[Fanfiction - The GazettE] Whispers of Children Reita/Aoi [1/?]
Title: Whispers of Children
Author: sorrowofanangel
Chapter: 1 of ?
Genre: Romance, angst, mental illness, 1st person narrative (more to add as we go ~)
Band: The GazettE
Pairing: Reita x Aoi/ Aoi x Reita (main) Kai x Uruha/ Uruha x Kai, Reita x Kai (one sided)
WARNINGS: Strong language, depression, mental illness, (more to add as we go ~)
DISCLAIMER: Yes, I own them . . . In fact Kai's in my kitchen right now (huhuhuu~) No, I don't own them o.e
Rating: PG
Synopsis: "I moved away to escape my past. Foolishly I believed a new start would help me forget. Help me move on. What I hadn't realised... was that it will follow you wherever you go. No one can know. No one. And that includes Yuu..."
Summary: Akira soon discovers his new neighbourhood might not be what it seems . . .
Notes: Please enjoy. Comments are loved as always. I might not have enough time to write in the next few days. I have a driving test coming up and Uni enrolment forms to fill XD XD XD But I'll try my best, I promise <33
The prologue can be found in my archive (HERE)
*
I sigh heavily and cradle the phone tighter in the crook of my neck.
Yep. Trying to cook dinner and deal with a frantic woman on the other end of the phone wasn’t a good idea.
Mental note: never try it again,
“No, Akira-san!!” my agent shrieks at me, and I almost drop the phone in reaction to the volume, “The publishers have given you two more weeks to hand that manuscript in. You haven’t produced anything!”
“Please bear in mind I’ve only just moved house,” I mumble lowly, wincing as the hissing in the pan gets louder and I shoot a quick glance to my watch.
Ah crap, I didn’t realise how late it was,
“Look, I promise I’ll have the next chapter finished by this weekend,” I blurt out, not entirely sure if the words or true or whether I’m just saying them to make her hang up,
“And how many times have I heard that line hm?” she spits back at me, and I curse mentally as the doorbell sounds,
“Look, I’m gonna have to go!” I shout at her, catching a curse word from her end before I finally manage to hang up.
Time after time I’d promised myself I’d hire a new agent; but then time after time I wondered why I still hadn’t done it.
Maybe novelists really are this unorganised.
I sigh at the stereotype that’s been thrown at me countless times, draping a dishcloth over my shoulder as I padded down the hall to answer the door.
A hamper was being shoved in my face the minute I opened it, Kai’s smile glisteningly catchable behind it,
“Evening, Aki!” he chirped, “I found this on the door for you -“
I snatched it from him with a scowl, “Yeah and it’s only about the millionth one I’ve had to clear off of my doorstep in the past twenty-four hours,”
“Well, what’s wrong with people welcoming you to the neighbourhood?” Kai moaned, shrugging of his jacket and allowing me to perch it on the coat rack by the door, “It’s cute,”
I smile a little, “You should know I don’t do cute by now, Kai,”
By the time I’d shown him around the house and listened to every complimentary adjective Kai could think of, I’d almost managed to burn down the kitchen before he’d actually stepped inside it,
“Ah shit!” water bubbled over the pan and I struggled to turn down the gas, my finger stinging like hell from the grill I’d so cleverly managed to scald myself with,
“So . . .” I picked up Kai’s amused tone with just that word alone, “. . . How’s bachelor life doing for ya?”
I feel him watching me make a fool of myself playing Happy Chefs, sitting on the stool against one of the counters with mocking eyes,
“How’s gay life going for you?” I snap, bringing out some plates from a cupboard now that things are generally under control.
Kai only answered when the stir fry was plated up before him, and we were sat together on the rear porch of the house, listening to the ocean waves roll on shore one by one; the meals I’d prepared and the glasses of wine perched on small wooden tables in front of us,
“Look, just because you disapprove of Uruha . . .” Kai munched, his eyes shining wonderfully against the autumn darkness, his smile widening the more my scowl grew deeper,
“No, I like the guy,” I didn’t even know if that was a lie or not, but I had to force myself to look at the ocean every time we mentioned his name, “I’m just pissed you chose him over me,”
Kai is thoughtful for a moment, swirling his fork around the edges of the plate, pretending to pick up any leftovers when in actual fact, I knew he was wordless. Or wondering how to put together his next sentence in the hope his word choice might insult me less,
“Don’t make me go over this again,” he mumbled at last.
My turn to swirl the fork,
“Why not?” I ask, the coastal wind stealing my voice away from me, dimming it down to only a whisper, “It’s not like I care or anything, Kai, I’m just interested as to why,”
I remember the heartbreak clearly. If anyone remembers but a single thing in life, it has to be the first time they fall in love with someone.
But with Kai it was different. I ended up watching him from afar; being no more than a friend as we grew up year after year in high school. Then we made it to college. And then university.
Of course he was oblivious to how I felt. Day after day, I wondered to myself how, if ever, I would tell him the truth.
And when I finally did . . . it was already too late. My motivation not spurred on by passion but rather by jealousy.
Uruha. The new boy who’d joined Kai’s Sociology class halfway through the spring term. Kai ended up being his mentor. They spent lunches in the library together, went out for drinks together after classes ended.
Leaving me with my heart in my hands.
I suppose I blame myself. If I hadn’t have seen them kissing behind the club, who knows what would have happened.
It tore me apart. To think that someone I had known for longer, who I had harboured feelings for for longer, had been snatched away from me by the very grasp of a stranger.
So I made the mistake of getting drunk . . . telling him exactly what I thought.
And after I’d slurred away my dignity as well as my love for him, I ended up hung-over the following morning, Kai sitting beside me still dressed from the night before,
“Did you mean what you said?”
The headache throbbed like hell against my skull, and it took all my strength to hear you, feeling the memories come back one by one in a gentle replay,
“Yes,” I croak to you, wondering if the gasp you made was something positive or not,
“Aki . . .” you take my hand. I swear to you my heart lifts a little, as though raising itself to your seal,
“Kai, I love you,” I whisper, my head feeling groggy there against the couch cushion, grateful for you crouching down to my level, “Kai, I’ve always loved you. Ever since we were kids . . .”
“Aki . . .” I wonder why you’re shaking your head. There are no tears of happiness either,
“Kai, you have to believe me,”
“I do but . . .”
I’ll never forget the words that followed after that. In fact it’s painful to try.
And yet here we were, five years after graduating, trying to hold onto the friendship we’d built so well together as children.
But as adults it even hurts,
“I’d already fallen in love with Uruha, Aki, you know that,” Kai sighs against the breeze, leaving an unwelcome chill in my chest,
“I know,” my voice sounds hollow. Am I crying?
“What good would it have done for us anyway?” Kai murmurs gently, watching as I push my unwanted food away, “We both had different aspirations and besides . . . we're too good at being friends,”
I’ve heard this speech before; but I want him to tell it to me over and over again. In the hope that someday, he might just convince me of it,
“But it’s not like you feel the same way now anyway right?” Kai’s face passes a smile, reaching for his wineglass.
I nod, reaching for my glass too, “Right,”
Oh Kai . . . if only you weren’t so gullible.
*
It’s past midnight when we’re nibbling on popcorn and nachos, sitting in the dark watching an action film Kai had brought over to serve as entertainment.
Unfortunately my blu-ray player hadn’t arrived from the electronics store yet. And I’m still pissed about it,
“You wanna stay over tonight?”
As expected, Kai shakes his head, “Nah, I’d love to but I better be getting back,”
I try not to let that feeling of jealousy take advantage of me, “Uruha’s expecting you right?”
Kai stretches his arms high in the air, the credits now rolling on-screen, “Well, that and work,” he grins,
“Ah,”
I sit silent in my seat, letting my eyebrows rise as he gets on all fours to crawl over to the DVD player. His ass stands out like a sore thumb as he bends his front low to retrieve the disk, the back pockets of his jeans wiggling side to side at me, as though completely in a tease.
Perhaps I still lied to him now for his own protection. Or maybe to love someone, you just have to let them go sometimes.
I smile gently as Kai snaps the DVD case shut, turning to me with a sad smile,
“I enjoyed tonight,” he says shyly, and I notice a small blush tinge his cheeks, “And I’m glad to see you’ve settled in nicely,”
I stand up and walk him back into the hallway, leaning against the staircase while he retrieves his jacket, trying not to take in the gracefulness of his posture, the smooth skin underneath that jumper . . .
“You worried me on the phone the other night,” he murmurs away from me, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I stuff my hands in my jean pockets; feeling an embarrassing shade of my own stretch across my face and down to my neck,
“I’m sorry,” I sigh, “I never meant to shout at you like that. It was just . . . I just . . .”
“I know,” he turns around then, warm hands wrapping around my waist, “I know . . .”
I close my eyes against his shoulder, my eyes stinging as tainted tears move in to invade, “I’m so sorry . . .”
But sorry wouldn’t save me now would it? It was just a word.
Words often mean nothing to me,
“You won’t find me Aki . . .”
I flinch against him, Kai’s embrace tightening around me and pretty soon I feel his hands rub up and down against my shoulders,
“I’ll always be on the end of the phone for you,” he says softly, almost perfectly into my ear, “Or even just drive by and invade my house or stop by the restaurant, I won’t mind,”
I laugh a little, “Maybe I will,”
“You’re not alone in this,” he adds, and even though he may think it’s for my benefit alone; he’s in fact wrong.
Because I am alone,
“Don’t shut out on me, Akira,” Kai tells me as soon as we break apart, the warmth of his body against my own heating what remainder of a soul I had left, “I can help you . . . if you let me,”
Minutes later I’m waving goodbye, watching his sedan rumble down the street. Away from me and back to him.
Back to what I couldn’t have . . .
I shake my head to stop that feeling; turning to see another hamper sitting on my porch.
I wonder why I didn’t even notice it before, and when I step closer to retrieve it I notice it’s filled with the norm. A couple of apples, some flowers, the odd box of chocolates and frills of decoration here and there.
But this time there is no “Welcome to the Neighbourhood” card like I’ve found in all the rest.
Instead, a rectangle of folded notepaper is attached to the bow by a staple, and I rip it off to read - it’s only polite right?
There were only four words. Four words that suddenly changed my opinion on Kai’s perspective of my ‘friendly’ neighbours,
“Oh my . . .” I mouth, my head snapping up to look up and down the quiet street; finding no lonely soul or screaming victim that could possibly have written such a note.
Four words,
Dear Mister,
Help me.
*
A/N: Stay with it (^__^) We're gonna be getting interesting now <33 Comments are adored as always my lovelies! *Presents muffins*
And guys . . . you DO know that there is a prologue before this right?? O>o"
Author: sorrowofanangel
Chapter: 1 of ?
Genre: Romance, angst, mental illness, 1st person narrative (more to add as we go ~)
Band: The GazettE
Pairing: Reita x Aoi/ Aoi x Reita (main) Kai x Uruha/ Uruha x Kai, Reita x Kai (one sided)
WARNINGS: Strong language, depression, mental illness, (more to add as we go ~)
DISCLAIMER: Yes, I own them . . . In fact Kai's in my kitchen right now (huhuhuu~) No, I don't own them o.e
Rating: PG
Synopsis: "I moved away to escape my past. Foolishly I believed a new start would help me forget. Help me move on. What I hadn't realised... was that it will follow you wherever you go. No one can know. No one. And that includes Yuu..."
Summary: Akira soon discovers his new neighbourhood might not be what it seems . . .
Notes: Please enjoy. Comments are loved as always. I might not have enough time to write in the next few days. I have a driving test coming up and Uni enrolment forms to fill XD XD XD But I'll try my best, I promise <33
The prologue can be found in my archive (HERE)
*
I sigh heavily and cradle the phone tighter in the crook of my neck.
Yep. Trying to cook dinner and deal with a frantic woman on the other end of the phone wasn’t a good idea.
Mental note: never try it again,
“No, Akira-san!!” my agent shrieks at me, and I almost drop the phone in reaction to the volume, “The publishers have given you two more weeks to hand that manuscript in. You haven’t produced anything!”
“Please bear in mind I’ve only just moved house,” I mumble lowly, wincing as the hissing in the pan gets louder and I shoot a quick glance to my watch.
Ah crap, I didn’t realise how late it was,
“Look, I promise I’ll have the next chapter finished by this weekend,” I blurt out, not entirely sure if the words or true or whether I’m just saying them to make her hang up,
“And how many times have I heard that line hm?” she spits back at me, and I curse mentally as the doorbell sounds,
“Look, I’m gonna have to go!” I shout at her, catching a curse word from her end before I finally manage to hang up.
Time after time I’d promised myself I’d hire a new agent; but then time after time I wondered why I still hadn’t done it.
Maybe novelists really are this unorganised.
I sigh at the stereotype that’s been thrown at me countless times, draping a dishcloth over my shoulder as I padded down the hall to answer the door.
A hamper was being shoved in my face the minute I opened it, Kai’s smile glisteningly catchable behind it,
“Evening, Aki!” he chirped, “I found this on the door for you -“
I snatched it from him with a scowl, “Yeah and it’s only about the millionth one I’ve had to clear off of my doorstep in the past twenty-four hours,”
“Well, what’s wrong with people welcoming you to the neighbourhood?” Kai moaned, shrugging of his jacket and allowing me to perch it on the coat rack by the door, “It’s cute,”
I smile a little, “You should know I don’t do cute by now, Kai,”
By the time I’d shown him around the house and listened to every complimentary adjective Kai could think of, I’d almost managed to burn down the kitchen before he’d actually stepped inside it,
“Ah shit!” water bubbled over the pan and I struggled to turn down the gas, my finger stinging like hell from the grill I’d so cleverly managed to scald myself with,
“So . . .” I picked up Kai’s amused tone with just that word alone, “. . . How’s bachelor life doing for ya?”
I feel him watching me make a fool of myself playing Happy Chefs, sitting on the stool against one of the counters with mocking eyes,
“How’s gay life going for you?” I snap, bringing out some plates from a cupboard now that things are generally under control.
Kai only answered when the stir fry was plated up before him, and we were sat together on the rear porch of the house, listening to the ocean waves roll on shore one by one; the meals I’d prepared and the glasses of wine perched on small wooden tables in front of us,
“Look, just because you disapprove of Uruha . . .” Kai munched, his eyes shining wonderfully against the autumn darkness, his smile widening the more my scowl grew deeper,
“No, I like the guy,” I didn’t even know if that was a lie or not, but I had to force myself to look at the ocean every time we mentioned his name, “I’m just pissed you chose him over me,”
Kai is thoughtful for a moment, swirling his fork around the edges of the plate, pretending to pick up any leftovers when in actual fact, I knew he was wordless. Or wondering how to put together his next sentence in the hope his word choice might insult me less,
“Don’t make me go over this again,” he mumbled at last.
My turn to swirl the fork,
“Why not?” I ask, the coastal wind stealing my voice away from me, dimming it down to only a whisper, “It’s not like I care or anything, Kai, I’m just interested as to why,”
I remember the heartbreak clearly. If anyone remembers but a single thing in life, it has to be the first time they fall in love with someone.
But with Kai it was different. I ended up watching him from afar; being no more than a friend as we grew up year after year in high school. Then we made it to college. And then university.
Of course he was oblivious to how I felt. Day after day, I wondered to myself how, if ever, I would tell him the truth.
And when I finally did . . . it was already too late. My motivation not spurred on by passion but rather by jealousy.
Uruha. The new boy who’d joined Kai’s Sociology class halfway through the spring term. Kai ended up being his mentor. They spent lunches in the library together, went out for drinks together after classes ended.
Leaving me with my heart in my hands.
I suppose I blame myself. If I hadn’t have seen them kissing behind the club, who knows what would have happened.
It tore me apart. To think that someone I had known for longer, who I had harboured feelings for for longer, had been snatched away from me by the very grasp of a stranger.
So I made the mistake of getting drunk . . . telling him exactly what I thought.
And after I’d slurred away my dignity as well as my love for him, I ended up hung-over the following morning, Kai sitting beside me still dressed from the night before,
“Did you mean what you said?”
The headache throbbed like hell against my skull, and it took all my strength to hear you, feeling the memories come back one by one in a gentle replay,
“Yes,” I croak to you, wondering if the gasp you made was something positive or not,
“Aki . . .” you take my hand. I swear to you my heart lifts a little, as though raising itself to your seal,
“Kai, I love you,” I whisper, my head feeling groggy there against the couch cushion, grateful for you crouching down to my level, “Kai, I’ve always loved you. Ever since we were kids . . .”
“Aki . . .” I wonder why you’re shaking your head. There are no tears of happiness either,
“Kai, you have to believe me,”
“I do but . . .”
I’ll never forget the words that followed after that. In fact it’s painful to try.
And yet here we were, five years after graduating, trying to hold onto the friendship we’d built so well together as children.
But as adults it even hurts,
“I’d already fallen in love with Uruha, Aki, you know that,” Kai sighs against the breeze, leaving an unwelcome chill in my chest,
“I know,” my voice sounds hollow. Am I crying?
“What good would it have done for us anyway?” Kai murmurs gently, watching as I push my unwanted food away, “We both had different aspirations and besides . . . we're too good at being friends,”
I’ve heard this speech before; but I want him to tell it to me over and over again. In the hope that someday, he might just convince me of it,
“But it’s not like you feel the same way now anyway right?” Kai’s face passes a smile, reaching for his wineglass.
I nod, reaching for my glass too, “Right,”
Oh Kai . . . if only you weren’t so gullible.
*
It’s past midnight when we’re nibbling on popcorn and nachos, sitting in the dark watching an action film Kai had brought over to serve as entertainment.
Unfortunately my blu-ray player hadn’t arrived from the electronics store yet. And I’m still pissed about it,
“You wanna stay over tonight?”
As expected, Kai shakes his head, “Nah, I’d love to but I better be getting back,”
I try not to let that feeling of jealousy take advantage of me, “Uruha’s expecting you right?”
Kai stretches his arms high in the air, the credits now rolling on-screen, “Well, that and work,” he grins,
“Ah,”
I sit silent in my seat, letting my eyebrows rise as he gets on all fours to crawl over to the DVD player. His ass stands out like a sore thumb as he bends his front low to retrieve the disk, the back pockets of his jeans wiggling side to side at me, as though completely in a tease.
Perhaps I still lied to him now for his own protection. Or maybe to love someone, you just have to let them go sometimes.
I smile gently as Kai snaps the DVD case shut, turning to me with a sad smile,
“I enjoyed tonight,” he says shyly, and I notice a small blush tinge his cheeks, “And I’m glad to see you’ve settled in nicely,”
I stand up and walk him back into the hallway, leaning against the staircase while he retrieves his jacket, trying not to take in the gracefulness of his posture, the smooth skin underneath that jumper . . .
“You worried me on the phone the other night,” he murmurs away from me, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I stuff my hands in my jean pockets; feeling an embarrassing shade of my own stretch across my face and down to my neck,
“I’m sorry,” I sigh, “I never meant to shout at you like that. It was just . . . I just . . .”
“I know,” he turns around then, warm hands wrapping around my waist, “I know . . .”
I close my eyes against his shoulder, my eyes stinging as tainted tears move in to invade, “I’m so sorry . . .”
But sorry wouldn’t save me now would it? It was just a word.
Words often mean nothing to me,
“You won’t find me Aki . . .”
I flinch against him, Kai’s embrace tightening around me and pretty soon I feel his hands rub up and down against my shoulders,
“I’ll always be on the end of the phone for you,” he says softly, almost perfectly into my ear, “Or even just drive by and invade my house or stop by the restaurant, I won’t mind,”
I laugh a little, “Maybe I will,”
“You’re not alone in this,” he adds, and even though he may think it’s for my benefit alone; he’s in fact wrong.
Because I am alone,
“Don’t shut out on me, Akira,” Kai tells me as soon as we break apart, the warmth of his body against my own heating what remainder of a soul I had left, “I can help you . . . if you let me,”
Minutes later I’m waving goodbye, watching his sedan rumble down the street. Away from me and back to him.
Back to what I couldn’t have . . .
I shake my head to stop that feeling; turning to see another hamper sitting on my porch.
I wonder why I didn’t even notice it before, and when I step closer to retrieve it I notice it’s filled with the norm. A couple of apples, some flowers, the odd box of chocolates and frills of decoration here and there.
But this time there is no “Welcome to the Neighbourhood” card like I’ve found in all the rest.
Instead, a rectangle of folded notepaper is attached to the bow by a staple, and I rip it off to read - it’s only polite right?
There were only four words. Four words that suddenly changed my opinion on Kai’s perspective of my ‘friendly’ neighbours,
“Oh my . . .” I mouth, my head snapping up to look up and down the quiet street; finding no lonely soul or screaming victim that could possibly have written such a note.
Four words,
Dear Mister,
Help me.
*
A/N: Stay with it (^__^) We're gonna be getting interesting now <33 Comments are adored as always my lovelies! *Presents muffins*
And guys . . . you DO know that there is a prologue before this right?? O>o"