(no subject)
So tired already. I wish Christmas would just go away.
Finally managed to watch last weekend's Merlin, and while as an episode it maybe wasn't perfect, as a follow up from Sins of the Father it was rather brilliant, because it made clear that while what Merlin did there in the end may or may not have been a sort of 'reset' for Arthur, and may have been the best decision as far as he was concerned, it does have consequences for Merlin, even if he's probably only half acknowledging this on a conscious level, because so much self-denial comes with a price, and even while everyone was pleased with him in the end, I think something within Merlin did snap there.
It's pretty clear from almost the the first words Merlin and Freya exchange ('Why did you do that?' - 'What?' - 'Help me.' - 'I saw you. And... it could have been me. In that cage.') that this isn't so much about love (except in a very literally narcissistic way) as it's about loneliness and isolation and how emotionally starved, how painfully desperate Merlin is at this point for the company of someone like himself, whom he can be completely honest with ('With you I can just be who I am. We don't have to hide anything, we don't have to worry.'), and how tired of always having to hide such a central part of who he is: 'I'm fed up with being careful. I'm fed up with all of this.'
This has been building almost since the beginning of S2, certainly since ep.3, where Merlin was trying to save people in danger of being arrested and executed while Arthur mocked him about the flowers and having a crush on Morgana; maybe earlier, because as far as I remember Merlin has been complaining about Arthur's treatment of him since ep.1. For all the obvious reasons Merlin can't confront Arthur about what he'd do if he found out about Merlin's magic, even if it looks a bit like he's almost inviting discovery, doing highly unnecessary magic more or less under Arthur's eyes; so there are these petty ersatz battles over breakfast (because it's not as if Merlin couldn't have stolen food from the kitchen or somewhere else than Arthur's plate, or bought it, assuming someone's actually paying him) and bathwater and Arthur making Merlin polish his armour. Despite of what Freya says, Merlin doesn't actually have such a good life at Camelot where he'd be dead if Uther ever found out about him. It's an enormous strain to live under for so long, and no wonder he jumps at a real chance of escaping from all that.
And Arthur does realise there's something wrong, that Merlin is hiding something (ep.6 'It's your own fault, you had a suspicious look about you. Shifty. Like you've got something to hide.'), maybe even misses the relationship they used to have, but he can't figure out what exactly it is, or has a bit of a wilful blindness that stops him from drawing the right conclusions, so he makes it about Merlin's alleged feelings for Morgana, or the water Arthur threw at him, but unlike in S1 now there's increasingly the sense that things will never be really right between them until Arthur finds out and/or Merlin tells him, and they work this out. No friendship can forever survive this level of secrecy and dishonesty, and, if it comes right down to it, fear, because if Merlin wern't afraid of what might happen to him, he would tell Arthur. It's a bit like SV, really, except there you always knew you were watching a train wreck and Lex never stood a chance, and should have had more sense than hang so much of his life on the sixteen year old kid he drove off a bridge and who pulled him out of the water. But in a rather similar way Merlin and Arthur's relationship has lost much of the innocence it had in S1.
Merlin's isolation and the constant need to hide and lie also started to somewhat compromise his ethics; faced with the decision whether to help the people of his village or protect himself he didn't have to think twice in S1. In 2.03 he never stopped to consider the consequences when he told Morgana how to get to the druids, and judging from this episode, he's learned nothing from that, or the disaster with the witch-finder, either. And in the end it's suddenly Gaius who's become the voice not just of reason, but of morality, and Merlin, who wasn't tempted by power or revenge when offered that, prepared to endanger the life of the man he denied himself for in the last episode in order to save someone who doesn't require him to do that, even if she's also cursed to turn into a dangerous mythical beast at the stroke of midnight.
And while it's certainly true that Arthur hasn't been treating Merlin very well recently, it's ironic that the one time Arthur actually sort of genuinely apologises for that, it's after Merlin abused Arthur's trust in him without even thinking twice about it, and just then is probably very aware that he hasn't really earned Arthur's concern and affection after almost killing him. And of course it once again comes down to the fact that there can be no real understanding between them as long as Arthur has no idea that Merlin's hurt goes a lot deeper than Arthur throwing water at him. Although on the other hand there's also the unspoken implication of the kind of loyalty Arthur will get, when he can give Merlin the acceptance he craves....
Finally managed to watch last weekend's Merlin, and while as an episode it maybe wasn't perfect, as a follow up from Sins of the Father it was rather brilliant, because it made clear that while what Merlin did there in the end may or may not have been a sort of 'reset' for Arthur, and may have been the best decision as far as he was concerned, it does have consequences for Merlin, even if he's probably only half acknowledging this on a conscious level, because so much self-denial comes with a price, and even while everyone was pleased with him in the end, I think something within Merlin did snap there.
It's pretty clear from almost the the first words Merlin and Freya exchange ('Why did you do that?' - 'What?' - 'Help me.' - 'I saw you. And... it could have been me. In that cage.') that this isn't so much about love (except in a very literally narcissistic way) as it's about loneliness and isolation and how emotionally starved, how painfully desperate Merlin is at this point for the company of someone like himself, whom he can be completely honest with ('With you I can just be who I am. We don't have to hide anything, we don't have to worry.'), and how tired of always having to hide such a central part of who he is: 'I'm fed up with being careful. I'm fed up with all of this.'
This has been building almost since the beginning of S2, certainly since ep.3, where Merlin was trying to save people in danger of being arrested and executed while Arthur mocked him about the flowers and having a crush on Morgana; maybe earlier, because as far as I remember Merlin has been complaining about Arthur's treatment of him since ep.1. For all the obvious reasons Merlin can't confront Arthur about what he'd do if he found out about Merlin's magic, even if it looks a bit like he's almost inviting discovery, doing highly unnecessary magic more or less under Arthur's eyes; so there are these petty ersatz battles over breakfast (because it's not as if Merlin couldn't have stolen food from the kitchen or somewhere else than Arthur's plate, or bought it, assuming someone's actually paying him) and bathwater and Arthur making Merlin polish his armour. Despite of what Freya says, Merlin doesn't actually have such a good life at Camelot where he'd be dead if Uther ever found out about him. It's an enormous strain to live under for so long, and no wonder he jumps at a real chance of escaping from all that.
And Arthur does realise there's something wrong, that Merlin is hiding something (ep.6 'It's your own fault, you had a suspicious look about you. Shifty. Like you've got something to hide.'), maybe even misses the relationship they used to have, but he can't figure out what exactly it is, or has a bit of a wilful blindness that stops him from drawing the right conclusions, so he makes it about Merlin's alleged feelings for Morgana, or the water Arthur threw at him, but unlike in S1 now there's increasingly the sense that things will never be really right between them until Arthur finds out and/or Merlin tells him, and they work this out. No friendship can forever survive this level of secrecy and dishonesty, and, if it comes right down to it, fear, because if Merlin wern't afraid of what might happen to him, he would tell Arthur. It's a bit like SV, really, except there you always knew you were watching a train wreck and Lex never stood a chance, and should have had more sense than hang so much of his life on the sixteen year old kid he drove off a bridge and who pulled him out of the water. But in a rather similar way Merlin and Arthur's relationship has lost much of the innocence it had in S1.
Merlin's isolation and the constant need to hide and lie also started to somewhat compromise his ethics; faced with the decision whether to help the people of his village or protect himself he didn't have to think twice in S1. In 2.03 he never stopped to consider the consequences when he told Morgana how to get to the druids, and judging from this episode, he's learned nothing from that, or the disaster with the witch-finder, either. And in the end it's suddenly Gaius who's become the voice not just of reason, but of morality, and Merlin, who wasn't tempted by power or revenge when offered that, prepared to endanger the life of the man he denied himself for in the last episode in order to save someone who doesn't require him to do that, even if she's also cursed to turn into a dangerous mythical beast at the stroke of midnight.
And while it's certainly true that Arthur hasn't been treating Merlin very well recently, it's ironic that the one time Arthur actually sort of genuinely apologises for that, it's after Merlin abused Arthur's trust in him without even thinking twice about it, and just then is probably very aware that he hasn't really earned Arthur's concern and affection after almost killing him. And of course it once again comes down to the fact that there can be no real understanding between them as long as Arthur has no idea that Merlin's hurt goes a lot deeper than Arthur throwing water at him. Although on the other hand there's also the unspoken implication of the kind of loyalty Arthur will get, when he can give Merlin the acceptance he craves....