WonderCon 2008, Day 1: Of Testicles, Penises, and Nipples
Although I had been to WonderCon before, this is the first year I'm really going, taking advantage of all three days of programming and exhibiting. And I'm totally not sorry!
I got to Moscone Center around 12:30 or so after eating some rather lackluster orange chicken. To my surprise, there was a pretty big line to pick up your badge. Dammit, this was why it was cool to pick up your badge on Thursday! I waited in line for a bit, seeing the obligatory Stormtrooper as well as a couple people promoting Hitman and some women promoting 10,000 B.C..
Once I got my badge, I headed to the Bill Willingham panel, which was in a small room. Bill Willingham was already there, sitting alone at the panelist table and chatting with someone. The room was not packed; this was going to be one of those intimate sessions, which was pretty neat. When one o'clock rolled around, Bill Willingham began by telling us that you could tell this was the "Spotlight on Bill Willingham" panel because of the distinct lack of spotlight. He was scheduled to be at four panels over the course of the conference, so he didn't know how much Fables talk he had in him. (He presumed we were all there for Fables; we clapped and cheered.) So he just started taking questions. And I don't remember all of them.
The first one, however, was one of those totally geeky questions about whether Fables age or not. Bill went into a lengthy explanation that basically amounted to the fact that some Fables like Pinocchio specifically did not age because he was supposed to be a "real boy" forever (he quoted the bit from the comic where Pinocchio complains that he "wants his balls to drop"...and then he noticed the ten-year-old in the front row and added, "Your dad will explain that when you're older"...followed by a censoring of Pinocchio's next line: "And he wants to...date women!") and Little Boy Blue grew up to be a young man, but he was still young. If the character's youth is key to the story, then they stay that age. They had some rules, but he would find a way to break the rules in the name of chasing a good story. And he had totally done that already. He cited an example, but it's kind of spoilery, and I expect you guys to go read Fables because it's awesome.
Someone started to ask whether he considered himself a visual artist or a writer first, assuming he thought of himself to be a writer, but Bill interrupted him to answer that, actually, no, he was a visual artist first. Ever since he was a kid, he'd wanted to draw comics. He told the interesting story of how he got into comics, drawing for various companies. The best part was that he made up this superhero team called the Elementals (based on the four elements) simply as proof that he could draw, and then when he got hired, he asked what he'd be drawing.
The quizzical response: "The...comic you pitched, Bill." At which point he realized that he'd actually pitched Elementals by accident. He proceeded to lie his ass off, saying he had all kinds of story ideas and he knew how to do this and that and that and this...which he learned by breaking into the art director's office after hours and rifling through his stuff. He was a very entertaining storyteller.
There was another good story about a project he had done with old DC characters called Shadowpact or somesuch. At first, he was going to write it for Vertigo, but they told him they didn't want them to form a superhero team, and they didn't want them to sit around in a clubhouse. And he tried to come up with a story for these disparate characters, but all he could think of was for them to form a superhero team or for them to sit around in a clubhouse. Then, however, the project moved to DC proper. And DC would love for them to form a superhero team or sit around in a clubhouse! Oh, comics.
Someone asked him where he did his research on the fairytales and folklore? Wikipedia? Yes, in fact, he did use Wikipedia, although he was hesitant to use it at first. He also pimped a site called SurLaLune, which had, like, all fifty different versions of "Little Red Riding Hood" and such.
The guy next to me had some notes written down for his question to make sure he got it right. He wanted to know whether they were going to continue expanding the Fables universe to include more new characters as they fall into public domain (Peter Pan, for instance), and, secondly, whether they were going to expand titlewise: even his mom loves Jack of the Fables, so he wants more spin-offs! Bill gave a definite no to the second; two books a month was work enough. But a definite yes to the first. Regarding the second, however, he added that they would at least do one special book (like 1001 Nights of Snowfall) a year, and he was in fact working on said special book right now. Except DC really didn't want him to talk about it. So he couldn't really say what it was about. But there had been a recent issue where he had answered Burning Questions, and some of them he could not answer because they were going to be answered in this book. One of those questions was "Why are the Fables called Fables?" And he had the story for that with him (and, amusingly, he kept motioning to it as if it were there, except he was always motioning to the wrong side), but, like he said, DC really didn't want him to say anything about it. HOWEVER. He did say at the beginning that if anyone asked a direct question, he would answer it. So if someone asked him, "Why are the Fables called Fables?" he would have to answer.
There was a slight pause, and then a dozen hands shot up.
"Why are the Fables called Fables?" the guy asked. Bill said that, wait, he had already asked a question! He should have picked the guy behind him! The guy behind him said that the guy in front of him had pretty much covered it.
So Bill Willingham dug into his bag and pulled out his e-book reader (not the Kindle, as they were sold out of that, but the one that Borders was selling). He then read us a bit from the story, and it did answer the question (and, amusingly enough, it was sort of the answer I began to suspect as he was reading), but I will not pass on that information, as he told us not to. Besides, he told us that if DC fires him from comics, he's going to blame us.
After that was over, I raised my hand. "Yellow shirt!" he called. I asked him what was up with all the reimaginings. I had noticed that in the last decade or so, there seemed to have been a surge of this sort of thing, with Fables and Wicked and American McGee's Alice and Tin Man and The Looking Glass Wars. It seemed to be a very modern thing; I couldn't think of any other point where there had been such a surge. What did he think started this trend, and are they all influencing each other now?
He couldn't presume to guess the origin of the trend, but he quoted something Neil Gaiman had once said: "In the time of steam engines, people built steam engines." Which basically means that there is a time for everything, and this was the time for this. For him, personally, it was the "Fractured Fairy Tales" on Rocky and Bullwinkle. He couldn't believe that you were allowed to do that! He asked his mom why they could do that, and she explained about public domain and all that. So when he grew up, he realized that there were questions he'd always asked about some of these stories. No one could answer them. But he could answer them. This was a way to truly own these characters; they belong to everyone, after all.
As for the rest of everyone, he cited new technology as a factor. As computer animation advanced, it became cheaper and easier to bring a lot of these fantastical stories to life. Thus was borne a movie like The 10th Kingdom. He was also gracious enough to point out a woman's comic named Castle [Something-or-Other] that predated his by a couple years. So, he didn't know. But anyone who did it after him was totally ripping him off!
A man with a booming voice asked him if Fables were religious and whether he was going to add religious figures. The short answer: not so much, as it was a well-trod territory.
An old man asked him about his previous comment that he didn't draw much anymore because his drawing had become so slow. He pressed and pressed until Bill gave the humble answer that, well, he wasn't actually that good of an artist. There were much better artists in the business; why not let them illustrate his stories, especially because he could afford to be even more particular about what he wanted since he knew they could do it. But before that, though, he jokingly agreed with someone, "Yes, I have so many stories in my head that are just waiting to get out, I can't even focus on drawing! I'm doing it for you!"
The last question was also about a previous comment regarding what he'd done for TSR, the company that made the Dungeons and Dragons manuals. He had designed a few characters, including, most notably, the shadow henchman that made it into the Dungeons and Dragons animated series.
As a closer, he asked whether anyone in the audience didn't read Fables. A handful of people among the several dozen of us raised their hands. He said that they should go and buy a couple issues, and if they didn't find it to be their thing...[this woman in the audience he obviously knew and had joked about earlier in the panel] will come to your house and do your dishes for a week!
All in all, it was a really entertaining panel! I was very pleased with Bill Willingham.
Next, the exhibit hall! Where Bill was going himself. I found the DC booth, and...shit, I had completely forgotten to bring something for him to sign! I didn't realize it would be so easy!
Luckily, Comic Relief had a booth set up, and they did have copies of Legends in Exile, the first trade (perfectly appropriate!), which I needed to buy anyway. While I was there, I talked to a man who had read about WonderCon in the paper and had come to check it out. He didn't really know much about comics, so I pimped the hell out of Y: The Last Man, Ex Machina, and Fables, which were conveniently all in the same place (Vaughan and Willingham FTW!). I explained the premises of them and showed him some of the art and what the characters looked like. Y, I noted, was going to be made into a movie. Also, it was totally awesome, and he needed to start from the beginning. And so he bought the first trade! Unfortunately, I didn't get a commission.
I went back to stand in the line, which was very short. I got a bonus, because Steve Leiahola, the inker, was also there to sign! I waited for the guy in front of me to finish talking; he was asking about a possible Fables TV show or movie. Bill Willingham said there had been a pilot script floating around, but it was never shot. And there had actually been talk of a movie done by the Henson Studio. He had even suggested Jennifer Connelly for Snow White (and, yeah, I could see him basing her on her), and she had been interested (presumably because of her work in Labyrinth). This was around the time of A Beautiful Mind, so they had thought about casting Russell Crowe as Bigby Wolf, but Bill didn't think they ever really approached him. For his money, he thought Aaron Eckhart would do a good job, and, yeah, definitely.
When it was my turn, I got to be all geeky and awkward by telling him that when I had first gotten into comics, Powers was my gateway comic, and the second comic I fell in love with was Fables. "Where's the next issue? Where's the next issue?" I always said. I said I hadn't read in a while, so I had borrowed a friend's trades to catch up because I needed to start from the beginning to refresh my memory.
"Yes!" he agreed. "You need to start from the beginning! That's your homework!" He was glad I loved the comic, and he hoped I would keep reading. I shook his hand.
Minutes later, I called Seanan (cadhla).
"I just met Bill Willingham!" I said.
"You're at WonderCon!" she said. As it turned out, so was she. I made my way over to her, gave her a hug, and stared at her bizarre outfit.
She took me over to Jason Palmer's booth to show me some beautiful portraits he'd done of Kristen Bell and Jason Dohring. He'd even gotten them signed.
Then she took me to see Madagascar hissing cockroaches. "They're so cute!" she said. I...disagreed. The guy at the booth wanted me to wear the hat with the roaches on top, but I had no desire. Seanan continued to try to convince me that they were cute. A woman joined in the conversation for three seconds and then said:
"Seanan?"
Seanan, a second later: "TARA!!"
As they jubilantly embraced, I said, "Like I said, who don't you know?" They used to LARP together. It had been a long time since they'd seen each other, but I didn't know how long. They caught up, and it was cute.
I walked with Seanan so she could pick up her mini-painting, Godzilla vs. Mothra. In which Godzilla is terrified by this little moth thing.
Then we saw Lou Ferrigno. No, really, LOU FERRIGNO! The Incredible Freakin' Hulk, right there, in the flesh! It was sort of sad to just see him sitting there, collecting his convention fee, waiting for people to find him truly relevant and give him money. Down the aisle, we also passed C. Andrew Nelson (Darth Vader) and Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca), neither of whom you would ever recognize because all they did was wear a suit. In another aisle, Seanan pointed out Charlotte Stewart, who had been in Tremors!
"I love Tremors!" I said. Charlotte was a pretty cool woman; she'd been in Tremors, Eraserhead, Twin Peaks...and Little House on the Prairie. Hell, she'd been working on Little House and Eraserhead at the same time, the former during the day and the latter at night. (Also, holy shit, IMDb says she was on The Office too! As "Woman.")
Seanan left me to put on some pants, and I wandered the floor.
Ooh, Kabuki! This must be the David Mack table! I had been wanting to meet David Mack, but the only people I saw at the table were a woman and a youngish man whose name tag I couldn't read but simply had an "Exhibitor" ribbon on it.
I picked up an issue of Kabuki and flipped through it and said that I hadn't read it, but I loved the Daredevil volume, what was it called...Parts of a Hole? (Author's note: I was actually thinking of Wake Up.)
"Oh, yeah, that was the first work I did for Marvel," said the youngish man.
"So you are David Mack!" I said. Another guy pointed out to him that his nametag was hidden. Dude, I couldn't believe he was so young. Dirty talented bastard.
I got to geek out again as I told him his art was gorgeous ("Thank you"), and I loved the way he integrated the words into the art, like in Echo: Vision Quest. I didn't have my trades with me to sign, but he would be there all day tomorrow and Sunday, so I would get him in the morning before the panels. Before I left, he signed an issue of Kabuki for me and handed it to me to check out. After some waffling, I did go back and tell him I'd rather pick up a #1 rather than the #7 he'd given me so that I'd understand it. He signed that issue for me, and I left the #7 there for some lucky soul.
I searched for some anime stuff, and I almost freaked out when I saw a plush Ahiru duck...but it turned out to be a chocobo or something, unfortunately.
Then. Then. Then.
I stumbled upon a booth that had HALF-PRICE TRADES.
And for the next hour, I pored through stacks and stacks. There was so much I wanted to buy, but I eventually had to restrict myself to trades I needed in order to read them to catch up (Powers and 100 Bullets, two titles Seanan didn't read) and the volumes of Sandman I kept stumbling upon. They were not my preferred edition, but that edition was out of print, so this was the best I was going to be able to do. I managed to find six out of ten volumes, which wasn't bad. I maddeningly found a bazillion copies of Little Deaths, the one Powers trade I already owned, but I also found four others, one of which I hadn't actually gotten to yet. I found several 100 Bullets trades as well, but, and this is a note from the future, I fucking passed over three trades I THOUGHT I HAD BUT I ACTUALLY DO NOT. And I picked one up that I do have. Motherfucker. I knew I should have called someone to check my Amazon Wish List. Meanwhile, I helped another guy find Fables trades, as he was keeping an eye out for Sandman trades for me.
Finally, after tossing out a couple Daredevil trades to lighten the load a little, I took my stack to check out. There was no cash register or calculator; the man looked at the list prices and added them up in his head. I asked him if I got a bulk discount. He said it came out to about $120 (which was a little below what it actually was, but I think he wanted to work in twenties).
And I didn't have $120 in cash on me. He asked me if I had $100 ("See how I brought that down?"). I told him I had $80. He said he couldn't just keep bringing it down! I asked him if he could hold them for me, and he said he could hold them for the first two hours tomorrow.
Then I was informed that this was actually one of three booths...and some of the other trades I was looking for could have been in those other ones. But oh my God, I don't have the time! Or the money! Okay, technically, I do have the money, but...still! I never knew about this shit! I think I may just wait to buy all my trades from cons, man.
A final note: I was really glad I never saw Legends in Exile in the stack, after just having paid full price for it. I wouldn't have minded horribly, since the timing was good to get it signed by Bill Willingham (and he made one of the Three Little Pigs say, "To Sunil"! Hee!).
I was already late to get into line for Hall A; I made it there a few minutes before they started letting people in. As the line moved, someone tapped me and said, "Sunil!" It was Anita (rowanceleste)! "I told you I'd be here!" she said. I asked her to save me a seat.
She saved me a good seat, right by the middle aisle where the microphone was, a dozen rows from the front. We waited and waited for the Forgetting Sarah Marshall panel to start, chatting with the people behind us.
Finally, they brought out Nick Stoller, director of the movie, to tell us that they had the entire movie of Iron Man with them and were going to screen it for us right now. Then he introduced the panelists.
I have completely forgotten the fake introduction for...JASON SEGEL!
From Veronica Mars...KRISTEN BELL! She'll tell you how Heroes ends!
From That '70s Show, Family Guy, and countless FHM and Maxim spreads...MILA KUNIS!
Although he's not well-known in America, he's quite famous in England...RUSSELL BRAND!
From 30 Rock...JACK MCBRAYER!
And producer...SHAUNA ROBERTSON!
Now, the FSM panel was goddamn hilarious, and I cannot even begin to explain to you how funny it was. When this thing hits YouTube, fucking watch it.
Nick went down the line, asking each of them a question, most of which focused on Jason Segel's penis because of his nude scenes. He asked them all how it was to do their sex scenes. Russell Brand, oh my God. He's a household name in England, and if he keeps doing appearances to promote this movie, he's going to be a household name over here too. Because for fuck's sake, this shit is what he basically does for a living. He's REALLY GOOD AT IT.
He went on and on, very seriously about his sex scenes with...Jason. Jason was also really funny and played along. By the end, Russell declared that he was pregnant with his lovechild.
Nick asked Russell what it was like to be in Hawaii, where he wasn't famous. He said he didn't like being in places where he wasn't famous because it made it much harder to have sex. You had to do more than say your name. You had to talk, and then you had to do this thing called "dating."
They showed an extended trailer for the movie that had footage we hadn't seen before, and, oh my God. See, I wasn't too enthused by the first trailer. The movie seemed okay, but not that funny. The red-band trailer, however, was really funny (like Knocked Up, it seems like a lot of the funniest stuff is stuff you can't show on TV). Then, this new footage makes the movie look even funnier. It just gets better and better the more I see of it, and now I'm really looking forward to it.
Q&A! The first question was for everyone: what was their greatest acting challenge?
Jason, I think, went back to the nude scenes and whatnot. I don't remember what Kristen's answer was. Mila agreed with whatever Kristen had said but also added that she had really wanted to do the jump from the cliff that you see in the trailer. Jason jumped in with an anecdote that seemed to involve her attempting it and ending up with blood running all down her face without her noticing.
The best answer, as was the norm, came from Russell Brand, who said that he had to ride a horse. And they said riding a horse was just like driving a car, but he didn't know how to drive a car! And a car didn't go off the road on its own to fill up some petrol, and it didn't park itself in the garage, and...it was just all so hilarious how he was able to keep up the metaphor so effortlessly.
The second question was from a dorky little guy: "This question is for Mila. I'm a big fan, and I wanted to ask...can I have a picture with you?" And she was all, "...Okay?" And there was all this awkward business where she was going to come down, and then he got up on the stage, and someone took a picture with his camera, and she gave him a hug, and it was sort of adorable, but oh my God, how did that dude get past the vetting process?
Some strangely excited teenager who had kept standing up and clapping at seemingly everything asked, "Isn't San Francisco WonderCon better than San Diego WonderCon?" There were groans and cries of "COMIC-CON!" I have no idea what this kid was thinking. Also: VETTING PROCESS? Russell Brand, of course, saved the day by musing that WonderCon was about uniting people, and everyone cheered.
Someone asked if anyone had told Jack McBrayer that he looked like a young Tom Cruise. He said that Tom Cruise had filed some sort of injunction against him. And Katie was pregnant again!
One guy pointed out that most of them had been in TV shows that had ended before their time (Guy: "30 Rock is still doing well, so that's good." Jack: "Do you know something I don't?"). Would we ever see any of these shows again, especially Veronica Mars? Kristen said that everyone who worked on the show still remained friends, so that was good, but if they were going to do something (like the movie that had been talked about), they should probably do it before they got old. Geriatric was right around the corner! I got the impression that while she had loved the show when she was working on it, she had kind of moved on. (Well, too bad, Kristen: fans never move on! You're going to be asked about Veronica Mars for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.)
There was also something about how Shauna was really afraid of Jason's nipples, so one time he wore a shirt that had holes cut in it so that just his nipples poked out.
I...don't remember everything else in excruciating detail, but it was all pretty hilarious and awesome. What a great, entertaining group of actors.
I had been all waffley at first and hadn't gotten in line to ask a question, and I ended up getting in line too late to ask one. Which irked me not only because I had wanted to ask Kristen about Fanboys and see if she remembered me but also because I had really wanted to tell Russell Brand that he did have fans in America, that I had friends who loved him a lot and showed me clips of him on YouTube. It's got to suck to be the one cast member who doesn't get asked a question.
Next up was the Wanted panel. They showed the director's introduction and then had technical difficulties with the clip. Then they showed the director's introduction and got the clip to work and, holy God, it looks ridiculously awesome and awesomely ridiculous at the same time.
Out came...JAMES MCAVOY! (Isn't he dreamy?)
I got in line early this time. I forget what some of the first questions were. I think one of them began, "Hi, James! I love you!" He was very Scottish and adorable in response. Oh, I think the first question was about whether working with Angelina Jolie was as intense as it would seem. I think he said yes.
When I got up to the microphone: "I recently saw State of Play, which was fantastic"-"Thank you"-"so first, I was wondering what you thought of the remake and whoever's playing your character, and also, what are the differences between making a small British miniseries and making a big-budget American movie?"
James McAvoy asked me to repeat the question, as I talked fast and he couldn't see my mouth move and there was an echo. JAMES MCAVOY TOLD ME I TALK FAST OMG. BE JEALOUS, YOU GUYS.
I tried again, more slowly: "I wanted to know what you thought of the State of Play remake and whoever's playing your character"-"Whoever's playing me, okay. And the second part was?"-"and what are the differences between making a small British series and a big-budget American movie where everything is exploding? Because nothing explodes in State of Play; I was very surprised."-"Really? Heh."
As for who was going to play him in the remake...he wasn't going to be in the remake. Kevin MacDonald, director of both The Last King of Scotland and the remake, had asked him if he wanted to be in the movie and showed him the first draft of the script, and James had said, "By the time this is done, I'm not going to be in it, am I?" At first, Kevin thought, what, they were going to kill his character off? No, his character was just going to be cut out completely, he knew. It's a movie. Things have to go.
For the second part, he mused that Wanted was probably his first big-budget American movie, even though he'd been doing movies for a while now. And he said that the main difference was money...and the fact that it was never enough. Whether you had $75,000 or $80 million, you always needed more. There was also the fact that this movie so much more physical, literally. Like, in one day, it would be, "Oh, I have to climb that thing...but then later, I have to be crying! Which do I save my energy for??"
Someone pointed out that he'd worked with a lot of great actors and asked whether he learned from them and was going to keep learning. And, yes, he was going to keep learning; that was the beauty of his job. He was always learning, even if it wasn't about his craft. He got to go places he'd never get to go. Even in London, he could go to the sewers or the roofs of the House of Parliament-he had never been to those places before, he added, but he was sure he could go in the future!
Someone asked what his favorite kind of movie to do was, and he said that he had the most fun doing comedy. For instance, he'd done this film called Starter for 10-a handful of cheers. "And it was seen by those five people who cheered. And me." But he had really enjoyed it. Except the best moviemaking experience he'd had was Atonement, and that's one of the saddest movies you'll ever see. So who knows!
He also talked about what it was like to be in an action movie. When he was offered it, he didn't think he was a good fit for an action hero because they were something, something, and good-looking.
A girl behind me yelled, "You are good-looking!"
He smiled and thanked her. He continued by saying that he liked that they made the character of Wesley kind of a loser, because he could play that. Anyway, he started getting more into what action heroes do, and that is...jumping. He said that Michael J. Fox jumped over more things in Back to the Future than Mel Gibson did in all four Lethal Weapon movies. And, in this movie, he got to jump over a bridge! Michael J. Fox was always jumping over the hood of his car...but he jumped over a bridge. (He was really excited about this jumping thing. It was cute. I can see why people like him.)
Finally, we had the Journey to the Center of the Earth panel, and I will just summarize 90% of the panel right here: THE MOVIE IS IN 3-D.
The other 10% was...oh my God, BRENDAN FRASER. I...I had no idea he was like this. I think he was either incredibly stoned or very tired or he'd recently been hit in the head with a blunt object because I don't know what was up with him. He...was talking...very slowly...and...he rambled on...for ten minutes...without answering the...moderator's question...and he got emotional...over WWI soldiers...reading Jules Verne's book in...the trenches...and...3-D is awesome...and amazing...and the wave of the...future...and what...was the question?
He got points for being a fan of Young Sherlock Holmes, though. Also, he publicly apologized for Monkeybone and joked that it was an "$80 million art house film!" And then laughed his ass off like it was the funniest thing he'd ever said. And then said, "Where's my brain at?" I AM NOT KIDDING.
When asked what his favorite movies of his were, he couldn't pick just one, but he said that Gods and Monsters was an important film, as was The Quiet American. And he was glad The Mummy had so many fans. He then related an adorable anecdote about the time he was in the Singapore airport once when he noticed that something was attached to his leg. It turned out to be a small child, who said, "George!" So George of the Jungle was another one. (What, no Encino Man?)
He had his moments of clarity, but for the most part...Jesus Christ. I mean, maybe this means he's actually a fantastic actor if he's able to fake such a charming personality onscreen.
Anita and I skipped out on the AMAZING, REVOLUTIONARY, SEVEN-MINUTE PREVIEW at the Metreon three hours later. Instead, we went to Mel's for dinner, where she had the largest chicken pot pie I have ever seen in my life, and I had a chicken salad sandwich and...clam chowder! It was good, though strangely tangy. I'm not entirely sure what clam chowder is, but I did find some bits of clam, presumably.
Anita was parked right by the diner, so I bid her goodbye and began to cross the street quickly and avoid the Jesus freaks. It crossed my mind that, now that I was alone again, I could break out Midnight's Children.
Which is when I noticed something odd. I wasn't carrying my backpack.
Oh, motherfuck.
I hadn't left it at WonderCon; I knew for a fact I had pushed it under my chair at Mel's. I rapidly walked back to Mel's and forced my way inside.
It wasn't there. I could see before I even got there. It wasn't there. It was not underneath my chair. I asked the people at the table if they'd seen a backpack under their seat. They hadn't.
This wasn't happening. My signed copy of Fables. My pins. My backpack that I'd had since seventh grade. Oh my God.
I walked to the front in clear distress. I saw a man who looked like he worked there.
"I left my backpack under my chair over there," I said.
"Mmmhm?"
"Did someone take it? Because it was left?"
He was silent for an interminable second or two.
"I have it in the back," he said.
"Thank you!" I cried. Also: WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
He brought it out, and I thanked him again, and I clutched that motherfucker tight all the way home.
Where I found this waiting for me on the steps.
Tomorrow: Camilla Belle! Steve Carell! Anne Hathaway! Narnia! Wall-E! David Duchovny! Gillian Anderson! Joshua Jackson! James Kyson Lee! John Cho! Jon Favreau! Iron Man!
I got to Moscone Center around 12:30 or so after eating some rather lackluster orange chicken. To my surprise, there was a pretty big line to pick up your badge. Dammit, this was why it was cool to pick up your badge on Thursday! I waited in line for a bit, seeing the obligatory Stormtrooper as well as a couple people promoting Hitman and some women promoting 10,000 B.C..
Once I got my badge, I headed to the Bill Willingham panel, which was in a small room. Bill Willingham was already there, sitting alone at the panelist table and chatting with someone. The room was not packed; this was going to be one of those intimate sessions, which was pretty neat. When one o'clock rolled around, Bill Willingham began by telling us that you could tell this was the "Spotlight on Bill Willingham" panel because of the distinct lack of spotlight. He was scheduled to be at four panels over the course of the conference, so he didn't know how much Fables talk he had in him. (He presumed we were all there for Fables; we clapped and cheered.) So he just started taking questions. And I don't remember all of them.
The first one, however, was one of those totally geeky questions about whether Fables age or not. Bill went into a lengthy explanation that basically amounted to the fact that some Fables like Pinocchio specifically did not age because he was supposed to be a "real boy" forever (he quoted the bit from the comic where Pinocchio complains that he "wants his balls to drop"...and then he noticed the ten-year-old in the front row and added, "Your dad will explain that when you're older"...followed by a censoring of Pinocchio's next line: "And he wants to...date women!") and Little Boy Blue grew up to be a young man, but he was still young. If the character's youth is key to the story, then they stay that age. They had some rules, but he would find a way to break the rules in the name of chasing a good story. And he had totally done that already. He cited an example, but it's kind of spoilery, and I expect you guys to go read Fables because it's awesome.
Someone started to ask whether he considered himself a visual artist or a writer first, assuming he thought of himself to be a writer, but Bill interrupted him to answer that, actually, no, he was a visual artist first. Ever since he was a kid, he'd wanted to draw comics. He told the interesting story of how he got into comics, drawing for various companies. The best part was that he made up this superhero team called the Elementals (based on the four elements) simply as proof that he could draw, and then when he got hired, he asked what he'd be drawing.
The quizzical response: "The...comic you pitched, Bill." At which point he realized that he'd actually pitched Elementals by accident. He proceeded to lie his ass off, saying he had all kinds of story ideas and he knew how to do this and that and that and this...which he learned by breaking into the art director's office after hours and rifling through his stuff. He was a very entertaining storyteller.
There was another good story about a project he had done with old DC characters called Shadowpact or somesuch. At first, he was going to write it for Vertigo, but they told him they didn't want them to form a superhero team, and they didn't want them to sit around in a clubhouse. And he tried to come up with a story for these disparate characters, but all he could think of was for them to form a superhero team or for them to sit around in a clubhouse. Then, however, the project moved to DC proper. And DC would love for them to form a superhero team or sit around in a clubhouse! Oh, comics.
Someone asked him where he did his research on the fairytales and folklore? Wikipedia? Yes, in fact, he did use Wikipedia, although he was hesitant to use it at first. He also pimped a site called SurLaLune, which had, like, all fifty different versions of "Little Red Riding Hood" and such.
The guy next to me had some notes written down for his question to make sure he got it right. He wanted to know whether they were going to continue expanding the Fables universe to include more new characters as they fall into public domain (Peter Pan, for instance), and, secondly, whether they were going to expand titlewise: even his mom loves Jack of the Fables, so he wants more spin-offs! Bill gave a definite no to the second; two books a month was work enough. But a definite yes to the first. Regarding the second, however, he added that they would at least do one special book (like 1001 Nights of Snowfall) a year, and he was in fact working on said special book right now. Except DC really didn't want him to talk about it. So he couldn't really say what it was about. But there had been a recent issue where he had answered Burning Questions, and some of them he could not answer because they were going to be answered in this book. One of those questions was "Why are the Fables called Fables?" And he had the story for that with him (and, amusingly, he kept motioning to it as if it were there, except he was always motioning to the wrong side), but, like he said, DC really didn't want him to say anything about it. HOWEVER. He did say at the beginning that if anyone asked a direct question, he would answer it. So if someone asked him, "Why are the Fables called Fables?" he would have to answer.
There was a slight pause, and then a dozen hands shot up.
"Why are the Fables called Fables?" the guy asked. Bill said that, wait, he had already asked a question! He should have picked the guy behind him! The guy behind him said that the guy in front of him had pretty much covered it.
So Bill Willingham dug into his bag and pulled out his e-book reader (not the Kindle, as they were sold out of that, but the one that Borders was selling). He then read us a bit from the story, and it did answer the question (and, amusingly enough, it was sort of the answer I began to suspect as he was reading), but I will not pass on that information, as he told us not to. Besides, he told us that if DC fires him from comics, he's going to blame us.
After that was over, I raised my hand. "Yellow shirt!" he called. I asked him what was up with all the reimaginings. I had noticed that in the last decade or so, there seemed to have been a surge of this sort of thing, with Fables and Wicked and American McGee's Alice and Tin Man and The Looking Glass Wars. It seemed to be a very modern thing; I couldn't think of any other point where there had been such a surge. What did he think started this trend, and are they all influencing each other now?
He couldn't presume to guess the origin of the trend, but he quoted something Neil Gaiman had once said: "In the time of steam engines, people built steam engines." Which basically means that there is a time for everything, and this was the time for this. For him, personally, it was the "Fractured Fairy Tales" on Rocky and Bullwinkle. He couldn't believe that you were allowed to do that! He asked his mom why they could do that, and she explained about public domain and all that. So when he grew up, he realized that there were questions he'd always asked about some of these stories. No one could answer them. But he could answer them. This was a way to truly own these characters; they belong to everyone, after all.
As for the rest of everyone, he cited new technology as a factor. As computer animation advanced, it became cheaper and easier to bring a lot of these fantastical stories to life. Thus was borne a movie like The 10th Kingdom. He was also gracious enough to point out a woman's comic named Castle [Something-or-Other] that predated his by a couple years. So, he didn't know. But anyone who did it after him was totally ripping him off!
A man with a booming voice asked him if Fables were religious and whether he was going to add religious figures. The short answer: not so much, as it was a well-trod territory.
An old man asked him about his previous comment that he didn't draw much anymore because his drawing had become so slow. He pressed and pressed until Bill gave the humble answer that, well, he wasn't actually that good of an artist. There were much better artists in the business; why not let them illustrate his stories, especially because he could afford to be even more particular about what he wanted since he knew they could do it. But before that, though, he jokingly agreed with someone, "Yes, I have so many stories in my head that are just waiting to get out, I can't even focus on drawing! I'm doing it for you!"
The last question was also about a previous comment regarding what he'd done for TSR, the company that made the Dungeons and Dragons manuals. He had designed a few characters, including, most notably, the shadow henchman that made it into the Dungeons and Dragons animated series.
As a closer, he asked whether anyone in the audience didn't read Fables. A handful of people among the several dozen of us raised their hands. He said that they should go and buy a couple issues, and if they didn't find it to be their thing...[this woman in the audience he obviously knew and had joked about earlier in the panel] will come to your house and do your dishes for a week!
All in all, it was a really entertaining panel! I was very pleased with Bill Willingham.
Next, the exhibit hall! Where Bill was going himself. I found the DC booth, and...shit, I had completely forgotten to bring something for him to sign! I didn't realize it would be so easy!
Luckily, Comic Relief had a booth set up, and they did have copies of Legends in Exile, the first trade (perfectly appropriate!), which I needed to buy anyway. While I was there, I talked to a man who had read about WonderCon in the paper and had come to check it out. He didn't really know much about comics, so I pimped the hell out of Y: The Last Man, Ex Machina, and Fables, which were conveniently all in the same place (Vaughan and Willingham FTW!). I explained the premises of them and showed him some of the art and what the characters looked like. Y, I noted, was going to be made into a movie. Also, it was totally awesome, and he needed to start from the beginning. And so he bought the first trade! Unfortunately, I didn't get a commission.
I went back to stand in the line, which was very short. I got a bonus, because Steve Leiahola, the inker, was also there to sign! I waited for the guy in front of me to finish talking; he was asking about a possible Fables TV show or movie. Bill Willingham said there had been a pilot script floating around, but it was never shot. And there had actually been talk of a movie done by the Henson Studio. He had even suggested Jennifer Connelly for Snow White (and, yeah, I could see him basing her on her), and she had been interested (presumably because of her work in Labyrinth). This was around the time of A Beautiful Mind, so they had thought about casting Russell Crowe as Bigby Wolf, but Bill didn't think they ever really approached him. For his money, he thought Aaron Eckhart would do a good job, and, yeah, definitely.
When it was my turn, I got to be all geeky and awkward by telling him that when I had first gotten into comics, Powers was my gateway comic, and the second comic I fell in love with was Fables. "Where's the next issue? Where's the next issue?" I always said. I said I hadn't read in a while, so I had borrowed a friend's trades to catch up because I needed to start from the beginning to refresh my memory.
"Yes!" he agreed. "You need to start from the beginning! That's your homework!" He was glad I loved the comic, and he hoped I would keep reading. I shook his hand.
Minutes later, I called Seanan (cadhla).
"I just met Bill Willingham!" I said.
"You're at WonderCon!" she said. As it turned out, so was she. I made my way over to her, gave her a hug, and stared at her bizarre outfit.
She took me over to Jason Palmer's booth to show me some beautiful portraits he'd done of Kristen Bell and Jason Dohring. He'd even gotten them signed.
Then she took me to see Madagascar hissing cockroaches. "They're so cute!" she said. I...disagreed. The guy at the booth wanted me to wear the hat with the roaches on top, but I had no desire. Seanan continued to try to convince me that they were cute. A woman joined in the conversation for three seconds and then said:
"Seanan?"
Seanan, a second later: "TARA!!"
As they jubilantly embraced, I said, "Like I said, who don't you know?" They used to LARP together. It had been a long time since they'd seen each other, but I didn't know how long. They caught up, and it was cute.
I walked with Seanan so she could pick up her mini-painting, Godzilla vs. Mothra. In which Godzilla is terrified by this little moth thing.
Then we saw Lou Ferrigno. No, really, LOU FERRIGNO! The Incredible Freakin' Hulk, right there, in the flesh! It was sort of sad to just see him sitting there, collecting his convention fee, waiting for people to find him truly relevant and give him money. Down the aisle, we also passed C. Andrew Nelson (Darth Vader) and Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca), neither of whom you would ever recognize because all they did was wear a suit. In another aisle, Seanan pointed out Charlotte Stewart, who had been in Tremors!
"I love Tremors!" I said. Charlotte was a pretty cool woman; she'd been in Tremors, Eraserhead, Twin Peaks...and Little House on the Prairie. Hell, she'd been working on Little House and Eraserhead at the same time, the former during the day and the latter at night. (Also, holy shit, IMDb says she was on The Office too! As "Woman.")
Seanan left me to put on some pants, and I wandered the floor.
Ooh, Kabuki! This must be the David Mack table! I had been wanting to meet David Mack, but the only people I saw at the table were a woman and a youngish man whose name tag I couldn't read but simply had an "Exhibitor" ribbon on it.
I picked up an issue of Kabuki and flipped through it and said that I hadn't read it, but I loved the Daredevil volume, what was it called...Parts of a Hole? (Author's note: I was actually thinking of Wake Up.)
"Oh, yeah, that was the first work I did for Marvel," said the youngish man.
"So you are David Mack!" I said. Another guy pointed out to him that his nametag was hidden. Dude, I couldn't believe he was so young. Dirty talented bastard.
I got to geek out again as I told him his art was gorgeous ("Thank you"), and I loved the way he integrated the words into the art, like in Echo: Vision Quest. I didn't have my trades with me to sign, but he would be there all day tomorrow and Sunday, so I would get him in the morning before the panels. Before I left, he signed an issue of Kabuki for me and handed it to me to check out. After some waffling, I did go back and tell him I'd rather pick up a #1 rather than the #7 he'd given me so that I'd understand it. He signed that issue for me, and I left the #7 there for some lucky soul.
I searched for some anime stuff, and I almost freaked out when I saw a plush Ahiru duck...but it turned out to be a chocobo or something, unfortunately.
Then. Then. Then.
I stumbled upon a booth that had HALF-PRICE TRADES.
And for the next hour, I pored through stacks and stacks. There was so much I wanted to buy, but I eventually had to restrict myself to trades I needed in order to read them to catch up (Powers and 100 Bullets, two titles Seanan didn't read) and the volumes of Sandman I kept stumbling upon. They were not my preferred edition, but that edition was out of print, so this was the best I was going to be able to do. I managed to find six out of ten volumes, which wasn't bad. I maddeningly found a bazillion copies of Little Deaths, the one Powers trade I already owned, but I also found four others, one of which I hadn't actually gotten to yet. I found several 100 Bullets trades as well, but, and this is a note from the future, I fucking passed over three trades I THOUGHT I HAD BUT I ACTUALLY DO NOT. And I picked one up that I do have. Motherfucker. I knew I should have called someone to check my Amazon Wish List. Meanwhile, I helped another guy find Fables trades, as he was keeping an eye out for Sandman trades for me.
Finally, after tossing out a couple Daredevil trades to lighten the load a little, I took my stack to check out. There was no cash register or calculator; the man looked at the list prices and added them up in his head. I asked him if I got a bulk discount. He said it came out to about $120 (which was a little below what it actually was, but I think he wanted to work in twenties).
And I didn't have $120 in cash on me. He asked me if I had $100 ("See how I brought that down?"). I told him I had $80. He said he couldn't just keep bringing it down! I asked him if he could hold them for me, and he said he could hold them for the first two hours tomorrow.
Then I was informed that this was actually one of three booths...and some of the other trades I was looking for could have been in those other ones. But oh my God, I don't have the time! Or the money! Okay, technically, I do have the money, but...still! I never knew about this shit! I think I may just wait to buy all my trades from cons, man.
A final note: I was really glad I never saw Legends in Exile in the stack, after just having paid full price for it. I wouldn't have minded horribly, since the timing was good to get it signed by Bill Willingham (and he made one of the Three Little Pigs say, "To Sunil"! Hee!).
I was already late to get into line for Hall A; I made it there a few minutes before they started letting people in. As the line moved, someone tapped me and said, "Sunil!" It was Anita (rowanceleste)! "I told you I'd be here!" she said. I asked her to save me a seat.
She saved me a good seat, right by the middle aisle where the microphone was, a dozen rows from the front. We waited and waited for the Forgetting Sarah Marshall panel to start, chatting with the people behind us.
Finally, they brought out Nick Stoller, director of the movie, to tell us that they had the entire movie of Iron Man with them and were going to screen it for us right now. Then he introduced the panelists.
I have completely forgotten the fake introduction for...JASON SEGEL!
From Veronica Mars...KRISTEN BELL! She'll tell you how Heroes ends!
From That '70s Show, Family Guy, and countless FHM and Maxim spreads...MILA KUNIS!
Although he's not well-known in America, he's quite famous in England...RUSSELL BRAND!
From 30 Rock...JACK MCBRAYER!
And producer...SHAUNA ROBERTSON!
Now, the FSM panel was goddamn hilarious, and I cannot even begin to explain to you how funny it was. When this thing hits YouTube, fucking watch it.
Nick went down the line, asking each of them a question, most of which focused on Jason Segel's penis because of his nude scenes. He asked them all how it was to do their sex scenes. Russell Brand, oh my God. He's a household name in England, and if he keeps doing appearances to promote this movie, he's going to be a household name over here too. Because for fuck's sake, this shit is what he basically does for a living. He's REALLY GOOD AT IT.
He went on and on, very seriously about his sex scenes with...Jason. Jason was also really funny and played along. By the end, Russell declared that he was pregnant with his lovechild.
Nick asked Russell what it was like to be in Hawaii, where he wasn't famous. He said he didn't like being in places where he wasn't famous because it made it much harder to have sex. You had to do more than say your name. You had to talk, and then you had to do this thing called "dating."
They showed an extended trailer for the movie that had footage we hadn't seen before, and, oh my God. See, I wasn't too enthused by the first trailer. The movie seemed okay, but not that funny. The red-band trailer, however, was really funny (like Knocked Up, it seems like a lot of the funniest stuff is stuff you can't show on TV). Then, this new footage makes the movie look even funnier. It just gets better and better the more I see of it, and now I'm really looking forward to it.
Q&A! The first question was for everyone: what was their greatest acting challenge?
Jason, I think, went back to the nude scenes and whatnot. I don't remember what Kristen's answer was. Mila agreed with whatever Kristen had said but also added that she had really wanted to do the jump from the cliff that you see in the trailer. Jason jumped in with an anecdote that seemed to involve her attempting it and ending up with blood running all down her face without her noticing.
The best answer, as was the norm, came from Russell Brand, who said that he had to ride a horse. And they said riding a horse was just like driving a car, but he didn't know how to drive a car! And a car didn't go off the road on its own to fill up some petrol, and it didn't park itself in the garage, and...it was just all so hilarious how he was able to keep up the metaphor so effortlessly.
The second question was from a dorky little guy: "This question is for Mila. I'm a big fan, and I wanted to ask...can I have a picture with you?" And she was all, "...Okay?" And there was all this awkward business where she was going to come down, and then he got up on the stage, and someone took a picture with his camera, and she gave him a hug, and it was sort of adorable, but oh my God, how did that dude get past the vetting process?
Some strangely excited teenager who had kept standing up and clapping at seemingly everything asked, "Isn't San Francisco WonderCon better than San Diego WonderCon?" There were groans and cries of "COMIC-CON!" I have no idea what this kid was thinking. Also: VETTING PROCESS? Russell Brand, of course, saved the day by musing that WonderCon was about uniting people, and everyone cheered.
Someone asked if anyone had told Jack McBrayer that he looked like a young Tom Cruise. He said that Tom Cruise had filed some sort of injunction against him. And Katie was pregnant again!
One guy pointed out that most of them had been in TV shows that had ended before their time (Guy: "30 Rock is still doing well, so that's good." Jack: "Do you know something I don't?"). Would we ever see any of these shows again, especially Veronica Mars? Kristen said that everyone who worked on the show still remained friends, so that was good, but if they were going to do something (like the movie that had been talked about), they should probably do it before they got old. Geriatric was right around the corner! I got the impression that while she had loved the show when she was working on it, she had kind of moved on. (Well, too bad, Kristen: fans never move on! You're going to be asked about Veronica Mars for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.)
There was also something about how Shauna was really afraid of Jason's nipples, so one time he wore a shirt that had holes cut in it so that just his nipples poked out.
I...don't remember everything else in excruciating detail, but it was all pretty hilarious and awesome. What a great, entertaining group of actors.
I had been all waffley at first and hadn't gotten in line to ask a question, and I ended up getting in line too late to ask one. Which irked me not only because I had wanted to ask Kristen about Fanboys and see if she remembered me but also because I had really wanted to tell Russell Brand that he did have fans in America, that I had friends who loved him a lot and showed me clips of him on YouTube. It's got to suck to be the one cast member who doesn't get asked a question.
Next up was the Wanted panel. They showed the director's introduction and then had technical difficulties with the clip. Then they showed the director's introduction and got the clip to work and, holy God, it looks ridiculously awesome and awesomely ridiculous at the same time.
Out came...JAMES MCAVOY! (Isn't he dreamy?)
I got in line early this time. I forget what some of the first questions were. I think one of them began, "Hi, James! I love you!" He was very Scottish and adorable in response. Oh, I think the first question was about whether working with Angelina Jolie was as intense as it would seem. I think he said yes.
When I got up to the microphone: "I recently saw State of Play, which was fantastic"-"Thank you"-"so first, I was wondering what you thought of the remake and whoever's playing your character, and also, what are the differences between making a small British miniseries and making a big-budget American movie?"
James McAvoy asked me to repeat the question, as I talked fast and he couldn't see my mouth move and there was an echo. JAMES MCAVOY TOLD ME I TALK FAST OMG. BE JEALOUS, YOU GUYS.
I tried again, more slowly: "I wanted to know what you thought of the State of Play remake and whoever's playing your character"-"Whoever's playing me, okay. And the second part was?"-"and what are the differences between making a small British series and a big-budget American movie where everything is exploding? Because nothing explodes in State of Play; I was very surprised."-"Really? Heh."
As for who was going to play him in the remake...he wasn't going to be in the remake. Kevin MacDonald, director of both The Last King of Scotland and the remake, had asked him if he wanted to be in the movie and showed him the first draft of the script, and James had said, "By the time this is done, I'm not going to be in it, am I?" At first, Kevin thought, what, they were going to kill his character off? No, his character was just going to be cut out completely, he knew. It's a movie. Things have to go.
For the second part, he mused that Wanted was probably his first big-budget American movie, even though he'd been doing movies for a while now. And he said that the main difference was money...and the fact that it was never enough. Whether you had $75,000 or $80 million, you always needed more. There was also the fact that this movie so much more physical, literally. Like, in one day, it would be, "Oh, I have to climb that thing...but then later, I have to be crying! Which do I save my energy for??"
Someone pointed out that he'd worked with a lot of great actors and asked whether he learned from them and was going to keep learning. And, yes, he was going to keep learning; that was the beauty of his job. He was always learning, even if it wasn't about his craft. He got to go places he'd never get to go. Even in London, he could go to the sewers or the roofs of the House of Parliament-he had never been to those places before, he added, but he was sure he could go in the future!
Someone asked what his favorite kind of movie to do was, and he said that he had the most fun doing comedy. For instance, he'd done this film called Starter for 10-a handful of cheers. "And it was seen by those five people who cheered. And me." But he had really enjoyed it. Except the best moviemaking experience he'd had was Atonement, and that's one of the saddest movies you'll ever see. So who knows!
He also talked about what it was like to be in an action movie. When he was offered it, he didn't think he was a good fit for an action hero because they were something, something, and good-looking.
A girl behind me yelled, "You are good-looking!"
He smiled and thanked her. He continued by saying that he liked that they made the character of Wesley kind of a loser, because he could play that. Anyway, he started getting more into what action heroes do, and that is...jumping. He said that Michael J. Fox jumped over more things in Back to the Future than Mel Gibson did in all four Lethal Weapon movies. And, in this movie, he got to jump over a bridge! Michael J. Fox was always jumping over the hood of his car...but he jumped over a bridge. (He was really excited about this jumping thing. It was cute. I can see why people like him.)
Finally, we had the Journey to the Center of the Earth panel, and I will just summarize 90% of the panel right here: THE MOVIE IS IN 3-D.
The other 10% was...oh my God, BRENDAN FRASER. I...I had no idea he was like this. I think he was either incredibly stoned or very tired or he'd recently been hit in the head with a blunt object because I don't know what was up with him. He...was talking...very slowly...and...he rambled on...for ten minutes...without answering the...moderator's question...and he got emotional...over WWI soldiers...reading Jules Verne's book in...the trenches...and...3-D is awesome...and amazing...and the wave of the...future...and what...was the question?
He got points for being a fan of Young Sherlock Holmes, though. Also, he publicly apologized for Monkeybone and joked that it was an "$80 million art house film!" And then laughed his ass off like it was the funniest thing he'd ever said. And then said, "Where's my brain at?" I AM NOT KIDDING.
When asked what his favorite movies of his were, he couldn't pick just one, but he said that Gods and Monsters was an important film, as was The Quiet American. And he was glad The Mummy had so many fans. He then related an adorable anecdote about the time he was in the Singapore airport once when he noticed that something was attached to his leg. It turned out to be a small child, who said, "George!" So George of the Jungle was another one. (What, no Encino Man?)
He had his moments of clarity, but for the most part...Jesus Christ. I mean, maybe this means he's actually a fantastic actor if he's able to fake such a charming personality onscreen.
Anita and I skipped out on the AMAZING, REVOLUTIONARY, SEVEN-MINUTE PREVIEW at the Metreon three hours later. Instead, we went to Mel's for dinner, where she had the largest chicken pot pie I have ever seen in my life, and I had a chicken salad sandwich and...clam chowder! It was good, though strangely tangy. I'm not entirely sure what clam chowder is, but I did find some bits of clam, presumably.
Anita was parked right by the diner, so I bid her goodbye and began to cross the street quickly and avoid the Jesus freaks. It crossed my mind that, now that I was alone again, I could break out Midnight's Children.
Which is when I noticed something odd. I wasn't carrying my backpack.
Oh, motherfuck.
I hadn't left it at WonderCon; I knew for a fact I had pushed it under my chair at Mel's. I rapidly walked back to Mel's and forced my way inside.
It wasn't there. I could see before I even got there. It wasn't there. It was not underneath my chair. I asked the people at the table if they'd seen a backpack under their seat. They hadn't.
This wasn't happening. My signed copy of Fables. My pins. My backpack that I'd had since seventh grade. Oh my God.
I walked to the front in clear distress. I saw a man who looked like he worked there.
"I left my backpack under my chair over there," I said.
"Mmmhm?"
"Did someone take it? Because it was left?"
He was silent for an interminable second or two.
"I have it in the back," he said.
"Thank you!" I cried. Also: WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
He brought it out, and I thanked him again, and I clutched that motherfucker tight all the way home.
Where I found this waiting for me on the steps.
Tomorrow: Camilla Belle! Steve Carell! Anne Hathaway! Narnia! Wall-E! David Duchovny! Gillian Anderson! Joshua Jackson! James Kyson Lee! John Cho! Jon Favreau! Iron Man!