The Bawdy Tale of Sir Steven and His Hips (1/1)
Title: The Bawdy Tale of Sir Steven and His Hips
(as written by Sir Daniel Williams, long-suffering Knight-Detective)
Author: somehowunbroken
Fandom: H50
Characters: Steve/Danny
Word Count: 865
Rating: PG
Notes: ...okay, look, there are things you need to know before you start this: a) I have no idea, really, and I'm sorry; b) it's entirely shinysylver 's fault, and c) no, really, I'm so sorry. Because this? This is an epic poem about Sir Steven and his bawdy hips, and how he dragged Sir Daniel into his crazy life. Or something. /o\
The Bawdy Tale of Sir Steven and His Hips
(as written by Sir Daniel Williams, long-suffering Knight-Detective)
Our tale begins on a night late in March
When a woman bends over in pain;
“Jack!” she cries out. “Get the bag, hurry up!
I’m having contractions again!”
A man comes downstairs, a duffel in hand,
And walks to his poor pregnant wife.
He helps her to stand and to walk to the car-
So changes the rest of their lives.
For so born was Steven, the eldest McGarrett
To Jack and Rebecca that day, and
They knew from the start that he’d break lots of hearts
For his tiny hips wriggled and swayed.
As young Steven grew he stayed limber and free
And did tumbling and played lots of sports
And he never did notice the friends that he made
Always looked at his hips through his shorts.
By the time he turned twenty he’d started to see
The effects that his hips had on friends;
It didn’t seem to matter, he noted with shock,
Whether they were women or men.
His hips held in sway a collection of folks
Who might otherwise never have looked
At the tallish young man with that mouth and those eyes
But his hips - oh, they had people hooked.
It came time for Steven to choose a profession
And he chose both nobly and wise-
To become a SEAL, the bravest of soldiers
Was the goal that he chose for his life.
He trained long and hard and learned many skills
That he could put to good use-
But still, none compared to the tilt of his hips,
The way that they moved, free and loose.
So Steven went forth for to test out the power
Of his bendable, flexible hips.
“What fun I might have!” he thought, slightly giddy
As he danced to the swells and the dips.
It didn’t take long for the folks in the bar
To fall into a violent fight-
They couldn’t agree and they sure wouldn’t share
Steven’s talents in bed that night.
But Steven did spy with his freakish night-vision
A man in the corner alone;
A handsome blonde man with a detective’s badge
Who was yelling into a small phone.
Steven walked past the fight being waged in his name
And slid into the table’s free chair.
“I’m Steven,” he said when the man closed his phone.
“I really admire your hair.”
“Daniel,” said I, off’ring my hand,
Shaking his firmly in mine.
“You’re the one with the hips that I’ve heard all about?”
Steven smiled and looked away, shy.
“I’m not impressed,” I told him - it’s true!
“I’ve seen hips like yours before.”
Steven’s smile grew ‘til it filled his whole face,
So I added, “Yeah - on a whore.”
“Hey, that’s not fair,” he pouted at me
As if he could change my mind.
“You don’t even know me, so how can you judge?
I could just be all sweet and kind!”
I gestured a hand at the badge on his shirt-
The one that described him as SEAL.
“I know what that is,” I said with a poke,
“I know what comes with that deal.”
“But you don’t like my hips,” he said with a smile,
And for real, why did that make him grin?
I replied, “I’ve seen worse,’ trying to figure him out
But he widened his smile again.
“I like you,” said Steven, his eyes a bit wild,
“Will you join a task force with me?”
I frowned - just a little - and tried to imagine
The panic this goof’s life would see.
“A task force,” I said, my voice wisely cautious.
“I don’t know what to say about that.”
“Say you’ll be my partner,” Steven replied,
“And together crime we’ll combat.
“We’ll make safe this island from all who would live
In crime and decay and despair!
We’ll call ourselves Five-0 and put away murderers
And traffickers and guys with bad hair.”
“It does sound tempting,” I slowly allowed,
“But, Steven, answer me this:
How many times will we catch those criminals
With a shake and a bend of your hips?”
His answering smile was response enough-
“Then I won’t do it, I can’t.
I’m not gonna watch as your swing your hips ‘round
And make all the criminals pant.”
“Aw, Danno, you’re jealous,” he beamed, and - what?
“Danno?” I asked with a frown.
“A term of endearment,” he said, grin in place
As I kept my mouth firmly turned down.
The fight raged around us as Steven and I
Discussed his ridiculous plan-
But I suddenly found myself stricken with love
For this reckless, ridiculous man.
“It’s not your hips,” I repeated to him
As we stood to head up to bed.
“Whatever you say, Danno,” he crooned,
As through the room I was led.
And this I will say for Sir Steven the SEAL-
His hips are the bendiest things.
But he’s also loyal and deadly and kind, so
Remember his praises to sing.
And if you should find yourself on our fair isle
And in any trouble or mess-
Just call upon Five-0 and Steven the SEAL
And then lay your mind to rest.
(as written by Sir Daniel Williams, long-suffering Knight-Detective)
Author: somehowunbroken
Fandom: H50
Characters: Steve/Danny
Word Count: 865
Rating: PG
Notes: ...okay, look, there are things you need to know before you start this: a) I have no idea, really, and I'm sorry; b) it's entirely shinysylver 's fault, and c) no, really, I'm so sorry. Because this? This is an epic poem about Sir Steven and his bawdy hips, and how he dragged Sir Daniel into his crazy life. Or something. /o\
The Bawdy Tale of Sir Steven and His Hips
(as written by Sir Daniel Williams, long-suffering Knight-Detective)
Our tale begins on a night late in March
When a woman bends over in pain;
“Jack!” she cries out. “Get the bag, hurry up!
I’m having contractions again!”
A man comes downstairs, a duffel in hand,
And walks to his poor pregnant wife.
He helps her to stand and to walk to the car-
So changes the rest of their lives.
For so born was Steven, the eldest McGarrett
To Jack and Rebecca that day, and
They knew from the start that he’d break lots of hearts
For his tiny hips wriggled and swayed.
As young Steven grew he stayed limber and free
And did tumbling and played lots of sports
And he never did notice the friends that he made
Always looked at his hips through his shorts.
By the time he turned twenty he’d started to see
The effects that his hips had on friends;
It didn’t seem to matter, he noted with shock,
Whether they were women or men.
His hips held in sway a collection of folks
Who might otherwise never have looked
At the tallish young man with that mouth and those eyes
But his hips - oh, they had people hooked.
It came time for Steven to choose a profession
And he chose both nobly and wise-
To become a SEAL, the bravest of soldiers
Was the goal that he chose for his life.
He trained long and hard and learned many skills
That he could put to good use-
But still, none compared to the tilt of his hips,
The way that they moved, free and loose.
So Steven went forth for to test out the power
Of his bendable, flexible hips.
“What fun I might have!” he thought, slightly giddy
As he danced to the swells and the dips.
It didn’t take long for the folks in the bar
To fall into a violent fight-
They couldn’t agree and they sure wouldn’t share
Steven’s talents in bed that night.
But Steven did spy with his freakish night-vision
A man in the corner alone;
A handsome blonde man with a detective’s badge
Who was yelling into a small phone.
Steven walked past the fight being waged in his name
And slid into the table’s free chair.
“I’m Steven,” he said when the man closed his phone.
“I really admire your hair.”
“Daniel,” said I, off’ring my hand,
Shaking his firmly in mine.
“You’re the one with the hips that I’ve heard all about?”
Steven smiled and looked away, shy.
“I’m not impressed,” I told him - it’s true!
“I’ve seen hips like yours before.”
Steven’s smile grew ‘til it filled his whole face,
So I added, “Yeah - on a whore.”
“Hey, that’s not fair,” he pouted at me
As if he could change my mind.
“You don’t even know me, so how can you judge?
I could just be all sweet and kind!”
I gestured a hand at the badge on his shirt-
The one that described him as SEAL.
“I know what that is,” I said with a poke,
“I know what comes with that deal.”
“But you don’t like my hips,” he said with a smile,
And for real, why did that make him grin?
I replied, “I’ve seen worse,’ trying to figure him out
But he widened his smile again.
“I like you,” said Steven, his eyes a bit wild,
“Will you join a task force with me?”
I frowned - just a little - and tried to imagine
The panic this goof’s life would see.
“A task force,” I said, my voice wisely cautious.
“I don’t know what to say about that.”
“Say you’ll be my partner,” Steven replied,
“And together crime we’ll combat.
“We’ll make safe this island from all who would live
In crime and decay and despair!
We’ll call ourselves Five-0 and put away murderers
And traffickers and guys with bad hair.”
“It does sound tempting,” I slowly allowed,
“But, Steven, answer me this:
How many times will we catch those criminals
With a shake and a bend of your hips?”
His answering smile was response enough-
“Then I won’t do it, I can’t.
I’m not gonna watch as your swing your hips ‘round
And make all the criminals pant.”
“Aw, Danno, you’re jealous,” he beamed, and - what?
“Danno?” I asked with a frown.
“A term of endearment,” he said, grin in place
As I kept my mouth firmly turned down.
The fight raged around us as Steven and I
Discussed his ridiculous plan-
But I suddenly found myself stricken with love
For this reckless, ridiculous man.
“It’s not your hips,” I repeated to him
As we stood to head up to bed.
“Whatever you say, Danno,” he crooned,
As through the room I was led.
And this I will say for Sir Steven the SEAL-
His hips are the bendiest things.
But he’s also loyal and deadly and kind, so
Remember his praises to sing.
And if you should find yourself on our fair isle
And in any trouble or mess-
Just call upon Five-0 and Steven the SEAL
And then lay your mind to rest.