The Time Traveler's Lover : Jack at 30
Inspired by The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The characters belong to Annie Proulx.
Jack travels back and forth in time throughout his life and encounters Ennis and himself - visits that change everything and almost nothing.
August 8, 1974
The evening sun was filtering golden through the leaves of the trees lining the dirt track as Jack’s truck climbed to the last hairpin turn before the trailhead. A stand of young aspens separated him from Ennis and he could see his figure flashing through the row of slender white trunks as he paced back and forth. The horses were out and saddled. For once he'd managed to meet Ennis in the middle of summer, even if it was for just two days. The day LD told him to attend the trade show in Denver in his place, he'd sent a letter special delivery to Ennis proposing they meet to fish for a couple of days after the fair. To his amazement, Ennis immediately replied on a postcard sent inside an envelope, stamped first class, suggesting a site. Jack wondered how he managed to get time off on such short notice but knew better than to ask.
Ennis didn’t smile when Jack pulled up next to him, simply yanked open the door before he’d even cut the motor. He took hold of him wordlessly and pulled him out of the cab, pushing him against the side of the pickup so hard his hat fell backwards into the truck bed. One elbow hooked around Jack’s neck, fingers gripping the crown of his head, and the other arm curved around his back as Ennis pressed against his body, squeezing him tightly. Jack felt lips and teeth on his neck, sucking and biting, then Ennis’ tongue swirling in his ear followed by whispered words he couldn’t make out. Ennis’ desperation startled him as did the smell and feel of sweat through their light shirts, the birdsong in the woods, the flickering of the green aspen leaves in the warm breeze. It had been years since he’d had Ennis in summer. When Ennis turned Jack’s head and kissed him he at last got his bearings, opened his mouth to the warm, seeking tongue and moaned. Soon Ennis' hands were fumbling at Jack's buckle, then pushing down his jeans. Jack gaped at him in astonishment as he sank to his knees. In the seconds after crying "oh god Ennis!" as his mouth engulfed him, before his brain fuzzed out, Jack wondered what had been going on at home in Riverton lately.
By the time they rose with the sun the next morning the only practical thing they'd done was unsaddle the horses and erect the tent a few yards from the truck. After a cold breakfast washed down with the tepid coffee left in Jack's thermos, they packed the horses and headed for a higher elevation. Two hours later, the sun was high and hot. They came upon a level stretch at the top of a grassy slope that dropped steeply down to a rushing stream and decided to rest if not camp there. They were both weary and sore from the night’s exertions, so they spread a horse blanket in the thick grass and lay down. As he felt sleep falling over him Jack tightened his arm around Ennis' waist and shunted the rest of his body to spoon closer. He noticed the scent of freshly cut hay that Ennis had brought up from the plains had grown stronger and his hair felt scratchy against his nose. When Ennis' body lost all solidity, Jack opened his eyes.
July 30, 1950
Shit! Godammit to hell! He shoved away the armful of hay he was embracing and rolled onto his back with a groan, hand over his eyes. Why now, when they had so little time together?
He brought his hand away from his brow and glanced around him. He was sprawled out in an unfamiliar hayloft. A horse huffed out a breath below him, and he became aware of the gentle sound of small shoes and hands tapping and grasping the wooden ladder rungs. Before he could think to hide himself, he spotted a mop of straw-colored hair rising slowly above the lip of the loft. A small boy's face appeared, his brown eyes peering at Jack's feet, then at his bare limbs -- Jack could swear he felt the hairs on his legs being tickled as his gaze traveled along them. Quickly he scooped some hay into his lap and braced himself on his elbows to get a better look at the boy, who appeared to be about Bobby's age. Despite his worry about being discovered, he couldn't help smiling at the boy's sweetly serious expression as he stood still, staring at Jack with round eyes.
"You look like a little sunrise there, with your yellow hair," Jack said. When the boy said nothing, he added "Think maybe you could find some clothes for me t'wear, cowboy?"
Without a word, the boy sank below the loft floor and a few moments later Jack saw his head reappear. He climbed all the way up this time, stepped into the hay and handed Jack a blue cotton shirt. Then he dropped down onto one knee next to him. He folded that leg under him and brought the other knee to his chin, hugging his leg and watching intently as Jack put on the shirt and buttoned it.
"Perfect fit," Jack grinned, and swiped with a finger the boy's knee where the skin was showing through a hole in the worn denim. "I'll take good care of it, won't let anything happen to it while I'm here."
A strange expression flitted over the boy’s face, and the next instant Jack heard a bell ringing from somewhere outside.
"Gotta go to lunch," the boy said as he rose to his feet. As he scrambled down the ladder he paused and popped his head back up. "I'll bring you some food," he whispered loudly. Then he was gone.
Jack lay back in the hay and closed his eyes, hoping that Ennis would still be asleep whenever he got back. He didn't want to give him a heart attack. From somewhere in the distance he heard Ennis' voice calling him. The inside of his eyelids suddenly turned red.
---------------------
"Jaack!.... Jaa-aack!"
Jack opened his eyes and and immediately shaded them with his hand; the sun was directly overhead. He was alone, his clothes underneath him, Ennis' shirt and hat discarded nearby. Ennis' voice came floating up from the bottom of the hill.
"I'm here!" Jack yelled. Some moments later he saw Ennis' bare head rising from the ground as he climbed the slope to where Jack was lying, sunlight shooting gold through his disheveled hair.
He walked over and stood above Jack, who squinted up at him, hand still shielding his eyes. A small smiled played around Ennis' mouth.
"Where ya been? Saw your clothes, thought you'd gone down there t'clean up. We need it bad enough," he added, smirking now.
"Nah. Just... went for a walk."
"Hmmm." Looking skeptical, Ennis dropped down on one knee next to Jack and showed him the wet bandanna in his hand. "Guess I'll hafta do it for you then," he said and wrung it out over Jack's chest.
"Hey!" Jack flinched at the cold water on his skin and tried to swat away his hands but Ennis, chuckling, grabbed his wrist and held on while he swiped the dark blue cloth over his chest and stomach. Jack relaxed under his ministrations and watched his face. When it was clear that Jack was not resisting this bath, Ennis released his hold and concentrated on his task, scrubbing downward, nudging him to spread his legs so he could gently wipe Jack's inner thighs. Jack's freed hand strayed to Ennis' knee and with his thumb he caressed the skin showing through the worn spot in his jeans, the few remaining white threads stretched across like a bald man's comb-over.
As Jack moved his thumb lazily back and forth, Ennis' hand slowed and his eyes lost their focus. His gaze traveled slowly up Jack's body from his thighs to his neck, then he lifted his eyes to Jack's and seemed to be looking through him. A memory of a tear-streaked face and anguished brown eyes flashed through Jack's mind. He gripped Ennis’ knee.
"Ennis, did you ever..." At that moment Jack heard the faint clanking of a bell. Ennis came out of his trance and turned his face toward the sound, which was coming from way off in the distance. At the top of the slope rising up from the opposite side of the stream a river of sheep, one undelineated mass of dirty fleece, came into view. In the middle was gray horse and a rider with a black hat.
Jack felt panic rise in him; his heart began hammering and his guts roiled with nausea. He mentally riffled through Ennis' every word of the last five minutes -- which reality did they match? At the sound of a horse's tail swishing behind him he tipped his head back and felt relief flood through him at the sight of Ennis' own horses still tethered some yards away. Reaching up, he grabbed Ennis' shoulders and pulled him forward so that he toppled onto Jack's body.
"He won't see us if we're lying down," he murmured in his ear, wrapping his arms around him. "Relax. We're too far away."
He felt Ennis' body sink slowly into his own as the nervous tension leaked out of it. His head rested on the ground next to Jack's, every exhale tickling his ear. A cloud passed in front of the sun and Jack could look up at the sky without squinting. A crow flew past directly overhead along the axis of their bodies, and he heard the fwoof... fwoof... fwoof of its wings in the quiet. The clank of the lead ewe's bell faded away and was gone.
"Did I ever what?" Ennis mumbled suddenly, his throat vibrating against Jack's shoulder.
"Did you have a secret hiding place when you were a kid?" It wasn't exactly the question he'd meant to ask, but now he wanted to know this.
Ennis was silent for so long that Jack wasn't sure he intended to answer. He traced swirls on his back with his fingernails, scratching, and Ennis sighed, rolling his shoulders.
"Higher."
Jack chuckled softly. Ennis' own fingernails were worked and bitten so short that he had to use his callused fingertips to give Jack that kind of relief.
"Only if you tell me where you used to hide from your daddy."
Jack felt the muscles between Ennis' shoulder blades bunch up. "Was KE I had to hide from, mostly. Hid in the stall of a horse that didn't like him. You?"
Brown eye in a knot hole.
"Wasn't nowhere I could hide from my daddy. He grew up there and knew every secret place already." As he traced tight circles up and down Ennis' back with his nails he felt him shift slightly to fit his body more snugly into Jack's. "Had a little burlap bag fulla stuff that I hid in my bedroom closet. Hung it on a nail in a little space at the back. Bet he did the same thing when he was a kid cause that was the only spot in the whole damn place that a grown man couldn't fit his arm into."
"What kinda stuff?"
Jack opened his hands and began brushing down Ennis' spine in long sweeping strokes, palms taking turns smoothing down from the nape of his neck to the small of his back.
"Things I found that reminded me of times I'd been happy," he said.
Ennis was perfectly still on top of him. Jack felt his breath on his neck, his chest pressing into his own each time he inhaled. He stilled his hands, keeping his arms tight around him. The sun shed its veil and beamed down on them. He turned his head to the side, afraid to close his eyes against the glare lest he become unmoored again. Ennis' hand was next to Jack's face, and he rested his cheek against his palm, felt his thumb stroke his eyebrow as Ennis pressed his face tight into Jack's neck. He felt fixed in place by Ennis' weight, made secure in this time. If he had this every day, then maybe…
He tried to will into Ennis’ caressing hand the words that could make that happen, to propel them through his arm and into his heart and out of his mouth. I love you. I miss you. Live with me.
Ennis stirred and his head lifted; Jack’s heart did the same. But Ennis just touched his lips to Jack's jaw, rolled off his body and lay down beside him. Jack sighed and closed his eyes, resigned. Then he felt Ennis' hand brush his and take it, lacing their fingers together.
What was the American president doing while Jack and Ennis were lying in the meadow ?
<< Jack at 29 | Jack at 31 >>
The characters belong to Annie Proulx.
Jack travels back and forth in time throughout his life and encounters Ennis and himself - visits that change everything and almost nothing.
August 8, 1974
The evening sun was filtering golden through the leaves of the trees lining the dirt track as Jack’s truck climbed to the last hairpin turn before the trailhead. A stand of young aspens separated him from Ennis and he could see his figure flashing through the row of slender white trunks as he paced back and forth. The horses were out and saddled. For once he'd managed to meet Ennis in the middle of summer, even if it was for just two days. The day LD told him to attend the trade show in Denver in his place, he'd sent a letter special delivery to Ennis proposing they meet to fish for a couple of days after the fair. To his amazement, Ennis immediately replied on a postcard sent inside an envelope, stamped first class, suggesting a site. Jack wondered how he managed to get time off on such short notice but knew better than to ask.
Ennis didn’t smile when Jack pulled up next to him, simply yanked open the door before he’d even cut the motor. He took hold of him wordlessly and pulled him out of the cab, pushing him against the side of the pickup so hard his hat fell backwards into the truck bed. One elbow hooked around Jack’s neck, fingers gripping the crown of his head, and the other arm curved around his back as Ennis pressed against his body, squeezing him tightly. Jack felt lips and teeth on his neck, sucking and biting, then Ennis’ tongue swirling in his ear followed by whispered words he couldn’t make out. Ennis’ desperation startled him as did the smell and feel of sweat through their light shirts, the birdsong in the woods, the flickering of the green aspen leaves in the warm breeze. It had been years since he’d had Ennis in summer. When Ennis turned Jack’s head and kissed him he at last got his bearings, opened his mouth to the warm, seeking tongue and moaned. Soon Ennis' hands were fumbling at Jack's buckle, then pushing down his jeans. Jack gaped at him in astonishment as he sank to his knees. In the seconds after crying "oh god Ennis!" as his mouth engulfed him, before his brain fuzzed out, Jack wondered what had been going on at home in Riverton lately.
By the time they rose with the sun the next morning the only practical thing they'd done was unsaddle the horses and erect the tent a few yards from the truck. After a cold breakfast washed down with the tepid coffee left in Jack's thermos, they packed the horses and headed for a higher elevation. Two hours later, the sun was high and hot. They came upon a level stretch at the top of a grassy slope that dropped steeply down to a rushing stream and decided to rest if not camp there. They were both weary and sore from the night’s exertions, so they spread a horse blanket in the thick grass and lay down. As he felt sleep falling over him Jack tightened his arm around Ennis' waist and shunted the rest of his body to spoon closer. He noticed the scent of freshly cut hay that Ennis had brought up from the plains had grown stronger and his hair felt scratchy against his nose. When Ennis' body lost all solidity, Jack opened his eyes.
July 30, 1950
Shit! Godammit to hell! He shoved away the armful of hay he was embracing and rolled onto his back with a groan, hand over his eyes. Why now, when they had so little time together?
He brought his hand away from his brow and glanced around him. He was sprawled out in an unfamiliar hayloft. A horse huffed out a breath below him, and he became aware of the gentle sound of small shoes and hands tapping and grasping the wooden ladder rungs. Before he could think to hide himself, he spotted a mop of straw-colored hair rising slowly above the lip of the loft. A small boy's face appeared, his brown eyes peering at Jack's feet, then at his bare limbs -- Jack could swear he felt the hairs on his legs being tickled as his gaze traveled along them. Quickly he scooped some hay into his lap and braced himself on his elbows to get a better look at the boy, who appeared to be about Bobby's age. Despite his worry about being discovered, he couldn't help smiling at the boy's sweetly serious expression as he stood still, staring at Jack with round eyes.
"You look like a little sunrise there, with your yellow hair," Jack said. When the boy said nothing, he added "Think maybe you could find some clothes for me t'wear, cowboy?"
Without a word, the boy sank below the loft floor and a few moments later Jack saw his head reappear. He climbed all the way up this time, stepped into the hay and handed Jack a blue cotton shirt. Then he dropped down onto one knee next to him. He folded that leg under him and brought the other knee to his chin, hugging his leg and watching intently as Jack put on the shirt and buttoned it.
"Perfect fit," Jack grinned, and swiped with a finger the boy's knee where the skin was showing through a hole in the worn denim. "I'll take good care of it, won't let anything happen to it while I'm here."
A strange expression flitted over the boy’s face, and the next instant Jack heard a bell ringing from somewhere outside.
"Gotta go to lunch," the boy said as he rose to his feet. As he scrambled down the ladder he paused and popped his head back up. "I'll bring you some food," he whispered loudly. Then he was gone.
Jack lay back in the hay and closed his eyes, hoping that Ennis would still be asleep whenever he got back. He didn't want to give him a heart attack. From somewhere in the distance he heard Ennis' voice calling him. The inside of his eyelids suddenly turned red.
---------------------
"Jaack!.... Jaa-aack!"
Jack opened his eyes and and immediately shaded them with his hand; the sun was directly overhead. He was alone, his clothes underneath him, Ennis' shirt and hat discarded nearby. Ennis' voice came floating up from the bottom of the hill.
"I'm here!" Jack yelled. Some moments later he saw Ennis' bare head rising from the ground as he climbed the slope to where Jack was lying, sunlight shooting gold through his disheveled hair.
He walked over and stood above Jack, who squinted up at him, hand still shielding his eyes. A small smiled played around Ennis' mouth.
"Where ya been? Saw your clothes, thought you'd gone down there t'clean up. We need it bad enough," he added, smirking now.
"Nah. Just... went for a walk."
"Hmmm." Looking skeptical, Ennis dropped down on one knee next to Jack and showed him the wet bandanna in his hand. "Guess I'll hafta do it for you then," he said and wrung it out over Jack's chest.
"Hey!" Jack flinched at the cold water on his skin and tried to swat away his hands but Ennis, chuckling, grabbed his wrist and held on while he swiped the dark blue cloth over his chest and stomach. Jack relaxed under his ministrations and watched his face. When it was clear that Jack was not resisting this bath, Ennis released his hold and concentrated on his task, scrubbing downward, nudging him to spread his legs so he could gently wipe Jack's inner thighs. Jack's freed hand strayed to Ennis' knee and with his thumb he caressed the skin showing through the worn spot in his jeans, the few remaining white threads stretched across like a bald man's comb-over.
As Jack moved his thumb lazily back and forth, Ennis' hand slowed and his eyes lost their focus. His gaze traveled slowly up Jack's body from his thighs to his neck, then he lifted his eyes to Jack's and seemed to be looking through him. A memory of a tear-streaked face and anguished brown eyes flashed through Jack's mind. He gripped Ennis’ knee.
"Ennis, did you ever..." At that moment Jack heard the faint clanking of a bell. Ennis came out of his trance and turned his face toward the sound, which was coming from way off in the distance. At the top of the slope rising up from the opposite side of the stream a river of sheep, one undelineated mass of dirty fleece, came into view. In the middle was gray horse and a rider with a black hat.
Jack felt panic rise in him; his heart began hammering and his guts roiled with nausea. He mentally riffled through Ennis' every word of the last five minutes -- which reality did they match? At the sound of a horse's tail swishing behind him he tipped his head back and felt relief flood through him at the sight of Ennis' own horses still tethered some yards away. Reaching up, he grabbed Ennis' shoulders and pulled him forward so that he toppled onto Jack's body.
"He won't see us if we're lying down," he murmured in his ear, wrapping his arms around him. "Relax. We're too far away."
He felt Ennis' body sink slowly into his own as the nervous tension leaked out of it. His head rested on the ground next to Jack's, every exhale tickling his ear. A cloud passed in front of the sun and Jack could look up at the sky without squinting. A crow flew past directly overhead along the axis of their bodies, and he heard the fwoof... fwoof... fwoof of its wings in the quiet. The clank of the lead ewe's bell faded away and was gone.
"Did I ever what?" Ennis mumbled suddenly, his throat vibrating against Jack's shoulder.
"Did you have a secret hiding place when you were a kid?" It wasn't exactly the question he'd meant to ask, but now he wanted to know this.
Ennis was silent for so long that Jack wasn't sure he intended to answer. He traced swirls on his back with his fingernails, scratching, and Ennis sighed, rolling his shoulders.
"Higher."
Jack chuckled softly. Ennis' own fingernails were worked and bitten so short that he had to use his callused fingertips to give Jack that kind of relief.
"Only if you tell me where you used to hide from your daddy."
Jack felt the muscles between Ennis' shoulder blades bunch up. "Was KE I had to hide from, mostly. Hid in the stall of a horse that didn't like him. You?"
Brown eye in a knot hole.
"Wasn't nowhere I could hide from my daddy. He grew up there and knew every secret place already." As he traced tight circles up and down Ennis' back with his nails he felt him shift slightly to fit his body more snugly into Jack's. "Had a little burlap bag fulla stuff that I hid in my bedroom closet. Hung it on a nail in a little space at the back. Bet he did the same thing when he was a kid cause that was the only spot in the whole damn place that a grown man couldn't fit his arm into."
"What kinda stuff?"
Jack opened his hands and began brushing down Ennis' spine in long sweeping strokes, palms taking turns smoothing down from the nape of his neck to the small of his back.
"Things I found that reminded me of times I'd been happy," he said.
Ennis was perfectly still on top of him. Jack felt his breath on his neck, his chest pressing into his own each time he inhaled. He stilled his hands, keeping his arms tight around him. The sun shed its veil and beamed down on them. He turned his head to the side, afraid to close his eyes against the glare lest he become unmoored again. Ennis' hand was next to Jack's face, and he rested his cheek against his palm, felt his thumb stroke his eyebrow as Ennis pressed his face tight into Jack's neck. He felt fixed in place by Ennis' weight, made secure in this time. If he had this every day, then maybe…
He tried to will into Ennis’ caressing hand the words that could make that happen, to propel them through his arm and into his heart and out of his mouth. I love you. I miss you. Live with me.
Ennis stirred and his head lifted; Jack’s heart did the same. But Ennis just touched his lips to Jack's jaw, rolled off his body and lay down beside him. Jack sighed and closed his eyes, resigned. Then he felt Ennis' hand brush his and take it, lacing their fingers together.
What was the American president doing while Jack and Ennis were lying in the meadow ?
<< Jack at 29 | Jack at 31 >>