[SJFF] Yearning of the Heart - Chapter 15
Title: Yearning of the Heart
Characters: Ryeowook, OC, SJ members
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama
Type: Novel
Summary: All he wants was for her to love him, and all she wants was for someone else to love her. If only life could be simple.
Author's Notes: Expansion of Like A Fool.
~ * ~
Chapter 15
A string of girlish giggles erupted from Kyoungmi as she read the newest text message which she had received, before she rapidly typed out a response and hit the 'send' button without missing a beat. While she waited for the recipient to reply to her message, she nuzzled deeper into the crook of Kwangho's neck, just enjoying the cooling night air circulating in the living room of her apartment with the person she loved. Nonetheless, when Kwangho suddenly pulled away, she turned to look at him, feeling extremely confused by his actions.
"What's wrong, Kwangho oppa?" she asked. She was just beginning to enjoy the hint of warmth which was emanating from his body, and was attempting to match the rhythm of her heartbeats with the rise and fall of his chest, but the sudden loss of contact left her rather disappointed. Kyoungmi couldn't help but suspect that he was somewhat angry at her that night, but didn't know the exact reason for it. After all, they hadn't been involved in any form of argument for the past month, because he was busy preparing for his upcoming album which was to be released tomorrow - especially because they didn't really contact one another in that specific period of time.
"You seem to be extremely preoccupied with your phone today. I don't want to disturb you further. You're evidently enjoying whatever conversation you're having with Ryeowook," he replied curtly, removing himself from beneath her weight and smoothed his shirt down as he started heading towards the door to let himself out of the house.
To say that he was annoyed was probably an understatement, especially when he had specifically taken some time off his busy schedule to spend with his girlfriend, even to the extent of getting into a minor argument with his manager. In the end, he could only play around with her long locks instead of engaging in a proper conversation with her, considering the fact that the text messages keep flooding in almost every other minute. He didn't even need Kyoungmi to tell him it was Ryeowook - he knew it with full certainty, since she was always talking about the Super Junior member whom she calls her best friend in the entire entertainment circle.
Seeing that Kwangho was about to head home after spending less than an hour with her, Kyoungmi hurriedly stood up and jogged ahead of his path, temporarily abandoning her phone on the table. She shot a quick glance at the electronic device when it vibrated momentarily on the table, but ignored it anyway. Keeping her boyfriend in the house was the most important thing right now, no matter how much she was enjoying that conversation with Ryeowook, who was telling her all about the hilarious incidents that had occurred at practice that day. She really didn't want to risk getting ignored for God-knows-how-long for the second time.
"You," she reprimanded playfully, snaking her arms around his middle so that he couldn't really move anywhere else. "Are you by any chance… jealous of Ryeowook oppa?" Kyoungmi asked, looking up hopefully at Kwangho. She was secretly relishing the fact that her boyfriend was showing signs of jealousy - something which was rare to go by in their relationship, since he wasn't one who was very open with his feelings after all. She was happy, yes, but it took all of her might not to let the grin show on her face, lest he became more upset than he already was.
"So what if I am?" he huffed and concluded it with a pout, much to her surprise. Kyoungmi never knew that he was capable of such adorable expressions, considering the fact that he took pride in his career as a ballad singer, and would never portray any other emotions apart from those suited for the genre of songs he sings.
Unable to suppress the swelling pride she was feeling in her chest at the moment, Kyoungmi stood on her toes and caught his lips in a kiss, which was eventually deepened when she was pushed against the wall and trapped between Kwangho's arms. They broke apart to catch their breaths moments later, and she was effectively rendered beet red by the memory. It was the first time they had actually gone past the stage of a simple peck on the lips since they had started dating almost half a year ago, and she wondered what had pushed him to advance this far.
"Is there something else bothering you, Kwangho oppa?" Kyoungmi asked softly when she managed to find her voice. She was still pinned up against the wall, with his body hovering in front of her and his arms on either side of her head, though she couldn't help but notice that something wasn't quite normal with his actions.
Slowly, Kwangho shook his head and diverted his gaze from the floor and held hers firmly. She was really surprised when he suddenly claimed her lips in a soft kiss yet again, before resting his forehead against hers. "Kyoungmi, I don't know what you've done to me, but it feels like I would suffocate whenever I couldn't spend more time with you…" he breathed.
"What are you talking about, oppa? Wasn't that why we're together in the first place?" she laughed nervously, remembering about the day she had confessed her feelings to Kwangho after one of their special performances for their duet. His behaviour was starting to really scare her, and she frantically raked through her mind for a possible reason. The Kwangho she knew was never this touchy with her, nor was he ever so warm. She would occasionally doubt whether his feelings for her was real, because he was rather cold towards her most of the time, and whether she was merely his plaything whenever he was bored, but it was all turned to nought at this particular moment.
"Don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you, baby? I've fallen in too deep with this; I love you so much that I can't let go," Kwangho whispered in her ear, making her shiver involuntarily when his warm breath tickled her skin. If anything, she suddenly felt very self-conscious around her boyfriend, and his hand which was rested on the small of her back wasn't helping things out either. Her mind was completely blank, courtesy of his breath ghosting over her skin and the intimate distance between them. It definitely was hard for her to think.
"I love you too, Kwangho oppa. There's no reason for you to get jealous of Ryeowook oppa. I love you, and you alone," she whispered back, snaking her arms around his neck as he moved in for yet another passionate kiss. And that was pretty much the last coherent thing she could recall.
* * * * *
When the blinding light
Of the morning comes
I open the eyes of love and sing
For only you
For you, I love you only you
Filled with my restless heart
With words smoother than the fragrant scent of coffee
I look towards you
Do you know darling?
I know you feel it too
The words of your heart is "love"
I hear it now
I see it now
This timid feeling that is more beautiful
Than any flower
Look towards me
Hold my hands tightly
Such a happy feeling,
Such a blinding fate
I smile at the scent of love
Whenever the wind blows
I gently close my eyes
And whisper a charm of love
So that you may feel my heart
Look into my eyes darling,
That is filled with my restless heart
As warm as a magical kiss
Please accept my feelings
Do you know darling?
I know you feel it too
The words of your heart is "love"
I hear it now
I see it now
This timid feeling that is more beautiful
Than any flower
I will promise
That our hands will always be together
Such a happy feeling,
Such a blinding future
Let's get drunk off the scent of love
Forever
Do you know darling?
I know you feel it too
The words of your heart is "love"
I hear it now
I see it now
This timid feeling that is more beautiful
Than any flower
I love you and you alone
"Dear listeners, that was the title track from Jeon Kwangho's newest album, Do You Know," the cheerful voice of the radio DJ flowed out of the speakers of the car, resulting in Ryeowook perking up in his seat. He didn't know why, but he felt oddly disturbed by the song, but couldn't place a reason on it. Deciding that he was being a little too paranoid over everything, Ryeowook shook the thoughts aside and snuggled deeper into his seat once again, attempting to catch some decent shut-eye before their next schedule. He lost sleep on the previous night because Kyoungmi suddenly stopped replying to his messages, and it took him several hours of tossing and turning in his bed before he figured out that she might have fallen asleep from her tiring schedules.
Nonetheless, the next thing the DJ said effectively caused Ryeowook's eyelids to fly wide open immediately. "Well, dear listeners, I have an interesting story to share. Turns out that this title track was written by none other than Kwangho-sshi himself, and apparently, there was something written in his album's 'Thanks To…' section which has elicited a heated debate. Do you remember the actress, Baek Kyoungmi-sshi, who had a duet with Kwangho-sshi for the drama which she was acting in? He has officially announced through his album that they are currently dating, and this song was written specially for her. Now that's what I call sweet! Let's give our blessings to the lovely couple!"
By the end of the DJ's long speech, Ryeowook had automatically tuned out everything else. All those uneasy feelings which he had been experiencing since the start of the song were completely explained by the radio DJ. Even though Ryeowook had the nagging suspicion that Kwangho did not have any true feelings for Kyoungmi when she had first told him about the relationship, his current action seemed to have dispelled everything else. It took a lot for an artist to announce a relationship to the public, especially with all the backlash that they were bound to receive, but by doing so, Kwangho pretty much shouted to the whole Korean population that he was taking this relationship very seriously. There was no other reason why he would do so; it was too much of a risk for him to toy around.
Ryeowook snapped out of his trance-like state when he realised that several pairs of eyes were trained on him, and he looked up only to meet the worried expressions of his other members who were in the car with him. "What?" he reflexively blurted out, blinking his eyes innocently at the rest.
"Are you okay?" Jungsoo asked without missing a beat, glancing worriedly over at the eternal maknae. At times like these, he didn't see the need to beat around the bush anymore. Everyone knew how much Ryeowook liked Kyoungmi, and they also knew that the entertainment industry was a cut-throat arena to be involved in. And being someone who was involved in a relationship as well, Jungsoo knew very well what the implications of announcing a particular relationship to the public were.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" the younger male chuckled nervously, ignoring the slight stabbing pain he could feel in his heart. Odd, I thought I should have anticipated this happening already, he thought. Ryeowook felt oddly suffocated for the first time since he had recovered from that short bout of depression, and he really did not like the sensation at all. Nonetheless, he tried his best to keep his expressions under wraps, because he did not want to worry the rest of his members. After his talk with Kyuhyun the other time, he realised that he shouldn't be burdening other people with his own worries, and he finally understood the reason behind Jungsoo's tendencies of keeping everything to himself.
Apart from Jungsoo, the other members didn't really pass any comments or bring up any questions of their own, and Ryeowook was very thankful for that. He wasn't really sure whether he could keep up the façade for such a long time, and when it came to questions, trust the Super Junior members to be able to throw one after the other without losing their pace. Ryeowook knew that he was bound to succumb to the pressure anyway.
After hearing the eternal maknae's reply, Jungsoo merely surveyed the boy for a short moment, seeming as though he was trying to read his thoughts just by looking at his face. The latter squirmed uncomfortably in his seat under the scrutiny, deciding to pull his hoodie over his face and pretended that he went back to sleep. When the leader finally returned his attention to the road ahead of the car they were travelling in, only did Ryeowook release the breath he didn't even realise he was holding.
* * * * *
When Kyoungmi woke up on the next morning, she shivered slightly from the cold when a cooling breeze blew in from the window, bringing the curtains up with it. As she attempted to sit up on the bed, she grimaced a little at the dull ache which she could feel all over her body, though most prominently at one specific spot which made her blush furiously at the memory. She really couldn't believe that they went all the way to the end on the previous night. However, a tinge of disappointment surged up within her heart when she found the spot next to her bed empty, as she grabbed the nightgown at the end of her bed and threw it over her bare skin.
Nonetheless, a bittersweet smile spread across her face when she caught sight of an object which was sitting primly on top of her dresser. She padded across the room and picked the item up, the smile growing wider when she realised that it was none other than Kwangho's new album. She didn't even know that he brought one along with him, but her attention was momentarily diverted when a piece of paper fell out of the album. It didn't take long for her to recognise her boyfriend's writing neatly scribbled across it, and she quickly flipped to his 'Thanks To…' page in accordance with his request.
Her hand flew up to muffle the surprised gasp which erupted once she read through the entire passage, eyes widening in tandem. Everything that Kwangho said and did last night suddenly made complete sense to her, because he actually announced the relationship which they had kept under wraps to his fans and anyone else who purchased the album. But what effectively triggered the tears was the fact that he had actually penned a song, especially for her. Kyoungmi felt guilty that she had doubted his feelings for her in the past, but nonetheless swelled with utter happiness at the knowledge. They no longer had the need to act like thieves, sneaking around whenever they wanted to spend some time out together on a date after the announcement, and for that, she was glad.
While Kyoungmi was still completely immersed in her thoughts, the sound of her message tone caught her attention, and she headed for the electronic device at once, hoping that it was from Kwangho. But when she saw the identification of the sender, Kyoungmi didn't know whether she should be disappointed or worried. Disappointed, because it wasn't her boyfriend; worried, because it seems that Ryeowook found out about it without her telling him.
His message did not sound happy at all.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
A/N: The song was actually sung by the group Someday, and I think some of you might recognise it as a part of the Boys Over Flowers OST =P Translation of the lyrics was done by mitsukokawashi @ jpopasia.com, by the way~
Characters: Ryeowook, OC, SJ members
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama
Type: Novel
Summary: All he wants was for her to love him, and all she wants was for someone else to love her. If only life could be simple.
Author's Notes: Expansion of Like A Fool.
~ * ~
Chapter 15
A string of girlish giggles erupted from Kyoungmi as she read the newest text message which she had received, before she rapidly typed out a response and hit the 'send' button without missing a beat. While she waited for the recipient to reply to her message, she nuzzled deeper into the crook of Kwangho's neck, just enjoying the cooling night air circulating in the living room of her apartment with the person she loved. Nonetheless, when Kwangho suddenly pulled away, she turned to look at him, feeling extremely confused by his actions.
"What's wrong, Kwangho oppa?" she asked. She was just beginning to enjoy the hint of warmth which was emanating from his body, and was attempting to match the rhythm of her heartbeats with the rise and fall of his chest, but the sudden loss of contact left her rather disappointed. Kyoungmi couldn't help but suspect that he was somewhat angry at her that night, but didn't know the exact reason for it. After all, they hadn't been involved in any form of argument for the past month, because he was busy preparing for his upcoming album which was to be released tomorrow - especially because they didn't really contact one another in that specific period of time.
"You seem to be extremely preoccupied with your phone today. I don't want to disturb you further. You're evidently enjoying whatever conversation you're having with Ryeowook," he replied curtly, removing himself from beneath her weight and smoothed his shirt down as he started heading towards the door to let himself out of the house.
To say that he was annoyed was probably an understatement, especially when he had specifically taken some time off his busy schedule to spend with his girlfriend, even to the extent of getting into a minor argument with his manager. In the end, he could only play around with her long locks instead of engaging in a proper conversation with her, considering the fact that the text messages keep flooding in almost every other minute. He didn't even need Kyoungmi to tell him it was Ryeowook - he knew it with full certainty, since she was always talking about the Super Junior member whom she calls her best friend in the entire entertainment circle.
Seeing that Kwangho was about to head home after spending less than an hour with her, Kyoungmi hurriedly stood up and jogged ahead of his path, temporarily abandoning her phone on the table. She shot a quick glance at the electronic device when it vibrated momentarily on the table, but ignored it anyway. Keeping her boyfriend in the house was the most important thing right now, no matter how much she was enjoying that conversation with Ryeowook, who was telling her all about the hilarious incidents that had occurred at practice that day. She really didn't want to risk getting ignored for God-knows-how-long for the second time.
"You," she reprimanded playfully, snaking her arms around his middle so that he couldn't really move anywhere else. "Are you by any chance… jealous of Ryeowook oppa?" Kyoungmi asked, looking up hopefully at Kwangho. She was secretly relishing the fact that her boyfriend was showing signs of jealousy - something which was rare to go by in their relationship, since he wasn't one who was very open with his feelings after all. She was happy, yes, but it took all of her might not to let the grin show on her face, lest he became more upset than he already was.
"So what if I am?" he huffed and concluded it with a pout, much to her surprise. Kyoungmi never knew that he was capable of such adorable expressions, considering the fact that he took pride in his career as a ballad singer, and would never portray any other emotions apart from those suited for the genre of songs he sings.
Unable to suppress the swelling pride she was feeling in her chest at the moment, Kyoungmi stood on her toes and caught his lips in a kiss, which was eventually deepened when she was pushed against the wall and trapped between Kwangho's arms. They broke apart to catch their breaths moments later, and she was effectively rendered beet red by the memory. It was the first time they had actually gone past the stage of a simple peck on the lips since they had started dating almost half a year ago, and she wondered what had pushed him to advance this far.
"Is there something else bothering you, Kwangho oppa?" Kyoungmi asked softly when she managed to find her voice. She was still pinned up against the wall, with his body hovering in front of her and his arms on either side of her head, though she couldn't help but notice that something wasn't quite normal with his actions.
Slowly, Kwangho shook his head and diverted his gaze from the floor and held hers firmly. She was really surprised when he suddenly claimed her lips in a soft kiss yet again, before resting his forehead against hers. "Kyoungmi, I don't know what you've done to me, but it feels like I would suffocate whenever I couldn't spend more time with you…" he breathed.
"What are you talking about, oppa? Wasn't that why we're together in the first place?" she laughed nervously, remembering about the day she had confessed her feelings to Kwangho after one of their special performances for their duet. His behaviour was starting to really scare her, and she frantically raked through her mind for a possible reason. The Kwangho she knew was never this touchy with her, nor was he ever so warm. She would occasionally doubt whether his feelings for her was real, because he was rather cold towards her most of the time, and whether she was merely his plaything whenever he was bored, but it was all turned to nought at this particular moment.
"Don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you, baby? I've fallen in too deep with this; I love you so much that I can't let go," Kwangho whispered in her ear, making her shiver involuntarily when his warm breath tickled her skin. If anything, she suddenly felt very self-conscious around her boyfriend, and his hand which was rested on the small of her back wasn't helping things out either. Her mind was completely blank, courtesy of his breath ghosting over her skin and the intimate distance between them. It definitely was hard for her to think.
"I love you too, Kwangho oppa. There's no reason for you to get jealous of Ryeowook oppa. I love you, and you alone," she whispered back, snaking her arms around his neck as he moved in for yet another passionate kiss. And that was pretty much the last coherent thing she could recall.
* * * * *
When the blinding light
Of the morning comes
I open the eyes of love and sing
For only you
For you, I love you only you
Filled with my restless heart
With words smoother than the fragrant scent of coffee
I look towards you
Do you know darling?
I know you feel it too
The words of your heart is "love"
I hear it now
I see it now
This timid feeling that is more beautiful
Than any flower
Look towards me
Hold my hands tightly
Such a happy feeling,
Such a blinding fate
I smile at the scent of love
Whenever the wind blows
I gently close my eyes
And whisper a charm of love
So that you may feel my heart
Look into my eyes darling,
That is filled with my restless heart
As warm as a magical kiss
Please accept my feelings
Do you know darling?
I know you feel it too
The words of your heart is "love"
I hear it now
I see it now
This timid feeling that is more beautiful
Than any flower
I will promise
That our hands will always be together
Such a happy feeling,
Such a blinding future
Let's get drunk off the scent of love
Forever
Do you know darling?
I know you feel it too
The words of your heart is "love"
I hear it now
I see it now
This timid feeling that is more beautiful
Than any flower
I love you and you alone
"Dear listeners, that was the title track from Jeon Kwangho's newest album, Do You Know," the cheerful voice of the radio DJ flowed out of the speakers of the car, resulting in Ryeowook perking up in his seat. He didn't know why, but he felt oddly disturbed by the song, but couldn't place a reason on it. Deciding that he was being a little too paranoid over everything, Ryeowook shook the thoughts aside and snuggled deeper into his seat once again, attempting to catch some decent shut-eye before their next schedule. He lost sleep on the previous night because Kyoungmi suddenly stopped replying to his messages, and it took him several hours of tossing and turning in his bed before he figured out that she might have fallen asleep from her tiring schedules.
Nonetheless, the next thing the DJ said effectively caused Ryeowook's eyelids to fly wide open immediately. "Well, dear listeners, I have an interesting story to share. Turns out that this title track was written by none other than Kwangho-sshi himself, and apparently, there was something written in his album's 'Thanks To…' section which has elicited a heated debate. Do you remember the actress, Baek Kyoungmi-sshi, who had a duet with Kwangho-sshi for the drama which she was acting in? He has officially announced through his album that they are currently dating, and this song was written specially for her. Now that's what I call sweet! Let's give our blessings to the lovely couple!"
By the end of the DJ's long speech, Ryeowook had automatically tuned out everything else. All those uneasy feelings which he had been experiencing since the start of the song were completely explained by the radio DJ. Even though Ryeowook had the nagging suspicion that Kwangho did not have any true feelings for Kyoungmi when she had first told him about the relationship, his current action seemed to have dispelled everything else. It took a lot for an artist to announce a relationship to the public, especially with all the backlash that they were bound to receive, but by doing so, Kwangho pretty much shouted to the whole Korean population that he was taking this relationship very seriously. There was no other reason why he would do so; it was too much of a risk for him to toy around.
Ryeowook snapped out of his trance-like state when he realised that several pairs of eyes were trained on him, and he looked up only to meet the worried expressions of his other members who were in the car with him. "What?" he reflexively blurted out, blinking his eyes innocently at the rest.
"Are you okay?" Jungsoo asked without missing a beat, glancing worriedly over at the eternal maknae. At times like these, he didn't see the need to beat around the bush anymore. Everyone knew how much Ryeowook liked Kyoungmi, and they also knew that the entertainment industry was a cut-throat arena to be involved in. And being someone who was involved in a relationship as well, Jungsoo knew very well what the implications of announcing a particular relationship to the public were.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" the younger male chuckled nervously, ignoring the slight stabbing pain he could feel in his heart. Odd, I thought I should have anticipated this happening already, he thought. Ryeowook felt oddly suffocated for the first time since he had recovered from that short bout of depression, and he really did not like the sensation at all. Nonetheless, he tried his best to keep his expressions under wraps, because he did not want to worry the rest of his members. After his talk with Kyuhyun the other time, he realised that he shouldn't be burdening other people with his own worries, and he finally understood the reason behind Jungsoo's tendencies of keeping everything to himself.
Apart from Jungsoo, the other members didn't really pass any comments or bring up any questions of their own, and Ryeowook was very thankful for that. He wasn't really sure whether he could keep up the façade for such a long time, and when it came to questions, trust the Super Junior members to be able to throw one after the other without losing their pace. Ryeowook knew that he was bound to succumb to the pressure anyway.
After hearing the eternal maknae's reply, Jungsoo merely surveyed the boy for a short moment, seeming as though he was trying to read his thoughts just by looking at his face. The latter squirmed uncomfortably in his seat under the scrutiny, deciding to pull his hoodie over his face and pretended that he went back to sleep. When the leader finally returned his attention to the road ahead of the car they were travelling in, only did Ryeowook release the breath he didn't even realise he was holding.
* * * * *
When Kyoungmi woke up on the next morning, she shivered slightly from the cold when a cooling breeze blew in from the window, bringing the curtains up with it. As she attempted to sit up on the bed, she grimaced a little at the dull ache which she could feel all over her body, though most prominently at one specific spot which made her blush furiously at the memory. She really couldn't believe that they went all the way to the end on the previous night. However, a tinge of disappointment surged up within her heart when she found the spot next to her bed empty, as she grabbed the nightgown at the end of her bed and threw it over her bare skin.
Nonetheless, a bittersweet smile spread across her face when she caught sight of an object which was sitting primly on top of her dresser. She padded across the room and picked the item up, the smile growing wider when she realised that it was none other than Kwangho's new album. She didn't even know that he brought one along with him, but her attention was momentarily diverted when a piece of paper fell out of the album. It didn't take long for her to recognise her boyfriend's writing neatly scribbled across it, and she quickly flipped to his 'Thanks To…' page in accordance with his request.
Her hand flew up to muffle the surprised gasp which erupted once she read through the entire passage, eyes widening in tandem. Everything that Kwangho said and did last night suddenly made complete sense to her, because he actually announced the relationship which they had kept under wraps to his fans and anyone else who purchased the album. But what effectively triggered the tears was the fact that he had actually penned a song, especially for her. Kyoungmi felt guilty that she had doubted his feelings for her in the past, but nonetheless swelled with utter happiness at the knowledge. They no longer had the need to act like thieves, sneaking around whenever they wanted to spend some time out together on a date after the announcement, and for that, she was glad.
While Kyoungmi was still completely immersed in her thoughts, the sound of her message tone caught her attention, and she headed for the electronic device at once, hoping that it was from Kwangho. But when she saw the identification of the sender, Kyoungmi didn't know whether she should be disappointed or worried. Disappointed, because it wasn't her boyfriend; worried, because it seems that Ryeowook found out about it without her telling him.
His message did not sound happy at all.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
A/N: The song was actually sung by the group Someday, and I think some of you might recognise it as a part of the Boys Over Flowers OST =P Translation of the lyrics was done by mitsukokawashi @ jpopasia.com, by the way~