Saiyuki quick-fic

[soliandxpyne]

Something unnamable swells in my chest, like a fist clenched around my heart, and I have to avert my gaze.  If things were different...but it’s a stupid, indulgent, pointless thought, and I quash it before it ever really forms--safer that way--and keep my eyes trained steadily, ruthlessly, out the window.

“Sanzo?” he ventures tentatively as he

Comments

[gen50]

i like the last line ....
"i learn the taste of his smile"

i like the way it is written, it feels just right...
the way sanzo is -
so i suppose your awkwardness, as you say, helped because sanzo is awkward about his desires.

the fic was delicious.

[soliandxpyne]

Thank you. I think that was one of my favorite lines, too. :)

Yeah, I'd imagine the thoughts that go through Sanzo's head can be somewhat awkward, especially when facing something (like Goku's advances) which makes him uncomfortable. Though he'd never open his mouth to reveal these thoughts...

Glad you thought so! :3

[kambeiadaro]

"not when he paints indecipherable characters across my tongue with his own" I love this line. There are so many other great lines. What I like best is it reads like a flow from Sanzo's thoughts. (As if I'm Kanzeon peaking into Sanzo's thoughts.) But it does sound natural. Sanzo starts off feeling one way and gradually, seamlessly lets himself accept his truth.

It's very well done, I would never think you weren't comfy with first person. But, I know how you feel. I've a wip I done in Goku's POV and it just starts falling apart when his manly urges takes place. I just laugh. I really think I may try to finish but write an alt in 3rd person & see what my beta thinks. whenever the hell I finish it.

[soliandxpyne]

Eee, thank you (even if I don't feel my attempt was completely adequate...). I enjoyed writing that line, too. :D Well, at least you're able to say it sounds natural, though writing it felt awkward as hell, lol.

Manly urges! LMAO, I know just what you mean. It feels so ridiculous to write something like 'my dick,' 'my balls,' 'my prostate.' >:O I think I definitely prefer my usual style of third-person limited--this way, I feel I can play with aspects of the plot that what character may know, but another does not. But thanks for the compliments. ^^

[purpleicicles]

Goodness, you talk crap! That was excellent first-person POV for Sanzo - it gave a great feeling of inner turmoil, and the repeated 'yes' was a subtle evolution of meaning that typeified just what Goku has the power to do to Sanzo! All those little reasons and desperate arguments play put and are thrown away, and you brought this out perfectly! You write fantastic first person POV, and I definitely think you should challenge yourself and your self-percieved limitations more often if this is the result!!! ^___^

[soliandxpyne]

Hahaha, well, if I expect to talk crap on anybody else's writing, I suppose it's only fair to talk crap on myself, as well.

Thank you--I'm glad you liked this. :) Yeah, I was trying to show a bit of the power Goku has over Sanzo, yet also the fact that Sanzo doesn't mind so much (even if he won't say it aloud).

Ohhh, no, no, I'm not fantastic at all at this. :S Actually, I probably took the easy route, seeing as Xpyne and I are pretty sure I have the same personality type as Sanzo. A bigger challenge would be trying to do first-person from another of the guys' pov...but I don't know that I'm up to that, yet! >_<

::laughs:: But thank you for the encouragement. <3