Road Trippin' and Tent Pitchin' (Chapter 2)
Title: Road Trippin' and Tent Pitchin' (Ch. 2)
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing: Lee/Kara
Rating: PG13 for now
Spoilers: Post-Academy, Pre-mini, AU.
Summary: Lee and Kara decide to head off into the wilderness for one last hurrah before he starts his first posting after War College and she starts as Flight Instructor.
Author's Note: Much love to taragel for the beta and much brainstorming and general fabulousness! Credit also goes to pali167 for the prompt that started it all, and eugis for demanding a sequel, which then gave me the idea for making it into a multi-chapter piece. Special thanks for this chapter to rayruz who helped with the 20 Questions brain storming.
"Animal, mineral, or vegetable?"
“Unacceptable question - ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘I don’t know’ questions only, Lee,” Kara sighed, one hand on the wheel, the other plunging into the bag between them as she added, “So that’s three - seventeen to go. Oh, and - no, no, and no.”
“Three - that’s not fair,” Lee protested as Kara shoveled in a mouthful of cheese puffs. “How can something not be animal, vegetable, or mineral?”
“It’s totally fair. You asked three questions, I gave you three answers,” she reasoned. “No takebacks. And do you really want me to answer that last question - because then you’re down to sixteen.”
“No, not really,” Lee sighed, shifting a little in his seat. They’d been on the road for two and a half hours when Kara had suggested they play Twenty Questions. He figured the mental exercise might distract him from the increasing heat -the a/c had crapped out half an hour into the drive. Lee lifted his soda from the cup holder and asked, “Does it make noise?”
“Yup.”
“Is it bigger than a bread box?”
"If you do it right," she smirked. “Fifteen.”
“So, wait - is it something you do?”
“As often as possible. Fourteen to go.”
“Is it something that I do?”
“Not nearly enough, I’m guessing.”
He frowned. “Why do I feel like that was meant to be an insult?”
Kara grinned and snickered, answering, “I don’t know,” then declaring, “Twelve left.”
“What? Kara! That doesn’t count!”
“Totally counts. You asked, I answered, no takebacks.”
“Cheater,” he muttered under his breath, and Kara just chuckled like she was pleased with herself. “Does it cost money to participate?”
“Well, certainly not for me, but I don’t know about you.”
“Y’know, you’re not exactly following your own rules here,” Lee teased, smiling at her and fiddling with the tab on his soda can, wiggling it back and forth until it snapped.
She just scoffed and turned to him for a second, one brow raised questioningly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am the model of fairness and objectivity.” She reached for his soda, leaving a smudge of orange cheese dust on his fingers as she snatched the can out of his grasp.
Lee sucked the salty residue off his hand before answering, “You tell me you can only answer ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘I don’t know,’ and then you answer any way you please. How is that fair?”
She gulped down a few swallows, looking entirely too smug as she answered, “All’s fair in love, war and Twenty Questions, Leland. And I’m counting that as a question.”
Lee groaned and reached for the soda, stealing it back and wiping cheese dust off the surface. “And this is mine, Grabby Hands. We have a whole cooler in back if you want some.”
“Hello? Driving here,” she gestured to the wheel “Didn’t anybody ever teach you to share, Apollo?”
“Didn’t anybody ever teach you to ask?”
“Nope. Momma never did manage to make the manners stick,” she quipped, then added, “Ten left, Lee; better make ‘em good ones.”
“I hate you,” he muttered, letting his head thunk back against the headrest.
“You adore me.”
“Does it require a uniform?” She opened her mouth to answer, and Lee caught the telltale smirk again, so he cut in, “Regulation answer, Kara.” His lips curved into a smile despite his best efforts. “Follow the rules for once.”
Kara’s smirk turned into a mocking pout before she answered, “No. It doesn’t.”
“Do you need someone else to do it?” He watched her grin, and laughed a little, warning again, “Kara…”
Sighing heavily, she switched lanes, passed the car she’d been tailgating for the last ten miles. “You’re no fun, Lee. And no.”
“Can you do it with someone else?”
“Yes.”
“Is it triad?”
“Nope,” she replied, drawing out the ‘n’ teasingly. “Six questions left, Lee.”
“Okay, so,” he sighed, closed his eyes and tried to remember all her answers - frustrating as they were. “It’s something you do that doesn’t require a uniform or cost money, and you can do it alone or with someone else, and it… is bigger than a breadbox. That makes no frakking sense, Kara.”
“You forgot that it makes noise,” she reminded, crunching on another handful of cheese puffs. “Although, I suppose it could be quiet, too.”
He shot her a stupefied look. “How can an action be bigger than a breadbox?”
“I… don’t know.”
“Misleading answer; I get one question back.”
“No takebacks,” she reminded.
“You can’t quantify an action with a noun, Kara. It doesn’t work that way.”
She rolled her eyes, but ceded the point. “Fine. Six left.”
“I had six; it should be seven.”
“You had six,” she started, and Lee saw exactly where this was going, beginning to question whether he should ever play this frakking game with her cheating ass again. “And then you asked how a verb could be bigger than a breadbox. Which knocked you down to five, which I have graciously bumped back up to six. So. Six. Go. And make ‘em good, for frak’s sake. You suck at this game.”
“No, you cheat at this game,” Lee corrected, running the clues in his head again.
“Huh,” she murmured, and he glanced over to find her studying him, eyes narrowed, lips pursed just a little like she was weighing a decision.
“What?”
“I just thought of something, but I’m not sure I should tell you. And now you’re down to five again.”
“That. Didn’t. Count.”
She dissolved into a fit of giggles and then waved a hand dismissively before digging into the cheese puffs again. “Fine, fine. Six. And it’s both a verb and a noun. There’s your clue.”
“A noun and a verb?” He realized a second too late that he’d just asked another question. “I mean - frak! That wasn’t a question; that was a - a frakking clarification. That doesn’t count!”
Kara nearly choked on a mouthful of junk food, she laughed so damned hard. “Oh my gods, Apollo. It’s just a game. Relax. Yes, yes, that was a clarification. You’re still at six.”
“Just a game you cheat at,” he reminded, sighing again, and muttering to himself, “Verb and noun, we both do it, it makes noise, no money, no uniform, alone or with a partner-” And then it hit him, suddenly. He was playing with Kara mind-always-in-the-gutter Thrace, and he should have been aiming lowbrow the whole time. She certainly would be. “Is it sex-related, Kara?
Her lips curved into a wide, wicked smile. He was on the right track. “Yes. Five.”
“Is it sex?”
“Nope. Four.”
“It is part of sex?”
“Yes. Three.”
“It is foreplay?”
“No. Two.”
“Intercourse?”
She snorted a little, clearly amused, then answered, “Nope. One left.”
“Is it orgasm, Kara?”
“My gods, he actually got it,” she marveled mockingly. “Guess you’re not a Twenty Questions loser after all.”
“Yeah, you know why? Because cheaters always lose, Kara. You cheated; you lost. You are the Twenty Questions loser now.”
"There are no losers when it comes to orgasms, Lee. Unless, of course, you can't deliver."
"Hey, I can deliver!"
“Talk is cheap, flyboy.”
"What, you want me to prove it?"
“Absolutely; go ahead. It’s a long drive; I could use some entertainment.”
Lee almost choked on his soda. He couldn’t possibly have heard that right. "I... what?"
"Come on, Leland, you afraid?” she challenged, her gaze dragging over him, lingering over a certain personal area before locking on his eyes. “Too straight-laced for a little road head?"
Lee flushed hot, his overactive brain unable to resist conjuring that particular image. He swallowed hard, trying not to picture Kara behind the wheel, biting her lip and moaning as he… “I- I - that's... dangerous?”
And then she laughed, loud and satisfied, tapering off with a little amused sigh. “Relax, Lee, I'm kidding. Gods, you should see your face right now."
If anything, he’d gotten redder. Of course she was kidding. He sunk a little lower in his seat, mentally kicking himself for falling for it. "Well, one never knows with you, Kara.”
"Yeah, Lee. That's exactly what I want. Lots and lots of Adama-supplied orgasms. Please.” Kara rolled her eyes and adjusted her grip on the steering wheel; Lee had a sudden image of her gripping it tightly while he slid his hand between her thighs and-no. No. This was not what he needed to be thinking of. “Now, go. It's your turn."
"What?"
"Pick something! It's my turn to guess." She reached over, wrapped her fingers around his soda can and gave it a gentle tug. It was as close to asking permission as he figured she’d go, and he let her take it without protest this time.
Lee was still a little stuck on the idea of Kara and-as she so eloquently put it-“road head.” That was… a train of thought he needed to derail. Quickly. Before it started to have rather obvious effects. “Go,” he blurted, not wanting to get caught stalling, but still at a loss for a decent object.
“Is it a thing?” Kara handed the soda back, then popped a few cheese puffs into her mouth.
“Yes.” Nouns were safe; he could think of a noun in the next few seconds. Then Kara was sucking the cheese off her fingers before wiping them on her pants, and Lee’s mind slid straight back into the gutter he was trying to pull it out of. Frak.
“Is it bigger than a breadbox.”
Crap. He glanced around the car and settled on the cup-holder. Good enough. “No.”
“Is it expensive?”
“I… don’t know?” How much was a single cup-holder? You could buy the portable ones, he figured, shrugging and correcting: “No.”
“Okay…” Her brow furrowed in concentration, and Lee watched her tongue sneak out to wet her lips, wondered how that mouth would feel against his. Then immediately banished the thought. Cup-holders, just think of cup-holders. Nothing sexy about cup-holders. “Is it in the car?”
"Yes."
She snorted, rolled her eyes again. "Bet you picked the first frakking thing you saw. I’m officially declaring you a Twenty Questions loser again.”
“Yeah, well, it’s my choice, so start asking,” he muttered, frustrated with himself and his lack of mental self-control.” You have sixteen questions left.”
“Is it the steering wheel?"
“No.”
“The speedometer?”
“No.”
“The radio?”
“No.” Lee sighed, exasperated. Gods, she was just as infuriating when she was doing the asking. “Kara, you can't just pick things at random and ask."
"Sure, I can. You picked a lame-ass object and then gave it half away. If I want to use my last twelve questions naming things I can see-”
"Fine,” Lee interrupted, frustration spiking again. “New object. I’ll pick something more risqué, just for you.” Considering his mental state at the moment, it was playing with fire, but if she wanted dirty, he’d play dirty. Condoms, maybe? Yeah, condoms sounded good. “Go.”
“Is it a thing?”
“Yes.”
“Is it in the car?”
Lee hesitated for a second, thinking of the one tucked into his wallet. “Yes,” he answered carefully, then took another sip of his nearly-empty soda before resting it on his thigh.
"Loser,” she muttered again. “Can I see it right now?”
“No.”
“Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
"No."
"Is it Little Leland?" she asked, mock-whispering.
Lee felt himself flush again and wondered when exactly he became a blusher. Risqué had been a bad idea. “Okay, you know what-”
“What? It's in the car!” she smirked. “And if it's bigger than a breadbox, you've really been holding out on me, Adama."
“Just… shut up,” he muttered, trying to focus on the green woods of Caprica rolling by outside the windows and not ‘Little Leland.’ His lack of enthusiasm didn’t seem to slow Kara down a bit.
“And, I imagine, having trouble finding pants that fit."
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement, and turned his head just in time to see Kara reaching for his lap. He jerked away, nearly plastering himself against the passenger side door. "Kara!"
“Oh for frak’s sake, Lee, I'm grabbing the soda not sullying your precious virtue.” Sure enough, she plucked it from his hand and chugged down the last of it. Then she paused, looked at the can, and grinned at him. Great. “Is it bigger than a soda can?"
“No,” he muttered, embarrassed yet again. Gods, he needed to get his head on straight. This was ridiculous.
Kara winced in mock-sympathy, then cooed, “Man, I’m sorry, Lee. But trust me, it’s not the size of the boat, it’s--”
“Gods, do you ever think about anything else?" Lee asked her, maybe a little harsher than he needed to, but he was at his wits’ end.
“I thought I was the one asking the questions here,” she teased, and it was Lee’s turn to roll his eyes as he snatched the empty can from her hand, crumpled it up and tossed it down onto the floorboard. He’d recycle it when they stopped next.
“If you stay on topic, yeah,” he grumbled. “Frakking ask away.” Just as she was starting to ask if it was sex related, Lee spied a sign up ahead - REST STOP, 3 MILES. Perfect. “You know what, Kara, let’s put this on hold. Pull off up here; I need to use the bathroom, and eat, and get some fresh air.”
“Pfft. I can get it in the next three miles,” she postured, straightening up in her seat with sudden energy and focus. Lee had a feeling this was going to be the longest three miles of his life. “Answer the question.”
“What was-“
“Is it sex-related?”
“Yes.”
“It’s sex-related, and it’s in the car?” she questioned, turning to him with a curiously arched brow.
Lee’s ears felt hot. “Yes - and that counted.”
“That was a clarification.”
“Too bad.”
“Hey, I gave you-“
“Yeah, but first you cheated. A lot.”
“Oh, so if you only cheat a little bit, it’s okay?”
“Sure.” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so glad to see the off-ramp for a rest stop. “Counting that one, too.”
“Frakker,” she grumbled, but she was laughing. “Can it be used on Little Leland?”
“Can you please stop calling it that?”
“Can you please answer the question?” she parroted, before adding, “And what’s wrong with Little Leland? You prefer Wee Lee or something?”
“Yes,” he answered, quickly adding - “To your question. Yes, it can be used on a penis. And no, I don’t prefer Wee Lee,” he sneered. “Y’know, guys aren’t generally big fans of nicknames that belittle their manhood.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she chuckled, clearly not sorry. “Should I be calling it your Big Dipper instead?”
They rolled up to the rest stop and Lee was out of the car before she even had a chance to kill the engine. He made it several feet before Kara called out, “Is it that condom in your wallet??”
Lee faltered for a second, wondering how she even knew about that. As he heard a little kid at a table nearby ask his suddenly silent parents what a condom was, Lee flushed with mortification, mumbled an apology, and beelined for the bathroom.
Kara’s triumphant laughter and declarations of Twenty Questions victory rang out until the door shut behind him.
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing: Lee/Kara
Rating: PG13 for now
Spoilers: Post-Academy, Pre-mini, AU.
Summary: Lee and Kara decide to head off into the wilderness for one last hurrah before he starts his first posting after War College and she starts as Flight Instructor.
Author's Note: Much love to taragel for the beta and much brainstorming and general fabulousness! Credit also goes to pali167 for the prompt that started it all, and eugis for demanding a sequel, which then gave me the idea for making it into a multi-chapter piece. Special thanks for this chapter to rayruz who helped with the 20 Questions brain storming.
"Animal, mineral, or vegetable?"
“Unacceptable question - ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘I don’t know’ questions only, Lee,” Kara sighed, one hand on the wheel, the other plunging into the bag between them as she added, “So that’s three - seventeen to go. Oh, and - no, no, and no.”
“Three - that’s not fair,” Lee protested as Kara shoveled in a mouthful of cheese puffs. “How can something not be animal, vegetable, or mineral?”
“It’s totally fair. You asked three questions, I gave you three answers,” she reasoned. “No takebacks. And do you really want me to answer that last question - because then you’re down to sixteen.”
“No, not really,” Lee sighed, shifting a little in his seat. They’d been on the road for two and a half hours when Kara had suggested they play Twenty Questions. He figured the mental exercise might distract him from the increasing heat -the a/c had crapped out half an hour into the drive. Lee lifted his soda from the cup holder and asked, “Does it make noise?”
“Yup.”
“Is it bigger than a bread box?”
"If you do it right," she smirked. “Fifteen.”
“So, wait - is it something you do?”
“As often as possible. Fourteen to go.”
“Is it something that I do?”
“Not nearly enough, I’m guessing.”
He frowned. “Why do I feel like that was meant to be an insult?”
Kara grinned and snickered, answering, “I don’t know,” then declaring, “Twelve left.”
“What? Kara! That doesn’t count!”
“Totally counts. You asked, I answered, no takebacks.”
“Cheater,” he muttered under his breath, and Kara just chuckled like she was pleased with herself. “Does it cost money to participate?”
“Well, certainly not for me, but I don’t know about you.”
“Y’know, you’re not exactly following your own rules here,” Lee teased, smiling at her and fiddling with the tab on his soda can, wiggling it back and forth until it snapped.
She just scoffed and turned to him for a second, one brow raised questioningly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am the model of fairness and objectivity.” She reached for his soda, leaving a smudge of orange cheese dust on his fingers as she snatched the can out of his grasp.
Lee sucked the salty residue off his hand before answering, “You tell me you can only answer ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘I don’t know,’ and then you answer any way you please. How is that fair?”
She gulped down a few swallows, looking entirely too smug as she answered, “All’s fair in love, war and Twenty Questions, Leland. And I’m counting that as a question.”
Lee groaned and reached for the soda, stealing it back and wiping cheese dust off the surface. “And this is mine, Grabby Hands. We have a whole cooler in back if you want some.”
“Hello? Driving here,” she gestured to the wheel “Didn’t anybody ever teach you to share, Apollo?”
“Didn’t anybody ever teach you to ask?”
“Nope. Momma never did manage to make the manners stick,” she quipped, then added, “Ten left, Lee; better make ‘em good ones.”
“I hate you,” he muttered, letting his head thunk back against the headrest.
“You adore me.”
“Does it require a uniform?” She opened her mouth to answer, and Lee caught the telltale smirk again, so he cut in, “Regulation answer, Kara.” His lips curved into a smile despite his best efforts. “Follow the rules for once.”
Kara’s smirk turned into a mocking pout before she answered, “No. It doesn’t.”
“Do you need someone else to do it?” He watched her grin, and laughed a little, warning again, “Kara…”
Sighing heavily, she switched lanes, passed the car she’d been tailgating for the last ten miles. “You’re no fun, Lee. And no.”
“Can you do it with someone else?”
“Yes.”
“Is it triad?”
“Nope,” she replied, drawing out the ‘n’ teasingly. “Six questions left, Lee.”
“Okay, so,” he sighed, closed his eyes and tried to remember all her answers - frustrating as they were. “It’s something you do that doesn’t require a uniform or cost money, and you can do it alone or with someone else, and it… is bigger than a breadbox. That makes no frakking sense, Kara.”
“You forgot that it makes noise,” she reminded, crunching on another handful of cheese puffs. “Although, I suppose it could be quiet, too.”
He shot her a stupefied look. “How can an action be bigger than a breadbox?”
“I… don’t know.”
“Misleading answer; I get one question back.”
“No takebacks,” she reminded.
“You can’t quantify an action with a noun, Kara. It doesn’t work that way.”
She rolled her eyes, but ceded the point. “Fine. Six left.”
“I had six; it should be seven.”
“You had six,” she started, and Lee saw exactly where this was going, beginning to question whether he should ever play this frakking game with her cheating ass again. “And then you asked how a verb could be bigger than a breadbox. Which knocked you down to five, which I have graciously bumped back up to six. So. Six. Go. And make ‘em good, for frak’s sake. You suck at this game.”
“No, you cheat at this game,” Lee corrected, running the clues in his head again.
“Huh,” she murmured, and he glanced over to find her studying him, eyes narrowed, lips pursed just a little like she was weighing a decision.
“What?”
“I just thought of something, but I’m not sure I should tell you. And now you’re down to five again.”
“That. Didn’t. Count.”
She dissolved into a fit of giggles and then waved a hand dismissively before digging into the cheese puffs again. “Fine, fine. Six. And it’s both a verb and a noun. There’s your clue.”
“A noun and a verb?” He realized a second too late that he’d just asked another question. “I mean - frak! That wasn’t a question; that was a - a frakking clarification. That doesn’t count!”
Kara nearly choked on a mouthful of junk food, she laughed so damned hard. “Oh my gods, Apollo. It’s just a game. Relax. Yes, yes, that was a clarification. You’re still at six.”
“Just a game you cheat at,” he reminded, sighing again, and muttering to himself, “Verb and noun, we both do it, it makes noise, no money, no uniform, alone or with a partner-” And then it hit him, suddenly. He was playing with Kara mind-always-in-the-gutter Thrace, and he should have been aiming lowbrow the whole time. She certainly would be. “Is it sex-related, Kara?
Her lips curved into a wide, wicked smile. He was on the right track. “Yes. Five.”
“Is it sex?”
“Nope. Four.”
“It is part of sex?”
“Yes. Three.”
“It is foreplay?”
“No. Two.”
“Intercourse?”
She snorted a little, clearly amused, then answered, “Nope. One left.”
“Is it orgasm, Kara?”
“My gods, he actually got it,” she marveled mockingly. “Guess you’re not a Twenty Questions loser after all.”
“Yeah, you know why? Because cheaters always lose, Kara. You cheated; you lost. You are the Twenty Questions loser now.”
"There are no losers when it comes to orgasms, Lee. Unless, of course, you can't deliver."
"Hey, I can deliver!"
“Talk is cheap, flyboy.”
"What, you want me to prove it?"
“Absolutely; go ahead. It’s a long drive; I could use some entertainment.”
Lee almost choked on his soda. He couldn’t possibly have heard that right. "I... what?"
"Come on, Leland, you afraid?” she challenged, her gaze dragging over him, lingering over a certain personal area before locking on his eyes. “Too straight-laced for a little road head?"
Lee flushed hot, his overactive brain unable to resist conjuring that particular image. He swallowed hard, trying not to picture Kara behind the wheel, biting her lip and moaning as he… “I- I - that's... dangerous?”
And then she laughed, loud and satisfied, tapering off with a little amused sigh. “Relax, Lee, I'm kidding. Gods, you should see your face right now."
If anything, he’d gotten redder. Of course she was kidding. He sunk a little lower in his seat, mentally kicking himself for falling for it. "Well, one never knows with you, Kara.”
"Yeah, Lee. That's exactly what I want. Lots and lots of Adama-supplied orgasms. Please.” Kara rolled her eyes and adjusted her grip on the steering wheel; Lee had a sudden image of her gripping it tightly while he slid his hand between her thighs and-no. No. This was not what he needed to be thinking of. “Now, go. It's your turn."
"What?"
"Pick something! It's my turn to guess." She reached over, wrapped her fingers around his soda can and gave it a gentle tug. It was as close to asking permission as he figured she’d go, and he let her take it without protest this time.
Lee was still a little stuck on the idea of Kara and-as she so eloquently put it-“road head.” That was… a train of thought he needed to derail. Quickly. Before it started to have rather obvious effects. “Go,” he blurted, not wanting to get caught stalling, but still at a loss for a decent object.
“Is it a thing?” Kara handed the soda back, then popped a few cheese puffs into her mouth.
“Yes.” Nouns were safe; he could think of a noun in the next few seconds. Then Kara was sucking the cheese off her fingers before wiping them on her pants, and Lee’s mind slid straight back into the gutter he was trying to pull it out of. Frak.
“Is it bigger than a breadbox.”
Crap. He glanced around the car and settled on the cup-holder. Good enough. “No.”
“Is it expensive?”
“I… don’t know?” How much was a single cup-holder? You could buy the portable ones, he figured, shrugging and correcting: “No.”
“Okay…” Her brow furrowed in concentration, and Lee watched her tongue sneak out to wet her lips, wondered how that mouth would feel against his. Then immediately banished the thought. Cup-holders, just think of cup-holders. Nothing sexy about cup-holders. “Is it in the car?”
"Yes."
She snorted, rolled her eyes again. "Bet you picked the first frakking thing you saw. I’m officially declaring you a Twenty Questions loser again.”
“Yeah, well, it’s my choice, so start asking,” he muttered, frustrated with himself and his lack of mental self-control.” You have sixteen questions left.”
“Is it the steering wheel?"
“No.”
“The speedometer?”
“No.”
“The radio?”
“No.” Lee sighed, exasperated. Gods, she was just as infuriating when she was doing the asking. “Kara, you can't just pick things at random and ask."
"Sure, I can. You picked a lame-ass object and then gave it half away. If I want to use my last twelve questions naming things I can see-”
"Fine,” Lee interrupted, frustration spiking again. “New object. I’ll pick something more risqué, just for you.” Considering his mental state at the moment, it was playing with fire, but if she wanted dirty, he’d play dirty. Condoms, maybe? Yeah, condoms sounded good. “Go.”
“Is it a thing?”
“Yes.”
“Is it in the car?”
Lee hesitated for a second, thinking of the one tucked into his wallet. “Yes,” he answered carefully, then took another sip of his nearly-empty soda before resting it on his thigh.
"Loser,” she muttered again. “Can I see it right now?”
“No.”
“Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
"No."
"Is it Little Leland?" she asked, mock-whispering.
Lee felt himself flush again and wondered when exactly he became a blusher. Risqué had been a bad idea. “Okay, you know what-”
“What? It's in the car!” she smirked. “And if it's bigger than a breadbox, you've really been holding out on me, Adama."
“Just… shut up,” he muttered, trying to focus on the green woods of Caprica rolling by outside the windows and not ‘Little Leland.’ His lack of enthusiasm didn’t seem to slow Kara down a bit.
“And, I imagine, having trouble finding pants that fit."
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement, and turned his head just in time to see Kara reaching for his lap. He jerked away, nearly plastering himself against the passenger side door. "Kara!"
“Oh for frak’s sake, Lee, I'm grabbing the soda not sullying your precious virtue.” Sure enough, she plucked it from his hand and chugged down the last of it. Then she paused, looked at the can, and grinned at him. Great. “Is it bigger than a soda can?"
“No,” he muttered, embarrassed yet again. Gods, he needed to get his head on straight. This was ridiculous.
Kara winced in mock-sympathy, then cooed, “Man, I’m sorry, Lee. But trust me, it’s not the size of the boat, it’s--”
“Gods, do you ever think about anything else?" Lee asked her, maybe a little harsher than he needed to, but he was at his wits’ end.
“I thought I was the one asking the questions here,” she teased, and it was Lee’s turn to roll his eyes as he snatched the empty can from her hand, crumpled it up and tossed it down onto the floorboard. He’d recycle it when they stopped next.
“If you stay on topic, yeah,” he grumbled. “Frakking ask away.” Just as she was starting to ask if it was sex related, Lee spied a sign up ahead - REST STOP, 3 MILES. Perfect. “You know what, Kara, let’s put this on hold. Pull off up here; I need to use the bathroom, and eat, and get some fresh air.”
“Pfft. I can get it in the next three miles,” she postured, straightening up in her seat with sudden energy and focus. Lee had a feeling this was going to be the longest three miles of his life. “Answer the question.”
“What was-“
“Is it sex-related?”
“Yes.”
“It’s sex-related, and it’s in the car?” she questioned, turning to him with a curiously arched brow.
Lee’s ears felt hot. “Yes - and that counted.”
“That was a clarification.”
“Too bad.”
“Hey, I gave you-“
“Yeah, but first you cheated. A lot.”
“Oh, so if you only cheat a little bit, it’s okay?”
“Sure.” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so glad to see the off-ramp for a rest stop. “Counting that one, too.”
“Frakker,” she grumbled, but she was laughing. “Can it be used on Little Leland?”
“Can you please stop calling it that?”
“Can you please answer the question?” she parroted, before adding, “And what’s wrong with Little Leland? You prefer Wee Lee or something?”
“Yes,” he answered, quickly adding - “To your question. Yes, it can be used on a penis. And no, I don’t prefer Wee Lee,” he sneered. “Y’know, guys aren’t generally big fans of nicknames that belittle their manhood.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she chuckled, clearly not sorry. “Should I be calling it your Big Dipper instead?”
They rolled up to the rest stop and Lee was out of the car before she even had a chance to kill the engine. He made it several feet before Kara called out, “Is it that condom in your wallet??”
Lee faltered for a second, wondering how she even knew about that. As he heard a little kid at a table nearby ask his suddenly silent parents what a condom was, Lee flushed with mortification, mumbled an apology, and beelined for the bathroom.
Kara’s triumphant laughter and declarations of Twenty Questions victory rang out until the door shut behind him.