Amongst the Roses, for Marie
Title: Amongst the Roses
For: Marie (ElectronicQuillster)
Characters/Pairings: Lily/James and Sirius Black
Rating: 3rd to 5th years
Warnings (if any): None
A/N: I really hope you like this, Mar! I tried my hardest to give you something as close to your main request as possible. Merry Christmas! [Thanks, Nikki (fg_weasley), for betaing this fic. <3]
November, 1979
She was sitting alone when he noticed her, amongst bursts of red roses and piles of extravagantly wrapped presents, wearing a white dress that strangled her torso, flowed out at her hips. He could tell that the dress restricted her breathing by the sight of her flushed cheeks and heaving chest.
He also noticed that the rich setting of flowers and gifts overwhelmed her, allowed her to hide. She had been absorbed, transforming from a bride to merely part of the backdrop.
He immediately crossed the floor to join her.
Glancing up at him, she smiled. He realised then that despite the pain her tight dress was causing her, she was beaming. Her eyes were bright with enthusiasm, and her expression upon seeing him made him feel somewhat important, as if perhaps there was more than one person in the room who valued his presence.
‘Sirius,’ she said, continuing to smile. ‘Are you having a good time?’
This warmed him. Her concern for the interests of others was eternal, even on an evening that was designed to be centered on her. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘But are you?’
She grinned, exposing perfect teeth. ‘Did the fact that I can’t breathe give you the impression that I’m not?’
Sirius shrugged. ‘You’re also sitting alone.’
Immediately, she stood, her curls of red hair bouncing as she moved. Straightening the skirt of her dress, she looked at him intently. ‘Not anymore. Dance with me?’
Taking her soft hand into his, Sirius led the bride onto the busy dance floor, avoiding the many couples who spun at them vigorously, enjoying the night. ‘Don’t you have a husband to do this with?’ he asked with a smirk.
‘He’s celebrating with my dad,’ she told him as they settled in the centre of floor. Sirius’ hand met her back and hers reached his shoulder. Together they glanced over towards the other side of the room, where her father and husband were throwing down glasses of champaign.
‘You must be terribly embarrassed,’ Sirius said wryly.
She threw her head back in laughter as they moved across the floor together. ‘I’m letting them have their fun.’
The music of the orchestra slowed, and Sirius remained there with her, feeling the sound of the night spread itself through his veins. They both watched as the bride’s groom and father swung themselves into intense, drunken conversation, their mouths moving as if to the tune of the song.
As Sirius let his gaze drift around the room, he saw the many eyes that stared back at him, or at the woman who danced against him, their eyes glazed over with faint smiles on their faces. ‘Weddings turn people into idiots,’ he realised out loud.
She laughed again. ‘I just wish they’d all stop staring. I feel like I’m in a cage at the zoo.’
They danced slowly passed more of her audience, the light from the torches circling the dance floor illuminating the faintly interested expressions. ‘You’re the bride,’ he said. ‘Surely you expected this. It’s hardly a small wedding for family and friends, you know.’
It was true; the wedding had been extravagant and the guest list even more extensive. ‘I sort of let Mum and Dad take over. It was easier that way.’
Sirius looked at her closely then; her happiness was only vague on her expression, yet he could feel it pulsing from her. ‘It doesn’t bother you that you had no control? It’s an important day.’ He paused. ‘Or so I’ve heard.’
‘No,’ she said, glancing up at him, her green eyes reflecting the flames around them. ‘I’m just thankful for having somebody to marry at all, really.’
His eyes darted back over to where her husband sat. He was watching them now, having been abandoned by his father-in-law. Catching Sirius’ eye, he raised his hand, grinning. The best man waved in return. ‘Unlike me, you mean,’ he said to the bride, his eyes remaining with the man across the room.
‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘You have somebody, Sirius. You have us.’
Letting out a short laugh, he lightly pushed her away from him, extending his arm and allowing her to spin under their joined fingertips. ‘I was joking. No need to get all sentimental.’
Pulling her back, they continued to slowly sway to the orchestra. Neither spoke for a while after that, their thoughts carrying them away from each other, onto new people and places and dreams.
‘You know, Sirius,’ she said, breaking the silence between them, ‘I always used to think you hated me - back when we were in school.’
Letting his gaze wander around the room, Sirius’ lips broke into a fragile, quivering grin. ‘Well, Evans,’ he said with a laugh, ‘that would be because I did.’
*
December, 1978
‘He hates me, you know,’ Lily whispered to the young man beside her. They were seated on a small couch, their knees touching, clutching cups of tea in their hands.
She heard him chuckle quietly, nervously, as if to cover the truth. ‘No he doesn’t,’ he said. ‘Don’t be stupid.’
As she lifted her gaze to the person entering the room to join them, she convinced herself that she wasn’t being stupid at all. Sirius Black walked with heavy footsteps across the floor of James Potter’s living room, and slumped himself down onto the lounge adjacent to theirs.
As Sirius jumped into an energetic conversation with James, Lily stifled the desire to roll her eyes.
It had been two days since she had arrived at the Potters’ to celebrate the last few days of the holidays, and in that time she had not spoken a word to the family’s other guest. She had allowed herself to consider the possibility that perhaps she was the one creating the barrier between them, but the thought was only fleeting.
She had always been sensitive to the emotions of others, and knew instantly when a person did not appreciate her presence. At this point in time, that person was her boyfriend’s best friend.
As the two spoke animatedly beside her, Lily stared out through the living room window. Snow had fallen earlier, but the air was motionless as she watched. If not for the cold, she’d have gone outside and played in the thin layer of white as she’d done as a child.
Anything to escape his bitterness, and the fact that he wished she was not there at all.
*
Later that evening, when she and James were finally alone in an upstairs bedroom, she realised that Sirius ultimately got his wish. Often, she felt invisible when the two of them were together, as if Sirius’ energy and character forced her to immediately fade away when he entered a room.
They had a friendship that she’d always struggled to understand. She wondered why Sirius seemed to view James as a brother, when he already had a real one at home.
‘James,’ Lily said, staring at the many items placed chaotically on the top of his bedroom dresser. A photo of James and Sirius in their Quidditch uniforms, arms around each other’s shoulders, smiles as bright as the sun. She remembered that game. They hadn’t even won.
‘Mm?’ James mumbled from where he lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
‘Why does Sirius come here for Christmas?’ she asked. ‘Are things with his family really that bad?’
She glanced over at James, and he turned his head to look at her. ‘What do you think?’ He raised his eyebrows expectantly.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine a mother not inviting her son over for Christmas dinner. He must have done something bad.’ Her last words were said as a question, as she had always wondered the story behind Sirius’ moving out of home.
When James spoke, she sensed the anger in his tone. ‘Don’t assume that it was Sirius who did something. You really don’t know enough about it to say something like that, Lily.’
She turned to him. ‘That’s because you never tell me about it. What am I supposed to think?’
‘You’re supposed to give Sirius the benefit of the doubt,’ James snapped, sitting up on the bed. She realised his love for his best friend at that moment, and ways in which he was willing to defend him.
‘When has he ever deserved it?’ she asked, the volume of her voice rising slightly. Thinking immediately of the way Sirius behaved around people who weren’t his best friends, Lily struggled to imagine how anyone else but him could have been the problem.
It was true that Sirius had never impressed Lily at any moment. His foul sense of humour and way of manipulating those around him clashed with most aspects of her personality. The fact that he resented her interruption of his quiet family Christmas with the Potters did not improve the relationship, either.
‘Look,’ James said, crossing the room to join her by the dresser, having calmed himself from brief anger, ‘you think Sirius hates you. But have you ever tried giving him a reason not to?’
Lily sighed, staring up at the forgiving face in front of her. ‘I guess not.’
‘Well, maybe,’ he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking firmly into her eyes, ‘if it wouldn’t kill you, you could give it a try.’
*
November, 1979
It had taken many months, Lily reflected now, on her wedding day, for a friendship with Sirius to finally bloom. She had taken James’ advice, and began to put a little bit of effort into encouraging Sirius to like her. She often suspected that James had had a quiet word with Sirius, too, as at times she got the feeling that his kindness was forced.
But on the evening of her wedding, his smile was sincere. ‘I’m exaggerating,’ Sirius told her as they continued to dance across the white, glossy floor, the hazel eyes of a close friend watching them in contentment. ‘I didn’t hate you, but at the time it had seemed as if you’d stolen my best friend.’
The truth, finally given, made Lily smile.
‘It took me a while to realise that not everything you did was done just to piss me off,’ he said with a laugh.
Shrugging her shoulders, she said, ‘No. But sometimes, I’ll admit, it was.’
Letting out a laugh, Sirius led the bride in the direction of her smiling husband. James stood as they arrived, and Sirius watched as the couple seemed to breathe each other in. ‘Drunk enough yet, mate?’ the best man asked.
‘Nope,’ James said, grinning.
A playful smirk appeared on Sirius’ lips. ‘Give me one minute. I’ll be back with more booze.’
As he dashed away, darting in and out of the dancing guests, the married couple sunk down onto a chair together, Lily sitting on her husband’s lap. He curled his arms around her waist, and she brought her hands together over his.
In the warmth of James’ embrace, Lily wondered if the child that now grew beneath their palms knew anything of the love they were prepared to give. If it could feel the weight of their fingertips and anticipate the life it was going to lead.
Lily smiled, leaning her head against her husband’s. ‘He should be godfather,’ she said quietly, ‘don’t you think?’
She felt him squeeze her gently. ‘Definitely,’ he said with excitement. ‘I could ask him right now.’
Together, they stood, and before James left her to find his best friend, he settled a firm, enthusiastic kiss on her lips. Watching him bound off into the crowd, Lily realised that she had never seen him so happy. He was overflowing with the anticipation of a perfect life.
She held onto his hope with slightly less faith, as if at any moment all of this could be snatched away.
Sitting herself down, Lily smoothed the skirt of her overwhelming white dress. There, alone, she faded once again into the backdrop of her own wedding, amongst the roses and lights and the energy of the evening. Here, she found, she was safest.
Waiting for the groom and his best man to return, she brushed her fingers over her stomach. ‘If anything ever happens,’ she whispered to her child, ‘he’ll protect you.’ She said the words with certainty, because despite her unease about the future, it was in one person she could invest all of her faith.
Closing her eyes, Lily envisioned a future for this child, and now, more than ever, could understand her husband’s hope. It was because of him, she realised, that she felt this way.
Because of her friend Sirius, she could finally breathe.
For: Marie (ElectronicQuillster)
Characters/Pairings: Lily/James and Sirius Black
Rating: 3rd to 5th years
Warnings (if any): None
A/N: I really hope you like this, Mar! I tried my hardest to give you something as close to your main request as possible. Merry Christmas! [Thanks, Nikki (fg_weasley), for betaing this fic. <3]
November, 1979
She was sitting alone when he noticed her, amongst bursts of red roses and piles of extravagantly wrapped presents, wearing a white dress that strangled her torso, flowed out at her hips. He could tell that the dress restricted her breathing by the sight of her flushed cheeks and heaving chest.
He also noticed that the rich setting of flowers and gifts overwhelmed her, allowed her to hide. She had been absorbed, transforming from a bride to merely part of the backdrop.
He immediately crossed the floor to join her.
Glancing up at him, she smiled. He realised then that despite the pain her tight dress was causing her, she was beaming. Her eyes were bright with enthusiasm, and her expression upon seeing him made him feel somewhat important, as if perhaps there was more than one person in the room who valued his presence.
‘Sirius,’ she said, continuing to smile. ‘Are you having a good time?’
This warmed him. Her concern for the interests of others was eternal, even on an evening that was designed to be centered on her. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘But are you?’
She grinned, exposing perfect teeth. ‘Did the fact that I can’t breathe give you the impression that I’m not?’
Sirius shrugged. ‘You’re also sitting alone.’
Immediately, she stood, her curls of red hair bouncing as she moved. Straightening the skirt of her dress, she looked at him intently. ‘Not anymore. Dance with me?’
Taking her soft hand into his, Sirius led the bride onto the busy dance floor, avoiding the many couples who spun at them vigorously, enjoying the night. ‘Don’t you have a husband to do this with?’ he asked with a smirk.
‘He’s celebrating with my dad,’ she told him as they settled in the centre of floor. Sirius’ hand met her back and hers reached his shoulder. Together they glanced over towards the other side of the room, where her father and husband were throwing down glasses of champaign.
‘You must be terribly embarrassed,’ Sirius said wryly.
She threw her head back in laughter as they moved across the floor together. ‘I’m letting them have their fun.’
The music of the orchestra slowed, and Sirius remained there with her, feeling the sound of the night spread itself through his veins. They both watched as the bride’s groom and father swung themselves into intense, drunken conversation, their mouths moving as if to the tune of the song.
As Sirius let his gaze drift around the room, he saw the many eyes that stared back at him, or at the woman who danced against him, their eyes glazed over with faint smiles on their faces. ‘Weddings turn people into idiots,’ he realised out loud.
She laughed again. ‘I just wish they’d all stop staring. I feel like I’m in a cage at the zoo.’
They danced slowly passed more of her audience, the light from the torches circling the dance floor illuminating the faintly interested expressions. ‘You’re the bride,’ he said. ‘Surely you expected this. It’s hardly a small wedding for family and friends, you know.’
It was true; the wedding had been extravagant and the guest list even more extensive. ‘I sort of let Mum and Dad take over. It was easier that way.’
Sirius looked at her closely then; her happiness was only vague on her expression, yet he could feel it pulsing from her. ‘It doesn’t bother you that you had no control? It’s an important day.’ He paused. ‘Or so I’ve heard.’
‘No,’ she said, glancing up at him, her green eyes reflecting the flames around them. ‘I’m just thankful for having somebody to marry at all, really.’
His eyes darted back over to where her husband sat. He was watching them now, having been abandoned by his father-in-law. Catching Sirius’ eye, he raised his hand, grinning. The best man waved in return. ‘Unlike me, you mean,’ he said to the bride, his eyes remaining with the man across the room.
‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘You have somebody, Sirius. You have us.’
Letting out a short laugh, he lightly pushed her away from him, extending his arm and allowing her to spin under their joined fingertips. ‘I was joking. No need to get all sentimental.’
Pulling her back, they continued to slowly sway to the orchestra. Neither spoke for a while after that, their thoughts carrying them away from each other, onto new people and places and dreams.
‘You know, Sirius,’ she said, breaking the silence between them, ‘I always used to think you hated me - back when we were in school.’
Letting his gaze wander around the room, Sirius’ lips broke into a fragile, quivering grin. ‘Well, Evans,’ he said with a laugh, ‘that would be because I did.’
*
December, 1978
‘He hates me, you know,’ Lily whispered to the young man beside her. They were seated on a small couch, their knees touching, clutching cups of tea in their hands.
She heard him chuckle quietly, nervously, as if to cover the truth. ‘No he doesn’t,’ he said. ‘Don’t be stupid.’
As she lifted her gaze to the person entering the room to join them, she convinced herself that she wasn’t being stupid at all. Sirius Black walked with heavy footsteps across the floor of James Potter’s living room, and slumped himself down onto the lounge adjacent to theirs.
As Sirius jumped into an energetic conversation with James, Lily stifled the desire to roll her eyes.
It had been two days since she had arrived at the Potters’ to celebrate the last few days of the holidays, and in that time she had not spoken a word to the family’s other guest. She had allowed herself to consider the possibility that perhaps she was the one creating the barrier between them, but the thought was only fleeting.
She had always been sensitive to the emotions of others, and knew instantly when a person did not appreciate her presence. At this point in time, that person was her boyfriend’s best friend.
As the two spoke animatedly beside her, Lily stared out through the living room window. Snow had fallen earlier, but the air was motionless as she watched. If not for the cold, she’d have gone outside and played in the thin layer of white as she’d done as a child.
Anything to escape his bitterness, and the fact that he wished she was not there at all.
*
Later that evening, when she and James were finally alone in an upstairs bedroom, she realised that Sirius ultimately got his wish. Often, she felt invisible when the two of them were together, as if Sirius’ energy and character forced her to immediately fade away when he entered a room.
They had a friendship that she’d always struggled to understand. She wondered why Sirius seemed to view James as a brother, when he already had a real one at home.
‘James,’ Lily said, staring at the many items placed chaotically on the top of his bedroom dresser. A photo of James and Sirius in their Quidditch uniforms, arms around each other’s shoulders, smiles as bright as the sun. She remembered that game. They hadn’t even won.
‘Mm?’ James mumbled from where he lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
‘Why does Sirius come here for Christmas?’ she asked. ‘Are things with his family really that bad?’
She glanced over at James, and he turned his head to look at her. ‘What do you think?’ He raised his eyebrows expectantly.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine a mother not inviting her son over for Christmas dinner. He must have done something bad.’ Her last words were said as a question, as she had always wondered the story behind Sirius’ moving out of home.
When James spoke, she sensed the anger in his tone. ‘Don’t assume that it was Sirius who did something. You really don’t know enough about it to say something like that, Lily.’
She turned to him. ‘That’s because you never tell me about it. What am I supposed to think?’
‘You’re supposed to give Sirius the benefit of the doubt,’ James snapped, sitting up on the bed. She realised his love for his best friend at that moment, and ways in which he was willing to defend him.
‘When has he ever deserved it?’ she asked, the volume of her voice rising slightly. Thinking immediately of the way Sirius behaved around people who weren’t his best friends, Lily struggled to imagine how anyone else but him could have been the problem.
It was true that Sirius had never impressed Lily at any moment. His foul sense of humour and way of manipulating those around him clashed with most aspects of her personality. The fact that he resented her interruption of his quiet family Christmas with the Potters did not improve the relationship, either.
‘Look,’ James said, crossing the room to join her by the dresser, having calmed himself from brief anger, ‘you think Sirius hates you. But have you ever tried giving him a reason not to?’
Lily sighed, staring up at the forgiving face in front of her. ‘I guess not.’
‘Well, maybe,’ he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking firmly into her eyes, ‘if it wouldn’t kill you, you could give it a try.’
*
November, 1979
It had taken many months, Lily reflected now, on her wedding day, for a friendship with Sirius to finally bloom. She had taken James’ advice, and began to put a little bit of effort into encouraging Sirius to like her. She often suspected that James had had a quiet word with Sirius, too, as at times she got the feeling that his kindness was forced.
But on the evening of her wedding, his smile was sincere. ‘I’m exaggerating,’ Sirius told her as they continued to dance across the white, glossy floor, the hazel eyes of a close friend watching them in contentment. ‘I didn’t hate you, but at the time it had seemed as if you’d stolen my best friend.’
The truth, finally given, made Lily smile.
‘It took me a while to realise that not everything you did was done just to piss me off,’ he said with a laugh.
Shrugging her shoulders, she said, ‘No. But sometimes, I’ll admit, it was.’
Letting out a laugh, Sirius led the bride in the direction of her smiling husband. James stood as they arrived, and Sirius watched as the couple seemed to breathe each other in. ‘Drunk enough yet, mate?’ the best man asked.
‘Nope,’ James said, grinning.
A playful smirk appeared on Sirius’ lips. ‘Give me one minute. I’ll be back with more booze.’
As he dashed away, darting in and out of the dancing guests, the married couple sunk down onto a chair together, Lily sitting on her husband’s lap. He curled his arms around her waist, and she brought her hands together over his.
In the warmth of James’ embrace, Lily wondered if the child that now grew beneath their palms knew anything of the love they were prepared to give. If it could feel the weight of their fingertips and anticipate the life it was going to lead.
Lily smiled, leaning her head against her husband’s. ‘He should be godfather,’ she said quietly, ‘don’t you think?’
She felt him squeeze her gently. ‘Definitely,’ he said with excitement. ‘I could ask him right now.’
Together, they stood, and before James left her to find his best friend, he settled a firm, enthusiastic kiss on her lips. Watching him bound off into the crowd, Lily realised that she had never seen him so happy. He was overflowing with the anticipation of a perfect life.
She held onto his hope with slightly less faith, as if at any moment all of this could be snatched away.
Sitting herself down, Lily smoothed the skirt of her overwhelming white dress. There, alone, she faded once again into the backdrop of her own wedding, amongst the roses and lights and the energy of the evening. Here, she found, she was safest.
Waiting for the groom and his best man to return, she brushed her fingers over her stomach. ‘If anything ever happens,’ she whispered to her child, ‘he’ll protect you.’ She said the words with certainty, because despite her unease about the future, it was in one person she could invest all of her faith.
Closing her eyes, Lily envisioned a future for this child, and now, more than ever, could understand her husband’s hope. It was because of him, she realised, that she felt this way.
Because of her friend Sirius, she could finally breathe.