[SJFF] 100 SJ Fic Challenge - 050 Lost (8/100)
Title: 050 Lost
Pairing/Characters: Heechul/Kyuhyun
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Hurt, Slash(implied?)
Type: One-shot
Summary: He lost his only source of motivation in life, only to find it in someone else who never gave up on him.
Author's Notes: Don't ask.
~ * ~
It all began with the lawsuit.
He couldn't bring himself to believe that the person he trusted the most in the group - his best friend, his lover, his life - filed a court order just like that, and kept silent about it the entire time he was planning it. He even kept it from him. Phone call after phone call went unanswered, message after message left ignored; he literally vanished from the world. From his world.
Thus began his own self-isolation, being unable to accept the fact that he was betrayed just like that. Beer after beer, soju after soju… There was hardly a time where he wouldn't be drowning himself in liquor, waking up with a massive hangover only to nurse it with more of the offending liquid. He couldn't even remember when was the last time he went to bed in a condition sober enough to recognise the other faces in the house, not that he left his room much to begin with. All he ever saw was the smoke he exhaled and also from his cigarette butt, and dozens of discarded, emptied soju bottles scattered across the floor. He couldn't even remember what it felt like to stand under the sun either.
It was then that he realised how lost he was without the person who was of utmost importance to him.
* * * * *
Day after day, his group members would make it a point to drop by his room, shouting over the loud music and asking him to get out of his hiding place, saying that it wasn't healthy for him to stay cooped up in that smoke-filled room all day. He merely scoffed silently at their words as he took a swig of the soju in his hands, not feeling remotely bothered to reply to them. What do they know about his condition, or how he felt about the betrayal? They weren't the ones in his shoes, and none of them shared the same feelings he had for him.
Nonetheless, all but one member - the youngest - managed to gain his attention. Although he would make it a point to visit the never-opened room every single day like the rest of the members, the latter wasn't as much of an annoyance to him as compared to the others. All he did was rap lightly at the door, with an additional, meek 'hyung', then - nothing. The boy would repeat his routine whenever he passes by his door, only to walk away in silence once again when Heechul refused to answer.
That happened for close to a month, when the curiosity finally got the better of the older male, whom opened the door the moment that familiar 'hyung' rang in his ears once again. He noticed how Kyuhyun visibly stiffened and grimaced at the strong smell of cigarettes and alcohol that greeted his sense of smell once the door was opened, though the surprise was written all over his face a split second later. Apparently, he did not expect that Heechul would finally open his door for someone; the other members gave up long ago trying to talk some sense into him, and Kyuhyun was the only one still persisting with his actions.
"What do you want?" was the first thing that rolled off Heechul's tongue, tone as acidic and biting as it could get. He nearly couldn't recognise his own voice any longer, for he hadn't spoken a single word to anyone else for a very long time. The only purpose his throat served was to accommodate the smoke and the alcohol going into his system to numb the pain he was feeling, and occasionally some food to curb the hunger; nothing more, nothing less.
"Hyung, stop doing this. You're causing trouble to everyone else around you," he shot directly, putting on the most determined face he could manage. Heechul noticed how he narrowed his eyes at the cigarette between the fingers on Heechul's left and the bottle of newly-opened soju in his other, probably thinking whether he should break it and empty the rest of his stock within the room.
"What does it have to do with you? Just run off now and get back to your computer games. Stop bothering me like the rest of the guys," Heechul snapped back, feeling disappointed that he was just the same as the rest of his members. He immediately moved to slam the door in Kyuhyun's face, though the latter moved fast enough to slide into the room, and they merely stared at each other in defiance.
"Any business of yours would be a business of mine. I'm not going to leave until I manage to kick some sense into you. I know Hankyung hyung was very important to you, but that doesn't mean that you should try to kill yourself in such a manner just because he left," Kyuhyun said again. Heechul visibly winced at the mention of the name that he had been trying to forget all this while, feeling the freshly-closed wounds reopen again.
"Don't act like you know everything about me," Heechul moved forward and grabbed Kyuhyun by the collar, though the younger male hardly batted an eyelash as he roughly pushed Heechul's hand away.
"I will when you stop trying to add your name to the list of celebrity suicides. Hyung, please, stop doing this. You don't have to suffer alone," said the younger male, tone suddenly turning quiet. Heechul sucked in a deep breath when he felt his heart soften a little at his words, willing himself not to break down in front of someone else. Kim Heechul never cries in front of another person, no matter how desperately he wants to do so.
"What do you guys expect me to do, really? You know how close I was to him, and how I can't really live properly without him. I'm lost without him, Kyu. I really am," he replied with an intonation just as soft as the other man's, turning to face the wall where no one could see his expressions after killing off his cigarette. Things were beginning to be difficult to bear, especially when Kyuhyun was attempting to pick at the memories that he was trying to repress. That was the main reason why he lived in isolation for months after the lawsuit surfaced, so that he wouldn't be reminded of him.
Nonetheless, Heechul jumped in surprise when a pair of arms - Kyuhyun's - circled around his middle, pulling him close to the latter's body. He could even hear the younger male's rhythmic breathing, and Heechul snapped his eyes shut at the proximity. It was something that he hadn't felt in a long time, and it was something he didn't want to feel right at this moment either.
"Hyung, I told you, you don't have to suffer this alone. Please, if you think that you're lost without him, then let me take his position. It doesn't matter if you don't hold the same regards for me as you did with him, but please, just let me be in your life…" Kyuhyun had whispered into his cigarette smoke-stained shirt, the pain evident in his voice.
That was all it took for Heechul's legs to finally give way beneath him, with the tears that he had been trying to hold back with all his might flowing freely down the sides of his face onto the pale hands which were still encircled around him.
Pairing/Characters: Heechul/Kyuhyun
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Hurt, Slash(implied?)
Type: One-shot
Summary: He lost his only source of motivation in life, only to find it in someone else who never gave up on him.
Author's Notes: Don't ask.
~ * ~
It all began with the lawsuit.
He couldn't bring himself to believe that the person he trusted the most in the group - his best friend, his lover, his life - filed a court order just like that, and kept silent about it the entire time he was planning it. He even kept it from him. Phone call after phone call went unanswered, message after message left ignored; he literally vanished from the world. From his world.
Thus began his own self-isolation, being unable to accept the fact that he was betrayed just like that. Beer after beer, soju after soju… There was hardly a time where he wouldn't be drowning himself in liquor, waking up with a massive hangover only to nurse it with more of the offending liquid. He couldn't even remember when was the last time he went to bed in a condition sober enough to recognise the other faces in the house, not that he left his room much to begin with. All he ever saw was the smoke he exhaled and also from his cigarette butt, and dozens of discarded, emptied soju bottles scattered across the floor. He couldn't even remember what it felt like to stand under the sun either.
It was then that he realised how lost he was without the person who was of utmost importance to him.
* * * * *
Day after day, his group members would make it a point to drop by his room, shouting over the loud music and asking him to get out of his hiding place, saying that it wasn't healthy for him to stay cooped up in that smoke-filled room all day. He merely scoffed silently at their words as he took a swig of the soju in his hands, not feeling remotely bothered to reply to them. What do they know about his condition, or how he felt about the betrayal? They weren't the ones in his shoes, and none of them shared the same feelings he had for him.
Nonetheless, all but one member - the youngest - managed to gain his attention. Although he would make it a point to visit the never-opened room every single day like the rest of the members, the latter wasn't as much of an annoyance to him as compared to the others. All he did was rap lightly at the door, with an additional, meek 'hyung', then - nothing. The boy would repeat his routine whenever he passes by his door, only to walk away in silence once again when Heechul refused to answer.
That happened for close to a month, when the curiosity finally got the better of the older male, whom opened the door the moment that familiar 'hyung' rang in his ears once again. He noticed how Kyuhyun visibly stiffened and grimaced at the strong smell of cigarettes and alcohol that greeted his sense of smell once the door was opened, though the surprise was written all over his face a split second later. Apparently, he did not expect that Heechul would finally open his door for someone; the other members gave up long ago trying to talk some sense into him, and Kyuhyun was the only one still persisting with his actions.
"What do you want?" was the first thing that rolled off Heechul's tongue, tone as acidic and biting as it could get. He nearly couldn't recognise his own voice any longer, for he hadn't spoken a single word to anyone else for a very long time. The only purpose his throat served was to accommodate the smoke and the alcohol going into his system to numb the pain he was feeling, and occasionally some food to curb the hunger; nothing more, nothing less.
"Hyung, stop doing this. You're causing trouble to everyone else around you," he shot directly, putting on the most determined face he could manage. Heechul noticed how he narrowed his eyes at the cigarette between the fingers on Heechul's left and the bottle of newly-opened soju in his other, probably thinking whether he should break it and empty the rest of his stock within the room.
"What does it have to do with you? Just run off now and get back to your computer games. Stop bothering me like the rest of the guys," Heechul snapped back, feeling disappointed that he was just the same as the rest of his members. He immediately moved to slam the door in Kyuhyun's face, though the latter moved fast enough to slide into the room, and they merely stared at each other in defiance.
"Any business of yours would be a business of mine. I'm not going to leave until I manage to kick some sense into you. I know Hankyung hyung was very important to you, but that doesn't mean that you should try to kill yourself in such a manner just because he left," Kyuhyun said again. Heechul visibly winced at the mention of the name that he had been trying to forget all this while, feeling the freshly-closed wounds reopen again.
"Don't act like you know everything about me," Heechul moved forward and grabbed Kyuhyun by the collar, though the younger male hardly batted an eyelash as he roughly pushed Heechul's hand away.
"I will when you stop trying to add your name to the list of celebrity suicides. Hyung, please, stop doing this. You don't have to suffer alone," said the younger male, tone suddenly turning quiet. Heechul sucked in a deep breath when he felt his heart soften a little at his words, willing himself not to break down in front of someone else. Kim Heechul never cries in front of another person, no matter how desperately he wants to do so.
"What do you guys expect me to do, really? You know how close I was to him, and how I can't really live properly without him. I'm lost without him, Kyu. I really am," he replied with an intonation just as soft as the other man's, turning to face the wall where no one could see his expressions after killing off his cigarette. Things were beginning to be difficult to bear, especially when Kyuhyun was attempting to pick at the memories that he was trying to repress. That was the main reason why he lived in isolation for months after the lawsuit surfaced, so that he wouldn't be reminded of him.
Nonetheless, Heechul jumped in surprise when a pair of arms - Kyuhyun's - circled around his middle, pulling him close to the latter's body. He could even hear the younger male's rhythmic breathing, and Heechul snapped his eyes shut at the proximity. It was something that he hadn't felt in a long time, and it was something he didn't want to feel right at this moment either.
"Hyung, I told you, you don't have to suffer this alone. Please, if you think that you're lost without him, then let me take his position. It doesn't matter if you don't hold the same regards for me as you did with him, but please, just let me be in your life…" Kyuhyun had whispered into his cigarette smoke-stained shirt, the pain evident in his voice.
That was all it took for Heechul's legs to finally give way beneath him, with the tears that he had been trying to hold back with all his might flowing freely down the sides of his face onto the pale hands which were still encircled around him.