[FIC] (Baseball) Insanity Ensures When You Fall For Him
Title: Insanity Ensures When You Fall For Him
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Alex Rodriguez/Derek Jeter (NYY)
Summary: He did, he didn't, now he does but he...
Disclaimer: Nothing here is true because it's all in my head.
Notes: I like writing fics on lined paper at work so I found this and finally typed it up. Set in May/June of 2007 with the StrayRod incident in Toronto. This is non-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine (and will be appreciated if someone pointed any out). This is probably part one of something bigger.
Notes 2: This is 079. When?, part of fanfic100 and the table is here. Originally posted here.
Derek impatiently knocks on Alex's hotel room door. He looks down both sides of the hallway as he waits for someone to open the door. The door swings wide open and it is Cano who greets Derek.
“Is Alex here?” Derek sticks his head into the doorway.
Cano nods. “Be my guest. I'll go bug Jorge,” he winks at Derek then leaves the room. Derek isn’t sure at all what the wink is for. The kid sometimes does weird shit that no one can explain, so they leave him be.
“Alex?” Derek quietly calls out. Derek finds him sitting cross-legged on his bed.
“What,” he continues to flip through the different channels on TV, “do you want?”
“We need to talk,” Derek replies and sits down on Cano's bed.
“No, we don't. There’s nothing to talk about,” says Alex without taking his eyes off the TV screen.
“Yes, there is. This is serious, Alex.”
“I told you,” he grits his teeth, “there's nothing to talk about.”
Derek tries to keep his temper down. There is no point getting mad over Alex's stupid bratty behaviours. He should be used to it by now. “Listen, you little twat. This is my team and I'm not going to let your little antics make things worst.”
“Oh, that again,” Alex rolls his eyes. “Look, I've said what I need to say to Joe already. I've apologized to the team, and I don't see the need to address this again. This means I have nothing left to say, and nothing to say to you either.”
“I'm here to help. I just want to help. I just want to know what happened.”
“So you can throw back to my face? Well guess what? I don't need your help,” Alex yells back angrily. “Not anymore,” he then mutters quietly.
“Alex, I'm your friend, not your enemy. I just want to help you. You used to,” Derek trails off.
“Well I 'used to' a lot of things. I 'used to' be a stupid kid. I 'used to' be in love with you.”
Derek laughs. “You still are a stupid kid. And you used to not cheat on your wife.”
“Not with a woman. Or get caught.”
They sit on the two separate beds in silence. Derek suddenly has a flashback to all the times... but Alex interrupts him from going further down memory lane.
“Der, I already have everything I want. I'm playing baseball for a shitload of money. I bought my mom a house we never would have imagined. I have a wife and a daughter. I used to want, want, want. And now I have, have, have. I’m not the same kid anymore.”
“You won't have any of that if you keep sleeping around like that,” says Derek, knowing that this time Alex hung out with strippers and not whatever else.
Derek looks to his left and waits for some kind of reaction from Alex but none came. Alex acts like he wants to say something but doesn't.
But then Alex turns to Derek. “You know, there is still one more thing I want. But I know I will never have it.”
“What?” Derek frowns.
“For you to love someone so much that it hurts, but they don't love you back. I want you to feel that pain, that want, that need,” says Alex with a huge grin.
Derek's body shakes from the shock. Of all the things he expected Alex to say, this isn't one of them. “What makes you think I haven't felt that,” Derek replies with a deep growl.
“Because I know you,” Alex smiles again. “Those girls - you never really loved them. You thought you did, you really tried to - that I know. But all of them - they were just long,” he pauses, “flames.”
“Because you’re a very, very loving man. I can see it now.” Alex’s hand ghosts the headline, “Extra, extra! Derek Jeter actually has a heart! Sunday, Sunday on New York Post!”
“Shut up, Alex.” Derek is so tired of Alex when he’s like this. “Just because I never stay with them for long doesn’t mean I never cared for them,” Derek shouts. He can’t believe he is hearing this, and from Alex too.
“Caring isn’t the same as loving. I care about my teammates doesn’t mean I love them.” When Alex heard no reply he continues, “Then tell me. I dare you to tell me who this person is. We’re friends right?” Alex says with a smirk. Derek knows Alex is throwing the friends phrase right back at his face.
Derek slides off the bed and heads towards the door. He stops without turning around and says, “I thought we were. I guess not.”
“Hey, c’mon. We are friends, really good friends in fact.”
Derek can hear the sarcasm dripping from those words. He was right all along, there is nothing left between Alex and him. “Then I’d appreciate it a lot if you don’t ask me about it.”
“You can’t leave me hanging like this, Derek.” Alex whines. Derek almost snorts upon hearing that phrase.
Derek tenses up when he feels Alex shadowing behind him. “Don’t make me say it,” begs Derek. I promise you we’ll regret this moment, Derek wants to say, but obviously can’t.
“Why? Is it because it’s me?”
Derek squeezes his eyes shut and holds his breath. “What if it was?”
“Then I’d say I don’t believe you,” hisses Alex.
“Then don’t, Alex. Just don’t.” Derek turns the knob and pulls the door open.
“Wait,” Alex immediately grabs onto the door and stops it before Derek can get out. “Don’t bullshit me, Der.”
“For once, I’m not bullshitting you. You asked and I answered. End of story.”
“But you can’t.”
“Can’t what, Alex?”
“You,” Alex chokes, “can’t be in love with me. You can’t be in love with anything. That’s not fair. You just can’t suddenly,” his sentence shortens as Alex finds support against the wall.
Derek thinks it is wise to close the door now. He doesn’t need any more dirty laundry airing out in the open. “But I can. Fuck, I’m in love with you.” He laughs and puts his hand through his hair. “God, it feels so good to say that out loud.”
Alex looks up and stares at Derek. “How long?”
“I don’t know. I guess somewhere between you signing here and the All Star Game?” Derek shrugs.
Alex’s eyes widen. “But that’s only, what, a year?”
“I don’t know. Fuck. It hit me like a fucking train when I realized it. You have no idea what that feels.”
“I think I do, Der,” says Alex dryly.
“No, no you don’t. Because it’s fucking insane. That’s what it is. I’ve known you for what, half my life? And all this time it was you.”
“But it’s too late,” Alex whispers numbly.
“That’s what’s killing me. All this time it was you! And you loved me for so long and so many times and then I realize that maybe I could have done something but I was stupid this whole time and finally when I realized I am in love with you and this time I can’t do anything at all to change this.” Derek slides down to the door, resting against the door. He should have kept his mouth shut. He’s kept secrets and shit before, why is he babbling out this now? Alex is supposed to be the train wreck, not him.
Derek is sure he was ready to bash his head against the wall or something. He is in love with Alex Rodriguez after all. Anyone sane enough to love Alex always ends up insane - minus Cynthia, Derek hopes.
“So what now?” Alex asks.
“I’ll stand up, walk out of here and we’ll pretend this conversation never happened. And you can fuck whatever you want so long you don’t disrupt my team.”
“You know what? Fine, I’ll listen to you this time because this is your team and I’m supposed to be a team player, and not because we’re friends.”
Derek pushes himself off the ground. “I’ll tell Cano to come back then.”
He closes the door behind him and gulps down the plentiful fresh air. He takes one final deep breath before heading back to his room.
Derek opens the door to his hotel room and isn’t surprised to find it unlocked. Cano looks up and cocks his head at Derek as he hops off the bed. Jorge sends laser beams at Cano so the kid walks out without saying anything.
Derek can tell Jorge is waiting for him to say something, but of course Derek doesn’t. Jorge will never ask either. Half the time Derek thinks he already knows what’s going on.
And this time Derek will let Jorge guess because there is no way he can give a repeat performance because he is so emotionally drained. And fuck, it was way too embarrassing to repeat what happened. He pulls the cover over as he gets into bed and squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t dare to even say good night to Jorge. He just wants it to be the next day so both of them can pretend nothing happened tonight. It'll all be fine tomorrow, Derek tells himself.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Alex Rodriguez/Derek Jeter (NYY)
Summary: He did, he didn't, now he does but he...
Disclaimer: Nothing here is true because it's all in my head.
Notes: I like writing fics on lined paper at work so I found this and finally typed it up. Set in May/June of 2007 with the StrayRod incident in Toronto. This is non-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine (and will be appreciated if someone pointed any out). This is probably part one of something bigger.
Notes 2: This is 079. When?, part of fanfic100 and the table is here. Originally posted here.
Derek impatiently knocks on Alex's hotel room door. He looks down both sides of the hallway as he waits for someone to open the door. The door swings wide open and it is Cano who greets Derek.
“Is Alex here?” Derek sticks his head into the doorway.
Cano nods. “Be my guest. I'll go bug Jorge,” he winks at Derek then leaves the room. Derek isn’t sure at all what the wink is for. The kid sometimes does weird shit that no one can explain, so they leave him be.
“Alex?” Derek quietly calls out. Derek finds him sitting cross-legged on his bed.
“What,” he continues to flip through the different channels on TV, “do you want?”
“We need to talk,” Derek replies and sits down on Cano's bed.
“No, we don't. There’s nothing to talk about,” says Alex without taking his eyes off the TV screen.
“Yes, there is. This is serious, Alex.”
“I told you,” he grits his teeth, “there's nothing to talk about.”
Derek tries to keep his temper down. There is no point getting mad over Alex's stupid bratty behaviours. He should be used to it by now. “Listen, you little twat. This is my team and I'm not going to let your little antics make things worst.”
“Oh, that again,” Alex rolls his eyes. “Look, I've said what I need to say to Joe already. I've apologized to the team, and I don't see the need to address this again. This means I have nothing left to say, and nothing to say to you either.”
“I'm here to help. I just want to help. I just want to know what happened.”
“So you can throw back to my face? Well guess what? I don't need your help,” Alex yells back angrily. “Not anymore,” he then mutters quietly.
“Alex, I'm your friend, not your enemy. I just want to help you. You used to,” Derek trails off.
“Well I 'used to' a lot of things. I 'used to' be a stupid kid. I 'used to' be in love with you.”
Derek laughs. “You still are a stupid kid. And you used to not cheat on your wife.”
“Not with a woman. Or get caught.”
They sit on the two separate beds in silence. Derek suddenly has a flashback to all the times... but Alex interrupts him from going further down memory lane.
“Der, I already have everything I want. I'm playing baseball for a shitload of money. I bought my mom a house we never would have imagined. I have a wife and a daughter. I used to want, want, want. And now I have, have, have. I’m not the same kid anymore.”
“You won't have any of that if you keep sleeping around like that,” says Derek, knowing that this time Alex hung out with strippers and not whatever else.
Derek looks to his left and waits for some kind of reaction from Alex but none came. Alex acts like he wants to say something but doesn't.
But then Alex turns to Derek. “You know, there is still one more thing I want. But I know I will never have it.”
“What?” Derek frowns.
“For you to love someone so much that it hurts, but they don't love you back. I want you to feel that pain, that want, that need,” says Alex with a huge grin.
Derek's body shakes from the shock. Of all the things he expected Alex to say, this isn't one of them. “What makes you think I haven't felt that,” Derek replies with a deep growl.
“Because I know you,” Alex smiles again. “Those girls - you never really loved them. You thought you did, you really tried to - that I know. But all of them - they were just long,” he pauses, “flames.”
“Because you’re a very, very loving man. I can see it now.” Alex’s hand ghosts the headline, “Extra, extra! Derek Jeter actually has a heart! Sunday, Sunday on New York Post!”
“Shut up, Alex.” Derek is so tired of Alex when he’s like this. “Just because I never stay with them for long doesn’t mean I never cared for them,” Derek shouts. He can’t believe he is hearing this, and from Alex too.
“Caring isn’t the same as loving. I care about my teammates doesn’t mean I love them.” When Alex heard no reply he continues, “Then tell me. I dare you to tell me who this person is. We’re friends right?” Alex says with a smirk. Derek knows Alex is throwing the friends phrase right back at his face.
Derek slides off the bed and heads towards the door. He stops without turning around and says, “I thought we were. I guess not.”
“Hey, c’mon. We are friends, really good friends in fact.”
Derek can hear the sarcasm dripping from those words. He was right all along, there is nothing left between Alex and him. “Then I’d appreciate it a lot if you don’t ask me about it.”
“You can’t leave me hanging like this, Derek.” Alex whines. Derek almost snorts upon hearing that phrase.
Derek tenses up when he feels Alex shadowing behind him. “Don’t make me say it,” begs Derek. I promise you we’ll regret this moment, Derek wants to say, but obviously can’t.
“Why? Is it because it’s me?”
Derek squeezes his eyes shut and holds his breath. “What if it was?”
“Then I’d say I don’t believe you,” hisses Alex.
“Then don’t, Alex. Just don’t.” Derek turns the knob and pulls the door open.
“Wait,” Alex immediately grabs onto the door and stops it before Derek can get out. “Don’t bullshit me, Der.”
“For once, I’m not bullshitting you. You asked and I answered. End of story.”
“But you can’t.”
“Can’t what, Alex?”
“You,” Alex chokes, “can’t be in love with me. You can’t be in love with anything. That’s not fair. You just can’t suddenly,” his sentence shortens as Alex finds support against the wall.
Derek thinks it is wise to close the door now. He doesn’t need any more dirty laundry airing out in the open. “But I can. Fuck, I’m in love with you.” He laughs and puts his hand through his hair. “God, it feels so good to say that out loud.”
Alex looks up and stares at Derek. “How long?”
“I don’t know. I guess somewhere between you signing here and the All Star Game?” Derek shrugs.
Alex’s eyes widen. “But that’s only, what, a year?”
“I don’t know. Fuck. It hit me like a fucking train when I realized it. You have no idea what that feels.”
“I think I do, Der,” says Alex dryly.
“No, no you don’t. Because it’s fucking insane. That’s what it is. I’ve known you for what, half my life? And all this time it was you.”
“But it’s too late,” Alex whispers numbly.
“That’s what’s killing me. All this time it was you! And you loved me for so long and so many times and then I realize that maybe I could have done something but I was stupid this whole time and finally when I realized I am in love with you and this time I can’t do anything at all to change this.” Derek slides down to the door, resting against the door. He should have kept his mouth shut. He’s kept secrets and shit before, why is he babbling out this now? Alex is supposed to be the train wreck, not him.
Derek is sure he was ready to bash his head against the wall or something. He is in love with Alex Rodriguez after all. Anyone sane enough to love Alex always ends up insane - minus Cynthia, Derek hopes.
“So what now?” Alex asks.
“I’ll stand up, walk out of here and we’ll pretend this conversation never happened. And you can fuck whatever you want so long you don’t disrupt my team.”
“You know what? Fine, I’ll listen to you this time because this is your team and I’m supposed to be a team player, and not because we’re friends.”
Derek pushes himself off the ground. “I’ll tell Cano to come back then.”
He closes the door behind him and gulps down the plentiful fresh air. He takes one final deep breath before heading back to his room.
Derek opens the door to his hotel room and isn’t surprised to find it unlocked. Cano looks up and cocks his head at Derek as he hops off the bed. Jorge sends laser beams at Cano so the kid walks out without saying anything.
Derek can tell Jorge is waiting for him to say something, but of course Derek doesn’t. Jorge will never ask either. Half the time Derek thinks he already knows what’s going on.
And this time Derek will let Jorge guess because there is no way he can give a repeat performance because he is so emotionally drained. And fuck, it was way too embarrassing to repeat what happened. He pulls the cover over as he gets into bed and squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t dare to even say good night to Jorge. He just wants it to be the next day so both of them can pretend nothing happened tonight. It'll all be fine tomorrow, Derek tells himself.