Let Me in Your Room
ʚ Title: Let Me in Your Room for everyone ♡
ʚ Pairing(s): Kyungsoo/Chanyeol
ʚ Rating: PG
ʚ Warnings: probably inaccurate medical terms, mention of minor character's death
ʚ Word Count: 2.5k words
ʚ Summary: Do Kyungsoo is an enigma, and Chanyeol just wants to know things he shouldn't. hospital!au
ʚ Message for your recipient/author note: sorry if i took too much liberty with your prompt, I hope this isn't too much more angst than you were expecting. I also apologize for any inaccuracies (i'm not too familiar with hospitals and how they work). the fic is also inspired by the song in your room by halestorm (i recommend giving it a listen before/after reading to better see what i was trying to convey) . I hope you enjoy reading it ^^
Let me in your room
I've seen the rest of you
But I know there's something more in your room
I'm right outside your door
Show me things you've never shown before
***
Chanyeol enters the Cardiology lounge, two cups of espresso in each hand, and heads towards the armchair in the back that’s turned to the window. The view overlooks the courtyard, where patients and staff alike enjoy the wonderful spring air and lush, colourful gardens.
The lounge itself is stuffy; his co-workers are all exhausted. Baekhyun is literally asleep, a steady stream of drool dribbling down his chin as he takes up one of the sofas all to himself. Chanyeol grins at the sight and Baekhyun’s shamelessness, but secretly he envies him. Chanyeol himself has a CABG scheduled in an hour and a half, and he feels as if he won’t get to leave the hospital till late; its already midafternoon and he’s been up since 6AM.
The incurable fatigue that has plagued Chanyeol for every year he’s worked as a heart surgeon vanishes instantly when he makes eye contact with the petit man curled up in the armchair by the window. The sun streaming into the room has an orange glow, tell-tale of the approaching sunset, and the man looks ethereal sitting there, knees tucked into his chest as he watches the outside with a somber expression.
Chanyeol approaches and shoves one of the coffees under the man’s nose; who startles and lets out a gasp Chanyeol can’t help but find adorable.
The raven-haired man turns to Chanyeol and glares, “you scared me,” is the breathless complaint.
“Sorry,” Chanyeol replies, but his mouth is stretched wide so all his teeth are on show and he knows it’s not a very handsome smile, but Kyungsoo smiles back just as bright, mouth shaped in a little heart that makes Chanyeol grin even wider-if that’s actually possible.
They beam at each other in silence until Kyungsoo remembers the coffee that’s been placed into his hands and he takes a sip.
Suddenly Chanyeol’s mind travels back to two years ago.
***
Chanyeol took a moment to admire the hospital’s exterior, its grandeur and its air of professionalism, and for him, accomplishment. Med school hadn’t been easy; countless sleepless nights which had all been for this, the final stage of his journey. He bit his lip as he stood there, to contain a smile-tears of excitement rather-and thought back to all the times he had almost given up. Now he was starting his residency at the most prestigious hospital in Seoul.
As a child, Chanyeol had often come to visit the hospital. His grandparents had been sickly and every second-weekend his mother would hustle him and his sister to visit them before they eventually passed away. Chanyeol wasn’t sure of the exact moment, maybe it had been a gradual realization, when he knew this was where he belonged, among the other doctors and nurses, who would slave away for the benefit of others.
When he managed to finally pull himself together and enter the building, Chanyeol looked down at his watch in dismay. He was supposed to meet the chairman and the rest of his department in fifteen minutes.
Chanyeol looked up; was he supposed to turn left at the second hallway? Or right at the third? Chanyeol thought to himself, duly noting that he was lost. The hospital was the biggest in Korea, and Chanyeol hadn’t ventured its corridors in nearly six years.
Maybe it was coffee he drank that morning, or the uneasiness of starting a new job, but Chanyeol started to wander the halls frantically. He made sure to keep an eye on the door numbers, but they were so terribly off from the one he had written on a piece of scrap paper that morning that he felt his stomach swoop. The last thing Chanyeol wanted to do was make a bad impression on his first day. He kept looking, hurrying faster and crossing his fingers.
But fortune didn’t seem to favour him as he accidentally slammed full-force into an unsuspecting victim. The person he hit went tumbling to the ground, and Chanyeol started to panic.
“OH MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY?” he screamed, staring down in horror. His first fear was that he had bumped into some poor, ill patient with two broken legs, but Chanyeol’s eyes widen in horror as he spots the white coat and simple name tag reading K. DO Cardiology.
Chanyeol’s victim simply got up from the floor and dusted himself off, a frown etched on his round, youthful face. He finally turned to look at Chanyeol, who flinched at the intensity of their glower.
“Please refrain from running in the halls, running can result is accidental collision,” The person gritted out. He was much shorter than Chanyeol was, with wide eyes-now narrowed and glaring draggers-, short, wispy hair and a plump set of lips. He looked young as well, too young to be working in a hospital (or working at all).
“Hello, my name is Park Chanyeol! I’m just starting today and …uh, I’m kind of lost. Do you know where 4C.36 is?” Chanyeol asked the short doctor.
They stare at Chanyeol for a long time before answering, “I’m Do Kyungsoo, cardiac surgeon. If you would follow me, we are expecting you in the department of cardiology, otherwise known at 4C.36,” the person, or rather Dr. Do, remarked dryly, looking up at Chanyeol as if he were completely worthless. It was strange, that someone so small and with such a childlike face had the ability to completely humiliate and belittle Chanyeol with just one look.
“Oh, uh, nice to meet you then,” Chanyeol stammered awkwardly, shuffling behind the shorter doctor as he led Chanyeol to towards the lift. Usually lifts were fine for Chanyeol, but something about Do Kyungsoo was chilling, and instead the elevator was making Chanyeol feel woozy. Luckily, it wasn’t a very long ride, and the slight gush of air that met Chanyeol’s face when the doors opened was soothing, and he let out a long breath he hadn’t even been aware that he’d been holding.
And that was Park Chanyeol’s first encounter with Do Kyungsoo.
But the embarrassment and scorn didn’t end there. It continued when Do Kyungsoo coolly rejected the coffee Chanyeol had bought in apology, and when he had simply stared blankly when Chanyeol had tripped in the hallway and hit his head on the floor, instead of helping him up or checking if he was okay (he had been-Chanyeol’s head was pretty thick after all). It left Chanyeol feeling hopelessly frustrated. What could he do to make his co-worker like him?
“Why does he hate me so much,” Chanyeol whined, leaning his head on Joonmyun’s shoulder (one of the nurses Chanyeol had begun to grow close to). Joonmyun was cute, short, and in that sense similar to Kyungsoo, but on the other hand Joonmyun was nice to Chanyeol and didn’t try to end his life with one piercing look.
“Do Kyungsoo? He’s like that with everybody, Chanyeol, he’s like a robot, or a soulless demon. Don’t tell him I said that, though, I don’t want him to sacrifice me to Satan or something,” Joonmyun replied, nudging Chanyeol to get off him as the poor nurse tried to complete his paperwork.
“But I don’t want him to be like that with me! And anyways, I think only virgins can be sacrificed, Joonmyun,” Chanyeol responded, flopping down into the chair next to his friend.
The nurse eyed Chanyeol for a second, as if debating whether to stab a pen in his eye or humour him further, “I guess that means I’m safe then,” Joonmyun mumbled.
“Could have fooled me,” Chanyeol exclaimed.
This time Joonmyun really did try and do him in with his pen, but Chanyeol snatched it out of his hand and used it instead to draw a line down Joonmyun’s cheek in blue ink.
“You have five seconds to get out of here or I’m inserting that pen into one of your orifices and you’re not going to get to choose which one,”Joonmyun growled, and Chanyeol quickly dashed towards the door.
“Kinky,” Chanyeol winked, before ducking out of the way as Joonmyun began tossing a barrage of pens at him.
However, even after that conversation with Joonmyun, Chanyeol still felt the need to reconcile things with Doctor Do. It wasn’t that Chanyeol was the type that needed everyone to like him, he knew that that was not how reality worked, but there was something about Do Kyungsoo. He was too focussed in his work and too distant from the rest of the world. Not everyone liked Park Chanyeol, but how many people liked Do Kyungsoo?
There were so many questions Chanyeol wanted to ask, but he couldn’t very well ask them. They plagued his mind when he was watching TV at home, taking a shower, at night when he was trying to fall asleep…
Eventually Chanyeol came to the conclusion that drastic times called for drastic measures.
That was when Chanyeol called in Oh Sehun. Sehun is computer programmer but conveniently for Chanyeol, he is also an expert hacker. The two had been friends since Chanyeol first began college, and Sehun owed him quite a few favours.
“What do you need, Hyung?” was Sehun’s snappy reply when he picked up the phone.
Chanyeol let out an indignant snort, “why so dry, Sehunnie? I have a job for you.”
“This sounds suspicious, Hyung, what’s in it for me?”
“Bring you and your genius little brain to the hospital tomorrow and I’ll buy you bubble tea as a job well done.”
“Deal.” Sehun acquiesced without a beat.
The next morning Chanyeol snuck Sehun in by giving him Baekhyun’s coat and nametag (“illegal smuggling huh? Sure, I’ll help you”) and brought him to the lounge. Thankfully, everyone inside was to tired or too distracted to notice Sehun so Chanyeol brought him to the back of the lounge beside a desk and made them both squat.
“Alright, Chanyeol, what exactly did you want me to do?” Sehun asked, giving up and just plopping his butt down on the dusty floor. Sehun was younger, unruly, petulant, but in all honestly, he was the most intelligent person Chanyeol knew.
That was when Chanyeol grinned and pulled out something from under the desk.
“Chanyeol why is there a laptop under this desk?”
“I hide it there,” Chanyeol remarked cheerfully.
“Why did you hide it?” Sehun looked very concerned as he held the device.
“So you can snoop around on it.”
“Chanyeol, you’re creepy as shit.”
“I know, now hurry, Kyungsoo’s performing surgery right now and we need to put it back in his bag before he’s finished.” Chanyeol instructed. Yes, he knew it was definitely bad to steal Kyungsoo’s computer and go through it. If doctor Do knew what Chanyeol was doing right now, Chanyeol would be reduced to a bloody pulp. But as things were, Kyungsoo was probably already planning Chanyeol’s gruesome demise, and getting caught snooping would do nothing more than alter the timing of Chanyeol’s inevitable death.
Sehun pulled up the screen and got to work as Chanyeol anxiously watched from the side, “he doesn’t even have a password, what a tool, you don’t even need my skills” and before long, with a bunch of clicking and technical mumbo jumbo that Chanyeol could never follow, Sehun began to peruse Kyungsoo’s files. Chanyeol was lucky Sehun was so damn good at doing what he wasn’t supposed to.
“Ay, look at this,” Sehun finally announced, pulling up a file. It was an application, probably addressed to the hospital they were currently in, complete with all of Kyungsoo’s personal information.
“WHAT!” Chanyeol cried, starring at the numbers 1993 in disbelief. Do Kyungsoo was younger than him? The petit doctor no doubt looked the part, but how was it that he had made his way over to the hospital years before Chanyeol. Do Kyungsoo could have been a genius, much like the idiot holding the laptop beside Chanyeol.
Suddenly a shadow appeared over them and Chanyeol gulped, slowly looking up. Busted.
“You know,” a vaguely familiar voice said, “you’re not going to find what you’re looking for.”
Chanyeol looked up, the fear of being caught with Kyungsoo’s computer thrumming through his veins.
It was Kim Minseok, a cardiologist. He was a couple years older than Chanyeol, with a cherubic face and cat-like eyes. He was also the only person that Kyungsoo didn’t try to kill with just one look. Not that Kim Minseok and Do Kyungsoo seemed comfortable together, there was still the distinct and poignant awkwardness that followed the two, but every blank look Kyungsoo sent Minseok was better than the death stares and scolding Chanyeol received.
Minseok shifted his gaze to Sehun, who closed the laptop immediately. His eyes met Chanyeol’s again and he crooked a finger, “come with me.”
Chanyeol jumped up, quickly, his face flushed with embarrassment and maybe a little confusion, and squawked out an “Okay!”
Sehun looked at him sheepishly before promising to return the laptop without any traces that it had been tampered with. Chanyeol then followed the cardiologist, tentatively and with his heart pounding from the confines of his chest.
The hallway Minseok chose to walk down was mostly empty, a little bit of noise coming from behind the doors as they walked past, and the occasional nurse scurrying off to somewhere else, but overall they were drenched in a heavy silence that made Chanyeol feel as if he had swallowed lead.
“I’ve been watching you, Park Chanyeol, you know that? You’re an interesting person, at least, I’ll give you that. The way you trail after Do Kyungsoo is heartwarming, almost, similar to a cat skittering away from an overzealous dog,” Minseok finally spoke. There was a distant look in the older man’s eyes, something solemn, and Chanyeol knew Minseok was planning to relay that emotion onto Chanyeol, burden him with details. Did Chanyeol mind? No, absolutely not.
“I shouldn’t be telling you this. Everyone in the department knows, they’ve been here long before Do Kyungsoo arrived, they know what happened. However, the thing that none of co-workers understand, Chanyeol, is what Kyungsoo was like before it happened.” Minseok finished his sentence with a long sigh.
“What was it?” Chanyeol piped up, without thinking. He covered his mouth in mortification, cheeks turning red, and tried again, “sorry, I mean, what was it, Hyung? If you can tell me.”
Minseok sent him a sad smile, like he was apprehensive to disclose what he knew.
“I went to med school with Kyungsoo. He was quite a few years younger than me, but academically he graduated not long after. He’d been the type to focus too hard, and ultimately ended up skipping a few grades as a child. When I met him he wasn’t much different that he is now, still quiet and reserved, but instead of cold and sharp-tongued, he was nervous and ultimately a little optimistic. I began working with him when he eventually started his residency, and although he opened up to no one, I still found his presence amicable. His first surgery… that was what happened. It’s stressful, trust me, surely you can remember? He was only one of many assistants, a now-retired heart surgeon took the lead.
“Now, Chanyeol, imagine the first time you assisted anyone in our department with any type of surgical procedure. Now imagine all of your worst fears come true. The patient passed away; it was nobody’s fault. The patient had been weak and the surgery had been postponed for too long that the survival rates had dropped drastically. Honestly, everything had been done correctly and it was simply an unfortunate situation.
“But, you never really know what can break a man. Doctor Do became more reclusive than ever; I tried talking to him, suggested he speak to a therapist in the psychiatric ward, but he was just so out of it. He grew bitter, and with the hectic life we all live, there was no one there for him, not even myself. I regret that, not looking out for him like a good Hyung, seeing how he is now. He’s gonna be one tough egg to crack, Chanyeol, don’t get your hopes up,” Minseok finished, his gaze directed down the hall and not at Chanyeol.
Chanyeol perked his head at his Hyung’s last words, “what do you mean, crack him? I don’t understand.”
Minseok sighed painstakingly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat, “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not an expert on Do Kyungsoo, that boy is an enigma. Just… don’t give up on him too quick, he doesn’t need that again,” Minseok finished, the older man biting his lips and furrowing his brows as he tried to explain.
The ceiling lights blinked once or twice, “I never said I was going to give up.”
Minseok smiled, this time sincere, and his eyes at last met Chanyeol’s, “good.”
***
“Thanks for the coffee, by the way,” Kyungsoo adds after a couple sips. Chanyeol is slumped down in front of the leather armchair, his arm resting over Kyungsoo’s knees. He’s just tall enough sitting down to be able to get a glimpse outside, and he keeps his gaze on the people waltzing throughout the courtyard as Kyungsoo talks.
“No problem,” Chanyeol replies, squeezing Kyungsoo’s thigh with the hand that’s draped over it.
Kyungsoo continues to drink in silence and Chanyeol lets him. They’ve both been overworking this month and honestly some peace and quiet is exactly what they need.
Chanyeol yawns and leans his head on the side of Kyungsoo’s thigh, his eyes gently falling shut. He has surgery soon, a little over an hour left of his break, but exhaustion is finally taking toll. He lets out a soft sigh when Kyungsoo cards his fingers through his locks and hums when Chanyeol leans into his touch.
“You know the other couch is free, Chanyeol, if you really want to take a nap,” Kyungsoo remarks, brushing his thumb against Chanyeol’s cheek, fingers ghosting softly over the taller’s features and Chanyeol smiles when Kyungsoo’s pinky-finger tickles his nose.
“Wanna stay with you,” Chanyeol murmurs, prying Kyungsoo’s fingers off his face. “Come sit with me,” he pleads, pulling on Kyungsoo’s jeans. Kyungsoo’s not working for the rest of the day today, he’s just waiting for Chanyeol. The older had suggested that Kyungsoo should just go home and catch up on some well-deserved sleep, but Kyungsoo had merely smiled and said he would wait.
“What, sit on the floor?” Kyungsoo scoffs, but Chanyeol grins and tugs harder on his boyfriend’s pants.
“Yeah, it’s nice down here.”
Kyungsoo looks like he wants to argue but he slides down anyways. Chanyeol is quick to pull the smaller onto his lap, and Kyungsoo rests against Chanyeol and relaxes into his hold.
The chair obscures them from the rest of the room, and the setting almost feels private (he can still hear Baekhyun snoring but oh well). Its Kyungsoo who falls asleep, head nudged somewhere between Chanyeol’s shoulder and cheek, but Chanyeol continues to stare at the sky as the blue fades to pink and then orange.
Of course, they’re interrupted by Chanyeol’s pager, signifying it’s time for him to go, and Kyungsoo whines pitifully as Chanyeol peels him off of himself.
“Wish we could go home now,” Kyungsoo pouts, plopping himself back into the chair, re-curling himself into a little ball.
Chanyeol wants to kiss away the creases in Kyungsoo’s forehead, so he does, planting his lips on his boyfriend and holding them there till he has the courage to leave and go work.
“I’ll be back soon, then we can leave,” Chanyeol apologizes.
Kyungsoo smiles wide and nods, and Chanyeol can’t help but to reciprocate.
His exits the lounge, an unspoken I Love You dancing on the tip of his tongue.
He’ll save it for later.
***
Joonmyun called Chanyeol an idiot when the heart surgeon entered the hospital that morning, a bouquet of half a dozen flowers in his hands. The bouquet was composed of soft-pink roses, something Chanyeol had picked up from the florist next to his apartment. Red roses would have been to bold, probably, and the delicate but intricate flower Chanyeol had chosen on whim seemed like it would do the trick-whatever the trick was.
Chanyeol sauntered into the cardiology lounge, eyes scanning the room for Kyungsoo. He found the younger-but-more-experienced doctor sitting in the back of the lounge on a ratty old leather lounger, drinking from a plastic water bottle.
Chanyeol skipped his way over, whipping the bouquet under Kyungsoo’s nose.
“What-” Kyungsoo began before he looked up and saw the looming figure of Chanyeol grinning like he was the Cheshire Cat.
“They’re for you!” Chanyeol chirped, watching intently as Kyungsoo inspected the flowers now placed on his lap, his grin never ceasing.
“Why,” was the first thing that came pouring out of Kyungsoo’s mouth when he finally managed to find his voice. He looked up at Chanyeol, eyes clouded with confusion but also specks of aggravation that made Chanyeol take a step back.
“I thought you might like them?” Chanyeol suggested earnestly.
Kyungsoo gave the flowers another hard look before spitting out, “well I don’t. Take them back.”
Chanyeol muttered a quick apology before storming out of the room, eyes trained at the ground. He sensed rather than saw Joonmyun’s patronizing look.
(Chanyeol’s mother hugged her son tight that night when he showed up at his parent’s home, presenting her with the bouquet. She didn’t even mind that the flowers had started to wilt).
Chanyeol’s next approach was a little more subtle. He was partially taking Joonmyun’s advice to be more gentlemanly, and thus began opening doors to Kyungsoo and offering to carry his bag for him when they bumped into each other in the elevator on their way to the cardiology department.
However, he was met at first with cold and suspicious stares. After the twentieth time Chanyeol held the elevator door open for him, as the remaining passengers glared at Chanyeol impatiently, Kyungsoo simply rolled his eyes and stepped into the lift, not sparing Chanyeol another glance. Chanyeol considered it progress.
Chanyeol’s antics continued for a couple of weeks. Kyungsoo of course, began to ignore them, but that only spurred Chanyeol on further. Kyungsoo had to acknowledge him eventually.
“Hello, Do-Ssi, I bought you some tea. Its peach and passion fruit, with one spoonful of sugar! It’s your favourite; I had to ask Minseok-Hyung what you put in your tea, and I found the box while snooping in your bag-I mean, I just figured you might like this tea… yeah,” Chanyeol exclaimed, trying to keep the grin on his face from faltering as Kyungsoo stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to close the doors.
Kyungsoo gave Chanyeol a side-eyed look as the elevator began its ascent, and Chanyeol stood there with the steaming hot cup of tea in his hand, praying Kyungsoo would take it from him-and not just because it was burning his fingers.
“Are you going to drink your tea?” Chanyeol asked, attempting to keep his voice light and merry.
“I drank coffee this morning,” was Kyungsoo’s reply. It wasn’t as hard as some of Kyungsoo’s previous replies, but still, he hadn’t even turned to face away from the elevator doors.
“Oh, okay then,” Chanyeol replied, the smile finally washing itself off of his face. “I just thought you might like some, but whatever.”
Kyungsoo continued to peer at him, “well, I don’t.”
Chanyeol frowned, “sorry, didn’t realize thoughtful was a crime.”
Kyungsoo’s expression flickered to one of shock before his eyes narrowed dangerously, “I never asked you to make that for me.”
Chanyeol scoffed, “it’s called being nice. I doubt you’ve ever heard of it. Could I at least get a ‘no, thank you’?” Chanyeol knew he was being mean. Saying things like that was a sure-fire way to make Do Kyungsoo hate him more than he already did. Guilt began to float through Chanyeol’s veins, almost as strong as the anger and frustration he’d kept dialed on low for so long.
Kyungsoo’s nostrils flared, and he opened his mouth, probably to spout insults ten times more cruel, when Chanyeol realized something and held up his hand.
“-why isn’t the elevator moving?” Chanyeol questioned, cutting Kyungsoo off from whatever he was about to say.
They both paused, stared at each other as the realization slowly set in that the hospital elevator took about a minute to get to the 4th floor. They had been standing for at least three now and Chanyeol couldn’t recall the thing ever moving.
Kyungsoo pressed the ‘open doors’ button. Nothing happened. He pressed it again. He began repeatedly pressing the button but the doors wouldn’t budge.
“It would seem,” Chanyeol gulped, “that we are stuck in an elevator.”
They stared at in each other in silence, each mimicking the other’s expression of panic.
“This is what I get for trying to ride the elevator with you,” Kyungsoo spat, irately kicking the doors as if that would magically make them open. For all Chanyeol knew they were suspended between floors.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything!” Chanyeol cried. All he had done was step inside the elevator; hardly enough to break it.
“Well, you probably did, somehow, like karma or something,” Kyungsoo grumbled angrily, before slumping down in the corner of the elevator, knees tucked under his chin as he glared at Chanyeol, except his glare was about as effective as a kitty’s. Maybe they really were a cat/dog duo after all.
“Hey, if anything you’re the one with bad karma, always ignoring me. I have been nothing but pleasant and helpful,” Chanyeol remarked, only half-joking.
“Keep your definition of pleasant to yourself please,” doctor Do muttered.
“I mean, would a ‘thank you’ really have killed you?”
“It’s just…” Kyungsoo trailed off, bushy brows furrowed as he searched for his words, “why? Why do you keep following me around when I’ve made it clear so many times I don’t want you to?”
Kyungsoo’s voice was hard, but Chanyeol could sense the shell slowly breaking away.
“Do you really want to know the truth?” Chanyeol asked, eyeing Kyungsoo with sincerity. Trying to get Kyungsoo to like him felt like a battle, and honestly, Chanyeol no longer felt like pushing at the front lines. It was time to lay down his cards and surrender.
“At first I just wanted to make it up to you for knocking you down in the hallway; I thought you were just holding a grudge. But I saw how it wasn’t just me you treated coolly; it was everyone. I got curious, my mistake obviously, so I tried to dig deeper. Minseok-Hyung told me what happened, I know it’s not my place to know, but it made me feel horrible and just plain dumb,” Chanyeol admitted, nibbling nervously on his bottom lip.
“I don’t need you to pity me, Park Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo growled, looking more hurt if anything.
“I’m not pitying you, Kyungsoo. Pity would be giving you sad looks and treating you like you’re broken. You’re not broken though, are you Kyungsoo? Damaged? Maybe. In need of a little re-wiring. You blame yourself for a patient passing away, that’s okay. I think anybody would feel the same, but you have to move on eventually; things go wrong and people die, and we can try our best to prevent that, but ultimately death isn’t up to us to foil when the clock stops ticking.”
Kyungsoo covered his face with his hands. Chanyeol took a leap of faith and sat beside Kyungsoo in the corner, shoulder to shoulder.
“S-she wasn’t just a patient though, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo finally squeaked, and Chanyeol could tell by his shallow and uneven breaths that Kyungsoo was crying into his palms. Regret seeped through Chanyeol’s system slowly, but this was the first time Chanyeol had witnessed Do Kyungsoo showcase an emotion that wasn’t anger or exasperation. Chanyeol decided now was the time to hold his tongue.
“My sister had a weak heart; her life would have been in danger if no one paid serious attention to it. Unfortunately, doctors often overlooked her sickness due to her age. Finally, right after I graduated med school she needed surgery; I was assigned to help the chief surgeon.
“Her heart failed in the middle of the procedure and wouldn’t restart. My sister died on the operating table and I was there, I saw her last moments, and I couldn’t do a single thing but continue to follow procedure. Chanyeol, I couldn’t be there for her. I couldn’t do anything,” Kyungsoo continued to sob, his body trembling. Chanyeol couldn’t help himself; he grabbed the younger doctor and pulled him in close, tucking Kyungsoo’s head under his chin. The emotions were heavy, and Chanyeol could feel his heart threatening to break, but they weren’t a burden. How could they be, when at long last Kyungsoo had a way to set them free?
Kyungsoo raised his head and Chanyeol held the doctor’s small face in his hands. This was what had been hidden behind the cold stares and sharp, painful words. A mask to hide what lay within, one that had hidden Kyungsoo too well. Until now.
In that moment Chanyeol felt it. The pain, the fragility, the loneliness and the gravity of Do Kyungsoo. He could feel it clear as day, as fat, wet tears stained Kyungsoo’s cheeks and Chanyeol’s stomach dropped. He wasn’t even aware of what he was doing till after the fact, when he removed his lips from Kyungsoo’s and tasted salt water.
Kyungsoo stared at him, eyes wide, and without malice. He didn’t back away or show obvious disgust. He just looked on.
“Sorry,” Chanyeol whispered, but he wasn’t. “Your tea is still warm, if you want to drink it.”
“Okay.”
Chanyeol received a soft smile in return, one that set off a million butterflies in his tummy.
(They eventually remembered to press the emergency button in the elevator and five minutes later they were moving up once again).
Chanyeol could never forget the feeling of knowing Do Kyungsoo had stopped fighting him, knowing that he had chipped a hole in the sky-high walls and barbed wire that enclosed his heart, and finally, Chanyeol was somebody.
***
A few pictures from your past
And those walls you painted black
And the secrets that you keep under your bed
All you have to do is let me in your room
***
That night Chanyeol lays in bed, arms around a warm body and a head of black hair tickling the side of his face. His bedroom is quiet save for twin breathing and the continual hum of the ceiling fan.
“Thank you,” Chanyeol whispers drowsily, tightening his hold around Kyungsoo’s waist.
“For what?” Kyungsoo questions, or rather mumbles. He sounds sleepy, and was probably just about to fall asleep.
“Letting me in,” Chanyeol confesses.
Kyungsoo turns to face him, “Chanyeol, it’s almost midnight, can you save the cheesy dialogue until tomorrow, please?”
Chanyeol beams, “Sure, Kyungsoo.”
He settles back into bed, but not before placing a kiss to Kyungsoo’s temple.
“I love you.”
***
Tell me all about your past
Why you painted those walls black
Baby it's all right, you're safe in here with me
Open up so I can see
ʚ Pairing(s): Kyungsoo/Chanyeol
ʚ Rating: PG
ʚ Warnings: probably inaccurate medical terms, mention of minor character's death
ʚ Word Count: 2.5k words
ʚ Summary: Do Kyungsoo is an enigma, and Chanyeol just wants to know things he shouldn't. hospital!au
ʚ Message for your recipient/author note: sorry if i took too much liberty with your prompt, I hope this isn't too much more angst than you were expecting. I also apologize for any inaccuracies (i'm not too familiar with hospitals and how they work). the fic is also inspired by the song in your room by halestorm (i recommend giving it a listen before/after reading to better see what i was trying to convey) . I hope you enjoy reading it ^^
Let me in your room
I've seen the rest of you
But I know there's something more in your room
I'm right outside your door
Show me things you've never shown before
***
Chanyeol enters the Cardiology lounge, two cups of espresso in each hand, and heads towards the armchair in the back that’s turned to the window. The view overlooks the courtyard, where patients and staff alike enjoy the wonderful spring air and lush, colourful gardens.
The lounge itself is stuffy; his co-workers are all exhausted. Baekhyun is literally asleep, a steady stream of drool dribbling down his chin as he takes up one of the sofas all to himself. Chanyeol grins at the sight and Baekhyun’s shamelessness, but secretly he envies him. Chanyeol himself has a CABG scheduled in an hour and a half, and he feels as if he won’t get to leave the hospital till late; its already midafternoon and he’s been up since 6AM.
The incurable fatigue that has plagued Chanyeol for every year he’s worked as a heart surgeon vanishes instantly when he makes eye contact with the petit man curled up in the armchair by the window. The sun streaming into the room has an orange glow, tell-tale of the approaching sunset, and the man looks ethereal sitting there, knees tucked into his chest as he watches the outside with a somber expression.
Chanyeol approaches and shoves one of the coffees under the man’s nose; who startles and lets out a gasp Chanyeol can’t help but find adorable.
The raven-haired man turns to Chanyeol and glares, “you scared me,” is the breathless complaint.
“Sorry,” Chanyeol replies, but his mouth is stretched wide so all his teeth are on show and he knows it’s not a very handsome smile, but Kyungsoo smiles back just as bright, mouth shaped in a little heart that makes Chanyeol grin even wider-if that’s actually possible.
They beam at each other in silence until Kyungsoo remembers the coffee that’s been placed into his hands and he takes a sip.
Suddenly Chanyeol’s mind travels back to two years ago.
***
Chanyeol took a moment to admire the hospital’s exterior, its grandeur and its air of professionalism, and for him, accomplishment. Med school hadn’t been easy; countless sleepless nights which had all been for this, the final stage of his journey. He bit his lip as he stood there, to contain a smile-tears of excitement rather-and thought back to all the times he had almost given up. Now he was starting his residency at the most prestigious hospital in Seoul.
As a child, Chanyeol had often come to visit the hospital. His grandparents had been sickly and every second-weekend his mother would hustle him and his sister to visit them before they eventually passed away. Chanyeol wasn’t sure of the exact moment, maybe it had been a gradual realization, when he knew this was where he belonged, among the other doctors and nurses, who would slave away for the benefit of others.
When he managed to finally pull himself together and enter the building, Chanyeol looked down at his watch in dismay. He was supposed to meet the chairman and the rest of his department in fifteen minutes.
Chanyeol looked up; was he supposed to turn left at the second hallway? Or right at the third? Chanyeol thought to himself, duly noting that he was lost. The hospital was the biggest in Korea, and Chanyeol hadn’t ventured its corridors in nearly six years.
Maybe it was coffee he drank that morning, or the uneasiness of starting a new job, but Chanyeol started to wander the halls frantically. He made sure to keep an eye on the door numbers, but they were so terribly off from the one he had written on a piece of scrap paper that morning that he felt his stomach swoop. The last thing Chanyeol wanted to do was make a bad impression on his first day. He kept looking, hurrying faster and crossing his fingers.
But fortune didn’t seem to favour him as he accidentally slammed full-force into an unsuspecting victim. The person he hit went tumbling to the ground, and Chanyeol started to panic.
“OH MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY?” he screamed, staring down in horror. His first fear was that he had bumped into some poor, ill patient with two broken legs, but Chanyeol’s eyes widen in horror as he spots the white coat and simple name tag reading K. DO Cardiology.
Chanyeol’s victim simply got up from the floor and dusted himself off, a frown etched on his round, youthful face. He finally turned to look at Chanyeol, who flinched at the intensity of their glower.
“Please refrain from running in the halls, running can result is accidental collision,” The person gritted out. He was much shorter than Chanyeol was, with wide eyes-now narrowed and glaring draggers-, short, wispy hair and a plump set of lips. He looked young as well, too young to be working in a hospital (or working at all).
“Hello, my name is Park Chanyeol! I’m just starting today and …uh, I’m kind of lost. Do you know where 4C.36 is?” Chanyeol asked the short doctor.
They stare at Chanyeol for a long time before answering, “I’m Do Kyungsoo, cardiac surgeon. If you would follow me, we are expecting you in the department of cardiology, otherwise known at 4C.36,” the person, or rather Dr. Do, remarked dryly, looking up at Chanyeol as if he were completely worthless. It was strange, that someone so small and with such a childlike face had the ability to completely humiliate and belittle Chanyeol with just one look.
“Oh, uh, nice to meet you then,” Chanyeol stammered awkwardly, shuffling behind the shorter doctor as he led Chanyeol to towards the lift. Usually lifts were fine for Chanyeol, but something about Do Kyungsoo was chilling, and instead the elevator was making Chanyeol feel woozy. Luckily, it wasn’t a very long ride, and the slight gush of air that met Chanyeol’s face when the doors opened was soothing, and he let out a long breath he hadn’t even been aware that he’d been holding.
And that was Park Chanyeol’s first encounter with Do Kyungsoo.
But the embarrassment and scorn didn’t end there. It continued when Do Kyungsoo coolly rejected the coffee Chanyeol had bought in apology, and when he had simply stared blankly when Chanyeol had tripped in the hallway and hit his head on the floor, instead of helping him up or checking if he was okay (he had been-Chanyeol’s head was pretty thick after all). It left Chanyeol feeling hopelessly frustrated. What could he do to make his co-worker like him?
“Why does he hate me so much,” Chanyeol whined, leaning his head on Joonmyun’s shoulder (one of the nurses Chanyeol had begun to grow close to). Joonmyun was cute, short, and in that sense similar to Kyungsoo, but on the other hand Joonmyun was nice to Chanyeol and didn’t try to end his life with one piercing look.
“Do Kyungsoo? He’s like that with everybody, Chanyeol, he’s like a robot, or a soulless demon. Don’t tell him I said that, though, I don’t want him to sacrifice me to Satan or something,” Joonmyun replied, nudging Chanyeol to get off him as the poor nurse tried to complete his paperwork.
“But I don’t want him to be like that with me! And anyways, I think only virgins can be sacrificed, Joonmyun,” Chanyeol responded, flopping down into the chair next to his friend.
The nurse eyed Chanyeol for a second, as if debating whether to stab a pen in his eye or humour him further, “I guess that means I’m safe then,” Joonmyun mumbled.
“Could have fooled me,” Chanyeol exclaimed.
This time Joonmyun really did try and do him in with his pen, but Chanyeol snatched it out of his hand and used it instead to draw a line down Joonmyun’s cheek in blue ink.
“You have five seconds to get out of here or I’m inserting that pen into one of your orifices and you’re not going to get to choose which one,”Joonmyun growled, and Chanyeol quickly dashed towards the door.
“Kinky,” Chanyeol winked, before ducking out of the way as Joonmyun began tossing a barrage of pens at him.
However, even after that conversation with Joonmyun, Chanyeol still felt the need to reconcile things with Doctor Do. It wasn’t that Chanyeol was the type that needed everyone to like him, he knew that that was not how reality worked, but there was something about Do Kyungsoo. He was too focussed in his work and too distant from the rest of the world. Not everyone liked Park Chanyeol, but how many people liked Do Kyungsoo?
There were so many questions Chanyeol wanted to ask, but he couldn’t very well ask them. They plagued his mind when he was watching TV at home, taking a shower, at night when he was trying to fall asleep…
Eventually Chanyeol came to the conclusion that drastic times called for drastic measures.
That was when Chanyeol called in Oh Sehun. Sehun is computer programmer but conveniently for Chanyeol, he is also an expert hacker. The two had been friends since Chanyeol first began college, and Sehun owed him quite a few favours.
“What do you need, Hyung?” was Sehun’s snappy reply when he picked up the phone.
Chanyeol let out an indignant snort, “why so dry, Sehunnie? I have a job for you.”
“This sounds suspicious, Hyung, what’s in it for me?”
“Bring you and your genius little brain to the hospital tomorrow and I’ll buy you bubble tea as a job well done.”
“Deal.” Sehun acquiesced without a beat.
The next morning Chanyeol snuck Sehun in by giving him Baekhyun’s coat and nametag (“illegal smuggling huh? Sure, I’ll help you”) and brought him to the lounge. Thankfully, everyone inside was to tired or too distracted to notice Sehun so Chanyeol brought him to the back of the lounge beside a desk and made them both squat.
“Alright, Chanyeol, what exactly did you want me to do?” Sehun asked, giving up and just plopping his butt down on the dusty floor. Sehun was younger, unruly, petulant, but in all honestly, he was the most intelligent person Chanyeol knew.
That was when Chanyeol grinned and pulled out something from under the desk.
“Chanyeol why is there a laptop under this desk?”
“I hide it there,” Chanyeol remarked cheerfully.
“Why did you hide it?” Sehun looked very concerned as he held the device.
“So you can snoop around on it.”
“Chanyeol, you’re creepy as shit.”
“I know, now hurry, Kyungsoo’s performing surgery right now and we need to put it back in his bag before he’s finished.” Chanyeol instructed. Yes, he knew it was definitely bad to steal Kyungsoo’s computer and go through it. If doctor Do knew what Chanyeol was doing right now, Chanyeol would be reduced to a bloody pulp. But as things were, Kyungsoo was probably already planning Chanyeol’s gruesome demise, and getting caught snooping would do nothing more than alter the timing of Chanyeol’s inevitable death.
Sehun pulled up the screen and got to work as Chanyeol anxiously watched from the side, “he doesn’t even have a password, what a tool, you don’t even need my skills” and before long, with a bunch of clicking and technical mumbo jumbo that Chanyeol could never follow, Sehun began to peruse Kyungsoo’s files. Chanyeol was lucky Sehun was so damn good at doing what he wasn’t supposed to.
“Ay, look at this,” Sehun finally announced, pulling up a file. It was an application, probably addressed to the hospital they were currently in, complete with all of Kyungsoo’s personal information.
“WHAT!” Chanyeol cried, starring at the numbers 1993 in disbelief. Do Kyungsoo was younger than him? The petit doctor no doubt looked the part, but how was it that he had made his way over to the hospital years before Chanyeol. Do Kyungsoo could have been a genius, much like the idiot holding the laptop beside Chanyeol.
Suddenly a shadow appeared over them and Chanyeol gulped, slowly looking up. Busted.
“You know,” a vaguely familiar voice said, “you’re not going to find what you’re looking for.”
Chanyeol looked up, the fear of being caught with Kyungsoo’s computer thrumming through his veins.
It was Kim Minseok, a cardiologist. He was a couple years older than Chanyeol, with a cherubic face and cat-like eyes. He was also the only person that Kyungsoo didn’t try to kill with just one look. Not that Kim Minseok and Do Kyungsoo seemed comfortable together, there was still the distinct and poignant awkwardness that followed the two, but every blank look Kyungsoo sent Minseok was better than the death stares and scolding Chanyeol received.
Minseok shifted his gaze to Sehun, who closed the laptop immediately. His eyes met Chanyeol’s again and he crooked a finger, “come with me.”
Chanyeol jumped up, quickly, his face flushed with embarrassment and maybe a little confusion, and squawked out an “Okay!”
Sehun looked at him sheepishly before promising to return the laptop without any traces that it had been tampered with. Chanyeol then followed the cardiologist, tentatively and with his heart pounding from the confines of his chest.
The hallway Minseok chose to walk down was mostly empty, a little bit of noise coming from behind the doors as they walked past, and the occasional nurse scurrying off to somewhere else, but overall they were drenched in a heavy silence that made Chanyeol feel as if he had swallowed lead.
“I’ve been watching you, Park Chanyeol, you know that? You’re an interesting person, at least, I’ll give you that. The way you trail after Do Kyungsoo is heartwarming, almost, similar to a cat skittering away from an overzealous dog,” Minseok finally spoke. There was a distant look in the older man’s eyes, something solemn, and Chanyeol knew Minseok was planning to relay that emotion onto Chanyeol, burden him with details. Did Chanyeol mind? No, absolutely not.
“I shouldn’t be telling you this. Everyone in the department knows, they’ve been here long before Do Kyungsoo arrived, they know what happened. However, the thing that none of co-workers understand, Chanyeol, is what Kyungsoo was like before it happened.” Minseok finished his sentence with a long sigh.
“What was it?” Chanyeol piped up, without thinking. He covered his mouth in mortification, cheeks turning red, and tried again, “sorry, I mean, what was it, Hyung? If you can tell me.”
Minseok sent him a sad smile, like he was apprehensive to disclose what he knew.
“I went to med school with Kyungsoo. He was quite a few years younger than me, but academically he graduated not long after. He’d been the type to focus too hard, and ultimately ended up skipping a few grades as a child. When I met him he wasn’t much different that he is now, still quiet and reserved, but instead of cold and sharp-tongued, he was nervous and ultimately a little optimistic. I began working with him when he eventually started his residency, and although he opened up to no one, I still found his presence amicable. His first surgery… that was what happened. It’s stressful, trust me, surely you can remember? He was only one of many assistants, a now-retired heart surgeon took the lead.
“Now, Chanyeol, imagine the first time you assisted anyone in our department with any type of surgical procedure. Now imagine all of your worst fears come true. The patient passed away; it was nobody’s fault. The patient had been weak and the surgery had been postponed for too long that the survival rates had dropped drastically. Honestly, everything had been done correctly and it was simply an unfortunate situation.
“But, you never really know what can break a man. Doctor Do became more reclusive than ever; I tried talking to him, suggested he speak to a therapist in the psychiatric ward, but he was just so out of it. He grew bitter, and with the hectic life we all live, there was no one there for him, not even myself. I regret that, not looking out for him like a good Hyung, seeing how he is now. He’s gonna be one tough egg to crack, Chanyeol, don’t get your hopes up,” Minseok finished, his gaze directed down the hall and not at Chanyeol.
Chanyeol perked his head at his Hyung’s last words, “what do you mean, crack him? I don’t understand.”
Minseok sighed painstakingly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat, “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not an expert on Do Kyungsoo, that boy is an enigma. Just… don’t give up on him too quick, he doesn’t need that again,” Minseok finished, the older man biting his lips and furrowing his brows as he tried to explain.
The ceiling lights blinked once or twice, “I never said I was going to give up.”
Minseok smiled, this time sincere, and his eyes at last met Chanyeol’s, “good.”
***
“Thanks for the coffee, by the way,” Kyungsoo adds after a couple sips. Chanyeol is slumped down in front of the leather armchair, his arm resting over Kyungsoo’s knees. He’s just tall enough sitting down to be able to get a glimpse outside, and he keeps his gaze on the people waltzing throughout the courtyard as Kyungsoo talks.
“No problem,” Chanyeol replies, squeezing Kyungsoo’s thigh with the hand that’s draped over it.
Kyungsoo continues to drink in silence and Chanyeol lets him. They’ve both been overworking this month and honestly some peace and quiet is exactly what they need.
Chanyeol yawns and leans his head on the side of Kyungsoo’s thigh, his eyes gently falling shut. He has surgery soon, a little over an hour left of his break, but exhaustion is finally taking toll. He lets out a soft sigh when Kyungsoo cards his fingers through his locks and hums when Chanyeol leans into his touch.
“You know the other couch is free, Chanyeol, if you really want to take a nap,” Kyungsoo remarks, brushing his thumb against Chanyeol’s cheek, fingers ghosting softly over the taller’s features and Chanyeol smiles when Kyungsoo’s pinky-finger tickles his nose.
“Wanna stay with you,” Chanyeol murmurs, prying Kyungsoo’s fingers off his face. “Come sit with me,” he pleads, pulling on Kyungsoo’s jeans. Kyungsoo’s not working for the rest of the day today, he’s just waiting for Chanyeol. The older had suggested that Kyungsoo should just go home and catch up on some well-deserved sleep, but Kyungsoo had merely smiled and said he would wait.
“What, sit on the floor?” Kyungsoo scoffs, but Chanyeol grins and tugs harder on his boyfriend’s pants.
“Yeah, it’s nice down here.”
Kyungsoo looks like he wants to argue but he slides down anyways. Chanyeol is quick to pull the smaller onto his lap, and Kyungsoo rests against Chanyeol and relaxes into his hold.
The chair obscures them from the rest of the room, and the setting almost feels private (he can still hear Baekhyun snoring but oh well). Its Kyungsoo who falls asleep, head nudged somewhere between Chanyeol’s shoulder and cheek, but Chanyeol continues to stare at the sky as the blue fades to pink and then orange.
Of course, they’re interrupted by Chanyeol’s pager, signifying it’s time for him to go, and Kyungsoo whines pitifully as Chanyeol peels him off of himself.
“Wish we could go home now,” Kyungsoo pouts, plopping himself back into the chair, re-curling himself into a little ball.
Chanyeol wants to kiss away the creases in Kyungsoo’s forehead, so he does, planting his lips on his boyfriend and holding them there till he has the courage to leave and go work.
“I’ll be back soon, then we can leave,” Chanyeol apologizes.
Kyungsoo smiles wide and nods, and Chanyeol can’t help but to reciprocate.
His exits the lounge, an unspoken I Love You dancing on the tip of his tongue.
He’ll save it for later.
***
Joonmyun called Chanyeol an idiot when the heart surgeon entered the hospital that morning, a bouquet of half a dozen flowers in his hands. The bouquet was composed of soft-pink roses, something Chanyeol had picked up from the florist next to his apartment. Red roses would have been to bold, probably, and the delicate but intricate flower Chanyeol had chosen on whim seemed like it would do the trick-whatever the trick was.
Chanyeol sauntered into the cardiology lounge, eyes scanning the room for Kyungsoo. He found the younger-but-more-experienced doctor sitting in the back of the lounge on a ratty old leather lounger, drinking from a plastic water bottle.
Chanyeol skipped his way over, whipping the bouquet under Kyungsoo’s nose.
“What-” Kyungsoo began before he looked up and saw the looming figure of Chanyeol grinning like he was the Cheshire Cat.
“They’re for you!” Chanyeol chirped, watching intently as Kyungsoo inspected the flowers now placed on his lap, his grin never ceasing.
“Why,” was the first thing that came pouring out of Kyungsoo’s mouth when he finally managed to find his voice. He looked up at Chanyeol, eyes clouded with confusion but also specks of aggravation that made Chanyeol take a step back.
“I thought you might like them?” Chanyeol suggested earnestly.
Kyungsoo gave the flowers another hard look before spitting out, “well I don’t. Take them back.”
Chanyeol muttered a quick apology before storming out of the room, eyes trained at the ground. He sensed rather than saw Joonmyun’s patronizing look.
(Chanyeol’s mother hugged her son tight that night when he showed up at his parent’s home, presenting her with the bouquet. She didn’t even mind that the flowers had started to wilt).
Chanyeol’s next approach was a little more subtle. He was partially taking Joonmyun’s advice to be more gentlemanly, and thus began opening doors to Kyungsoo and offering to carry his bag for him when they bumped into each other in the elevator on their way to the cardiology department.
However, he was met at first with cold and suspicious stares. After the twentieth time Chanyeol held the elevator door open for him, as the remaining passengers glared at Chanyeol impatiently, Kyungsoo simply rolled his eyes and stepped into the lift, not sparing Chanyeol another glance. Chanyeol considered it progress.
Chanyeol’s antics continued for a couple of weeks. Kyungsoo of course, began to ignore them, but that only spurred Chanyeol on further. Kyungsoo had to acknowledge him eventually.
“Hello, Do-Ssi, I bought you some tea. Its peach and passion fruit, with one spoonful of sugar! It’s your favourite; I had to ask Minseok-Hyung what you put in your tea, and I found the box while snooping in your bag-I mean, I just figured you might like this tea… yeah,” Chanyeol exclaimed, trying to keep the grin on his face from faltering as Kyungsoo stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to close the doors.
Kyungsoo gave Chanyeol a side-eyed look as the elevator began its ascent, and Chanyeol stood there with the steaming hot cup of tea in his hand, praying Kyungsoo would take it from him-and not just because it was burning his fingers.
“Are you going to drink your tea?” Chanyeol asked, attempting to keep his voice light and merry.
“I drank coffee this morning,” was Kyungsoo’s reply. It wasn’t as hard as some of Kyungsoo’s previous replies, but still, he hadn’t even turned to face away from the elevator doors.
“Oh, okay then,” Chanyeol replied, the smile finally washing itself off of his face. “I just thought you might like some, but whatever.”
Kyungsoo continued to peer at him, “well, I don’t.”
Chanyeol frowned, “sorry, didn’t realize thoughtful was a crime.”
Kyungsoo’s expression flickered to one of shock before his eyes narrowed dangerously, “I never asked you to make that for me.”
Chanyeol scoffed, “it’s called being nice. I doubt you’ve ever heard of it. Could I at least get a ‘no, thank you’?” Chanyeol knew he was being mean. Saying things like that was a sure-fire way to make Do Kyungsoo hate him more than he already did. Guilt began to float through Chanyeol’s veins, almost as strong as the anger and frustration he’d kept dialed on low for so long.
Kyungsoo’s nostrils flared, and he opened his mouth, probably to spout insults ten times more cruel, when Chanyeol realized something and held up his hand.
“-why isn’t the elevator moving?” Chanyeol questioned, cutting Kyungsoo off from whatever he was about to say.
They both paused, stared at each other as the realization slowly set in that the hospital elevator took about a minute to get to the 4th floor. They had been standing for at least three now and Chanyeol couldn’t recall the thing ever moving.
Kyungsoo pressed the ‘open doors’ button. Nothing happened. He pressed it again. He began repeatedly pressing the button but the doors wouldn’t budge.
“It would seem,” Chanyeol gulped, “that we are stuck in an elevator.”
They stared at in each other in silence, each mimicking the other’s expression of panic.
“This is what I get for trying to ride the elevator with you,” Kyungsoo spat, irately kicking the doors as if that would magically make them open. For all Chanyeol knew they were suspended between floors.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything!” Chanyeol cried. All he had done was step inside the elevator; hardly enough to break it.
“Well, you probably did, somehow, like karma or something,” Kyungsoo grumbled angrily, before slumping down in the corner of the elevator, knees tucked under his chin as he glared at Chanyeol, except his glare was about as effective as a kitty’s. Maybe they really were a cat/dog duo after all.
“Hey, if anything you’re the one with bad karma, always ignoring me. I have been nothing but pleasant and helpful,” Chanyeol remarked, only half-joking.
“Keep your definition of pleasant to yourself please,” doctor Do muttered.
“I mean, would a ‘thank you’ really have killed you?”
“It’s just…” Kyungsoo trailed off, bushy brows furrowed as he searched for his words, “why? Why do you keep following me around when I’ve made it clear so many times I don’t want you to?”
Kyungsoo’s voice was hard, but Chanyeol could sense the shell slowly breaking away.
“Do you really want to know the truth?” Chanyeol asked, eyeing Kyungsoo with sincerity. Trying to get Kyungsoo to like him felt like a battle, and honestly, Chanyeol no longer felt like pushing at the front lines. It was time to lay down his cards and surrender.
“At first I just wanted to make it up to you for knocking you down in the hallway; I thought you were just holding a grudge. But I saw how it wasn’t just me you treated coolly; it was everyone. I got curious, my mistake obviously, so I tried to dig deeper. Minseok-Hyung told me what happened, I know it’s not my place to know, but it made me feel horrible and just plain dumb,” Chanyeol admitted, nibbling nervously on his bottom lip.
“I don’t need you to pity me, Park Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo growled, looking more hurt if anything.
“I’m not pitying you, Kyungsoo. Pity would be giving you sad looks and treating you like you’re broken. You’re not broken though, are you Kyungsoo? Damaged? Maybe. In need of a little re-wiring. You blame yourself for a patient passing away, that’s okay. I think anybody would feel the same, but you have to move on eventually; things go wrong and people die, and we can try our best to prevent that, but ultimately death isn’t up to us to foil when the clock stops ticking.”
Kyungsoo covered his face with his hands. Chanyeol took a leap of faith and sat beside Kyungsoo in the corner, shoulder to shoulder.
“S-she wasn’t just a patient though, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo finally squeaked, and Chanyeol could tell by his shallow and uneven breaths that Kyungsoo was crying into his palms. Regret seeped through Chanyeol’s system slowly, but this was the first time Chanyeol had witnessed Do Kyungsoo showcase an emotion that wasn’t anger or exasperation. Chanyeol decided now was the time to hold his tongue.
“My sister had a weak heart; her life would have been in danger if no one paid serious attention to it. Unfortunately, doctors often overlooked her sickness due to her age. Finally, right after I graduated med school she needed surgery; I was assigned to help the chief surgeon.
“Her heart failed in the middle of the procedure and wouldn’t restart. My sister died on the operating table and I was there, I saw her last moments, and I couldn’t do a single thing but continue to follow procedure. Chanyeol, I couldn’t be there for her. I couldn’t do anything,” Kyungsoo continued to sob, his body trembling. Chanyeol couldn’t help himself; he grabbed the younger doctor and pulled him in close, tucking Kyungsoo’s head under his chin. The emotions were heavy, and Chanyeol could feel his heart threatening to break, but they weren’t a burden. How could they be, when at long last Kyungsoo had a way to set them free?
Kyungsoo raised his head and Chanyeol held the doctor’s small face in his hands. This was what had been hidden behind the cold stares and sharp, painful words. A mask to hide what lay within, one that had hidden Kyungsoo too well. Until now.
In that moment Chanyeol felt it. The pain, the fragility, the loneliness and the gravity of Do Kyungsoo. He could feel it clear as day, as fat, wet tears stained Kyungsoo’s cheeks and Chanyeol’s stomach dropped. He wasn’t even aware of what he was doing till after the fact, when he removed his lips from Kyungsoo’s and tasted salt water.
Kyungsoo stared at him, eyes wide, and without malice. He didn’t back away or show obvious disgust. He just looked on.
“Sorry,” Chanyeol whispered, but he wasn’t. “Your tea is still warm, if you want to drink it.”
“Okay.”
Chanyeol received a soft smile in return, one that set off a million butterflies in his tummy.
(They eventually remembered to press the emergency button in the elevator and five minutes later they were moving up once again).
Chanyeol could never forget the feeling of knowing Do Kyungsoo had stopped fighting him, knowing that he had chipped a hole in the sky-high walls and barbed wire that enclosed his heart, and finally, Chanyeol was somebody.
***
A few pictures from your past
And those walls you painted black
And the secrets that you keep under your bed
All you have to do is let me in your room
***
That night Chanyeol lays in bed, arms around a warm body and a head of black hair tickling the side of his face. His bedroom is quiet save for twin breathing and the continual hum of the ceiling fan.
“Thank you,” Chanyeol whispers drowsily, tightening his hold around Kyungsoo’s waist.
“For what?” Kyungsoo questions, or rather mumbles. He sounds sleepy, and was probably just about to fall asleep.
“Letting me in,” Chanyeol confesses.
Kyungsoo turns to face him, “Chanyeol, it’s almost midnight, can you save the cheesy dialogue until tomorrow, please?”
Chanyeol beams, “Sure, Kyungsoo.”
He settles back into bed, but not before placing a kiss to Kyungsoo’s temple.
“I love you.”
***
Tell me all about your past
Why you painted those walls black
Baby it's all right, you're safe in here with me
Open up so I can see