Freaks [12/20]
Title: Freaks [12/20]
Author: spazzyskittles/Tiffany
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer
POV: 1st (Ryan's)
Summary: An accident lands Ryan in the hospital, and he meets Jon, who tells him of a mysterious patient on their floor. There's something not quite right about him, but then again, there's something not quite right about Ryan as well.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Panic at the Disco. This is all just a by-product of an overactive imagination.
Author Notes: This is a completed story and will be updated every other day. Thanks to my beta pinkkchocolate, I couldn't have done it without you.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11
Chapter 12
“Good news, Ryan,” my physical therapist says with a smile after our session. I like her a lot; she’s very nice and knows just how to push me without being harsh. She doesn’t stare at me, and my appearance doesn’t seem to faze her. “You seem to be healing well. I’m going to talk to your doctor about you maybe being able to lose the crutches.”
“Really?” She nods as she helps me in the wheelchair for the ride back to my room, and I can’t help feeling relieved. It’s kind of a pain in the ass to have to get around on these.
The nurse takes me back to my floor, and after a lot of pleading, I get her to take me to Jon’s room instead of my own.
When we get there, she helps me out of the chair and hands me my crutches. I hobble into Jon’s room to find Spencer gone and Jon watching TV.
“Thank God,” Jon says as he sees me. “Daytime TV is so boring.”
“Where’s Spencer?” I ask.
“He had to go to work.” I nod in response since I should’ve figured. “He told me to give you a hug from him though.” I smile at the thought because Spencer really does know me. He knows how much I like the affection of a simple friendly hug.
“Save it,” I tell Jon. “You’ll rip your stitches.”
“Speaking of,” Jon says, “you should get a nurse to help me into my chair. We’re supposed to visit Brendon.”
I murmur, “I remember,” though I’m half-wishing he hadn’t. I turn away to go to the nurses’ station, and I come back with one of the male nurses (who is apparently very straight since he was trying to flirt with Nurse Catherine when I got there). He lifts Jon effortlessly from his hospital bed and places him carefully in his chair. Since I’ve still got my crutches, the nurse, whose name is Martin, accompanies us down the hallway to Brendon’s room, pushing Jon in his chair.
When we get to Brendon’s open door, I look in, and he is once again lying on his bed with his head facing the windows, as if he can see the view outside. I can feel my stomach flip flop and my heart clench at the sight of him, and I knock on the doorjamb while Jon and Martin wait behind me.
Brendon turns head towards me. “Hi, Brendon,” I say quietly, and there’s a smile immediately gracing his face at my voice.
“Ryan! Come in.”
I look back at Jon, and he raises an eyebrow at me. “Uh, Bren,” I mumble as I make my way inside, gesturing to Martin to follow, “I brought someone with me.”
We get to the side of Brendon’s in bed, and he seems to be responding to the slight squeaks that Jon’s chair is making since, with every sound, he moves his head a little. “Oh?” he says, sounding nervous.
“Yeah, my friend Jon. Remember, I told you about him. He’s a patient too, just got back from surgery.”
“Hi,” Jon says, immediately reaching out to grasp Brendon’s hand in a sort-of handshake. It startles Brendon at first, probably because he wasn’t expecting it, but soon, I see him relax since I know how much touch helps ground him.
“Hey,” Brendon says quietly, a small smile on his face. “Nice to meet you.”
I’m standing to the side, watching the scene in front of me as they make getting-to-know-each-other conversation, and a part of me is jealous, and I don’t even really know why. Maybe I’m too used to this feeling of wanting something that everyone else seems to have, or maybe I feel forgotten already. Jon had known right away that Brendon needed a hand to hold while Brendon had to ask me. I can already feel myself slipping into invisibility, and I feel a weight in my stomach dragging me down.
“Ryan?” Brendon’s voice jolts me from my thoughts, and I look up to find Brendon facing me and Jon watching me with concerned eyes.
“I’m here,” I tell him, and the relief that washes over Brendon’s countenance is noticeable. I let out a breath, and I can feel my body relax.
His free hand resting in his lap turns over, and for good measure, Brendon clenches his fist a little. I get the point. I make my way over and grasp his hand, and he squeezes mine in response. “I missed you,” Brendon whispers, and I can feel heat creep up to my cheeks. I turn to Jon and see that he’s smiling fondly at me.
---------------------
“And I woke up on the floor of the bathroom in my friend Tom’s clothes. I was a lot more comfortable than you’d think,” Jon says as he concludes his story of a wild night drinking when he was in college before the accident while Brendon laughs enthusiastically. He and Brendon are swapping stories, and I can’t help feeling a tad left out. Those kinds of parties I avoid like the plague. No one wants to see me, and I don’t want to see any of them. No one except Spencer would talk to me anyway, and I can’t imagine it’d be a whole lot of fun drinking by myself in a corner.
There’s a lull in the conversation, and I think they’re about to move on to a new topic when Brendon says, “Ryan, you tell one.”
I hesitate, glancing at Jon to see him sending me a look that says both “I’m sorry” and “You know why he doesn’t know.” I swallow and turn back to Brendon who is patiently waiting for a story from me.
“I don’t go out much,” I mutter finally.
There’s silence as Brendon frowns. “Oh, okay,” he says, and it turns quiet. Everyone has the story of “One night I was totally wasted…” but that’s not me. Honestly, I wish it were me. I want to have those experiences that everyone should have at least once in his life.
Soon, the uncomfortable atmosphere is broken when Martin pops into the room. “I need to take Jon back. His family is here.”
I look away as Jon and Brendon say their goodbyes, and I move to get up too when Brendon whispers, “Will you stay?”
I gaze at him, and I can’t stop the quiet “Alright” from slipping out.
Martin wheels Jon, who gives me a smile and a wave, out, and I’m left in silence with Brendon.
“Ryan?” Brendon says, his voice sounding slightly strained. It’s enough for me to look up and see the worry in his face as the bandage around his eyes dips a bit lower than normal.
“Yeah?”
He bites his lip and bows his head. “I didn’t know if you were still here.”
“I said I was staying.”
He nods once and frowns. “But… you’re not holding my hand.”
I look to his hands, and they’re lying limp in his lap. “Sorry,” I mumble, and I take his left hand.
We sit quietly, neither of us saying a word. I can’t seem to shake this sad feeling in my chest. I feel pressure around my hand as Brendon squeezes it once to make me look up. “Ryan, I may not be able to see, but I still know when you’re not smiling,” he says. “I can tell when you’re feeling unhappy.”
I take in a deep breath and shut my eyes tight before opening them again to find a concerned look on Brendon’s face.
“Please tell me what’s wrong. Did I… Did I do something?” he asks.
I breathe in again, willing myself to calm down. “I’m fine.” I’m not. “And you didn’t do anything.”
“You’re not,” Brendon says, frustration in his voice.
“I just…” I say, unable to stop myself. “I’ll understand if…” No, I won’t; it’ll hurt, probably more than anything has ever hurt me, but I’ll survive. That’s the one thing I’ve been able to do. But I really won’t understand so I don’t finish the sentence.
“What, Ryan?” he asks, his tone now desperate.
I sigh. “Look,” I finally say scratchily, “I’m not popular or outgoing or charismatic, like you or Jon. I’ve had one real friend for most of my life, and I keep to myself for the most part. I’m kind of a loner, and I have a hard time relating to normal experiences.” I exhale and turn my head away. “I’m pretty forgettable.”
I feel a tug at my arm, and when I look up, I see Brendon moving to get on his feet. I hastily move too as I say, “Brendon, what are you doing?”
“Don’t get up,” Brendon says as he feels around for the edge of the bed. He lets go of my hand to grab my shoulder as his feet touch the floor. I start to panic, as I’m not able to predict what he’s going to do.
“Brendon,” I say, my voice shaking, and Brendon wraps his arms around me, leaning in to rest his head against my left shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his breath hot against my neck.
That feeling in my chest has gone from cold and empty to warm and full at Brendon’s touch. “Don’t be,” I manage to say.
“I like you, Ryan.”
“You told me that,” I tell him, unable to repress a small smile.
“Well, then why don’t you believe me?” he whispers. Brendon lets go and backs away to his bed. He’s facing me, expecting an answer.
“No one’s ever… I’m not used to any of this,” I tell him.
After a bit of silence, Brendon nods slowly. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “I get it, Ry. But I want you to trust me. I really wish you would.”
I swallow down my emotions, mainly, that fear that I’m going to regret what I’m about to say, as my heart beats quickly. “I’ll try.”
Brendon’s expression changes as he gives me a small smile. “I guess that’s all I could ask for. Baby steps, you know.”
“Yeah,” I say as I sigh and take his hand again. His thumb runs gently along my fingers, and for a moment, I let myself believe him.
-----------------
When I look into Jon’s room after I’ve left Brendon’s, I find his room empty of guests. I hesitate for a minute, unsure, but I walk in anyway.
“Hey, Jon,” I say timidly when he sees me.
“What was up with you?” he asks immediately, and I stop dead in my tracks.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, even though I know perfectly well what was up with me.
Jon shakes his head. “Ryan, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I can tell you right now that if you keep going, you’re going to break his heart. And your own.”
I nod, wiping hastily at my eyes and looking away. When I look back, Jon’s eyes have softened, and he says, “I could see it, you know. There’s something real there.”
I nod again, swallowing down the emotions of the day.
“Sit down,” Jon says softly. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
“Thanks, Jon.” I chuckle. “Always looking out for me.”
He smiles. “That’s what friends are for.”
-----------------
A/N:
LOL you'll never guess what happened to me. So in an effort to be more active this year, my friend and I decided to take some dance classes at my school's gym. 10 minutes into one of them, I was on the floor, and an hour later, I was being checked by EMTs and brought to the hospital in an ambulance. Basically, I sprained my knee, and we're hoping it wasn't also a meniscus tear. It's in an immobilizer and they gave me crutches. IRONY.
ETA
I signed up for bandombigbang!
Author: spazzyskittles/Tiffany
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon, Jon/Spencer
POV: 1st (Ryan's)
Summary: An accident lands Ryan in the hospital, and he meets Jon, who tells him of a mysterious patient on their floor. There's something not quite right about him, but then again, there's something not quite right about Ryan as well.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Panic at the Disco. This is all just a by-product of an overactive imagination.
Author Notes: This is a completed story and will be updated every other day. Thanks to my beta pinkkchocolate, I couldn't have done it without you.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11
Chapter 12
“Good news, Ryan,” my physical therapist says with a smile after our session. I like her a lot; she’s very nice and knows just how to push me without being harsh. She doesn’t stare at me, and my appearance doesn’t seem to faze her. “You seem to be healing well. I’m going to talk to your doctor about you maybe being able to lose the crutches.”
“Really?” She nods as she helps me in the wheelchair for the ride back to my room, and I can’t help feeling relieved. It’s kind of a pain in the ass to have to get around on these.
The nurse takes me back to my floor, and after a lot of pleading, I get her to take me to Jon’s room instead of my own.
When we get there, she helps me out of the chair and hands me my crutches. I hobble into Jon’s room to find Spencer gone and Jon watching TV.
“Thank God,” Jon says as he sees me. “Daytime TV is so boring.”
“Where’s Spencer?” I ask.
“He had to go to work.” I nod in response since I should’ve figured. “He told me to give you a hug from him though.” I smile at the thought because Spencer really does know me. He knows how much I like the affection of a simple friendly hug.
“Save it,” I tell Jon. “You’ll rip your stitches.”
“Speaking of,” Jon says, “you should get a nurse to help me into my chair. We’re supposed to visit Brendon.”
I murmur, “I remember,” though I’m half-wishing he hadn’t. I turn away to go to the nurses’ station, and I come back with one of the male nurses (who is apparently very straight since he was trying to flirt with Nurse Catherine when I got there). He lifts Jon effortlessly from his hospital bed and places him carefully in his chair. Since I’ve still got my crutches, the nurse, whose name is Martin, accompanies us down the hallway to Brendon’s room, pushing Jon in his chair.
When we get to Brendon’s open door, I look in, and he is once again lying on his bed with his head facing the windows, as if he can see the view outside. I can feel my stomach flip flop and my heart clench at the sight of him, and I knock on the doorjamb while Jon and Martin wait behind me.
Brendon turns head towards me. “Hi, Brendon,” I say quietly, and there’s a smile immediately gracing his face at my voice.
“Ryan! Come in.”
I look back at Jon, and he raises an eyebrow at me. “Uh, Bren,” I mumble as I make my way inside, gesturing to Martin to follow, “I brought someone with me.”
We get to the side of Brendon’s in bed, and he seems to be responding to the slight squeaks that Jon’s chair is making since, with every sound, he moves his head a little. “Oh?” he says, sounding nervous.
“Yeah, my friend Jon. Remember, I told you about him. He’s a patient too, just got back from surgery.”
“Hi,” Jon says, immediately reaching out to grasp Brendon’s hand in a sort-of handshake. It startles Brendon at first, probably because he wasn’t expecting it, but soon, I see him relax since I know how much touch helps ground him.
“Hey,” Brendon says quietly, a small smile on his face. “Nice to meet you.”
I’m standing to the side, watching the scene in front of me as they make getting-to-know-each-other conversation, and a part of me is jealous, and I don’t even really know why. Maybe I’m too used to this feeling of wanting something that everyone else seems to have, or maybe I feel forgotten already. Jon had known right away that Brendon needed a hand to hold while Brendon had to ask me. I can already feel myself slipping into invisibility, and I feel a weight in my stomach dragging me down.
“Ryan?” Brendon’s voice jolts me from my thoughts, and I look up to find Brendon facing me and Jon watching me with concerned eyes.
“I’m here,” I tell him, and the relief that washes over Brendon’s countenance is noticeable. I let out a breath, and I can feel my body relax.
His free hand resting in his lap turns over, and for good measure, Brendon clenches his fist a little. I get the point. I make my way over and grasp his hand, and he squeezes mine in response. “I missed you,” Brendon whispers, and I can feel heat creep up to my cheeks. I turn to Jon and see that he’s smiling fondly at me.
---------------------
“And I woke up on the floor of the bathroom in my friend Tom’s clothes. I was a lot more comfortable than you’d think,” Jon says as he concludes his story of a wild night drinking when he was in college before the accident while Brendon laughs enthusiastically. He and Brendon are swapping stories, and I can’t help feeling a tad left out. Those kinds of parties I avoid like the plague. No one wants to see me, and I don’t want to see any of them. No one except Spencer would talk to me anyway, and I can’t imagine it’d be a whole lot of fun drinking by myself in a corner.
There’s a lull in the conversation, and I think they’re about to move on to a new topic when Brendon says, “Ryan, you tell one.”
I hesitate, glancing at Jon to see him sending me a look that says both “I’m sorry” and “You know why he doesn’t know.” I swallow and turn back to Brendon who is patiently waiting for a story from me.
“I don’t go out much,” I mutter finally.
There’s silence as Brendon frowns. “Oh, okay,” he says, and it turns quiet. Everyone has the story of “One night I was totally wasted…” but that’s not me. Honestly, I wish it were me. I want to have those experiences that everyone should have at least once in his life.
Soon, the uncomfortable atmosphere is broken when Martin pops into the room. “I need to take Jon back. His family is here.”
I look away as Jon and Brendon say their goodbyes, and I move to get up too when Brendon whispers, “Will you stay?”
I gaze at him, and I can’t stop the quiet “Alright” from slipping out.
Martin wheels Jon, who gives me a smile and a wave, out, and I’m left in silence with Brendon.
“Ryan?” Brendon says, his voice sounding slightly strained. It’s enough for me to look up and see the worry in his face as the bandage around his eyes dips a bit lower than normal.
“Yeah?”
He bites his lip and bows his head. “I didn’t know if you were still here.”
“I said I was staying.”
He nods once and frowns. “But… you’re not holding my hand.”
I look to his hands, and they’re lying limp in his lap. “Sorry,” I mumble, and I take his left hand.
We sit quietly, neither of us saying a word. I can’t seem to shake this sad feeling in my chest. I feel pressure around my hand as Brendon squeezes it once to make me look up. “Ryan, I may not be able to see, but I still know when you’re not smiling,” he says. “I can tell when you’re feeling unhappy.”
I take in a deep breath and shut my eyes tight before opening them again to find a concerned look on Brendon’s face.
“Please tell me what’s wrong. Did I… Did I do something?” he asks.
I breathe in again, willing myself to calm down. “I’m fine.” I’m not. “And you didn’t do anything.”
“You’re not,” Brendon says, frustration in his voice.
“I just…” I say, unable to stop myself. “I’ll understand if…” No, I won’t; it’ll hurt, probably more than anything has ever hurt me, but I’ll survive. That’s the one thing I’ve been able to do. But I really won’t understand so I don’t finish the sentence.
“What, Ryan?” he asks, his tone now desperate.
I sigh. “Look,” I finally say scratchily, “I’m not popular or outgoing or charismatic, like you or Jon. I’ve had one real friend for most of my life, and I keep to myself for the most part. I’m kind of a loner, and I have a hard time relating to normal experiences.” I exhale and turn my head away. “I’m pretty forgettable.”
I feel a tug at my arm, and when I look up, I see Brendon moving to get on his feet. I hastily move too as I say, “Brendon, what are you doing?”
“Don’t get up,” Brendon says as he feels around for the edge of the bed. He lets go of my hand to grab my shoulder as his feet touch the floor. I start to panic, as I’m not able to predict what he’s going to do.
“Brendon,” I say, my voice shaking, and Brendon wraps his arms around me, leaning in to rest his head against my left shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his breath hot against my neck.
That feeling in my chest has gone from cold and empty to warm and full at Brendon’s touch. “Don’t be,” I manage to say.
“I like you, Ryan.”
“You told me that,” I tell him, unable to repress a small smile.
“Well, then why don’t you believe me?” he whispers. Brendon lets go and backs away to his bed. He’s facing me, expecting an answer.
“No one’s ever… I’m not used to any of this,” I tell him.
After a bit of silence, Brendon nods slowly. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “I get it, Ry. But I want you to trust me. I really wish you would.”
I swallow down my emotions, mainly, that fear that I’m going to regret what I’m about to say, as my heart beats quickly. “I’ll try.”
Brendon’s expression changes as he gives me a small smile. “I guess that’s all I could ask for. Baby steps, you know.”
“Yeah,” I say as I sigh and take his hand again. His thumb runs gently along my fingers, and for a moment, I let myself believe him.
-----------------
When I look into Jon’s room after I’ve left Brendon’s, I find his room empty of guests. I hesitate for a minute, unsure, but I walk in anyway.
“Hey, Jon,” I say timidly when he sees me.
“What was up with you?” he asks immediately, and I stop dead in my tracks.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, even though I know perfectly well what was up with me.
Jon shakes his head. “Ryan, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I can tell you right now that if you keep going, you’re going to break his heart. And your own.”
I nod, wiping hastily at my eyes and looking away. When I look back, Jon’s eyes have softened, and he says, “I could see it, you know. There’s something real there.”
I nod again, swallowing down the emotions of the day.
“Sit down,” Jon says softly. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
“Thanks, Jon.” I chuckle. “Always looking out for me.”
He smiles. “That’s what friends are for.”
-----------------
A/N:
LOL you'll never guess what happened to me. So in an effort to be more active this year, my friend and I decided to take some dance classes at my school's gym. 10 minutes into one of them, I was on the floor, and an hour later, I was being checked by EMTs and brought to the hospital in an ambulance. Basically, I sprained my knee, and we're hoping it wasn't also a meniscus tear. It's in an immobilizer and they gave me crutches. IRONY.
ETA
I signed up for bandombigbang!