Writing About Writing About Sex
This is a post I've wanted to do for a while. I'm writing about writing, because I rarely get to talk about writing. I mean the hows and whys, the behind-the-scenes stuff of what I do.
I think one reason I write so slowly is that I always have a technical and/or thematic goal in mind. I can't just think, "ooh, this would make a good story" and start scribbling. I always have something I'm trying to accomplish in the background, besides just telling a story. And I know that sounds really pompous because all I write is smut. But now I'm going to say something even more pompous: I may write sex, but what I write is never about just sex. Because there's no such thing as "just" sex.
I hear my hypothetical reader cry out, "But Spider! Fandom is the home of PWPs galore!" And so I say to you, dear hypothetical reader: I'm not talking about what anyone else writes; I'm talking about what I write. But okay, let's start this by talking about PWPs.
PWPs may be "without plot", but they are never without character, and plot arises from character (okay, okay, plot should, in my pompous opinion, arise from character). We read PWPs because they are about specific characters having sex. Otherwise, why aren't we off reading mainstream porn, right? We want to see how these particular characters interact with each other. Key word being "interact". (Okay, okay, we also read for Teh Hawtness -- just bear with me, okay?)
Creative Writing 101: every scene must either forward the plot or reveal character. There's some stretch available to that rule in novel-length works because you have more time and space for subtlety: setting, mood, etc. But for the most part, if you make your characters do something, they better be doing it for a reason.
That includes sex. Yes, even in a PWP. You're saying to your hypothetical reader (oh gawds, let's just say HR for short), "This is how these people behave when they're nekkid together." You're revealing character. You're saying, for example, "Lex is an evil seducer; Clark is a blushing virgin. Let me show you them." Otherwise, it's just generic Tab A, Slot B. (Or Tab C, Slot 47G -- whatever.) And if HR reads your story and thinks the behaviour is out of character, oh boy will they let you know! (WE LOVES FEEDBACK YES WE DO!) HR will be very, very upset because they wanted to read these characters having sex, not just generic porn. (Yeah, I know; one person's idea of in-character may be someone else's out of character, but that is way beyond the scope of this post.)
Not only that, but every sex scene has a plot arc. No, really! There's a start (for example, Sam slams Dean up against a truck-stop toilet wall) and a finish (mind-blowing orgasms galore!), and between them there is a plot and conflict. It can be almost anything: wrestling for who's on top, here-let-me-comfort-you, sweet gods I've wanted to do this for years now let me do it dammit, oh no please stop well okay if you insist... anything at all. Creative Writing 101: not all plots and conflicts are external; some are a character's internal struggle. (Sam angsts over idea of incest; Dean pours tequila shots; voila Teh Buttseks!)
Some people think sex scenes are difficult to write, and there are a lot of reasons that may be true. I could write a whole post specifically about how to write good sex; one of these days I want to teach a class in it. But until then, let me just suggest this. If your sex scene is boring you as you write it, it's sure as hell going to bore your HR. Your sex scene can be boring for several reasons, but I'm only going to talk about one here: it's probably Tab A, Slot B. You're saying to yourself, "I need a sex scene here: pant pant, gasp gasp, pump pump, orgasm!" You're saying to yourself, "Gaaah, how many different ways can I say cock?" You're saying, "This scene reads exactly like every other sex scene I've ever written." This is because you're ignoring character and plot. Think about why these characters are having sex -- even if it's simply because OMG UR SO HAWT I CAN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF U. In that case, is it really time to worry about synonyms for penis? If your HR notices that you're repeating "cock", they are not responding properly to your sex scene. (Proper responses include but are not limited to blushing, sweating, squirming, and one-handed scrolling with lube getting all over the mouse.) If you find yourself writing the same sex scene over and over, think about why: are the characters having the same sex over and over? Are they doing it the same way every time? Is this arising from character, or because you're being lazy as a writer? In either case, the fix is simple: ask yourself why they're doing it. You may surprise yourself into writing a completely different scene: "I'm really sick of you being on top all the time," said Rodney, flipping John onto his front and slapping him on the ass. "Now you're going to pay!" (I'm not in Stargate fandom so I don't know these characters; I'm just trying to give equal-opportunity examples. Please forgive me if I've done something unthinkable. Then ask yourself why it's unthinkable, and write a scene where it's thinkable!)
Simply put: Sentient beings (humans, aliens, etc.) NEVER come to sex with a blank slate. We all have our baggage, our history, our thoughts, upbringings, beliefs and attitudes. That, dear writer, is why HR is reading your story about these characters.
So, now that we've exploded the idea of the PWP, I can finally talk about myself. Heh. And since these days what I write is extremely kinky Jack/Ianto, that's what I'm going to talk about. Whee!
My "Close and Holy Darkness" series (CHD for short) is one of the most abstract things I've ever written. No, really! For one thing, kink sex is abstract sex by default; it's sex at one or more remove. Fetishes, in particular, are the very definition of abstract: assigning a sexual significance to a usually nonsexual object is the pinnacle of brain sex. (One word for you Torchwood fans: stopwatch. Raise your hand if you just giggled!)
But beyond that, there is not one moment when I'm writing CHD in which I am not trying to accomplish something. Usually many things at once, and I mean that's beside telling a story and reducing HR to a puddle of goo. I started writing CHD for one reason, and it's a brutal one: In my extremely pompous opinion, most BDSM fic out there is sheer crap and I wanted to Do It Right. Yes, it's also because I find Jack/Ianto to be the OMG HAWTEST THING IN THE GALAXY AND I LUV THEM MORE THAN CHOCOLATE, but also because their relationship is so complex ("You killed my lover! Prepare to ... um, get a blowjob! Yeah, that's it!" "That's okay, I'm holding a gun to your head, but I'll snog you silly later!"), and it's that complexity that I wanted to explore.
The most abstract facet of BDSM is Dominance/submission. It's the mental aspect as opposed to the physical. It's the most difficult to understand for people who don't "get" it, and the most difficult to describe in words. So I wrote "Proper For the Workplace" with one thing in mind (besides TEH HAWT): "How To Dominate A Sub Without Laying A Finger On Him". "Adaptive Evolution" is really "Using Physical and Mental Fatigue to Break Your Sub; or, Stockholm Syndrome Is Your Friend." (Because let's face it -- a BDSM relationship is really safe, sane, consensual abuse. The dom says, "I am going to fuck with your head." The sub says, "Oooh yay! Yes, please!" )
And it just went on from there. I'm not saying I have a subject heading in mind for each story in the series before I write it, and I am not saying that CHD is a how-to primer for BDSM. It is NOT. Okay? (Let me say that again. NOT NOT NOT. It's far too extreme. It's FICTION. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Got it? Good. Moving on now.) What I'm saying is simply that each story in the series allows me to explore one or more facets of a very complicated subject and a very intricate relationship between two very complex people.
That's also one reason that I don't use "scene jargon" in the stories. There are a number of others, both for plot/character reasons and writerly technical ones, but for the purposes of this "lecture" (*snort*) here's the biggie: jargon = shorthand, and shorthand = cop-out. By avoiding jargon, I'm forced to explore what each buzzword actually means. For example, I could say "sub space", but that wouldn't be of any use to a HR who doesn't know what the term means in the first place. It certainly isn't any use in describing what the sub is actually feeling. And that's what I want to do. I want to contemplate and examine and describe some really difficult emotional states, circumstances and events. Also, I want to let people who have no experience or interest in "BDSM classic" dip their toe into a new idea and test the water and perhaps discover it's not so scary after all. Even if they never want to experience this particular kind of thing, maybe there's something else out there they do want to experience, but they've always been too nervous, but now the possibilities seem the tiniest bit broader. Maybe, just maybe, HR's universe got a tiny bit bigger.
Or maybe they just think it's HAWT. And that is more than good enough for me. The best compliment people can give me is "I'll be in my bunk." Hee!
But all that's just technique. It's just writing-as-craft. And on top of the story-as-technical-exercise, AND the story-as-good-story, AND the story-as-HAWTNESS, I'm doing yet another thing: I'm exploring a theme. And that theme is love.
Here's a secret: When I write CHD, I'm not really writing a BDSM story -- that's just the trappings. I'm writing a series of stories about two people -- flawed, strong, broken, brilliant, beautiful people -- who are so fucked up they don't even know what intimacy is anymore. They're groping in the dark, and by sheer luck they find each other and cling to each other for reasons even they don't quite understand. They think they're keeping each other at arm's length by starting a relationship that's just about sex, but without realizing it, they discover that there's no such thing as "just sex". Each discovers the other's strengths and weaknesses; each discovers they can heal each other's weakness and lean on each other's strength, and love just sneaks up on them whether they want it or not, because that's what love does.
I hope that what I just wrote doesn't "ruin it" for people who've been reading CHD. I hope that revealing some of the technical tricks and thematic undercurrents I use doesn't take away from anyone's enjoyment. It's just that I get a lot of comments to the stories about how I don't use jargon, and how people who ordinarily wouldn't be into this kind of thing are kinda surprised to find themselves caught up in it. I find myself replying to those comments with bits and pieces of what this post is about, and I wanted to put it all in one place. In fact, I kinda hope that reading this post lets people enjoy CHD on a whole new level. This way, after you read the story and mop up all the lube and body juices, if you want to you can go back and read it again and think, "Oh, that's what she was doing. Now I get it."
Or, you know, not. That's cool too. :)
Why do I write sex? Because sex is a crucible. It's a microcosm of human experience, cranked up to the boiling point. It lets me write about intimacy and power dynamics and human psychology and alienation and love, all wrapped up in yummy dark chocolate. It lets me take my reader by the hand and say, "See? It's not so scary here at the deep end of the pool."
But also I write sex because, you know, it's JUST FUCKIN' HAWT.
I think one reason I write so slowly is that I always have a technical and/or thematic goal in mind. I can't just think, "ooh, this would make a good story" and start scribbling. I always have something I'm trying to accomplish in the background, besides just telling a story. And I know that sounds really pompous because all I write is smut. But now I'm going to say something even more pompous: I may write sex, but what I write is never about just sex. Because there's no such thing as "just" sex.
I hear my hypothetical reader cry out, "But Spider! Fandom is the home of PWPs galore!" And so I say to you, dear hypothetical reader: I'm not talking about what anyone else writes; I'm talking about what I write. But okay, let's start this by talking about PWPs.
PWPs may be "without plot", but they are never without character, and plot arises from character (okay, okay, plot should, in my pompous opinion, arise from character). We read PWPs because they are about specific characters having sex. Otherwise, why aren't we off reading mainstream porn, right? We want to see how these particular characters interact with each other. Key word being "interact". (Okay, okay, we also read for Teh Hawtness -- just bear with me, okay?)
Creative Writing 101: every scene must either forward the plot or reveal character. There's some stretch available to that rule in novel-length works because you have more time and space for subtlety: setting, mood, etc. But for the most part, if you make your characters do something, they better be doing it for a reason.
That includes sex. Yes, even in a PWP. You're saying to your hypothetical reader (oh gawds, let's just say HR for short), "This is how these people behave when they're nekkid together." You're revealing character. You're saying, for example, "Lex is an evil seducer; Clark is a blushing virgin. Let me show you them." Otherwise, it's just generic Tab A, Slot B. (Or Tab C, Slot 47G -- whatever.) And if HR reads your story and thinks the behaviour is out of character, oh boy will they let you know! (WE LOVES FEEDBACK YES WE DO!) HR will be very, very upset because they wanted to read these characters having sex, not just generic porn. (Yeah, I know; one person's idea of in-character may be someone else's out of character, but that is way beyond the scope of this post.)
Not only that, but every sex scene has a plot arc. No, really! There's a start (for example, Sam slams Dean up against a truck-stop toilet wall) and a finish (mind-blowing orgasms galore!), and between them there is a plot and conflict. It can be almost anything: wrestling for who's on top, here-let-me-comfort-you, sweet gods I've wanted to do this for years now let me do it dammit, oh no please stop well okay if you insist... anything at all. Creative Writing 101: not all plots and conflicts are external; some are a character's internal struggle. (Sam angsts over idea of incest; Dean pours tequila shots; voila Teh Buttseks!)
Some people think sex scenes are difficult to write, and there are a lot of reasons that may be true. I could write a whole post specifically about how to write good sex; one of these days I want to teach a class in it. But until then, let me just suggest this. If your sex scene is boring you as you write it, it's sure as hell going to bore your HR. Your sex scene can be boring for several reasons, but I'm only going to talk about one here: it's probably Tab A, Slot B. You're saying to yourself, "I need a sex scene here: pant pant, gasp gasp, pump pump, orgasm!" You're saying to yourself, "Gaaah, how many different ways can I say cock?" You're saying, "This scene reads exactly like every other sex scene I've ever written." This is because you're ignoring character and plot. Think about why these characters are having sex -- even if it's simply because OMG UR SO HAWT I CAN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF U. In that case, is it really time to worry about synonyms for penis? If your HR notices that you're repeating "cock", they are not responding properly to your sex scene. (Proper responses include but are not limited to blushing, sweating, squirming, and one-handed scrolling with lube getting all over the mouse.) If you find yourself writing the same sex scene over and over, think about why: are the characters having the same sex over and over? Are they doing it the same way every time? Is this arising from character, or because you're being lazy as a writer? In either case, the fix is simple: ask yourself why they're doing it. You may surprise yourself into writing a completely different scene: "I'm really sick of you being on top all the time," said Rodney, flipping John onto his front and slapping him on the ass. "Now you're going to pay!" (I'm not in Stargate fandom so I don't know these characters; I'm just trying to give equal-opportunity examples. Please forgive me if I've done something unthinkable. Then ask yourself why it's unthinkable, and write a scene where it's thinkable!)
Simply put: Sentient beings (humans, aliens, etc.) NEVER come to sex with a blank slate. We all have our baggage, our history, our thoughts, upbringings, beliefs and attitudes. That, dear writer, is why HR is reading your story about these characters.
So, now that we've exploded the idea of the PWP, I can finally talk about myself. Heh. And since these days what I write is extremely kinky Jack/Ianto, that's what I'm going to talk about. Whee!
My "Close and Holy Darkness" series (CHD for short) is one of the most abstract things I've ever written. No, really! For one thing, kink sex is abstract sex by default; it's sex at one or more remove. Fetishes, in particular, are the very definition of abstract: assigning a sexual significance to a usually nonsexual object is the pinnacle of brain sex. (One word for you Torchwood fans: stopwatch. Raise your hand if you just giggled!)
But beyond that, there is not one moment when I'm writing CHD in which I am not trying to accomplish something. Usually many things at once, and I mean that's beside telling a story and reducing HR to a puddle of goo. I started writing CHD for one reason, and it's a brutal one: In my extremely pompous opinion, most BDSM fic out there is sheer crap and I wanted to Do It Right. Yes, it's also because I find Jack/Ianto to be the OMG HAWTEST THING IN THE GALAXY AND I LUV THEM MORE THAN CHOCOLATE, but also because their relationship is so complex ("You killed my lover! Prepare to ... um, get a blowjob! Yeah, that's it!" "That's okay, I'm holding a gun to your head, but I'll snog you silly later!"), and it's that complexity that I wanted to explore.
The most abstract facet of BDSM is Dominance/submission. It's the mental aspect as opposed to the physical. It's the most difficult to understand for people who don't "get" it, and the most difficult to describe in words. So I wrote "Proper For the Workplace" with one thing in mind (besides TEH HAWT): "How To Dominate A Sub Without Laying A Finger On Him". "Adaptive Evolution" is really "Using Physical and Mental Fatigue to Break Your Sub; or, Stockholm Syndrome Is Your Friend." (Because let's face it -- a BDSM relationship is really safe, sane, consensual abuse. The dom says, "I am going to fuck with your head." The sub says, "Oooh yay! Yes, please!" )
And it just went on from there. I'm not saying I have a subject heading in mind for each story in the series before I write it, and I am not saying that CHD is a how-to primer for BDSM. It is NOT. Okay? (Let me say that again. NOT NOT NOT. It's far too extreme. It's FICTION. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Got it? Good. Moving on now.) What I'm saying is simply that each story in the series allows me to explore one or more facets of a very complicated subject and a very intricate relationship between two very complex people.
That's also one reason that I don't use "scene jargon" in the stories. There are a number of others, both for plot/character reasons and writerly technical ones, but for the purposes of this "lecture" (*snort*) here's the biggie: jargon = shorthand, and shorthand = cop-out. By avoiding jargon, I'm forced to explore what each buzzword actually means. For example, I could say "sub space", but that wouldn't be of any use to a HR who doesn't know what the term means in the first place. It certainly isn't any use in describing what the sub is actually feeling. And that's what I want to do. I want to contemplate and examine and describe some really difficult emotional states, circumstances and events. Also, I want to let people who have no experience or interest in "BDSM classic" dip their toe into a new idea and test the water and perhaps discover it's not so scary after all. Even if they never want to experience this particular kind of thing, maybe there's something else out there they do want to experience, but they've always been too nervous, but now the possibilities seem the tiniest bit broader. Maybe, just maybe, HR's universe got a tiny bit bigger.
Or maybe they just think it's HAWT. And that is more than good enough for me. The best compliment people can give me is "I'll be in my bunk." Hee!
But all that's just technique. It's just writing-as-craft. And on top of the story-as-technical-exercise, AND the story-as-good-story, AND the story-as-HAWTNESS, I'm doing yet another thing: I'm exploring a theme. And that theme is love.
Here's a secret: When I write CHD, I'm not really writing a BDSM story -- that's just the trappings. I'm writing a series of stories about two people -- flawed, strong, broken, brilliant, beautiful people -- who are so fucked up they don't even know what intimacy is anymore. They're groping in the dark, and by sheer luck they find each other and cling to each other for reasons even they don't quite understand. They think they're keeping each other at arm's length by starting a relationship that's just about sex, but without realizing it, they discover that there's no such thing as "just sex". Each discovers the other's strengths and weaknesses; each discovers they can heal each other's weakness and lean on each other's strength, and love just sneaks up on them whether they want it or not, because that's what love does.
I hope that what I just wrote doesn't "ruin it" for people who've been reading CHD. I hope that revealing some of the technical tricks and thematic undercurrents I use doesn't take away from anyone's enjoyment. It's just that I get a lot of comments to the stories about how I don't use jargon, and how people who ordinarily wouldn't be into this kind of thing are kinda surprised to find themselves caught up in it. I find myself replying to those comments with bits and pieces of what this post is about, and I wanted to put it all in one place. In fact, I kinda hope that reading this post lets people enjoy CHD on a whole new level. This way, after you read the story and mop up all the lube and body juices, if you want to you can go back and read it again and think, "Oh, that's what she was doing. Now I get it."
Or, you know, not. That's cool too. :)
Why do I write sex? Because sex is a crucible. It's a microcosm of human experience, cranked up to the boiling point. It lets me write about intimacy and power dynamics and human psychology and alienation and love, all wrapped up in yummy dark chocolate. It lets me take my reader by the hand and say, "See? It's not so scary here at the deep end of the pool."
But also I write sex because, you know, it's JUST FUCKIN' HAWT.