Fic - Dramatic Entrance
My first fic on this journal. For Jantolution's fifth challenge, because it had the prompts crack!fic and Jack returns, and this happened.
Title: Dramatic Entrance
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Doctor in passing
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The TARDIS landed and the doors were yanked open dramatically, Jack springing out, calling, “Ianto, my love! I have returned!”
Warnings: Crack!fic, severe overacting, and exclamation mark abuse.
Ianto was sitting on Owen’s computer chair, spinning in circles and sulking now that there was no-one here to see him, when there was the screech and wail of the TARDIS engines, and he looked up in sudden hope, springing to his feet as papers fluttered across the Hub and the chair kept spinning behind him. Looking out over the railing at the space by the fountain, he saw the TARDIS start to fade in, and gasped, pressing both hands to his chest and sighing, “My lost love! Oh, be still, my beating heart!”
And then, as the TARDIS landed and the doors were yanked open dramatically, Jack springing out, calling, “Ianto, my love! I have returned!” Ianto recalled why he’d been sulking in the first place, and flung out a hand, turning away and crying, “But no! I can never love you as I did!”
“You’re both nutters,” the Doctor muttered from the TARDIS doorway, watching Jack spring up the walkway and hurl himself to his knees at Ianto’s feet, both of them overacting like hell as he pleaded, “I beg you, take me back! Oh, my beloved, there is no other! I am true to you alone! I should never have left your side!”
“I cannot!” cried Ianto, and Jack, “But I shall die without you! And then die again!”
Ianto paused, but then exclaimed, “You left me for another! I can never love you now!”
Jack cried, “Forgive me my foolishness, oh most adoréd Ianto! I will never leave you again!”
“No!” retorted Ianto. “For I shall leave you!”
“Beloved!” Jack wailed, and dived at Ianto’s legs, clinging to his knees. “I know I do not deserve forgiveness, but please, I pray you, have mercy! All of time and space is empty without you!”
The Doctor rolled his eyes, unable to take any more, and ducked back in the TARDIS and left, to the accompaniment of, “Because of you, my heart lies in more pieces than the Risen Mitten!” from Ianto, and, “Please, sweet Ianto, I would give all of my eternal life for one more hour of joy with you!” from Jack.
Ianto hesitated again, and Jack seized his chance, looking up imploringly at Ianto as he hugged his knees and proclaimed, “My love, my love! I need you more desperately than plants need light, than fish need water, than Owen needs a good thumping! You are the nuclear fusion to my star, the air tight seal to my spaceship, the chrono-displacement factor to my time travel equations! I am a black hole without you, devoid of light and heavy with sorrow! Oh, take me back! Take me back, or I must find a way to end my tormented existence!”
Ianto hesitated a little longer, and Jack’s face fell. Releasing Ianto’s legs, he stood up, head hanging, and sighed, “Then so be it! Oh, my beautiful Ianto, it will be lonely in the darkness of death, unable to see, or hear, or touch, or do that thing with my tongue that you used to love so much, but -”
“Jack!” Ianto cried, flinging his arms around him. “Oh, I forgive you, only promise you’re mine for as long as I live, until I’m old and grey and dying in your arms!”
“Better than that!” Jack wheezed, then managed to prise Ianto off him enough to look him in the eye. “I’m yours forever, gorgeous. I found out how to share my immortality.”
“Oh?” Ianto asked, eyebrows raised, and Jack sighed, “My curse! To live forever, always alone! But with a kiss it becomes my blessing, and we shall be together forever!”
“With a kiss?” said Ianto, and Jack nodded, then yanked him close, dipped him low, and snogged the living daylights out of him. For quite some time.
At last their lips parted, and Ianto said, “Ooh, it’s all tingly!”
Jack hauled him back upright, saying, “Don’t you feel like that all the time you’re with me, beautiful?”
“I do, Jack, I do!” Ianto cried, regaining his feet. “And I always will! Oh, darling Jack, you have made all my dreams come true! Apart from that one where I was chased through the Hub by a scuba diver, but we can’t have everything, can we?”
“You shall from now on, my dear sweet,” Jack told him, smiling happily. “I will make all of your dreams come true, and fulfil your every wish, too! For we have all of eternity in which to live and to love! Mostly to love. Let’s get started on that, actually.”
“No time like the present,” Ianto agreed, being dragged off towards Jack’s quarters. And then he paused.
“I don’t suppose you happen to have a wetsuit handy, do you?”
Title: Dramatic Entrance
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Doctor in passing
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The TARDIS landed and the doors were yanked open dramatically, Jack springing out, calling, “Ianto, my love! I have returned!”
Warnings: Crack!fic, severe overacting, and exclamation mark abuse.
Ianto was sitting on Owen’s computer chair, spinning in circles and sulking now that there was no-one here to see him, when there was the screech and wail of the TARDIS engines, and he looked up in sudden hope, springing to his feet as papers fluttered across the Hub and the chair kept spinning behind him. Looking out over the railing at the space by the fountain, he saw the TARDIS start to fade in, and gasped, pressing both hands to his chest and sighing, “My lost love! Oh, be still, my beating heart!”
And then, as the TARDIS landed and the doors were yanked open dramatically, Jack springing out, calling, “Ianto, my love! I have returned!” Ianto recalled why he’d been sulking in the first place, and flung out a hand, turning away and crying, “But no! I can never love you as I did!”
“You’re both nutters,” the Doctor muttered from the TARDIS doorway, watching Jack spring up the walkway and hurl himself to his knees at Ianto’s feet, both of them overacting like hell as he pleaded, “I beg you, take me back! Oh, my beloved, there is no other! I am true to you alone! I should never have left your side!”
“I cannot!” cried Ianto, and Jack, “But I shall die without you! And then die again!”
Ianto paused, but then exclaimed, “You left me for another! I can never love you now!”
Jack cried, “Forgive me my foolishness, oh most adoréd Ianto! I will never leave you again!”
“No!” retorted Ianto. “For I shall leave you!”
“Beloved!” Jack wailed, and dived at Ianto’s legs, clinging to his knees. “I know I do not deserve forgiveness, but please, I pray you, have mercy! All of time and space is empty without you!”
The Doctor rolled his eyes, unable to take any more, and ducked back in the TARDIS and left, to the accompaniment of, “Because of you, my heart lies in more pieces than the Risen Mitten!” from Ianto, and, “Please, sweet Ianto, I would give all of my eternal life for one more hour of joy with you!” from Jack.
Ianto hesitated again, and Jack seized his chance, looking up imploringly at Ianto as he hugged his knees and proclaimed, “My love, my love! I need you more desperately than plants need light, than fish need water, than Owen needs a good thumping! You are the nuclear fusion to my star, the air tight seal to my spaceship, the chrono-displacement factor to my time travel equations! I am a black hole without you, devoid of light and heavy with sorrow! Oh, take me back! Take me back, or I must find a way to end my tormented existence!”
Ianto hesitated a little longer, and Jack’s face fell. Releasing Ianto’s legs, he stood up, head hanging, and sighed, “Then so be it! Oh, my beautiful Ianto, it will be lonely in the darkness of death, unable to see, or hear, or touch, or do that thing with my tongue that you used to love so much, but -”
“Jack!” Ianto cried, flinging his arms around him. “Oh, I forgive you, only promise you’re mine for as long as I live, until I’m old and grey and dying in your arms!”
“Better than that!” Jack wheezed, then managed to prise Ianto off him enough to look him in the eye. “I’m yours forever, gorgeous. I found out how to share my immortality.”
“Oh?” Ianto asked, eyebrows raised, and Jack sighed, “My curse! To live forever, always alone! But with a kiss it becomes my blessing, and we shall be together forever!”
“With a kiss?” said Ianto, and Jack nodded, then yanked him close, dipped him low, and snogged the living daylights out of him. For quite some time.
At last their lips parted, and Ianto said, “Ooh, it’s all tingly!”
Jack hauled him back upright, saying, “Don’t you feel like that all the time you’re with me, beautiful?”
“I do, Jack, I do!” Ianto cried, regaining his feet. “And I always will! Oh, darling Jack, you have made all my dreams come true! Apart from that one where I was chased through the Hub by a scuba diver, but we can’t have everything, can we?”
“You shall from now on, my dear sweet,” Jack told him, smiling happily. “I will make all of your dreams come true, and fulfil your every wish, too! For we have all of eternity in which to live and to love! Mostly to love. Let’s get started on that, actually.”
“No time like the present,” Ianto agreed, being dragged off towards Jack’s quarters. And then he paused.
“I don’t suppose you happen to have a wetsuit handy, do you?”