(no subject)
Title: The Kübler-Ross model
Pairing: G-ri
Rating: PG
Summary: Seung-ri has a girlfriend~
A/N: The Kübler-Ross model, according to Wikipiedia, describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people deal with grief and tragedy, especially when diagnosed with a terminal illness or catastrophic loss.
“I have a girlfriend.”
1: Denial.
“No, you don’t,” says Ji-yong and he even rolls his eyes. It’s such a preposterous thing to suggest - little Seung-ri, with a girl? It’s like suggesting that someone is actually feeding SHINee. No, really, there’s no way - Seung-ri can camp outside the girls’ changing rooms all he wants, but they wouldn’t notice him even if he was standing on their shoes. Seung-ri is the annoying kid, the one that won’t stop talking, and women really do not like that in a man. Even less so, when the man is a boy.
“Honestly, Seung-ri, that’s ridiculous. Listen to yourself!” Ji-yong frowns. “You can’t have a girlfriend, nobody likes you! You’re… you’re weird. And you don’t make any sense - you just walk around talking to yourself all day and then you ask all these random questions like you expect us to know but nobody knows, Seung-ri, because you’re the only one who’s dumb enough to ask!”
2. Anger.
“Who said you can have a girlfriend, anyway? It’s not allowed!” Knowing that it’s perfectly justified, Ji-yong starts to huff and puff like the big bad wolf, shooting dirty looks all over the place. “This isn’t okay, Seung-ri - it’s against the rules! Don’t think you can walk around doing whatever you want!”
It is true that Ji-yong has his own comings and goings but such is not the case with Seung-ri and it has to stay that way. Seung-ri is Seung-ri; it’s as simple as that. Different people require different rules.
“You can’t have a girlfriend, I won’t let you!”
“But hyung---”
“No!” Ji-yong slaps his hand over the other boy’s mouth and keeps it there. “Don’t talk, don’t… don’t even breathe. You’re a bad person, you’re a traitor - I can’t believe you would go behind our backs like this!”
“I just---”
“Fuck you!” he spits out. A sprinkle of saliva rains over Seung-ri’s red cheeks as he’s pushed up against the wall. His head bounces against it with a dull thud and Ji-yong hopes that he’ll get a concussion. It’s only fair.
3. Bargaining.
Seung-ri whines. He reaches up and touches the back of his skull, a grimace of pain twisting his face up in all the wrong ways. It grabs at Ji-yong’s stomach. Sighing, he snakes his arms around Seung-ri’s neck and tightens his grip slowly, like a python on the prowl.
“I’m so sorry, my Seung-ri,” he breathes out in a whisper, collecting his heart and putting his anger on a leash. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He rests his forehead against Seung-ri’s, and speaks in a soft voice, the one that Seung-ri likes. “Is it because you’re lonely? You can tell me. Is it my fault, did I do something?”
Seung-ri doesn’t glare, he looks away. Ji-yong thinks that maybe he’s hurt.
“You have to tell me, what did I do? I’ll make it better, I’ll… Seung-ri!” Ji-yong steps back and flings his arms out because he doesn’t know where else to put them.
“It’s just that I care so much about you. I don’t want anything bad to happen. And girlfriends are… bad. I think.”
He attempts a smile. “You don’t really need a girlfriend. You’re not old enough to touch her anyway.” Ji-yong cocks his head to the side and as if he’s trying to look into Seung-ri’s brain. “Is it the kisses you want? I can kiss you. Kissing isn’t a big deal; it’s just… really wet and unnecessary.”
Why, of course, that’s not entirely true. Ji-yong likes kissing, but it’s not right that Seung-ri should too.
“You can touch me instead. But I won’t wear a skirt. It’ll be almost the same thing!”
Somehow, it didn’t sound quite so absurd in his head. But then again, Seung-ri hasn’t got much logic to begin with, so Ji-yong thinks that it might be okay.
“Just… just wait, okay? Don’t get a girlfriend now.”
Get one later. Not now. Someday. Ji-yong doesn’t like to think ahead.
“I’ll be your girlfriend, okay?”
4. Depression.
Seung-ri stonewalls him.
“She only likes you because you’re in Big Bang!” Ji-yong wails, admitting himself at a loss. It doesn’t happen a lot.
If Seung-ri has a girlfriend, will he still take his pillow to Ji-yong’s bed? Ji-yong needs Seung-ri to hug. No one else fits. Seung-hyun is too tall, Young-bae cringes and Dae-sung’s nose is always in the way. But Seung-ri is just big enough, just soft enough, just good enough… just simple enough. Ji-yong’s legs fit around Seung-ri’s waist and Seung-ri’s head belongs on Ji-yong’s arm. A girl’s skinny shoulder can’t support a head that big. It’s simple math and physics - and if he said it out loud, Seung-ri would find a book to prove it.
If Seung-ri loves a girl, then who is left to love Ji-yong?
5. Acceptance.
Maybe he can hug a panda or a plushie. At least it won’t talk.
“Please tell me she’s pretty,” Ji-yong whispers as he falls back onto his bed. “She better be the prettiest girl in the whole fucking universe…”
He tries to see Seung-ri with a girl but he fails - he fails because it doesn’t make sense, Seung-ri with a girl just isn’t within the grasp of his imagination. He squints really hard, but he fails again.
Sighing, he thinks that it’s going to be okay. Seung-ri will need his hyung always and it’s going to be okay. As long as Seung-ri is happy. He tells himself that that is all that matters.
He finds a pillow and hugs it to his chest. It’ll have to work. The pillow folds and shrinks within his arms and Ji-yong misses solid bones.
Seung-ri pushes the stupid pillow away.
“Hyung… I was only kidding.”
The end.