For Here or To Go?
ʚ Title: For Here or To Go? for sunnyjjang ♡
ʚ Pairing(s): Baekhyun/Kyungsoo, slight!Chanyeol/Kai
ʚ Rating: PG-13
ʚ Word count: 6308 words
ʚ Summary: Kyungsoo is a barista and Byun Baekhyun is Korea's Rookie Singer who always orders coffee not on the menu. Kyungsoo may or may not have a crush on Baekhyun.
ʚ Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: I hope you like it! :D I tried not to add angst, I really did. It was sort of hard since I'm pretty used to writing it. :))
It's around 7AM when I start my shift at my uncle's cafe. He's had this cafe ever since I was young and I've been practically raised in this cafe. There were around 6 employees, includig me, there was Joonmi-unnie, my sunbae in glee club when I was in high school; Chanyeol-oppa and Jongdae-oppa, who're in the same department as me; Jongin, Joonmi-unnie's cousin; and Minseok-oppa, also Joonmi-unnie's cousin and my uncle's apprentice.
The cafe was still a bit empty save for a few students who spent the night here apparently cramming for their midterm exams. I remember doing the exact same thing when I was in high school. I'd stay in the booth in the corner for the whole week of finals and my uncle would just keep refilling my cup of coffee until I ended up passing out from the lack of sleep.
I look down and fix the ribbon of my apron since it was a bit off center, and even if Jongdae-oppa says it isn't and that it wouldn't matter, it's off center, like how he sometimes goes sharp when he sings. I busy myself with straightening out the pleates of my skirt when the bell rings as the front door opens.
"Good morning, sir!" I say to the man in a gray coat that just walked through the door. He wore black sunglasses and a face mask, and carefully strode over to the counter. He looked me straight in the eye and i tried not to look away or blush. I've never really been good at talking to people and that's why my uncle decided to put me at the register to practice my people skills as he would say.
The man peeks at me through his shades and smirks as he notices the blush creeping to my cheeks. I look down and play with the cuffs of my white blouse. "Ummm. What would you like to order, sir?" I look up at him again and see that he's still staring at me. I try to keep eye contact but I end up staring at his forehead.
"Hmmm. Let's see. One Mint Chocolate Frappuccino. Non-fat milk. Extra whipped cream. Caramel sauce. Cinammon powder. And double-shot expresso." I look up at him again, eyes wide. I wasn't really sure if his order would taste good. It was something I had never tried or would dare try.
I snap out of my reverie and realize that I had forgotten to write down his order. "Pardon? Could you repeat that again?" I take out the notepad from the pocket of my apron and reach for the pen tucked behind my ear. He beats me to it and takes the pad from my hands. He writes down in his order on the pad and drops them on the counter.
"There. Do listen, properly.." He removes his sunglasses and I can see his black orbs, they seemed so empty. So lonely. "...Do Kyungsoo-sshi." He takes out a few bills, puts his sunglasses back on and leaves them with the notepad. "Keep the change." I stare at him as he walks towards the empty booth in the corner of the cafe. He sits down and turns his head to look at me. I immediately grab the notepad and turn around to start working on his order.
It's not my fault I was a bit taken aback. Not a lot of people order things that aren't on the menu. And besides who wears sunglasses in a dimly lit cafe? I mean, geez... I finish making his drink and then I clip my ballpen onto the neck of my apron. Wait. How did he even know my name? We don't really wear name tags here... I turn around to find him standing in front of the counter.
"O-one Mocha Frappuccino with non-fat milk, extra whipped cream, caramel sauce, cinammon powder and double-shot expresso. For Sir..." I hold out the cup and look at him. Smile. Smile. Rule No. 1 Always smile..
"Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun." He takes the cup from my hands and takes a tentative sip. He looks back down at the cup and then turns to look at me again. "Not bad. Not bad at all, Do Kyungsoo-sshi." He turns to the door and leaves. My eyes trained on him. He stops in front of the entrance and look up at the cafe's banner then continues to walk to the corner of the street. He stops outside by the booth he was waiting in and turns to look straight back at me. He points to a piece of paper on the table then at me. Smiling as he rounds the corner, out of my field of vision.
I walk to the booth and grab the piece of paper. As I raise it to take a good look at it. Something falls to the ground. "Kyungsoo you dropped something." Joonmi-unnie, one of the older employees, says to me. I kneel and look at the object that had fallen. It was a gold ring with an insignia that sort of looked like a sun and his initials written inside. B. B.
"Whatcha holding there Kyungsoo?" Jongdae-oppa pipes up behind me. I yelp anf immediately stand up, shaking my head as I shove the ring into the pocket of my apron but I dropped the small piece of paper on the floor. I curse under my breath as Jongdae-oppa picks up the piece of paper. "010-xxxx-xxxx. B. B." He smirks as he reads the contents of the paper. "Hey guys! A customer just hit on Kyungsoo! He even left her his number!" Sometimes I wish and sometimes I plot on how I kill Jongdae-oppa. Just sometimes. But then again. How often is sometimes?
"N-no!" I try to take the piece of paper back, standing on the tip of my toes. Having a hard time doing so due to the undeniable fact that I was too short. I never grew taller after my first year in high school. It's a fact that I have come to accept after not growing an inch even after drinking a carton of milk a day for two whole months.
Chanyeol-oppa comes out of the kitchen and easily grabs the piece of paper. I pout at him and ask him to give it to me. Chanyeol-oppa has always been easier to persuade with my pouting than Jongdae-oppa. He sighs and gives it to me as Jongdae-oppa hits him for giving it to me. "What if that B. B. guy is a pervert or something? Or if he's a pedophile and thinks that Kyungsoo's still in elementary?"
"Yah! I'm not that short!" they both quiet down and stare at me. They exchange looks and then start laughing. "Hey! Stop laughing!" I pout and turn to Joonmi-unnie. "Unnie! they're laughing at me!" Joonmi-unnie glares at the two and tells them to get back to work. I stash the paper in the pocket of my apron with the ring. I get behind the counter again and wait for the next customer.
I reach into my pocket and feel for the ring and paper. I didn't really see him write this. and I don't really think he brought anything with him. Where'd he get the paper and pen to write this? Or does he keep copies of this in his pockets? I don't really think I should call him... He might really be a perv. But then again the ring looks expensive and he may have not meant to leave it with the piece of paper.. What do I do?
During my lunch break, I head up to my room. Me and my uncle live just above the cafe. My room is quite bare save for the paintings I made that I hung on the wall. I sit on my bed and take out the ring and the paper from my pocket.
"Do I call him? He doesn't really seem pervy... I mean he did forget his ring and it might be very important and uncle did teach me to return things people might've lost or dropped.." I sigh and take out my phone and punch in his number.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
"Hello?"
"Ummm... Yes! Hello! ummm..." Why am I so nervous? I calm myself down for a bit. I've never been good at talking with people I barely know and the fact that I was even calling him made it worse.
"I'm hanging up."
"Wait! Sorry. Ummm... Is this Byun Baekhyun-sshi?"
"Yeah. Who is this?"
"I-I'm Do Kyungsoo..."
"Oh. Do Kyungsoo-sshi. How can I help you?"
"Ummm.... You see, I think you dropped your ring this morning. It's a gold ring with an insignia that looks like a sun and it has your initials written inside it."
"Wait a minute." I hear rustling on the other line and what sounds like a piano and a guitar playing in the background. "Oh, you're right. I didn't notice that I wasn't wearing it anymore."
"You can come pick it up at the cafe... My shift ends at 5PM so you can pick it up before that."
"Sorry. I can't come before that. I get off work at 9PM. Can I just meet you somewhere else at that time?"
"Uh. Sure..?"
"Great. I'll see you later Do Kyungsoo-sshi. I'll text you later about the details. /Baekhyun! We're resuming the shoot!/ Sorry. I have to go. It was nice talking to you, Do Kyungsoo-sshi."
He ends the call immediately. I look at the calendar on my desk. We have a live performance in two days. Might as well practice until 9PM with Chanyeol-oppa for it. I start humming the tune I heard while talking to Baekhyun-sshi. Why does it sound so familiar... I hear Minseok-oppa call me and I head back down and eat lunch with the others in the employee lounge.
At around 8:30PM Chanyeol-oppa and I start setting up on the mini stage in the corner of the cafe, uncle always liked having a bustling cafe and since it might get a bit dull in the night he decided to have a mini stage for people who liked performing. People used to do read poetry, perform songs, dance and sometimes mini plays. This was where I first sang. This was where I found my love of singing. And this was where my heart broke for the first time.
As weird as it seems, I used to have a huge crush on Chanyeol-oppa. He was the one who helped me realize my love of singing. Though I was too late. On the day of our high school graduation, we got back to the cafe and prepared for our celebratory dinner. Oppa had wanted to perform a song then, it was a cheesy love song. I had decided that after we performed I would finally confess to him. But when the song ended, he held the mic in his hands and said "Kim Jongin! Since our high school life has ended and I might not see you again... I just wanted to say that... I LIKE YOU! I always have, ever since you accidentaly kicked me in the crotch when we dancing during Phys. Ed. class in our freshman year. I really like you." Oppa had gotten off of the stage and approached Jongin. He took her hands into his and smiled at her lovingly. Jongin had blushed furiously but courageously leaned into him and kissed him square on the lips. And that was where my one-sided love ended.
As we setup the stage, I see him enter the cafe. My eyes follow his figure as he takes a seat in the same booth as this morning. He sits on the side facing the stage and he stares back at me. A smirk graces his lips as he waves at me. I return the gesture. I notice Chanyeol-oppa looking at me and looking at the crowd looking for the person I was waving at. I look at oppa and tell him that a friend of mine had passed by outside the cafe and waved at me. He just shrugs it off for now and the look on his face says he'll ask me about it later since most, if not all, of my friends are also his friends. And the main reason on how I became friends with them was because I always hung out with Chanyeol-oppa, be it in a meeting of the music club or the student council, even though I was actually part of it.
I sit down on the stool placed on stage and pull the mic towards me. I breathe in. Chanyeol-oppa begins to strum his guitar. I breathe out. And slowly we begin. I feel his gaze on me and when I look at him, everything seemed to stop. Like everything around me didn't matter. It was only the two of us there. It felt as if my voice got stronger as I continued to look at him. It was as if I wanted to convey the song to him, to let him hear me. It felt weird, feeling this way towards a total stranger. But, even so, it felt right.
As we finish our performance, I get off the stage as soon as we said our thanks. I can still feel my heart beat erratically in my chest and it seemed to beat even faster as I walked towards him, our eyes locked onto each other. I notice the way his hair is a bit messy and it makes me want to run my fingers through his hair, to comb out the tangles or maybe... I shake myself out of my reverie as I slide into the seat opposite of him. I reach into my pocket and pull out his ring and place it in front of him.
"H-Here. You're ring." Before I retract my hand, he covers my hand with his. I look up at him and he smiles at me. He smiled and it feels like my chest is about to burst. I try to pull away but when I do he fully holds my hand in his. I feel my face turn red and I turned to look at the tissue dispenser like it was the most interesting thing to look at. I notice how the tissue is sticking out weirdly and I have the sudden urge to pull it out. It's really hard being a perfectionist.
"You have an amazing voice. You've improved." He lets go of my hand and holds the ring in his hands. What? Improved? Have we met before? I look back at him, mouth slightly agape and he chuckles and answers the questions going through my head. "You really don't know who I am, do you?" I look back at the tissue dispenser, seriously they're very interesting right now. "Hmmmm. How about this, if you guess who I am, without asking anybody about me, I'll give you 3 wishes. And if you don't, you'll do the same. Deal?"
I've never really made deals with people I didn't realy know, but if it meant being able to see him again... "Ok... But it's kind of unfair. You need to give me hints!" He nods and stands up and walks towards Minseok-oppa. He whispers something to him which oppa nods to. He heads to the stage and sits in front of the piano and then he began to play. It was the same tune that had played when I had called him earlier. Why does this song seem so familiar. He looks at me as he plays and then begins to sing. To me.
I hear several girls who were near the stage scream OH MY GOSH! IT'S... IT'S BAEKHYUN-OPPA! OPPA! Who is this guy?
I keep my gaze on him as his voice surrounds me. When the song ends, I open my eyes and see him surrounded by the girls who were screaming a while ago. Clinging to him more than before as Chanyeol-oppa pulls him towards the back room. Once they disappear and the girls leave, I follow them to the back.
"That song..." I start as soon as I enter the room. He's sitting with Chanyeol-oppa on the couch while Joonmi-unnie sat opposite them, clutching onto what seems like an album and a marker. "I- I know that song..." He looks at me with a smirk playing on his lips. Joonmi-unnie stands up and ushers Chanyeol-oppa out, back into the cafe.
"Of course you do. It's my song." I glare at him a bit and he begins to laugh. "I'm kidding. The reason why you know this song is because you sang the guide song for it. Anyways. Do you know who I am now?"
"You're Byun Baekhyun. You're a singer."
"Well that's pretty obvious. Isn't it? How about this, if you answer my question correctly you win, ok? So, what's the name of my debut song? You only get one try, though."
"H- How am I supposed to know that?"
"You know it. I pretty much already said why you should know the song." He smiles at me but there's a hint of anxiousness behind it.
"Uhhh... Moonlight?" He sighs and crosses his fingers, showing an X mark.
"You lose, Do Kyungsoo-shi. I guess that means you owe me three wishes." His phone rings and he fishes it out of his pocket and then shoves it back in. "Well I've got to go. I'll tell you what my first wish is next time I see you." He beams at me and my hearts beating fast again. Stop smiling at me like that, my heart can't take it anymore.
As Chanyeol-oppa leads him out through the back door, Joonmi-unnie walks back in and gives me a questioning look. "You must really like him, Kyungsoo-yah." I look at her and start waving my hands. I deny it with all my might but she stops me again. "But you do. You never agree to bets like that, not even ones you're sure you'll win. Like that one time Jongdae made a bet about how many cups Chanyeol was gonna drop when he found out that Jongin started working here and wore that maid outfit. You didn't even join that one even though you said zero and made sure he didn't drop a thing. And besides, you know his debut song, My Turn To Cry, by heart. You said it yourself that it was your favorite amongst the ones whose guide song you sang." I look back down and I'm sure Joonmi-unnie notices the blush that's spreading on my cheeks. I did know the song. but I thought that if I had gotten it right I would've just told him to leave. I hear Joonmi-unnie laugh and I look back at her and see her halfway through the door. "You're ears are red, Kyungsoo." She chuckles again and I feel myself getting redder. "You're so cute." And then she leaves me alone in the back room, my defenses down and Byun Baekhyun's smile in my mind.
It's been three days and somehow I'm excitedly waiting for him to come. I'm sort of happy that I get to see him again and, well, maybe see him smile at me again but then I'm more terrified about what he might make me do. Fear creeps up my spin everytime the bell rings and I've barely gotten any sleep at all. It's two in the afternoon and there aren't a lot of people in the cafe, maybe a few college students doing some late cramming and a few office workers on a coffee break. I stare outside the cafe and at the corner of my eye I notice the same head of hair that i had been wanting to comb my hand through. I consider running to hide in my room or face him. The former seemed better but Joonmi-unnie and I were the only ones here since Chanyeol-oppa and Jongin went on a date since it was their anniversary, Jondae-oppa's is on sick leave while Minseok-oppa shift starts in about 30 minutes. I duck behind the counter when he turns to look my way. Joonmi-unnie stares at me but then glances outside and smiles as she rushes back into the kitchen.
The bell chimes and I hear his footsteps as he approaches the counter. "Was there an earthquake drill conducted here?" I look up at him and he's wearing a smirk on his face. I awkwardly stand up and straighten my skirt. "Yo." I laugh which comes out a bit forced. I greet him with the usual greeting and ask him his order. "Well. I'll have my first wish." Smiling at me brightly. "And it'll be... You'll be my girlfriend for a week." He says as-a-matter-of-factly. I gape at him like a fish. "Come on, it's not really torture. I mean, you'll be dating one of the most anticipated up and coming singers, Byun Baekhyun. It's like I'm actually granting your wish." I clench and unclench my fist, deciding whether or not I should just punch the cockiness out of him but then his face might get messed up but then he's a singer because he's good at singer rather than being handsome so it might not matter.
"You can't back down, Kyungsoo. A deal's a deal. And you should go out more. I called Minseok and he's on his way here, so go." Joonmi-unnie pipes up from the small window to the kitchen. "Look there he is right now." I turn around and see Minseok-oppa running towards the cafe and wish he didn't come so early so that he didn't have to leave. I turn back to unnie and pout at her, showing her my best puppy-dog face so that she doesn't let me go but she just smiles at me then turns to Byun Baekhyun. "You guys should go on a date today, I have 2 free movie tickets, they're about to expire so why don't you two use them. She walks out of the kitchen and hands them to him ushers us out. "Bye! See you later, Kyungsoo!"
I try to turn around but he suddenly links our hands and drags me to the movie theaters. It was going to be a long week, I could feel it. I can see him smile a bit and then my heart begins to race again. "Soo." He turns to look at me and smiles wider. "I'll call you Soo and you can call me Baekhyun or Baek." He opens his eyes and he must've noticed the blush I was sporting because he suddenly turns away from me and blushes a bit. "I mean, since we're dating we shouldn't call each other by our full names. If you don't agree then fine, that's my second wish!" I laugh and nod my head, hiding by smile with the back of my hand.
"Baek." I say quietly. He stops walking and looks at me again. "Baek." I say a bit louder. And he beams at me and I return the gesture. It feels like I'm going to melt, like I might end up falling for him.
"Soo." And maybe, just maybe, I just did.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, going on dates with Baekhyun. Underneath the cockiness and the flirtatious personality, he's actually a pretty decent person. Everytime he'd come to the cafe to pick me up. I'd feel a bit of hope. Just a bit.
"Welcome! What would you like to order sir?" I smile at him as he looks up at the menu hanging overhead.
"Hmmm. I'll have..." He leans down on the counter and smiles at me. And It feels like my heart is stuck in my throat. "I'll have you and we're going to the amusement park!" He'd grab my hand and drag me out of the cafe and Joonmi-unnie would immediately take my place, as if it had become a norm at the cafe for Baekhyun to come and drag me out.
We had gone on a picnic the next day which turned out to be somewhat of a failure since it began to rain when we got to the park. And well we spent our time there chasing each other in the rain and then immediately heading to my apartment to get out of our wet clothing. I ended up cooking for him and spent the night cuddled up on the couch watching movies until we fell asleep. It felt too real. Like we really were together and it just scared me even more because it meant I was falling even deeper. It meant putting myself out there. It meant being vulnerable. And as the week approaches its end, I had to prepare myself, whether or not I get this off my chest or just let it end. With him being a famous singer, I wasn't sure if I could take on that burden. I've seen it on the news how some fans would bash the girlfriend of their idols. And that scared me, but losing him would be worse.
It feels hard to understand what I like about him exactly since we seemed like two completely different people. He was a social butterfly while I tend to shy away from people; he was loud and boisterous while I was usually quiet and reserved; he liked to dive into things he hasn't tried before while I like to be cautious. We were so different but I guess, well I hope, that maybe that was why we worked well together. We fit together. What he couldn't do, I could. What he didn't like, I liked. And it seemed exciting, learning how to like things that I didn't before and in the end, genuinely liking them. It was like I was living until now only knowing what the world had to offer through my eyes and now seeing it in his, everything's changed. And I quite liked the change. And it made what would happen worth it.
He was worth it.
It was the last day today. The last day that we would be dating. He came at around eight in the evening and dragged me to the Han River. We sat in silence and all I could hear was the beating of my heart. Tonight might be the last time I'll see him. Tonight was the night I had to decide whether to tell him how I felt or say Goodbye. Once I looked at him and he smiled at me, I felt braver. Looks like I'll be doing the former tonight. I returned the smile and everything seemed to fall into place. We fell back into our old pace and began talking animatedly as today wasn't the end. I really hoped it wasn't.
"It's kind of random but. You know from all the stories I read about and see on the news about how you guys date... Idols, I mean. It just kind of reminds me of ordering coffee.." I look away from Baekhyun, a blush creeping to my cheeks and start playing with my fingers, rubbing them together to generate heat. It was a stupid move to not wear a thicker sweater in autumn. I look back at him as he stare up at the stars; his eyebrows scrunched up and his lips in a pout as he tries to understand what I had just said. Oh my gosh... He must think I'm weird... Oh no..
"What? That's kind of a weird analogy..."
"I- I mean it's like your relationship... It's the coffee you order. It's something you like, something you ordered yourself, something based on your preferences. A- and when you order the coffee for here it's like you want the relationship to stay in a comfortable bubble, being the cafe..." I look back at him and he smile at me softly and I take it as a sign to continue. "The environment is quiet and people don't really bother you there. It'd seem like people outside wouldn't really know whether or not you ordered or what kind of coffee you like. But when you order to go it's like you're willing to go out of that comfortable bubble, risk bumping into people as you walk to wherever you're headed. You're willing to show people that you did actually order coffee... I know it doesn't really make sense but-" Ugh... I'm babbling. Why am I so nervous??
"I get it. Hahaha. I get it. I really do. I think it applies to all relationships, though..." He drapes his arm around my shoulder, squeezing it gently to reassure me. "If you were to choose... for here or to go?"
"Hmmm... to go..?" I lean into him, searching for his warmth.
"You're not sure?"
"to go, because if I think of how the other person would feel if I chose for here based on my analogy... It must be pretty sad to just be the safe zone of the other person. The other person would just go to me for comfort but wouldn't want to face the hardships together. I mean it's through that do relationships grow stronger. It's through facing obstacles do we find out who we truly are and who truly cares for us and the other way around. Does that make sense..?" I feel his gaze on me and I turn my head towards him. I can feel his breath on my lips. And we're so close. I don't know whether I should close my eyes or not. I've never been this close to anyone. It feels like my heart is about to beat right out of my chest. My eyes travel from his jet-black eyes, his nose and finally down to his lips. I can't say that I've never really thought of kissing those lips but now that they're so close, I don't know what to do.
"Yeah... It does... Can I use my last wish. Can I kiss you?" I nodded slowly, looking him in the eye and I waited for him to lean in, and he did, closing the gap between our lips. I close my eyes and cling to his sweater, feeling my fingers tremble against it. And I feel his warmth as he wraps his arms around me. It was my first kiss. He was my first kiss.
"I like you." I still feel his breathe on my lips. I open my eyes and he's staring back at me. And for a moment everything stops. It feels like my heart is about to explode and the words are stuck on the tip of my tongue as I try to stop myself from saying it again. But when I look into his eyes, when I feel his heart beat and when I still taste the coffee he ordered on my lips, I can't help it. He needs to know. I need him to know. "I like you." I say it again, slowly faltering to a whisper. And somehow the courage I had when I agreed to come tonight and the assurance I thought I had that he felt the same, I didn't have it anymore.
I can feel his arms loosen around me and the warmth disappears. He feels farther away now, more than when I still didn't know him. And then it hit me. Maybe all of this was just for the heck of it. I mean how could one of the best up and coming singers go out or even like a nobody like me. And that the whole deal was just a joke to him, a way to pass time. I mean, he could have any girl out there... why would he choose me? I stared down at my clenched hands, watching my knuckles turn white. And then the tears just started to fall. I tried and tried to convince myself that it wasn't because it hurt knowing that I might probably mean nothing to him, that I may be in love with him. How do you fall in love with a person you just met a week ago? But then again, how do you tell yourself that you're not in love with Byun Baekhyun?
"I'm sorry." And that's all it took for him to break my heart. I start wiping furiously at my eyes and stand up and walk back to the cafe. I hear him call out to me, and it hurts because just by calling my name, I fall for him all over again. I can still feel his presence behind me and it feels like the distance between us is getting bigger and bigger. And it makes me wish I had never fallen for him in the first place.
As we arrive at the cafe, I see his manager fiddling with his phone while waiting by his car. I go in without a word as I hear Baekhyun greet him. When I get in, I lean against the door, waiting until I hear the car speed off, putting more distance between us. I run up to my room and fall unto my bed. Maybe if I wished hard enough the bed would swallow all of my feelings for him, but it wouldn't. Then my phone goes off and all I hear is his voice, always his voice.
"Hey. I know you don't really want to talk to me right now... But I just wanted to tell you that... I like you. I really do. And the truth is I've liked you way before you even knew me. I've liked since the first time you made a guide song for us. I've liked you since the first time I heard you sing. And it sucked really, when you didn't know who I was but when you smiled at me the first time, it didn't matter anymore... As long as you smiled like that... As long as I was the reason for that smile. But I got scared because a friend of mine, he's a singer too, his fans found out he was dating someone and well, they ruined her. I don't want that to happen to you because if that happens to you... If that happens to you, you'll lose your smile and- and I don't want that to happen, ever."
The silence continues for a bit and something boils up inside of me. "Then don't you think what you did might just do what you didn't want to happen?" It made me mad to think that we could've been together, that it really did mean something to him, that this wasn't a game but he was scared of something he wasn't sure would happen.
"Because you can still find someone. Someone better than me. Someone-"
"But what if it's just you?! That I can't find someone else because it will always be you?! Don't you trust me enough to be able to take it, to still be by your side until the end. Do you think my feelings are that shallow?" I feel my tears streaming down my cheeks but I feel so tired of trying to keep wiping them away. I'm tired of trying to erase something that won't stop. "I'll be at cafe, all day tomorrow. If- if you want to try this, to sort out whatever this is... I'll be there because... I like you." I end the call and curl into myself, praying that maybe, maybe tonight I'll get some sleep for even just a bit.
It's three in the afternoon already, it's a bit of a slow day today and it makes me wonder if last night was just a dream, that he never really said he liked me. I stand behind the counter, staring at the door, still waiting. The clock continues ticking away and I keep glancing at it every few seconds, still waiting. Minseok-oppa sends me to the back room since apparently the blank face I had on would scare the customers off. I head to the couch and lie down, not forgetting to keep the door ajar. I listen to the clock ticking, the silence slowly consuming my thoughts. The bell at the entrance rings and I sit up peeking through the open door to see who it is. It was a man in his early 30s who might be looking for an afternoon caffeine fix. I lie back down cover my face with my hands as my tears begin to fall.
Then I hear it, his voice as he talks to Minseok-oppa. I bolt out of the back room and there he is, smilling as brightly as he usually does. "Oppa, I'll handle the counter. I'm fine now." I say to Minseok-oppa as I shove him into the back room. And I stand behind the counter again, like the first time we officially met. And it feels like everything's changed since then; the bags under his eyes are more prominent, he removed his sunglasses and I can see his eyes more clearly, I can see a glint of hope behind them and maybe even love. "Good afternoon, sir. What'd you like to order?"
"What would you recommend?" And he looks me in the eye and it's there again, the look in his eyes, the same one I saw last night. And I might just be falling even more.
"Me. I'd recommend me." I say regaining the courage I had because the call hadn't been a dream because he's here. He says ok and smiles at me, the same one I fell for. "For here or to go?" And maybe, just maybe, he'll believe in me this time. He smiles even more and I return the gesture as he reaches out to cup my cheeks and leans in to kiss me.
"To go."
ʚ Pairing(s): Baekhyun/Kyungsoo, slight!Chanyeol/Kai
ʚ Rating: PG-13
ʚ Word count: 6308 words
ʚ Summary: Kyungsoo is a barista and Byun Baekhyun is Korea's Rookie Singer who always orders coffee not on the menu. Kyungsoo may or may not have a crush on Baekhyun.
ʚ Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: I hope you like it! :D I tried not to add angst, I really did. It was sort of hard since I'm pretty used to writing it. :))
It's around 7AM when I start my shift at my uncle's cafe. He's had this cafe ever since I was young and I've been practically raised in this cafe. There were around 6 employees, includig me, there was Joonmi-unnie, my sunbae in glee club when I was in high school; Chanyeol-oppa and Jongdae-oppa, who're in the same department as me; Jongin, Joonmi-unnie's cousin; and Minseok-oppa, also Joonmi-unnie's cousin and my uncle's apprentice.
The cafe was still a bit empty save for a few students who spent the night here apparently cramming for their midterm exams. I remember doing the exact same thing when I was in high school. I'd stay in the booth in the corner for the whole week of finals and my uncle would just keep refilling my cup of coffee until I ended up passing out from the lack of sleep.
I look down and fix the ribbon of my apron since it was a bit off center, and even if Jongdae-oppa says it isn't and that it wouldn't matter, it's off center, like how he sometimes goes sharp when he sings. I busy myself with straightening out the pleates of my skirt when the bell rings as the front door opens.
"Good morning, sir!" I say to the man in a gray coat that just walked through the door. He wore black sunglasses and a face mask, and carefully strode over to the counter. He looked me straight in the eye and i tried not to look away or blush. I've never really been good at talking to people and that's why my uncle decided to put me at the register to practice my people skills as he would say.
The man peeks at me through his shades and smirks as he notices the blush creeping to my cheeks. I look down and play with the cuffs of my white blouse. "Ummm. What would you like to order, sir?" I look up at him again and see that he's still staring at me. I try to keep eye contact but I end up staring at his forehead.
"Hmmm. Let's see. One Mint Chocolate Frappuccino. Non-fat milk. Extra whipped cream. Caramel sauce. Cinammon powder. And double-shot expresso." I look up at him again, eyes wide. I wasn't really sure if his order would taste good. It was something I had never tried or would dare try.
I snap out of my reverie and realize that I had forgotten to write down his order. "Pardon? Could you repeat that again?" I take out the notepad from the pocket of my apron and reach for the pen tucked behind my ear. He beats me to it and takes the pad from my hands. He writes down in his order on the pad and drops them on the counter.
"There. Do listen, properly.." He removes his sunglasses and I can see his black orbs, they seemed so empty. So lonely. "...Do Kyungsoo-sshi." He takes out a few bills, puts his sunglasses back on and leaves them with the notepad. "Keep the change." I stare at him as he walks towards the empty booth in the corner of the cafe. He sits down and turns his head to look at me. I immediately grab the notepad and turn around to start working on his order.
It's not my fault I was a bit taken aback. Not a lot of people order things that aren't on the menu. And besides who wears sunglasses in a dimly lit cafe? I mean, geez... I finish making his drink and then I clip my ballpen onto the neck of my apron. Wait. How did he even know my name? We don't really wear name tags here... I turn around to find him standing in front of the counter.
"O-one Mocha Frappuccino with non-fat milk, extra whipped cream, caramel sauce, cinammon powder and double-shot expresso. For Sir..." I hold out the cup and look at him. Smile. Smile. Rule No. 1 Always smile..
"Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun." He takes the cup from my hands and takes a tentative sip. He looks back down at the cup and then turns to look at me again. "Not bad. Not bad at all, Do Kyungsoo-sshi." He turns to the door and leaves. My eyes trained on him. He stops in front of the entrance and look up at the cafe's banner then continues to walk to the corner of the street. He stops outside by the booth he was waiting in and turns to look straight back at me. He points to a piece of paper on the table then at me. Smiling as he rounds the corner, out of my field of vision.
I walk to the booth and grab the piece of paper. As I raise it to take a good look at it. Something falls to the ground. "Kyungsoo you dropped something." Joonmi-unnie, one of the older employees, says to me. I kneel and look at the object that had fallen. It was a gold ring with an insignia that sort of looked like a sun and his initials written inside. B. B.
"Whatcha holding there Kyungsoo?" Jongdae-oppa pipes up behind me. I yelp anf immediately stand up, shaking my head as I shove the ring into the pocket of my apron but I dropped the small piece of paper on the floor. I curse under my breath as Jongdae-oppa picks up the piece of paper. "010-xxxx-xxxx. B. B." He smirks as he reads the contents of the paper. "Hey guys! A customer just hit on Kyungsoo! He even left her his number!" Sometimes I wish and sometimes I plot on how I kill Jongdae-oppa. Just sometimes. But then again. How often is sometimes?
"N-no!" I try to take the piece of paper back, standing on the tip of my toes. Having a hard time doing so due to the undeniable fact that I was too short. I never grew taller after my first year in high school. It's a fact that I have come to accept after not growing an inch even after drinking a carton of milk a day for two whole months.
Chanyeol-oppa comes out of the kitchen and easily grabs the piece of paper. I pout at him and ask him to give it to me. Chanyeol-oppa has always been easier to persuade with my pouting than Jongdae-oppa. He sighs and gives it to me as Jongdae-oppa hits him for giving it to me. "What if that B. B. guy is a pervert or something? Or if he's a pedophile and thinks that Kyungsoo's still in elementary?"
"Yah! I'm not that short!" they both quiet down and stare at me. They exchange looks and then start laughing. "Hey! Stop laughing!" I pout and turn to Joonmi-unnie. "Unnie! they're laughing at me!" Joonmi-unnie glares at the two and tells them to get back to work. I stash the paper in the pocket of my apron with the ring. I get behind the counter again and wait for the next customer.
I reach into my pocket and feel for the ring and paper. I didn't really see him write this. and I don't really think he brought anything with him. Where'd he get the paper and pen to write this? Or does he keep copies of this in his pockets? I don't really think I should call him... He might really be a perv. But then again the ring looks expensive and he may have not meant to leave it with the piece of paper.. What do I do?
During my lunch break, I head up to my room. Me and my uncle live just above the cafe. My room is quite bare save for the paintings I made that I hung on the wall. I sit on my bed and take out the ring and the paper from my pocket.
"Do I call him? He doesn't really seem pervy... I mean he did forget his ring and it might be very important and uncle did teach me to return things people might've lost or dropped.." I sigh and take out my phone and punch in his number.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
"Hello?"
"Ummm... Yes! Hello! ummm..." Why am I so nervous? I calm myself down for a bit. I've never been good at talking with people I barely know and the fact that I was even calling him made it worse.
"I'm hanging up."
"Wait! Sorry. Ummm... Is this Byun Baekhyun-sshi?"
"Yeah. Who is this?"
"I-I'm Do Kyungsoo..."
"Oh. Do Kyungsoo-sshi. How can I help you?"
"Ummm.... You see, I think you dropped your ring this morning. It's a gold ring with an insignia that looks like a sun and it has your initials written inside it."
"Wait a minute." I hear rustling on the other line and what sounds like a piano and a guitar playing in the background. "Oh, you're right. I didn't notice that I wasn't wearing it anymore."
"You can come pick it up at the cafe... My shift ends at 5PM so you can pick it up before that."
"Sorry. I can't come before that. I get off work at 9PM. Can I just meet you somewhere else at that time?"
"Uh. Sure..?"
"Great. I'll see you later Do Kyungsoo-sshi. I'll text you later about the details. /Baekhyun! We're resuming the shoot!/ Sorry. I have to go. It was nice talking to you, Do Kyungsoo-sshi."
He ends the call immediately. I look at the calendar on my desk. We have a live performance in two days. Might as well practice until 9PM with Chanyeol-oppa for it. I start humming the tune I heard while talking to Baekhyun-sshi. Why does it sound so familiar... I hear Minseok-oppa call me and I head back down and eat lunch with the others in the employee lounge.
At around 8:30PM Chanyeol-oppa and I start setting up on the mini stage in the corner of the cafe, uncle always liked having a bustling cafe and since it might get a bit dull in the night he decided to have a mini stage for people who liked performing. People used to do read poetry, perform songs, dance and sometimes mini plays. This was where I first sang. This was where I found my love of singing. And this was where my heart broke for the first time.
As weird as it seems, I used to have a huge crush on Chanyeol-oppa. He was the one who helped me realize my love of singing. Though I was too late. On the day of our high school graduation, we got back to the cafe and prepared for our celebratory dinner. Oppa had wanted to perform a song then, it was a cheesy love song. I had decided that after we performed I would finally confess to him. But when the song ended, he held the mic in his hands and said "Kim Jongin! Since our high school life has ended and I might not see you again... I just wanted to say that... I LIKE YOU! I always have, ever since you accidentaly kicked me in the crotch when we dancing during Phys. Ed. class in our freshman year. I really like you." Oppa had gotten off of the stage and approached Jongin. He took her hands into his and smiled at her lovingly. Jongin had blushed furiously but courageously leaned into him and kissed him square on the lips. And that was where my one-sided love ended.
As we setup the stage, I see him enter the cafe. My eyes follow his figure as he takes a seat in the same booth as this morning. He sits on the side facing the stage and he stares back at me. A smirk graces his lips as he waves at me. I return the gesture. I notice Chanyeol-oppa looking at me and looking at the crowd looking for the person I was waving at. I look at oppa and tell him that a friend of mine had passed by outside the cafe and waved at me. He just shrugs it off for now and the look on his face says he'll ask me about it later since most, if not all, of my friends are also his friends. And the main reason on how I became friends with them was because I always hung out with Chanyeol-oppa, be it in a meeting of the music club or the student council, even though I was actually part of it.
I sit down on the stool placed on stage and pull the mic towards me. I breathe in. Chanyeol-oppa begins to strum his guitar. I breathe out. And slowly we begin. I feel his gaze on me and when I look at him, everything seemed to stop. Like everything around me didn't matter. It was only the two of us there. It felt as if my voice got stronger as I continued to look at him. It was as if I wanted to convey the song to him, to let him hear me. It felt weird, feeling this way towards a total stranger. But, even so, it felt right.
As we finish our performance, I get off the stage as soon as we said our thanks. I can still feel my heart beat erratically in my chest and it seemed to beat even faster as I walked towards him, our eyes locked onto each other. I notice the way his hair is a bit messy and it makes me want to run my fingers through his hair, to comb out the tangles or maybe... I shake myself out of my reverie as I slide into the seat opposite of him. I reach into my pocket and pull out his ring and place it in front of him.
"H-Here. You're ring." Before I retract my hand, he covers my hand with his. I look up at him and he smiles at me. He smiled and it feels like my chest is about to burst. I try to pull away but when I do he fully holds my hand in his. I feel my face turn red and I turned to look at the tissue dispenser like it was the most interesting thing to look at. I notice how the tissue is sticking out weirdly and I have the sudden urge to pull it out. It's really hard being a perfectionist.
"You have an amazing voice. You've improved." He lets go of my hand and holds the ring in his hands. What? Improved? Have we met before? I look back at him, mouth slightly agape and he chuckles and answers the questions going through my head. "You really don't know who I am, do you?" I look back at the tissue dispenser, seriously they're very interesting right now. "Hmmmm. How about this, if you guess who I am, without asking anybody about me, I'll give you 3 wishes. And if you don't, you'll do the same. Deal?"
I've never really made deals with people I didn't realy know, but if it meant being able to see him again... "Ok... But it's kind of unfair. You need to give me hints!" He nods and stands up and walks towards Minseok-oppa. He whispers something to him which oppa nods to. He heads to the stage and sits in front of the piano and then he began to play. It was the same tune that had played when I had called him earlier. Why does this song seem so familiar. He looks at me as he plays and then begins to sing. To me.
I hear several girls who were near the stage scream OH MY GOSH! IT'S... IT'S BAEKHYUN-OPPA! OPPA! Who is this guy?
I keep my gaze on him as his voice surrounds me. When the song ends, I open my eyes and see him surrounded by the girls who were screaming a while ago. Clinging to him more than before as Chanyeol-oppa pulls him towards the back room. Once they disappear and the girls leave, I follow them to the back.
"That song..." I start as soon as I enter the room. He's sitting with Chanyeol-oppa on the couch while Joonmi-unnie sat opposite them, clutching onto what seems like an album and a marker. "I- I know that song..." He looks at me with a smirk playing on his lips. Joonmi-unnie stands up and ushers Chanyeol-oppa out, back into the cafe.
"Of course you do. It's my song." I glare at him a bit and he begins to laugh. "I'm kidding. The reason why you know this song is because you sang the guide song for it. Anyways. Do you know who I am now?"
"You're Byun Baekhyun. You're a singer."
"Well that's pretty obvious. Isn't it? How about this, if you answer my question correctly you win, ok? So, what's the name of my debut song? You only get one try, though."
"H- How am I supposed to know that?"
"You know it. I pretty much already said why you should know the song." He smiles at me but there's a hint of anxiousness behind it.
"Uhhh... Moonlight?" He sighs and crosses his fingers, showing an X mark.
"You lose, Do Kyungsoo-shi. I guess that means you owe me three wishes." His phone rings and he fishes it out of his pocket and then shoves it back in. "Well I've got to go. I'll tell you what my first wish is next time I see you." He beams at me and my hearts beating fast again. Stop smiling at me like that, my heart can't take it anymore.
As Chanyeol-oppa leads him out through the back door, Joonmi-unnie walks back in and gives me a questioning look. "You must really like him, Kyungsoo-yah." I look at her and start waving my hands. I deny it with all my might but she stops me again. "But you do. You never agree to bets like that, not even ones you're sure you'll win. Like that one time Jongdae made a bet about how many cups Chanyeol was gonna drop when he found out that Jongin started working here and wore that maid outfit. You didn't even join that one even though you said zero and made sure he didn't drop a thing. And besides, you know his debut song, My Turn To Cry, by heart. You said it yourself that it was your favorite amongst the ones whose guide song you sang." I look back down and I'm sure Joonmi-unnie notices the blush that's spreading on my cheeks. I did know the song. but I thought that if I had gotten it right I would've just told him to leave. I hear Joonmi-unnie laugh and I look back at her and see her halfway through the door. "You're ears are red, Kyungsoo." She chuckles again and I feel myself getting redder. "You're so cute." And then she leaves me alone in the back room, my defenses down and Byun Baekhyun's smile in my mind.
It's been three days and somehow I'm excitedly waiting for him to come. I'm sort of happy that I get to see him again and, well, maybe see him smile at me again but then I'm more terrified about what he might make me do. Fear creeps up my spin everytime the bell rings and I've barely gotten any sleep at all. It's two in the afternoon and there aren't a lot of people in the cafe, maybe a few college students doing some late cramming and a few office workers on a coffee break. I stare outside the cafe and at the corner of my eye I notice the same head of hair that i had been wanting to comb my hand through. I consider running to hide in my room or face him. The former seemed better but Joonmi-unnie and I were the only ones here since Chanyeol-oppa and Jongin went on a date since it was their anniversary, Jondae-oppa's is on sick leave while Minseok-oppa shift starts in about 30 minutes. I duck behind the counter when he turns to look my way. Joonmi-unnie stares at me but then glances outside and smiles as she rushes back into the kitchen.
The bell chimes and I hear his footsteps as he approaches the counter. "Was there an earthquake drill conducted here?" I look up at him and he's wearing a smirk on his face. I awkwardly stand up and straighten my skirt. "Yo." I laugh which comes out a bit forced. I greet him with the usual greeting and ask him his order. "Well. I'll have my first wish." Smiling at me brightly. "And it'll be... You'll be my girlfriend for a week." He says as-a-matter-of-factly. I gape at him like a fish. "Come on, it's not really torture. I mean, you'll be dating one of the most anticipated up and coming singers, Byun Baekhyun. It's like I'm actually granting your wish." I clench and unclench my fist, deciding whether or not I should just punch the cockiness out of him but then his face might get messed up but then he's a singer because he's good at singer rather than being handsome so it might not matter.
"You can't back down, Kyungsoo. A deal's a deal. And you should go out more. I called Minseok and he's on his way here, so go." Joonmi-unnie pipes up from the small window to the kitchen. "Look there he is right now." I turn around and see Minseok-oppa running towards the cafe and wish he didn't come so early so that he didn't have to leave. I turn back to unnie and pout at her, showing her my best puppy-dog face so that she doesn't let me go but she just smiles at me then turns to Byun Baekhyun. "You guys should go on a date today, I have 2 free movie tickets, they're about to expire so why don't you two use them. She walks out of the kitchen and hands them to him ushers us out. "Bye! See you later, Kyungsoo!"
I try to turn around but he suddenly links our hands and drags me to the movie theaters. It was going to be a long week, I could feel it. I can see him smile a bit and then my heart begins to race again. "Soo." He turns to look at me and smiles wider. "I'll call you Soo and you can call me Baekhyun or Baek." He opens his eyes and he must've noticed the blush I was sporting because he suddenly turns away from me and blushes a bit. "I mean, since we're dating we shouldn't call each other by our full names. If you don't agree then fine, that's my second wish!" I laugh and nod my head, hiding by smile with the back of my hand.
"Baek." I say quietly. He stops walking and looks at me again. "Baek." I say a bit louder. And he beams at me and I return the gesture. It feels like I'm going to melt, like I might end up falling for him.
"Soo." And maybe, just maybe, I just did.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, going on dates with Baekhyun. Underneath the cockiness and the flirtatious personality, he's actually a pretty decent person. Everytime he'd come to the cafe to pick me up. I'd feel a bit of hope. Just a bit.
"Welcome! What would you like to order sir?" I smile at him as he looks up at the menu hanging overhead.
"Hmmm. I'll have..." He leans down on the counter and smiles at me. And It feels like my heart is stuck in my throat. "I'll have you and we're going to the amusement park!" He'd grab my hand and drag me out of the cafe and Joonmi-unnie would immediately take my place, as if it had become a norm at the cafe for Baekhyun to come and drag me out.
We had gone on a picnic the next day which turned out to be somewhat of a failure since it began to rain when we got to the park. And well we spent our time there chasing each other in the rain and then immediately heading to my apartment to get out of our wet clothing. I ended up cooking for him and spent the night cuddled up on the couch watching movies until we fell asleep. It felt too real. Like we really were together and it just scared me even more because it meant I was falling even deeper. It meant putting myself out there. It meant being vulnerable. And as the week approaches its end, I had to prepare myself, whether or not I get this off my chest or just let it end. With him being a famous singer, I wasn't sure if I could take on that burden. I've seen it on the news how some fans would bash the girlfriend of their idols. And that scared me, but losing him would be worse.
It feels hard to understand what I like about him exactly since we seemed like two completely different people. He was a social butterfly while I tend to shy away from people; he was loud and boisterous while I was usually quiet and reserved; he liked to dive into things he hasn't tried before while I like to be cautious. We were so different but I guess, well I hope, that maybe that was why we worked well together. We fit together. What he couldn't do, I could. What he didn't like, I liked. And it seemed exciting, learning how to like things that I didn't before and in the end, genuinely liking them. It was like I was living until now only knowing what the world had to offer through my eyes and now seeing it in his, everything's changed. And I quite liked the change. And it made what would happen worth it.
He was worth it.
It was the last day today. The last day that we would be dating. He came at around eight in the evening and dragged me to the Han River. We sat in silence and all I could hear was the beating of my heart. Tonight might be the last time I'll see him. Tonight was the night I had to decide whether to tell him how I felt or say Goodbye. Once I looked at him and he smiled at me, I felt braver. Looks like I'll be doing the former tonight. I returned the smile and everything seemed to fall into place. We fell back into our old pace and began talking animatedly as today wasn't the end. I really hoped it wasn't.
"It's kind of random but. You know from all the stories I read about and see on the news about how you guys date... Idols, I mean. It just kind of reminds me of ordering coffee.." I look away from Baekhyun, a blush creeping to my cheeks and start playing with my fingers, rubbing them together to generate heat. It was a stupid move to not wear a thicker sweater in autumn. I look back at him as he stare up at the stars; his eyebrows scrunched up and his lips in a pout as he tries to understand what I had just said. Oh my gosh... He must think I'm weird... Oh no..
"What? That's kind of a weird analogy..."
"I- I mean it's like your relationship... It's the coffee you order. It's something you like, something you ordered yourself, something based on your preferences. A- and when you order the coffee for here it's like you want the relationship to stay in a comfortable bubble, being the cafe..." I look back at him and he smile at me softly and I take it as a sign to continue. "The environment is quiet and people don't really bother you there. It'd seem like people outside wouldn't really know whether or not you ordered or what kind of coffee you like. But when you order to go it's like you're willing to go out of that comfortable bubble, risk bumping into people as you walk to wherever you're headed. You're willing to show people that you did actually order coffee... I know it doesn't really make sense but-" Ugh... I'm babbling. Why am I so nervous??
"I get it. Hahaha. I get it. I really do. I think it applies to all relationships, though..." He drapes his arm around my shoulder, squeezing it gently to reassure me. "If you were to choose... for here or to go?"
"Hmmm... to go..?" I lean into him, searching for his warmth.
"You're not sure?"
"to go, because if I think of how the other person would feel if I chose for here based on my analogy... It must be pretty sad to just be the safe zone of the other person. The other person would just go to me for comfort but wouldn't want to face the hardships together. I mean it's through that do relationships grow stronger. It's through facing obstacles do we find out who we truly are and who truly cares for us and the other way around. Does that make sense..?" I feel his gaze on me and I turn my head towards him. I can feel his breath on my lips. And we're so close. I don't know whether I should close my eyes or not. I've never been this close to anyone. It feels like my heart is about to beat right out of my chest. My eyes travel from his jet-black eyes, his nose and finally down to his lips. I can't say that I've never really thought of kissing those lips but now that they're so close, I don't know what to do.
"Yeah... It does... Can I use my last wish. Can I kiss you?" I nodded slowly, looking him in the eye and I waited for him to lean in, and he did, closing the gap between our lips. I close my eyes and cling to his sweater, feeling my fingers tremble against it. And I feel his warmth as he wraps his arms around me. It was my first kiss. He was my first kiss.
"I like you." I still feel his breathe on my lips. I open my eyes and he's staring back at me. And for a moment everything stops. It feels like my heart is about to explode and the words are stuck on the tip of my tongue as I try to stop myself from saying it again. But when I look into his eyes, when I feel his heart beat and when I still taste the coffee he ordered on my lips, I can't help it. He needs to know. I need him to know. "I like you." I say it again, slowly faltering to a whisper. And somehow the courage I had when I agreed to come tonight and the assurance I thought I had that he felt the same, I didn't have it anymore.
I can feel his arms loosen around me and the warmth disappears. He feels farther away now, more than when I still didn't know him. And then it hit me. Maybe all of this was just for the heck of it. I mean how could one of the best up and coming singers go out or even like a nobody like me. And that the whole deal was just a joke to him, a way to pass time. I mean, he could have any girl out there... why would he choose me? I stared down at my clenched hands, watching my knuckles turn white. And then the tears just started to fall. I tried and tried to convince myself that it wasn't because it hurt knowing that I might probably mean nothing to him, that I may be in love with him. How do you fall in love with a person you just met a week ago? But then again, how do you tell yourself that you're not in love with Byun Baekhyun?
"I'm sorry." And that's all it took for him to break my heart. I start wiping furiously at my eyes and stand up and walk back to the cafe. I hear him call out to me, and it hurts because just by calling my name, I fall for him all over again. I can still feel his presence behind me and it feels like the distance between us is getting bigger and bigger. And it makes me wish I had never fallen for him in the first place.
As we arrive at the cafe, I see his manager fiddling with his phone while waiting by his car. I go in without a word as I hear Baekhyun greet him. When I get in, I lean against the door, waiting until I hear the car speed off, putting more distance between us. I run up to my room and fall unto my bed. Maybe if I wished hard enough the bed would swallow all of my feelings for him, but it wouldn't. Then my phone goes off and all I hear is his voice, always his voice.
"Hey. I know you don't really want to talk to me right now... But I just wanted to tell you that... I like you. I really do. And the truth is I've liked you way before you even knew me. I've liked since the first time you made a guide song for us. I've liked you since the first time I heard you sing. And it sucked really, when you didn't know who I was but when you smiled at me the first time, it didn't matter anymore... As long as you smiled like that... As long as I was the reason for that smile. But I got scared because a friend of mine, he's a singer too, his fans found out he was dating someone and well, they ruined her. I don't want that to happen to you because if that happens to you... If that happens to you, you'll lose your smile and- and I don't want that to happen, ever."
The silence continues for a bit and something boils up inside of me. "Then don't you think what you did might just do what you didn't want to happen?" It made me mad to think that we could've been together, that it really did mean something to him, that this wasn't a game but he was scared of something he wasn't sure would happen.
"Because you can still find someone. Someone better than me. Someone-"
"But what if it's just you?! That I can't find someone else because it will always be you?! Don't you trust me enough to be able to take it, to still be by your side until the end. Do you think my feelings are that shallow?" I feel my tears streaming down my cheeks but I feel so tired of trying to keep wiping them away. I'm tired of trying to erase something that won't stop. "I'll be at cafe, all day tomorrow. If- if you want to try this, to sort out whatever this is... I'll be there because... I like you." I end the call and curl into myself, praying that maybe, maybe tonight I'll get some sleep for even just a bit.
It's three in the afternoon already, it's a bit of a slow day today and it makes me wonder if last night was just a dream, that he never really said he liked me. I stand behind the counter, staring at the door, still waiting. The clock continues ticking away and I keep glancing at it every few seconds, still waiting. Minseok-oppa sends me to the back room since apparently the blank face I had on would scare the customers off. I head to the couch and lie down, not forgetting to keep the door ajar. I listen to the clock ticking, the silence slowly consuming my thoughts. The bell at the entrance rings and I sit up peeking through the open door to see who it is. It was a man in his early 30s who might be looking for an afternoon caffeine fix. I lie back down cover my face with my hands as my tears begin to fall.
Then I hear it, his voice as he talks to Minseok-oppa. I bolt out of the back room and there he is, smilling as brightly as he usually does. "Oppa, I'll handle the counter. I'm fine now." I say to Minseok-oppa as I shove him into the back room. And I stand behind the counter again, like the first time we officially met. And it feels like everything's changed since then; the bags under his eyes are more prominent, he removed his sunglasses and I can see his eyes more clearly, I can see a glint of hope behind them and maybe even love. "Good afternoon, sir. What'd you like to order?"
"What would you recommend?" And he looks me in the eye and it's there again, the look in his eyes, the same one I saw last night. And I might just be falling even more.
"Me. I'd recommend me." I say regaining the courage I had because the call hadn't been a dream because he's here. He says ok and smiles at me, the same one I fell for. "For here or to go?" And maybe, just maybe, he'll believe in me this time. He smiles even more and I return the gesture as he reaches out to cup my cheeks and leans in to kiss me.
"To go."