Forever Yours Forever Mine - extra side story
Forever Yours Forever Mine - extra side story
Pairing: Rocker!Jin x Model!Kame (aka AKAME)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: extra story for Rocker!Jin x Model!Kame: Forever Yours Forever Mine. Jin has a feeling that something's wrong with Kame and Kame isn't telling him what it is. When he realizes what it is, it's clear that this time Jin needs to be the one to help Kame instead of the other way around.
Notes: Written for chuukibito~~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH-CHAN!!!!!
So, it's chuukibito's birthday (LALALA HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU STEPH-CHAN!!!!!) and for her birthday present, she asked for an extra in the Rocker!JIn x model!Kame universe thingie, where Jin sings Kame to sleep and there's angst and then it ends happy . This is what I ended up with, so hopefully, it meets your expectations Steph-chan!!!! <3 I hope you have an awesome birthday full of shiny things!! *coughjecough* <3 i love you!! <3 I have a sneaking suspicion there are still a few typos I haven't found in here, so please excuse those *bows head in apology*
---Rocker!Jin x Model!Kame--- oh right, and this one-shot thingie takes place in between the last two scenes of Forever Yours Forever Mine, right after the concert at which Kame forgave Jin, and before the last scene with the band members, Pi and Kame and Jin. ^^
Strong arms were wrapped around Kame as he sat up against the headboard of the bed, white sheets pulled up around his waist. His boxers were just peeking out from where they rode low on his waist. Smooth skin was exposed to the cold, but Kame didn’t care. Warm arms were wrapped around him, where they had been for so long; dark hair tickled his shoulder blades where Jin’s head was bent to bury itself into the side of Kame’s neck. Kame’s eyes were closed as he felt the pressure of Jin’s fingers on his bare waist increase. The older man held Kame as tightly as he could, refusing to let go even for one second and Kame smiled softly as he reached his fingers out to play with the soft locks of Jin’s hair.
The three piercings in Jin’s right ear glinted in the soft light that streamed into the room from the direction of the hallway, and Kame could only smile when Jin’s arms tightened. Despite looking as though he was he was asleep, with his eyes closed, Jin was clearly very much awake.
As if to prove this, Jin suddenly opened his eyes, shifting so that Kame was now sitting between his legs and leaning back against his chest. Kame smiled up at Jin, who looked back down with an expression that made Kame want to kiss the older man. So he did, stretching up to meet his lips with Jin’s. The expression on Jin’s face when they parted made Kame laugh just a little. Despite how dim the lighting in the room was, Jin’s smile was so bright that Kame couldn’t help but laugh lightly.
He started when he realized it was the first time in a while that he had laughed like that.
Jin suddenly spoke, breaking the silence that had settled over them since Jin had gotten home from the concert and Kame had gone to talk to his agency, “I’m sorry again, Kazuya” he whispered, eyes opening to stare intently into Kame’s, “I really am”
Kame merely smiled serenely at Jin, something that seemed to make Jin more panicked for his arms tightened. Maybe it was his imagination, but Kame, in the audience today, had seemed to sad, so heartbroken, so resigned and so small, lost among the large crowd. He had almost looked like he was drowning among the faces of the exuberant crowd and Jin had been unable to keep his eyes off of Kame. It had seemed that if he took his eyes of Kame for one mere second, he would disappear and Jin would never see him again.
He knew his actions had hurt Kame more than anything probably could. During the concert, this realization came full force, like a blow in the gut after being hit already, and he had almost messed up the lyrics he had practiced for hours to get right. The look in Kame’s eyes, watching him, however, was what made him recover so quickly and Jin had just ached to wrap his arms around the younger man. He had wanted to reassure himself that Kame was not going anywhere.
And yet…
Even now, something felt off, like even though Kame had forgiven him, there was a nagging feeling in Jin’s chest that told him something was still wrong. Something important, that he was ignoring in favor of having Kame in his arms for one night.
Maybe it had to do with Kame’s sudden insecurity around him. The younger man had insisted they only turn on the night light in the hall, leaving the room in near darkness. Jin frowned as he embraced Kame from behind once more and wondered what was going through the younger man’s head. He may be an idiot, and Kame a good actor, but he could still tell when something was terribly wrong.
“Kazuya…” he said, hands wandering back around Kame’s waist and his frown deepened just a little.
“What’s the matter J?” Kame asked with a beaming smile up at him. Jin stared down at him and shook his head, biting his lip.
“I told you, I forgive you right?” Kame asked, resting his hand on Jin’s cheek where the letter J had been removed hours ago, “Didn’t I?”
“You did” Jin said with a bright smile, “Even though I hurt you. You’re so forgiving” he murmured as he hugged Kame to him.
“It’s because it’s you” Kame said with a smile as he leaned against Jin’s chest, putting a hand on Jin’s arm as he closed his eyes, “Can we stay like this for a while?” he asked with a soft whisper that almost sounded like a whimper. Jin’s gaze went from worried to a soft, content look as he looked down at the younger man, who still suddenly seemed much smaller than before.
It was because Kame was still hurting, even if he told Jin otherwise, Jin told himself. He promised himself that he wouldn’t let his stupidity hurt Kame anymore; not when it made the younger man who was always so strong, so cheerful, so spirited, into someone who acted like he was too weak to even try to be himself anymore.
“I’m sorry Kazu-chan” Jin whispered as he leaned his head against the headboard of the bed, not willing to move in case he woke Kame up, “Thank you for forgiving me”
* * *
Jin was beginning to think he had been imagining it. The morning right after they had made up, Kame had woken him up, already dressed and when Jin had started to complain that he had wanted to wake Kame up and see Kame’s adorably disgruntled face at being woken up, Kame had just laughed and hit Jin over the head with a pillow, while teasing that he could do that next time, if he ever woke up before Kame did.
Simply put, he was teasing Jin again, which was a normal occurrence and Jin had to smile brightly despite being teased. Maybe he had been imagining the nagging wrongness he had felt last night. When Kame turned from where he had been making the bed, and pulled at the chain of Jin’s necklace so that Jin fell toward him ending in a kiss, all pouts at being teased, and all worries from last night were banished from Jin’s mind. Distracted, Jin quickly downplayed last night’s worries to being paranoid after the small break up with his boyfriend.
While waiting for Kame to finish his breakfast, Jin tilted his head as he watched Kame, a small smile playing at his lips. Kame raised his eyes to look at Jin with a curious expression that clearly said ‘what is it?’. Jin merely grinned and wriggled his eyebrows just a little. Kame looked on in confusion.
“When you’re done, I’m taking you somewhere today, okay?” Jin asked with a cross between a grin and a grimace. Kame raised his eyebrows.
“You might want to get dressed first” he commented while spearing his eggs with his fork, “Of course, I don’t mind if you walk around Tokyo in your boxers, but I think you will”
Jin looked down and blushed just a little before mumbling something and jumping up. He left the kitchen with Kame’s laughter ringing in his ears. He could still hear Kame laughing even when he pulled out a set of clothes he always left in Kame’s apartment, and couldn’t’ help but bury his face into the shirt he was holding. Kame always found it amusing to tease him, and Jin would always end up a little embarrassed when the younger man did that.
When he came back out, Kame was just finishing washing and drying the dishes. The younger man looked up from where he was standing at the counter and Jin felt a strange urge to wrap his arms tightly around Kame and not let go for a long time, just standing there. However, remembering what he had planned for today and wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible, he settled for a long kiss with one arm wrapping around Kame’s thin waist.
“So” Kame said once they were on the street, a pair of sunglasses perched on his nose, “Where are we going anyways?”
Jin mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath.
“J~” Kame sing-songed as he took Jin’s hand in his. He was pleased when Jin didn’t try to take his hand away, or even look around furtively as if checking if anyone was watching. In fact, the only response Jin gave was looking up and gazing at Kame intently, refusing to take his eyes off of the younger man. His stare never left Kame’s face and Kame knew that Jin was reassuring Kame that he meant all that he had said the night before. The fact that Jin’s hand tightened around his instead of loosening further proved that.
A bright smile lit up the model’s face.
“Where are we going J?” he asked again.
Jin had to tear his gaze away from Kame’s smile so that he could answer and mumbled something. Kame strained to hear it and then he laughed, pulling Jin into a nearby alley so that he could lean up to kiss the older man, pressing him against the wall.
Jin grinned at Kame, a little dazed look on his face when they parted.
“Let’s see if I heard right: ‘we’re going to the band’s practice studio so that I can introduce you to the others because they’re nosy and demand that I bring you to meet them’” Kame laughed, “You sound like a girl bringing a boyfriend home to meet her parents”
Jin balked, “I am not a girl!” he looked sullenly at Kame, “You’re more of a girl than I am, you….you prima donna model”
“Of course not you’re not a girl” Kame said consolingly as they continued walking down the street, “Besides…” he shot a grin at Jin, “Maybe I have ‘parents’ you need to meet too” he said teasingly.
Jin stared, “What?”
Kame merely grinned innocently, “Yamapi has been talking about meeting you so that he can hit you if you turn out to be an asshole. Ryo just wants to hit you anyways”
Jin gulped, “Why?”
“…they heard everything from me last night” Kame said with a shrug, “Just like I’m sure your band heard everything after the concert”
“But why do they want to beat me up?!”
“Shall I leave you think about that?” Kame teased, “I’m more forgiving than they are…although the two you should be scared of are Tackey and Tsubasa. Although I’d be worried about Yamapi too…he’s been learning karate. Then again, Tackey can be downright sadistic sometimes”
“What?” Jin yelped, “Not only do I have to fear getting beat up by naked An-An boy, but three other people?!”
Kame examined his fingernails calmly, “Well, that’s what you get…after all, I’m the ‘girl’ aren’t I? A girl must have protective friends to beat up anyone who tries to date her” he grinned innocently.
“Hey!” Jin’s eyes narrowed, “This is all just revenge for me calling you a girl just now isn’t it?”
“Maybe” Kame allowed.
“Kame! That was mean! You really scared me!” Jin said, running to catch up to Kame.
Kame laughed as he tugged on Jin’s hand, “You’re too easy to tease” he said, leaning in so that their noses were touching. He really wanted to take Kame’s sunglasses off, but he decided to ignore them for now as he leaned in to kiss Kame. When he finally drew away, Kame smiled, “So, which way?” he asked, looking around the street.
“This way” Jin said with a silly grin at Kame as for the first time ever, he walked hand in hand next to the younger man on the street.
Before long, they were in front of the door to the practice room and Jin pushed the door open, holding Kame’s hand as he led the younger man inside.
“It’s Aka-chan!” the drummer called out, waving his drumsticks, “And guess who he brought~”
Kame raised an eyebrow, trying to keep down the urge to laugh. Jin looked mournfully at him, “Go ahead. Laugh”
Kame did so, much to Jin’s chagrin.
“They call you baby?” Kame giggled, “J~ you didn’t tell me about this!”
“Because that would give you even more to tease me with” Jin pouted.
“Oh, J~~ a new nickname for Aka-chan!” the guitarist grinned, “Thanks, Kamenashi!”
Kame hid a smile behind his hand as he said, “Kamenashi Kazuya, nice to meet you all”
“Polite too” the pianist nudged Jin, “J~~ introduce us!”
Jin scowled, “Who said you could use that name? Only Kame-chan is allowed to!” he glared and hit the pianist on the head, “Fine. Kame-chan, these idiots are the band. They’re not cool or anything like they’ll lead you to believe when they’re on stage. Don’t be fooled. They’re really just a bunch of losers, and they suck” he stuck his tongue out when the drummer hit him on the head, “You don’t need to know their names. I try not to even call them by their names. It encourages them to be clingy - hey, you do get clingy when I use your names!” he said, dodging a smack on the head, “You can call him #1, that one #2, and this one #3. Don’t ever use their real names of you’ll end up with a human puppy, I swear”
Kame laughed, “Interesting…”
#1, the guitarist, suddenly rushed up to Kame, “So~~ can we call you Kame-chan?” he asked eagerly, “Did you know that J~” he snickered at the look on Jin’s face as he stopped to make kissy noises, “ - has a whole collection of -”
Jin blushed as he pulled Kame away from his band mate, “Ignore him”
“Not only that, but he has -”
“Ignore him too” Jin said, putting his shoe back on after using it to hit the pianist, also known as #3.
“And did you know that -”
“Stop telling Kazu-chan things that will embarrass me!” Jin cried out, “You’re all mean!”
“We do it because you turn red every time” #2 said with a grin, “Hey, Kamenashi, have you ever seen Aka-chan turn completely red?”
Kame was amused, “I may have managed it once or twice…” he said mysteriously.
“And the fact that you knew he was completely red must mean you did it while he wasn’t fully dressed” #2 grinned as he wrapped an arm around Kame, “I think you and I need to share stories and -”
“That’s enough!” Jin cried, turning even redder, “Stop it!” he said, pulling Kame closer to him as though protecting Kame from his band mates. He blissfully ignored the incredibly amused expression on his boyfriend’s face.
“Well, you’ve all met Kame. Time for us to go now. Bye” he said as he dragged Kame out of the practice room.
“But J~~~” the three voices could be heard chorusing in protest as their lead singer left, “Come back~~ we haven’t even asked Kame-chan what intentions he has with you”
Kame waited until they were in the elevator before looking at Jin, “Pity. I wanted to ask what they were talking about”
“Kazu-chan!!” Jin cried, horrified.
“Who knows if I’ll ever need more things to tease you with” Kame said idly, as he traced small patterns on Jin’s arm. Jin was half distracted as he answered, “Trust me, you’ll never need more things to tease me with. You have enough” he said, shuddering a little at the sensation Kame’s fingers were making.
Kame stopped playing with Jin’s arm and laughed as he leaned on Jin’s shoulder, “You get teased a lot everywhere you go, don’t you?” he asked.
Jin was still blushing from all the teasing as he nodded, “They tease me at work, then you tease me at home” he said mournfully, “You all just love teasing me”
Kame paused, “I’d love to tease you more, but you just said something that distracted me. You said ‘home’” he said, raising an eyebrow.
Jin started.
Before he could open his mouth to explain why he was calling Kame’s place home, he found Kame’s lips on his and the younger man’s slim figure pressing up against his, pushing him against a corner of the elevator. Kame’s hands wandered to the nape of Jin’s neck, slowly moving up and fingers playing with Jin’s hair, causing Jin to let out a sound that was muffled by Kame’s lips on his.
The ‘ding’ signaling the elevator doors opening was what made Kame draw away, although not quickly enough and the errand boy shot them a highly suspicious look, which made Kame smile serenely. The errand boy flushed a little at the bright smile he got, but there was still a suspicious look in his eyes.
“Please excuse us. I have to keep counting to ten and check his heart rate and breathing” Kame said with a bright smile as he leaned forward, his fingers on Jin’s neck and his lips tantalizing close to the line of Jin’s jaw. The way Kame was breathing warm puffs of air on Jin’s skin was enough to make Jin squirm uncomfortably, wanting so much to let his hands travel all over Kame, but the presence of the errand boy stopped him. He looked through half-lidded eyes at the errand boy, wondering just when he would get off the elevator.
Seeing that gaze, the errand boy turned away, flushing.
Kame smirked at the red faces of both Jin and the errand boy.
“You even tease the errand boy - using me” Jin whispered quickly.
Kame smiled innocently.
“Tease? I don’t know what you mean” he said, looking up at Jin with wide, innocent eyes. Jin growled a little as he snaked an arm around Kame’s waist, waiting for the elevator to stop and the errand boy to get out, before he kissed Kame roughly, crushing the younger man’s lips with his own.
“I think you know very well what I mean” Jin countered.
Kame smiled innocently, “And if I keep denying that I don’t know what you mean?”
“We’re going to have a very long talk once we get home…”
“Will this talk involving kissing?”
“Definitely” Jin said without hesitating.
Kame grinned, “Then I think I’ll look forward to this long talk”
* * *
Later that week, they ended up at a restaurant for dinner, in a little table in the corner that they had happily sat down at the moment they walked in. Kame’s sunglasses managed to cover his face enough that he was just barely recognizable as ‘that guy in his underwear on the huge billboard’ and Jin’s head was pulled down low enough that with the lack of eyeliner and dark clothes and chains he was wearing, he could easily pass himself off as someone who just looked like the lead singer, Akanishi Jin.
However, despite that, they had garnered a lot of attention on the street and that was why the moment they saw the secluded little two-seater in the corner, Kame had immediately dragged Jin over to it.
Jin watched with a smile and a bit of a worried look as Kame began ordering from the waiter. Once again, he was feeling that nagging feeling from last night and he wondered what it was. It didn’t seem as though there was anything wrong with Kame - he was acting perfectly happy and Jin had been assured that the ‘relationship’ that Kame’s agency had wanted him to start wouldn’t happen now that Kame could tell his agency about his relationship.
The speculation the paparazzi had made concerning Jin’s apology and Kame’s departure from the concert had been enough to assure both of them that Kame’s agency would not do a single thing about forcing Kame into that proposed relationship.
As their food arrived, Jin raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t have any jobs this week?” he asked, as Kame had ordered quite a lot of food.
Kame paused before grinning, “It’s more like…it won’t matter how much I eat right now” he said, making a face and Jin laughed.
“Besides, I figured you’d be happy; you’re the one always complaining that I make you look like a pig because you eat more than I do”
“You do eat an abnormally tiny amount!” Jin said, pouting, “…except today” he added with a curious look at Kame, “I didn’t even know you could eat that much”
“I can surprise you” Kame said with a small little smile.
Jin thought he was imagining it, but he could almost swear he saw a flash of a worried look in Kame’s eyes before it disappeared and Kame was grinning at him.
That nagging feeling returned and Jin tried his best to shrug it off - there was nothing wrong with Kame that he could see, so why did he keep getting that feeling?
“What’s the matter?” Kame asked as he swallowed another bite of food.
“Nothing…” Jin said hesitantly.
“Is this about being teased by everyone again?” Kame laughed, “We only tease you because we love you, you know”
Jin beamed at hearing Kame say in an indirect way that he loved him, “I know”
He reached over to give Kame’s hand a squeeze, “I love you too” he said softly. Kame looked up at Jin with surprised eyes before a pleased smile made its way across his face.
Kame took a sip of the fizzing, sugary drink he had ordered and Jin raised an eyebrow again. That choice of drink was something Kame would normally never drink - mostly because the more he kept his weight, the happier the designers and those he worked for would be.
Kame noticed his look and shot a mischievous one at him, “Want a sip?” he asked, handing it out for Jin to take. Jin took a look at the drink before happily taking it and taking a long sip, “Fruity” he murmured.
“I know” Kame said happily.
“Also…has a bit of a really sugary taste. What is in that? It’s almost as sweet as cotton candy!” Jin exclaimed, looking in surprise at the drink, “I think I got a sugar rush from just one sip”
Kame nodded as he sipped it and once again, Jin saw a glimpse of that strange look cross Kame’s face.
This time, the nagging feeling returned full force and nothing Jin did could make it go away. He stared at Kame for a long time, before something about the expression that kept crossing Kame’s face clicked in his mind. He stood up abruptly, dragging Kame up from his seat. The younger man protested, surprise, but Jin didn’t let go, not caring that they could be recognized. He put more than enough money on the table and dragged Kame out of the store, drink in hand.
Once they were outside, Jin grabbed the drink noticing that worried and strange look on Kame’s face again, before throwing it in a nearby trash can. Then, he proceeded to drag Kame down a few blocks to Kame’s - their - apartment. Once inside, Kame wrenched his arm out of Jin’s grasp, irritation and worry creasing his features.
“What the hell, J?” he asked, glaring at Jin and crossing his arms over his chest.
Jin ignored the clearly pissed off aura Kame was giving off and dragged him out of the entrance hall and into the living room, where he took a deep breath and looked at Kame.
“Why?”
The one, obscure question, made Kame freeze and then tilt his head in confusion.
“Why what?”
“Kame…”
“What? I really don’t know!” Kame protested, “You’re acting weird, J! What’s going on?”
“You were forcing yourself to drink that extremely sugary stuff!” Jin accused, knowing that the expression he had seen on Kame’s face had been one of disgust and loathing at the taste, “I saw it! You clearly hated it! I mean, you usually barely eat a donut, why the hell are you forcing yourself to drink something you hate?”
“I didn’t hate it” Kame said stubbornly, although he wouldn’t meet Jin’s eyes.
“Yes you did!” Jin retorted, “You think I don’t know by now what face you make when you hate something?” he scoffed, “I may not see it often, but I definitely know it!” he said, bristling as though insulted that Kame thought he could fool him. He stared at Kame, eyes unblinking and then he asked, “What’s going on?”
Kame gave a shrug as he tried to get past Jin into the rest of the apartment, “You’re imagining things, is all” he brushed the question away quickly.
Jin threw out an arm to block Kame’s path, “Kazuya” he said with a low growl, clearly upset and determined.
“You’re imagining everything” Kazuya said, crossing his arms, “J, let me through”
“No!” Jin said, crossing his arms as well as he blocked Kazuya from moving.
“J!” Kazuya glared as he tried to move Jin’s arm with his hand, trying to bring it down so that he could get past the older man.
“Not until you tell me what’s going on!” Jin cried out, “I’m worried - does this have anything to do with your agency?”
“No” Kazuya said shortly.
Jin’s eyes narrowed, “It does doesn’t it? What’s going on? Are they really okay with our relationship?” he asked frantically. If the agency was letting Kame go because of the relationship he had with a man, he wouldn’t put it past Kame to hide it from him now. The younger man’s suddenly changed eating patterns this week confirmed that Kame was trying to put on weight and was hiding it, meaning that he didn’t want Jin to know. Jin wouldn’t put it past Kame to try to spare his feelings by putting on weight to lie that he had been dismissed from the agency because he had gained weight, instead of what it truly was.
“That’s not it” Kame said shortly and he was getting more and more impatient as his fingers dug deeper into Jin’s arms, “Get out of the way J”
“No” Jin said stubbornly, deciding to not let Kame go until he got all the answers. He wouldn’t let Kame deal with this on his own if that was what was going on.
“Seriously, J, let me go” Kame said, his voice hard and Jin almost flinched. It was a very pissed off Kame that he was standing in front of right now.
“Kame” Jin said pleadingly.
The younger man stiffened suddenly, and his nails dug painfully into Jin’s arm, “Let go, damn it!” he all but yelled, trying to push past Jin. It failed as he only ended up with Jin’s arm pressing against his stomach and Jin was sure he heard a whimper from Kame.
“Kame?” he asked in concern.
“J…let go please” Kame looked up with imploring eyes. Jin was taken back but he was still reluctant.
“Please” Kame said, “…I think I’m going to throw up…”
With those words, Jin’s eyes widened and his arm dropped. Kame pushed past him, running straight into the bathroom and Jin knew then that the younger man had not been lying about that part.
He stood in the doorway and then walked in, pulling strands of Kame’s hair back as the younger man emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet.
Jin was worried - very worried - but he decided not to question Kame while he was in this state.
He gently rubbed Kame’s back, still wondering just what was going on.
* * *
Kame didn’t bother fighting Jin as the older man let him into the bedroom, sitting him down on the bed, trying to comfort him for he still felt horrible right now. It probably showed on his face too; his whole body felt miserable. He could still remember the bitter taste in his mouth afterwards, even though he had brushed his teeth perhaps five times to get the disgusting taste out. He had felt too uncomfortable with that bitter aftertaste of stomach acid not to. He looked up at Jin, suddenly clamping a hand over his mouth, which made Jin sit up straighter.
“Kazuya?” he asked right away, “Do you need to throw up?”
“…no…” Kame mumbled, but he wouldn’t meet Jin’s eyes. He knew that at this point, he owed Jin some answers.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Jin asked quietly, “Although I think I can already guess”
Neither of them had bothered to turn the light off and Kame resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself as Jin pulled the shirt over Kame’s head, intent on getting Kame into something that didn’t smell of his own sick.
Jin’s eyes were downcast and sad as he looked at Kame, and the younger man looked away.
Two hands were placed on his stomach and Kame could swear he saw a glisten in Jin’s eyes that made his heart break. He determinedly kept looking away, figuring that if he didn’t see it, it wouldn’t hurt.
It still hurt.
Kame looked at Jin to see him staring at him, realization in his eyes and Kame sighed.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t find out” Kame muttered, playing with the edges of his boxers.
“What? That you lost so much weight in the time that we broke up that you must have been only eating once every few days for the past month and a half or so?” Jin asked as he looked at Kame’s much too thin body, “That you were probably so distraught over what happened and the fact that you thought I was ashamed of you that you worked yourself to death and forgot to feed yourself?” he guessed, “Because to you, working means not thinking about things that hurt and I hurt you?”
Kame was shocked that Jin could guess exactly what happened so accurately.
“Don’t look so shocked. I know you too well, and I should have known you would have done something like that” Jin said with a shake of his head, looking as though he wanted to cry as he kept running his hands over Kame’s thin form as if afraid that if he let go, Kame would disappear right in front of his eyes, “I should have known” his voice was shaking and Kame wanted to wrap his arms around Jin and tell him that he couldn’t have known.
“What would you be like if we hadn’t gotten back together this week?” Jin murmured as he traced a finger over Kame’s lips, “Kazuya…”
Kame stayed silent, staring up at Jin, suddenly feeling the urge to embrace him and tell him that he couldn’t possibly have known and that Kame hadn’t meant to hurt him.
“And then, so I wouldn’t find out, you go and eat way more than you can handle, eating foods you hate because they have so much sugar in them, you’d be sure to gain weight” Jin said softly, “Kazuya…I wouldn’t have hated you if you told me” he murmured, “I could have…you made yourself sick just to hide it from me”
“…because I know you” Kame finally spoke up, “And if you found out, you’d blame yourself and I didn’t want that” he said with a sigh, arms finally giving into the urge and wrapping around Jin in an embrace.
“So making yourself sick is better?”
“I didn’t want you to feel bad” Kame muttered under his breath. He was surprised when he suddenly felt Jin move and hug him tightly, strong arms easily wrapping around his body. There were no words said, but Kame got the message. Jin was scared - terrified that by not acknowledging Kame and their relationship before might have made Jin lose Kame forever, especially if it had continued and Kame drowned himself in so much work, so much forgetting, that he literally worked himself to death.
Kame didn’t think there was anything he could say to reassure Jin right now, so he let Jin hold him as long as he wanted to. Jin’s arms were so tightly wrapped around him that he almost felt as though Jin would never let go.
I don’t think I’d mind though…Kame thought as he leaned into Jin’s embrace. He had missed this; he had missed this so much when he and Jin had been separated. The feeling that someone really worried about him, the feeling that someone cared; he had worked so hard to try to forget and Kame knew deep inside, that in a way, he had maybe been trying to get Jin’s attention - to get him to notice, to do something to make Jin worried enough that he would come back because Kame’s own pride and feeling wouldn’t let him keep a secret relationship up. He had been trying to say he needed help. He had wanted Jin to come running to save him.
“I’m sorry” Jin murmured, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” his hands were entangled in Kame’s hair as he hugged Kame to his chest, “I’m sorry - if I hadn’t made you feel like…I was ashamed, you would never have been so hurt you’d neglect yourself so badly. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry”
“It’s not your fault” Kame said sharply, looking up at Jin, “This is why I didn’t tell you - you’re blaming yourself for something that was my fault”
“But -”
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine, alright?” Kame said with a smile at Jin, “It’s completely mine for letting my feelings get the better of me. So stop feeling guilty”
Jin didn’t look convinced.
“But it is my fault - I made you feel like…like you weren’t worth it!” Jin exclaimed, shuddering, “I didn’t mean to but I did and -“
“Stop feeling guilty” Kame cut Jin off.
“I can’t help it” Jin whispered, “Kazuya…I’m sorry”
Kame let out a frustrated sigh, “Jin…” he ran a hand through his hair as he looked at Jin, who had a stubbornly depressed look on his face. He knew that nothing he could say could reassure Jin that it wasn’t his fault; nothing that could be said right now anyways. He knew that he had been only slightly aware of doing what he did - he knew the reasons behind it. He had wanted Jin to come back. He had wanted someone to stop and look - to realize that Kame was beginning to feel…to feel unworthy, like he was something that could just be thrown away and no one would care.
After getting the tickets to the concert from Jin, thoughts of Jin had filled his head and then…he imagined the horrified look on Jin’s face when he realized the truth, and he had desperately tried to hide it, hoping to gain weight as quickly as possible by eating things he usually hated because of all the calories they had, so that Jin never found out. It obviously hadn’t worked as well as he’d hoped.
“Just never leave me okay?” Kame asked after a long moment, a little smile tugging at his lips. He knew that if he couldn't get Jin to forgive himself, then telling him how to get Kame to 'forgive' him would be the only way to get Jin to try to forgive himself. Jin suddenly smiled, arms tightening around his boyfriend, “I can do that. I planned on doing that anyways” he declared and Kame couldn’t help but give Jin a smile that made Jin blink and kiss him.
Jin was hovering over Kame, who was now leaning against the headboard as they kissed, “I’m a bit mad at you too” he admitted after a while, “I’m madder at myself than you because I know I hurt you so much to make you forget about yourself and lose so much confidence that you worked so hard to prove that you weren’t…shameful…but I’m still a bit mad that you pretended nothing was wrong” he said with a sigh as he hugged Kame to him, “It’s not fair when you decide to be strong on your own” he murmured, “Why can’t I help you be strong when I love you?”
Kame’s breath hitched, “Jin…”
“I want to help you Kame. Don’t hide things from me anymore” Jin said, looking straight into Kame’s eyes, “I don’t care what you do, even if it ended up being illegal or something, I want to help you whenever I can. Even if I can’t do much, I want to do something, so don’t be strong on your own. I want to be there for you, so let me?”
Kame closed his eyes and taking it as a confirmation that Kame would never say out loud, Jin leaned in to kiss him.
* * *
Kame was lying against him and Jin’s eyes refused to take themselves off of the younger man. Kame was half drifting off and half struggling to stay awake as his eyes concentrated on the movie playing. Jin couldn’t help but smile at the hand that was clutching his hand tightly, relaxing as Kame almost drifted off to sleep, only to tighten when Kame jolted back awake. To be honest, he was still worried about Kame; he almost hadn’t been able to believe what he had been seeing a month ago, when he realized what was going on.
Kame was strong, Kame wasn’t anything like those people who would hurt themselves on purpose because of one bad thing in his life. Kame was confident and determined, stubborn even sometimes.
But making Kame feel like he wasn’t worth it, may have been the thing to push Kame over the edge.
Kame, just like any other human, needed support to be confident, and Jin had almost brutally taken that away when he had let Kame believe he wasn’t worth it, that Jin, the person Kame cared about most, was ashamed. Jin still felt terrible, especially when he saw Kame’s still too thin form.
He still couldn’t believe Kame worked himself so hard that he had forgotten or neglected to feed himself. Jin pursed his lips; well, he wouldn’t let that happen anymore.
Kame’s eyes opened again and Jin smiled down at him, “Why don’t you just give up and sleep?” he asked, twirling a strand of Kame’s hair around his finger.
Kame yawned and shook his head, “Don’t want to” he said stubbornly, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes.
“I think you’re tired” Jin stated with a smile.
“Yeah, well, I think you’re imagining things” Kame pouted.
Jin laughed, “So that wasn’t a yawn I just saw?”
Kame pouted a little.
Jin laughed, humming a bit under his breath as he looked at the younger man and a hand found its way to Kame’s forehead, “Want to hear what I have so far?” he asked, referring to the sheet music he had on the table next to the couch, that he had been leaning over to write on every so often.
Kame smiled as he put his head on Jin’s shoulder, nodding.
Jin opened his mouth, singing newly written lyrics softly, the notes of the song already memorized after long hours of staring at them and as he sang, his hand stroked Kame’s hair, lulling the younger man into sleep. Jin’s voice reverberated around the room and that familiar voice was enough to make Kame relax almost completely, hand losing its grip on Jin’s as he struggled to keep his eyes open to listen to the whole song. Jin merely smiled however, and his thumb flitted across Kame’s forehead as he brushed strands of hair out of the younger man’s eyes, a tender note in his voice as he sang to Kame’s face that was becoming more and more peaceful and serene as he slowly succumbed to sleep. Finally, Kame’s eyes remained closed as his grip on Jin’s hand loosened, but fingers still interlaced with Jin’s even in his sleep..
When Kame’s head turned just a little on his shoulder, making it obvious that Jin was not going to move at any point and be his pillow, Jin looked down and smiled, “Sweet dreams” he said with a soft whisper, watching Kame sleep. The younger man shifted a little, the only indication that he heard what Jin said, and a content smile graced his lips in sleep as Jin resumed singing, determined to keep singing until his voice grew tired if it made Kame smile like that in his sleep. He would do it forever it he could.
-- END ---
And that's it =P I hope you enjoyed it!!!! <3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY again <3
Pairing: Rocker!Jin x Model!Kame (aka AKAME)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: extra story for Rocker!Jin x Model!Kame: Forever Yours Forever Mine. Jin has a feeling that something's wrong with Kame and Kame isn't telling him what it is. When he realizes what it is, it's clear that this time Jin needs to be the one to help Kame instead of the other way around.
Notes: Written for chuukibito~~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH-CHAN!!!!!
So, it's chuukibito's birthday (LALALA HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU STEPH-CHAN!!!!!) and for her birthday present, she asked for an extra in the Rocker!JIn x model!Kame universe thingie, where Jin sings Kame to sleep and there's angst and then it ends happy . This is what I ended up with, so hopefully, it meets your expectations Steph-chan!!!! <3 I hope you have an awesome birthday full of shiny things!! *coughjecough* <3 i love you!! <3 I have a sneaking suspicion there are still a few typos I haven't found in here, so please excuse those *bows head in apology*
---Rocker!Jin x Model!Kame--- oh right, and this one-shot thingie takes place in between the last two scenes of Forever Yours Forever Mine, right after the concert at which Kame forgave Jin, and before the last scene with the band members, Pi and Kame and Jin. ^^
Strong arms were wrapped around Kame as he sat up against the headboard of the bed, white sheets pulled up around his waist. His boxers were just peeking out from where they rode low on his waist. Smooth skin was exposed to the cold, but Kame didn’t care. Warm arms were wrapped around him, where they had been for so long; dark hair tickled his shoulder blades where Jin’s head was bent to bury itself into the side of Kame’s neck. Kame’s eyes were closed as he felt the pressure of Jin’s fingers on his bare waist increase. The older man held Kame as tightly as he could, refusing to let go even for one second and Kame smiled softly as he reached his fingers out to play with the soft locks of Jin’s hair.
The three piercings in Jin’s right ear glinted in the soft light that streamed into the room from the direction of the hallway, and Kame could only smile when Jin’s arms tightened. Despite looking as though he was he was asleep, with his eyes closed, Jin was clearly very much awake.
As if to prove this, Jin suddenly opened his eyes, shifting so that Kame was now sitting between his legs and leaning back against his chest. Kame smiled up at Jin, who looked back down with an expression that made Kame want to kiss the older man. So he did, stretching up to meet his lips with Jin’s. The expression on Jin’s face when they parted made Kame laugh just a little. Despite how dim the lighting in the room was, Jin’s smile was so bright that Kame couldn’t help but laugh lightly.
He started when he realized it was the first time in a while that he had laughed like that.
Jin suddenly spoke, breaking the silence that had settled over them since Jin had gotten home from the concert and Kame had gone to talk to his agency, “I’m sorry again, Kazuya” he whispered, eyes opening to stare intently into Kame’s, “I really am”
Kame merely smiled serenely at Jin, something that seemed to make Jin more panicked for his arms tightened. Maybe it was his imagination, but Kame, in the audience today, had seemed to sad, so heartbroken, so resigned and so small, lost among the large crowd. He had almost looked like he was drowning among the faces of the exuberant crowd and Jin had been unable to keep his eyes off of Kame. It had seemed that if he took his eyes of Kame for one mere second, he would disappear and Jin would never see him again.
He knew his actions had hurt Kame more than anything probably could. During the concert, this realization came full force, like a blow in the gut after being hit already, and he had almost messed up the lyrics he had practiced for hours to get right. The look in Kame’s eyes, watching him, however, was what made him recover so quickly and Jin had just ached to wrap his arms around the younger man. He had wanted to reassure himself that Kame was not going anywhere.
And yet…
Even now, something felt off, like even though Kame had forgiven him, there was a nagging feeling in Jin’s chest that told him something was still wrong. Something important, that he was ignoring in favor of having Kame in his arms for one night.
Maybe it had to do with Kame’s sudden insecurity around him. The younger man had insisted they only turn on the night light in the hall, leaving the room in near darkness. Jin frowned as he embraced Kame from behind once more and wondered what was going through the younger man’s head. He may be an idiot, and Kame a good actor, but he could still tell when something was terribly wrong.
“Kazuya…” he said, hands wandering back around Kame’s waist and his frown deepened just a little.
“What’s the matter J?” Kame asked with a beaming smile up at him. Jin stared down at him and shook his head, biting his lip.
“I told you, I forgive you right?” Kame asked, resting his hand on Jin’s cheek where the letter J had been removed hours ago, “Didn’t I?”
“You did” Jin said with a bright smile, “Even though I hurt you. You’re so forgiving” he murmured as he hugged Kame to him.
“It’s because it’s you” Kame said with a smile as he leaned against Jin’s chest, putting a hand on Jin’s arm as he closed his eyes, “Can we stay like this for a while?” he asked with a soft whisper that almost sounded like a whimper. Jin’s gaze went from worried to a soft, content look as he looked down at the younger man, who still suddenly seemed much smaller than before.
It was because Kame was still hurting, even if he told Jin otherwise, Jin told himself. He promised himself that he wouldn’t let his stupidity hurt Kame anymore; not when it made the younger man who was always so strong, so cheerful, so spirited, into someone who acted like he was too weak to even try to be himself anymore.
“I’m sorry Kazu-chan” Jin whispered as he leaned his head against the headboard of the bed, not willing to move in case he woke Kame up, “Thank you for forgiving me”
* * *
Jin was beginning to think he had been imagining it. The morning right after they had made up, Kame had woken him up, already dressed and when Jin had started to complain that he had wanted to wake Kame up and see Kame’s adorably disgruntled face at being woken up, Kame had just laughed and hit Jin over the head with a pillow, while teasing that he could do that next time, if he ever woke up before Kame did.
Simply put, he was teasing Jin again, which was a normal occurrence and Jin had to smile brightly despite being teased. Maybe he had been imagining the nagging wrongness he had felt last night. When Kame turned from where he had been making the bed, and pulled at the chain of Jin’s necklace so that Jin fell toward him ending in a kiss, all pouts at being teased, and all worries from last night were banished from Jin’s mind. Distracted, Jin quickly downplayed last night’s worries to being paranoid after the small break up with his boyfriend.
While waiting for Kame to finish his breakfast, Jin tilted his head as he watched Kame, a small smile playing at his lips. Kame raised his eyes to look at Jin with a curious expression that clearly said ‘what is it?’. Jin merely grinned and wriggled his eyebrows just a little. Kame looked on in confusion.
“When you’re done, I’m taking you somewhere today, okay?” Jin asked with a cross between a grin and a grimace. Kame raised his eyebrows.
“You might want to get dressed first” he commented while spearing his eggs with his fork, “Of course, I don’t mind if you walk around Tokyo in your boxers, but I think you will”
Jin looked down and blushed just a little before mumbling something and jumping up. He left the kitchen with Kame’s laughter ringing in his ears. He could still hear Kame laughing even when he pulled out a set of clothes he always left in Kame’s apartment, and couldn’t’ help but bury his face into the shirt he was holding. Kame always found it amusing to tease him, and Jin would always end up a little embarrassed when the younger man did that.
When he came back out, Kame was just finishing washing and drying the dishes. The younger man looked up from where he was standing at the counter and Jin felt a strange urge to wrap his arms tightly around Kame and not let go for a long time, just standing there. However, remembering what he had planned for today and wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible, he settled for a long kiss with one arm wrapping around Kame’s thin waist.
“So” Kame said once they were on the street, a pair of sunglasses perched on his nose, “Where are we going anyways?”
Jin mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath.
“J~” Kame sing-songed as he took Jin’s hand in his. He was pleased when Jin didn’t try to take his hand away, or even look around furtively as if checking if anyone was watching. In fact, the only response Jin gave was looking up and gazing at Kame intently, refusing to take his eyes off of the younger man. His stare never left Kame’s face and Kame knew that Jin was reassuring Kame that he meant all that he had said the night before. The fact that Jin’s hand tightened around his instead of loosening further proved that.
A bright smile lit up the model’s face.
“Where are we going J?” he asked again.
Jin had to tear his gaze away from Kame’s smile so that he could answer and mumbled something. Kame strained to hear it and then he laughed, pulling Jin into a nearby alley so that he could lean up to kiss the older man, pressing him against the wall.
Jin grinned at Kame, a little dazed look on his face when they parted.
“Let’s see if I heard right: ‘we’re going to the band’s practice studio so that I can introduce you to the others because they’re nosy and demand that I bring you to meet them’” Kame laughed, “You sound like a girl bringing a boyfriend home to meet her parents”
Jin balked, “I am not a girl!” he looked sullenly at Kame, “You’re more of a girl than I am, you….you prima donna model”
“Of course not you’re not a girl” Kame said consolingly as they continued walking down the street, “Besides…” he shot a grin at Jin, “Maybe I have ‘parents’ you need to meet too” he said teasingly.
Jin stared, “What?”
Kame merely grinned innocently, “Yamapi has been talking about meeting you so that he can hit you if you turn out to be an asshole. Ryo just wants to hit you anyways”
Jin gulped, “Why?”
“…they heard everything from me last night” Kame said with a shrug, “Just like I’m sure your band heard everything after the concert”
“But why do they want to beat me up?!”
“Shall I leave you think about that?” Kame teased, “I’m more forgiving than they are…although the two you should be scared of are Tackey and Tsubasa. Although I’d be worried about Yamapi too…he’s been learning karate. Then again, Tackey can be downright sadistic sometimes”
“What?” Jin yelped, “Not only do I have to fear getting beat up by naked An-An boy, but three other people?!”
Kame examined his fingernails calmly, “Well, that’s what you get…after all, I’m the ‘girl’ aren’t I? A girl must have protective friends to beat up anyone who tries to date her” he grinned innocently.
“Hey!” Jin’s eyes narrowed, “This is all just revenge for me calling you a girl just now isn’t it?”
“Maybe” Kame allowed.
“Kame! That was mean! You really scared me!” Jin said, running to catch up to Kame.
Kame laughed as he tugged on Jin’s hand, “You’re too easy to tease” he said, leaning in so that their noses were touching. He really wanted to take Kame’s sunglasses off, but he decided to ignore them for now as he leaned in to kiss Kame. When he finally drew away, Kame smiled, “So, which way?” he asked, looking around the street.
“This way” Jin said with a silly grin at Kame as for the first time ever, he walked hand in hand next to the younger man on the street.
Before long, they were in front of the door to the practice room and Jin pushed the door open, holding Kame’s hand as he led the younger man inside.
“It’s Aka-chan!” the drummer called out, waving his drumsticks, “And guess who he brought~”
Kame raised an eyebrow, trying to keep down the urge to laugh. Jin looked mournfully at him, “Go ahead. Laugh”
Kame did so, much to Jin’s chagrin.
“They call you baby?” Kame giggled, “J~ you didn’t tell me about this!”
“Because that would give you even more to tease me with” Jin pouted.
“Oh, J~~ a new nickname for Aka-chan!” the guitarist grinned, “Thanks, Kamenashi!”
Kame hid a smile behind his hand as he said, “Kamenashi Kazuya, nice to meet you all”
“Polite too” the pianist nudged Jin, “J~~ introduce us!”
Jin scowled, “Who said you could use that name? Only Kame-chan is allowed to!” he glared and hit the pianist on the head, “Fine. Kame-chan, these idiots are the band. They’re not cool or anything like they’ll lead you to believe when they’re on stage. Don’t be fooled. They’re really just a bunch of losers, and they suck” he stuck his tongue out when the drummer hit him on the head, “You don’t need to know their names. I try not to even call them by their names. It encourages them to be clingy - hey, you do get clingy when I use your names!” he said, dodging a smack on the head, “You can call him #1, that one #2, and this one #3. Don’t ever use their real names of you’ll end up with a human puppy, I swear”
Kame laughed, “Interesting…”
#1, the guitarist, suddenly rushed up to Kame, “So~~ can we call you Kame-chan?” he asked eagerly, “Did you know that J~” he snickered at the look on Jin’s face as he stopped to make kissy noises, “ - has a whole collection of -”
Jin blushed as he pulled Kame away from his band mate, “Ignore him”
“Not only that, but he has -”
“Ignore him too” Jin said, putting his shoe back on after using it to hit the pianist, also known as #3.
“And did you know that -”
“Stop telling Kazu-chan things that will embarrass me!” Jin cried out, “You’re all mean!”
“We do it because you turn red every time” #2 said with a grin, “Hey, Kamenashi, have you ever seen Aka-chan turn completely red?”
Kame was amused, “I may have managed it once or twice…” he said mysteriously.
“And the fact that you knew he was completely red must mean you did it while he wasn’t fully dressed” #2 grinned as he wrapped an arm around Kame, “I think you and I need to share stories and -”
“That’s enough!” Jin cried, turning even redder, “Stop it!” he said, pulling Kame closer to him as though protecting Kame from his band mates. He blissfully ignored the incredibly amused expression on his boyfriend’s face.
“Well, you’ve all met Kame. Time for us to go now. Bye” he said as he dragged Kame out of the practice room.
“But J~~~” the three voices could be heard chorusing in protest as their lead singer left, “Come back~~ we haven’t even asked Kame-chan what intentions he has with you”
Kame waited until they were in the elevator before looking at Jin, “Pity. I wanted to ask what they were talking about”
“Kazu-chan!!” Jin cried, horrified.
“Who knows if I’ll ever need more things to tease you with” Kame said idly, as he traced small patterns on Jin’s arm. Jin was half distracted as he answered, “Trust me, you’ll never need more things to tease me with. You have enough” he said, shuddering a little at the sensation Kame’s fingers were making.
Kame stopped playing with Jin’s arm and laughed as he leaned on Jin’s shoulder, “You get teased a lot everywhere you go, don’t you?” he asked.
Jin was still blushing from all the teasing as he nodded, “They tease me at work, then you tease me at home” he said mournfully, “You all just love teasing me”
Kame paused, “I’d love to tease you more, but you just said something that distracted me. You said ‘home’” he said, raising an eyebrow.
Jin started.
Before he could open his mouth to explain why he was calling Kame’s place home, he found Kame’s lips on his and the younger man’s slim figure pressing up against his, pushing him against a corner of the elevator. Kame’s hands wandered to the nape of Jin’s neck, slowly moving up and fingers playing with Jin’s hair, causing Jin to let out a sound that was muffled by Kame’s lips on his.
The ‘ding’ signaling the elevator doors opening was what made Kame draw away, although not quickly enough and the errand boy shot them a highly suspicious look, which made Kame smile serenely. The errand boy flushed a little at the bright smile he got, but there was still a suspicious look in his eyes.
“Please excuse us. I have to keep counting to ten and check his heart rate and breathing” Kame said with a bright smile as he leaned forward, his fingers on Jin’s neck and his lips tantalizing close to the line of Jin’s jaw. The way Kame was breathing warm puffs of air on Jin’s skin was enough to make Jin squirm uncomfortably, wanting so much to let his hands travel all over Kame, but the presence of the errand boy stopped him. He looked through half-lidded eyes at the errand boy, wondering just when he would get off the elevator.
Seeing that gaze, the errand boy turned away, flushing.
Kame smirked at the red faces of both Jin and the errand boy.
“You even tease the errand boy - using me” Jin whispered quickly.
Kame smiled innocently.
“Tease? I don’t know what you mean” he said, looking up at Jin with wide, innocent eyes. Jin growled a little as he snaked an arm around Kame’s waist, waiting for the elevator to stop and the errand boy to get out, before he kissed Kame roughly, crushing the younger man’s lips with his own.
“I think you know very well what I mean” Jin countered.
Kame smiled innocently, “And if I keep denying that I don’t know what you mean?”
“We’re going to have a very long talk once we get home…”
“Will this talk involving kissing?”
“Definitely” Jin said without hesitating.
Kame grinned, “Then I think I’ll look forward to this long talk”
* * *
Later that week, they ended up at a restaurant for dinner, in a little table in the corner that they had happily sat down at the moment they walked in. Kame’s sunglasses managed to cover his face enough that he was just barely recognizable as ‘that guy in his underwear on the huge billboard’ and Jin’s head was pulled down low enough that with the lack of eyeliner and dark clothes and chains he was wearing, he could easily pass himself off as someone who just looked like the lead singer, Akanishi Jin.
However, despite that, they had garnered a lot of attention on the street and that was why the moment they saw the secluded little two-seater in the corner, Kame had immediately dragged Jin over to it.
Jin watched with a smile and a bit of a worried look as Kame began ordering from the waiter. Once again, he was feeling that nagging feeling from last night and he wondered what it was. It didn’t seem as though there was anything wrong with Kame - he was acting perfectly happy and Jin had been assured that the ‘relationship’ that Kame’s agency had wanted him to start wouldn’t happen now that Kame could tell his agency about his relationship.
The speculation the paparazzi had made concerning Jin’s apology and Kame’s departure from the concert had been enough to assure both of them that Kame’s agency would not do a single thing about forcing Kame into that proposed relationship.
As their food arrived, Jin raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t have any jobs this week?” he asked, as Kame had ordered quite a lot of food.
Kame paused before grinning, “It’s more like…it won’t matter how much I eat right now” he said, making a face and Jin laughed.
“Besides, I figured you’d be happy; you’re the one always complaining that I make you look like a pig because you eat more than I do”
“You do eat an abnormally tiny amount!” Jin said, pouting, “…except today” he added with a curious look at Kame, “I didn’t even know you could eat that much”
“I can surprise you” Kame said with a small little smile.
Jin thought he was imagining it, but he could almost swear he saw a flash of a worried look in Kame’s eyes before it disappeared and Kame was grinning at him.
That nagging feeling returned and Jin tried his best to shrug it off - there was nothing wrong with Kame that he could see, so why did he keep getting that feeling?
“What’s the matter?” Kame asked as he swallowed another bite of food.
“Nothing…” Jin said hesitantly.
“Is this about being teased by everyone again?” Kame laughed, “We only tease you because we love you, you know”
Jin beamed at hearing Kame say in an indirect way that he loved him, “I know”
He reached over to give Kame’s hand a squeeze, “I love you too” he said softly. Kame looked up at Jin with surprised eyes before a pleased smile made its way across his face.
Kame took a sip of the fizzing, sugary drink he had ordered and Jin raised an eyebrow again. That choice of drink was something Kame would normally never drink - mostly because the more he kept his weight, the happier the designers and those he worked for would be.
Kame noticed his look and shot a mischievous one at him, “Want a sip?” he asked, handing it out for Jin to take. Jin took a look at the drink before happily taking it and taking a long sip, “Fruity” he murmured.
“I know” Kame said happily.
“Also…has a bit of a really sugary taste. What is in that? It’s almost as sweet as cotton candy!” Jin exclaimed, looking in surprise at the drink, “I think I got a sugar rush from just one sip”
Kame nodded as he sipped it and once again, Jin saw a glimpse of that strange look cross Kame’s face.
This time, the nagging feeling returned full force and nothing Jin did could make it go away. He stared at Kame for a long time, before something about the expression that kept crossing Kame’s face clicked in his mind. He stood up abruptly, dragging Kame up from his seat. The younger man protested, surprise, but Jin didn’t let go, not caring that they could be recognized. He put more than enough money on the table and dragged Kame out of the store, drink in hand.
Once they were outside, Jin grabbed the drink noticing that worried and strange look on Kame’s face again, before throwing it in a nearby trash can. Then, he proceeded to drag Kame down a few blocks to Kame’s - their - apartment. Once inside, Kame wrenched his arm out of Jin’s grasp, irritation and worry creasing his features.
“What the hell, J?” he asked, glaring at Jin and crossing his arms over his chest.
Jin ignored the clearly pissed off aura Kame was giving off and dragged him out of the entrance hall and into the living room, where he took a deep breath and looked at Kame.
“Why?”
The one, obscure question, made Kame freeze and then tilt his head in confusion.
“Why what?”
“Kame…”
“What? I really don’t know!” Kame protested, “You’re acting weird, J! What’s going on?”
“You were forcing yourself to drink that extremely sugary stuff!” Jin accused, knowing that the expression he had seen on Kame’s face had been one of disgust and loathing at the taste, “I saw it! You clearly hated it! I mean, you usually barely eat a donut, why the hell are you forcing yourself to drink something you hate?”
“I didn’t hate it” Kame said stubbornly, although he wouldn’t meet Jin’s eyes.
“Yes you did!” Jin retorted, “You think I don’t know by now what face you make when you hate something?” he scoffed, “I may not see it often, but I definitely know it!” he said, bristling as though insulted that Kame thought he could fool him. He stared at Kame, eyes unblinking and then he asked, “What’s going on?”
Kame gave a shrug as he tried to get past Jin into the rest of the apartment, “You’re imagining things, is all” he brushed the question away quickly.
Jin threw out an arm to block Kame’s path, “Kazuya” he said with a low growl, clearly upset and determined.
“You’re imagining everything” Kazuya said, crossing his arms, “J, let me through”
“No!” Jin said, crossing his arms as well as he blocked Kazuya from moving.
“J!” Kazuya glared as he tried to move Jin’s arm with his hand, trying to bring it down so that he could get past the older man.
“Not until you tell me what’s going on!” Jin cried out, “I’m worried - does this have anything to do with your agency?”
“No” Kazuya said shortly.
Jin’s eyes narrowed, “It does doesn’t it? What’s going on? Are they really okay with our relationship?” he asked frantically. If the agency was letting Kame go because of the relationship he had with a man, he wouldn’t put it past Kame to hide it from him now. The younger man’s suddenly changed eating patterns this week confirmed that Kame was trying to put on weight and was hiding it, meaning that he didn’t want Jin to know. Jin wouldn’t put it past Kame to try to spare his feelings by putting on weight to lie that he had been dismissed from the agency because he had gained weight, instead of what it truly was.
“That’s not it” Kame said shortly and he was getting more and more impatient as his fingers dug deeper into Jin’s arms, “Get out of the way J”
“No” Jin said stubbornly, deciding to not let Kame go until he got all the answers. He wouldn’t let Kame deal with this on his own if that was what was going on.
“Seriously, J, let me go” Kame said, his voice hard and Jin almost flinched. It was a very pissed off Kame that he was standing in front of right now.
“Kame” Jin said pleadingly.
The younger man stiffened suddenly, and his nails dug painfully into Jin’s arm, “Let go, damn it!” he all but yelled, trying to push past Jin. It failed as he only ended up with Jin’s arm pressing against his stomach and Jin was sure he heard a whimper from Kame.
“Kame?” he asked in concern.
“J…let go please” Kame looked up with imploring eyes. Jin was taken back but he was still reluctant.
“Please” Kame said, “…I think I’m going to throw up…”
With those words, Jin’s eyes widened and his arm dropped. Kame pushed past him, running straight into the bathroom and Jin knew then that the younger man had not been lying about that part.
He stood in the doorway and then walked in, pulling strands of Kame’s hair back as the younger man emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet.
Jin was worried - very worried - but he decided not to question Kame while he was in this state.
He gently rubbed Kame’s back, still wondering just what was going on.
* * *
Kame didn’t bother fighting Jin as the older man let him into the bedroom, sitting him down on the bed, trying to comfort him for he still felt horrible right now. It probably showed on his face too; his whole body felt miserable. He could still remember the bitter taste in his mouth afterwards, even though he had brushed his teeth perhaps five times to get the disgusting taste out. He had felt too uncomfortable with that bitter aftertaste of stomach acid not to. He looked up at Jin, suddenly clamping a hand over his mouth, which made Jin sit up straighter.
“Kazuya?” he asked right away, “Do you need to throw up?”
“…no…” Kame mumbled, but he wouldn’t meet Jin’s eyes. He knew that at this point, he owed Jin some answers.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Jin asked quietly, “Although I think I can already guess”
Neither of them had bothered to turn the light off and Kame resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself as Jin pulled the shirt over Kame’s head, intent on getting Kame into something that didn’t smell of his own sick.
Jin’s eyes were downcast and sad as he looked at Kame, and the younger man looked away.
Two hands were placed on his stomach and Kame could swear he saw a glisten in Jin’s eyes that made his heart break. He determinedly kept looking away, figuring that if he didn’t see it, it wouldn’t hurt.
It still hurt.
Kame looked at Jin to see him staring at him, realization in his eyes and Kame sighed.
“I was hoping you wouldn’t find out” Kame muttered, playing with the edges of his boxers.
“What? That you lost so much weight in the time that we broke up that you must have been only eating once every few days for the past month and a half or so?” Jin asked as he looked at Kame’s much too thin body, “That you were probably so distraught over what happened and the fact that you thought I was ashamed of you that you worked yourself to death and forgot to feed yourself?” he guessed, “Because to you, working means not thinking about things that hurt and I hurt you?”
Kame was shocked that Jin could guess exactly what happened so accurately.
“Don’t look so shocked. I know you too well, and I should have known you would have done something like that” Jin said with a shake of his head, looking as though he wanted to cry as he kept running his hands over Kame’s thin form as if afraid that if he let go, Kame would disappear right in front of his eyes, “I should have known” his voice was shaking and Kame wanted to wrap his arms around Jin and tell him that he couldn’t have known.
“What would you be like if we hadn’t gotten back together this week?” Jin murmured as he traced a finger over Kame’s lips, “Kazuya…”
Kame stayed silent, staring up at Jin, suddenly feeling the urge to embrace him and tell him that he couldn’t possibly have known and that Kame hadn’t meant to hurt him.
“And then, so I wouldn’t find out, you go and eat way more than you can handle, eating foods you hate because they have so much sugar in them, you’d be sure to gain weight” Jin said softly, “Kazuya…I wouldn’t have hated you if you told me” he murmured, “I could have…you made yourself sick just to hide it from me”
“…because I know you” Kame finally spoke up, “And if you found out, you’d blame yourself and I didn’t want that” he said with a sigh, arms finally giving into the urge and wrapping around Jin in an embrace.
“So making yourself sick is better?”
“I didn’t want you to feel bad” Kame muttered under his breath. He was surprised when he suddenly felt Jin move and hug him tightly, strong arms easily wrapping around his body. There were no words said, but Kame got the message. Jin was scared - terrified that by not acknowledging Kame and their relationship before might have made Jin lose Kame forever, especially if it had continued and Kame drowned himself in so much work, so much forgetting, that he literally worked himself to death.
Kame didn’t think there was anything he could say to reassure Jin right now, so he let Jin hold him as long as he wanted to. Jin’s arms were so tightly wrapped around him that he almost felt as though Jin would never let go.
I don’t think I’d mind though…Kame thought as he leaned into Jin’s embrace. He had missed this; he had missed this so much when he and Jin had been separated. The feeling that someone really worried about him, the feeling that someone cared; he had worked so hard to try to forget and Kame knew deep inside, that in a way, he had maybe been trying to get Jin’s attention - to get him to notice, to do something to make Jin worried enough that he would come back because Kame’s own pride and feeling wouldn’t let him keep a secret relationship up. He had been trying to say he needed help. He had wanted Jin to come running to save him.
“I’m sorry” Jin murmured, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” his hands were entangled in Kame’s hair as he hugged Kame to his chest, “I’m sorry - if I hadn’t made you feel like…I was ashamed, you would never have been so hurt you’d neglect yourself so badly. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry”
“It’s not your fault” Kame said sharply, looking up at Jin, “This is why I didn’t tell you - you’re blaming yourself for something that was my fault”
“But -”
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine, alright?” Kame said with a smile at Jin, “It’s completely mine for letting my feelings get the better of me. So stop feeling guilty”
Jin didn’t look convinced.
“But it is my fault - I made you feel like…like you weren’t worth it!” Jin exclaimed, shuddering, “I didn’t mean to but I did and -“
“Stop feeling guilty” Kame cut Jin off.
“I can’t help it” Jin whispered, “Kazuya…I’m sorry”
Kame let out a frustrated sigh, “Jin…” he ran a hand through his hair as he looked at Jin, who had a stubbornly depressed look on his face. He knew that nothing he could say could reassure Jin that it wasn’t his fault; nothing that could be said right now anyways. He knew that he had been only slightly aware of doing what he did - he knew the reasons behind it. He had wanted Jin to come back. He had wanted someone to stop and look - to realize that Kame was beginning to feel…to feel unworthy, like he was something that could just be thrown away and no one would care.
After getting the tickets to the concert from Jin, thoughts of Jin had filled his head and then…he imagined the horrified look on Jin’s face when he realized the truth, and he had desperately tried to hide it, hoping to gain weight as quickly as possible by eating things he usually hated because of all the calories they had, so that Jin never found out. It obviously hadn’t worked as well as he’d hoped.
“Just never leave me okay?” Kame asked after a long moment, a little smile tugging at his lips. He knew that if he couldn't get Jin to forgive himself, then telling him how to get Kame to 'forgive' him would be the only way to get Jin to try to forgive himself. Jin suddenly smiled, arms tightening around his boyfriend, “I can do that. I planned on doing that anyways” he declared and Kame couldn’t help but give Jin a smile that made Jin blink and kiss him.
Jin was hovering over Kame, who was now leaning against the headboard as they kissed, “I’m a bit mad at you too” he admitted after a while, “I’m madder at myself than you because I know I hurt you so much to make you forget about yourself and lose so much confidence that you worked so hard to prove that you weren’t…shameful…but I’m still a bit mad that you pretended nothing was wrong” he said with a sigh as he hugged Kame to him, “It’s not fair when you decide to be strong on your own” he murmured, “Why can’t I help you be strong when I love you?”
Kame’s breath hitched, “Jin…”
“I want to help you Kame. Don’t hide things from me anymore” Jin said, looking straight into Kame’s eyes, “I don’t care what you do, even if it ended up being illegal or something, I want to help you whenever I can. Even if I can’t do much, I want to do something, so don’t be strong on your own. I want to be there for you, so let me?”
Kame closed his eyes and taking it as a confirmation that Kame would never say out loud, Jin leaned in to kiss him.
* * *
Kame was lying against him and Jin’s eyes refused to take themselves off of the younger man. Kame was half drifting off and half struggling to stay awake as his eyes concentrated on the movie playing. Jin couldn’t help but smile at the hand that was clutching his hand tightly, relaxing as Kame almost drifted off to sleep, only to tighten when Kame jolted back awake. To be honest, he was still worried about Kame; he almost hadn’t been able to believe what he had been seeing a month ago, when he realized what was going on.
Kame was strong, Kame wasn’t anything like those people who would hurt themselves on purpose because of one bad thing in his life. Kame was confident and determined, stubborn even sometimes.
But making Kame feel like he wasn’t worth it, may have been the thing to push Kame over the edge.
Kame, just like any other human, needed support to be confident, and Jin had almost brutally taken that away when he had let Kame believe he wasn’t worth it, that Jin, the person Kame cared about most, was ashamed. Jin still felt terrible, especially when he saw Kame’s still too thin form.
He still couldn’t believe Kame worked himself so hard that he had forgotten or neglected to feed himself. Jin pursed his lips; well, he wouldn’t let that happen anymore.
Kame’s eyes opened again and Jin smiled down at him, “Why don’t you just give up and sleep?” he asked, twirling a strand of Kame’s hair around his finger.
Kame yawned and shook his head, “Don’t want to” he said stubbornly, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes.
“I think you’re tired” Jin stated with a smile.
“Yeah, well, I think you’re imagining things” Kame pouted.
Jin laughed, “So that wasn’t a yawn I just saw?”
Kame pouted a little.
Jin laughed, humming a bit under his breath as he looked at the younger man and a hand found its way to Kame’s forehead, “Want to hear what I have so far?” he asked, referring to the sheet music he had on the table next to the couch, that he had been leaning over to write on every so often.
Kame smiled as he put his head on Jin’s shoulder, nodding.
Jin opened his mouth, singing newly written lyrics softly, the notes of the song already memorized after long hours of staring at them and as he sang, his hand stroked Kame’s hair, lulling the younger man into sleep. Jin’s voice reverberated around the room and that familiar voice was enough to make Kame relax almost completely, hand losing its grip on Jin’s as he struggled to keep his eyes open to listen to the whole song. Jin merely smiled however, and his thumb flitted across Kame’s forehead as he brushed strands of hair out of the younger man’s eyes, a tender note in his voice as he sang to Kame’s face that was becoming more and more peaceful and serene as he slowly succumbed to sleep. Finally, Kame’s eyes remained closed as his grip on Jin’s hand loosened, but fingers still interlaced with Jin’s even in his sleep..
When Kame’s head turned just a little on his shoulder, making it obvious that Jin was not going to move at any point and be his pillow, Jin looked down and smiled, “Sweet dreams” he said with a soft whisper, watching Kame sleep. The younger man shifted a little, the only indication that he heard what Jin said, and a content smile graced his lips in sleep as Jin resumed singing, determined to keep singing until his voice grew tired if it made Kame smile like that in his sleep. He would do it forever it he could.
-- END ---
And that's it =P I hope you enjoyed it!!!! <3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY again <3