It's always difficult to look back through the years and recognize how you have evolved, particularly for someone like you (or I), who has worked at crafting yourself, and thus has been someone you were happy being for an extended period of time.
In other words... you liked who you were being one of the guys. You like who you are now, but because you liked yourself then it's hard to acknowledge that the time is over and a different time has begun. And honestly, 5 years from now you'll be happy, but still missing being one of the guys, and still missing the time you're having now.
It's difficult, being someone who is both happy and also recognizes the value of who you were. I wish you all the luck (and happiness!) in the world.
Yeah, it's weird. I was always so happy at NFTY - it was the only time my anorexia was a complete non-issue b/c I knew people were accepting me for who I was, and I definitely had a lot of that at Brandeis, but I also had stuff like Sholem's manipulation which was sending me four steps backwards. Now I consider myself well into recovering, I'm happy where I am, but there's not as rampant prevalence of "I love you because you're you" that there was at Brandeis or in NFTY (rampant in a good way, of course
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In other words... you liked who you were being one of the guys. You like who you are now, but because you liked yourself then it's hard to acknowledge that the time is over and a different time has begun. And honestly, 5 years from now you'll be happy, but still missing being one of the guys, and still missing the time you're having now.
It's difficult, being someone who is both happy and also recognizes the value of who you were. I wish you all the luck (and happiness!) in the world.
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Unfortunately, there's no easy fix.
Fortunately, you're still a happy person and there are many things that will keep you happy. Hugs included.
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