[ Reborn ][ LuRyo ]
Fandom: Reborn.
Characters/Pairings: Lussuria/Ryohei, Yamamoto.
Rating: R.
Warnings: Porn and LOL.
Notes: Ryohei POV. Porn in which the word "extreme" or some form of it is used over a hundred times.
SO THERE'S THIS GUY, right, and he's sort of extremely creepy and he keeps LOOKING at Ryohei funny in the most EXTREMELY weird ways and wears EXTREMELY strange clothes (like dead pink birds or something) and keeps saying EXTREMELY weird stuff every time Ryohei walks by, like "your body looks just as nice today~ ♥" (like what, it would look different or something? totally not extreme) or "why don't you run around my block some more?" (like what, ten laps aren't extreme enough!?) or "you should come to my house sometime~ ♥" (like Ryohei doesn't have his own house, wtf?)
BUT ANYWAY so there's this guy (and he has extremely weird hair) and he keeps bugging Ryohei every single day while he's out doing extreme endurance training for the EXTREME BOXING CLUB (he's totally gonna be number 1), like he really really extremely wants to be Ryohei's friend but he's too old to be in school and join the EXTREME BOXING CLUB and have lots of EXTREME FUN with him so he just bothers him after school and ANYWAY so one day he's like, you should come to my house sometime~ again and Ryohei finally gets the extremely amazing idea that like hey maybe if he GOES then this EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY will stop BOTHERING him and let him TRAIN and stuff ('cause being bothered every day is totally stopping him from living TO THE LIMIT)
SO ANYWAY he goes and the whole time the extremely weird guy is telling him how extremely cute he is and how extremely nice his body is or something (and Ryohei's like of course it's extremely nice he trains for the EXTREME BOXING CLUB like EVERY DAY) and the guy seems extremely happy that Ryohei's his friend or something (he keeps making extremely happy cooey noises like old ladies do over puppies and stuff) and Ryohei feels kinda good about that 'cause it must mean the guy sees how EXTREMELY AWESOME he is and he's thinking maybe even though he's too old or something he could recruit him for the EXTREME BOXING CLUB even just as a fan or something and he's thinking maybe the two of them could go have EXTREME FIGHTS there just for fun (because they're friends now right)
when the guy pushes him against the wall and KISSES him and that's EXTREMELY WEIRD because that only happens in movies and it's extremely weird that it's happening now so Ryohei's like what're you doing? that's extremely weird and the guy like TACKLES HIM right like seriously just TACKLES HIM OVER onto a bed and they both kinda go flying and it's totally extreme and Ryohei's extremely excited 'cause it's like he just MET this guy and he ALREADY wants to spar and maybe have an EXTREME BOXING MATCH and that's totally the sign of a REALLY EXTREME PERSON
and Ryohei's trying to explain that there's supposed to be a RING and stuff and they're supposed to be standing up 'cause those are the EXTREME BOXING CLUB rules but the guy doesn't want to let him stand UP and Ryohei guesses this is some kind of weird OTHER kind of NOT AS EXTREME AS BOXING fighting 'cause the guy is extremely determined to get his shirt off and stuff and Ryohei figures what the hell and helps because you're supposed to fight in boxing shorts anyway
EXCEPT THEN THE EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY STICKS HIS HAND DOWN RYOHEI'S PANTS and that's EXTREMELY DIFFERENT from any kind of NOT AS EXTREME AS BOXING fighting Ryohei's ever seen before and he's all what the hell is that that's extremely weird but the guy won't TELL him and he starts KISSING him again and for some reason this time it's EXTREMELY DIFFERENT and it kind of feels good but not EXTREMELY so, not like BOXING or anything but STILL PRETTY GOOD like STEPPING ON A SODA CAN and hearing it go CRUNCH or something or okay, a LOT of soda cans
or OKAY maybe it's getting KIND OF EXTREMELY NICE but Ryohei still can't figure out how he's supposed to fight or WIN or anything and he's busy wondering about that when the guy sticks his OTHER hand down his pants TOO and Ryohei's about to shout and ask what the hell he's doing (because it's EXTREMELY unfair if only one person knows the rules or how to play) when the guy catches his mouth again in another one of those EXTREME MOVIE KISSES WHERE THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TO EAT EACH OTHER'S FACES OR SOMETHING and THIS time it's like PIPE BOMBS or whatever those little things Gokudera carries around
and it's pretty damn EXTREME, EXTREME like DINOSAURS or maybe extreme like one or two GIANT MECHAS or EXTREME LIKE TWO GUYS JUMPING OUT A THIRD-STORY WINDOW, like EXTREME enough to stun Ryohei for a second and then his back is hitting the sheets and his pants are being pulled OFF all the way and he's wondering when the hell the EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY had time to get EXTREMELY NAKED but he never gets to figure that out because the EXTREMELY WEIRD EXTREMELY NAKED GUY is totally pulling an EXTREMELY ILLEGAL move on him and pinning him down and the next thing he feels is an EXTREMELY WEIRD EXTREMELY SLIPPERY EXTREMELY STRANGE SENSATION in seriously extreme places he hasn't even THOUGHT about before
and then he figures the EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY is finally attacking him or something because it's EXTREMELY PAINFUL like that one time he'd been running EXTREMELY FAST and turned that corner at an EXTREME ANGLE and smashed into a wall he wasn't expecting to be there (which totally wasn't extreme) except it's not really wall-like and not really the same either but STILL EXTREMELY PAINFUL KIND OF LIKE THAT so he tries to sit up and hit the guy with an EXTREME PUNCH
except it doesn't work because it HURTS and the EXTREMELY NAKED GUY is telling him not to squirm around so much but Ryohei's not about to listen to some EXTREMELY WEIRD EXTREMELY NAKED GUY that's ATTACKING HIM RIGHT NOW with some NOT AS EXTREME AS BOXING move and the guy probably gets that because he pushes him back down again (THESE MOVES ARE SO EXTREMELY ILLEGAL) but then he starts kissing him AGAIN and somehow then it's not AS EXTREMELY BAD and he's doing something else with his free hand that Ryohei can't really see but that EXTREME LIKE DINOSAURS feeling is KIND of starting to come back and it gets up to about extreme like water slides
when the guy sticks his hands behind Ryohei's back and sort of PICKS HIM UP (SO EXTREMELY ILLEGAL, SO EXTREMELY ILLEGAL) and SLIDES HIM DOWN and Ryohei ends up kind of FALLING FORWARD and throwing his arms around the guy's neck because there's nowhere else for him to GO and he's about to start yelling at him when the guy MOVES and then he yells ANYWAY except it comes out EXTREMELY DIFFERENT from the way he meant it because he's kind of EXTREMELY SURPRISED that it still HURTS but then it kind of FEELS EXTREMELY GOOD TOO and the EXTREME PUNCH he was about to throw at the EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY'S FACE gets lost when the guy moves AGAIN and Ryohei's busy grabbing onto his shoulders for balance and closing his eyes extremely tightly and trying not to yell again
'cause there's too much to THINK about and it's all EXTREMELY CONFUSING and thinking about it is giving him an EXTREME HEADACHE and he doesn't know why it's suddenly so EXTREMELY HARD TO BREATHE and he can't even concentrate on FIGHTING any more because his mind's gone extremely blank and it's all just EXTREME HEAT and EXTREME PRESSURE like being inside an EXPLODING SHIP or being trapped in a TANK in some EXTREME WAR with BULLETS FLYING OVER HIS HEAD LIKE HE'S AN EXTREME WAR MOVIE HERO OR SOMETHING and he's hanging on for his life to the nearest thing which happens to be the EXTREMELY NAKED GUY, hanging on EXTREMELY HARD
except it's really NICE and Ryohei doesn't complain when the EXTREMELY NAKED GUY holds him tighter and who KNOWS if he's winning or losing or WHAT, but the guy keeps moving and it kind of FEELS like he's winning ANYWAY, feels EXTREME like winning, EXTREME like throwing the PERFECT PUNCH TO THE FACE, EXTREME like FALLING OFF A MOVING CAR, EXTREME like JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE, feels extreme like GODZILLA ROARING AND SMASHING TREES, EXTREME LIKE DINOSAURS ONLY NOW THEY'RE EXPLODING EXTREMELY AND MAYBE HE'S GOING TO EXPLODE TOO (BUT THAT'D BE A TOTALLY EXTREME WAY TO DIE) AND THEN HE DOES, and
What then? Yamamoto asks when Ryohei stops for breath, and Ryohei tells him somewhat sheepishly,
It was an extreme loss.
Huh? Why?
He said the one who explodes first loses!
Ohhhhhh, Yamamoto laughs, I get it now!
And I did it like three times --
Ahaha, sounds like a fun game!
and Ryohei pumps a fist and informs him,
It is! Extremely!
What's it called?
EXTREME BUTTSEX!
We should play it sometime!
YEAH! But not right now --
Why not?
'cause I told that guy I want a rematch!
And Yamamoto watches in amusement as Ryohei runs off, speeding down the block and disappearing around the corner -- then shakes his head with a sympathetic smile.
Ryohei, what a silly guy.
Yamamoto bets he's never even seen a real dinosaur explode.
Characters/Pairings: Lussuria/Ryohei, Yamamoto.
Rating: R.
Warnings: Porn and LOL.
Notes: Ryohei POV. Porn in which the word "extreme" or some form of it is used over a hundred times.
SO THERE'S THIS GUY, right, and he's sort of extremely creepy and he keeps LOOKING at Ryohei funny in the most EXTREMELY weird ways and wears EXTREMELY strange clothes (like dead pink birds or something) and keeps saying EXTREMELY weird stuff every time Ryohei walks by, like "your body looks just as nice today~ ♥" (like what, it would look different or something? totally not extreme) or "why don't you run around my block some more?" (like what, ten laps aren't extreme enough!?) or "you should come to my house sometime~ ♥" (like Ryohei doesn't have his own house, wtf?)
BUT ANYWAY so there's this guy (and he has extremely weird hair) and he keeps bugging Ryohei every single day while he's out doing extreme endurance training for the EXTREME BOXING CLUB (he's totally gonna be number 1), like he really really extremely wants to be Ryohei's friend but he's too old to be in school and join the EXTREME BOXING CLUB and have lots of EXTREME FUN with him so he just bothers him after school and ANYWAY so one day he's like, you should come to my house sometime~ again and Ryohei finally gets the extremely amazing idea that like hey maybe if he GOES then this EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY will stop BOTHERING him and let him TRAIN and stuff ('cause being bothered every day is totally stopping him from living TO THE LIMIT)
SO ANYWAY he goes and the whole time the extremely weird guy is telling him how extremely cute he is and how extremely nice his body is or something (and Ryohei's like of course it's extremely nice he trains for the EXTREME BOXING CLUB like EVERY DAY) and the guy seems extremely happy that Ryohei's his friend or something (he keeps making extremely happy cooey noises like old ladies do over puppies and stuff) and Ryohei feels kinda good about that 'cause it must mean the guy sees how EXTREMELY AWESOME he is and he's thinking maybe even though he's too old or something he could recruit him for the EXTREME BOXING CLUB even just as a fan or something and he's thinking maybe the two of them could go have EXTREME FIGHTS there just for fun (because they're friends now right)
when the guy pushes him against the wall and KISSES him and that's EXTREMELY WEIRD because that only happens in movies and it's extremely weird that it's happening now so Ryohei's like what're you doing? that's extremely weird and the guy like TACKLES HIM right like seriously just TACKLES HIM OVER onto a bed and they both kinda go flying and it's totally extreme and Ryohei's extremely excited 'cause it's like he just MET this guy and he ALREADY wants to spar and maybe have an EXTREME BOXING MATCH and that's totally the sign of a REALLY EXTREME PERSON
and Ryohei's trying to explain that there's supposed to be a RING and stuff and they're supposed to be standing up 'cause those are the EXTREME BOXING CLUB rules but the guy doesn't want to let him stand UP and Ryohei guesses this is some kind of weird OTHER kind of NOT AS EXTREME AS BOXING fighting 'cause the guy is extremely determined to get his shirt off and stuff and Ryohei figures what the hell and helps because you're supposed to fight in boxing shorts anyway
EXCEPT THEN THE EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY STICKS HIS HAND DOWN RYOHEI'S PANTS and that's EXTREMELY DIFFERENT from any kind of NOT AS EXTREME AS BOXING fighting Ryohei's ever seen before and he's all what the hell is that that's extremely weird but the guy won't TELL him and he starts KISSING him again and for some reason this time it's EXTREMELY DIFFERENT and it kind of feels good but not EXTREMELY so, not like BOXING or anything but STILL PRETTY GOOD like STEPPING ON A SODA CAN and hearing it go CRUNCH or something or okay, a LOT of soda cans
or OKAY maybe it's getting KIND OF EXTREMELY NICE but Ryohei still can't figure out how he's supposed to fight or WIN or anything and he's busy wondering about that when the guy sticks his OTHER hand down his pants TOO and Ryohei's about to shout and ask what the hell he's doing (because it's EXTREMELY unfair if only one person knows the rules or how to play) when the guy catches his mouth again in another one of those EXTREME MOVIE KISSES WHERE THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TO EAT EACH OTHER'S FACES OR SOMETHING and THIS time it's like PIPE BOMBS or whatever those little things Gokudera carries around
and it's pretty damn EXTREME, EXTREME like DINOSAURS or maybe extreme like one or two GIANT MECHAS or EXTREME LIKE TWO GUYS JUMPING OUT A THIRD-STORY WINDOW, like EXTREME enough to stun Ryohei for a second and then his back is hitting the sheets and his pants are being pulled OFF all the way and he's wondering when the hell the EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY had time to get EXTREMELY NAKED but he never gets to figure that out because the EXTREMELY WEIRD EXTREMELY NAKED GUY is totally pulling an EXTREMELY ILLEGAL move on him and pinning him down and the next thing he feels is an EXTREMELY WEIRD EXTREMELY SLIPPERY EXTREMELY STRANGE SENSATION in seriously extreme places he hasn't even THOUGHT about before
and then he figures the EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY is finally attacking him or something because it's EXTREMELY PAINFUL like that one time he'd been running EXTREMELY FAST and turned that corner at an EXTREME ANGLE and smashed into a wall he wasn't expecting to be there (which totally wasn't extreme) except it's not really wall-like and not really the same either but STILL EXTREMELY PAINFUL KIND OF LIKE THAT so he tries to sit up and hit the guy with an EXTREME PUNCH
except it doesn't work because it HURTS and the EXTREMELY NAKED GUY is telling him not to squirm around so much but Ryohei's not about to listen to some EXTREMELY WEIRD EXTREMELY NAKED GUY that's ATTACKING HIM RIGHT NOW with some NOT AS EXTREME AS BOXING move and the guy probably gets that because he pushes him back down again (THESE MOVES ARE SO EXTREMELY ILLEGAL) but then he starts kissing him AGAIN and somehow then it's not AS EXTREMELY BAD and he's doing something else with his free hand that Ryohei can't really see but that EXTREME LIKE DINOSAURS feeling is KIND of starting to come back and it gets up to about extreme like water slides
when the guy sticks his hands behind Ryohei's back and sort of PICKS HIM UP (SO EXTREMELY ILLEGAL, SO EXTREMELY ILLEGAL) and SLIDES HIM DOWN and Ryohei ends up kind of FALLING FORWARD and throwing his arms around the guy's neck because there's nowhere else for him to GO and he's about to start yelling at him when the guy MOVES and then he yells ANYWAY except it comes out EXTREMELY DIFFERENT from the way he meant it because he's kind of EXTREMELY SURPRISED that it still HURTS but then it kind of FEELS EXTREMELY GOOD TOO and the EXTREME PUNCH he was about to throw at the EXTREMELY WEIRD GUY'S FACE gets lost when the guy moves AGAIN and Ryohei's busy grabbing onto his shoulders for balance and closing his eyes extremely tightly and trying not to yell again
'cause there's too much to THINK about and it's all EXTREMELY CONFUSING and thinking about it is giving him an EXTREME HEADACHE and he doesn't know why it's suddenly so EXTREMELY HARD TO BREATHE and he can't even concentrate on FIGHTING any more because his mind's gone extremely blank and it's all just EXTREME HEAT and EXTREME PRESSURE like being inside an EXPLODING SHIP or being trapped in a TANK in some EXTREME WAR with BULLETS FLYING OVER HIS HEAD LIKE HE'S AN EXTREME WAR MOVIE HERO OR SOMETHING and he's hanging on for his life to the nearest thing which happens to be the EXTREMELY NAKED GUY, hanging on EXTREMELY HARD
except it's really NICE and Ryohei doesn't complain when the EXTREMELY NAKED GUY holds him tighter and who KNOWS if he's winning or losing or WHAT, but the guy keeps moving and it kind of FEELS like he's winning ANYWAY, feels EXTREME like winning, EXTREME like throwing the PERFECT PUNCH TO THE FACE, EXTREME like FALLING OFF A MOVING CAR, EXTREME like JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE, feels extreme like GODZILLA ROARING AND SMASHING TREES, EXTREME LIKE DINOSAURS ONLY NOW THEY'RE EXPLODING EXTREMELY AND MAYBE HE'S GOING TO EXPLODE TOO (BUT THAT'D BE A TOTALLY EXTREME WAY TO DIE) AND THEN HE DOES, and
What then? Yamamoto asks when Ryohei stops for breath, and Ryohei tells him somewhat sheepishly,
It was an extreme loss.
Huh? Why?
He said the one who explodes first loses!
Ohhhhhh, Yamamoto laughs, I get it now!
And I did it like three times --
Ahaha, sounds like a fun game!
and Ryohei pumps a fist and informs him,
It is! Extremely!
What's it called?
EXTREME BUTTSEX!
We should play it sometime!
YEAH! But not right now --
Why not?
'cause I told that guy I want a rematch!
And Yamamoto watches in amusement as Ryohei runs off, speeding down the block and disappearing around the corner -- then shakes his head with a sympathetic smile.
Ryohei, what a silly guy.
Yamamoto bets he's never even seen a real dinosaur explode.