IC Prospective: Bro Strider

[brotherlystride]

Character: Bro Strider
Mun: James
Plot specific: N

Comments

[clockspinner]

oh damn it bro what the fuck are you doing here
dont you torture me enough at home that you have to follow me to school too
im not writing you fifty god damn inches on making shit fly
i can do it in two words watch me here goes

wingardium
leviosa

and what is with that five am shit
bro do you ever even sleep
scratch that your snoring has kept me up more nights than i can count
its like a battalion of mobile lumbermills mowing down the rebel army of small warlike teddy bears in a bloody aborted revolution

[brotherlystride]

dude
lil man
you wound me
im here cuz i missed you
the house is so big and empty
without your warm and loving presence
it just aint home anymore
cant a big bro miss his little bro
and get a job teachin him how to use his wand

but it looks like hogwarts has turned you into
one sassy backtalking motherfucker
i think i got here just in time
you need a big heaping spoonful of puppet ass
itll help man
youll be back to normal soon i promise

and for the record im a vampire
so no dave i dont sleep
i stay up all night watching you sleep
making sure the monster in your trunk doesnt get you

[clockspinner]

man im so touched
its like lets have a big emotional cry party up in here
i dont think i can contain myself
you miss me when im away?
yeah you miss not having anyone to swordfight on the roof is what you mean

...whoa hold up
teach me how to use my wand??
dude bro do you even know how perverted that sounds what the fuck
incest is not best

dont even think about coming at me like some smuppety mary fucking poppins
a spoonful of ass does not make the god damn medicine go down

way to be creepy bro
youve been reading those ironic as shit twilight books again havent you
just dont rub yourself in glitter and sneak into my room naked
cause theres laws against that shit man

[brotherlystride]

swordfighting builds character
the ladies like guys who can handle their swords

oh my gog dave my eyes
my poor innocent eyes
how could you suggest something as awful and taboo as that
is that secretly what you want
are you looking for implications because you
no i cant even think about it
im sorry but im not going to indulge you in this
talking about it will just make it harder to not act on your fantasies
im sorry dude
sorry that i have to break your little fetishist heart

fuck i dont think i can get my money back on this glitter
so it looks like ill have to do it anyway
consider it punishment for calling those abominations ironic
fuck the popo i need to teach your a lesson

[grimdarklight]

I am unsure of whether this is the correct salutation to offer up to a person of authority, but I feel that the occasion merits it.

Sup, bro.

[brotherlystride]

you know most of these old fuckers would be all
that is sir and or madam to you
because you are a student you dipshit
and gotta be respecting everybody
but you call me sir and im giving you detention
and with that said

hows it goin lalonde

[grimdarklight]

In light of your highly unorthodox threat, I shall have to make a better effort to curb any communicable expression of my ever-growing respect for you, good bro.

In answer to your question, however. I'm perfectly chill.
How about you?

[brotherlystride]

then i guess if you love me that much and feel the need you be all respectful i dont blame you
in which case you may call me madam
that way it would be ironic
and would probably make me feel pretty
everyone wins

im chill as ice
im practically in a tub of fucking ice

actually im bored as shit
whats there to even do around here
been a while since ive been here yknow
so im not privvy to all the hidden wonders and glory of hogwarts anymore