Confessions of a Mask - 1/2
Title: Confessions of a Mask - 1/2 - Part 2
Author: sparkaperture
Rating: R for swearing and self-harm
Pairings: Seunghyun/Jiyong , TOP/GD
Genre: Angst, drama
Summary: After a while of watching and studying, Seunghyun finally figures out Jiyong's long term secret of scars, wounds and burns. After a violent confrontation, Jiyong breaks down only to leave Seunghyun confused and hurt.
Notes: Yeah, this is my first fic ever. Because I take forever and a day. An idea that came out of me a few months ago and finally wrapped together in this. Thanks to neo_fatalism for urging and giving me opinions.
Seunghyun's heart pounded as each and every one of the pants pockets were pulled out, the thin flimsy fabric exposed to the eye. Each and every one of them did not house what he was looking for. His breath pushed through his nostrils until he inhaled deeply, his hands clenching into fists. He had to keep looking, they had to be somewhere. Yet...he didn't notice until that moment that the younger man with the small body was standing in the doorway of the walk-in closet. His brown eyes were wide as he took in the mess, all of his pants in a messy pile, each and every one of the pockets turned inside out while his shirts and jackets were strewn about. Slim fingers gripped onto the white doorframe and Seunghyun heard that oh-so familiar, wary voice.
"H-hyung...w-what the hell are you doing?" Jiyong asked in a small voice, and Seunghyun could already feel the nervous tension in the air. No...he wasn't going to give into that voice this time. Shutting his eyes for a moment, the older man's jaw clenched before he opened his eyes to stare at the drawers that contained his jewelry. Seunghyun moved forward and took the small knob of the drawer, forcefully pulling it out and his hands went straight to rummaging through the mess of jewelry, trying to find an object, any kind of object that could explain why Jiyong was this way. The other wasn't sure if it was a good idea to approach Seunghyun, but, he couldn't understand...why was he doing this? He flinched as soon as the drawer was thrown open and he quickly made his way over to Seunghyun, grabbing his upper arm.
"Seunghyun, that's my stuff! What the fuck are you doing?!" He pleaded, looking up at Seunghyun with the stale make-up that was still on his face from an earlier performance. The older man froze, staring down at the empty drawer before his hand left the items, moving to turn to face Jiyong. His deep-set eyes studied Jiyong's features, taking in the way the make-up tried to cover up the dark circles that developed underneath his eyes from sleepless nights. The fake smile wasn't stretched along his lips and he flicked his gaze to stare at Jiyong's confused and worried expression. Yet, he had to ask, he needed to know.
"Where are they." Seunghyun's voice was dangerously low and his eyes narrowed as he stared at Jiyong, who shifted under his stare, his bottom lip becoming trapped between his teeth.
"W-what are you talking about, hyung?" The grip he had on Seunghyun's black button-up collared shirt only tightened. Jiyong had to get out of this mess because, the feeling in his stomach made him think that he knew what was about to come next...and he wasn't ready for it. Jiyong felt the sudden need to run out of the room and get as far as he could underneath his covers, into the creases and folds so no one would see him. Jiyong immediately regretted the question, regretting his actions of ever returning to his room. Yet soon, the hand that held Seunghyun's shirt was empty, as the taller man pulled away, glaring at the fragile boy.
"You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about!" Seunghyun's voice nearly echoed through the walk-in closet, which only made Jiyong cower away. Yes...he did know what he was talking about and he wondered if he ran now, if the older one would catch him. Yet, Jiyong knew there was no way out of this. No matter how far he would run, it would always catch up to him, the proof was on his skin. Jiyong took a few steps back, staring at Seunghyun with a confused look as he shook his head slowly.
"I-I--" Yet by the way the simple letter slipped out of Jiyong's mouth, Seunghyun violently shoved the drawers off of the table, all of his pricey jewelry falling to the carpet and bouncing away from the duo, as if the silver and gold knew to run away.
"Where the fuck are the things you hurt yourself with! Where are they! I know you hide them somewhere, I know what the hell you do to yourself, Jiyong. Now tell me!" Seunghyun nearly roared, approaching the smaller boy. Tears stung in Jiyong's brown orbs as his eyes widened once again, staring at the hyung he trusted most, the one that had so much talent and poise...the one he just wanted to hide behind. He had never seen Seunghyun this mad...people always took him as such a scary person because of his looks, but, Jiyong knew better than that. Yet, when Seunghyun yelled, the musician felt like he was a grain of sand, ready to be blown away in seconds. Jiyong felt as if his heart would be ripped out in a moment, from how hard it was pounding at that very second. He stumbled as he took a step back, his hand reaching out to steady himself against the wall. Jiyong screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head.
"I-I d-don't know what you're t-talking about!" Fuck, why couldn't he speak in a decent, steady voice? Because he knew Seunghyun caught him, he knew it wasn't a secret anymore.
"Shit, Jiyong don't lie to me!" Seunghyun yelled, his heart clenching as he saw the condition of the younger boy leaned against the wall with tears that were threatening to slide down his cheeks. He couldn't stand the way Jiyong would lock himself in the room and the bathroom after meetings, practice, and interviews, to watch the rest of the members act like nothing was going on...Seunghyun knew better than that. Seunghyun couldn't be the strong one anymore, he couldn't stand to see the fake, cheerful look Jiyong would sport during performances and interviews. He had known Jiyong for years, knew his habits, when he was happy or sad...Jiyong was his best friend and he loved him. Seunghyun wanted to be the one that could help the boy but it made him so angry that Jiyong built such a thick wall around him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Seunghyun nearly pleaded in frustration, "Why aren't you happy? You have everything that you ever wanted! Money, fans, girls...why do you do this to yourself!?" Seunghyun needed to know, he needed to know the direct reason why Jiyong was hurting himself. He knew the look in his eye when Jiyong would play with a lighter, or the edge of a nail filer. "Do you honestly think you could keep this away from me?" He stepped closer to Jiyong so that they were face to face. Jiyong shook his head again, trying to control the tears from sliding down his cheeks as his chest tensed up, feeling a sob inch its' way up his throat. Seunghyun didn't know, the man had no idea. It wasn't the money, it wasn't the fans...he had came into this show business craving attention, ever since he was a kid, trying to receive the attention that no one would give him. People began to love GD, not Jiyong. Seunghyun did not understand, he didn’t understand the internal loneliness he felt, he couldn’t understand the way that Jiyong could no longer laugh along with his members, like he would in the past.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, Seunghyun!” Jiyong said in a tense voice, yet, the two both knew he was lying through his teeth. The small-framed man felt as he was going to throw up as his head was spinning. It had to be a nightmare; it had to be something, anything other than reality. Seunghyun stared at Jiyong at disbelief, not understanding why the other believed that his lies were convincing. Anger burst through his chest and he couldn’t understand why Jiyong was being so damn selfish. Seunghyun moved over to Jiyong, his hands gripping the boy’s shoulders tightly as he stared intensely into the other’s eyes.
“You have no idea what toll this is putting on the group, putting on me.” Seunghyun growled before suddenly beginning to pull apart the white button-up shirt that decorated Jiyong’s torso, the buttons popping and tearing off of the soft material. Jiyong immediately began to panic as Seunghyun’s large hands began to rip off his shirt and a sob squeezed through his throat as he tried to push the older man off of him.
“S-seunghyun sto-“ Another sob caught Jiyong short and he let out a yelp as Seunghyun pressed against him hard, pulling the shirt off of his arms and tossing the light material aside. Fingers begun to work at his leather belt and Jiyong cried out in panic, fingernails scratching along the front of Seunghyun’s hands, which were only pushed away forcefully. The two both knew Seunghyun was far too strong for Jiyong to push off and the frail man banged his fists on the older man’s shoulders, sobbing.
“H-hyung p-please!!” Jiyong begged in a cracked voice, his heart racing uncontrollably as his pants were tugged down. Seunghyun ignored Jiyong’s pleads and hitting, his eyes immediately leading down to Jiyong’s lower stomach and upper thighs. His hands began to tremble as he stepped back from the other, his eyes staring at the red and purple marks that decorated his once flawless, creamy skin. Seunghyun stared at Jiyong’s pale, exposed skin that housed burn marks, both fresh and old…along with cuts that were placed in no particular order, ranging from size and width. The taller man stumbled back as he stared, bile rising up to his throat before he swallowed it down. There was no way he could take it in, take in the harm that Jiyong had done to himself…and he wasn’t sure how to feel. Jiyong clasped his hand over his mouth and slid down the wall, his pants pooled around his ankles as his shoulders refused to stop shaking with silent sobs. Seunghyun wanted to take the thin man in his arms and hold him, tell him that everything was going to be okay…but it was the fact that reality was no where near okay that made Seunghyun stand his distance. This couldn’t be happening...to see their leader on the ground, so vulnerable and weak. Seunghyun was suddenly outside of the closet, quickly walking out of Jiyong’s room and slamming the door behind him.
Author: sparkaperture
Rating: R for swearing and self-harm
Pairings: Seunghyun/Jiyong , TOP/GD
Genre: Angst, drama
Summary: After a while of watching and studying, Seunghyun finally figures out Jiyong's long term secret of scars, wounds and burns. After a violent confrontation, Jiyong breaks down only to leave Seunghyun confused and hurt.
Notes: Yeah, this is my first fic ever. Because I take forever and a day. An idea that came out of me a few months ago and finally wrapped together in this. Thanks to neo_fatalism for urging and giving me opinions.
Seunghyun's heart pounded as each and every one of the pants pockets were pulled out, the thin flimsy fabric exposed to the eye. Each and every one of them did not house what he was looking for. His breath pushed through his nostrils until he inhaled deeply, his hands clenching into fists. He had to keep looking, they had to be somewhere. Yet...he didn't notice until that moment that the younger man with the small body was standing in the doorway of the walk-in closet. His brown eyes were wide as he took in the mess, all of his pants in a messy pile, each and every one of the pockets turned inside out while his shirts and jackets were strewn about. Slim fingers gripped onto the white doorframe and Seunghyun heard that oh-so familiar, wary voice.
"H-hyung...w-what the hell are you doing?" Jiyong asked in a small voice, and Seunghyun could already feel the nervous tension in the air. No...he wasn't going to give into that voice this time. Shutting his eyes for a moment, the older man's jaw clenched before he opened his eyes to stare at the drawers that contained his jewelry. Seunghyun moved forward and took the small knob of the drawer, forcefully pulling it out and his hands went straight to rummaging through the mess of jewelry, trying to find an object, any kind of object that could explain why Jiyong was this way. The other wasn't sure if it was a good idea to approach Seunghyun, but, he couldn't understand...why was he doing this? He flinched as soon as the drawer was thrown open and he quickly made his way over to Seunghyun, grabbing his upper arm.
"Seunghyun, that's my stuff! What the fuck are you doing?!" He pleaded, looking up at Seunghyun with the stale make-up that was still on his face from an earlier performance. The older man froze, staring down at the empty drawer before his hand left the items, moving to turn to face Jiyong. His deep-set eyes studied Jiyong's features, taking in the way the make-up tried to cover up the dark circles that developed underneath his eyes from sleepless nights. The fake smile wasn't stretched along his lips and he flicked his gaze to stare at Jiyong's confused and worried expression. Yet, he had to ask, he needed to know.
"Where are they." Seunghyun's voice was dangerously low and his eyes narrowed as he stared at Jiyong, who shifted under his stare, his bottom lip becoming trapped between his teeth.
"W-what are you talking about, hyung?" The grip he had on Seunghyun's black button-up collared shirt only tightened. Jiyong had to get out of this mess because, the feeling in his stomach made him think that he knew what was about to come next...and he wasn't ready for it. Jiyong felt the sudden need to run out of the room and get as far as he could underneath his covers, into the creases and folds so no one would see him. Jiyong immediately regretted the question, regretting his actions of ever returning to his room. Yet soon, the hand that held Seunghyun's shirt was empty, as the taller man pulled away, glaring at the fragile boy.
"You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about!" Seunghyun's voice nearly echoed through the walk-in closet, which only made Jiyong cower away. Yes...he did know what he was talking about and he wondered if he ran now, if the older one would catch him. Yet, Jiyong knew there was no way out of this. No matter how far he would run, it would always catch up to him, the proof was on his skin. Jiyong took a few steps back, staring at Seunghyun with a confused look as he shook his head slowly.
"I-I--" Yet by the way the simple letter slipped out of Jiyong's mouth, Seunghyun violently shoved the drawers off of the table, all of his pricey jewelry falling to the carpet and bouncing away from the duo, as if the silver and gold knew to run away.
"Where the fuck are the things you hurt yourself with! Where are they! I know you hide them somewhere, I know what the hell you do to yourself, Jiyong. Now tell me!" Seunghyun nearly roared, approaching the smaller boy. Tears stung in Jiyong's brown orbs as his eyes widened once again, staring at the hyung he trusted most, the one that had so much talent and poise...the one he just wanted to hide behind. He had never seen Seunghyun this mad...people always took him as such a scary person because of his looks, but, Jiyong knew better than that. Yet, when Seunghyun yelled, the musician felt like he was a grain of sand, ready to be blown away in seconds. Jiyong felt as if his heart would be ripped out in a moment, from how hard it was pounding at that very second. He stumbled as he took a step back, his hand reaching out to steady himself against the wall. Jiyong screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head.
"I-I d-don't know what you're t-talking about!" Fuck, why couldn't he speak in a decent, steady voice? Because he knew Seunghyun caught him, he knew it wasn't a secret anymore.
"Shit, Jiyong don't lie to me!" Seunghyun yelled, his heart clenching as he saw the condition of the younger boy leaned against the wall with tears that were threatening to slide down his cheeks. He couldn't stand the way Jiyong would lock himself in the room and the bathroom after meetings, practice, and interviews, to watch the rest of the members act like nothing was going on...Seunghyun knew better than that. Seunghyun couldn't be the strong one anymore, he couldn't stand to see the fake, cheerful look Jiyong would sport during performances and interviews. He had known Jiyong for years, knew his habits, when he was happy or sad...Jiyong was his best friend and he loved him. Seunghyun wanted to be the one that could help the boy but it made him so angry that Jiyong built such a thick wall around him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Seunghyun nearly pleaded in frustration, "Why aren't you happy? You have everything that you ever wanted! Money, fans, girls...why do you do this to yourself!?" Seunghyun needed to know, he needed to know the direct reason why Jiyong was hurting himself. He knew the look in his eye when Jiyong would play with a lighter, or the edge of a nail filer. "Do you honestly think you could keep this away from me?" He stepped closer to Jiyong so that they were face to face. Jiyong shook his head again, trying to control the tears from sliding down his cheeks as his chest tensed up, feeling a sob inch its' way up his throat. Seunghyun didn't know, the man had no idea. It wasn't the money, it wasn't the fans...he had came into this show business craving attention, ever since he was a kid, trying to receive the attention that no one would give him. People began to love GD, not Jiyong. Seunghyun did not understand, he didn’t understand the internal loneliness he felt, he couldn’t understand the way that Jiyong could no longer laugh along with his members, like he would in the past.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, Seunghyun!” Jiyong said in a tense voice, yet, the two both knew he was lying through his teeth. The small-framed man felt as he was going to throw up as his head was spinning. It had to be a nightmare; it had to be something, anything other than reality. Seunghyun stared at Jiyong at disbelief, not understanding why the other believed that his lies were convincing. Anger burst through his chest and he couldn’t understand why Jiyong was being so damn selfish. Seunghyun moved over to Jiyong, his hands gripping the boy’s shoulders tightly as he stared intensely into the other’s eyes.
“You have no idea what toll this is putting on the group, putting on me.” Seunghyun growled before suddenly beginning to pull apart the white button-up shirt that decorated Jiyong’s torso, the buttons popping and tearing off of the soft material. Jiyong immediately began to panic as Seunghyun’s large hands began to rip off his shirt and a sob squeezed through his throat as he tried to push the older man off of him.
“S-seunghyun sto-“ Another sob caught Jiyong short and he let out a yelp as Seunghyun pressed against him hard, pulling the shirt off of his arms and tossing the light material aside. Fingers begun to work at his leather belt and Jiyong cried out in panic, fingernails scratching along the front of Seunghyun’s hands, which were only pushed away forcefully. The two both knew Seunghyun was far too strong for Jiyong to push off and the frail man banged his fists on the older man’s shoulders, sobbing.
“H-hyung p-please!!” Jiyong begged in a cracked voice, his heart racing uncontrollably as his pants were tugged down. Seunghyun ignored Jiyong’s pleads and hitting, his eyes immediately leading down to Jiyong’s lower stomach and upper thighs. His hands began to tremble as he stepped back from the other, his eyes staring at the red and purple marks that decorated his once flawless, creamy skin. Seunghyun stared at Jiyong’s pale, exposed skin that housed burn marks, both fresh and old…along with cuts that were placed in no particular order, ranging from size and width. The taller man stumbled back as he stared, bile rising up to his throat before he swallowed it down. There was no way he could take it in, take in the harm that Jiyong had done to himself…and he wasn’t sure how to feel. Jiyong clasped his hand over his mouth and slid down the wall, his pants pooled around his ankles as his shoulders refused to stop shaking with silent sobs. Seunghyun wanted to take the thin man in his arms and hold him, tell him that everything was going to be okay…but it was the fact that reality was no where near okay that made Seunghyun stand his distance. This couldn’t be happening...to see their leader on the ground, so vulnerable and weak. Seunghyun was suddenly outside of the closet, quickly walking out of Jiyong’s room and slamming the door behind him.