Chronicles of the shoe master
ʚ Title: Chronicles of the shoe master for nachtegael ♡
ʚ Pairing(s): Kyungsoo/Baekhyun
ʚ Rating: PG-13
ʚ Warnings: terrible crack
ʚ Word count: 4439 words
ʚ Summary: The SM department store includes Tao having problems with kids, Sehun being unhelpful and the sexual tension between the bra whisperer and the ahjumma magnet. Joonmyeon’s there for damage control and Jongdae just wants to work in peace.
ʚ Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: it’s been a long since i attempted crack so please pardon my lameness ;;;; and much thanks to the one and only for her holy guidance.
The SM department store is a place where middle-aged ladies gather to splurge their husbands’ salaries on things, and to regain their youth through useless products. Only the devil’s tongue and fingers can convince them to believe that a bottle of white substance can make the lines of age disappear, and glitter across their cheeks will make them look ethereal in any man’s eyes. It’s ridiculous, Tao thinks, but also magical. Do Kyungsoo is as magical as unicorns, or any leprechauns and gold.
While Do Kyungsoo sells beauty, Byun Baekhyun sells sensuality. With the power of the Wonderbra on his side, Baekhyun is a master at reciting the pros of those cups of all kinds, and he can easily tell the size of A woman’s chest just with a mere glimpse. But unfortunately for Baekhyun, fleshy titties aren’t his cup of tea. So the amount of joy in his job is pretty low and Tao’s ears often have to suffer the brunt of that. Boo boobs.
Tao works at the shoe section. Shoes for kids, to be exact. It’s filled with parents who are only interested in discounted or over-sized shoes for their kids because most of the shoes are expensive (but most they’re very good for kids!). It’s terrible to be only overly concerned with its price, because kids are precious little seeds for the future and parents should buy comfortable shoes for them regardless of the price (and Tao wouldn’t have to answer their dumbs queries on discounted shoes). Shoes obviously won’t last long with the constant wear and tear from running-
“Tao, why are you glaring at that lady?” Sehun asks with a deadpan stare. Tao blinks, waking up from his internal turmoil caused by stingy parents.
“Uhm, no reason. It’s just my face?” Tao tries to breeze through with a blatant lie.
“And my face is as friendly as Pororo,” Sehun snorts. “I’m not buying that.”
Baekhyun comes between them, wrapping his arms around their shoulders before Tao can give a legitimate retort. Sehun winces, frowning deeply at the arm. Baekhyun merely gives him a suggestive grin and Sehun shudders at it.
“I’m just gonna leave you guys,” Sehun mutters, slipping out of Baekhyun’s terror grip with ease.
“And to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?” Tao questions as he crosses his arms, eyeing the man with slanted eyes. Baekhyun immediately slouches and lets out a long sigh. Tao nods at him knowingly. “What about Kyungsoo?”
Baekhyun sucks in a sharp breath of air before he breathes out, “I think I’m going mad.”
“No kidding,” Tao says as he starts picking up the empty shoe boxes Sehun left behind. Baekhyun splutters, following Tao closely behind.
“No, I’m serious. Everytime I think of breasts, I’ll think of Kyungsoo’s chest.”
Tao blinks. “You do know that Kyungsoo has no bouncy lumps on his chest.”
“If I can get my hands on those-”
“Okay,” Tao says slowly as he presses his free hand over Baekhyun’s mouth. “I allow any form of swooning but that was just plain weird.”
“You liked it when I talked about the red lace-”
Tao dumps the boxes loudly on the table. “Because seeing you hopelessly infatuated is pretty endearing and I thought your imagination is limited to lingerie. But breasts are a whole new level.”
“What about breasts?” a voice cuts in and startles the both of them. Tao goes into a coughing fit so terrible that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo both step away from him, in fear of an infection. But nevertheless, Kyungsoo raises a brow at the two men as he places a bag on the table.
“We’re just talking about the amazing shape the new bras are give. It’s a whole new level of wonder support,” Baekhyun lies like an expert he is as Tao smiles nervously and wipes away the pained tears he has gotten from the fit, praying hard that Kyungsoo buys it.
“Right,” Kyungsoo articulates the word slowly as he unpacks the contents of his bag. Baekhyun cheers gleefully when he sees the packets of food on the table. Tao lets out a sob, lunging forward to hug the frowning man. Kyungsoo squeaks under Tao’s tight embrace.
“You’re welcome?” he breathes out, patting Tao’s back hesitantly.
“Did you buy our lunch from the food court again?” Baekhyun starts whining but Tao promptly picks up a spoon and stuffs it into Baekhyun’s mouth.
“Enough nonsense for the day.”
( . Y . )
One important thing he has gained through working in the department store, is the solo fanclub he has formed for the one special pairing.
Baeksoo is what Tao proudly calls them, though Jongdae and Sehun would die if they heard it because it’s as embarrassing as heck.
Tao’s most earnest wish is for Baekhyun and Kyungsoo to find their happiness in each other arms.
But that wish never seems likely to come true, considering the current status of their relationship. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are often found bickering, or busy stuffing each other’s mouths with fries. It’s frustrating to watch, to agonise over the tension because it’s obvious how much the two want each other. But they disguise that want with ridiculous spite and that’s frustrating too.
“They are really gross right now.” Sehun cringes as he watches them from across, feeding each other with the famous food court fries. Tao merely sighs in content, enjoying the peace while it lasts. “I thought they were at each other’s throats a while ago?”
“Fries are the perfect solution to every problem,” Tao mutters absently.
Sehun scoffs. “Oh look, now they are trying to stuff the fries down each other’s throat.”
Tao is proud of his role as their middleman. He’s also the only insane one who’s willing to listen to Baekhyun when he calls drunk, or watch Kyungsoo breaks things when he’s in rage mode (but only because of Baekhyun).
“Stop! Fries are a symbol of truce!!! Haven’t we agreed on that?” Tao yells as he charges towards his one true pairing.
Baekhyun pushes Tao’s face away and screeches loudly. “That changed when this fool here said chilli fries are better than cheese fries.”
“That’s a fact,” Kyungsoo grunts as he wrestles his way to Baekhyun’s nose, attempting to stick the fries in it. Tao lets out a yelp when he feels something gooey in his nose.
“Why are there fries in my nose?” he screeches out. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo stop moving and point at each other.
“His fault,” they both say and Sehun merely snorts, taking a quickly photo of Tao’s pathetic plight.
“Go Baeksoo,” Sehun cheers lifelessly and Tao throws a glare at his colleague.
( . Y . )
As Tao carries back the stack of rejected shoe boxes, Sehun occupies the only chair as he starts fiddling with his phone (playing Guitar Hero, probably).
"I need a little help here?" Tao whimpers as he struggles to balance the boxes. “I can’t see the front.”
Sehun shushes him. "Don't bug me when you're having issues with your height."
"Excuse you, you're as tall as me--"
Was it pure unluckiness or the devil’s doing, Joonmyeon chooses to enter the storeroom when Tao gets defeated by the boxes.
“Huang Zitao, what are you doing?” Joonmyeon squeaks when he spots Tao crawling out of the pile of punctured boxes. Sehun laughs flatly as he slides his phone into his pocket, pulling out a probably blank piece of paper and acting like it’s an important document. Joonmyeon falls for Sehun’s clever facade and chooses to attack poor Tao instead. Tao spends his break listening to Joonmyeon’s long lecture on tardiness and responsibility.
But just when Tao thought his day couldn’t get worse, it does. Strangely, a little girl is intimidated by the yellow tool Tao often uses to measure children's little feet, and she starts to cry.
“Oh my god, stop crying. That yellow thing won’t hurt you,” Tao says exasperatedly when the girl’s mother smiles helplessly at Tao because her words have failed to calm her daughter down. Fortunately for Tao, Baekhyun’s a nosy little shit and loud noises attract his attention. When Baekhyun sees the crying girl and Tao’s pleading eyes, he immediately goes into prince mode, or so they say, and charms his way through the girl’s heart.
“Oppa’s here,” he declares as he squats next to her, flashing the billion dollar smile. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
Whether its witchcraft or just pure attraction, the little girl somehow throws herself at Baekhyun, her tears and mucus dripping down onto his shoulder. Tao is sure glad that he isn’t in that position.
So it takes a million cooing sounds and a distortion of Baekhyun's pretty face to shut her up and to convince her that the plastic tool is a magical stone that will make her toes pretty if she steps on it. Tao isn't really a kids kind of guy because kids are little devils disguised in bouncy flesh with sparkly eyes. He secretly thinks the reason why kids love Baekhyun is because he is as devious as them. As they always say, evil minds think alike.
“Thanks for saving my butt. I can’t have another lecture from Joonmyeon or my ears will literally bleed,” Tao says when the girl and her mother leaves with their purchase. Baekhyun merely flips his hair before he gives Tao a cheesy wink.
“I think my lunch is coming out,” Sehun says from the storeroom. Tao ignores Sehun, squealing happily instead as he lifts Baekhyun up as high as he can. When he finally puts Baekhyun down, he spots Kyungsoo from the corner of his eyes, watching them with a familiar gaze. The swooning gaze that’s reserved only for his dearest Baekhyun, Tao calls it and he turns to Kyungsoo, giving him a knowing smile. Kyungsoo quickly straightens his back and turns away.
Tao spends his next break listening to Kyungsoo’s sighing over Baekhyun’s magical charm.
(“Lucky kid,” sighs Kyungsoo.
“If you tell him how you feel-”
“-and I will be mocked. He’ll use it against me and I will perish. Breathe a word about it and your face will look like a turkey’s ass.”
Tao simply gulps.)
( . Y . )
Tao likes the nice moments his one true pairing shares. They gives him fuzzy bubbles and glittery feet. Literally. Kyungsoo often gives freebies when he’s in a good mood and he puts more in the drawer that’s reserved for Baekhyun when he attempts to steal samples from the cosmetic counter.
“I can’t believe you’re not giving me that hand lotion. I saw extras in the drawer!” Sehun gasps incredulously. Tao pats Sehun’s cheek and sighs.
“I got nothing too. Not even the sparkly foot lotion,” Tao says dejectedly. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes as he leans back in the chair, chewing his gum nonchalantly.
“Firstly, the foot lotion was so terrible that the company stopped producing it,” Kyungsoo states coolly, staring ahead seriously (probably at Baekhyun, Tao reckons). “And secondly, Oh Sehun doesn’t need hand lotion. You’re aren’t worthy of it. Your fingers aren’t as nice as-”
“Too much information and stop staring at Baekhyun. It’s obvious,” Tao coughs as discreetly as he can and Kyungsoo reddens.
“Foot lotion is in the second drawer,” Kyungsoo simply says and Tao grins at sulking Sehun. Sehun sticks a tongue at him and stomps away.
When Tao is back at his station, arranging little shoes on brightly coloured shelves, he spots Kyungsoo lurking dangerously close to the lingerie section. Tao goes into panic mode, fearing of another potential cat fight.
But instead of a potentially life-threatening fight, Kyungsoo quietly leaves a box of hand lotion on Baekhyun’s table.
Tao’s Baeksoo feels erupt like fireworks in his chest and he lets out a pathetic sob. Why are they still not together, is what Tao texts Jongdae, to relieve himself of the angst he is getting from his one true pairing.
Go back to work is the reply he gets.
( . Y . )
Bad moments are the worst, Tao hates them with a burning grudge. They are like the terribly charred parts in the steak and the cringe-worthy jokes Joonmyeon tells. Tao, having the first-class seat in the Baeksoo theatre, grips Jongdae’s arm tightly when he sees Baekhyun flirting blatantly with a rather busty lady, a strange sight for the department store.
“I’m never taking a shift with you again if you’re gonna pinch me everytime he winks at the damn girl,” Jongdae mutters murderously under his breath. “And how many times can that prick wink?”
“He’s not even interested in her, what is he doing? This isn’t fair to Kyungsoo?” Tao shrieks, crumpling the cover of the shoebox. Jongdae shakes his head.
“Look, even Kyungsoo isn’t reacting to that lil shit! Why do you care?”
“Oh shush, you know nothing, he’s breaking! Deep inside, his poor achy heart is-”
“Oh god, ew no. I’m out. I’m taking my lunch break,” Jongdae retches as he grabs his staff pass. Tao quickly grabs Jongdae’s arm again. “I swear to god if you-”
“Get me chili fries if you’re going to the food court,” Tao says with a serious face.
“No,” Jongdae says firmly as he pushes Tao’s hand away from him.
“Kyungsoo needs them!” Tao screeches at Jongdae’s back when he walks off.
( . Y . )
Apparently busty girl left her number with Baekhyun, the lingerie extraordinaire, and Kyungsoo just had to witness that scene.
(“She literally kissed the receipt she wrote the number on,” Kyungsoo says as he chews on his gum with more gusto than usual. “That red looks terrible on her lips.” )
Baekhyun gets very protective of his skills as a bra whisperer as it’s a major brick in his yellow brick road of wealth. So when Kyungsoo says an offhanded comment about busty girl’s boobs being done (“So you shouldn’t be so sure about her size.”) and how blind he is for not noticing it, chaos erupts and fries start to fly around like there’s no tomorrow.
The fries date stops and Joonmyeon is called in dissolve the tension. Tao being BFF number one, becomes responsible for feeding chilli fries into Kyungsoo’s sulky lips later on that day. What an honour, quotes unquotes Oh Sehun.
It’s the end of his one true pairing, Tao exclaims sadly in his weeping heart, it’s the end of his life.
"You can't smile that way!" Jongdae shrieks. Tao shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly and resumes chunking the boxes of shoes back onto the shelves. Jongdae rubs his temples with a frown. "It's the fifth kid today! Is it necessary?"
"My life is falling apart. I am not obliged to smile like a sickening mascot."
"I'm running out of tissues. Make another kid cry and you're going to pay for it!"
"With what? My face?" Tao flips the boxes angrily, scoffing in disbelief. To Jongdae’s horror, a kid starts crying when Tao's fury-filled face flashes in front of him.
"Yeah, your face," Jongdae hisses and holds his hands out, slapping his palms against Tao’s cheeks. Tao gasps loudly, eyes wide with shock and disbelief.
“Look, I killed the evil monster. So stop crying, kiddo,” Jongdae says as he move his hands away Tao’s slightly swollen cheeks, squatting next to the kid. The kid stops crying and breaks into fits of giggles. Tao simply stares, speechless and flabbergasted.
This is probably the worst day of his life, he narrates in his head as he watches Jongdae cooing disgustingly at the devil’s incarnate, because no one’s sympathising him, not even dearest Jongdae.
( . Y . )
Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays are reserved for Kyungsoo. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for Baekhyun. Tao doesn’t work on Fridays, and Sundays are reserved for Sehun (“Why are you here again? Go eat somewhere else.” Sehun throws his juice box at Tao.) Life got more hectic and well, separated. Baekhyun starts to look like Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo starts to sound like Baekhyun. Sehun sounds as terrible as always and Jongdae keeps him sane and provides precious ice packs for Tao’s black eyes. (“Kyungsoo can really throws mean punches,” Jongdae sighs. “Now, what did you say to earn this?” “Lingerie.”)
“Just tell him how you feel and this petty argument will end?” Tao squawks loudly at Baekhyun who has been whining about wrinkly ladies cooing at Kyungsoo’s butt for the past hour. He’s pretty sure that’s what he whined about the last time and the time before that. When will his silly friends ever acknowledge Ladies as an occupational hazard?
“I will not concede defeat to that man and he will definitely throw me off the Namsan tower if I tell him how I feel,” Baekhyun says solemnly.
“I will throw him off the Namsan tower after telling him because brain damage might lead to amnesia,” says Kyungsoo when Tao says the exact words to him as an attempt to stop him crushing the last of the shoeboxes.
They fit so well together, like yin and yang. Baekhyun dampens the murderous aura that surrounds Kyungsoo and he makes Kyungsoo smile like he’s got a million bucks. He’s like the maple syrup to the pancakes, the chocolate fudge in the sundae and the rainbow sprinkles on the whipped cream. Kyungsoo keeps Baekhyun tame, makes him proper when he’s a mess. He’s the book cover to the book, the memory chip in a phone and the volcano that contains the hot sizzling lava.
As much as they appear to hate each other, Kyungsoo probably knows all of Baekhyun’s food preferences and Baekhyun probably knows Kyungsoo’s favourite jams so he can play it whenever they have a random dance off in the staff lounge. Tao reckons they probably know each other like the backs of their own hands.
So why aren’t they together, even though they’re perfect for each other?
Fate and their hugeass egos.
“Jealousy is a pain in the ass,” Sehun says when Tao sobs into his shoulder. “Why am I even involved in this?”
And so, the SM department store suffers much pain in their own respective butts in this dark period which Tao proudly names the “achy Baeksoo moment” and secretly builds a prayer circle in the storeroom. Joonmyeon docks a part of Tao’s pay off because of property damage.
( . Y . )
“As much as I like my one true pairing, this is too much? I need my own life too,” Tao announces suddenly during lunch. Sehun appears unfazed by the revelation as he continues to chew on his sandwich.
“So you finally get it?” Joonmyeon sighs, running his hand through his badly bleached hair. “And who taught him those ridiculous terms? ”
“Baekhyun,” Sehun replies, spitting crumbs onto Joonmyeon’s face. “He needed emotional support and has plenty of dumb ideas. Tao is a product of that empty brain.”
“But that isn’t the point! They’re getting on my nerves because how ignorant can they both get? I spent my life on them and they’re just--”
“Three years isn’t a lifetime. Did you pass math?” Sehun snorts, waving his sandwich at Tao who in return cringes at the pickle on it. Joonmyeon rubs his temples, wondering about the sanity of his staff.
“It was a metaphor but that’s not the point either? How do we fix them?” Tao gestures wildly at his colleagues, eyes on the verge of being dislocated from their sockets.
“You don’t. This is their problem. You need to let them go,” Joonmyeon says in a fatherly voice as he pulls Tao into an embrace, pressing his head against his chest as he strokes it gingerly. “Let. Them. Go.”
“You’re just doing damage control, aren’t you?” Sehun snickers at Joonmyeon.
( . Y . )
On a Wednesday, Tao sits with Baekhyun for lunch which is weird, because wednesdays are solely reserved for Kyungsoo and Tao. Baekhyun stares at him, mouth agape and food probably dripping down disgustingly. Tao gives his friend a tight smile as he digs into his meal.
“You are not supposed to be here.”
Tao scoffs, leaning forward to close Baekhyun’s mouth. “Says who?”
“The holy Do Kyungsoo?”
“And you of all people care?” Tao laughs fakely as he sips his soup from the bowl. Baekhyun sticks his fork into his cheese fries and gives Tao a stare down.
“What’s going on?”
Tao shrugs. “Gee, I thought you would probably have noticed it by now.”
Baekhyun scrunches his face up, scratching his chin as he looks around. “Notice what- Oh.”
Tao gives him a smug grin when he sees Baekhyun frowning deeply. “Aren’t you happy? That your greatest nemesis isn’t here to hog me? You can have me for the entire day.” Tao makes a kissy face at him. Baekhyun doesn’t smile.
“What happened?” he asks instead, with worry plastered all over his pretty face. Tao’s grin falters. Letting out a short grunt, Tao slides his phone towards Baekhyun.
Sick, not coming to work.
Baekhyun’s eyes widen.
“Is he alright?” he asks curtly, though concern in obvious in his voice. Tao takes his phone back and carries on with eating. Baekhyun quietly stares at him, fingers twitching nervously. Tao knows it when he sees a whimpering puppy who knows he’s in the wrong. Having nothing but sympathy and feels for his friend, Tao’s face softens.
“Go see him if you’re that worried,” Tao says, patting Baekhyun’s arm. “I’m not gonna do anything for you brats anymore. Nanny Tao is retiring.”
Baekhyun gets up from his seat and gives Tao’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.
“Thanks,” is what he says before he runs off. Where to, Tao wonders but he doesn’t know. Definitely not into the sunset though because it’s still noon. But what Tao definitely knows, is that Joonmyeon is going skin him alive because who’s going to cover for Baekhyun?
Damn feels and the unfabulous trend of YOLOing.
( . Y . )
“This is why people should stick with their status quo,” Joonmyeon sighs as he massages his temple to ease the throbbing ache.
“I spot a High School Musical reference. Not funny, gramps,” Sehun says boredly as he fiddles with the stray papers on the table. Joonmyeon cracks his knuckles loudly as he glares at Sehun. Sehun stops breathing and straightens his back. Tao conjures up his most pleasing smile and starts walking backwards. Joonmyeon quickly grabs onto Tao’s arm.
“You initiated this, so you handle this.” Joonmyeon tilts his head to the side murderously, eyes slicing fear into Tao’s fragile soul. Tao trembles.
“I know the best person who can totally replace Baekhyun temporarily.” Tao squeaks out with his eyes closed.
“And who do you suggest?”
Tao opens an eyes and points at Sehun. Joonmyeon smiles creepily, nodding at Tao’s choice. “For once, I like your suggestion.”
“Why am I involved in this again?” Sehun squawks helplessly.
( . Y . )
"Nice mask. It's very friendly," Jongdae laughs as he stuffs himself with cup noodles. Tao rolls his eyes, but he doubts Jongdae will be able to see it. He whacks his mask in frustration. Joonmyeon had bought a 'Dora the Explorer' mask, and it comes with tangled strands of brown that looks vaguely like a mop drenched in poop.
"The kids will cry even more, I swear."
"Well at least Joonmyeon didn't force you to carry that hideous bag," Jongdae adds, waving his chopsticks in his face. Tao turns his head to the bundle hanging behind the door and he cringes at the very disfigured face of the supposedly friendly 'Backpack'.
"It was on sale, wasn't it."
Jongdae nods sadly.
“The kids cry because they don’t understand the art of my face! And that’s a huge mistake!” Tao hollers as he flails his arms in frustration. Jongdae sighs before he puts his lunch down, pulling the horrendous mask off Tao’s face.
“This mask is terrible. You can’t wear it. I’ll die from your complains.”
“I-”
At this exact moment, Anaconda plays loudly from his ass. Tao starts spluttering while Jongdae coughs, silently judging him from the corners of his eyes. Tao gives him an indignant sulk, mouthing ‘Sehun’ with all his lip muscles.
“Yes, what?” Tao finally answers the phone. “This day isn’t going very well for me. Make it snappy.”
“We slept together.”
Tao blinks before he pulls away from his phone staring at the caller ID. It’s Baekhyun but he’s very sure this voice doesn’t belong to Byun Baekhyun.
“Who’s speaking?”
“Do Kyungsoo-”
Tao drops his phone and lets out a loud screech. Startled, Jongdae spills his cup noodles over.
“Huang Zitao, what on earth is happening?”
Tao grabs Jongdae by his shoulder and shakes him.
“They slept together! Oh my fucking god. My one true pairing slept together. It’s fucking canon I-”
“I don’t understand a single word you’re saying so shut up-”
“BYUN BAEKHYUN AND DO KYUNGSOO SLEPT TOGETHER!”
“Oh,” says Jongdae and “I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU WHEN I GET BACK,” says the phone, or Do Kyungsoo.
( . Y . )
“And we live happily ever after!” Baekhyun exclaims happily as Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. Tao wipes a tear away from the corner of his eye, touched by Baekhyun’s recount of Baeksoo’s reconciliation. Sehun huffs in response, turning away from the new couple in disgust.
“What’s wrong with him?” Baekhyun asks, staring at Sehun’s back.
“I guess cakes can’t heal his trauma,” Tao teases as he wriggles his eyebrows. Sehun nudges hard Tao with his elbow, scowling.
“Ah, so he discovered the wonders of the Wonderbra?” Baekhyun whispers to Tao and Tao nods eagerly.
“They made him wear the pink one. I even took a photo of it,” he whispers back, earning another hit from Sehun.
“Ahjummas are fun to manipulate,” Kyungsoo says nonchalantly, “if you know their weaknesses well enough.”
Sehun cringes. “Not helping.”
“Come on, we bought cakes to apologise for yesterday’s situation. Expensive cakes, by the way.”
“Not helping.” Sehun repeats as he grabs the entire box of cakes. “But I’m calling dibs on every one of those cakes.”
“Whatever makes you happy,” Baekhyun says as he ruffles Sehun’s hair. Tao leans closer to Kyungsoo with eager eyes and a wide smile.
“So tell me what happened?”
“Baekhyun told the entire story.”
“No, he did not,” Tao rebutts, “because that’s not what I heard on the phone and I see red spots on your neck?”
“Ah, right. Yesterday. Thanks for reminding me,” Kyungsoo says with a pleasant smile on his lips. Tao clasps his hands together excitedly. Kyungsoo’s smile falls as he lunges forward, headlocking Tao in a deadly chokehold. Baekhyun shrieks loudly as he pages Joonmyeon for damage control.
(Of course, Joonmyeon ignores it.)
ʚ Pairing(s): Kyungsoo/Baekhyun
ʚ Rating: PG-13
ʚ Warnings: terrible crack
ʚ Word count: 4439 words
ʚ Summary: The SM department store includes Tao having problems with kids, Sehun being unhelpful and the sexual tension between the bra whisperer and the ahjumma magnet. Joonmyeon’s there for damage control and Jongdae just wants to work in peace.
ʚ Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: it’s been a long since i attempted crack so please pardon my lameness ;;;; and much thanks to the one and only for her holy guidance.
The SM department store is a place where middle-aged ladies gather to splurge their husbands’ salaries on things, and to regain their youth through useless products. Only the devil’s tongue and fingers can convince them to believe that a bottle of white substance can make the lines of age disappear, and glitter across their cheeks will make them look ethereal in any man’s eyes. It’s ridiculous, Tao thinks, but also magical. Do Kyungsoo is as magical as unicorns, or any leprechauns and gold.
While Do Kyungsoo sells beauty, Byun Baekhyun sells sensuality. With the power of the Wonderbra on his side, Baekhyun is a master at reciting the pros of those cups of all kinds, and he can easily tell the size of A woman’s chest just with a mere glimpse. But unfortunately for Baekhyun, fleshy titties aren’t his cup of tea. So the amount of joy in his job is pretty low and Tao’s ears often have to suffer the brunt of that. Boo boobs.
Tao works at the shoe section. Shoes for kids, to be exact. It’s filled with parents who are only interested in discounted or over-sized shoes for their kids because most of the shoes are expensive (but most they’re very good for kids!). It’s terrible to be only overly concerned with its price, because kids are precious little seeds for the future and parents should buy comfortable shoes for them regardless of the price (and Tao wouldn’t have to answer their dumbs queries on discounted shoes). Shoes obviously won’t last long with the constant wear and tear from running-
“Tao, why are you glaring at that lady?” Sehun asks with a deadpan stare. Tao blinks, waking up from his internal turmoil caused by stingy parents.
“Uhm, no reason. It’s just my face?” Tao tries to breeze through with a blatant lie.
“And my face is as friendly as Pororo,” Sehun snorts. “I’m not buying that.”
Baekhyun comes between them, wrapping his arms around their shoulders before Tao can give a legitimate retort. Sehun winces, frowning deeply at the arm. Baekhyun merely gives him a suggestive grin and Sehun shudders at it.
“I’m just gonna leave you guys,” Sehun mutters, slipping out of Baekhyun’s terror grip with ease.
“And to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?” Tao questions as he crosses his arms, eyeing the man with slanted eyes. Baekhyun immediately slouches and lets out a long sigh. Tao nods at him knowingly. “What about Kyungsoo?”
Baekhyun sucks in a sharp breath of air before he breathes out, “I think I’m going mad.”
“No kidding,” Tao says as he starts picking up the empty shoe boxes Sehun left behind. Baekhyun splutters, following Tao closely behind.
“No, I’m serious. Everytime I think of breasts, I’ll think of Kyungsoo’s chest.”
Tao blinks. “You do know that Kyungsoo has no bouncy lumps on his chest.”
“If I can get my hands on those-”
“Okay,” Tao says slowly as he presses his free hand over Baekhyun’s mouth. “I allow any form of swooning but that was just plain weird.”
“You liked it when I talked about the red lace-”
Tao dumps the boxes loudly on the table. “Because seeing you hopelessly infatuated is pretty endearing and I thought your imagination is limited to lingerie. But breasts are a whole new level.”
“What about breasts?” a voice cuts in and startles the both of them. Tao goes into a coughing fit so terrible that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo both step away from him, in fear of an infection. But nevertheless, Kyungsoo raises a brow at the two men as he places a bag on the table.
“We’re just talking about the amazing shape the new bras are give. It’s a whole new level of wonder support,” Baekhyun lies like an expert he is as Tao smiles nervously and wipes away the pained tears he has gotten from the fit, praying hard that Kyungsoo buys it.
“Right,” Kyungsoo articulates the word slowly as he unpacks the contents of his bag. Baekhyun cheers gleefully when he sees the packets of food on the table. Tao lets out a sob, lunging forward to hug the frowning man. Kyungsoo squeaks under Tao’s tight embrace.
“You’re welcome?” he breathes out, patting Tao’s back hesitantly.
“Did you buy our lunch from the food court again?” Baekhyun starts whining but Tao promptly picks up a spoon and stuffs it into Baekhyun’s mouth.
“Enough nonsense for the day.”
( . Y . )
One important thing he has gained through working in the department store, is the solo fanclub he has formed for the one special pairing.
Baeksoo is what Tao proudly calls them, though Jongdae and Sehun would die if they heard it because it’s as embarrassing as heck.
Tao’s most earnest wish is for Baekhyun and Kyungsoo to find their happiness in each other arms.
But that wish never seems likely to come true, considering the current status of their relationship. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are often found bickering, or busy stuffing each other’s mouths with fries. It’s frustrating to watch, to agonise over the tension because it’s obvious how much the two want each other. But they disguise that want with ridiculous spite and that’s frustrating too.
“They are really gross right now.” Sehun cringes as he watches them from across, feeding each other with the famous food court fries. Tao merely sighs in content, enjoying the peace while it lasts. “I thought they were at each other’s throats a while ago?”
“Fries are the perfect solution to every problem,” Tao mutters absently.
Sehun scoffs. “Oh look, now they are trying to stuff the fries down each other’s throat.”
Tao is proud of his role as their middleman. He’s also the only insane one who’s willing to listen to Baekhyun when he calls drunk, or watch Kyungsoo breaks things when he’s in rage mode (but only because of Baekhyun).
“Stop! Fries are a symbol of truce!!! Haven’t we agreed on that?” Tao yells as he charges towards his one true pairing.
Baekhyun pushes Tao’s face away and screeches loudly. “That changed when this fool here said chilli fries are better than cheese fries.”
“That’s a fact,” Kyungsoo grunts as he wrestles his way to Baekhyun’s nose, attempting to stick the fries in it. Tao lets out a yelp when he feels something gooey in his nose.
“Why are there fries in my nose?” he screeches out. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo stop moving and point at each other.
“His fault,” they both say and Sehun merely snorts, taking a quickly photo of Tao’s pathetic plight.
“Go Baeksoo,” Sehun cheers lifelessly and Tao throws a glare at his colleague.
( . Y . )
As Tao carries back the stack of rejected shoe boxes, Sehun occupies the only chair as he starts fiddling with his phone (playing Guitar Hero, probably).
"I need a little help here?" Tao whimpers as he struggles to balance the boxes. “I can’t see the front.”
Sehun shushes him. "Don't bug me when you're having issues with your height."
"Excuse you, you're as tall as me--"
Was it pure unluckiness or the devil’s doing, Joonmyeon chooses to enter the storeroom when Tao gets defeated by the boxes.
“Huang Zitao, what are you doing?” Joonmyeon squeaks when he spots Tao crawling out of the pile of punctured boxes. Sehun laughs flatly as he slides his phone into his pocket, pulling out a probably blank piece of paper and acting like it’s an important document. Joonmyeon falls for Sehun’s clever facade and chooses to attack poor Tao instead. Tao spends his break listening to Joonmyeon’s long lecture on tardiness and responsibility.
But just when Tao thought his day couldn’t get worse, it does. Strangely, a little girl is intimidated by the yellow tool Tao often uses to measure children's little feet, and she starts to cry.
“Oh my god, stop crying. That yellow thing won’t hurt you,” Tao says exasperatedly when the girl’s mother smiles helplessly at Tao because her words have failed to calm her daughter down. Fortunately for Tao, Baekhyun’s a nosy little shit and loud noises attract his attention. When Baekhyun sees the crying girl and Tao’s pleading eyes, he immediately goes into prince mode, or so they say, and charms his way through the girl’s heart.
“Oppa’s here,” he declares as he squats next to her, flashing the billion dollar smile. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
Whether its witchcraft or just pure attraction, the little girl somehow throws herself at Baekhyun, her tears and mucus dripping down onto his shoulder. Tao is sure glad that he isn’t in that position.
So it takes a million cooing sounds and a distortion of Baekhyun's pretty face to shut her up and to convince her that the plastic tool is a magical stone that will make her toes pretty if she steps on it. Tao isn't really a kids kind of guy because kids are little devils disguised in bouncy flesh with sparkly eyes. He secretly thinks the reason why kids love Baekhyun is because he is as devious as them. As they always say, evil minds think alike.
“Thanks for saving my butt. I can’t have another lecture from Joonmyeon or my ears will literally bleed,” Tao says when the girl and her mother leaves with their purchase. Baekhyun merely flips his hair before he gives Tao a cheesy wink.
“I think my lunch is coming out,” Sehun says from the storeroom. Tao ignores Sehun, squealing happily instead as he lifts Baekhyun up as high as he can. When he finally puts Baekhyun down, he spots Kyungsoo from the corner of his eyes, watching them with a familiar gaze. The swooning gaze that’s reserved only for his dearest Baekhyun, Tao calls it and he turns to Kyungsoo, giving him a knowing smile. Kyungsoo quickly straightens his back and turns away.
Tao spends his next break listening to Kyungsoo’s sighing over Baekhyun’s magical charm.
(“Lucky kid,” sighs Kyungsoo.
“If you tell him how you feel-”
“-and I will be mocked. He’ll use it against me and I will perish. Breathe a word about it and your face will look like a turkey’s ass.”
Tao simply gulps.)
( . Y . )
Tao likes the nice moments his one true pairing shares. They gives him fuzzy bubbles and glittery feet. Literally. Kyungsoo often gives freebies when he’s in a good mood and he puts more in the drawer that’s reserved for Baekhyun when he attempts to steal samples from the cosmetic counter.
“I can’t believe you’re not giving me that hand lotion. I saw extras in the drawer!” Sehun gasps incredulously. Tao pats Sehun’s cheek and sighs.
“I got nothing too. Not even the sparkly foot lotion,” Tao says dejectedly. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes as he leans back in the chair, chewing his gum nonchalantly.
“Firstly, the foot lotion was so terrible that the company stopped producing it,” Kyungsoo states coolly, staring ahead seriously (probably at Baekhyun, Tao reckons). “And secondly, Oh Sehun doesn’t need hand lotion. You’re aren’t worthy of it. Your fingers aren’t as nice as-”
“Too much information and stop staring at Baekhyun. It’s obvious,” Tao coughs as discreetly as he can and Kyungsoo reddens.
“Foot lotion is in the second drawer,” Kyungsoo simply says and Tao grins at sulking Sehun. Sehun sticks a tongue at him and stomps away.
When Tao is back at his station, arranging little shoes on brightly coloured shelves, he spots Kyungsoo lurking dangerously close to the lingerie section. Tao goes into panic mode, fearing of another potential cat fight.
But instead of a potentially life-threatening fight, Kyungsoo quietly leaves a box of hand lotion on Baekhyun’s table.
Tao’s Baeksoo feels erupt like fireworks in his chest and he lets out a pathetic sob. Why are they still not together, is what Tao texts Jongdae, to relieve himself of the angst he is getting from his one true pairing.
Go back to work is the reply he gets.
( . Y . )
Bad moments are the worst, Tao hates them with a burning grudge. They are like the terribly charred parts in the steak and the cringe-worthy jokes Joonmyeon tells. Tao, having the first-class seat in the Baeksoo theatre, grips Jongdae’s arm tightly when he sees Baekhyun flirting blatantly with a rather busty lady, a strange sight for the department store.
“I’m never taking a shift with you again if you’re gonna pinch me everytime he winks at the damn girl,” Jongdae mutters murderously under his breath. “And how many times can that prick wink?”
“He’s not even interested in her, what is he doing? This isn’t fair to Kyungsoo?” Tao shrieks, crumpling the cover of the shoebox. Jongdae shakes his head.
“Look, even Kyungsoo isn’t reacting to that lil shit! Why do you care?”
“Oh shush, you know nothing, he’s breaking! Deep inside, his poor achy heart is-”
“Oh god, ew no. I’m out. I’m taking my lunch break,” Jongdae retches as he grabs his staff pass. Tao quickly grabs Jongdae’s arm again. “I swear to god if you-”
“Get me chili fries if you’re going to the food court,” Tao says with a serious face.
“No,” Jongdae says firmly as he pushes Tao’s hand away from him.
“Kyungsoo needs them!” Tao screeches at Jongdae’s back when he walks off.
( . Y . )
Apparently busty girl left her number with Baekhyun, the lingerie extraordinaire, and Kyungsoo just had to witness that scene.
(“She literally kissed the receipt she wrote the number on,” Kyungsoo says as he chews on his gum with more gusto than usual. “That red looks terrible on her lips.” )
Baekhyun gets very protective of his skills as a bra whisperer as it’s a major brick in his yellow brick road of wealth. So when Kyungsoo says an offhanded comment about busty girl’s boobs being done (“So you shouldn’t be so sure about her size.”) and how blind he is for not noticing it, chaos erupts and fries start to fly around like there’s no tomorrow.
The fries date stops and Joonmyeon is called in dissolve the tension. Tao being BFF number one, becomes responsible for feeding chilli fries into Kyungsoo’s sulky lips later on that day. What an honour, quotes unquotes Oh Sehun.
It’s the end of his one true pairing, Tao exclaims sadly in his weeping heart, it’s the end of his life.
"You can't smile that way!" Jongdae shrieks. Tao shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly and resumes chunking the boxes of shoes back onto the shelves. Jongdae rubs his temples with a frown. "It's the fifth kid today! Is it necessary?"
"My life is falling apart. I am not obliged to smile like a sickening mascot."
"I'm running out of tissues. Make another kid cry and you're going to pay for it!"
"With what? My face?" Tao flips the boxes angrily, scoffing in disbelief. To Jongdae’s horror, a kid starts crying when Tao's fury-filled face flashes in front of him.
"Yeah, your face," Jongdae hisses and holds his hands out, slapping his palms against Tao’s cheeks. Tao gasps loudly, eyes wide with shock and disbelief.
“Look, I killed the evil monster. So stop crying, kiddo,” Jongdae says as he move his hands away Tao’s slightly swollen cheeks, squatting next to the kid. The kid stops crying and breaks into fits of giggles. Tao simply stares, speechless and flabbergasted.
This is probably the worst day of his life, he narrates in his head as he watches Jongdae cooing disgustingly at the devil’s incarnate, because no one’s sympathising him, not even dearest Jongdae.
( . Y . )
Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays are reserved for Kyungsoo. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for Baekhyun. Tao doesn’t work on Fridays, and Sundays are reserved for Sehun (“Why are you here again? Go eat somewhere else.” Sehun throws his juice box at Tao.) Life got more hectic and well, separated. Baekhyun starts to look like Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo starts to sound like Baekhyun. Sehun sounds as terrible as always and Jongdae keeps him sane and provides precious ice packs for Tao’s black eyes. (“Kyungsoo can really throws mean punches,” Jongdae sighs. “Now, what did you say to earn this?” “Lingerie.”)
“Just tell him how you feel and this petty argument will end?” Tao squawks loudly at Baekhyun who has been whining about wrinkly ladies cooing at Kyungsoo’s butt for the past hour. He’s pretty sure that’s what he whined about the last time and the time before that. When will his silly friends ever acknowledge Ladies as an occupational hazard?
“I will not concede defeat to that man and he will definitely throw me off the Namsan tower if I tell him how I feel,” Baekhyun says solemnly.
“I will throw him off the Namsan tower after telling him because brain damage might lead to amnesia,” says Kyungsoo when Tao says the exact words to him as an attempt to stop him crushing the last of the shoeboxes.
They fit so well together, like yin and yang. Baekhyun dampens the murderous aura that surrounds Kyungsoo and he makes Kyungsoo smile like he’s got a million bucks. He’s like the maple syrup to the pancakes, the chocolate fudge in the sundae and the rainbow sprinkles on the whipped cream. Kyungsoo keeps Baekhyun tame, makes him proper when he’s a mess. He’s the book cover to the book, the memory chip in a phone and the volcano that contains the hot sizzling lava.
As much as they appear to hate each other, Kyungsoo probably knows all of Baekhyun’s food preferences and Baekhyun probably knows Kyungsoo’s favourite jams so he can play it whenever they have a random dance off in the staff lounge. Tao reckons they probably know each other like the backs of their own hands.
So why aren’t they together, even though they’re perfect for each other?
Fate and their hugeass egos.
“Jealousy is a pain in the ass,” Sehun says when Tao sobs into his shoulder. “Why am I even involved in this?”
And so, the SM department store suffers much pain in their own respective butts in this dark period which Tao proudly names the “achy Baeksoo moment” and secretly builds a prayer circle in the storeroom. Joonmyeon docks a part of Tao’s pay off because of property damage.
( . Y . )
“As much as I like my one true pairing, this is too much? I need my own life too,” Tao announces suddenly during lunch. Sehun appears unfazed by the revelation as he continues to chew on his sandwich.
“So you finally get it?” Joonmyeon sighs, running his hand through his badly bleached hair. “And who taught him those ridiculous terms? ”
“Baekhyun,” Sehun replies, spitting crumbs onto Joonmyeon’s face. “He needed emotional support and has plenty of dumb ideas. Tao is a product of that empty brain.”
“But that isn’t the point! They’re getting on my nerves because how ignorant can they both get? I spent my life on them and they’re just--”
“Three years isn’t a lifetime. Did you pass math?” Sehun snorts, waving his sandwich at Tao who in return cringes at the pickle on it. Joonmyeon rubs his temples, wondering about the sanity of his staff.
“It was a metaphor but that’s not the point either? How do we fix them?” Tao gestures wildly at his colleagues, eyes on the verge of being dislocated from their sockets.
“You don’t. This is their problem. You need to let them go,” Joonmyeon says in a fatherly voice as he pulls Tao into an embrace, pressing his head against his chest as he strokes it gingerly. “Let. Them. Go.”
“You’re just doing damage control, aren’t you?” Sehun snickers at Joonmyeon.
( . Y . )
On a Wednesday, Tao sits with Baekhyun for lunch which is weird, because wednesdays are solely reserved for Kyungsoo and Tao. Baekhyun stares at him, mouth agape and food probably dripping down disgustingly. Tao gives his friend a tight smile as he digs into his meal.
“You are not supposed to be here.”
Tao scoffs, leaning forward to close Baekhyun’s mouth. “Says who?”
“The holy Do Kyungsoo?”
“And you of all people care?” Tao laughs fakely as he sips his soup from the bowl. Baekhyun sticks his fork into his cheese fries and gives Tao a stare down.
“What’s going on?”
Tao shrugs. “Gee, I thought you would probably have noticed it by now.”
Baekhyun scrunches his face up, scratching his chin as he looks around. “Notice what- Oh.”
Tao gives him a smug grin when he sees Baekhyun frowning deeply. “Aren’t you happy? That your greatest nemesis isn’t here to hog me? You can have me for the entire day.” Tao makes a kissy face at him. Baekhyun doesn’t smile.
“What happened?” he asks instead, with worry plastered all over his pretty face. Tao’s grin falters. Letting out a short grunt, Tao slides his phone towards Baekhyun.
Sick, not coming to work.
Baekhyun’s eyes widen.
“Is he alright?” he asks curtly, though concern in obvious in his voice. Tao takes his phone back and carries on with eating. Baekhyun quietly stares at him, fingers twitching nervously. Tao knows it when he sees a whimpering puppy who knows he’s in the wrong. Having nothing but sympathy and feels for his friend, Tao’s face softens.
“Go see him if you’re that worried,” Tao says, patting Baekhyun’s arm. “I’m not gonna do anything for you brats anymore. Nanny Tao is retiring.”
Baekhyun gets up from his seat and gives Tao’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.
“Thanks,” is what he says before he runs off. Where to, Tao wonders but he doesn’t know. Definitely not into the sunset though because it’s still noon. But what Tao definitely knows, is that Joonmyeon is going skin him alive because who’s going to cover for Baekhyun?
Damn feels and the unfabulous trend of YOLOing.
( . Y . )
“This is why people should stick with their status quo,” Joonmyeon sighs as he massages his temple to ease the throbbing ache.
“I spot a High School Musical reference. Not funny, gramps,” Sehun says boredly as he fiddles with the stray papers on the table. Joonmyeon cracks his knuckles loudly as he glares at Sehun. Sehun stops breathing and straightens his back. Tao conjures up his most pleasing smile and starts walking backwards. Joonmyeon quickly grabs onto Tao’s arm.
“You initiated this, so you handle this.” Joonmyeon tilts his head to the side murderously, eyes slicing fear into Tao’s fragile soul. Tao trembles.
“I know the best person who can totally replace Baekhyun temporarily.” Tao squeaks out with his eyes closed.
“And who do you suggest?”
Tao opens an eyes and points at Sehun. Joonmyeon smiles creepily, nodding at Tao’s choice. “For once, I like your suggestion.”
“Why am I involved in this again?” Sehun squawks helplessly.
( . Y . )
"Nice mask. It's very friendly," Jongdae laughs as he stuffs himself with cup noodles. Tao rolls his eyes, but he doubts Jongdae will be able to see it. He whacks his mask in frustration. Joonmyeon had bought a 'Dora the Explorer' mask, and it comes with tangled strands of brown that looks vaguely like a mop drenched in poop.
"The kids will cry even more, I swear."
"Well at least Joonmyeon didn't force you to carry that hideous bag," Jongdae adds, waving his chopsticks in his face. Tao turns his head to the bundle hanging behind the door and he cringes at the very disfigured face of the supposedly friendly 'Backpack'.
"It was on sale, wasn't it."
Jongdae nods sadly.
“The kids cry because they don’t understand the art of my face! And that’s a huge mistake!” Tao hollers as he flails his arms in frustration. Jongdae sighs before he puts his lunch down, pulling the horrendous mask off Tao’s face.
“This mask is terrible. You can’t wear it. I’ll die from your complains.”
“I-”
At this exact moment, Anaconda plays loudly from his ass. Tao starts spluttering while Jongdae coughs, silently judging him from the corners of his eyes. Tao gives him an indignant sulk, mouthing ‘Sehun’ with all his lip muscles.
“Yes, what?” Tao finally answers the phone. “This day isn’t going very well for me. Make it snappy.”
“We slept together.”
Tao blinks before he pulls away from his phone staring at the caller ID. It’s Baekhyun but he’s very sure this voice doesn’t belong to Byun Baekhyun.
“Who’s speaking?”
“Do Kyungsoo-”
Tao drops his phone and lets out a loud screech. Startled, Jongdae spills his cup noodles over.
“Huang Zitao, what on earth is happening?”
Tao grabs Jongdae by his shoulder and shakes him.
“They slept together! Oh my fucking god. My one true pairing slept together. It’s fucking canon I-”
“I don’t understand a single word you’re saying so shut up-”
“BYUN BAEKHYUN AND DO KYUNGSOO SLEPT TOGETHER!”
“Oh,” says Jongdae and “I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU WHEN I GET BACK,” says the phone, or Do Kyungsoo.
( . Y . )
“And we live happily ever after!” Baekhyun exclaims happily as Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. Tao wipes a tear away from the corner of his eye, touched by Baekhyun’s recount of Baeksoo’s reconciliation. Sehun huffs in response, turning away from the new couple in disgust.
“What’s wrong with him?” Baekhyun asks, staring at Sehun’s back.
“I guess cakes can’t heal his trauma,” Tao teases as he wriggles his eyebrows. Sehun nudges hard Tao with his elbow, scowling.
“Ah, so he discovered the wonders of the Wonderbra?” Baekhyun whispers to Tao and Tao nods eagerly.
“They made him wear the pink one. I even took a photo of it,” he whispers back, earning another hit from Sehun.
“Ahjummas are fun to manipulate,” Kyungsoo says nonchalantly, “if you know their weaknesses well enough.”
Sehun cringes. “Not helping.”
“Come on, we bought cakes to apologise for yesterday’s situation. Expensive cakes, by the way.”
“Not helping.” Sehun repeats as he grabs the entire box of cakes. “But I’m calling dibs on every one of those cakes.”
“Whatever makes you happy,” Baekhyun says as he ruffles Sehun’s hair. Tao leans closer to Kyungsoo with eager eyes and a wide smile.
“So tell me what happened?”
“Baekhyun told the entire story.”
“No, he did not,” Tao rebutts, “because that’s not what I heard on the phone and I see red spots on your neck?”
“Ah, right. Yesterday. Thanks for reminding me,” Kyungsoo says with a pleasant smile on his lips. Tao clasps his hands together excitedly. Kyungsoo’s smile falls as he lunges forward, headlocking Tao in a deadly chokehold. Baekhyun shrieks loudly as he pages Joonmyeon for damage control.
(Of course, Joonmyeon ignores it.)