the umbrella, he grazes Sungmin’s hand again.
Zhou Mi doesn’t know, but Sungmin sleeps in that bed next to Kyuhyun’s and sometimes dreams of Zhou Mi instead. Zhou Mi and a half-tidy apartment filled with designer clothes, first, second, and third drafts of songs that Zhou Mi writes and Sungmin recites with guitar strings and vocal chords, a bed they share, a life they share. Sungmin dreams about this, and Zhou Mi doesn’t even know.
Zhou Mi dreams, too. They range from wildly realistic to fantasties that may never come true, and the most ridiculous things sometimes flash by in fake sequences under sleeping eyelids.
It’s odd, and so disturbing, but he likes the dream where he and Sungmin are pirates, because it makes sense and it's confusing and wrong and right at the same time. A ship full of contradictions but Zhou Mi's taken by the thought of Sungmin with a sword and saltwater in his hair and Zhou's kind of into eyepatches. Just no peg legs.
The dream is over quickly, but not without giving Zhou Mi a glimpse of completely non-pirate action-but they're still on board-and Sungmin has Zhou Mi's face pressed against a wooden door. The captain's door, and Zhou Mi whimpers as quietly as he can when Sungmin starts fucking him hard enough for the sharks around the ship to want to run away. And no one comes running to see what's going on. It's just the two of them, hard and fast against a door.
Just the two of them.
They’re falling apart, right there in the hallway, there backstage when no one is looking, there on stage when people are looking but not seeing, there in the kitchen when Kyuhyun’s frown reflects on the coffee pot and Sungmin is trying not to cry.
Zhou Mi is the only who knows it isn’t working.
“No-Kyuhyun-I said stop-” Sungmin pushes at the maknae’s shoulder, and he’s forceful enough but somehow Kyuhyun confines him between himself and the wall. They think they’re alone.
Kyuhyun smashes their lips together, Sungmin grunts and pushes him hard enough for it to hurt but Kyuhyun damaged in more ways that just physically.
“Why do you keep doing this?” Sungmin’s jaw shakes when he asks, voice cracks.
Kyuhyun keeps his eyes to the floor.
“Tell me.”
“Because you’re all I have anymore.”
“You have Zhou Mi,” Sungmin tries, but his throat closes before the name is really finished.
Kyuhyun’s face twists, contorts slightly, and he’s both ugly and beautiful at the same time. Zhou Mi’s chest tightens and he leaves before either of them can see him, and before he hears anything else.
Kyuhyun knows. And it’s gone from sharing the maknae to sharing nothing. Especially each other.
The sunlight catches pretty pictures, catches Sungmin’s smile, Zhou Mi’s smile, and everyone else. It warms up cold hearts and relaxes the things that could have been so that maybe for now, no one will think about them.
Sungmin only thinks about the soccer ball between himself and Eunhyuk, Zhou Mi only thinks in Chinese for now because he's talking to Hankyung about making dishes from their hometown for lunch that day.
We’re okay.
A cloud passes over, and Zhou Mi sees a glimpse of what Sungmin dreams of. Sungmin still shivers after the shadow is gone.
We’re not okay.
//…
Happy Birthday, Zhou Mi? >.<
Fluff has been trapped and chained behind a mental block with me lately!
Pairing: Sungmin/Zhou Mi
Rating: R
Summary: It's an unwritten rule-you can have Kyuhyun, I can have Kyuhyun-we can't have each other.
Word count: 1174
A/N: The actual pirates part of this is short, and the reason for the R rating, lol. I dedicate that part to Sara, and actually this entire piece I dedicate to her because I said I'd write her Sungmin/anyone. And today is Mimi's birthday! SJM Challenge, #41, Pirates! Omg, I'm sorry it's angsty, though - FORGIVE ME.
I Have No ‘We’
It feels like an unwritten rule: you can have Kyuhyun, I can have Kyuhyun-we can’t have each other.
But it feels like they’re in love, it's hard to explain, but it does. Zhou Mi wishes he could speak Korean better, wishes he could articulate those words he can pull out in Chinese, but never in the language he needs to use. He thinks about asking Henry for help, or Hankyung. He thinks about it and drops the idea a second later, out of fear.
Some people say it’s never too late, but Zhou Mi starts to think that it’s always too late for him. In a year, two years, three, he’ll be perpetually glued to Kyuhyun, their arms and clothes sewn together by the company. Fuck them, Zhou Mi would say, but he can’t work up the words.
“They suck at playing matchmaker,” Donghae sighs, pouting and putting his feet up on the coffee table, and Zhou Mi raises an eyebrow.
“I thought you-”
“We’re best friends, it doesn’t mean we’d marry each other, ew,” Donghae changes the channel, and it’s an episode of Star Golden Bell. Hey look, Minho’s in it, and Donghae’s mind drifts to other places. Zhou Mi thinks about what he’d said, and leaves the living room. Eunhyuk takes his place, and when Zhou Mi opens the refrigerator door, he can hear the ‘EunHae couple’ arguing.
It sounds different when he knows they’re not in love.
When Sungmin wants to go to the grocery store because they’re out of milk, no one really wants to go with him. Kyuhyun has himself sprawled on the couch and his throat is apparently on fire and someone is making him tea. That's a no.
Heechul and Donghae are texting Kibum to come over and watch Eunhyuk and Siwon battle over pushups and situps. That’s another four (maybe five, if Kibum comes out of his hiding spot) no’s. Hankyung is on a phone call stretching back to China and nothing can pry that man from his mama.
Everyone else is either busy or out of the house, and it takes Zhou Mi an extra minute to finally stand up from his notebook filled with noteheads and sharps and flats and he smiles at Sungmin. “I’ll go.”
They share an umbrella-they’re not sure why they didn’t take an extra. There must be something about sharing. It brings people closer, helps friendship tighten, in a way.
Zhou Mi makes excuses, and Sungmin makes excuses, and neither of them make those excuses out loud. Their fingertips brush for a second and then they realize that they’re both holding on to the silver handle.
Eyes shifting, Sungmin bites his lip and Zhou Mi offers to hold it for both of them, because he’s taller. And after that, his Korean feels very limited, more so than it actually is.
They sort of weave throughout the aisles long after Sungmin already grabbed the gallon of milk. They’re not entirely sure what drives them to do this, to stay out longer than they need to, but by the time it’s starting to get dark outside, Sungmin has taken Zhou Mi to the park, and they’ve splashed around in puddles, thrown coins into fountains, and shared facts of their lives in whatever words Zhou Mi could grasp.
Leeteuk scolds them gently when they finally arrive at the front door, taking off their shoes, and the leader’s voice is gentle and stern at the same time. He has that kind of talent, Zhou Mi has come to know. Hankyung’s learned from the best.
He’s saying something about how he was worried, and something could’ve happened to them, and why didn’t they call, but Zhou Mi can only grab words here and there. His mind is in a daze, and when he finally lets go of the umbrella, he grazes Sungmin’s hand again.
Zhou Mi doesn’t know, but Sungmin sleeps in that bed next to Kyuhyun’s and sometimes dreams of Zhou Mi instead. Zhou Mi and a half-tidy apartment filled with designer clothes, first, second, and third drafts of songs that Zhou Mi writes and Sungmin recites with guitar strings and vocal chords, a bed they share, a life they share. Sungmin dreams about this, and Zhou Mi doesn’t even know.
Zhou Mi dreams, too. They range from wildly realistic to fantasties that may never come true, and the most ridiculous things sometimes flash by in fake sequences under sleeping eyelids.
It’s odd, and so disturbing, but he likes the dream where he and Sungmin are pirates, because it makes sense and it's confusing and wrong and right at the same time. A ship full of contradictions but Zhou Mi's taken by the thought of Sungmin with a sword and saltwater in his hair and Zhou's kind of into eyepatches. Just no peg legs.
The dream is over quickly, but not without giving Zhou Mi a glimpse of completely non-pirate action-but they're still on board-and Sungmin has Zhou Mi's face pressed against a wooden door. The captain's door, and Zhou Mi whimpers as quietly as he can when Sungmin starts fucking him hard enough for the sharks around the ship to want to run away. And no one comes running to see what's going on. It's just the two of them, hard and fast against a door.
Just the two of them.
They’re falling apart, right there in the hallway, there backstage when no one is looking, there on stage when people are looking but not seeing, there in the kitchen when Kyuhyun’s frown reflects on the coffee pot and Sungmin is trying not to cry.
Zhou Mi is the only who knows it isn’t working.
“No-Kyuhyun-I said stop-” Sungmin pushes at the maknae’s shoulder, and he’s forceful enough but somehow Kyuhyun confines him between himself and the wall. They think they’re alone.
Kyuhyun smashes their lips together, Sungmin grunts and pushes him hard enough for it to hurt but Kyuhyun damaged in more ways that just physically.
“Why do you keep doing this?” Sungmin’s jaw shakes when he asks, voice cracks.
Kyuhyun keeps his eyes to the floor.
“Tell me.”
“Because you’re all I have anymore.”
“You have Zhou Mi,” Sungmin tries, but his throat closes before the name is really finished.
Kyuhyun’s face twists, contorts slightly, and he’s both ugly and beautiful at the same time. Zhou Mi’s chest tightens and he leaves before either of them can see him, and before he hears anything else.
Kyuhyun knows. And it’s gone from sharing the maknae to sharing nothing. Especially each other.
The sunlight catches pretty pictures, catches Sungmin’s smile, Zhou Mi’s smile, and everyone else. It warms up cold hearts and relaxes the things that could have been so that maybe for now, no one will think about them.
Sungmin only thinks about the soccer ball between himself and Eunhyuk, Zhou Mi only thinks in Chinese for now because he's talking to Hankyung about making dishes from their hometown for lunch that day.
We’re okay.
A cloud passes over, and Zhou Mi sees a glimpse of what Sungmin dreams of. Sungmin still shivers after the shadow is gone.
We’re not okay.
//…
Happy Birthday, Zhou Mi? >.<
Fluff has been trapped and chained behind a mental block with me lately!