SS: Far Too Long
SS: Far Too Long
Pairing: Chris/Zach, though. Not really.
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1,000+
Summary: Zach has waited far too long for this.
Warning: Character death
Notes: So, this is the story that ate my brain. This is an AU epilogue to Thou Shalt Not Covet, eight years in the future wherein Zach and Chris never ended up together. Mopes ahead, folks.
Disclaimer: This is an AU of a piece of fiction. I made it all up. That means it's not real. If by some freak of nature incident that it does actually happen... well, that makes me sad.
***
Zach stepped back slowly, hand falling from the back of Chris' head. Chris hadn't moved a muscle, except to close his eyes, Zach examined his face. He looked unbelievably sad.
"Zach," Chris started out. Zach knew that tone of voice, it was something he never had wanted to hear come from Chris' mouth. It was the reason he had never said anything. "This whole time?"
Zach swallowed. Chris hadn't opened his eyes yet, but he found himself nodding anyway. "From the very beginning." Chris opened his eyes and met Zach's.
"You know, something in me back then thought so. A very little piece of me thought that maybe you were interested, that there was love there. It had been there for years, and it even stayed with me for a few after. But you never said anything. God, if you had then maybe everything would have turned out differently." Chris cleared his throat. "But you didn't, and here we are."
"Yeah," Zach's voice was hoarse. He stood unmoving, laid bare and staring openly, everything written on his face, at his friend for what feels like the first time ever. "Here we are."
Just then Farrah ran into the room, toddling on unsure feet, and Anthony darted in after her, hot on her heels.
"Sorry, sorry." The teenager said, short of breath, as he scooped the toddler into his arms. "She just got away for a second. I think her cousins are making her restless." He eyed the two men, suddenly wary of the tension in the room. "I think I'll take her back to gramma, whaddya say baby girl?" He tickled his little sister's stomach, making her squeal and hide her face in his neck.
Chris walked over and kissed the top of her head, smoothing back her light brown hair lovingly. "Go on, baby." He said, tweaking one plump cheek gently. Farrah looked up happily, sweet innocent eyes shining with love. Something dark inside of him twisted, thinking of how she'll never know her father. "Daddy'll be there in a minute, k?" He laid a hand on Anthony's shoulder, squeezing slightly, before nodding his head to the door.
Anthony took her back through the swinging door into the kitchen, where the rest of their family were taking care of the mess in there. Chris was so grateful they were there, his parents, his sister's family, Joe's mother, filling up the house with sound again. It had seemed so quiet the past three days, with no booming laughter or high pitched squeals of terror.
Anthony had been getting good at his practical jokes lately, and the person he had loved to play them on the most had been Joe. Chris will never forget the night he had laughed himself silly over finding Joe puking in the bathroom after the Fake Ice Cube event. The noises that man had made when he was on the receiving end of Anthony's torture were hilarious.
Chris smiled faintly, remembering. Then it faded with realization.
There will never be any more pig squeals in this house.
Zach raised a hand, about to reach out to touch Chris' elbow, then he dropped it listlessly.
"I'm sorry, Zach. But you've waited far too long."
The words twisted the knife that had been lodged in Zach's chest since the accident. He knew he never should have said anything, done anything. But the all-encompassing hurt was so intense, so agonizing, he had stupidly reached out for comfort in a way he had never, ever meant to. It felt like the worst betrayal to Joe's memory that he could ever accomplish.
"I'm sorry too, Chris. For everything."
The hand raised again and settled on Chris' shoulder. Chris made a sort sound, then Zach's arms were full of his best friend. Chris, who was shaking. Chris, who was breathing raggedly against his neck. Chris, who Zach had loved for so long he felt it everywhere.
Chris, who was pushing him away slightly.
"Zach, I'm really going to need you now." Chris looked up pleadingly, eyes bloodshot and face pale. "I can't deal with all this. Just. I need. The kids."
Zach pulled Chris back into his arms, rubbing his back soothingly. He shifted them a little, then fell back so they were sitting on the couch. He ran his hands through Chris' hair, over his back, making shushing noises as he calmed down. The ever present need whenever he was around Chris, touching him, was still there. It always would be, but he'd learned to live with ignoring it.
"Whatever you need, Chris." He said quietly. Chris clung to him a few more minutes, sagging into his friends embrace, then pulled back. Zach offered Chris the corner of his shirtsleeve, pulling his hand back inside of it as he wiped at his face. Chris stared back as Zach worked dilligently to remove the sweat, tears and snot he was sure was on his face.
Zach's touch was gentle, careful, the same it always was when he was touching Chris, and Chris knew he was stupid for not realizing before. There was a hesitance in the way he brushed his skin, as though he had to remind himself that it wasn't his to linger on. Chris pulled back and wiped his own hand over his face. Zach fell back against the cushions and rolled his sleeves up, looking down as he worked.
Something deep inside Chris twinged, something unrelated to the other hurt that burned through his body. It ached, a part of himself that he hadn't realized he'd been carrying around with him this long. It felt like hope.
And it was dying.
It was the part of him that up until this moment wanted to stay curled on the couch with Zach's arms around him for the rest of his life.
Instead, he stood and offered his hand. Zach took it and they both stood, staring at each other. A long time ago, it would've felt momentous.
They turned to the door and walked through it. The door swung a few times, then it settled into place like it was never touched.
Pairing: Chris/Zach, though. Not really.
Rating: G
Wordcount: 1,000+
Summary: Zach has waited far too long for this.
Warning: Character death
Notes: So, this is the story that ate my brain. This is an AU epilogue to Thou Shalt Not Covet, eight years in the future wherein Zach and Chris never ended up together. Mopes ahead, folks.
Disclaimer: This is an AU of a piece of fiction. I made it all up. That means it's not real. If by some freak of nature incident that it does actually happen... well, that makes me sad.
***
Zach stepped back slowly, hand falling from the back of Chris' head. Chris hadn't moved a muscle, except to close his eyes, Zach examined his face. He looked unbelievably sad.
"Zach," Chris started out. Zach knew that tone of voice, it was something he never had wanted to hear come from Chris' mouth. It was the reason he had never said anything. "This whole time?"
Zach swallowed. Chris hadn't opened his eyes yet, but he found himself nodding anyway. "From the very beginning." Chris opened his eyes and met Zach's.
"You know, something in me back then thought so. A very little piece of me thought that maybe you were interested, that there was love there. It had been there for years, and it even stayed with me for a few after. But you never said anything. God, if you had then maybe everything would have turned out differently." Chris cleared his throat. "But you didn't, and here we are."
"Yeah," Zach's voice was hoarse. He stood unmoving, laid bare and staring openly, everything written on his face, at his friend for what feels like the first time ever. "Here we are."
Just then Farrah ran into the room, toddling on unsure feet, and Anthony darted in after her, hot on her heels.
"Sorry, sorry." The teenager said, short of breath, as he scooped the toddler into his arms. "She just got away for a second. I think her cousins are making her restless." He eyed the two men, suddenly wary of the tension in the room. "I think I'll take her back to gramma, whaddya say baby girl?" He tickled his little sister's stomach, making her squeal and hide her face in his neck.
Chris walked over and kissed the top of her head, smoothing back her light brown hair lovingly. "Go on, baby." He said, tweaking one plump cheek gently. Farrah looked up happily, sweet innocent eyes shining with love. Something dark inside of him twisted, thinking of how she'll never know her father. "Daddy'll be there in a minute, k?" He laid a hand on Anthony's shoulder, squeezing slightly, before nodding his head to the door.
Anthony took her back through the swinging door into the kitchen, where the rest of their family were taking care of the mess in there. Chris was so grateful they were there, his parents, his sister's family, Joe's mother, filling up the house with sound again. It had seemed so quiet the past three days, with no booming laughter or high pitched squeals of terror.
Anthony had been getting good at his practical jokes lately, and the person he had loved to play them on the most had been Joe. Chris will never forget the night he had laughed himself silly over finding Joe puking in the bathroom after the Fake Ice Cube event. The noises that man had made when he was on the receiving end of Anthony's torture were hilarious.
Chris smiled faintly, remembering. Then it faded with realization.
There will never be any more pig squeals in this house.
Zach raised a hand, about to reach out to touch Chris' elbow, then he dropped it listlessly.
"I'm sorry, Zach. But you've waited far too long."
The words twisted the knife that had been lodged in Zach's chest since the accident. He knew he never should have said anything, done anything. But the all-encompassing hurt was so intense, so agonizing, he had stupidly reached out for comfort in a way he had never, ever meant to. It felt like the worst betrayal to Joe's memory that he could ever accomplish.
"I'm sorry too, Chris. For everything."
The hand raised again and settled on Chris' shoulder. Chris made a sort sound, then Zach's arms were full of his best friend. Chris, who was shaking. Chris, who was breathing raggedly against his neck. Chris, who Zach had loved for so long he felt it everywhere.
Chris, who was pushing him away slightly.
"Zach, I'm really going to need you now." Chris looked up pleadingly, eyes bloodshot and face pale. "I can't deal with all this. Just. I need. The kids."
Zach pulled Chris back into his arms, rubbing his back soothingly. He shifted them a little, then fell back so they were sitting on the couch. He ran his hands through Chris' hair, over his back, making shushing noises as he calmed down. The ever present need whenever he was around Chris, touching him, was still there. It always would be, but he'd learned to live with ignoring it.
"Whatever you need, Chris." He said quietly. Chris clung to him a few more minutes, sagging into his friends embrace, then pulled back. Zach offered Chris the corner of his shirtsleeve, pulling his hand back inside of it as he wiped at his face. Chris stared back as Zach worked dilligently to remove the sweat, tears and snot he was sure was on his face.
Zach's touch was gentle, careful, the same it always was when he was touching Chris, and Chris knew he was stupid for not realizing before. There was a hesitance in the way he brushed his skin, as though he had to remind himself that it wasn't his to linger on. Chris pulled back and wiped his own hand over his face. Zach fell back against the cushions and rolled his sleeves up, looking down as he worked.
Something deep inside Chris twinged, something unrelated to the other hurt that burned through his body. It ached, a part of himself that he hadn't realized he'd been carrying around with him this long. It felt like hope.
And it was dying.
It was the part of him that up until this moment wanted to stay curled on the couch with Zach's arms around him for the rest of his life.
Instead, he stood and offered his hand. Zach took it and they both stood, staring at each other. A long time ago, it would've felt momentous.
They turned to the door and walked through it. The door swung a few times, then it settled into place like it was never touched.