Title: On the Road of Life Love is like Chickenpox, Everyone Gets it at Some Point
Author:
spicy_diamond Fandom: Gintama
Pairing: Okita Sougo / Kagura
Table: Romance
Prompts: 19. Surprise, 08. Home, 01. Infatuation, 14. Certainty, 15. Date
Rating: PG
Words: 200 (x5)
Challenge:
drabble123 Summary: Kagura, Okita, gratuitous violence, and love as an infectious disease.
Notes: Banter/Fluff. I offer no excuses.
When Life Gives You Lemons, Sell Them at Jacked Up Prices
Prompt: 19. Surprise
“Crepes! Get your crepes!” Kagura adjusted her vending box to make sure the straps were holding up and pitched her voice a tad higher. “Crepes!! I've got chocolate, strawberry, puce-”
“Man, you're loud.”
She paused mid-sales pitch, whipping around as fast as the over-sized box would allow.
“I ought to cite you for disturbing the peace.” Okita rubbed an ear looking particularly bored.
“You.” She glared. “Don't you have better manners than to bother a girl when she's working?”
“'Working?'” He droned disbelievingly. “Try cleaning those crumbs off your mouth before you speak, China.”
“I was testing them! Testing!” Kagura wiped furiously only to fume as she realized that she'd been tricked. “Seriously, isn't there crime for you to go fight or something?!”
“Oh, right. I almost forgot.” He casually drew out his Shinsengumi notebook. “I'm going to need to see your vendor's permit.”
“Permit?”
“Otherwise, I'll have to fine you 3000 yen and a strawberry crepe.”
“What?! You-” Kagura gave a wordless shriek of frustration before purposefully hefting a crepe in either hand and taking aim at a nonplussed Okita. “Fine this, jerk-off!!”
When Meeting the In-Laws Remember to be on Your Best Behavior
Prompt: 08. Home
“Damaging public property? Attacking a police officer? Jail time?!” Gintoki gave a fake, heaving sob worthy of a housewife. “Why Kagura, why? I raised you so much better than this!”
“You know,” Hijikata interrupted flatly. “Crying won't make me lower the cost of bail.”
“Oh. Damn.” Gin straightened, dusting off his kimono. “...Should I haggle instead?”
“Look, just fork over the money already you-”
“Wait, I know we were in the wrong not having permits and all,” Shinpachi cut in, directing their attention back to the root of the problem with a wild gesture towards the cell where Kagura lay wrapped head to toe in irons. “But don't you think this a little much?!”
Seemingly in agreement, Kagura growled venomously through her gag and thrashed about on the floor.
“Ah, that.” Okita piped up from the back of the room, speaking in between bites of crepe. “Well. We had the gag off earlier, but then she bit Yamazaki.”
He sounded almost pleased with this fact.
Shinpachi stared at the captain for one long, deeply disturbed moment before turning back towards Hijikata and Gin.
“Would you consider taking installments?”
If You Think About it, Cooties Have Infected More People Than AIDS
Prompt: 01. Infatuation
“He threw you in jail again?” Tae took stock of their irritated faces while dishing out supper. “What is this, the seventh time?”
“Eighth.”
“It's almost cute, isn't it?” She continued. “He's like a schoolboy with a crush. Only without the tugging on pigtails.”
“What?!?” Shinpachi and Gin hacked on what little of their meal they'd managed to choke down.
“A crush?” Kagura's scowl deepened. “I'll crush him.”
“Not like that Kagura-chan.” She tittered at the younger girl's confusion. “I meant he likes you.”
This time it was Kagura who choked.
“Just remember,” Tae cautioned. “Men are like animals, sometimes you have to use force to show them who's boss.”
“Aneue!” Shinpachi regained control of his motor-skills. “Don't teach her weird things!”
He was abruptly silenced from further comment by way of Gin's boot.
“Animals.” The samurai seconded quickly. “In fact Kagura, it's better to stay away from them altogether. Most have diseases.”
“Even I know that much.” Kagura gave him a dirty look.
“Not those kinds of diseases.” Gintoki hastily corrected, then paused for dramatic emphasis. “I'm talking... about cooties.”
Always Make Certain Your Medical Professionals Know What They're Doing
Prompt: 14. Certainty
The last thing Okita had expected when jumping in for their usual brawl was to be shut out by an opened umbrella.
“Go away.” She told him. “I don't want to play with you.”
“Oh,” Okita straightened up from his fighting stance. “Is that so?”
“Yeah! Gin-chan told me all about your disgusting Earth diseases. So I don't want anything to do with them.”
“Diseases?” He snorted, shifting a couple of steps only to have the umbrella track his movement. “If anything you're the one with weird space diseases. I can already tell that your brain's been infected.”
“Well, at least I don't have cooties!!”
There was a long moment of silence.
“Cooties?” He repeated.
“Cooties!” She gave a smug sound from behind the safety of her barrier. “And when you start turning purple and growing horns, I'll be there laughing my-”
The umbrella jerked upward and Kagura abruptly found herself nose to nose with the enemy.
“Did Danna also tell you there was a shot you could get for it?”
She eyed him warily. “No.”
“Here,” Okita formed a fist. “Let me show you.”
It's Only a Date If He Offers to Buy Her Food
Prompt: 15. Date
Elbow deep in dirty dish water, Shinpachi frowned thoughtfully at the distant thumps of Kagura scrambling about in Gintoki's closet.
“Hey, Gin-san?” He glanced over to where the samurai was sprawled across the couch, Jump in hand. “Do you think it might have been a bad idea telling Kagura-chan those stories? What if she takes them seriously?”
“Nah, cooties are all part of growing up. Kagura might not be the sharpest zanpakutou in the box, but she'll figure it out eventually. Besides,” Gin flipped a page. “Those two are bad enough on their own. Do you really want to imagine what would happen if they got along?”
“Good point.” Shinpachi paled, hunching further over the sink.
Further conversation on the matter was stalled as Kagura entered the room.
“I'm off!” She announced. “That jerk-wad said if I met him in the park he'd give me free food.”
The sudden, horrified silence was punctuated by Gin ripping his Jump in two.
“W-w-wait, Kagura, I thought you were staying away from that guy?!”
“Yes, remember the cooties!”
“Already covered.” She declared confidently. “He showed me how to get a cootie shot!”