A Way With Words - Chapter 30

[soulan]

Note: This chapter contains a scene I wrote for a Brokeback slash beach/water challenge a over a year ago that some of you may have read. Some details have changed because when I originally posted it, I'd only written a couple chapters of this story.

Comments

at last

[gargarmarmar]

Finally, some sex. Very hot even if it was just a hand job. I look forward to more. You do a great job describing how Ennis feels. I felt so sad for him that he was basically losing the Joe he knew.

Re: at last

[soulan]

Sorry, I know my sex scenes are usually few and far between. i'm working up to something major.

I just noticed that I left out what Kaj says when he comes, I think through an editing glitch, so it makes no sense that Ennis has "no time to wonder what he meant..." I added that back in, which you should read because it will be significant later.

Re: at last

[gargarmarmar]

thanks, I did go back and reread that part. I do have a question though. I was not clear who was speaking the phrase "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream" . Was it Ennis or Kaj? I took it to be Ennis, but want to be sure I got it right. An odd question to ask right after an orgasm.

Re: at last

[soulan]

Yes, it's Ennis. I didn't feel I needed to add an attribution to that because it was Ennis who was the focus in that instant when he rolled onto his back.

[mariez65]

I remember reading this and being intrigued, and, of course, it's even better within the context of the entire story. This really worked for me as a believable sort of "introduction to gay sex" for Ennis.

He felt he was crossing... no, he told himself, not a line, but a river to another shore. He could come back.

A great example of why the title of this story is so apt :) That's an excellent description of how I imagine Ennis would feel at that moment.

This was erotic,, but tbh, I haven't been champing at the bit for more sex in the story - it's not that I don't enjoy reading a good sex scene, lol; but, for me, they need to evolve naturally, as this did, and not just be thrown in as a matter of course. On to the next part ...

[soulan]

If you remember, in chapter 24b Joe described sexual orientation as being "like a river" whose course can be changed by some mysterious force. He believes that he can counteract it by sheer force of will. Ennis seems to have been influenced by that river metaphor but for him it's a "thing" that is outside himself which can be explored and returned from.

I'm glad to hear you're not impatient for more sex scenes. They don't come naturally to me; I have to rely on props to a certain extent, ones that have some deeper meaning for the reader. So the build up to the first big one involves introducing them here and there long before we get to it.

[lara_pinta]

I really liked the original version of this chapter and I have been waiting for it with eagerness; I am delighted to see that the original Kaj part of the chapter are left much as they were.

The sex scene is cleverly written and I thought these new lines really added to it "He felt he was crossing... no, he told himself, not a line, but a river to another shore. He could come back."

The ending with Ennis' icecream question, in context with the same question in the earlier chapter with Joe is one of the best pieces of writing I have ever read.

Thank you
Lorna

[soulan]

I'm actually trying to stay true to film canon with all these water references. Notice how often scenes are set by a stream or river or lake.

When I wrote the original one-shot, I had only the vaguest notion of what was going to happen between him and Joe to make Ennis ask that question in this scene. So I'm extra pleased that you're impressed!

[bbmiswear]

I'm back...and reading with (some what) full force now...although never enough time to read as much as I want! I've made it through chapter 30 and enjoyed it all so much. You have brought back so many memories for me - all the places you list, First Night, and Dana Hersey on TV38?! OMG what a blast from the past

[soulan]

Glad to know you're sticking with it and having blast remembering, Lisa. As I was researching stuff I kept running across things that I'd totally forgotten about... like Dana Hersey. Loved those old movies on the Channel 38 Movieloft that he presented. That clip of him in the Rat.... a few of those people he talked to I went to Emerson College with.

I found a calendar of Orpheum concerts from the 80s, which is how I knew to send them to see the Pretenders when they did. I even found a YouTube clip of a guy showing off his dorm room on the 17th floor of Warren Towers. Truly, I couldn't have written this story without the internet.

Now I'm off to continue chapter 41b...