One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 5 Part 2
Here's the second part.
Again, I apologise for the subpar quality. Seriously, nothing happens in this Chapter.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy...
Disclaimers and warning from part 1 still apply.
"Guah!"
The Voice: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, STOP TYPING THAT RIGHT NOW! ARGH!
Chase fell to the floor, but stood right back up,
Nagare: *Facepalm* Yes, he’s perfectly alright after being caught in the middle of a tornado. And yes, he’s perfectly capable of keeping his footing whilst being in the middle of a tornado.
Mantra: Are you sure this Stuthor isn’t writing under a word limit? What is the point of spending all that time describing the awesome wind powers and the huge freaking tornado if that’s his reaction to it? I’ve seen people react with more drama to paper cuts!
"You're strong. Why you with this so called Shark King?" Chase asked.
Nagare: *Takes deep breath* WHAT DOES HIS STRENGTH HAVE TO DO WITH WHO HE WORKS UNDER? YOU HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN THE SHARK KING BEFORE! SO WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO COMMENT ON THE PROPERNESS OF SERVING UNDER HIM? IF YOU’RE IMPLYING THAT HE’S TOO STRONG TO NOT STRIKE OUT ON HIS OWN, THEN WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FOLLOWING YOUR CAPTAIN AROUND? THERE’S MORE TO AUTHORITY THAN PHYSICAL STRENGTH! MAYBE HE HAS AWESOME POWERS (WHICH DON’T WORK ON YOU, BY THE WAY), BUT SUCKS AT MANAGING A SHIP? IT DOES TAKE A LOT OF LOGISTICS TO MAKE A SHIP SAIL, YOU KNOW! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT QUESTION?
Mantra: Man, you sure rant a lot in this fic, don’t you? I want Rebecca back. *Pouts* At least I get priority ranting rights there. Why can’t I do the last chapter? I have so many nice and long rants for that chapter!
The Voice: If we give you a fic where a strong, capable young girl is ENSLAVED, and is immediately made meek and subordinate, you will likely gain enough power through pure rage to rip yourself out of this sporking. And that would be tragic.
Mantra: Well, damn.
"Because he's strong. I'm not the one to lead, I learned this from experience. So now I find people who are strong and wish to serve under them."
Nagare: PRECISELY!
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* Wow, someone’s actually making sense in this fic. Ignoring the bad grammar, that’s a very legitimate reason. *Looks up* I wonder how the Organization’s dealing with all the flying pigs…
The Voice: …I’m very surprised you’re not making a comment about how he ‘likes’ strong men and wish to ‘serve’ under them…especially after the innuendos at the end of the last chapter…
Mantra: Oh? *Flips through previous sporkings* *Chuckles* Ah, I love it when Stuthor’s show their butt…
Nagare: …Never say that again. Seriously. No.
"Really?" Chase asked with his head tilted.
Mantra: Instead of asking with his voice. Impressive.
Nagare: …Weren’t these people supposed to be fighting? Why are they all friendly chatter now? Seriously, aren’t they supposed to be trying to kill each other?
Mantra: Are you asking for good pacing in a Stu fic?
Nagare: *Groans* Why can’t I get some good fucking writing…
Mantra: Because good writing isn’t very sporkable. Regrettable, I know.
"What happens if they lose?" David asked with his hand raised.
Nagare: Oh, fan-fucking-tastic. They’re in a fucking classroom now. Hello? He’s a trained assassin! They don’t talk with their targets! They get in, kill the little fuckers, and then get out as quickly as possible! What the fuck is with all this banter?
Mantra: Hey! Banter in fights are awesome! They just have to actually be funny! What you shouldn’t have is fucking EXPOSITION in the middle of a fight scene! It bogs the whole thing down and absolutely ruins tension!
Nagare: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT! BAD FUCKING PACING!
"Then I join the crew that won a fight, or took them over." Avery explained.
Nagare: …how on earth do you take over a fight?
Mantra: I’m pretty sure that’s bad writing, but it’s hard to tell, given how coherent this fic is. *Shakes head* I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Rebecca Sherwood has better writing than this.
Nagare: And he joins the crew that wins A fight? A SINGLE FIGHT? That’s all it takes for him to join them? Well, his standards are pretty low…
Mantra: Look at his intelligence level! How many fights do you think he’s won so far?
Nagare: Well, the rest of the people in this universe are just as idiotic…And how does working for the winner translate to taking over the winner’s crew? Didn't he say he’s not born to lead? Didn't he just admit that he prefers to follow? CONSISTENCY, DAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH STUTHORS AND CONSISTENCY?
Mantra: Nah, he’s too busy masturbating to his own awesomeness.
Nagare: *Facepalm* I hate it when you make sense…
"Well now you are going to be joining my crew!" David smiled with a thumb pointed at himself.
Nagare: …Wow.
Mantra: Huh. Wow.
Nagare: …Didn't you just say you wanted a chance to rant? Well, here’s your chance. Take it. I’m too disgusted to say anything.
Mantra: Fine. *Sighs* This is not going to be good on my vocal chords…WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK, STUTHOR? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUR ‘HEROES’ WANDERING AROUND DOING? THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE! LET’S START WITH THE OBVIOUS, SHALL WE? AVERY JUST ADMITTED THAT HE WORKS FOR THE STRONGEST! AND YET THEY ARE EAGER TO HAVE HIM ON THEIR CREW? HE’S NOT PARTICULARLY STRONG, DESPITE HAVING A DAMNED IMPRESSIVE POWER, AND THEY ARE CLEARLY CONFIDENT THAT THEIR FIRST MATE CAN EASILY OUTMATCH HIM! SO THEY DON’T FUCKING NEED HIM! AND HAVING SOMEONE ON YOUR CREW WHOSE LOYALTIES ARE IN QUESTION IS STUPID! ANYTIME THEY GET ATTACKED BY ANOTHER CREW AND GET TAKEN BY SURPRISE, ONE OF THEIR OWN IS GOING TO TURN AGAINST THEM! AND HE’LL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEIR POWERS ARE AND HOW IT WORKS! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE SUCH A SMALL CREW, YOU DON’T JUST LET ANYONE JOIN! AND HE’S SPENT THE FIRST HALF OF THE CHAPTER TRYING HIS DAMNED HARDEST TO KILL THEM! HE’S ACTIVELY WORKING FOR THEIR ENEMY! HOW DO THEY KNOW IF HE’S NOT A SPY? HOW DO THEY KNOW THEY CAN TRUST HIM WITH ANYTHING? WHY DO THEY EVEN WANT HIM ON THEIR CREW? HE’S A TRAINED ASSASSIN! HIS ONLY SKILL IS IN KILLING PEOPLE! THESE PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ‘HEROES’! WHY THE FUCK DO THEY NEED AN ASSASSIN WORKING FOR THEM?
SECONDLY, DO YOU NOTICE A PATTERN HERE? EVERY DAMNED NEW CREW MEMBER THEY GET IS WON THROUGH FIGHTING! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? IT MEANS THEY CAN’T GAIN THE LOYALTY OF SOMEONE UNLESS THEY BEAT THEM UP! IT MEANS THAT PHYSICALLY HURTING PEOPLE WILL MAGICALLY MAKE THEM LIKE YOU AND WANT TO WORK FOR YOU! PIRATES DON’T WORK THAT WAY! ONE PIECE PIRATES ESPECIALLY DON’T WORK THAT WAY! THE MAIN CHARACTERS GO AROUND PICKING UP CREW MEMBERS, BUT THEY RARELY RECUIT THE FUCKING ENEMY! AND WHEN THEY DO, IN THE CASE OF FRANKY, IT’S ALWAYS AFTER THE ENEMY SHOWS REGRET OVER HIS ACTIONS AND SHOW A GENUINE DESIRE TO BECOME GOOD! HERE? AVERY DOESN’T DISPLAY THE LEAST AMOUNT OF GUILT OVER HIS MURDERS! HE STILL THINKS KILLING IS PERFECTLY FINE! AND YET THE ‘HEROES’ WANT HIM ON THEIR TEAM! DO YOU NOT FUCKING SEE WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE?
THIRDLY, GOD HOW ARROGANT CAN THESE LITTLE FUCKWADS GET? ARROGANCE IS NOT NICE! CONFIDENCE IS ATTRACTIVE AND LOVELY, AND WE SEE CONFIDENCE IN THE MAIN CHARACTER ,BUT THIS RIGHT HERE IS NOT CONFIDENCE! IT’S FUCKING ARROGANCE! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE! AND THIS MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH YOUR CHARACTER’S FACE IN! GAH!
At least in this case, the person they’re recruiting isn’t selling himself into slavery. At least he’s making it clear that he’ll abandon them the moment someone stronger comes along…Though given how this is a Stu fic, I doubt that will happen soon…And at least he’s already a pirate by the time they pick him up…Damn, I want to rant at the scene where they enslave Riru. I’ve got such an amazing rant lined up for it…
Nagare: *Slow clap* I think that’s the longest rant yet. We should really start grading fics on how long the rants it evokes are. Well, let’s move on. I don’t think there’s anything more to say to that little piece of shit.
"Why's that?" Avery asked.
Nagare: *Slowly* You have just been fighting with them. You just told them you work for the strongest side. They told you that you’re going to be working for them soon. THEY ARE GOING TO FUCKING BEAT YOU UP AND THEN ENSLAVE YOU! There! Is that enough hammering to get it through your thick skull?
Mantra: *Tiredly* Yeah, yeah, let’s move on. Damn, that rant took a lot out of me…
"Because you're about to lose to Chase who is my First Mate, meaning you'll have to join us."
Nagare: God, the arrogance. *Rubs head* I haven’t wanted to bitch-slap someone this badly for a long time…
Mantra: I’ll just take solace in the fact that no canon characters show up, so at least characterisation warping will be minimal. *Grits teeth* Unlike that Rebecca bitch…
"If you can't beat the First Mate then how can you beat the Captain?" Riru asked.
Nagare: I…God, how many times do I have to say this? Even in One Piece, authority does not necessarily equal asskicking! It’s entirely conceivable to have someone who may be able to beat Luffy, but will lose miserably to Zoro! For example, someone who uses a fucking SWORD! AND STRENGTH ALONE DOES NOT QUALIFY SOMEONE FOR THE POSITION OF CAPTAIN! LUFFY DIDN’T BECOME THE CAPTAIN BY BEATING ALL OF HIS CREW MEMBERS UP! HE DID IT BY HAVING A GOAL, BEING OPTIMISTIC, BEING BRAVE AND HEROIC, AND EVENTUALLY BECOMING RESPONSIBLE AND MAKING TOUGH DECISIONS!
Mantra: And no, you have no right to ignore these issues because this fanfic is published in 2011. You’ve seen the fight with Usopp. You’ve seen Luffy make the decision to burn Going Merry. You have no right to ignore the fact that a Captain has responsibilities, and physical strength isn’t going to help him a single bit when he has to make unpopular decisions. *Shakes head* How can you not get One Piece? The thing’s as blatant and straightforward as it gets!
Nagare: And why would he even need to beat the Captain? He works for the strongest side! If even one member of the crew can beat him up, especially in a crew this small, then he would defect to their side! *Holds head* It hurts to be around stupid people…
Mantra: You think you’d have gotten used to it after so many years in the Organization…
"Hmph, good point. That doesn't mean I'm going to give up though!"
Nagare: WHAT THE FUCK IS HE GOING TO GIVE UP ON? They JUST proposed that he fight with the First Mate, and if they won, he has to join them! The fight’s barely begun, and both combatants are relatively unscathed! They literally JUST proposed the deal! I get saying that he won’t give up when the fight’s close to finished, and we have a clear idea of who’s going to win, but now? When the fight’s barely even started?
Mantra: Half the Chapter’s gone. *Shrugs* Plus, we do know who’s going to win. What, you think the Stuthor’s actually going to allow his avatars to be defeated? *Scoffs*
Avery remarked as he got ready to keep fighting.
Nagare: …And what does that entail, precisely?
Mantra: Plenty of stretching and lubrication, I would believe.
"Anyways, you ready to continue?
Nagare: *Distracted by the fic* HE’S PREPARING TO KEEP FIGHTING! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?
You just might be the only way we'll get to Shark King."
Nagare: Oh, for the love of- You mean to tell me these guys have literally done NOTHING so far to try and find the Shark King? They were just loitering around waiting for a Deus Ex Machina to drop from the skies?
The Voice: Actually, yes. You are more accurate than you think.
Nagare: *Slams head against table*
"Why you wanna get to Shark King?" Avery asked.
Mantra: (Stus) *Shamefully* Well, I’ve always been a furry…
The Voice: Given the previous characterisation, the more plausible reaction is actually: (Stus) Well, I have this new nail-ripping machine that I want to try out, and I heard that fishmen make the most lovely screams when their fingers are being crushed…
Nagare: And they are our heroes?
Mantra: After that little bit where they try to get a TRAINED ASSASSIN to work for them, are you really surprised?
"Because he's trying to take over East Blue!" David yelled, "That's not right! For that he deserves to get his butt kicked! This is my home!"
Nagare: …THAT’S the reason why they want to take him down?
Mantra: No. I’m not ranting again. I’ve just did a full page rant. I deserve some rest, okay? Just because I like priority ranting rights, doesn’t mean I now have ranting obligations!
The Voice: Very well. I’ve been itching to rant for some time. Actually, here’s a list for you:
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* Impressive length. Though you didn’t use nearly enough Capslock.
Nagare: Eh, I like what it did better. At least my ears don’t have to suffer for it.
"Hmph, so he's angered you and now you want to fight him?"
Nagare: Yes. That’s precisely it. They’re fighting him because he annoys them. No other reason.
Avery asked, "You do know he's a Shichibukai!"
"I don't care if he's a Sichichuki!" David smiled.
Mantra: ‘Smiled’. That verb coupled with that sentence rubs me the wrong way. That right there is kicking up the arrogance to a height hitherto unforseen. It’s not just mere arrogance now, it’s verging on HUBRIS.
Nagare: *Sharp glance at Mantra* I suppose it’s too much to hope that Zeus shows up and smites the little sociopathic bastards?
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* I was thinking that Thor would like to do the honour, seeing as the Stu had the audacity to name one of his attacks after him, the GOD of Thunder. But I suppose Zeus works just as well. He’d even rape the bastards before killing them!
Nagare: *Turns slightly green* Gah…Forget I ever suggested that.
"Shichibukai." Chase corrected.
Nagare: …That was a deliberate mistake? Wow…I didn’t even notice it amongst all the spelling errors. Fail, Stuthor. Fail.
"Whatever." David replied with his back turned.
Mantra: Presenting them with a nice view of his a-
Nagare: No! God, I know this is how you deal with stupidity, but can you at least consider my feelings?
Mantra: Oh, but I am ‘considering’ you! Why, I ‘consider’ you all day long!
Nagare: *Stares* You can make any word dirty, can’t you?
Mantra: *Smirks* Is that a challenge?
Nagare: *Quickly turns back to fic* And what is he doing turning his back to the enemy? Is he showing how much he doesn’t care? How little he thinks of his opponent’s ability? Well, we’ve only seen him in one fight so far, and that one he won by pulling a super power out of his ass at the last minute! So I don’t buy this whole ‘he’s a total badass’ thing! This just makes him look both stupid AND pompous! *Shakes head* I say we get Zeus and Thor to tag-team. It’d be unfair to leave either of them out.
Mantra: Ooh! Nice! And they can have passionate comfort sex afterwards…
Nagare: GAH! DO NOT WANT! Seriously, what the FUCK? Zeus and Thor?
Mantra: Hey! There’s Kreacher/Giant Squid porn!
Nagare: …I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m not going to find out.
"Anyways lets keep going!" Avery rushed at Chase,
Nagare: …*Facepalm* Way to destroy the tension there.
Mantra: I’m half convinced the villain is under contractual obligations to NEVER take the heroes by surprise. The lengths he go to, to ensure the heroes are prepared for his assault, is amazing. He’s certainly far more honourable in combat than our beloved protagonists.
The Voice: By itself, that sentence almost looks like it came out of a smut fic…
Mantra: *Pouts* First, Nagare takes my place as Canon Defender, and now you’re replacing me as Innuendo Finder? That’s just spiteful!
who saw the whole thing.
Nagare: …Seeing as he’s not blind, you know, doesn’t it go without saying that he sees things? I mean, really? What’s that even doing there? You have time to put that useless little tid bit there, but can’t properly describe the characters’ actions during a supposedly intense fight scene? What the fuck is up with your priorities, Stuthor?
Mantra: He’s a Stuthor. What do you think is up with his priorities? The thing we should be asking here is exactly what did the Stu see? There seems to be a deliberate break between David turning around and showing off his assets, and Avery and Chase resuming their fight. What happened there? *Raises eyebrow*
Nagare: …You really don’t have to double your efforts in finding Innuendo to prove that you can still do it, you know.
Mantra: I know. It’s just fun. *Shrugs* And I can’t let that bitch take over my job! It’s the only thing keeping me going at times.
It was like he was running normally.
Mantra: Instead of running abnormally?
This was thanks to both of them eating fruits that allow them speed.
Nagare: *Facepalm* I know I should be used to the awkward phrasing, but goddamn it, this still hurt. YOU HAVE FREAKING SPEED WITHOUT DEVIL FRUITS! THEY MAKE YOU FASTER! THEY DON’T GRANT YOU THE POWERS OF MOBILITY! And how does being able to move faster automatically make you more perceptive?
As Avery got close Chase vanished and a bolt of lightning struck down right in front of Avery.
Nagare: What?
Mantra: Apparently, despite both of them supposedly having super speed, and despite the fact that Avery clearly shows signs of being faster than the Stu, he managed to pull even more Super Speed out of his ass, and move so fast that Avery can’t see him. Because the Stu does everything better than everyone else.
Nagare: I was talking about the whole lightning bolt business. What was even the point of that? Why would he have lightning strike where he was standing before? If he could conjure lightning bolts out of the blue, why hasn’t he fried Avery yet? What the fuck are they doing?
Mantra: Hey, they love dragging fights out! How can he properly enjoy Avery’s pain if the fights over in one second?
Nagare: The annoying thing is that Avery seems to be dragging the fight out as well. For kicks, presumably.
"Last Second Lightning." Chase smirked as he then appeared behind Avery,
Nagare: Yeah. That doesn’t make sense.
Mantra: Has anything made sense so far?
"Lightning Current!" Chase released an electrical current that pushed Avery forward causing him to faulter some.
Nagare: …That’s not how electricity works. Seriously, no. I may not know much about physics, but I do know that is not how it works.
Mantra: If he released a lightning bolt at Avery like that, Avery wouldn’t be pushed forward. The electrical current would go THROUGH him and fry him on the spot! Lightning doesn’t have mass! It’s a bolt of ENERGY!
Avery jumped and began to spin.
Nagare: Why the FUCK is he still alive? He’s just been shot through with lightning! And what the FUCK is he doing SPINNING? What purpose does that serve? What, he got fried with lightning, so he decided to spontaneous take up ballet-dancing?
"Tornado Kick!" A tornado began to arise
Nagare: Okay, here’s what I don’t get. Why does Avery have to spin to generate wind, but the Stu doesn’t have to make any kind of preparation when he summons lightning? They both have equal affinity for their powers, so why does Avery’s powers take so long to evoke, but the Stu’s doesn’t?
Mantra: *Patiently* Master, you are reading a Stu Fic. Of course, the Stu’s power is better than everyone else’s. How else can the Stuthor wank to his own superiority?
as Chase just stood there and held out one hand.
Nagare: …That. Is it. This person has never been near a tornado in his life. Tornadoes suck the air away from its surrounding! It creates freaking VACUUMS! There is no fucking way the Stu can keep calm like that! There is no fucking way he isn’t being torn to bits! Goddamn it, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE DEAD?
Mantra: I suppose the Stuthor saw how some of the main characters in One Piece are Made Of Iron, and decided to make ALL of his characters like that. The only problem being that his prose is so bland, it honestly sounds like his Stus are completely unscathed after a fight like that. We don’t hear them ever bleeding, getting bruises, their injuries interfering with battle…we don’t even hear them being tired after three consecutive fights. So, it falls flat on its face, like everything else in the fic.
"Lightning Flash!" With that a flash of lightning blinded everyone and Avery fell to the ground.
Nagare: Oh, he does it NOW. *Spits*
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* Did he seriously defeat him by flashing him?
Nagare: …Mantra? Just…stop . Now.
"You think...I'm done?" Avery asked whil struggling to stand.
Nagare: THUNDERBOLT! RIGHT THROUGH HIM! WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL CONSCIOUS?
Mantra: And why is he even trying so hard, anyways? The Stu has proved beyond a shadow of doubt that he can kill him, if he wants to. He clearly said that he works for the strongest side. So why isn’t he defecting? You’d think that would be preferable to death.
"Wow, you are strong!" David said in awe wih Riru in unison.
Nagare: *Rubs head* What is even the purpose of those two in this fic? If your characters don’t have any purpose except delivering dry commentary, then FIND SOMETHING FOR THEM TO DO! Character have a purpose! They are supposed to be NECESSARY to the story! When you can take two main characters out and have things play out exactly the same way, YOU ARE FUCKING DOING SOMETHING WRONG!
Mantra: At least they’re admitting that it’s not usual for someone to survive being struck by lightning.
Nagare: Well, it’s too little, too late! AND PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK IN UNISON UNLESS THEY REHEARSED IT! Character especially shouldn’t speak in unison! They are supposed to have distinct personalities, individual reactions! They’re supposed to be PEOPLE! If you’re so desperate to drive up your word count that you give your characters practical immortality and lobotomies to drag actions scenes out, then why can’t you spare a few sentences to describe your character’s reactions? Gah!
Mantra: The thing is, Stu’s aren't people. They horrible monsters that take up residence in canon and corrupt all they touch. They feast upon praise and attention, and is not above warping someone’s mind in order to gain it. *Grimly* That’s why the PPC got set up, you know.
Nagare: Well, these things deserve to be hunted down and killed.
Mantra: I know. Don’t worry. We’ll be doing exactly that soon.
"Well I can say that you've impressed my Avery.
Nagare: …They’re already referring to Avery as their property. Wow.
Mantra: Who is he talking to, anyways? Did anyone do anything that might impress Avery? Or is the Stu talking to himself now?
Nagare: Talking to himself about how Awesome he is, no less. *Groans*
Too bad I'm going to have to hurry up and end this."
Nagare: What, he WANTS to drag this out? He WANTS to prolong Avery’s suffering? He enjoys battering someone around?
Mantra: Quite frankly, yes.
Nagare: And he regrets that he won’t be able to do it again?
Mantra: *Nods*
Nagare: …Well, let’s see how much they like it when I get around to toying with them.
Chase pointed one finger at the sky, then aimed it at Avery.
Mantra: *Sighs* Even his posing isn’t original.
Nagare: And he just has to end the fight the most dramatic way possible. There’s no need for him to gesture before summoning lightning, the only reason he’s doing this is to garner himself attention. No, they weren’t fighting for their lives! They were putting on a goddamned show for the audience! And a piss-poor one at that!
With in a flash of light Chase's finger was touching Avery's shoulder,
Nagare: …What?
"Lightning Beam!" With that Chase shot out a burst of elctricity that ripped through Avery's shoulder causing him to collapse.
Nagare: Seriously, what? Why would he need to get near Avery at all? He can summon freaking lightning bolts! Why would he need to get near his opponent and make himself vulnerable to their attacks? And why the fuck is he still breaking out the big guns? The dude was swaying around, barely coherent, clearly too weak to fight back! THIS is the ideal occasion to be foregoing your powers and sticking to fisticuffs! And you still fry him with lightning? Are you trying to gain a new crew member, or are you trying to murder him?
Mantra: Remember what you just said? Everything we’ve seen is some kind of twisted freak show starring the Stu and Avery. He’s just showing off here.
"Hey Riru, maybe you should come treat him!" Chase yelled.
Nagare: Yes, MAYBE.
Mantra: Pft, come on! He’s only gotten hit by lightning a couple of times! Of course, he’s perfectly fine!
"Yay we have a new crew member!" David celebrated as he and Riru ran over to look at Avery.
Mantra: *Suddenly sombre* Yes, you go ahead and celebrate how you just enslaved another person and roped them into piracy. You go right ahead and do that.
Nagare: When the Stuthor said ‘look’, I imagined David and Riru gawking at Avery’s charred corpse like a little kid at zoo…and somehow, that is so in-character…
"He was strong, now he's going to have to take us to where the Shark King is." Chase informed.
Nagare: THEY SAW THE BLOODY FIGHT! YOU DON’T HAVE TO INFORM THEM ANYTHING! THEY WERE BLOODY THERE!
Mantra: THAT’S what you’re angry about? What about the whole ‘he WAS strong’ thing? As soon as someone is defeated ,they automatically become a pussy? Because the Stus have Deus Ex Machina Game Breaker powers, that somehow negates Avery’s accomplishment? And see how Avery doesn’t have a choice in this at all? He’s GOING to take them to the Shark King whether HE LIKES IT OR NOT. And notice how they only got him on the crew because they could USE him, because he can BENEFIT them. This is a ONE PIECE fic, and the main characters are befriending someone because he’s USEFUL. They want to USE him.
Nagare: Thank you, I was trying to ignore that.
"I hope the Shark King is strong!" David chuckled as he watched Riru poke Avery with a stick.
The Voice: What the fuck is fucking up with these people and defiling corpses? Do you think it’s cute? Do you think it’s ENDEARING? It’s not! It is fucking NOT! That is not funny or cute in any fucking way! Their opponent is already defeated! He’s already completely defenceless! Doing that is just rubbing it in! This is the height of sociopathy, and I DO NOT FUCKING CONDONE THIS!
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* I wonder if the little bitch actually did this all the time, or if she only started after joining the Stus. We’ve seen exactly this kind of behaviour from them, and I wonder if they’re surreptitiously brainwashing new recruits between chapters.
Nagare: Well, it would explain the jumpy scene breaks at least.
"He's not dead Riru!
Nagare: WELL, HE SHOULD BE!
Mantra: He was JUST yelling for the medic to heal him. Why on earth would they assume he was dead?
Nagare: I don’t care. He should be dead, dammit.
Mantra: Eh, Deus Ex Machina.
Just heal him!" Chase barked.
Mantra: Seriously, what do you expect her to do? The guy’s been hit by lightning several times over, once straight through his CHEST! If he’s not dead yet, then he’s definitely beyond the medicine of the One Piece universe! It might make some sense if Riru has healing powers, but her power was SUPER SPEED! So, what on earth do you expect her to do? Turn into Jesus?
Nagare: And don’t you love how they order her around? When has Luffy ever needed to resort to screaming orders at his crew? For all your flaunting of your ‘badassery’, you certainly still depend on physical measure to keep your crew in place. Why the fuck is the little bitch so loyal to them?
Mantra: Don’t ask me. *Growls*
"Gosh no need to yell." David and Riru pouted as they backed away from Chase.
Mantra: And they just OBEY. Because god forbid anyone try to cross the Stu. SHOW SOME BACKBONE, DAMMIT!
Nagare: In unison, too. Do these people have any distinction between them? At this point, you can swap their names around and no one will even notice!
Mantra: Because they’re all pussies.
"Whatever." He remarked, "Let's just get ready to go."
Nagare: Get ready to go? They’re LEAVING?
Mantra: Of course, they are. You don’t expect them to actually try healing Avery, do you? After all, he dared to annoy the Mighty Stus. A painful death is the least he deserves.
Nagare: He spent the last half-page yelling at Riru to bloody heal him, and then he suddenly just drops the matter? For no reason at all? I know Avery is doomed with his injuries, but he’s not even going to try anymore? A guy is bleeding out at his feet, and he’s just going to MOVE ON? *Shakes head* I’ve seen Organization Agents with more empathy than this…
"Go where?" David asked curiously.
Nagare: WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU WERE INTERRUPTED? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR GOAL FOUR BLOODY CHAPTERS INTO THE STORY? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? Here, let me remind you. You were chasing after the Shark King! You were trying to liberate East Blue, supposedly! THINK about where you’re supposed to go now that you’ve killed your only source of information! Go to a bloody bar! Chat with the goddamned villagers! GO FIND NEW SOURCES OF INFORMATION!
Mantra: Oh, but Master! You can’t expect them to expend that much effort! I mean, they’ve got to wander around and look cool! That’s very important, you know.
"To finding a place to stay so Avery can tell us where the Shark King is!" Chase yelled in annoyance, he quickly began to rub his temples.
Nagare: …AVERY IS DEAD. If he is not dead after all that, I shall throw a very impressive fit. And how is rubbing his temples helping him find a place to stay?
Mantra: *Chuckles*
"Warship...Island.." Avery whispered.
Nagare: …*Leaps up with a snarl and throws herself at projector screen*
Mantra: *Sits back and munches on an apple*
"Huh?" Everyone turned to Avery.
"He's on Warship Island.." Avery repeated.
Nagare: *Slashes projector screen with knives, only for the blade to harmlessly glide over the screen, as though there is an invisible force field over it*
Mantra: Well, it might not be that bad. This could be his dying words, and all.
Nagare: *Ignores and begins punching screen*
"Why's he there?" Chase asked.
Nagare: *Screams in rage and throws table at screen*
Mantra: *Shrugs* Oh, I don’t know. It could be that it’s his base? Have we even heard about this island before? Why should we be surprised that the Shark King is there? Have the Stus heard about this island before? *Chuckles* That’s about the most stupid question I have ever heard, and I’ve heard someone ask me if I was a virgin…
"Who care's we're going!" David smiled,
Mantra: Now, now, don’t you dare go around raping apostrophes. What you’ve done to commas is obscene enough, thank you.
Nagare: *Claws at projector screen in rage*
"Now let's get in a boat!"
"What boat? We don't have a boat you idiot!"
Mantra: Yes. They fucking do. Go read the bloody first Chapter, you MORON! They sailed in to the town on a fucking BOAT! How else are they going to get there? By running over water?
Nagare: *Slams head against screen* WHY WON’T THIS THING JUST FUCKING DIE?
"Don't call me an idiot!" David yelled as he jumped at Chase.
Mantra: No, fuck you. You are a bloody idiot, and nothing is going to convince me otherwise.
"Shut up!" Chase lifted his foot into David's face and he fell to the ground and Chase stood over him triumphantly.
Nagare: *Pauses in horror* What the FUCK was that?
Mantra: …Stuthor, I…I don’t believe you’ve read a single volume of One Piece. Let me hammer this point into your stupid head with Capslock: NAKAMAS DON’T ATTACK EACH OTHER IN ONE PIECE! THEY MAY ENGAGE IN COMICAL SLAPSTICK, BUT THEY DO NOT FUCKING ATTACK AND MOCK AND HUMILIATE EACH OTHER! THAT RIGHT THERE IS NOT GOOD-NATURED SPARING! HE IS STANDING WITH HIS SUPPOSED BEST FRIEND AT HIS FEET, LEERING AT HIM ‘TRIUMPHANTLY’! HE’S CLEARLY ENJOYING CAUSING SUFFERING TO HIS ‘FRIEND’! THAT DOES NOT FUCKING HAPPEN IN ONE PIECE! THAT SHOW IS BASICALLY ONE LONG AESOP ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP! HOW MUCH MORE OBVIOUS DO YOU NEED IT TO BE?
"You thought!" David yelled as he hugged Chase's leg.
Nagare: Apparently, the capability of thinking warrants leg-humping in this universe.
Mantra: Hey, given the apparently intelligence of everyone involved, I’d say that’s an occasion for celebration too!
"Let go!" Chase ordered.
"No!" David cried out.
"Let go!"
"No!" David yelled.
Nagare: *Stony silence* I did not just read that.
Mantra: *Snickers* And these guys are supposed to be seventeen? Yeah, right. Karei-lei is more mature than this!
"Uhhh...guys shouldn't we be focused on finding a boat?" Riru asked, both boys stopped and looked at Riru with enstranged looks.
Nagare: Enstranged looks? They somehow made their looks strange?
Mantra: Maybe they’re trying to estrange her? Or they’re trying to make her strange by staring at her? I have no idea.
"Yeah..." they sighed as they stepped away from each other. Then David spoke, "Alright then! Let's get going!"
Nagare: NEW PARAGRAPHS FOR NEW SPEAKS, GODDAMIT!
Mantra: You’re still not used to the bad writing?
Nagare: I’ll never be used to bad writing!
Next Time: The Army of Four goes to Warship Island ready to take on all the Fishmen there,
Nagare: After loitering around with their thumbs up their asses for three chapters, when they could have been productive.
Mantra: They know they’ve got the favour of the Gods, so they were just waiting around for a Deus Ex Machina to randomly drop in and tell them everything they need to know.
including the Shark King.
Mantra: No, really? I thought they were just going to let the Shark King go free! I mean, it’s not he’s important or anything!
That means a rematch between Chase and Tora. Tora has a surprise for Chase though,
Nagare: Given how easily he was pwned by the Stu the last time they fought…yeah, not buying that.
just how the Shark King might have one for David.
Nagare: How can he be surprised when he’s never seen the Shark King before in his life? He does know what to expect, so how the fuck do you surprise him?
Mantra: I’m pretty sure whips and chains are involved.
Nagare: …I…have no idea what you’re talking about, and don’t you dare elaborate on that statement.
Review!
Mantra: You want reviews? Well, here’s a nice and long one for you: THIS CHAPTER SUCKED! We have a chapter-long action scene that does nothing in terms of establishing character, setting up plot or fleshing out the setting! The Stus prance around being arrogant assholes, not taking anything seriously, and as a consequence, the readers get pissed off and also stop caring! There was absolutely no point whatsoever to this Chapter! And there was no point to any of the characters! You could take any of them away, and the story would’ve worked just as well! Avery serves no purpose other than to allow the Stu to show off his powers. He could have easily obtained that information by gossiping with the villagers! Instead, we get an incredibly drawn out Chapter filled with stupidity, just so we could all ooh and aah over the Stu’s awesomeness. Riru had no purpose in this chapter, she doesn’t fight, her ‘medical skills’ are never used, and she doesn’t even get that much screen time! And the Stus have no distinct personality and can be switched for each other! The conflict is stupid. We are told how the Stus are noble and want to liberate East Blue, but what we are shown is a different matter entirely! They are vile, sociopathic little bastards who only got involved because the Shark King pissed them off! They rape canon, rape grammar, rape spelling, rape characterisation, and piss off every person with an IQ in the double digits that has ever lived! This is a stupid, stupid fic that should never have been written! Full fucking stop!
Leaning back a little, Mantra sighed, ‘Damn, that was tiring.’
‘Thank you for your effort.’ The voice clicked on, ‘You are free to go now, enjoy your rest. When I call you back next, you shall be dealing with Rebecca Sherwood.’
‘Oh, isn’t that fantastic?’ Mantra rolled her eyes.
In a blinding flash, the women are gone again, and the sporking room fell back into silence.
The voice sighed, ‘Now, where am I going to find Sporkers for the next Chapter…’
Go Forward to: Chapter 6, Part 1
Go Back to: Chapter 5, Part 1
Again, I apologise for the subpar quality. Seriously, nothing happens in this Chapter.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy...
Disclaimers and warning from part 1 still apply.
"Guah!"
The Voice: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, STOP TYPING THAT RIGHT NOW! ARGH!
Chase fell to the floor, but stood right back up,
Nagare: *Facepalm* Yes, he’s perfectly alright after being caught in the middle of a tornado. And yes, he’s perfectly capable of keeping his footing whilst being in the middle of a tornado.
Mantra: Are you sure this Stuthor isn’t writing under a word limit? What is the point of spending all that time describing the awesome wind powers and the huge freaking tornado if that’s his reaction to it? I’ve seen people react with more drama to paper cuts!
"You're strong. Why you with this so called Shark King?" Chase asked.
Nagare: *Takes deep breath* WHAT DOES HIS STRENGTH HAVE TO DO WITH WHO HE WORKS UNDER? YOU HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN THE SHARK KING BEFORE! SO WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO COMMENT ON THE PROPERNESS OF SERVING UNDER HIM? IF YOU’RE IMPLYING THAT HE’S TOO STRONG TO NOT STRIKE OUT ON HIS OWN, THEN WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FOLLOWING YOUR CAPTAIN AROUND? THERE’S MORE TO AUTHORITY THAN PHYSICAL STRENGTH! MAYBE HE HAS AWESOME POWERS (WHICH DON’T WORK ON YOU, BY THE WAY), BUT SUCKS AT MANAGING A SHIP? IT DOES TAKE A LOT OF LOGISTICS TO MAKE A SHIP SAIL, YOU KNOW! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT QUESTION?
Mantra: Man, you sure rant a lot in this fic, don’t you? I want Rebecca back. *Pouts* At least I get priority ranting rights there. Why can’t I do the last chapter? I have so many nice and long rants for that chapter!
The Voice: If we give you a fic where a strong, capable young girl is ENSLAVED, and is immediately made meek and subordinate, you will likely gain enough power through pure rage to rip yourself out of this sporking. And that would be tragic.
Mantra: Well, damn.
"Because he's strong. I'm not the one to lead, I learned this from experience. So now I find people who are strong and wish to serve under them."
Nagare: PRECISELY!
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* Wow, someone’s actually making sense in this fic. Ignoring the bad grammar, that’s a very legitimate reason. *Looks up* I wonder how the Organization’s dealing with all the flying pigs…
The Voice: …I’m very surprised you’re not making a comment about how he ‘likes’ strong men and wish to ‘serve’ under them…especially after the innuendos at the end of the last chapter…
Mantra: Oh? *Flips through previous sporkings* *Chuckles* Ah, I love it when Stuthor’s show their butt…
Nagare: …Never say that again. Seriously. No.
"Really?" Chase asked with his head tilted.
Mantra: Instead of asking with his voice. Impressive.
Nagare: …Weren’t these people supposed to be fighting? Why are they all friendly chatter now? Seriously, aren’t they supposed to be trying to kill each other?
Mantra: Are you asking for good pacing in a Stu fic?
Nagare: *Groans* Why can’t I get some good fucking writing…
Mantra: Because good writing isn’t very sporkable. Regrettable, I know.
"What happens if they lose?" David asked with his hand raised.
Nagare: Oh, fan-fucking-tastic. They’re in a fucking classroom now. Hello? He’s a trained assassin! They don’t talk with their targets! They get in, kill the little fuckers, and then get out as quickly as possible! What the fuck is with all this banter?
Mantra: Hey! Banter in fights are awesome! They just have to actually be funny! What you shouldn’t have is fucking EXPOSITION in the middle of a fight scene! It bogs the whole thing down and absolutely ruins tension!
Nagare: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT! BAD FUCKING PACING!
"Then I join the crew that won a fight, or took them over." Avery explained.
Nagare: …how on earth do you take over a fight?
Mantra: I’m pretty sure that’s bad writing, but it’s hard to tell, given how coherent this fic is. *Shakes head* I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Rebecca Sherwood has better writing than this.
Nagare: And he joins the crew that wins A fight? A SINGLE FIGHT? That’s all it takes for him to join them? Well, his standards are pretty low…
Mantra: Look at his intelligence level! How many fights do you think he’s won so far?
Nagare: Well, the rest of the people in this universe are just as idiotic…And how does working for the winner translate to taking over the winner’s crew? Didn't he say he’s not born to lead? Didn't he just admit that he prefers to follow? CONSISTENCY, DAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH STUTHORS AND CONSISTENCY?
Mantra: Nah, he’s too busy masturbating to his own awesomeness.
Nagare: *Facepalm* I hate it when you make sense…
"Well now you are going to be joining my crew!" David smiled with a thumb pointed at himself.
Nagare: …Wow.
Mantra: Huh. Wow.
Nagare: …Didn't you just say you wanted a chance to rant? Well, here’s your chance. Take it. I’m too disgusted to say anything.
Mantra: Fine. *Sighs* This is not going to be good on my vocal chords…WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK, STUTHOR? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUR ‘HEROES’ WANDERING AROUND DOING? THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE! LET’S START WITH THE OBVIOUS, SHALL WE? AVERY JUST ADMITTED THAT HE WORKS FOR THE STRONGEST! AND YET THEY ARE EAGER TO HAVE HIM ON THEIR CREW? HE’S NOT PARTICULARLY STRONG, DESPITE HAVING A DAMNED IMPRESSIVE POWER, AND THEY ARE CLEARLY CONFIDENT THAT THEIR FIRST MATE CAN EASILY OUTMATCH HIM! SO THEY DON’T FUCKING NEED HIM! AND HAVING SOMEONE ON YOUR CREW WHOSE LOYALTIES ARE IN QUESTION IS STUPID! ANYTIME THEY GET ATTACKED BY ANOTHER CREW AND GET TAKEN BY SURPRISE, ONE OF THEIR OWN IS GOING TO TURN AGAINST THEM! AND HE’LL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEIR POWERS ARE AND HOW IT WORKS! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE SUCH A SMALL CREW, YOU DON’T JUST LET ANYONE JOIN! AND HE’S SPENT THE FIRST HALF OF THE CHAPTER TRYING HIS DAMNED HARDEST TO KILL THEM! HE’S ACTIVELY WORKING FOR THEIR ENEMY! HOW DO THEY KNOW IF HE’S NOT A SPY? HOW DO THEY KNOW THEY CAN TRUST HIM WITH ANYTHING? WHY DO THEY EVEN WANT HIM ON THEIR CREW? HE’S A TRAINED ASSASSIN! HIS ONLY SKILL IS IN KILLING PEOPLE! THESE PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ‘HEROES’! WHY THE FUCK DO THEY NEED AN ASSASSIN WORKING FOR THEM?
SECONDLY, DO YOU NOTICE A PATTERN HERE? EVERY DAMNED NEW CREW MEMBER THEY GET IS WON THROUGH FIGHTING! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? IT MEANS THEY CAN’T GAIN THE LOYALTY OF SOMEONE UNLESS THEY BEAT THEM UP! IT MEANS THAT PHYSICALLY HURTING PEOPLE WILL MAGICALLY MAKE THEM LIKE YOU AND WANT TO WORK FOR YOU! PIRATES DON’T WORK THAT WAY! ONE PIECE PIRATES ESPECIALLY DON’T WORK THAT WAY! THE MAIN CHARACTERS GO AROUND PICKING UP CREW MEMBERS, BUT THEY RARELY RECUIT THE FUCKING ENEMY! AND WHEN THEY DO, IN THE CASE OF FRANKY, IT’S ALWAYS AFTER THE ENEMY SHOWS REGRET OVER HIS ACTIONS AND SHOW A GENUINE DESIRE TO BECOME GOOD! HERE? AVERY DOESN’T DISPLAY THE LEAST AMOUNT OF GUILT OVER HIS MURDERS! HE STILL THINKS KILLING IS PERFECTLY FINE! AND YET THE ‘HEROES’ WANT HIM ON THEIR TEAM! DO YOU NOT FUCKING SEE WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE?
THIRDLY, GOD HOW ARROGANT CAN THESE LITTLE FUCKWADS GET? ARROGANCE IS NOT NICE! CONFIDENCE IS ATTRACTIVE AND LOVELY, AND WE SEE CONFIDENCE IN THE MAIN CHARACTER ,BUT THIS RIGHT HERE IS NOT CONFIDENCE! IT’S FUCKING ARROGANCE! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE! AND THIS MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH YOUR CHARACTER’S FACE IN! GAH!
At least in this case, the person they’re recruiting isn’t selling himself into slavery. At least he’s making it clear that he’ll abandon them the moment someone stronger comes along…Though given how this is a Stu fic, I doubt that will happen soon…And at least he’s already a pirate by the time they pick him up…Damn, I want to rant at the scene where they enslave Riru. I’ve got such an amazing rant lined up for it…
Nagare: *Slow clap* I think that’s the longest rant yet. We should really start grading fics on how long the rants it evokes are. Well, let’s move on. I don’t think there’s anything more to say to that little piece of shit.
"Why's that?" Avery asked.
Nagare: *Slowly* You have just been fighting with them. You just told them you work for the strongest side. They told you that you’re going to be working for them soon. THEY ARE GOING TO FUCKING BEAT YOU UP AND THEN ENSLAVE YOU! There! Is that enough hammering to get it through your thick skull?
Mantra: *Tiredly* Yeah, yeah, let’s move on. Damn, that rant took a lot out of me…
"Because you're about to lose to Chase who is my First Mate, meaning you'll have to join us."
Nagare: God, the arrogance. *Rubs head* I haven’t wanted to bitch-slap someone this badly for a long time…
Mantra: I’ll just take solace in the fact that no canon characters show up, so at least characterisation warping will be minimal. *Grits teeth* Unlike that Rebecca bitch…
"If you can't beat the First Mate then how can you beat the Captain?" Riru asked.
Nagare: I…God, how many times do I have to say this? Even in One Piece, authority does not necessarily equal asskicking! It’s entirely conceivable to have someone who may be able to beat Luffy, but will lose miserably to Zoro! For example, someone who uses a fucking SWORD! AND STRENGTH ALONE DOES NOT QUALIFY SOMEONE FOR THE POSITION OF CAPTAIN! LUFFY DIDN’T BECOME THE CAPTAIN BY BEATING ALL OF HIS CREW MEMBERS UP! HE DID IT BY HAVING A GOAL, BEING OPTIMISTIC, BEING BRAVE AND HEROIC, AND EVENTUALLY BECOMING RESPONSIBLE AND MAKING TOUGH DECISIONS!
Mantra: And no, you have no right to ignore these issues because this fanfic is published in 2011. You’ve seen the fight with Usopp. You’ve seen Luffy make the decision to burn Going Merry. You have no right to ignore the fact that a Captain has responsibilities, and physical strength isn’t going to help him a single bit when he has to make unpopular decisions. *Shakes head* How can you not get One Piece? The thing’s as blatant and straightforward as it gets!
Nagare: And why would he even need to beat the Captain? He works for the strongest side! If even one member of the crew can beat him up, especially in a crew this small, then he would defect to their side! *Holds head* It hurts to be around stupid people…
Mantra: You think you’d have gotten used to it after so many years in the Organization…
"Hmph, good point. That doesn't mean I'm going to give up though!"
Nagare: WHAT THE FUCK IS HE GOING TO GIVE UP ON? They JUST proposed that he fight with the First Mate, and if they won, he has to join them! The fight’s barely begun, and both combatants are relatively unscathed! They literally JUST proposed the deal! I get saying that he won’t give up when the fight’s close to finished, and we have a clear idea of who’s going to win, but now? When the fight’s barely even started?
Mantra: Half the Chapter’s gone. *Shrugs* Plus, we do know who’s going to win. What, you think the Stuthor’s actually going to allow his avatars to be defeated? *Scoffs*
Avery remarked as he got ready to keep fighting.
Nagare: …And what does that entail, precisely?
Mantra: Plenty of stretching and lubrication, I would believe.
"Anyways, you ready to continue?
Nagare: *Distracted by the fic* HE’S PREPARING TO KEEP FIGHTING! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?
You just might be the only way we'll get to Shark King."
Nagare: Oh, for the love of- You mean to tell me these guys have literally done NOTHING so far to try and find the Shark King? They were just loitering around waiting for a Deus Ex Machina to drop from the skies?
The Voice: Actually, yes. You are more accurate than you think.
Nagare: *Slams head against table*
"Why you wanna get to Shark King?" Avery asked.
Mantra: (Stus) *Shamefully* Well, I’ve always been a furry…
The Voice: Given the previous characterisation, the more plausible reaction is actually: (Stus) Well, I have this new nail-ripping machine that I want to try out, and I heard that fishmen make the most lovely screams when their fingers are being crushed…
Nagare: And they are our heroes?
Mantra: After that little bit where they try to get a TRAINED ASSASSIN to work for them, are you really surprised?
"Because he's trying to take over East Blue!" David yelled, "That's not right! For that he deserves to get his butt kicked! This is my home!"
Nagare: …THAT’S the reason why they want to take him down?
Mantra: No. I’m not ranting again. I’ve just did a full page rant. I deserve some rest, okay? Just because I like priority ranting rights, doesn’t mean I now have ranting obligations!
The Voice: Very well. I’ve been itching to rant for some time. Actually, here’s a list for you:
- No. You are not fighting him because he’s trying to take over East Blue. I’ve seen how you and your little minions reacted when his henchmen were running around terrorise people. If you truly cared about the people and wanted to free them from tyranny, YOU WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING THEN! Instead, you sat there and pretty much ignored them whilst they went and pillage your hometown! You know, the place with your family and childhood friends in it? You know when you started fighting against them? WHEN THEY STARTED PICKING ON YOU PERSONALLY! In fact, even then you were willing to let them go about their ways! YOU DIDN’T FIGHT UNTIL THEY STARTED ANNOYING YOU! UNTIL THEY STARTED INCONVENIENCING YOU! So, no. You’re not in this because you’re oh so heroic and just. You’re here because that guy’s friend pissed you off, and no one is allowed to do that, because you’re the Might Stu.
- What right do you have to judge their actions? Let’s review your actions from the beginning of the fic, shall we? First, you fry two innocent officers of law who were questioning your purpose in docking at a harbour, and rightfully suspecting your intentions because YOU WANDER AROUND WITH A JOLLY ROGER EMBROIDERED ON YOUR JACKET! IN AN AGE OF PIRACY, NO LESS! And you laughed at their corpses. The corpses of two men who were defending your own hometown from raids and pillaging. Then, you sit by and watch whilst a bunch of aggressive fishmen terrorise your fellow villagers, neglecting to act until it becomes personal for you. And instead of finishing the fight there and then, you purposely drag it out, doing more damage to the town, just so you can enjoy their distress. You were toying with them because you knew you were stronger than them. Then, you fucking defile their corpses, treating it like interesting toys, all the while making derogatory comments on their lifestyle. Then, after promising the villagers that you will seek out the Shark King and destroy him, because his mate insulted your mate, you loiter around and make absolutely no attempts at finding out anything about him! Then, you beat up two random strangers, who you have no idea are evil, because they show up and insult you. Again, you drag out the fight on purpose, and you show clear sighs of deriving PLEASURE from their pain. From there, you attack the stranger’s friend, who’s rightfully upset at you for hurting her friends, conning her into a dubious deal and eventually ENSLAVING her, showing absolutely no regard for her former life, dreams and ambitions. And you have the balls to say someone else isn’t doing the moral thing? You have the balls to criticise someone else’s morality? Bullshit.
- How the heck do you even know the Shark King is evil? For all you know, he’s got a legitimate empire set up, and the world government is upset only because he’s hogging power! Have we ever seen him mistreating his citizens? Sure, he collects taxes, but running a government costs money! Of course, he would need funds! His henchmen are perfectly willing to let the villagers go free if they pay their taxes, and even in our enlightened, democratic society, tax evasion still warrants jail time! Stuthor, if you have a villain, it might be good to actually show him doing NASTY THINGS! Because as it is, we have absolutely no reason to hate him! Think about this from his perspective! He’s trying to do a damned hard job running this place properly, making sure public hospitals and school stay open because people won’t pay their damned taxes, and suddenly, out of nowhere, two little kids show up and beat up his best friend! He’s got a pretty good reason to send thugs after them! And no. Avery is not an assassin. I don’t care what you say, he’s certainly not trying to kill anyone!
- David Stu, WHAT ON EARTH MAKES YOU THE ULTIMATE JUDGE OF WHAT’S RIGHT AND WRONG? You declare that the Shark King deserves a beating for trying to establish an empire, right. WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO DECIDE THIS? What, you’re going to make yourself judge, jury and executioner? There’s a reason Batman tries to avoid that at all costs! If freaking comic book writers can figure this out, and you can’t, then I pity the single cell you call your brain!
- What, you mean if he targeted an area that’s not your home, you would’ve been completely fine with him? No one except those you FAVOUR, those that have gained your Stamp of Approval matter? Well, nice to have that cleared up I guess. The rest of the world can just go fuck themselves, because the Mighty Stu decided they weren’t worthy. The main characters of One Piece were so heroic and likeable because, most of the time, the people they helped weren’t related to them at all! They have no obligations whatsoever to helping them, and, on the face of it, won’t gain much by helping either! They’re heroic because they stuck around and helped anyways! They’re heroic because they weren’t expecting any benefits from doing the Right Thing! How the fuck can you take a heartwarming story about a group of the most endearing characters I have ever read about and write this little tribute to sadism is beyond me.
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* Impressive length. Though you didn’t use nearly enough Capslock.
Nagare: Eh, I like what it did better. At least my ears don’t have to suffer for it.
"Hmph, so he's angered you and now you want to fight him?"
Nagare: Yes. That’s precisely it. They’re fighting him because he annoys them. No other reason.
Avery asked, "You do know he's a Shichibukai!"
"I don't care if he's a Sichichuki!" David smiled.
Mantra: ‘Smiled’. That verb coupled with that sentence rubs me the wrong way. That right there is kicking up the arrogance to a height hitherto unforseen. It’s not just mere arrogance now, it’s verging on HUBRIS.
Nagare: *Sharp glance at Mantra* I suppose it’s too much to hope that Zeus shows up and smites the little sociopathic bastards?
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* I was thinking that Thor would like to do the honour, seeing as the Stu had the audacity to name one of his attacks after him, the GOD of Thunder. But I suppose Zeus works just as well. He’d even rape the bastards before killing them!
Nagare: *Turns slightly green* Gah…Forget I ever suggested that.
"Shichibukai." Chase corrected.
Nagare: …That was a deliberate mistake? Wow…I didn’t even notice it amongst all the spelling errors. Fail, Stuthor. Fail.
"Whatever." David replied with his back turned.
Mantra: Presenting them with a nice view of his a-
Nagare: No! God, I know this is how you deal with stupidity, but can you at least consider my feelings?
Mantra: Oh, but I am ‘considering’ you! Why, I ‘consider’ you all day long!
Nagare: *Stares* You can make any word dirty, can’t you?
Mantra: *Smirks* Is that a challenge?
Nagare: *Quickly turns back to fic* And what is he doing turning his back to the enemy? Is he showing how much he doesn’t care? How little he thinks of his opponent’s ability? Well, we’ve only seen him in one fight so far, and that one he won by pulling a super power out of his ass at the last minute! So I don’t buy this whole ‘he’s a total badass’ thing! This just makes him look both stupid AND pompous! *Shakes head* I say we get Zeus and Thor to tag-team. It’d be unfair to leave either of them out.
Mantra: Ooh! Nice! And they can have passionate comfort sex afterwards…
Nagare: GAH! DO NOT WANT! Seriously, what the FUCK? Zeus and Thor?
Mantra: Hey! There’s Kreacher/Giant Squid porn!
Nagare: …I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m not going to find out.
"Anyways lets keep going!" Avery rushed at Chase,
Nagare: …*Facepalm* Way to destroy the tension there.
Mantra: I’m half convinced the villain is under contractual obligations to NEVER take the heroes by surprise. The lengths he go to, to ensure the heroes are prepared for his assault, is amazing. He’s certainly far more honourable in combat than our beloved protagonists.
The Voice: By itself, that sentence almost looks like it came out of a smut fic…
Mantra: *Pouts* First, Nagare takes my place as Canon Defender, and now you’re replacing me as Innuendo Finder? That’s just spiteful!
who saw the whole thing.
Nagare: …Seeing as he’s not blind, you know, doesn’t it go without saying that he sees things? I mean, really? What’s that even doing there? You have time to put that useless little tid bit there, but can’t properly describe the characters’ actions during a supposedly intense fight scene? What the fuck is up with your priorities, Stuthor?
Mantra: He’s a Stuthor. What do you think is up with his priorities? The thing we should be asking here is exactly what did the Stu see? There seems to be a deliberate break between David turning around and showing off his assets, and Avery and Chase resuming their fight. What happened there? *Raises eyebrow*
Nagare: …You really don’t have to double your efforts in finding Innuendo to prove that you can still do it, you know.
Mantra: I know. It’s just fun. *Shrugs* And I can’t let that bitch take over my job! It’s the only thing keeping me going at times.
It was like he was running normally.
Mantra: Instead of running abnormally?
This was thanks to both of them eating fruits that allow them speed.
Nagare: *Facepalm* I know I should be used to the awkward phrasing, but goddamn it, this still hurt. YOU HAVE FREAKING SPEED WITHOUT DEVIL FRUITS! THEY MAKE YOU FASTER! THEY DON’T GRANT YOU THE POWERS OF MOBILITY! And how does being able to move faster automatically make you more perceptive?
As Avery got close Chase vanished and a bolt of lightning struck down right in front of Avery.
Nagare: What?
Mantra: Apparently, despite both of them supposedly having super speed, and despite the fact that Avery clearly shows signs of being faster than the Stu, he managed to pull even more Super Speed out of his ass, and move so fast that Avery can’t see him. Because the Stu does everything better than everyone else.
Nagare: I was talking about the whole lightning bolt business. What was even the point of that? Why would he have lightning strike where he was standing before? If he could conjure lightning bolts out of the blue, why hasn’t he fried Avery yet? What the fuck are they doing?
Mantra: Hey, they love dragging fights out! How can he properly enjoy Avery’s pain if the fights over in one second?
Nagare: The annoying thing is that Avery seems to be dragging the fight out as well. For kicks, presumably.
"Last Second Lightning." Chase smirked as he then appeared behind Avery,
Nagare: Yeah. That doesn’t make sense.
Mantra: Has anything made sense so far?
"Lightning Current!" Chase released an electrical current that pushed Avery forward causing him to faulter some.
Nagare: …That’s not how electricity works. Seriously, no. I may not know much about physics, but I do know that is not how it works.
Mantra: If he released a lightning bolt at Avery like that, Avery wouldn’t be pushed forward. The electrical current would go THROUGH him and fry him on the spot! Lightning doesn’t have mass! It’s a bolt of ENERGY!
Avery jumped and began to spin.
Nagare: Why the FUCK is he still alive? He’s just been shot through with lightning! And what the FUCK is he doing SPINNING? What purpose does that serve? What, he got fried with lightning, so he decided to spontaneous take up ballet-dancing?
"Tornado Kick!" A tornado began to arise
Nagare: Okay, here’s what I don’t get. Why does Avery have to spin to generate wind, but the Stu doesn’t have to make any kind of preparation when he summons lightning? They both have equal affinity for their powers, so why does Avery’s powers take so long to evoke, but the Stu’s doesn’t?
Mantra: *Patiently* Master, you are reading a Stu Fic. Of course, the Stu’s power is better than everyone else’s. How else can the Stuthor wank to his own superiority?
as Chase just stood there and held out one hand.
Nagare: …That. Is it. This person has never been near a tornado in his life. Tornadoes suck the air away from its surrounding! It creates freaking VACUUMS! There is no fucking way the Stu can keep calm like that! There is no fucking way he isn’t being torn to bits! Goddamn it, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE DEAD?
Mantra: I suppose the Stuthor saw how some of the main characters in One Piece are Made Of Iron, and decided to make ALL of his characters like that. The only problem being that his prose is so bland, it honestly sounds like his Stus are completely unscathed after a fight like that. We don’t hear them ever bleeding, getting bruises, their injuries interfering with battle…we don’t even hear them being tired after three consecutive fights. So, it falls flat on its face, like everything else in the fic.
"Lightning Flash!" With that a flash of lightning blinded everyone and Avery fell to the ground.
Nagare: Oh, he does it NOW. *Spits*
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* Did he seriously defeat him by flashing him?
Nagare: …Mantra? Just…stop . Now.
"You think...I'm done?" Avery asked whil struggling to stand.
Nagare: THUNDERBOLT! RIGHT THROUGH HIM! WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL CONSCIOUS?
Mantra: And why is he even trying so hard, anyways? The Stu has proved beyond a shadow of doubt that he can kill him, if he wants to. He clearly said that he works for the strongest side. So why isn’t he defecting? You’d think that would be preferable to death.
"Wow, you are strong!" David said in awe wih Riru in unison.
Nagare: *Rubs head* What is even the purpose of those two in this fic? If your characters don’t have any purpose except delivering dry commentary, then FIND SOMETHING FOR THEM TO DO! Character have a purpose! They are supposed to be NECESSARY to the story! When you can take two main characters out and have things play out exactly the same way, YOU ARE FUCKING DOING SOMETHING WRONG!
Mantra: At least they’re admitting that it’s not usual for someone to survive being struck by lightning.
Nagare: Well, it’s too little, too late! AND PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK IN UNISON UNLESS THEY REHEARSED IT! Character especially shouldn’t speak in unison! They are supposed to have distinct personalities, individual reactions! They’re supposed to be PEOPLE! If you’re so desperate to drive up your word count that you give your characters practical immortality and lobotomies to drag actions scenes out, then why can’t you spare a few sentences to describe your character’s reactions? Gah!
Mantra: The thing is, Stu’s aren't people. They horrible monsters that take up residence in canon and corrupt all they touch. They feast upon praise and attention, and is not above warping someone’s mind in order to gain it. *Grimly* That’s why the PPC got set up, you know.
Nagare: Well, these things deserve to be hunted down and killed.
Mantra: I know. Don’t worry. We’ll be doing exactly that soon.
"Well I can say that you've impressed my Avery.
Nagare: …They’re already referring to Avery as their property. Wow.
Mantra: Who is he talking to, anyways? Did anyone do anything that might impress Avery? Or is the Stu talking to himself now?
Nagare: Talking to himself about how Awesome he is, no less. *Groans*
Too bad I'm going to have to hurry up and end this."
Nagare: What, he WANTS to drag this out? He WANTS to prolong Avery’s suffering? He enjoys battering someone around?
Mantra: Quite frankly, yes.
Nagare: And he regrets that he won’t be able to do it again?
Mantra: *Nods*
Nagare: …Well, let’s see how much they like it when I get around to toying with them.
Chase pointed one finger at the sky, then aimed it at Avery.
Mantra: *Sighs* Even his posing isn’t original.
Nagare: And he just has to end the fight the most dramatic way possible. There’s no need for him to gesture before summoning lightning, the only reason he’s doing this is to garner himself attention. No, they weren’t fighting for their lives! They were putting on a goddamned show for the audience! And a piss-poor one at that!
With in a flash of light Chase's finger was touching Avery's shoulder,
Nagare: …What?
"Lightning Beam!" With that Chase shot out a burst of elctricity that ripped through Avery's shoulder causing him to collapse.
Nagare: Seriously, what? Why would he need to get near Avery at all? He can summon freaking lightning bolts! Why would he need to get near his opponent and make himself vulnerable to their attacks? And why the fuck is he still breaking out the big guns? The dude was swaying around, barely coherent, clearly too weak to fight back! THIS is the ideal occasion to be foregoing your powers and sticking to fisticuffs! And you still fry him with lightning? Are you trying to gain a new crew member, or are you trying to murder him?
Mantra: Remember what you just said? Everything we’ve seen is some kind of twisted freak show starring the Stu and Avery. He’s just showing off here.
"Hey Riru, maybe you should come treat him!" Chase yelled.
Nagare: Yes, MAYBE.
Mantra: Pft, come on! He’s only gotten hit by lightning a couple of times! Of course, he’s perfectly fine!
"Yay we have a new crew member!" David celebrated as he and Riru ran over to look at Avery.
Mantra: *Suddenly sombre* Yes, you go ahead and celebrate how you just enslaved another person and roped them into piracy. You go right ahead and do that.
Nagare: When the Stuthor said ‘look’, I imagined David and Riru gawking at Avery’s charred corpse like a little kid at zoo…and somehow, that is so in-character…
"He was strong, now he's going to have to take us to where the Shark King is." Chase informed.
Nagare: THEY SAW THE BLOODY FIGHT! YOU DON’T HAVE TO INFORM THEM ANYTHING! THEY WERE BLOODY THERE!
Mantra: THAT’S what you’re angry about? What about the whole ‘he WAS strong’ thing? As soon as someone is defeated ,they automatically become a pussy? Because the Stus have Deus Ex Machina Game Breaker powers, that somehow negates Avery’s accomplishment? And see how Avery doesn’t have a choice in this at all? He’s GOING to take them to the Shark King whether HE LIKES IT OR NOT. And notice how they only got him on the crew because they could USE him, because he can BENEFIT them. This is a ONE PIECE fic, and the main characters are befriending someone because he’s USEFUL. They want to USE him.
Nagare: Thank you, I was trying to ignore that.
"I hope the Shark King is strong!" David chuckled as he watched Riru poke Avery with a stick.
The Voice: What the fuck is fucking up with these people and defiling corpses? Do you think it’s cute? Do you think it’s ENDEARING? It’s not! It is fucking NOT! That is not funny or cute in any fucking way! Their opponent is already defeated! He’s already completely defenceless! Doing that is just rubbing it in! This is the height of sociopathy, and I DO NOT FUCKING CONDONE THIS!
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* I wonder if the little bitch actually did this all the time, or if she only started after joining the Stus. We’ve seen exactly this kind of behaviour from them, and I wonder if they’re surreptitiously brainwashing new recruits between chapters.
Nagare: Well, it would explain the jumpy scene breaks at least.
"He's not dead Riru!
Nagare: WELL, HE SHOULD BE!
Mantra: He was JUST yelling for the medic to heal him. Why on earth would they assume he was dead?
Nagare: I don’t care. He should be dead, dammit.
Mantra: Eh, Deus Ex Machina.
Just heal him!" Chase barked.
Mantra: Seriously, what do you expect her to do? The guy’s been hit by lightning several times over, once straight through his CHEST! If he’s not dead yet, then he’s definitely beyond the medicine of the One Piece universe! It might make some sense if Riru has healing powers, but her power was SUPER SPEED! So, what on earth do you expect her to do? Turn into Jesus?
Nagare: And don’t you love how they order her around? When has Luffy ever needed to resort to screaming orders at his crew? For all your flaunting of your ‘badassery’, you certainly still depend on physical measure to keep your crew in place. Why the fuck is the little bitch so loyal to them?
Mantra: Don’t ask me. *Growls*
"Gosh no need to yell." David and Riru pouted as they backed away from Chase.
Mantra: And they just OBEY. Because god forbid anyone try to cross the Stu. SHOW SOME BACKBONE, DAMMIT!
Nagare: In unison, too. Do these people have any distinction between them? At this point, you can swap their names around and no one will even notice!
Mantra: Because they’re all pussies.
"Whatever." He remarked, "Let's just get ready to go."
Nagare: Get ready to go? They’re LEAVING?
Mantra: Of course, they are. You don’t expect them to actually try healing Avery, do you? After all, he dared to annoy the Mighty Stus. A painful death is the least he deserves.
Nagare: He spent the last half-page yelling at Riru to bloody heal him, and then he suddenly just drops the matter? For no reason at all? I know Avery is doomed with his injuries, but he’s not even going to try anymore? A guy is bleeding out at his feet, and he’s just going to MOVE ON? *Shakes head* I’ve seen Organization Agents with more empathy than this…
"Go where?" David asked curiously.
Nagare: WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU WERE INTERRUPTED? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR GOAL FOUR BLOODY CHAPTERS INTO THE STORY? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? Here, let me remind you. You were chasing after the Shark King! You were trying to liberate East Blue, supposedly! THINK about where you’re supposed to go now that you’ve killed your only source of information! Go to a bloody bar! Chat with the goddamned villagers! GO FIND NEW SOURCES OF INFORMATION!
Mantra: Oh, but Master! You can’t expect them to expend that much effort! I mean, they’ve got to wander around and look cool! That’s very important, you know.
"To finding a place to stay so Avery can tell us where the Shark King is!" Chase yelled in annoyance, he quickly began to rub his temples.
Nagare: …AVERY IS DEAD. If he is not dead after all that, I shall throw a very impressive fit. And how is rubbing his temples helping him find a place to stay?
Mantra: *Chuckles*
"Warship...Island.." Avery whispered.
Nagare: …*Leaps up with a snarl and throws herself at projector screen*
Mantra: *Sits back and munches on an apple*
"Huh?" Everyone turned to Avery.
"He's on Warship Island.." Avery repeated.
Nagare: *Slashes projector screen with knives, only for the blade to harmlessly glide over the screen, as though there is an invisible force field over it*
Mantra: Well, it might not be that bad. This could be his dying words, and all.
Nagare: *Ignores and begins punching screen*
"Why's he there?" Chase asked.
Nagare: *Screams in rage and throws table at screen*
Mantra: *Shrugs* Oh, I don’t know. It could be that it’s his base? Have we even heard about this island before? Why should we be surprised that the Shark King is there? Have the Stus heard about this island before? *Chuckles* That’s about the most stupid question I have ever heard, and I’ve heard someone ask me if I was a virgin…
"Who care's we're going!" David smiled,
Mantra: Now, now, don’t you dare go around raping apostrophes. What you’ve done to commas is obscene enough, thank you.
Nagare: *Claws at projector screen in rage*
"Now let's get in a boat!"
"What boat? We don't have a boat you idiot!"
Mantra: Yes. They fucking do. Go read the bloody first Chapter, you MORON! They sailed in to the town on a fucking BOAT! How else are they going to get there? By running over water?
Nagare: *Slams head against screen* WHY WON’T THIS THING JUST FUCKING DIE?
"Don't call me an idiot!" David yelled as he jumped at Chase.
Mantra: No, fuck you. You are a bloody idiot, and nothing is going to convince me otherwise.
"Shut up!" Chase lifted his foot into David's face and he fell to the ground and Chase stood over him triumphantly.
Nagare: *Pauses in horror* What the FUCK was that?
Mantra: …Stuthor, I…I don’t believe you’ve read a single volume of One Piece. Let me hammer this point into your stupid head with Capslock: NAKAMAS DON’T ATTACK EACH OTHER IN ONE PIECE! THEY MAY ENGAGE IN COMICAL SLAPSTICK, BUT THEY DO NOT FUCKING ATTACK AND MOCK AND HUMILIATE EACH OTHER! THAT RIGHT THERE IS NOT GOOD-NATURED SPARING! HE IS STANDING WITH HIS SUPPOSED BEST FRIEND AT HIS FEET, LEERING AT HIM ‘TRIUMPHANTLY’! HE’S CLEARLY ENJOYING CAUSING SUFFERING TO HIS ‘FRIEND’! THAT DOES NOT FUCKING HAPPEN IN ONE PIECE! THAT SHOW IS BASICALLY ONE LONG AESOP ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP! HOW MUCH MORE OBVIOUS DO YOU NEED IT TO BE?
"You thought!" David yelled as he hugged Chase's leg.
Nagare: Apparently, the capability of thinking warrants leg-humping in this universe.
Mantra: Hey, given the apparently intelligence of everyone involved, I’d say that’s an occasion for celebration too!
"Let go!" Chase ordered.
"No!" David cried out.
"Let go!"
"No!" David yelled.
Nagare: *Stony silence* I did not just read that.
Mantra: *Snickers* And these guys are supposed to be seventeen? Yeah, right. Karei-lei is more mature than this!
"Uhhh...guys shouldn't we be focused on finding a boat?" Riru asked, both boys stopped and looked at Riru with enstranged looks.
Nagare: Enstranged looks? They somehow made their looks strange?
Mantra: Maybe they’re trying to estrange her? Or they’re trying to make her strange by staring at her? I have no idea.
"Yeah..." they sighed as they stepped away from each other. Then David spoke, "Alright then! Let's get going!"
Nagare: NEW PARAGRAPHS FOR NEW SPEAKS, GODDAMIT!
Mantra: You’re still not used to the bad writing?
Nagare: I’ll never be used to bad writing!
Next Time: The Army of Four goes to Warship Island ready to take on all the Fishmen there,
Nagare: After loitering around with their thumbs up their asses for three chapters, when they could have been productive.
Mantra: They know they’ve got the favour of the Gods, so they were just waiting around for a Deus Ex Machina to randomly drop in and tell them everything they need to know.
including the Shark King.
Mantra: No, really? I thought they were just going to let the Shark King go free! I mean, it’s not he’s important or anything!
That means a rematch between Chase and Tora. Tora has a surprise for Chase though,
Nagare: Given how easily he was pwned by the Stu the last time they fought…yeah, not buying that.
just how the Shark King might have one for David.
Nagare: How can he be surprised when he’s never seen the Shark King before in his life? He does know what to expect, so how the fuck do you surprise him?
Mantra: I’m pretty sure whips and chains are involved.
Nagare: …I…have no idea what you’re talking about, and don’t you dare elaborate on that statement.
Review!
Mantra: You want reviews? Well, here’s a nice and long one for you: THIS CHAPTER SUCKED! We have a chapter-long action scene that does nothing in terms of establishing character, setting up plot or fleshing out the setting! The Stus prance around being arrogant assholes, not taking anything seriously, and as a consequence, the readers get pissed off and also stop caring! There was absolutely no point whatsoever to this Chapter! And there was no point to any of the characters! You could take any of them away, and the story would’ve worked just as well! Avery serves no purpose other than to allow the Stu to show off his powers. He could have easily obtained that information by gossiping with the villagers! Instead, we get an incredibly drawn out Chapter filled with stupidity, just so we could all ooh and aah over the Stu’s awesomeness. Riru had no purpose in this chapter, she doesn’t fight, her ‘medical skills’ are never used, and she doesn’t even get that much screen time! And the Stus have no distinct personality and can be switched for each other! The conflict is stupid. We are told how the Stus are noble and want to liberate East Blue, but what we are shown is a different matter entirely! They are vile, sociopathic little bastards who only got involved because the Shark King pissed them off! They rape canon, rape grammar, rape spelling, rape characterisation, and piss off every person with an IQ in the double digits that has ever lived! This is a stupid, stupid fic that should never have been written! Full fucking stop!
Leaning back a little, Mantra sighed, ‘Damn, that was tiring.’
‘Thank you for your effort.’ The voice clicked on, ‘You are free to go now, enjoy your rest. When I call you back next, you shall be dealing with Rebecca Sherwood.’
‘Oh, isn’t that fantastic?’ Mantra rolled her eyes.
In a blinding flash, the women are gone again, and the sporking room fell back into silence.
The voice sighed, ‘Now, where am I going to find Sporkers for the next Chapter…’
Go Forward to: Chapter 6, Part 1
Go Back to: Chapter 5, Part 1