You're a Zero! What's Your Name? No One's Gonna Ask You

Mar 24, 2009 22:38

It's a hodgepodge kind of day.

Caprica is in the shop. My brand-new fucking car has a leaky power steering rack that needs to be replaced. And something about a faulty O-ring, which makes me glad my car hasn't exploded. What the fuck, Mazda. At least they gave me a rental car. I'm zipping around in a Jetta ( Read more... )

fandom wank, being indian, ethicalmedical.net, i am so awesome, desi arranged marriage notification, pimpings, grad school, family, personal, medical writing, ryan hansen, rice, girls, kibbles and angst

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Comments 51

FOR ALL WHO READ THE COMMENTS... miniglik March 25 2009, 05:51:42 UTC
GO. ON. DATES. With ANYONE you're slightly interested in and might be interested back. Have fun. MEET PEOPLE. Build confidence. Explore options, and allow yourself a little bit of freedom. Most dates don't end in marriage, so it's not a promise, goofball.

Anyone reading The Cow's comments here who agrees with me, say "aye!"

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Re: FOR ALL WHO READ THE COMMENTS... spectralbovine March 25 2009, 05:59:10 UTC
Most dates don't end in marriage, so it's not a promise, goofball.
Most people don't have a deadline for marriage! It seems unfair to string women along if I won't be able to commit. I am only good for one-night stands at this point. Which is all I've ever been good for, really.

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Re: FOR ALL WHO READ THE COMMENTS... ryca March 25 2009, 06:10:40 UTC
Um, speaking as a woman - most of us don't see a date as any kind of a promise re: commitment. And "I'm actually sort of supposed to be marrying someone I haven't met yet by December" is one of the more unusual ice-breakers out there, and might open some doors for you that would otherwise be closed.
I get that it's stressful; it's stressful no matter what, and I think that the scary part is the thought of meeting someone that *you* might really like, and then being unable to pursue it. But even that might be worth it. And A DATE is just that - a date. Think of the word "date" - as in, a date on a calendar. One. One day. Not a lifetime. And you wouldn't believe how many women would find it refreshing to meet a guy who could say "I will be completely unavailable to you in no more than 8 months, so I promise NOTHING". Honesty? Living in the moment? That shit's hot, yo.

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Re: FOR ALL WHO READ THE COMMENTS... spectralbovine March 25 2009, 06:15:33 UTC
I think that the scary part is the thought of meeting someone that *you* might really like, and then being unable to pursue it.
Yes.

This whole thing is very confusing.

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gymble March 25 2009, 06:13:12 UTC
Courtesy of miniglik, quite possibly the worst piece of writing I have read in my entire life.
Ahem. She got that from me. Also: this, which gives the other piece of writing a fight for the title of worst writing ever if not surpassing it entirely. Warning: no pictures, but Not At All Safe For Work.

Except I don't know how to make it.At the risk of getting preachy ... alright, let's just accept that there's no way to say this without being bossy and add the caveat that you're free to ignore me and/or tell me where to stuff it. You do know how to make your own fate; you don't want to deal the potential fallout. Let's start with the obvious - you don't want an arranged marriage. You've been clinging to the hope that you'll find someone on your own who also fits your parents' criteria, but this event has and always has had a vanishingly small possibility of occurring when you live in the States where there is not a ready pool of acceptable women. So now that you're coming to decision time, here are your choices: a) You tell your parents you ( ... )

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spectralbovine March 25 2009, 06:20:54 UTC
Ahem. She got that from me.
I know she did. But you didn't tell ME about it, so NYAH.

You do know how to make your own fate; you don't want to deal the potential fallout.
I do also need my spine replaced.

Two of my cousins had arranged marriages; both ended in divorce.
Yeah, all the stories I get are about the ones who marry girls they find and get a divorce within a year (in the latest one, the girl was cheating on him) and then have an arranged marriage.

Alrighty, stepping back out of your business. Just remember that you have a lot of friends who care about you, okay?
Thanks, I appreciate it.

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gymble March 25 2009, 06:32:19 UTC
But you didn't tell ME about it, so NYAH.
Pfft.

Yeah, all the stories I get are about the ones who marry girls they find and get a divorce within a year (in the latest one, the girl was cheating on him) and then have an arranged marriage.
Let's face it - there aren't any guarantees in either case no matter how many death do you parts you say. I think that a lot of it is affected by the attitude with which you enter a marriage. The more honest you are about what you want and what she wants, the higher the likelihood of the marriage has of succeeding. Which may be easier said than done. In your case, I feel as if I'm seeing a lot of the same justifications that my cousins went through.

Mainly, don't do anything you don't want to do. It sounds as if you're coming up on the statute of limitations regarding stalling, so you'll have to take more direct action.

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ebongreen March 25 2009, 13:59:26 UTC
I don't know you very well, but a few thoughts come to mind.

First, you don't strike me as being particularly Indian-traditional in most of your life & habits. Geek-traditional, nerd-traditional, maybe - but not Indian-traditional. Welcome to the great and long-standing tradition of lonely geekboys; as I approach forty and remain unmarried/un-girlfriended, it's a state I know well.

Second, I don't really know what sort of woman you like, but if I were going to guess it wouldn't be a traditional Indian girl - as opposed to TV-watching pop-culture-literate geeky girls, regardless of ethnic heritage. In my experience in dating and mating, such as it is, I find that I like women who have similar attitudes, experiences, and habits. YMMV, but IMO you really ought to "get mileage" in this area before committing to any woman.

I agree with gymble; you need to discover what sort of woman you want to spend your life with, and the best way I know to do that is through meeting and dating women, marriage deadlines be damned. I can only imagine what it ( ... )

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punzerel March 25 2009, 11:51:22 UTC
Aw, Sunil. *huuuug* I don't really know what to say, but if you ever need someone to vent to/commiserate with about family and tradition and not knowing even where you want to stand on it all - I'm always around.

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spectralbovine March 25 2009, 13:57:09 UTC
*hug* Thanks, Punzie.

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punzerel March 25 2009, 13:59:54 UTC
:) Also, I forgot to say before, SUPERCONGRATULATIONS to your beautiful sister for getting into Rice. Is that where she wants to go? You must be so proud. I always feel so impressed with and protective of my little sisters.

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spectralbovine March 25 2009, 14:09:13 UTC
I think she wants to go there! I mean, it's the best school in Texas.

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jeeperstseepers March 25 2009, 11:52:46 UTC
I think that if you were dating an Indian girl come December time, your parents wouldn't make you marry her immediately or drop her and marry someone they choose immediately.

Which is why I think you ought to be dating. I mean, you want to find a girl to love and love you, don't you? So get out there on Indian dating websites (they have those, don't they?), or network, or do whatever. Start dating.

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soundingsea March 25 2009, 12:19:35 UTC
This deadline came and went once before. I know (I KNOW) how hard it is to say no to family, but they have to give you time! Do you really want to pick some girl off a vetted-by-Mom list and just hope that you'll be happy with her for the rest of your life? At least negotiate that you have to be able to completely want to marry a girl, and ask them to accept that it might not happen on an artificial deadline.

There's a huge spectrum between casual dating and marrying someone you've emailed a few times. They've got to meet you somewhere in between.

If the big rush is grandchildren, you can point out that, as a male, your biological clock has way more time on it, and getting more established in your career (and being on more PANELS) could make you more appealing to Parents of Girls.

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