Cool Money, MY way: Part 5. (AKA: why did I let it get this far?)
Back again bearing the dopity-dopey goo that reveals the spew of my non-brain.
*grins* Okay, that was THE best sentence, EVAH. Beat that, Whedon. You think you're so cool with your musical episode and your--big fade-to-black Spuffy scene in Chosen when we all know what happened but you're too much of a pussy to just show it already, and your "convenient" pandering to the Bangel fans with Angel popping in for no good reason other than to shake things up and be a big tree, and your... STUFF. I think you should just go eat your own foot.
So. You guys ready? As always, the previous installments:
Cool Money, MY way: It Starts!
Cool Money, MY way: Part Deux
Cool Money, MY way: Enter Fangirl!Wifebot OMG
And I almost forgot what happened last time, so for your sake, I'll save ya the trouble:
Cool Money, MY way: K-Fed Wannabe Wigga!James Wears HAZMAT PJs
I know. I just read that, too. Well, he WAS! Don't shoot the captioner. Here we go! Oh, and keep scrolling. And scrolling. Apparently ever since I added all those quotes to my sidebar, it takes forever to see the pics I post. LJ is a bunch of dicktards. And I hope they saw that.
JAMES: So you’re not diggin’ the hair, either.
CASSINI: Oh, I’m ridin’ the buzz, man, it’s just... what’s with those freaky nicks on the side? Did you shave it yourself?
JAMES: Please. Stupid Seacrest bitch was trying to scalp me. He kept trying to convince me not to shave it.
CASSINI: Then what? He was so heartbroken that he decided to give you the prison bitch look? Poor thing. I mean, sure he’s a queer-ass fagwipe, but--
JAMES: Hey, I’m the victim here!
CASSINI: So... what. You want me to snag you a dope hat to wear or something?
JAMES: *snorfle*
JAMES: Oh, you were serious.
JAMES: Actually, I thought it was about time we started being more “cool.” Doing cooler things. Like the title of this craphole movie suggests.
CASSINI: See, from this angle, THAT’S a good buzz cut. Extremely sexy. You should talk to Steve about getting you on Prison Break.
JAMES: I don’t HAVE this hair anymore, numb nuts.
JAMES: And I’m a much better actor than this script is allowing me to be, as illustrated with my intense brow furrowing and “pensive, far-off gaze” here.
CASSINI: Your skin is amazing. You don’t look a day over 25.
JAMES: Well... I do work out.
CASSINI: I’m just sayin’. The youthfulness of your face at your age in and of itself is a rarity, but add to that your extraordinary good looks and overall sex appeal--Really? You say you work out, too?
JAMES: What exactly do you want? Besides me?
CASSINI: Let me guess-you’re a smoker.
JAMES: Um. Let ME guess, you’re a psychic?
CASSINI: You’re too pretty and too adorable not to have one majorly sexy flaw.
JAMES: On the patch. 15 daily, for almost 7 years now.
CASSINI: No wonder you look so good!
JAMES: I could look *20* if I’d never smoked!!!
JAMES: Yick. This jacket really IS from the pukescent line of the wigga fall collection.
CASSINI: Doesn’t matter, bro. The wigga faction could use you as a role model.
JAMES: Just what I need. A bunch of whacked-out wiggas obsessed with and stalking me.
CASSINI: Seacrest was stalking you for years before you appeared on his show. You just gave him a life-long hard on by letting him run his fingers thru your hair.
JAMES: *grimaces*
CASSINI: But that IS a pretty fly buzz he gave you, if I do say so myself.
(*cough* Nibblet says we need a flashback, no?)
JAMES: He wants me to be his prison bitch!
CASSINI: Chillax, Jimbo. You don’t HAVE this hair anymore, remember?
JAMES: Call me Jimbo again and you’ll be eating that hat for dinner tonight.
JAMES: So don’t tell me. You’re, like, stalking me, too?
CASSINI: *chuckles* James. James, James, James... A word of wisdom for ya: EVERYBODY’S stalking you.
JAMES: So I found out that everybody’s stalking me.
WIFEY POO: And this surprises you?
JAMES: Weh. A little. I don’t see why everyone wants ME so much.
WIFE WOMAN: Have you SEEN you? Have you HEARD you? Have you WATCHED you?
JAMES: Not really. Well, I guess I have in the strictest sense of the word, but-
WIFE SPAZ: *huffs*
JAMES: Hi.
WIFE CHICK: You look so goddamned adorable right now that it’s all I can do to keep from tackling you onto that bed and having my way with you.
JAMES: Well, at least you stopped giggling.
JAMES: Why are you packing?
WIFEBOT: I’m not sure, but I don’t care because whoever decorated this room should be dragged out in the snow and shot.
WIFE CHICA: Oh, and by the way. What the heck is my name? I should have a name.
JAMES: Different variations of WIFEY THIS or WIFE THAT?
WIFE THAT: *glares*
JAMES: *innocent puppy eyes* What??
JAMES: Oh, chill out. Your name’s Stephanie. Like that beautiful girl I met on the Queen Mary in September. Only she actually had a brain and a personality, whereas you're like a premenstrual hyena on crack.
JAMES: And what’s with the medieval suitcase? What is this, 1962?
JAMES: Oooh... panties!
STEPHANIE: Give me those!
JAMES: Oh, come on. Leave me a sexy souvenir.
STEPHANIE: I’ve been reading books and I will... not... give in...
JAMES: Look at your husband. Loooooooook...
STEPHANIE: *giggle* No. You’re not the boss of me. I defy my ovaries.
JAMES: Mmm. I love it when you’re defiant. Makes your hair smell sweeter.
STEPHANIE: *sigh* And... there go my knees.
JAMES: That’s a little better.
STEPHANIE: Hee. I’m not looking in your eyes. No Jamesfog today.
JAMES: You will in a second. I’ve almost got you.
STEPHANIE: You may have an unbelievably sexy voice but I still have my free will.
JAMES: There’s my girl.
STEPHANIE: You are so beautiful. Can I keep you?
JAMES: I’m not going anywhere. Do with me what you want.
STEPHANIE: I’m going to keep you forever.
JAMES: So are we gonna make out now?
STEPHANIE: *Jamesfogged*
JAMES: Uhhh... sweetie?
STEPHANIE: *worst case of Jamesfog EVAH*
JAMES: Oh, boy. Let’s see what we can do about this. *eyefucks*
STEPHANIE: *nearing Jamesgasm*
STEPHANIE: *mind-bending Jamesgasm*
JAMES: *immensely pleased with himself*
STEPHANIE: Mmmm... that was naughty!
JAMES: Oh, you loved it. Don’t even try to deny it.
STEPHANIE: Do it again?
JAMES: Why don’t we just go have the actual sex?
STEPHANIE: *nuzzles* Really?
JAMES: *nuzzles* Don’t ‘really’ me, Little Miss "I'm Not Wearing Panties or A Bra."
JAMES: OMG, I have no idea how we got here or WTF I’m doing right now, but I just got a whiff of you in that mirror across the lobby and... dude. I am so gone, stat.
CASSINI: Shh. No you ain’t. We agreed to this.
JAMES: Hey, I look pretty good, though.
JAMES: *snerk* You on the other hand look like an unemployed pimp who doesn’t know what decade he’s from-the 70s or the 80s. Seriously, was there NO wardrobe budget for this flick? Or just too much time spent not giving a shit?
CASSINI: Eh... yo! Bellhop! My buddy and I are here for the American Idol auditions. Where they at?
HEADLESS BELLHOP: *snort* The Gay Mafia Lord Pride! convention is in event room 15, Mario.
CASSINI: You trashin’ on my red polyester coat? You think this is FAKE?
JAMES: Heh heh. My bellhop uniform was WAY cooler than that, dickflop.
JAMES: Geez, what a grouch.
JAMES: I mean, he should know that part of being a bellhop is being able to TAKE A JOKE every once in-
CASSINI: Will you stop pouting and get your ass in the car?
JAMES: Just for that, I’m going to stand here and bask in the glory of my adorably grumpy, hand-sculpted cheekboned face for another second or two.
JAMES: And look what I spy with my little eye. A fashionably decent shirt and tie!
CASSINI: One more shot of you and I’m taking off, moron.
JAMES: Speaking of grouches.
CASSINI: We don’t have any time to waste admiring your cheekbones and sulking over dickless bellhops. This is serious business here.
JAMES: Please take that hat off.
CASSINI: Now... when did you ever wear a BELLHOP uniform?
JAMES: I’m begging you. Take it off and burn it. And then burn the ashes.
CASSINI: Was Spike a bellhop in some incarnation? ‘Cause I don’t remember anything like that.
JAMES: Northern Exposure. I guest-starred as a bellhop way back in the day. I even had a jaunty little cap to complete the uniform.
CASSINI: “Jaunty”??
JAMES: Yeah. Like, what that rhinestoned Goodwill reject you’re wearing is NOT.
JAMES: So take the damned thing off before I have to look at you again, already.
CASSINI: You thinking what I’m thinking, baby?
JAMES: Hell, yeah. Why didn’t we think of this before? And what the FUCK did you just call me?
This one was a bit longer than usual since it's been a while :) I don't know if I should be ashamed or pepped to say stay tuned for Part-freaking-6!!!! I must be outta my mind. LOL. But, James Pretty. And so captionable.
*le sigh*
*le smooch*
*le glomp*
*le tackle*
*le boink*
What can I say. He just makes you wanna touch him. Am I wrong? ;p
*grins* Okay, that was THE best sentence, EVAH. Beat that, Whedon. You think you're so cool with your musical episode and your--big fade-to-black Spuffy scene in Chosen when we all know what happened but you're too much of a pussy to just show it already, and your "convenient" pandering to the Bangel fans with Angel popping in for no good reason other than to shake things up and be a big tree, and your... STUFF. I think you should just go eat your own foot.
So. You guys ready? As always, the previous installments:
Cool Money, MY way: It Starts!
Cool Money, MY way: Part Deux
Cool Money, MY way: Enter Fangirl!Wifebot OMG
And I almost forgot what happened last time, so for your sake, I'll save ya the trouble:
Cool Money, MY way: K-Fed Wannabe Wigga!James Wears HAZMAT PJs
I know. I just read that, too. Well, he WAS! Don't shoot the captioner. Here we go! Oh, and keep scrolling. And scrolling. Apparently ever since I added all those quotes to my sidebar, it takes forever to see the pics I post. LJ is a bunch of dicktards. And I hope they saw that.
JAMES: So you’re not diggin’ the hair, either.
CASSINI: Oh, I’m ridin’ the buzz, man, it’s just... what’s with those freaky nicks on the side? Did you shave it yourself?
JAMES: Please. Stupid Seacrest bitch was trying to scalp me. He kept trying to convince me not to shave it.
CASSINI: Then what? He was so heartbroken that he decided to give you the prison bitch look? Poor thing. I mean, sure he’s a queer-ass fagwipe, but--
JAMES: Hey, I’m the victim here!
CASSINI: So... what. You want me to snag you a dope hat to wear or something?
JAMES: *snorfle*
JAMES: Oh, you were serious.
JAMES: Actually, I thought it was about time we started being more “cool.” Doing cooler things. Like the title of this craphole movie suggests.
CASSINI: See, from this angle, THAT’S a good buzz cut. Extremely sexy. You should talk to Steve about getting you on Prison Break.
JAMES: I don’t HAVE this hair anymore, numb nuts.
JAMES: And I’m a much better actor than this script is allowing me to be, as illustrated with my intense brow furrowing and “pensive, far-off gaze” here.
CASSINI: Your skin is amazing. You don’t look a day over 25.
JAMES: Well... I do work out.
CASSINI: I’m just sayin’. The youthfulness of your face at your age in and of itself is a rarity, but add to that your extraordinary good looks and overall sex appeal--Really? You say you work out, too?
JAMES: What exactly do you want? Besides me?
CASSINI: Let me guess-you’re a smoker.
JAMES: Um. Let ME guess, you’re a psychic?
CASSINI: You’re too pretty and too adorable not to have one majorly sexy flaw.
JAMES: On the patch. 15 daily, for almost 7 years now.
CASSINI: No wonder you look so good!
JAMES: I could look *20* if I’d never smoked!!!
JAMES: Yick. This jacket really IS from the pukescent line of the wigga fall collection.
CASSINI: Doesn’t matter, bro. The wigga faction could use you as a role model.
JAMES: Just what I need. A bunch of whacked-out wiggas obsessed with and stalking me.
CASSINI: Seacrest was stalking you for years before you appeared on his show. You just gave him a life-long hard on by letting him run his fingers thru your hair.
JAMES: *grimaces*
CASSINI: But that IS a pretty fly buzz he gave you, if I do say so myself.
(*cough* Nibblet says we need a flashback, no?)
Click to viewJAMES: He wants me to be his prison bitch!
CASSINI: Chillax, Jimbo. You don’t HAVE this hair anymore, remember?
JAMES: Call me Jimbo again and you’ll be eating that hat for dinner tonight.
JAMES: So don’t tell me. You’re, like, stalking me, too?
CASSINI: *chuckles* James. James, James, James... A word of wisdom for ya: EVERYBODY’S stalking you.
JAMES: So I found out that everybody’s stalking me.
WIFEY POO: And this surprises you?
JAMES: Weh. A little. I don’t see why everyone wants ME so much.
WIFE WOMAN: Have you SEEN you? Have you HEARD you? Have you WATCHED you?
JAMES: Not really. Well, I guess I have in the strictest sense of the word, but-
WIFE SPAZ: *huffs*
JAMES: Hi.
WIFE CHICK: You look so goddamned adorable right now that it’s all I can do to keep from tackling you onto that bed and having my way with you.
JAMES: Well, at least you stopped giggling.
JAMES: Why are you packing?
WIFEBOT: I’m not sure, but I don’t care because whoever decorated this room should be dragged out in the snow and shot.
WIFE CHICA: Oh, and by the way. What the heck is my name? I should have a name.
JAMES: Different variations of WIFEY THIS or WIFE THAT?
WIFE THAT: *glares*
JAMES: *innocent puppy eyes* What??
JAMES: Oh, chill out. Your name’s Stephanie. Like that beautiful girl I met on the Queen Mary in September. Only she actually had a brain and a personality, whereas you're like a premenstrual hyena on crack.
JAMES: And what’s with the medieval suitcase? What is this, 1962?
JAMES: Oooh... panties!
STEPHANIE: Give me those!
JAMES: Oh, come on. Leave me a sexy souvenir.
STEPHANIE: I’ve been reading books and I will... not... give in...
JAMES: Look at your husband. Loooooooook...
STEPHANIE: *giggle* No. You’re not the boss of me. I defy my ovaries.
JAMES: Mmm. I love it when you’re defiant. Makes your hair smell sweeter.
STEPHANIE: *sigh* And... there go my knees.
JAMES: That’s a little better.
STEPHANIE: Hee. I’m not looking in your eyes. No Jamesfog today.
JAMES: You will in a second. I’ve almost got you.
STEPHANIE: You may have an unbelievably sexy voice but I still have my free will.
JAMES: There’s my girl.
STEPHANIE: You are so beautiful. Can I keep you?
JAMES: I’m not going anywhere. Do with me what you want.
STEPHANIE: I’m going to keep you forever.
JAMES: So are we gonna make out now?
STEPHANIE: *Jamesfogged*
JAMES: Uhhh... sweetie?
STEPHANIE: *worst case of Jamesfog EVAH*
JAMES: Oh, boy. Let’s see what we can do about this. *eyefucks*
STEPHANIE: *nearing Jamesgasm*
STEPHANIE: *mind-bending Jamesgasm*
JAMES: *immensely pleased with himself*
STEPHANIE: Mmmm... that was naughty!
JAMES: Oh, you loved it. Don’t even try to deny it.
STEPHANIE: Do it again?
JAMES: Why don’t we just go have the actual sex?
STEPHANIE: *nuzzles* Really?
JAMES: *nuzzles* Don’t ‘really’ me, Little Miss "I'm Not Wearing Panties or A Bra."
JAMES: OMG, I have no idea how we got here or WTF I’m doing right now, but I just got a whiff of you in that mirror across the lobby and... dude. I am so gone, stat.
CASSINI: Shh. No you ain’t. We agreed to this.
JAMES: Hey, I look pretty good, though.
JAMES: *snerk* You on the other hand look like an unemployed pimp who doesn’t know what decade he’s from-the 70s or the 80s. Seriously, was there NO wardrobe budget for this flick? Or just too much time spent not giving a shit?
CASSINI: Eh... yo! Bellhop! My buddy and I are here for the American Idol auditions. Where they at?
HEADLESS BELLHOP: *snort* The Gay Mafia Lord Pride! convention is in event room 15, Mario.
CASSINI: You trashin’ on my red polyester coat? You think this is FAKE?
JAMES: Heh heh. My bellhop uniform was WAY cooler than that, dickflop.
JAMES: Geez, what a grouch.
JAMES: I mean, he should know that part of being a bellhop is being able to TAKE A JOKE every once in-
CASSINI: Will you stop pouting and get your ass in the car?
JAMES: Just for that, I’m going to stand here and bask in the glory of my adorably grumpy, hand-sculpted cheekboned face for another second or two.
JAMES: And look what I spy with my little eye. A fashionably decent shirt and tie!
CASSINI: One more shot of you and I’m taking off, moron.
JAMES: Speaking of grouches.
CASSINI: We don’t have any time to waste admiring your cheekbones and sulking over dickless bellhops. This is serious business here.
JAMES: Please take that hat off.
CASSINI: Now... when did you ever wear a BELLHOP uniform?
JAMES: I’m begging you. Take it off and burn it. And then burn the ashes.
CASSINI: Was Spike a bellhop in some incarnation? ‘Cause I don’t remember anything like that.
JAMES: Northern Exposure. I guest-starred as a bellhop way back in the day. I even had a jaunty little cap to complete the uniform.
CASSINI: “Jaunty”??
JAMES: Yeah. Like, what that rhinestoned Goodwill reject you’re wearing is NOT.
JAMES: So take the damned thing off before I have to look at you again, already.
CASSINI: You thinking what I’m thinking, baby?
JAMES: Hell, yeah. Why didn’t we think of this before? And what the FUCK did you just call me?
This one was a bit longer than usual since it's been a while :) I don't know if I should be ashamed or pepped to say stay tuned for Part-freaking-6!!!! I must be outta my mind. LOL. But, James Pretty. And so captionable.
*le sigh*
*le smooch*
*le glomp*
*le tackle*
*le boink*
What can I say. He just makes you wanna touch him. Am I wrong? ;p