audio

[sparkling_by]

[cough. cough-cough.]

Um.

Ahem.

To... the Evil Overlord of unmistakable Doom behind this nefarious kidnapping plot of the most valiant, precious, pure-hearted and magnificent of princes -

If you’re a lady: ...ah... may your day be as bright and as beautiful as you yourself doubtlessly are. Even if it’s a rash decision, I’m sure there’s a

Comments

[dance_of_hope]

...Eh?

[sparkling_by]

That's a very good question, and I'm happy you asked.

There are certain requirements to being an alien, and with this as such a cut-throat industry, you can't get by without giving it your all.

Firstly, you have to be green. If you're not green, blue's also acceptable. Of course, unless you're shape-shifting, then I suppose the scales are a seasonal touch.

No matter what, an alien has tentacles and kidnapping intentions. They always pick on beautiful, beautiful heroes - like me - and they take them far away for studying purposes. I can't exactly tell you how you can study without having opposing thumbs, but being an alien, I'm sure you can just brainwash regular humans into holding your Hello Kitty pens.

The real language of aliens is very unusual, so that most people think it sounds like trying to whistle while brushing your teeth.

Lastly, a good alien has a spaceship. It must absolutely, positively, without fail look like really old china.

So, if you're missing any of these things, I suggest you start shaping up!

[dance_of_hope]

I...

...

...I don't think I make a good alien, Tamaki...

Where do I get scales? And a...sp-space-ship?

[sparkling_by]

Hard work! Perseverance! No moisturizer! A good garage!

[dance_of_hope]

O-Oh! I'll-I'll do my best!

[[SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT SHE'S GOING TO DO BUT HEY SHE NEEDS TO SHAPE UP!]]

[sparkling_by]

It's all right, Miss Ahiru Alien! I believe in you! I'll be cheering you all the way, day and night, every hour of the morning and well until afternoon tea!

[ Audio ] /c-cuts in if that's okay

[sword_and_quill]

She's not an alien! What the hell kind of nonsense are you feeding her?

pffffffffft tag away XD AND IT'S ALL IMPLIED AUDIO, for I r lazy ._.

[sparkling_by]

The kind that will make her grow very big and very tall and make her bones strong too?

That works! \o/

[sword_and_quill]

[ Oh god, why does he have to deal with idiocy. ]

Quit putting weird ideas into her head! She actually believes you!

[sparkling_by]

THERE ARE NO LIES IN THOSE PLEAS FOR ALIEN IMPROVEMENT!

[sword_and_quill]

[ ...Why must you be just as aggravating and strange as he remembers. ]

She's not an alien, dammit! She has no idea what the hell you're talking about and she's gullible enough to believe what you're telling her. So shut up.

[ Because yes, it's totally acceptable to speak for someone else. And he does not want to waste time trying to undo this stupidity. ]

1/3

[sparkling_by]

Ah ---

[sparkling_by]

[sparkling_by]

You know... you don't have to be in denial, or ashamed of who and what you are, Mr. Alien. Just embrace it.

1/2

[sword_and_quill]

[ ...What. ]

[sword_and_quill]

[ ...Frustration. Rising... ]

Do you not listen at all!?

[ Uuugh. This is pointless to argue, isn't it. ]