The Time Traveler's Lover : Jack at 4 (Ennis' POV)
Inspired by The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The characters belong to Annie Proulx
Jack travels back and forth in time throughout the course of his life and encounters Ennis and himself - visits that change everything and almost nothing.
September 4, 2002
Ennis leaned on his daughter's arm as she helped him make his way the from clinic entrance to her car. He knew he wouldn't be going there again. Junior was somber but he was quiet only because he was thinking about the dream he'd had during the night, Jack sitting alone before a fire with a bottle of whiskey, wondering aloud where Ennis was. He tried to tell him he was right there next to him but his voice didn't reach Jack.
When Junior turned the key in the ignition music came out of the CD player. She moved to switch it off but he told her no, leave it. It was gentle, just a guitar and a man singing and he had a fine voice. The track ended and another started and neither of them spoke. He looked out his window and tried to pay attention to the words of the song because he didn't want to think about what Junior would say when they got home. He wanted to listen to that strong, clear voice now, because hers would be breaking soon.
The red traffic light was just a blur when they stopped before it two minutes later. Ennis was sure Jack was speaking to him. He closed his eyes to try and keep the tears from seeping out, but they came anyway when Junior reached for his hand. She held it until the light changed and the song ended. She switched the music off and they drove home in silence. He wished he could tell her he wasn't crying for the reason she thought.
That evening he lay on the couch with the Walkman while she rattled pans in the kitchen. She had handed him the CD when they got home at noon and he'd wondered about that. They'd hardly spoken since. He'd gone to his room to rest but spent most of the afternoon busy with a pad of paper. Now he really was resting. Kurt came home and lit a fire while he chatted with Ennis as though everything was normal, for which Ennis was grateful. When the fireplace was ablaze he went into the kitchen to join his wife.
Ennis was ready for Jack when he appeared, but his heart sank when he saw how young he was, too young to read. One look at his little face, though, and Ennis forgot that. He had been crying and there was an angry red patch on his upper arm. Ennis reached out and drew him toward the couch, whispering ssshhh, it's alright. He fished a tissue from his pocket and dabbed at Jack's tears, then put it to the boy's nose. "Blow," he said. After he'd stuffed the sodden tissue back in his pocket he shifted onto his side and pushed back against the cushions to make room, lifting the blanket up. Jack sat on the edge of the couch and then stretched out on his back in the narrow space next to Ennis, who let the blanket drop and tucked it around him. He put his thumb in his mouth and gazed around the room.
Ennis whispered in his ear, "You're too big to suck your thumb." Jack smiled around his thumb but didn't move it.
Ennis took the Walkman earphones from around his own neck and fitted them over Jack's head and onto his ears. He looked at Ennis quizzically.
"Just some music. It'll come along too late for you to hear it. Don't think you'll understand it but mebbe one day you'll remember some little thing."
Ennis advanced to the track and let it play. Jack closed his eyes and sucked his thumb. Ennis felt the warmth of the fire on his face and of Jack's small body against his own. He laid his arm gently over him and watched him listening, or not, to the music. Ennis dozed off, and awoke to find Junior bent over him, smiling. The earphones lay next to his head, emitting faint guitar chords, and the spot on the cushion by his chest was still warm.
I didn't know where to look for you last night
I didn't know where to find you
I didn't know how I could touch that light
That's always gathering behind you
I didn't know that I would find a way
To find you in the morning
But love can pull you out of yesterday
As it takes you without warning
I want to be a long time friend to you
I want to be a long time known
Not one of your memory's used-to-be's
A summer's fading song
It's from me, it's to you for your eyes
It's a weight, a wonder that is wise
I am here, you are there
Love is our cross to bear
I know I'll think of us upon that hill
With the golden moon arising
And the stars will fall around us still
As the love is realizing
And so it is until we meet again
And I throw my arms around you
You can count the gray hairs in my head
I'll still be thankful that I found you
It's from me, it's to you for your eyes
It's a weight, a wonder that is wise
I am here, you are there
Love is our cross to bear
Love is Our Cross to Bear, words and music by John Gorka, 1987
<< Jack at 15 months | Jack at 5 >>
The characters belong to Annie Proulx
Jack travels back and forth in time throughout the course of his life and encounters Ennis and himself - visits that change everything and almost nothing.
September 4, 2002
Ennis leaned on his daughter's arm as she helped him make his way the from clinic entrance to her car. He knew he wouldn't be going there again. Junior was somber but he was quiet only because he was thinking about the dream he'd had during the night, Jack sitting alone before a fire with a bottle of whiskey, wondering aloud where Ennis was. He tried to tell him he was right there next to him but his voice didn't reach Jack.
When Junior turned the key in the ignition music came out of the CD player. She moved to switch it off but he told her no, leave it. It was gentle, just a guitar and a man singing and he had a fine voice. The track ended and another started and neither of them spoke. He looked out his window and tried to pay attention to the words of the song because he didn't want to think about what Junior would say when they got home. He wanted to listen to that strong, clear voice now, because hers would be breaking soon.
The red traffic light was just a blur when they stopped before it two minutes later. Ennis was sure Jack was speaking to him. He closed his eyes to try and keep the tears from seeping out, but they came anyway when Junior reached for his hand. She held it until the light changed and the song ended. She switched the music off and they drove home in silence. He wished he could tell her he wasn't crying for the reason she thought.
That evening he lay on the couch with the Walkman while she rattled pans in the kitchen. She had handed him the CD when they got home at noon and he'd wondered about that. They'd hardly spoken since. He'd gone to his room to rest but spent most of the afternoon busy with a pad of paper. Now he really was resting. Kurt came home and lit a fire while he chatted with Ennis as though everything was normal, for which Ennis was grateful. When the fireplace was ablaze he went into the kitchen to join his wife.
Ennis was ready for Jack when he appeared, but his heart sank when he saw how young he was, too young to read. One look at his little face, though, and Ennis forgot that. He had been crying and there was an angry red patch on his upper arm. Ennis reached out and drew him toward the couch, whispering ssshhh, it's alright. He fished a tissue from his pocket and dabbed at Jack's tears, then put it to the boy's nose. "Blow," he said. After he'd stuffed the sodden tissue back in his pocket he shifted onto his side and pushed back against the cushions to make room, lifting the blanket up. Jack sat on the edge of the couch and then stretched out on his back in the narrow space next to Ennis, who let the blanket drop and tucked it around him. He put his thumb in his mouth and gazed around the room.
Ennis whispered in his ear, "You're too big to suck your thumb." Jack smiled around his thumb but didn't move it.
Ennis took the Walkman earphones from around his own neck and fitted them over Jack's head and onto his ears. He looked at Ennis quizzically.
"Just some music. It'll come along too late for you to hear it. Don't think you'll understand it but mebbe one day you'll remember some little thing."
Ennis advanced to the track and let it play. Jack closed his eyes and sucked his thumb. Ennis felt the warmth of the fire on his face and of Jack's small body against his own. He laid his arm gently over him and watched him listening, or not, to the music. Ennis dozed off, and awoke to find Junior bent over him, smiling. The earphones lay next to his head, emitting faint guitar chords, and the spot on the cushion by his chest was still warm.
I didn't know where to look for you last night
I didn't know where to find you
I didn't know how I could touch that light
That's always gathering behind you
I didn't know that I would find a way
To find you in the morning
But love can pull you out of yesterday
As it takes you without warning
I want to be a long time friend to you
I want to be a long time known
Not one of your memory's used-to-be's
A summer's fading song
It's from me, it's to you for your eyes
It's a weight, a wonder that is wise
I am here, you are there
Love is our cross to bear
I know I'll think of us upon that hill
With the golden moon arising
And the stars will fall around us still
As the love is realizing
And so it is until we meet again
And I throw my arms around you
You can count the gray hairs in my head
I'll still be thankful that I found you
It's from me, it's to you for your eyes
It's a weight, a wonder that is wise
I am here, you are there
Love is our cross to bear
Love is Our Cross to Bear, words and music by John Gorka, 1987
<< Jack at 15 months | Jack at 5 >>