A Truth Self-Evident
When last I updated on my family angst, my mom had implicitly agreed to let me find a wife on my own and my grandmother had determined that God would punish me. Since then, I reluctantly agreed to still look into potential future wives sent on by my parents, even though the whole reason we had that conversation was because I didn't want to do that anymore. And it turns out I still felt that way because as soon as I saw one in my inbox, I had a rage blackout and panic attack at the same time, so I avoided phone calls for a week because I was too busy to have an emotionally charged conversation.
Last night, I sent an e-mail to my mom, copying my aunt, who had also been hounding me with phone calls and e-mails about this latest potential future wife.Subject: Failure is just success rounded down
I haven't been answering the phone because I've been busy with auditions and rehearsals and work and developing the homework for my cancer pharmacology workshop and hosting a game night and going out with friends. But mostly I haven't answered because I know what you want to talk about, and I don't want to talk about it. Ever again.
I am not going to contact [the latest potential future wife]. I thought I could handle more "suggestions" while I looked on my own, but I was wrong. As soon as I saw the e-mail, before I'd even seen a picture or read about her, I just got angry. I cannot deal with this anymore. I cannot deal with being called by extended family right after an audition as I am trying to talk with my friends and banging on my head with my fist as I try to be polite about the whole thing. I cannot deal with the entire family breathing down my neck about every little step of the process. I cannot deal with the constant accusations that I have some secret girlfriend. I have been going through this for over ten years. This is not what I want my life to be.
I absolve you of all responsibility in finding me a wife. I am a failure and a disappointment, and you should just accept that and move on. I have a graduate degree, I have a successful career and pull a good salary, I am respected by my co-workers, I have ample savings, I own a car, I have great credit, I am cast in theatre productions, I teach workshops and sit on panels at conferences, I have lots of friends, I am mentioned in the Acknowledgments section of two books, and I make really good vegetarian chili, but none of that matters because I am unmarried. I am tired of Changing My Marital Status being the only thing worth talking about. So we are not going to talk about it anymore. Whatever happens, happens. But it's going to happen on my time and my terms, not yours.
And here is my mom's response. I apologize for the ASSCAPS. That is how she types. I've also translated the Gujarati because apparently her anger crosses languages.Subject: respond to your very nice letter
HI SUNIL THANKS FOR THAT NICE LETTER. SO WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR THE SENDING THE SAME LETTER TO [YOUR AUNT]??? [NOW YOU ARE SO BIG THAT] NOW YOU ARE ARE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. [WE HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOU] AND THIS THE THANKS WE GET. (THAT IS WHY YOU have a degree AND CAR.) YOU HAVE NO APPRECIATION AND RESPECTS FOR US OR ANY ONE OLDER. AND YES YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET YOU ARE 28 YRS. OLD . AND BECAUSE OF THAT IT HURTS US VERY VERY MUCH. I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T CARE HOW WE FEEL... AT THIS AGE YOUR DAD HAD YOU AND [YOUR BROTHER] AND WAS DOING HIS RESIDENCY. AND HAD HIS OWN CAR ALSO. AND RESPECT OF HIS FRIENDS AND COLLEGES ALSO. AND YES BEING MARRIED AND HAVING FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN OUR LIFE. YES [YOUR COUSIN] WAS MARRIED AT 25 HAS HIS OWN HOUSE AND WIFE AND DAUGHTER AND DEGREE AND HAS TWO CARS AND HE TAKES CARE OF HIS PARENTS ALSO. SO DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULL ABOUT ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID. IN OUR SOCIETY BEING MARRIED IS VERY IMPORTANT AND HA YES NOT JUST OUR CULTURE BUT IN ANY SOCIETY BEING MARRIED IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT TOO. YOUR DAD IS ALSO VERY UPSET WITH YOU.
And then two minutes later she sent me a thing about $1 smoothies at Jamba Juice.
So at least I was correct in my assessment that I am a failure and a disappointment, and my marital status is all that matters. I don't know what to do anymore.
Last night, I sent an e-mail to my mom, copying my aunt, who had also been hounding me with phone calls and e-mails about this latest potential future wife.Subject: Failure is just success rounded down
I haven't been answering the phone because I've been busy with auditions and rehearsals and work and developing the homework for my cancer pharmacology workshop and hosting a game night and going out with friends. But mostly I haven't answered because I know what you want to talk about, and I don't want to talk about it. Ever again.
I am not going to contact [the latest potential future wife]. I thought I could handle more "suggestions" while I looked on my own, but I was wrong. As soon as I saw the e-mail, before I'd even seen a picture or read about her, I just got angry. I cannot deal with this anymore. I cannot deal with being called by extended family right after an audition as I am trying to talk with my friends and banging on my head with my fist as I try to be polite about the whole thing. I cannot deal with the entire family breathing down my neck about every little step of the process. I cannot deal with the constant accusations that I have some secret girlfriend. I have been going through this for over ten years. This is not what I want my life to be.
I absolve you of all responsibility in finding me a wife. I am a failure and a disappointment, and you should just accept that and move on. I have a graduate degree, I have a successful career and pull a good salary, I am respected by my co-workers, I have ample savings, I own a car, I have great credit, I am cast in theatre productions, I teach workshops and sit on panels at conferences, I have lots of friends, I am mentioned in the Acknowledgments section of two books, and I make really good vegetarian chili, but none of that matters because I am unmarried. I am tired of Changing My Marital Status being the only thing worth talking about. So we are not going to talk about it anymore. Whatever happens, happens. But it's going to happen on my time and my terms, not yours.
And here is my mom's response. I apologize for the ASSCAPS. That is how she types. I've also translated the Gujarati because apparently her anger crosses languages.Subject: respond to your very nice letter
HI SUNIL THANKS FOR THAT NICE LETTER. SO WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR THE SENDING THE SAME LETTER TO [YOUR AUNT]??? [NOW YOU ARE SO BIG THAT] NOW YOU ARE ARE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. [WE HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOU] AND THIS THE THANKS WE GET. (THAT IS WHY YOU have a degree AND CAR.) YOU HAVE NO APPRECIATION AND RESPECTS FOR US OR ANY ONE OLDER. AND YES YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET YOU ARE 28 YRS. OLD . AND BECAUSE OF THAT IT HURTS US VERY VERY MUCH. I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T CARE HOW WE FEEL... AT THIS AGE YOUR DAD HAD YOU AND [YOUR BROTHER] AND WAS DOING HIS RESIDENCY. AND HAD HIS OWN CAR ALSO. AND RESPECT OF HIS FRIENDS AND COLLEGES ALSO. AND YES BEING MARRIED AND HAVING FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT IN OUR LIFE. YES [YOUR COUSIN] WAS MARRIED AT 25 HAS HIS OWN HOUSE AND WIFE AND DAUGHTER AND DEGREE AND HAS TWO CARS AND HE TAKES CARE OF HIS PARENTS ALSO. SO DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULL ABOUT ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID. IN OUR SOCIETY BEING MARRIED IS VERY IMPORTANT AND HA YES NOT JUST OUR CULTURE BUT IN ANY SOCIETY BEING MARRIED IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT TOO. YOUR DAD IS ALSO VERY UPSET WITH YOU.
And then two minutes later she sent me a thing about $1 smoothies at Jamba Juice.
So at least I was correct in my assessment that I am a failure and a disappointment, and my marital status is all that matters. I don't know what to do anymore.