esoteric question of the day

[sodakey]

Not sure why I'm in an introspective mood, other than the fact that I've been running on empty for a month now, and tiredness begets strange thoughts, and this rather simple and old debate was brought up, and though I have never believed there is an exclusive answer (meaning I don't think one has to negate the other), I put it forth here

Comments

[starry_ice]

If it came down to one or the other, I'd rather be respected...

[sodakey]

Yes. If it did come down to one being exclusive over the other.

[anniehow]

From a logical pov I'd say respected, but I know myself, and when the chips are on the table I always go for "like". If a confrontation arises I'm always the one who diffuses it and is therefore 'liked' rather than the one who keeps fighting and thus earns respect.

[sodakey]

See, now, that's an intriguing comment to me. We all tend to assume that the argumentative one is the one who will be respected in the end. I think that's in fact a pretty common assumption.

When I think about it, though, I tend to have more respect for one with the ability to defuse a situation, especially if done with grace.

I guess if you're just capitulating, or placating someone to to keep the peace, or to keep yourself out of the line of fire, that may be different...

But, no, fighters aren't usually the ones I respect. They are more likely to be the ones I avoid. Though there is a context question here: The what, how, and why of a fight may change everything.

And there really is no specific answer, and different situations bring out different answers.

[anniehow]

Well, I'm glad I intrigued you ;-)

I know what you mean by "respecting those who don't fight" (= Oh, hi there, Atticus Finch!), but what I meant is the kind of submission that is a knee-jerk response, even when I should stand up for myself. I've never quarreled with any of my friends (drifted away from, sure, but quarreled? no) and this means that I've managed over the years to retain good relationships with everyone through break-ups and make-ups, but there are a few instances where I've knowingly sabotaged myself to keep everyone else happy.