I want to take a chainsaw to my family tree

[sparkindarkness]

Ok this is complex. But in the not too distant past, Disapproving Homophobic Aunt (one of the many members of Disapproving Homophobic Family) had and *ahem* moment with the law. And, like anyone in my family with legal issues, she called me and I done Sorted it Out for Her, Discreetly. And even implied to inquiring family that it was providing a

Comments

[janetmiles]

Oh, argh. I hope that you're able to find some way to remain in touch with the tolerable portions of your family without being forced to "connect" with the intolerable part.

[sparkindarkness]

I hope so - but it's down to them now to make it happen.

[janetmiles]

Oh, absolutely -- I didn't mean it to sound like I thought it was your responsibility, but I see I phrased it poorly.

[sparkindarkness]

Aye I totally understand :) Hopefully they';ll find the way and go to the effort to see it's important. We'll see :)

[masterde]

Can I begin convulsing and frothing at the mouth now? Cause that'd be super. Ever since I became an adult. 'lo those many years ago, I decided that family are those people who love you, accept you (all of you), and don't have ulterior motives (using you for your law skills and trying to set you up with women, you know "once you get yourself sorted out" *begins frothing*) If they can't do those things then they are not family. Politely tell the family members that are urging you to 'return to the flock' that "They are vile homophobes and bigots who are just using this as an excuse to get free legal advice and they are either ignoring the fact that Beloved exists or denying that he should be the part of your life that he is. Their 'Olive Branch' has thorns on it and I'll be damned if I'm going to bleed for them." But, you know... in your own words. You're not paying therapy bloke to help you back into the closet. Which is exactly what they want you to do.

I need a torch, rabid badgers, and a strong alcoholic drink.

[sparkindarkness]

Only if you put plastic down, foaming is messy.

I'm saddened that people I was long rid of are now crawling out of the woodwork, they're like cockroaches. and now they look like they're gioing to force me to cut off yet more of my fmily tree to be rid of them. My tree has woodworm.

I'm not going to let them beat me with their olive branch, I really am not, I'm tired of that

[masterde]

Good for you! I hate people masquerading as 'loved ones.' 'Loved ones' to whom? Themselves? Cause they aren't 'loved ones' to me.

[jocelyncs]

Ugh. I hate those types. Just remember, even your "good" relatives are nothing of the kind if they join Aunt's crusade. Good relatives are the ones who let you draw your own boundaries.

[sparkindarkness]

They'll just stand aside and urge me to "play nice" and then tut when I won't

[aviv_b]

I don't get your relatives - you've been with your partner for a decade (or more). If they can't accept that, then to hell with them. Continue to ignore them

[stress_kitten]

Hehe... I really like this suggestion (except for the fact that it doesn't acknowledge the fact you already consider yourself married... however, since it's really more for your "family" than for you that might be tolerable).

Also included in this would have to be your friends' solemn promises not to actually physically assault any of your family members, despite the likely provocation...

I find this suggestion delightfully aggressively passive-aggressive and would have to involve a Sparky doped to the eyebrows on anti-anxiety drugs, I would imagine.

[aviv_b]

Yes its a great fantasy. But honestly, it breaks my heart to see Sparky, who obviously finds family very important, to be continually subjected to this fuckery. Its soul-killing when your family won't accept you for who you are and feels its their duty to change you into something they are more comfortable with.

[sparkindarkness]

sadly so

[kathminchin]

If they had actually extended a proper olive branch or built a proper bridge that would be one thing. And in such a situation yes, they should be the people making the first move.

Shame that they haven't actually you know, made that first move. Such a first move would be "I am sorry my previous behaviour has caused you distress. Please tell me how I can improve on it." And then acknowledged that you are "sorted out" (you have a beloved partner, you have an awesome cat, you have a career etc) and that what now needs to happen is they need to accept Beloved; accept the cat and stop trying to set you up with females.

< hugs > By this point I'd have sworn at the aunt in the sure and certain knowledge that my parents and brother would have backed me up. Shame you don't have similar.

[sparkindarkness]

It would have to be a good faith effort - and this? I don't think it even counts as an effort.

I think I'm going to hermit, the only kin I can guarantee will back me is Beloved, the rest are going to disapprove of my refusal to work with them