Finding the Words (Lily/Remus), by Mere
Title: Finding the Words
Author: Mere/MerryD
Pairing: Lily/Remus
Prompt: something to talk about
Rating: 6th-7th Years
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1,862
Lily had been looking forward to being a Prefect ever since she’d gotten her Hogwarts letter in the middle of the summer and the shiny gold badge had fallen out. Well, to be honest, she’d been looking forward to being a Prefect ever since she’d watched Molly Prewett take points off of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter for giving Sara Ryan mouse ears and a tail (“It’s because she’s so quiet!” explained Sirius gleefully) their first year.
All of her friends had assured her that she would be the Gryffindor Prefect, that really there was no competition, but she hadn’t believed them-or, at least, she’d told herself she didn’t believe them because she didn’t want to seem confident. To be honest, when she’d seen the badge she hadn’t been surprised at all. Delighted, nervous, grown-up, smart, yes. Surprised, shocked, startled? No.
Despite all her anticipation, all that she’d expected it to be, it was kind of boring. The bathrooms were amazing and the respect the younger students showed her was startling. But it was boring.
Especially Monday nights. Monday nights she spent patrolling with Remus Lupin, the other Gryffindor Prefect. Out of all the Gryffindor boys in her year, Lily guessed that Remus was probably the best choice for the position. However, that still didn’t really make him “Prefect” material. He was intelligent, but more often than not it seemed he ended up using his intelligence to assist his friends with pranking someone.
Yet there he was, walking next to her in silence. Again. They’d been back at school for nearly two months now. That meant that this was the seventh silent Monday night.
It was awkward.
There was no other way to describe it. The silence hung thick and heavy, suffocating her. If she could just think of something to say, find a way to break the silence that felt very near to swallowing her.
But there was nothing. Lily could think of absolutely nothing to say.
She knew very little about Remus, but just randomly asking him questions like “what’s your favourite colour?” or “where do you go every month?” seemed like it would only make the situation weirder. She’d thought about talking about classes, but “so, Shield Charms, interesting stuff, eh?” or “that Shrinking solution was a bit tricky today, don’t you think so?” just sounded so . . . so wrong.
When she saw the portrait of the Fat Lady, Lily sighed. Yet another long, wordless night. They reached the portrait, Remus gave the password and stepped back to let Lily through. Lily smiled up at him, meeting his brown eyes, surprised at how warm and kind they were.
Long after they’d entered the common room, said the only three words they ever said to each other-“Good night, Lily.” “Good night, Remus.”-when Lily was lying in her bed, she closed her eyes and saw a warm brown pair and a kind smile. It was the same every night.
*
Lily sat next to Alice in Defense Against the Dark Arts, four seats back and two to the right from Remus. As they scribbled notes on the proper wand movement for the Stunning Spell, Lily couldn’t help but watch Remus as he laughed and joked with his friends. She wondered what they talked about.
Were they talking about the spell? The class in general? Another class? Lily wondered briefly which class was Remus’s favourite. Maybe they were planning something. Remus really shouldn’t be involved in any of their plans since he was a Prefect, but Lily doubted that would really stop him. What else did fifteen year old boys talk about? Quidditch? But only James played and while the others probably enjoyed watching it, Lily doubted they talked about it a lot. Girls. Teenage boys talked about girls. Lily flushed slightly at the thought.
Did they ever talk about her? Did Remus ever talk about her? What did he say about her? What did any of them say about her?
“Lily! Lily!” Alice was tapping her on the shoulder with a quill.
“What?” Lily looked around at her, surprised.
Alice looked amused. “Class is over.”
“Oh. Right.” Lily picked up her bag and shoved her quill and parchment in.
As they headed out of the classroom, inspiration hit Lily. Alice was friendly. Alice talked to everybody. Everybody talked to Alice. “Hey, Alice.”
“Yeah?”
“What do you say to someone you can’t think of anything to say to?”
Alice looked at her surprised. “Who are you having trouble talking to?”
Lily felt her face heat up. “No one.”
“Yeah, sure.” Alice grinned. “Come on . . . tell me who he is. I’ll tell you who I like.”
“Alice, everyone knows you’re going out with Frank Longbottom.”
Alice’s grin widened. “So you aren’t as oblivious to the gossip of Hogwarts as we all thought. I’ll have to tell the others.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “I’m not oblivious-I just try to ignore it.”
“If you say so.”
They walked a few steps in silence. Lily tried to make her voice sound casual as she asked, “So, how did you start talking to Frank?”
Clearly, her attempt at casual failed. Alice burst out laughing. “Oh, Lily . . .”
“What?” she asked, slightly annoyed.
“I can’t believe you’re having problems talking to a guy. You don’t have problems talking to anyone-you’re friends with Snape, for the love of Merlin. If you can find something to talk about with him, then surely you can find something to talk about with someone-nicer. And cleaner. And generally less scary. Unless-” Alice broke off, her eye widening.
The defenses of Severus fell off of Lily’s tongue at Alice’s expression. “Unless what?”
“Lily.” Alice looked genuinely concerned. “It’s not-he’s not-you know--worse that Snape?”
“Alice!” Lily didn’t know why she was reprimanding her-for insinuating that Severus was terrible or for even considering that she would like someone . . . well, worse than Sev.
Alice looked relieved and didn’t require further explanation, which Lily was exceedingly grateful for. At the door to Charms, Alice grabbed Lily’s arm, stopping her from entering. “My advice?” she offered, “Say the first thing that comes into your head, even if it’s stupid. Then you can laugh about it later. Breaking the ice is the hard part.”
Lily smiled at her. “Thanks.” The advice itself wasn’t really much of a comfort, but Alice’s tone and the fact that she was trying to help her was nice.
They walked into class, Lily automatically seeking out Remus with her eyes. He was talking to a blonde Hufflepuff. Lily bit the inside of her cheek. So he could talk to blondes then, but not her? Or maybe he preferred Hufflepuffs . . .
She forced herself to look away as she sat down next to Christine Jacobs, who was very nice, but also a Hufflepuff. Lily wondered if Remus would talk to her.
Alice paused by Lily on her way to her own seat by Mark Jordan-another Hufflepuff, but not a girl, so Lily really didn’t care if he’d ever talked to Remus or not. Leaning down, Alice whispered, “The first thing I said to Frank was ‘I think I ate too much pie.’”
Lily laughed. “Seriously?”
Alice nodded, grinning, and she walked away. Lily laughed again to herself-ate too much pie. She stole another glance at Remus, who was now turned around and talking to Sirius sitting behind him. He was always talking-to everyone but her. Why?
*
It was Monday night again. It had seemed to take forever to get here and had arrived all too quickly at the same time. So far, it was just like any other Monday night of her fifth year-slow and quiet. Agonizingly slow and aggravatingly quiet.
They were about halfway through the route assigned to them and Remus hadn’t shown any signs of talking. Lily had scoured her brain for something natural and cool to say, but, as usual, she’d come up with nothing. She felt as though she were about to explode. So, she took Alice’s advice.
“I hate fish.”
What. The. Fuck. Why, brain, why?
Remus looked around at her curiously. “Do you?”
“Yes,” said Lily because there was nothing else to say at this point. Maybe they could just pretend this never happened . . .
“Why?” Remus sounded amused.
Lily looked up at him, hopeful. He didn’t look like he thought she was insane. Or at least, if he did he thought it was funny and not a cause for concern. Lily decided not to wonder whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. “I don’t know. I think it’s the way their bulge out.”
“I can see that. Personally, thought, it’s their gills. The thought of breathing through your throat is just weird.”
Lily stared at him. “Are you making fun of me?” she asked, finally.
He grinned slyly at her. “Yes.”
Lily stopped walking. He thinks I’m ridiculous-that’s why he’s never talked to me-Oh, Merlin! Her faced burned.
Remus stopped a little ways down the hallway and turned to look back at her. “What did you expect, Lily? You started talking about fish.”
She looked down at the floor and scuffed her toe across the surface. “I couldn’t think of anything else to say,” she muttered.
“I didn’t realize you were trying,” said Remus softly, sounding a lot closer to her. “To think of something to say, that is.”
Lily looked up, surprised. He was standing right in front of her. Her stomach flipped. “What do you mean?”
Remus shrugged. “I liked that we were quiet. It felt natural.” He took a step closer to her. “I didn’t feel like I had to be anyone or anything in front of you.”
“Really?” asked Lily sheepishly, her heart pounding.
Remus nodded. Slowly, he leaned forward. Lily leaned forward, too, and closed her eyes. Their noses brushed and Lily tilted her head awkwardly. Finally, their lips met. His were warm, soft, and gentle.
She moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips harder against his. It was clumsy and awkward, but Lily felt wanted. His hands on her back made her skin tingle with excitement. His lips on hers filled her entire body with warmth and made her stomach swoop with longing and satisfaction.
When they broke apart, they just stood there, looking at each other. Lily smiled. Remus smiled back.
The silence was no longer uncomfortable. It was full of understanding and wanting. Lily enjoyed it. She didn’t think, not for a moment, about what to say. When she did finally speak, it was natural.
“And they stink.”
“What?” Remus looked surprised and confused.
“Fish.” Lily wrinkled her nose. “They stink.”
Remus laughed. “They’re also slimy.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind-hey. You’re making fun of me again.”
“Lily.” He ran his finger along her jaw and leaned in so his lips brushed against hers as he spoke. “You’re talking about fish.”
Lily cupped his cheek with her hand and kissed him again.
At least talking about fish was talking about something.
Author: Mere/MerryD
Pairing: Lily/Remus
Prompt: something to talk about
Rating: 6th-7th Years
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1,862
Lily had been looking forward to being a Prefect ever since she’d gotten her Hogwarts letter in the middle of the summer and the shiny gold badge had fallen out. Well, to be honest, she’d been looking forward to being a Prefect ever since she’d watched Molly Prewett take points off of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter for giving Sara Ryan mouse ears and a tail (“It’s because she’s so quiet!” explained Sirius gleefully) their first year.
All of her friends had assured her that she would be the Gryffindor Prefect, that really there was no competition, but she hadn’t believed them-or, at least, she’d told herself she didn’t believe them because she didn’t want to seem confident. To be honest, when she’d seen the badge she hadn’t been surprised at all. Delighted, nervous, grown-up, smart, yes. Surprised, shocked, startled? No.
Despite all her anticipation, all that she’d expected it to be, it was kind of boring. The bathrooms were amazing and the respect the younger students showed her was startling. But it was boring.
Especially Monday nights. Monday nights she spent patrolling with Remus Lupin, the other Gryffindor Prefect. Out of all the Gryffindor boys in her year, Lily guessed that Remus was probably the best choice for the position. However, that still didn’t really make him “Prefect” material. He was intelligent, but more often than not it seemed he ended up using his intelligence to assist his friends with pranking someone.
Yet there he was, walking next to her in silence. Again. They’d been back at school for nearly two months now. That meant that this was the seventh silent Monday night.
It was awkward.
There was no other way to describe it. The silence hung thick and heavy, suffocating her. If she could just think of something to say, find a way to break the silence that felt very near to swallowing her.
But there was nothing. Lily could think of absolutely nothing to say.
She knew very little about Remus, but just randomly asking him questions like “what’s your favourite colour?” or “where do you go every month?” seemed like it would only make the situation weirder. She’d thought about talking about classes, but “so, Shield Charms, interesting stuff, eh?” or “that Shrinking solution was a bit tricky today, don’t you think so?” just sounded so . . . so wrong.
When she saw the portrait of the Fat Lady, Lily sighed. Yet another long, wordless night. They reached the portrait, Remus gave the password and stepped back to let Lily through. Lily smiled up at him, meeting his brown eyes, surprised at how warm and kind they were.
Long after they’d entered the common room, said the only three words they ever said to each other-“Good night, Lily.” “Good night, Remus.”-when Lily was lying in her bed, she closed her eyes and saw a warm brown pair and a kind smile. It was the same every night.
*
Lily sat next to Alice in Defense Against the Dark Arts, four seats back and two to the right from Remus. As they scribbled notes on the proper wand movement for the Stunning Spell, Lily couldn’t help but watch Remus as he laughed and joked with his friends. She wondered what they talked about.
Were they talking about the spell? The class in general? Another class? Lily wondered briefly which class was Remus’s favourite. Maybe they were planning something. Remus really shouldn’t be involved in any of their plans since he was a Prefect, but Lily doubted that would really stop him. What else did fifteen year old boys talk about? Quidditch? But only James played and while the others probably enjoyed watching it, Lily doubted they talked about it a lot. Girls. Teenage boys talked about girls. Lily flushed slightly at the thought.
Did they ever talk about her? Did Remus ever talk about her? What did he say about her? What did any of them say about her?
“Lily! Lily!” Alice was tapping her on the shoulder with a quill.
“What?” Lily looked around at her, surprised.
Alice looked amused. “Class is over.”
“Oh. Right.” Lily picked up her bag and shoved her quill and parchment in.
As they headed out of the classroom, inspiration hit Lily. Alice was friendly. Alice talked to everybody. Everybody talked to Alice. “Hey, Alice.”
“Yeah?”
“What do you say to someone you can’t think of anything to say to?”
Alice looked at her surprised. “Who are you having trouble talking to?”
Lily felt her face heat up. “No one.”
“Yeah, sure.” Alice grinned. “Come on . . . tell me who he is. I’ll tell you who I like.”
“Alice, everyone knows you’re going out with Frank Longbottom.”
Alice’s grin widened. “So you aren’t as oblivious to the gossip of Hogwarts as we all thought. I’ll have to tell the others.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “I’m not oblivious-I just try to ignore it.”
“If you say so.”
They walked a few steps in silence. Lily tried to make her voice sound casual as she asked, “So, how did you start talking to Frank?”
Clearly, her attempt at casual failed. Alice burst out laughing. “Oh, Lily . . .”
“What?” she asked, slightly annoyed.
“I can’t believe you’re having problems talking to a guy. You don’t have problems talking to anyone-you’re friends with Snape, for the love of Merlin. If you can find something to talk about with him, then surely you can find something to talk about with someone-nicer. And cleaner. And generally less scary. Unless-” Alice broke off, her eye widening.
The defenses of Severus fell off of Lily’s tongue at Alice’s expression. “Unless what?”
“Lily.” Alice looked genuinely concerned. “It’s not-he’s not-you know--worse that Snape?”
“Alice!” Lily didn’t know why she was reprimanding her-for insinuating that Severus was terrible or for even considering that she would like someone . . . well, worse than Sev.
Alice looked relieved and didn’t require further explanation, which Lily was exceedingly grateful for. At the door to Charms, Alice grabbed Lily’s arm, stopping her from entering. “My advice?” she offered, “Say the first thing that comes into your head, even if it’s stupid. Then you can laugh about it later. Breaking the ice is the hard part.”
Lily smiled at her. “Thanks.” The advice itself wasn’t really much of a comfort, but Alice’s tone and the fact that she was trying to help her was nice.
They walked into class, Lily automatically seeking out Remus with her eyes. He was talking to a blonde Hufflepuff. Lily bit the inside of her cheek. So he could talk to blondes then, but not her? Or maybe he preferred Hufflepuffs . . .
She forced herself to look away as she sat down next to Christine Jacobs, who was very nice, but also a Hufflepuff. Lily wondered if Remus would talk to her.
Alice paused by Lily on her way to her own seat by Mark Jordan-another Hufflepuff, but not a girl, so Lily really didn’t care if he’d ever talked to Remus or not. Leaning down, Alice whispered, “The first thing I said to Frank was ‘I think I ate too much pie.’”
Lily laughed. “Seriously?”
Alice nodded, grinning, and she walked away. Lily laughed again to herself-ate too much pie. She stole another glance at Remus, who was now turned around and talking to Sirius sitting behind him. He was always talking-to everyone but her. Why?
*
It was Monday night again. It had seemed to take forever to get here and had arrived all too quickly at the same time. So far, it was just like any other Monday night of her fifth year-slow and quiet. Agonizingly slow and aggravatingly quiet.
They were about halfway through the route assigned to them and Remus hadn’t shown any signs of talking. Lily had scoured her brain for something natural and cool to say, but, as usual, she’d come up with nothing. She felt as though she were about to explode. So, she took Alice’s advice.
“I hate fish.”
What. The. Fuck. Why, brain, why?
Remus looked around at her curiously. “Do you?”
“Yes,” said Lily because there was nothing else to say at this point. Maybe they could just pretend this never happened . . .
“Why?” Remus sounded amused.
Lily looked up at him, hopeful. He didn’t look like he thought she was insane. Or at least, if he did he thought it was funny and not a cause for concern. Lily decided not to wonder whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. “I don’t know. I think it’s the way their bulge out.”
“I can see that. Personally, thought, it’s their gills. The thought of breathing through your throat is just weird.”
Lily stared at him. “Are you making fun of me?” she asked, finally.
He grinned slyly at her. “Yes.”
Lily stopped walking. He thinks I’m ridiculous-that’s why he’s never talked to me-Oh, Merlin! Her faced burned.
Remus stopped a little ways down the hallway and turned to look back at her. “What did you expect, Lily? You started talking about fish.”
She looked down at the floor and scuffed her toe across the surface. “I couldn’t think of anything else to say,” she muttered.
“I didn’t realize you were trying,” said Remus softly, sounding a lot closer to her. “To think of something to say, that is.”
Lily looked up, surprised. He was standing right in front of her. Her stomach flipped. “What do you mean?”
Remus shrugged. “I liked that we were quiet. It felt natural.” He took a step closer to her. “I didn’t feel like I had to be anyone or anything in front of you.”
“Really?” asked Lily sheepishly, her heart pounding.
Remus nodded. Slowly, he leaned forward. Lily leaned forward, too, and closed her eyes. Their noses brushed and Lily tilted her head awkwardly. Finally, their lips met. His were warm, soft, and gentle.
She moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips harder against his. It was clumsy and awkward, but Lily felt wanted. His hands on her back made her skin tingle with excitement. His lips on hers filled her entire body with warmth and made her stomach swoop with longing and satisfaction.
When they broke apart, they just stood there, looking at each other. Lily smiled. Remus smiled back.
The silence was no longer uncomfortable. It was full of understanding and wanting. Lily enjoyed it. She didn’t think, not for a moment, about what to say. When she did finally speak, it was natural.
“And they stink.”
“What?” Remus looked surprised and confused.
“Fish.” Lily wrinkled her nose. “They stink.”
Remus laughed. “They’re also slimy.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind-hey. You’re making fun of me again.”
“Lily.” He ran his finger along her jaw and leaned in so his lips brushed against hers as he spoke. “You’re talking about fish.”
Lily cupped his cheek with her hand and kissed him again.
At least talking about fish was talking about something.