Ten Years on LiveJournal / Doctor Gives Up
Ten years ago today, I began this journal here on LiveJournal! When I started out this thing back in 2001, I did it for therapy to get over a bad breakup. I've always loved writing and in those days before the instant-gratification social networks we have today, blogging was kind of new and exciting and I'm happy to have ten years of my life written down. If I ever need to write an autobiography, I'll be golden. Over the years since the beginning, I've realized this journal has become less about therapy and more about learning who I am. Yea, sometimes it feels like a chore to write out an entry but it's a skill I've gotten good at and I like to think this is a journal of quality, integrity, humor, wit, personal voice, and - to coin a new phrase - digital penmanship. The other aspect of my journal that makes it special is my readers. Friends have come and gone and I've met some great people, too, but just knowing at least one person reads this gives me another reason to write.
You know, going back and reading my very first entry is kind of bizarre for me. I'm still very much that lazy, intelligent and sensitive 20-year-old but simply a decade older. As I read the entry, I can hear myself echoing in my mind like this were yesterday. I still feel like that kid. I still am that kid, really. I've grown up and matured a tiny little bit but I plan on holding onto my friendly and youthful nature forever. The only thing that'll change is that every year I'm getting smarter and wiser. Look out.
I plan on keeping this journal going indefinitely. I paid for a permanent account so don't expect me to give up being SnowRabbit at LiveJournal anytime soon. Being SnowRabbit is my release; my escape. If I weren't here talking to myself and using this blog to internalize, decompress and keep my head screwed on straight, I'd be a different and probably a more pessimistic person. LiveJournal, this blog, and the people I've met through this have changed my life. Plus, the alternatives are silly. All the other major social networks are where whiney grammar-ignorant infants congregate and gripe about how mistreated and/or misunderstood they are in short chronic bursts of attention-whoring. I see you nodding in agreement. Writing long, flowing, generous entries and not being complained at for it is not possible elsewhere. So here's where my words will live. Deal with it.
Got a call back from my gastroenterologist the other day. As I figured, the gallbladder test I had last week came back perfectly normal. At this point, the doctor feels his services are exhausted and I should now go back to my primary care physician for a referral to a physiatrist. In other words, he doesn't know what's causing the pain in my gut, but apparently doesn't care to keep testing. He's given up after two tests and only two office visits. An entire field of medical study totally exasperated in one month. People keep telling me I should be happy that I've got a clean bill of health but I remind them that the only reason I'm getting tested like a lab rat is because something potentially life threatening is wrong with me and pain is how my body is trying to get the message across. So what if my colon is perfect.
In all seriousness, though, I expected this. The guy didn't seem to be taking me seriously from the start. He kept saying I was too young to have the problems that would cause the pain I have and sure enough, after the tests, I don't have those illnesses. Finally being turned away and told to see a physiatrist is tantamount to telling me the pain is all in my head and I should just take some aspirin twice a day for the rest of my life and just get over myself. In other words, I'd be just wasting his time.
I'm tired of doctors.
You know, going back and reading my very first entry is kind of bizarre for me. I'm still very much that lazy, intelligent and sensitive 20-year-old but simply a decade older. As I read the entry, I can hear myself echoing in my mind like this were yesterday. I still feel like that kid. I still am that kid, really. I've grown up and matured a tiny little bit but I plan on holding onto my friendly and youthful nature forever. The only thing that'll change is that every year I'm getting smarter and wiser. Look out.
I plan on keeping this journal going indefinitely. I paid for a permanent account so don't expect me to give up being SnowRabbit at LiveJournal anytime soon. Being SnowRabbit is my release; my escape. If I weren't here talking to myself and using this blog to internalize, decompress and keep my head screwed on straight, I'd be a different and probably a more pessimistic person. LiveJournal, this blog, and the people I've met through this have changed my life. Plus, the alternatives are silly. All the other major social networks are where whiney grammar-ignorant infants congregate and gripe about how mistreated and/or misunderstood they are in short chronic bursts of attention-whoring. I see you nodding in agreement. Writing long, flowing, generous entries and not being complained at for it is not possible elsewhere. So here's where my words will live. Deal with it.
Got a call back from my gastroenterologist the other day. As I figured, the gallbladder test I had last week came back perfectly normal. At this point, the doctor feels his services are exhausted and I should now go back to my primary care physician for a referral to a physiatrist. In other words, he doesn't know what's causing the pain in my gut, but apparently doesn't care to keep testing. He's given up after two tests and only two office visits. An entire field of medical study totally exasperated in one month. People keep telling me I should be happy that I've got a clean bill of health but I remind them that the only reason I'm getting tested like a lab rat is because something potentially life threatening is wrong with me and pain is how my body is trying to get the message across. So what if my colon is perfect.
In all seriousness, though, I expected this. The guy didn't seem to be taking me seriously from the start. He kept saying I was too young to have the problems that would cause the pain I have and sure enough, after the tests, I don't have those illnesses. Finally being turned away and told to see a physiatrist is tantamount to telling me the pain is all in my head and I should just take some aspirin twice a day for the rest of my life and just get over myself. In other words, I'd be just wasting his time.
I'm tired of doctors.