Bound For Glory: Chapter 14 -- Logia Fight! Manoeuvre
Chapter 14: Logia Fight! Manoeuvre
William: *Face palm* Oh god, I’d forgotten this existed.
Brian: is it just me or are the chapter titles getting more and more ridiculous?
"You..." James looked on as he saw a twenty year old woman standing ontop of the pillar of ice that had stopped him from his attack.
Brian: *LE GASP* A hero who’s NOT a teenager? What is the world coming to!?
William: I highly doubt anyone who allies themselves with the protagonists of this story can be called a “hero”.
"Who are you?" Chase was able to mutter as he saw the woman stand there.
Brian: Oh, what the hell. He’s having trouble SPEAKING? He sure seemed to handle it fine when he was waxing philosophy last chapter!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 1
She was about average height, had long straight brunette hair,
William: Oh yes, that’s exactly what we need at a supposedly dramatic reveal. A lengthy, pointless list of physical details that NO ONE CARES ABOUT.
she wore a white shirt underneath black overals, a black miniskirt,
Brian: She’s wearing overalls AND a miniskirt? On what planet is this acceptable fashion!?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 1
and black boots. She jumped down from the pillar and faced Chase with her amethyst eyes.
William: *Gouges them out with a spoon*
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine,
William: What, you admit all that wincing and whining was just an act?
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 2
who are you?"
"I'm Shiro Kami." The girl smiled.
The Voice: ...Bitch, if you don’t know Japanese, don’t try and make up Japanese names. Just do a google search and pick the most popular Japanese name, because otherwise, you’re going to look like a STUPID, STUPID IDIOT.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 2
"Hmph, well I'm Chase."
Brian: Should you guys really be having this conversation in the middle of an all-out attack by the marines?
William: It’s a part of villain-etiquette to politely wait until the main characters are done with exposition.
ONOMATOEPOEIAS ARE COOL: 1
"The 'Snow Queen' herself. How amusing."
Brian: NO, IT’S NOT. We don’t feel anything other than APATHY if you don’t establish her character and backstory first before you have people fawning over her, like she’s some kind of legend! What has this woman even DONE?
James spoke as he pulled his hand from the ice pillar, "Too bad she won't be able to save you!"
Brian: He doesn’t NEED her to save him! YOU. CAN’T. HURT. HIM.
William: What the hell are you doing trying to pull your hand free? YOU CAN CHANGE IT TO WHATEVER SHAPE YOU WANT! Just make it smaller, and boom! You’re free!
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 1
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 1
James called as he broke down the ice pillar and rushed at Shiro with two metal blades for hands.
Brian: ...Why did you feel the need to destroy the ice pillar first? I mean, yeah, she’s on top of it, but you control metal. ALL METAL. YOU. ARE. MAGNETO. There’s no reason you can’t throw some projectiles at her!
William: Uh, did you forget how she’s a Logia? Therefore, logically, physical attacks aren’t going to hurt her? Just what do you plan to do with swords against someone who can dissolve into snow or something? These people need to play a couple of pokemon games. Elemental scissor-paper-rock isn’t that hard to fire out!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 2
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 3
"Whoa!" Shiro jumped back and pulled out two gunblades,
Brian: ...What.
William: ...There are some interesting technology in the One Piece universe -- like snails that act as phones -- but their weaponry is fairly basic, you know. Weapons out of Final Fantasy just doesn’t FIT in this universe.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 2
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 2
both of them were waveswords with pistols.
Brian: ...What.
William: ...I...have nothing.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 4
She blocked the first attack by James, but it wasn't enough. James leaped over her and axe kicked her shoulder.
"Ah!"
Brian: ...YOU’RE A LOGIA! YOU’RE MADE OUT OF SNOW! HOW CAN THAT HURT YOU AT ALL!? IT WOULD’VE GONE RIGHT THROUGH YOU! Or did you forget you had powers or something?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 5
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 3
Shiro turned around and fired the pistols from her weapons, the bullets went right through James.
Brian: JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A LOGIA, DOESN’T MEAN ATTACKS GO RIGHT THROUGH YOU! HE’S MADE OUT OF METAL. METAL!! THAT MEANS THE BULLETS SHOULD’VE BOUNCED OFF OF HIM OR SOMETHING!
William: And if he can turn into mercury, then why didn’t he do that earlier and float some microscopic amounts into the characters’s airways or throat? It doesn’t take much to induce mercury poisoning! Especially if not they're perfectly happy to stand around for hours and debate philosophy!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 3
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 6
"Nice try." James rushed at Shiro and cocked his fist back.
Brian: Dude, if the bullets really did go through you, metal-form or not, that means you’ve been injured! The sarcasm really doesn’t work when her attack was EFFECTIVE!
COCKFIST: 1
Shiro ducked down and went to stab James. Her blades went right through him.
"What the..."
"My Devil Fruit is a Logia, don't be too surprised."
Brian: ;ALSDKFJAK;LSD;ALKSDG;AKLSD HE’S MADE OF METAL. METAL. METAL, IN ALMOST ALL CASES, IS A SOLID AT ROOM TEMPREATURE.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 1 (What, you needed this to happen twice to figure out your attacks aren’t working?)
James commented as he kneed Shiro in the mouth, while holding onto her weapons and shooting them out of his back to seperate her from them.
Brian: ...What on earth...
William: Being made out of metal meant you could teleport weapons?
Brian: And while you were kneeing her in the mouth, why not make a giant spike come out of your knee, so you impale her head!? THIS IS NOT THAT HARD! You should know how to do this by the time you become an ADMIRAL!
JUST KILL HER, DAMMIT: 4
James ran at Shiro again and leaped in the air,
Brian: RAN at her!? YOU WERE HOLDING ONTO HER WEAPONS! YOU’RE ALREADY RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER!
William: And just where is Chase while all of this is happening. What, is he just standing by and watching Shiro having her ass kicked because god forbid more than two people be engaged in a fight?
Brian: He probably ran for the hills while he could.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 5
"Spear Driver!"
"Ice Darts!" Shiro threw multiple frozen darts at James, but he made them pass right through.
Brian: HE. CANNOT. DO. THAT.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 8
James thrusted his spear like arm forwards, Shiro moved her head to the side yet she was scratched.
Brian: ...HOW? SHE IS ACTUALLY MADE OF SNOW! SHE IS ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF MAKING ATTACKS PASS RIGHT THROUGH HER!
William: With every chapter, this makes less sense.
Brian: TELL ME ABOUT IT!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 9
"Huh?" She looked at the scratch,
William: ...The scratch that’s on her HEAD?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 4
then was kicked in the ribs, "Ah!"
"I'll kill you all." James announced
Brian: THEN WHY ARE YOU JUST KICKING HER, INSTEAD OF IMPALING HER!? USE YOUR POWERS, DAMMIT
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 5
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 5
as he raised his hands in the air then slammed them onto the ground, "Impalement!" James called out as he then summoned multiple metal spike pillars from the ground.
Brian: You can just MAKE metal grow out of nowhere!? THEN WHY NOT MAKE A SOLID CASE OF METAL GROW AROUND THEIR FACE AND SUFFOCATE THEM!? Or, using the idea before, make mercury appear in their blood stream or something!? THIS ISN’T THAT HARD!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 6
Chase was able to jump and dodge them by turning into lightning,
William: Which he just remembered he could do last chapter, apparently.
he looked down and saw Shiro standing there making them pass through her as well.
Brian: THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THAT BEFORE, YOU GODDAMNED MORON?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 10
"You sure have gotten stronger Weston." Shiro sighed.
William: Do there people even know what “MARINE ADMIRAL” means!?
"Yeah, and you still probably think you can beat me."
"I know I can." Shiro snickered.
Brian: BUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIT. Not even the fucking Four Kings of the Sea were completely confident that they can take on an Admiral!
William: But then again, this guy would’ve barely made it as an ordinary private in the canon marines, so what gives.
The Voice: Oh, and if you want us to take this situation seriously, don't use "snickered" in the middle of a supposedly epic scene!
THESAURUS RAPE: 1
"We'l see, out of all the times we've fought you've never once beaten me." James explained.
William: Oh fantastic. Out of all the things, you decide to plagiarise Zoro’s backstory. Except instead of something that was genuinely tragic, you turn it into immature playground grudges.
Brian: And, of course, make the party that’s always losing female. Because god forbid a woman defeat a man!
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 1
"Then tell me how I escape?"
"I let you. For the fun, the thrill have having to hunt you down.
William: ...I am not amused.
Brian: She is a PIRATE. You let her go to pillage and burn and terrorise villages, just so you’d have the fun of chasing down someone you KNOW is inferior to you? You doomed god knows how many people to death, just because you want to go chase someone who’s CLEARLY weaker than you!? You’re a freaking admiral! You can find pirates weaker than you to hunt down any time! Why fucking fixate on her!?
In canon, when marine officers some times let pirates go, it’s only after the pirates did something that made the marine officers IN DEBT to them! Like Luffy defeating a tyrant that was ruling over the village with an iron fist! And when they chase after a particular pirate for fun, it’s always because they’re more or on even footing! Because they’re a WORTHY OPPONENT! What is the POINT of setting up a rivalry or something when there’s no actually fucking rivalry going on, only BULLYING!?
SOCIOPATHY: 2
It's so fun to see how much stronger you've become."
William: Yes, now she’ll be able to murder helpless villagers much more efficiently. Thank you, you have done your job well.
SOCIOPATHY: 3
"That just might be your downfall when I do beat you." Shiro grinned.
Brian: You don’t SAY.
William: It’s kind of hard to muster up any enthusiasm for when she beats him if she’s so certain of her victory despite her track record of unbroken defeat. That doesn’t speak of confidence, just delusional arrogance.
Brian: That, and it takes away any poignancy the scene might have, by spelling out the message RIGHT THERE, especially with such an overdone message.
"We'll see little girl." James ran at Shiro and she side stepped, Shiro grabbed James's wrist. He simply turned his wrist, grabbed hers and flipped her over.
William: *slow clap* Yes, I can see how you’re going to beat him.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 11
"Ice Blade!" Shiro jumped and slashed James, he turned his body into a liquid metal once more.
Brian: See!? THIS IS WHY YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING CHARACTER AND HAVE NO BUSINESS IN THIS SCENE. YOU’RE NOT A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR. YOU’RE JUST A WORTHLESS WASTE OF SPACE! Your powers can’t harm Weston, and his powers can’t harm you, and thus the fight is just one long stalemate. You can vary your attacks and try to pretend something exciting is happening, but we all know what’s going to happen -- IT WON’T WORK! That’s why Chase didn’t fucking NEED your help, injuries or not, because he’s got a power that can ACTUALLY hurt Weston, while Weston can’t hurt him! Even Pokémon knew that logic! And you’re screwing the fight up by deliberately not using him against Weston!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 12
He then cocked his fist back and made his hand solid metal.
"Take this!" James threw a punch at Shiro, and she ducked thinking it was aimed for her face. Thanks to James's Haki h knew this would happen and went low causing Shiro's face to get punched in anyways.
William: ...Haki or not, you can’t change the course of your punch midway! At least, you can’t without losing a LOT of momentum!
Brian: And I don’t think Haki let’s you see the future!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 13
COCKFISTS: 2
"Ah!" Shiro slid back in pain.
Brian: WHY DIDN’T YOU MAKE THAT GO THROUGH YOU, YOU FUCKTARD!?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 6
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 14
"If you're going to save someone please at least make a good impression." James cracked his knuckles.
William: No, if you’re going to save someone, then at least make sure they actually NEED saving!
Brian: And why let up the assault now? WEREN’T YOU GOING TO KILL THEM ALL!?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 7
"Don't worry..." Shiro checked her face as her nose bled.
Brian: He’s not worried, dear. NO ONE IS. Go die. Now. Please.
"Here...let me handle him." Chase steppd up in front of James and got ready to fight.
William: THANK YOU.
"No, I'll handle it." Shiro lunged at James and jumped over Chase.
Brian: ...WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO MAKE US SUFFER MORE OF THIS BULLSHIT!? WHYYYYYYYYYYY?
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 7
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 15
She cocked both her fist back, "Double Ice Spears!" Both of her arms turned into spears of ice as she dove down at James.
Brian: Apparently, despite you being a LOGIA, he can still hurt you with physical attacks, so why would you chose to engage him in melee combat? Just keep your distance and throw fucking darts at him!
COCKFIST: 4
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 8
"Impalement." James stepped on the ground and causing large spike pillars to impale Shiro, "Gotcha.”
William: *Sighs* These fake-outs stopped working about thirteen chapters ago, Stuthor. You’re not fooling anyone.
"No...way." Chase looked at James who just grinned,
Brian: Why are you so disbelieving? He’s a MARINE. It’s his JOB to kill pirates! What, are you the only person allowed to go around slaughtering people? At least he’s killing for a good reason!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 16
but then Shiro slowly turned into snow and fell apart.
William: Can she only turn into snow every ten minutes or something? Or does she keep forgetting she’s made out of snow because ~*~oooh, drama~*~?
"Hmmm..." James looked at where she fell.
Brian: *HEAD DESK* *HEAD DESK* *HEAD DESK*
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 7
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7
"Ice Prison!" Suddenly James was caught in a large block of ice, "Now I got you." Shiro grinned.
Brian: *FLAILS* IF YOU COULD DO THAT, WHY DIDN’T YOU DO IT BEFORE!?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 8
She picked up her blades
William: What for? They’re made out of ice! You can make new ones any time!
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 9
then walked over to Chase.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
Brian: Um...You want to do something about the battalion of soldiers there? They can’t exactly hurt you, but...they’re still there, you know. Or, you know, you wanna do something about Weston? Like, I don’t know, make pikes of ice grow inside the block and make him into swiss cheese? IS THIS REALLY THE TIME FOR SMALL TALK?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 9
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 18
"I'm fine, that was cool."
William: ...That pun had better not be intentional.
Chase sighed heavily struggling to stand from his wounds.
William: Funny how your injuries only show up when convenient. You certainly had no trouble standing around debating the futility of life a chapter ago.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 3
"It's fine." Shiro replied as she just looked at Chase,
The Voice: Look, you REALLY don’t need to describe it EVERY time a character looks at someone -- particularly someone they’re talking to! WE CAN ASSUME THAT!
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 2
"So you fought Broly?"
Brian: Word of mouth travels REALLY quickly in this universe. It’s only been one freaking week! And this is the world where communication is so limited between different islands that one can be medieval, while the one right next to it has futuristic technology!
"Me and my crew..." Chase responded.
William: YOUR crew? Since when did you become the Captain?
Brian: Well, what else did you think he was gonna do, once David was out of the way?
SOCIOPATHY: 4
"So after your fight with a Shichibukai you decide to fight an admiral?"
William: As much as I hate to defend him, he didn’t exactly have a freaking choice! What, were you expecting him to just hand himself in?
Brian: It was his fault for choosing to fight him ALONE, though.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 20
"Hmph, with Captain gone there's no one else to do any work right?"
Brian: FUCK. YOU. WHORE.
YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 1
"Now you won't be around either!"
"Huh?" Both turned to see James freed from Shiro's prison.
William: Wow. I totally did not see that coming. What a surprise. ...I think I want pizza for lunch.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 10 (Stealth IS a thing, people!)
"Impalement!" James slammed his hands on the ground and large steel spears arose again.
Brian: Because that’s worked SO well before.
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 10
"Dodge!" Chase jumped away from Shiro, and she jumped away from Chase.
William: ...Dodging is a special move that you have to call out the name before you can execute now?
"Steel Forest!" James created more steel pillars
Brian: Because that’s gonna work against people made out of electricity and snow, respectively. If bullets don’t work, what makes you think spears will?
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 11
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 21
and they quickly spread covering all of the land, "Try to escape." James called as he walked through.
William: Yeah, if there’s enough space for you to walk through, then there’s enough space for them to escape. YOU MORON.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 22
"Darn it...this guy is strong." Chase muttered,
Brian: HOW. No, seriously. HOW. He hasn’t been able to lay a SINGLE finger on you so far in the fight, and the ONLY reason he managed to injure Shiro is because she keeps forgetting she has powers! He is HARMLESS to you! He can show off all he likes, but he can’t hurt you unless you LET him!
William: Hell, even if he was going up against someone he CAN hurt, this guy has as much grasp on strategy and intelligence and the rest of this Stuthor’s characters. So if his opponent possessed even one brain cell, he’s still going to lose.
he needed to regroup with Shiro and they could fight James together.
William: ...Why would you want to? Your power is fucking electricity. Just grab him and electrocute his ass!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 11
"Here I am!" James came out of a solid steel pillar and kicked Chase in the chest sending him flying through into another.
Brian: Did you forget you have powers too!? If you can make BULLETS pass through you, why not freaking legs!?
William: And oh yes, go ahead and kick someone MADE OUT OF ELECTRICITY and assume they’ll be too stupid to use their powers against you. That’s a BRILLIANT plan.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 24
"Guah!" Chase fell to his knees.
"I think it's time for your death..."
Brian: YOU’VE BEEN THINKING THAT SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE LAST CHAPTER!
William: You know, death threats by villains really lose their urgency when you have it happen multiple times every single chapter, and follow up on exactly NONE of them.
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 12
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 9
"Try me!" Shiro leaped from the air and threw a kick at James.
Brian: What do you think he’s been doing for the first part of this chapter? He tried you already, and you FAILED.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 13
"Huh.." James sighed
The Voice: What kind of life do you have to lead to not know what sighing sound like?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 10
as he turned his hand into solid metal. He turned around and threw a punch,
William: WITHOUT cocking his fist? *LE GASP* Blasphemy!
Shiro turned into snow then wrapped her legs around his arm then kneed him in the stomach.
Brian: She...turned to snow and then...wrapped her legs around his arm...and THEN kneed him in the-- HOW DOES THIS WORK EVEN REMOTELY!?
William: She’d need three legs and weigh around fifteen pounds to do that.
"Hmph..." James slid back, and whipped the blood from his mouth,
Brian: Try whipped blood on your pies! Because whipped cream is SO last-season!
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 11
"Good shot. Sorry that now you're just starting to annoy me!"
Brian: BLOOD. FROM. THE. MOUTH. IS. MORE. THAN. AN. ANNOYANCE!
William: ...You mean she wasn’t annoying you before? ...How is this man not a saint?
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 4
James pointed his fingers all at Shiro, "Bullet Storm!" James released multiple bullets from his fingers.
"Ha!" Chase called out as caught all the bullets,
Brian: HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE STANDING UPRIGHT A FEW SECONDS AGO!
William: And what is even the point anyway? It’s not like bullets can hurt Shiro. You ever tried killing snow by shooting at it?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 12
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 5
"Haha, sorry seems like lightning is faster than bullets."
Brian: And kicking is faster than lightning?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 13
"Hmph, well you sure are electrifying." James grinned,
William: Stop referring to his stupid nickname! It didn’t make sense last chapter, and it still doesn’t make sense here!
Brian: It just makes him sound like a gimmicky porn star! Or maybe wrestler -- same difference.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 14
"Now both of you can die together! Raging Bullet Storm!"
Brian: HE. CAN. CATCH. BULLETS. He travels at the freaking speed of light! And failing that, he and Shiro are STILL made out of very immaterial things! What do you think you’re going to accomplish by shooting at them?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 25
"Wait..."
"Huh?" Everyone turned to see a certain someone standing ontop of the boat looking down at the three.
William: *Dully* Oh. Gee. I wonder who it is. I’m sure it can’t POSSIBLY be the guy the Stuthor insists on shoving into the limelight in EVERY fight, because he’s an overcompensating asshole.
"No way..." Chase said in awe.
"Who's this?" Shiro asked.
"Great...you." James sighed.
"I can't have you killing my First Mate, so...mind if I join?"
William: *rolls eyes*
Brian: Yeah, right, as if he was going to kill Chase. All he has in his arsenal are spears and bullets. HE. IS. HARMLESS.
"David!" Chase called.
"Hey!" David waved.
William: Well, that sure was triumphant and epic.
"If it isn't 'Monkey Boy' David." James sighed.
Brian: *Grits teeth* Trust me, he’s not nearly intelligent enough to compare with primates.
"Why don't you fight me instead?" David jumped down from the boat and landed in front of James, "So we gonna fight or what?"
William: Of fucking course you’re going to fight. That’s the only fucking thing you do in this verse. You don’t even explore islands or, hell, be pirates. You just go around picking random fights, because this Stuthor things an endless slew of action scenes is a good idea for a gimmick. Or maybe even he knows how much his emotional scenes suck balls.
Brian: And what a great job, removing any complications from getting in a fight with a Shichibukai in one chapter. Man, Oda was an idiot when he had Zoro’s injuries from his fight with Mihawk hinder him when he’s fighting Arlong’s underlings. That arc would have been WAY more suspenseful and epic if his injuries magically disappeared overnight and he effortlessly pwned all his enemies in a single panel!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 6
The Voice: And seeing as we’re all ranting, I want to address another fault with this story that should be evident at this point. The Stuthor is cramming way too many characters into his story way too fast. I know One Piece has a VERY large cast of main and side characters, some of whom disappear for hundreds of episodes at a time before suddenly showing back up with a main part in the story. But the thing is, with One Piece, it spends a long time getting us to know all the characters that are important to the story. That’s why it’s so long. Every new member of the main crew have an arc dedicated to them, where there’s plenty of action, sure, but we still get fifty or so chapters exploring their backstory and motivations and personality. And all the major villains get lengthy arcs where we can explore their distinctive styles of fighting and motives and so on. And even for the side characters, there are little bits here and there detailing their adventure and setting up who they are. As a result, despite the huge cast, every character contained feels unique, and we feel for every single one of them.
Here, however, characters are introduced and dispatched within the course of a single chapter. And even for characters in the main crew, they join within one chapter, after a brief fight scene. We never get any backstory or character development or even basic exploration into the character’s personalities. All we get is a brief description of physical details that just meld together because all of these characters are the EXACT SAME. I can switch the dialogue tags in this story around, and no one would be able to tell, because NONE of these characters have anything that stand out about them. Seriously, go back and compare the dialogues of Broly, Weston, and the Shark King and see if you can see ANY differences at all.
And because this Stuthor is determined to have as large a main cast as One Piece, the end result is that we don’t care about any of these characters, because we haven’t spend enough time with any of them to know who they are. Half the time, I can barely remember these characters names! Seriously, with checking, can you tell me David’s full name? Given the repetitive structure of the chapters, that makes what’s undoubtedly supposed to be an Epic tale of Adventure just...bland. I don’t give a shit, and even if I wanted to, I’d be incapable of giving a shit.
Because this is shit.
See you next time, guys!
FINAL COUNTS:
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 102+6 = 108
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 120+19 = 139
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 81+ 2 = 83
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 307+25 = 332
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 110+12 = 122
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 97+13 = 110 (Another count to break 100!)
SOCIOPATHY: 122+4 = 126
THESAURUS RAPE: 38+1 = 39
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 110+1 = 111
SWEATDROP: 8
YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 22+1 = 23
COCKFIST: 3+4 = 7
Go Forward to: Chapter 15, Part 1
Go Back to: Chapter 13, Part 2
William: *Face palm* Oh god, I’d forgotten this existed.
Brian: is it just me or are the chapter titles getting more and more ridiculous?
"You..." James looked on as he saw a twenty year old woman standing ontop of the pillar of ice that had stopped him from his attack.
Brian: *LE GASP* A hero who’s NOT a teenager? What is the world coming to!?
William: I highly doubt anyone who allies themselves with the protagonists of this story can be called a “hero”.
"Who are you?" Chase was able to mutter as he saw the woman stand there.
Brian: Oh, what the hell. He’s having trouble SPEAKING? He sure seemed to handle it fine when he was waxing philosophy last chapter!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 1
She was about average height, had long straight brunette hair,
William: Oh yes, that’s exactly what we need at a supposedly dramatic reveal. A lengthy, pointless list of physical details that NO ONE CARES ABOUT.
she wore a white shirt underneath black overals, a black miniskirt,
Brian: She’s wearing overalls AND a miniskirt? On what planet is this acceptable fashion!?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 1
and black boots. She jumped down from the pillar and faced Chase with her amethyst eyes.
William: *Gouges them out with a spoon*
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine,
William: What, you admit all that wincing and whining was just an act?
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 2
who are you?"
"I'm Shiro Kami." The girl smiled.
The Voice: ...Bitch, if you don’t know Japanese, don’t try and make up Japanese names. Just do a google search and pick the most popular Japanese name, because otherwise, you’re going to look like a STUPID, STUPID IDIOT.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 2
"Hmph, well I'm Chase."
Brian: Should you guys really be having this conversation in the middle of an all-out attack by the marines?
William: It’s a part of villain-etiquette to politely wait until the main characters are done with exposition.
ONOMATOEPOEIAS ARE COOL: 1
"The 'Snow Queen' herself. How amusing."
Brian: NO, IT’S NOT. We don’t feel anything other than APATHY if you don’t establish her character and backstory first before you have people fawning over her, like she’s some kind of legend! What has this woman even DONE?
James spoke as he pulled his hand from the ice pillar, "Too bad she won't be able to save you!"
Brian: He doesn’t NEED her to save him! YOU. CAN’T. HURT. HIM.
William: What the hell are you doing trying to pull your hand free? YOU CAN CHANGE IT TO WHATEVER SHAPE YOU WANT! Just make it smaller, and boom! You’re free!
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 1
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 1
James called as he broke down the ice pillar and rushed at Shiro with two metal blades for hands.
Brian: ...Why did you feel the need to destroy the ice pillar first? I mean, yeah, she’s on top of it, but you control metal. ALL METAL. YOU. ARE. MAGNETO. There’s no reason you can’t throw some projectiles at her!
William: Uh, did you forget how she’s a Logia? Therefore, logically, physical attacks aren’t going to hurt her? Just what do you plan to do with swords against someone who can dissolve into snow or something? These people need to play a couple of pokemon games. Elemental scissor-paper-rock isn’t that hard to fire out!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 2
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 3
"Whoa!" Shiro jumped back and pulled out two gunblades,
Brian: ...What.
William: ...There are some interesting technology in the One Piece universe -- like snails that act as phones -- but their weaponry is fairly basic, you know. Weapons out of Final Fantasy just doesn’t FIT in this universe.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 2
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 2
both of them were waveswords with pistols.
Brian: ...What.
William: ...I...have nothing.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 4
She blocked the first attack by James, but it wasn't enough. James leaped over her and axe kicked her shoulder.
"Ah!"
Brian: ...YOU’RE A LOGIA! YOU’RE MADE OUT OF SNOW! HOW CAN THAT HURT YOU AT ALL!? IT WOULD’VE GONE RIGHT THROUGH YOU! Or did you forget you had powers or something?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 5
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 3
Shiro turned around and fired the pistols from her weapons, the bullets went right through James.
Brian: JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A LOGIA, DOESN’T MEAN ATTACKS GO RIGHT THROUGH YOU! HE’S MADE OUT OF METAL. METAL!! THAT MEANS THE BULLETS SHOULD’VE BOUNCED OFF OF HIM OR SOMETHING!
William: And if he can turn into mercury, then why didn’t he do that earlier and float some microscopic amounts into the characters’s airways or throat? It doesn’t take much to induce mercury poisoning! Especially if not they're perfectly happy to stand around for hours and debate philosophy!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 3
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 6
"Nice try." James rushed at Shiro and cocked his fist back.
Brian: Dude, if the bullets really did go through you, metal-form or not, that means you’ve been injured! The sarcasm really doesn’t work when her attack was EFFECTIVE!
COCKFIST: 1
Shiro ducked down and went to stab James. Her blades went right through him.
"What the..."
"My Devil Fruit is a Logia, don't be too surprised."
Brian: ;ALSDKFJAK;LSD;ALKSDG;AKLSD HE’S MADE OF METAL. METAL. METAL, IN ALMOST ALL CASES, IS A SOLID AT ROOM TEMPREATURE.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 1 (What, you needed this to happen twice to figure out your attacks aren’t working?)
James commented as he kneed Shiro in the mouth, while holding onto her weapons and shooting them out of his back to seperate her from them.
Brian: ...What on earth...
William: Being made out of metal meant you could teleport weapons?
Brian: And while you were kneeing her in the mouth, why not make a giant spike come out of your knee, so you impale her head!? THIS IS NOT THAT HARD! You should know how to do this by the time you become an ADMIRAL!
JUST KILL HER, DAMMIT: 4
James ran at Shiro again and leaped in the air,
Brian: RAN at her!? YOU WERE HOLDING ONTO HER WEAPONS! YOU’RE ALREADY RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER!
William: And just where is Chase while all of this is happening. What, is he just standing by and watching Shiro having her ass kicked because god forbid more than two people be engaged in a fight?
Brian: He probably ran for the hills while he could.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 5
"Spear Driver!"
"Ice Darts!" Shiro threw multiple frozen darts at James, but he made them pass right through.
Brian: HE. CANNOT. DO. THAT.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 8
James thrusted his spear like arm forwards, Shiro moved her head to the side yet she was scratched.
Brian: ...HOW? SHE IS ACTUALLY MADE OF SNOW! SHE IS ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF MAKING ATTACKS PASS RIGHT THROUGH HER!
William: With every chapter, this makes less sense.
Brian: TELL ME ABOUT IT!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 9
"Huh?" She looked at the scratch,
William: ...The scratch that’s on her HEAD?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 4
then was kicked in the ribs, "Ah!"
"I'll kill you all." James announced
Brian: THEN WHY ARE YOU JUST KICKING HER, INSTEAD OF IMPALING HER!? USE YOUR POWERS, DAMMIT
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 5
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 5
as he raised his hands in the air then slammed them onto the ground, "Impalement!" James called out as he then summoned multiple metal spike pillars from the ground.
Brian: You can just MAKE metal grow out of nowhere!? THEN WHY NOT MAKE A SOLID CASE OF METAL GROW AROUND THEIR FACE AND SUFFOCATE THEM!? Or, using the idea before, make mercury appear in their blood stream or something!? THIS ISN’T THAT HARD!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 6
Chase was able to jump and dodge them by turning into lightning,
William: Which he just remembered he could do last chapter, apparently.
he looked down and saw Shiro standing there making them pass through her as well.
Brian: THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THAT BEFORE, YOU GODDAMNED MORON?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 10
"You sure have gotten stronger Weston." Shiro sighed.
William: Do there people even know what “MARINE ADMIRAL” means!?
"Yeah, and you still probably think you can beat me."
"I know I can." Shiro snickered.
Brian: BUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIT. Not even the fucking Four Kings of the Sea were completely confident that they can take on an Admiral!
William: But then again, this guy would’ve barely made it as an ordinary private in the canon marines, so what gives.
The Voice: Oh, and if you want us to take this situation seriously, don't use "snickered" in the middle of a supposedly epic scene!
THESAURUS RAPE: 1
"We'l see, out of all the times we've fought you've never once beaten me." James explained.
William: Oh fantastic. Out of all the things, you decide to plagiarise Zoro’s backstory. Except instead of something that was genuinely tragic, you turn it into immature playground grudges.
Brian: And, of course, make the party that’s always losing female. Because god forbid a woman defeat a man!
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 1
"Then tell me how I escape?"
"I let you. For the fun, the thrill have having to hunt you down.
William: ...I am not amused.
Brian: She is a PIRATE. You let her go to pillage and burn and terrorise villages, just so you’d have the fun of chasing down someone you KNOW is inferior to you? You doomed god knows how many people to death, just because you want to go chase someone who’s CLEARLY weaker than you!? You’re a freaking admiral! You can find pirates weaker than you to hunt down any time! Why fucking fixate on her!?
In canon, when marine officers some times let pirates go, it’s only after the pirates did something that made the marine officers IN DEBT to them! Like Luffy defeating a tyrant that was ruling over the village with an iron fist! And when they chase after a particular pirate for fun, it’s always because they’re more or on even footing! Because they’re a WORTHY OPPONENT! What is the POINT of setting up a rivalry or something when there’s no actually fucking rivalry going on, only BULLYING!?
SOCIOPATHY: 2
It's so fun to see how much stronger you've become."
William: Yes, now she’ll be able to murder helpless villagers much more efficiently. Thank you, you have done your job well.
SOCIOPATHY: 3
"That just might be your downfall when I do beat you." Shiro grinned.
Brian: You don’t SAY.
William: It’s kind of hard to muster up any enthusiasm for when she beats him if she’s so certain of her victory despite her track record of unbroken defeat. That doesn’t speak of confidence, just delusional arrogance.
Brian: That, and it takes away any poignancy the scene might have, by spelling out the message RIGHT THERE, especially with such an overdone message.
"We'll see little girl." James ran at Shiro and she side stepped, Shiro grabbed James's wrist. He simply turned his wrist, grabbed hers and flipped her over.
William: *slow clap* Yes, I can see how you’re going to beat him.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 11
"Ice Blade!" Shiro jumped and slashed James, he turned his body into a liquid metal once more.
Brian: See!? THIS IS WHY YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING CHARACTER AND HAVE NO BUSINESS IN THIS SCENE. YOU’RE NOT A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR. YOU’RE JUST A WORTHLESS WASTE OF SPACE! Your powers can’t harm Weston, and his powers can’t harm you, and thus the fight is just one long stalemate. You can vary your attacks and try to pretend something exciting is happening, but we all know what’s going to happen -- IT WON’T WORK! That’s why Chase didn’t fucking NEED your help, injuries or not, because he’s got a power that can ACTUALLY hurt Weston, while Weston can’t hurt him! Even Pokémon knew that logic! And you’re screwing the fight up by deliberately not using him against Weston!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 12
He then cocked his fist back and made his hand solid metal.
"Take this!" James threw a punch at Shiro, and she ducked thinking it was aimed for her face. Thanks to James's Haki h knew this would happen and went low causing Shiro's face to get punched in anyways.
William: ...Haki or not, you can’t change the course of your punch midway! At least, you can’t without losing a LOT of momentum!
Brian: And I don’t think Haki let’s you see the future!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 13
COCKFISTS: 2
"Ah!" Shiro slid back in pain.
Brian: WHY DIDN’T YOU MAKE THAT GO THROUGH YOU, YOU FUCKTARD!?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 6
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 14
"If you're going to save someone please at least make a good impression." James cracked his knuckles.
William: No, if you’re going to save someone, then at least make sure they actually NEED saving!
Brian: And why let up the assault now? WEREN’T YOU GOING TO KILL THEM ALL!?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 7
"Don't worry..." Shiro checked her face as her nose bled.
Brian: He’s not worried, dear. NO ONE IS. Go die. Now. Please.
"Here...let me handle him." Chase steppd up in front of James and got ready to fight.
William: THANK YOU.
"No, I'll handle it." Shiro lunged at James and jumped over Chase.
Brian: ...WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO MAKE US SUFFER MORE OF THIS BULLSHIT!? WHYYYYYYYYYYY?
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 7
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 15
She cocked both her fist back, "Double Ice Spears!" Both of her arms turned into spears of ice as she dove down at James.
Brian: Apparently, despite you being a LOGIA, he can still hurt you with physical attacks, so why would you chose to engage him in melee combat? Just keep your distance and throw fucking darts at him!
COCKFIST: 4
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 8
"Impalement." James stepped on the ground and causing large spike pillars to impale Shiro, "Gotcha.”
William: *Sighs* These fake-outs stopped working about thirteen chapters ago, Stuthor. You’re not fooling anyone.
"No...way." Chase looked at James who just grinned,
Brian: Why are you so disbelieving? He’s a MARINE. It’s his JOB to kill pirates! What, are you the only person allowed to go around slaughtering people? At least he’s killing for a good reason!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 16
but then Shiro slowly turned into snow and fell apart.
William: Can she only turn into snow every ten minutes or something? Or does she keep forgetting she’s made out of snow because ~*~oooh, drama~*~?
"Hmmm..." James looked at where she fell.
Brian: *HEAD DESK* *HEAD DESK* *HEAD DESK*
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 7
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 7
"Ice Prison!" Suddenly James was caught in a large block of ice, "Now I got you." Shiro grinned.
Brian: *FLAILS* IF YOU COULD DO THAT, WHY DIDN’T YOU DO IT BEFORE!?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 8
She picked up her blades
William: What for? They’re made out of ice! You can make new ones any time!
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 9
then walked over to Chase.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
Brian: Um...You want to do something about the battalion of soldiers there? They can’t exactly hurt you, but...they’re still there, you know. Or, you know, you wanna do something about Weston? Like, I don’t know, make pikes of ice grow inside the block and make him into swiss cheese? IS THIS REALLY THE TIME FOR SMALL TALK?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 9
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 18
"I'm fine, that was cool."
William: ...That pun had better not be intentional.
Chase sighed heavily struggling to stand from his wounds.
William: Funny how your injuries only show up when convenient. You certainly had no trouble standing around debating the futility of life a chapter ago.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 3
"It's fine." Shiro replied as she just looked at Chase,
The Voice: Look, you REALLY don’t need to describe it EVERY time a character looks at someone -- particularly someone they’re talking to! WE CAN ASSUME THAT!
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 2
"So you fought Broly?"
Brian: Word of mouth travels REALLY quickly in this universe. It’s only been one freaking week! And this is the world where communication is so limited between different islands that one can be medieval, while the one right next to it has futuristic technology!
"Me and my crew..." Chase responded.
William: YOUR crew? Since when did you become the Captain?
Brian: Well, what else did you think he was gonna do, once David was out of the way?
SOCIOPATHY: 4
"So after your fight with a Shichibukai you decide to fight an admiral?"
William: As much as I hate to defend him, he didn’t exactly have a freaking choice! What, were you expecting him to just hand himself in?
Brian: It was his fault for choosing to fight him ALONE, though.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 20
"Hmph, with Captain gone there's no one else to do any work right?"
Brian: FUCK. YOU. WHORE.
YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 1
"Now you won't be around either!"
"Huh?" Both turned to see James freed from Shiro's prison.
William: Wow. I totally did not see that coming. What a surprise. ...I think I want pizza for lunch.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 10 (Stealth IS a thing, people!)
"Impalement!" James slammed his hands on the ground and large steel spears arose again.
Brian: Because that’s worked SO well before.
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 10
"Dodge!" Chase jumped away from Shiro, and she jumped away from Chase.
William: ...Dodging is a special move that you have to call out the name before you can execute now?
"Steel Forest!" James created more steel pillars
Brian: Because that’s gonna work against people made out of electricity and snow, respectively. If bullets don’t work, what makes you think spears will?
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 11
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 21
and they quickly spread covering all of the land, "Try to escape." James called as he walked through.
William: Yeah, if there’s enough space for you to walk through, then there’s enough space for them to escape. YOU MORON.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 22
"Darn it...this guy is strong." Chase muttered,
Brian: HOW. No, seriously. HOW. He hasn’t been able to lay a SINGLE finger on you so far in the fight, and the ONLY reason he managed to injure Shiro is because she keeps forgetting she has powers! He is HARMLESS to you! He can show off all he likes, but he can’t hurt you unless you LET him!
William: Hell, even if he was going up against someone he CAN hurt, this guy has as much grasp on strategy and intelligence and the rest of this Stuthor’s characters. So if his opponent possessed even one brain cell, he’s still going to lose.
he needed to regroup with Shiro and they could fight James together.
William: ...Why would you want to? Your power is fucking electricity. Just grab him and electrocute his ass!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 11
"Here I am!" James came out of a solid steel pillar and kicked Chase in the chest sending him flying through into another.
Brian: Did you forget you have powers too!? If you can make BULLETS pass through you, why not freaking legs!?
William: And oh yes, go ahead and kick someone MADE OUT OF ELECTRICITY and assume they’ll be too stupid to use their powers against you. That’s a BRILLIANT plan.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 24
"Guah!" Chase fell to his knees.
"I think it's time for your death..."
Brian: YOU’VE BEEN THINKING THAT SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE LAST CHAPTER!
William: You know, death threats by villains really lose their urgency when you have it happen multiple times every single chapter, and follow up on exactly NONE of them.
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 12
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 9
"Try me!" Shiro leaped from the air and threw a kick at James.
Brian: What do you think he’s been doing for the first part of this chapter? He tried you already, and you FAILED.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 13
"Huh.." James sighed
The Voice: What kind of life do you have to lead to not know what sighing sound like?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 10
as he turned his hand into solid metal. He turned around and threw a punch,
William: WITHOUT cocking his fist? *LE GASP* Blasphemy!
Shiro turned into snow then wrapped her legs around his arm then kneed him in the stomach.
Brian: She...turned to snow and then...wrapped her legs around his arm...and THEN kneed him in the-- HOW DOES THIS WORK EVEN REMOTELY!?
William: She’d need three legs and weigh around fifteen pounds to do that.
"Hmph..." James slid back, and whipped the blood from his mouth,
Brian: Try whipped blood on your pies! Because whipped cream is SO last-season!
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 11
"Good shot. Sorry that now you're just starting to annoy me!"
Brian: BLOOD. FROM. THE. MOUTH. IS. MORE. THAN. AN. ANNOYANCE!
William: ...You mean she wasn’t annoying you before? ...How is this man not a saint?
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 4
James pointed his fingers all at Shiro, "Bullet Storm!" James released multiple bullets from his fingers.
"Ha!" Chase called out as caught all the bullets,
Brian: HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE STANDING UPRIGHT A FEW SECONDS AGO!
William: And what is even the point anyway? It’s not like bullets can hurt Shiro. You ever tried killing snow by shooting at it?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 12
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 5
"Haha, sorry seems like lightning is faster than bullets."
Brian: And kicking is faster than lightning?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 13
"Hmph, well you sure are electrifying." James grinned,
William: Stop referring to his stupid nickname! It didn’t make sense last chapter, and it still doesn’t make sense here!
Brian: It just makes him sound like a gimmicky porn star! Or maybe wrestler -- same difference.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 14
"Now both of you can die together! Raging Bullet Storm!"
Brian: HE. CAN. CATCH. BULLETS. He travels at the freaking speed of light! And failing that, he and Shiro are STILL made out of very immaterial things! What do you think you’re going to accomplish by shooting at them?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 25
"Wait..."
"Huh?" Everyone turned to see a certain someone standing ontop of the boat looking down at the three.
William: *Dully* Oh. Gee. I wonder who it is. I’m sure it can’t POSSIBLY be the guy the Stuthor insists on shoving into the limelight in EVERY fight, because he’s an overcompensating asshole.
"No way..." Chase said in awe.
"Who's this?" Shiro asked.
"Great...you." James sighed.
"I can't have you killing my First Mate, so...mind if I join?"
William: *rolls eyes*
Brian: Yeah, right, as if he was going to kill Chase. All he has in his arsenal are spears and bullets. HE. IS. HARMLESS.
"David!" Chase called.
"Hey!" David waved.
William: Well, that sure was triumphant and epic.
"If it isn't 'Monkey Boy' David." James sighed.
Brian: *Grits teeth* Trust me, he’s not nearly intelligent enough to compare with primates.
"Why don't you fight me instead?" David jumped down from the boat and landed in front of James, "So we gonna fight or what?"
William: Of fucking course you’re going to fight. That’s the only fucking thing you do in this verse. You don’t even explore islands or, hell, be pirates. You just go around picking random fights, because this Stuthor things an endless slew of action scenes is a good idea for a gimmick. Or maybe even he knows how much his emotional scenes suck balls.
Brian: And what a great job, removing any complications from getting in a fight with a Shichibukai in one chapter. Man, Oda was an idiot when he had Zoro’s injuries from his fight with Mihawk hinder him when he’s fighting Arlong’s underlings. That arc would have been WAY more suspenseful and epic if his injuries magically disappeared overnight and he effortlessly pwned all his enemies in a single panel!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 6
The Voice: And seeing as we’re all ranting, I want to address another fault with this story that should be evident at this point. The Stuthor is cramming way too many characters into his story way too fast. I know One Piece has a VERY large cast of main and side characters, some of whom disappear for hundreds of episodes at a time before suddenly showing back up with a main part in the story. But the thing is, with One Piece, it spends a long time getting us to know all the characters that are important to the story. That’s why it’s so long. Every new member of the main crew have an arc dedicated to them, where there’s plenty of action, sure, but we still get fifty or so chapters exploring their backstory and motivations and personality. And all the major villains get lengthy arcs where we can explore their distinctive styles of fighting and motives and so on. And even for the side characters, there are little bits here and there detailing their adventure and setting up who they are. As a result, despite the huge cast, every character contained feels unique, and we feel for every single one of them.
Here, however, characters are introduced and dispatched within the course of a single chapter. And even for characters in the main crew, they join within one chapter, after a brief fight scene. We never get any backstory or character development or even basic exploration into the character’s personalities. All we get is a brief description of physical details that just meld together because all of these characters are the EXACT SAME. I can switch the dialogue tags in this story around, and no one would be able to tell, because NONE of these characters have anything that stand out about them. Seriously, go back and compare the dialogues of Broly, Weston, and the Shark King and see if you can see ANY differences at all.
And because this Stuthor is determined to have as large a main cast as One Piece, the end result is that we don’t care about any of these characters, because we haven’t spend enough time with any of them to know who they are. Half the time, I can barely remember these characters names! Seriously, with checking, can you tell me David’s full name? Given the repetitive structure of the chapters, that makes what’s undoubtedly supposed to be an Epic tale of Adventure just...bland. I don’t give a shit, and even if I wanted to, I’d be incapable of giving a shit.
Because this is shit.
See you next time, guys!
FINAL COUNTS:
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 102+6 = 108
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 120+19 = 139
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 81+ 2 = 83
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 307+25 = 332
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 110+12 = 122
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 97+13 = 110 (Another count to break 100!)
SOCIOPATHY: 122+4 = 126
THESAURUS RAPE: 38+1 = 39
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 110+1 = 111
SWEATDROP: 8
YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 22+1 = 23
COCKFIST: 3+4 = 7
Go Forward to: Chapter 15, Part 1
Go Back to: Chapter 13, Part 2