Fic-move: Lips Of An Angel
And the move of my fics continues...
Title: Lips of an angel
Author: Mette, aka
snowisgreat
Rating: Smoking hot… or something...
Pairing: Three guesses….
Disclaimer: As always
Summary: Bam pays an unexpected visit at a HIM concert
A/N: Got the idea for this one from the song ”Lips of an angel” by Hinder, the sentence “You make it hard to be faithful” stuck in my mind and refused to leave, hence this little story. Thought I might as well recycle the title as well but with a little twist.
And if you think I have made Missy look bad in this one it was not intentional - I love her! XD
swampwitch9666 and
siakahleahwere my helping hands as they took on the job as betas - thank you sweeties!!
**************************************************************
The show has just ended and I’m amongst the first ones backstage. Normally I would have been there all the time, watching them from the side, but tonight I’m not alone. Missy is with me, and for some reason that makes me not wanna take my usual spot.
When I get to their dressing room, Missy in tow, only Burton is in there.
“Yo man, that was such a good show, it totally rocked!” I say excitedly as I walk over to give him a hug, glad he’s had time to change the sweaty shirt.
“Hey Bam, good to see you too man! I didn’t know you were gonna be here tonight?" he says as he hugs me back with a big smile.
I step back and point to Missy.
“It’s all due to this young lady: Burton, this is my fiancée Missy, Missy - Burton” I introduce them to each other.
The door opens and the rest of them tumble in, laughing and talking, Gas and Migé half-fighting. They all stop when they see me and exclaim a “Hey Bam, what are you doing here, good to see you again man!” before we exchange hugs.
The last one I say hi to is Ville and every little nerve in my body is very alert when we meet in a hug. I can’t believe he can keep having this affect on me.
“Bam Bam, I’m glad to see you, been too long” he whispers in my ear. Fuck, don’t wanna hear that. Yes I do…
After handing out beer for everyone we all sit down and I introduce Missy to the rest of them since Ville is the only one she’s met before. Ville, ever polite to his friends, never does anything that can reveal how much he hates me being with her. He has made it clear to me during our phone conversations: He wants me to himself. But he hides it well; no one can see it; not even me. In a way I’m glad he doesn’t show anything, on the other hand I want him to show me, and her, and all the others just how much he dislikes her being here because that would show that he loves me. But it would be a bad idea, I know.
We sit in the dressing room for a while, drinking beer and talking about the show, Missy partaking in the conversation just like she’d known them forever. That’s one thing I like about her. And of course there are other things as well but somehow not enough compared to the man I really wanna be with. Too late now, I’m tied to her plus we’re getting married soon, no time to back out. Just have to forget about Ville and the way he makes me feel.
“Okay guys - and girl - “ Ville says, getting up. “What do you say we move on from here? Find a nice little bar perhaps?”
Everyone quickly agrees and we start getting up and the others collect their stuff from all over the place before we head out the door. I leave the room as the second to last, followed by Ville. As we walk along the corridor I sense him moving up close behind me before I feel a pair of hands on my hips and hear a whisper in my ear:
“You have no idea how happy I am to see you, it was a very nice surprise… and you have no idea how much I hate seeing you with her…” My entire body clenches hearing him say that.
“I know,” I whisper, “and I’m sorry. It was her who insisted on coming, you know, having never seen you guys live before. Guess she wanted to know what I’m so crazy about or something”
“Hmm… But she’s seen me before Bammie,” he sniggers in my ear and it takes a few seconds before I get it.
“Er… yeah… “ Before I can think of a clever comeback we get to the exit door and Ville quickly lets go of my hips and move a bit further behind me, just before Missy comes over and grabs my hand, flashing me her pretty, ignorant smile.
We start walking down the street, none of us really knowing where to.
“Anyone got any ideas as to where to go?” Linde asks, looking around. “I don’t feel like walking too far”
“Well, I know a bar just one block from here, The Baron, maybe we should go there? It’s a really laid back rock place with pool and foosball and stuff. You wanna go there?” I had forgotten that Missy had family from here, of course she knows about the places to go.
“Yeah sure, sounds just fine to me” Ville says and the rest of us agree.
We get to the place and walk down the stairs; turns out it’s in a cellar. It looks a bit dodgy at first but the sound of Hank from Hell’s voice singing “Blow Me” soon convinces us it’s the right place. However, the lyrics make me think about anything but beer and foosball and I have to concentrate hard not to make it show.
If I gave you a turn on
Would you raise my antenna
If I gave you a dime
Would you blow my paradigm
If I gave you my candle
Would it be too hot to handle
If I ran for election
Would you support my erection
So blow me
Blow me like the wind
Blow me
Blow me once again
Pure torture. Especially when I catch his eye, seeing from his smirk and lifted eyebrow that he thinks exactly the same as me. I really should not have said yes to coming tonight, it was a bad idea. But I somehow could not think of any excuse to give Missy when she knows how much I like them, she would have been suspicious.
The bar itself is actually quite cool and I’m surprised Missy knows a place like this. This is the kind of bar I prefer going to, the others too, but Missy is mostly into more “classy” places. I look around and take in the feel of the place.
The walls were once white but years of tobacco smoke have given them that distinct yellow, piss-stained colour. The furniture is old and ragged, the fabric on the sofas and chair seats coming off on most seats, and the tables have traces of the condensed water from numerous beer bottles making rings, accompanied by the marks of cigarettes not moved before they burned the table. I wonder what this place used to be because it consists of several small rooms all interlinked, with door openings so low we need to duck our heads to get through, it’s almost like a dungeon of sorts, just not as spooky. The other guests hardly raise an eye when we enter, making all of us relax without even realising we were tensed up in the first place. That’s what it’s always like, being like us. You walk into a place and half expect someone to recognize you and to start drawing attention to you, unwanted attention mostly. No one does that down here and I immediately like the place, don’t think I could have handled fans tonight on top of it all.
We find a table in one of the small enclosures and I head to the bar together with Linde to get drinks for everyone.
“Are you okay Bam?” Linde asks, looking at me with a scrutinizing look.
“Yeah, of course I’m fine, I’ve just seen my favourite band at a great concert together with my girlfriend and now we’re having a beer, so yeah, sure I’m fine!” I feel I'm babbling but I smile at him, refusing to acknowledge the real question.
“Yeah sure Bam. I know you don’t expect me to believe it, but it’s okay, I know it’s gotta hurt. It’s a horrible situation to be in and I really feel bad for you.”
“Thanks mate…” It doesn’t make it any easier for me to hear him say that but it comforts me in a strange way.
“But I gotta admit I thought you were a real fuck just when I heard about it, until Ville explained!” Linde says, grinning one of his careful laughs at me.
When we get back with the drinks I see Ville and Missy talking together, both looking very serious, and I practically go rigid. What if he says something? No, he wouldn’t, I know he wouldn’t. I pray to God he won’t.
The only free seat is next to Ville on his right side, Missy sitting at his left. I take a seat and turn to listen to Migé and Burton’s conversation, trying hard to hear what Ville is saying to Missy at the same time. I really wish I knew what they were talking about, especially when I hear my name mentioned once in a while and none of them seem to be laughing so they can’t be joking about my weird ideas or latest bone-breaking adventures.
I don’t know how long we’ve been there before I suddenly feel a hand on my thigh, giving it a light squeeze at first, then slowly starting to caress my leg in intricate patterns. I jerk my head to the side to look at him but he is still very focused on the conversation with Missy, resting his head in the palm of his left hand, leaning over the table so she cannot see what his right hand is doing under the table. I hear her telling him something about the Playboy party.
That fuck. He knows very well how nervous I am when the two of them are in the same room and then for him to do this… I feel myself blushing under his touch and I appreciate the dimmed lighting.
I sit completely still, trying not to drop out of the other conversation, seeing as I was just in the middle of telling them about my new show. I quickly round it off; knowing that it will soon be very difficult for me to speak without letting what is going on under the table show in my voice.
Oh my god, it feels so good to have his hands on me again and I am by no means unaffected. He feels that too when he places his hand on the bulge in my crotch, squeezing and rubbing it, making me swallow, the sounds threatening to escape my throat.
When his fingers start fumbling with my belt buckle I have to stop it, otherwise I cannot hide it anymore.
“ ‘Scuse me Mige, gotta go take a piss” I say as I hurry past him, almost knocking over my chair in my attempt to get away from Ville’s hand.
I leave our little booth and start looking for the men’s room. Goddammit, it’s like a fucking maze in here! I find the door with the icon of a little man and praise the lord when I see it’s empty. I lock the door behind me and lean against it, trying to calm down, however difficult it is. When I almost have my breathing under control again and the slight pain in my pants where my cock is trapped has started to recede a bit, I hear a knock on the door, barely audible.
“Open the door, Bam,” a voice says.
I slowly turn around and unlock the door, pulling it open just enough to look out.
“Wha… eh, what? I ask, having to swallow hard before being able to speak properly.
“Let me in, okay?” he looks at me begging with a look I can’t really read. He looks serious but still has that little wrinkle by his mouth and eye, suggesting he is about to laugh
“Ville, I can’t, you know I can’t…” I weakly object.
“Oh but yes, you can,” he chuckles, pushing me back when opening the door. Once inside it only takes him an instant to lock the door again and press my back up against it.
“Bam, I just cannot see you and then not touch you, you know that, you drive me crazy!” he says, looking me square in the eyes.
“I do believe you lost that privilege about, hmm, what can it be? Seven months ago, when you told me you had had enough of me!” I hiss at him. Being angry is so much easier than showing how I really feel.
“I know darling, I know, and I’m so sorry… so incredibly sorry, you know that…” he whispers, lowering his gaze. “I really fucked up good there, didn’t I?” he whispers again, resting his forehead on my shoulder.
“Yeah, you did… you fucked up big-time…” I reply with a kiss to his hair. I wish I could have seen his face; that would have made it easier for me to decide the level of truth in what he says. I know he’s sorry but I’m not sure if he is sorry for having lost ME or sorry for having lost a good fuck.
“I practically pushed you right into her arms when I told you to get out of my life and I know I’m just getting what I deserve for being such an arse, but I still miss you horribly Bam Bam, you know that, right?” Oh yes, I know… I miss him too but I believe our reasons for missing each other are different. It’s too scary to think they could be the same.
“And I know you can’t leave her now, but still…” He lifts his head and looks me in the eyes again. “Can I kiss you? Just one last kiss I mean? Then I promise I’ll stay away, I just need to taste you one more time before I let you go, is that okay?” he asks while pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear. Just that little touch makes me shiver and I can’t get my eyes off his lips. I love them. They look so sweet and angelic and yet they are devilish and I know I shouldn’t trust one single word that spills over them; he proved that to me time and time again when we were together.
“Goddammit Ville, you make it really fucking difficult to be faithful, you know that?!" I hiss in defeat before I go on: "But yeah… yeah, I suppose a kiss would be okay… but that’s it, all right? Just one kiss and then no more!”
He leans in close to me and I feel his lips on mine again for the first time in seven months. Fuck how I’ve longed for that feeling!
To begin with our lips are just touching but I soon want more so I open my lips to invite him in. I feel him opening his eyes and looking at me, no doubt with a quizzical look, but I just keep my eyes shut and open my mouth a bit more. He needs no more encouragement and soon our tongues are playing their violent game again after so long time apart, trying desperately to examine every little corner of each other’s mouths while we have the chance.
I put my hands in his belt straps and pull him closer, feeling him grinding his hips against mine, hating myself for not being able to say no.
Our hands start feeling their way all over each other’s bodies and he is touching me in all the places he knows will set me off. All I can do is moan, whimper and silently beg for more.
When he unzips my pants and pulls them down to let my cock out, I know I’ve lost. No going back now.
“I noticed you were not completely unaffected by the song when we came in, so I’m gonna fulfill your wish” he smirks.
“Wish? What wish?” I don’t get it.
“To blow you darling…. Unless you don’t want me to of course?” he asks with a pout, trying to look real innocent.
“Fuck yeah, blow away!” I can’t believe I’m saying this; I’m so going to Hell.
He kneels before me and starts jerking me off with hands lubricated in his own saliva before his mouth takes over. The feeling of his warm, raspy, skilled tongue making its way up and down my shaft is unbearable and I laze my fingers into his hair to force him to go faster, another wish he doesn’t hesitate to fulfill.
Just before I’m coming he stops and gets up to kiss me again, this time a very rough kiss, crushing our lips together to the point of being almost too painful but yet still to damned good. I would like to think he can’t read me well enough to know that I was almost there and that he just broke it off at that point by coincidence but chances are that no, he still knows how to interpret every single signal my body is sending and he deliberately stopped just to tease me. My suspicion is soon confirmed.
“I want to fuck you, Bam,” he half states, half asks without breaking off the kiss completely.
I feel as if I’m digging my own grave when I say yes without hesitation.
Our lips only part for a brief moment as we pull our shirts off, before we again kiss brutally while getting our pants off too. We are both so eager that we almost fall over in our haste to get rid of all that fabric between us and I can’t wait to feel his skin against mine again.
He breaks off the kiss and takes my head between his hands to make me look him in the eyes: “You can still say stop, you know that? We don’t have to do this, it’s your decision.” His words catch me by surprise; he’s never shown much consideration for my feelings before although I know he cares. Maybe it’s the guilt of dismissing me like the biggest ass on earth those seven months ago that’s talking. I still don’t know if he’s sincere and I’m beginning to think I might never be able to tell.
“You know, I said it before: You make it fucking hard to be faithful, Ville, you really do. And the thought of Missy sitting out there, knowing nothing, is killing me, but we both know I can’t say no, however much I want to…” I say before kissing him again, softly this time.
“Okay sweetheart… if you’re sure you want to do this you just say the word…”
“Word.”
With that he lifts my left leg up to rest on his hip before spitting on his fingers and then letting them circle around my hole, making me groan with pleasure. Finally, finally he lets one slip in… then another, and it just feels so good. He keeps moving them around inside of me, touching me in just the right way and and in the right places until I feel like screaming and I beg him to fuck me.
“Ville just, please…. Just fuck me, okay?” I manage to mumble and thankfully he knows we don’t have time for him to continue his games.
I jump a little and he lifts my right leg, pushing me hard up against the door so I won’t fall down. Then he positions himself under me and I slowly slide down onto him. Oh my god, I had almost forgotten how good this feels, the pleasure caused by the pain making it almost too much for me. It burns like hell as he is slowly forcing his way deeper and deeper into me and I can definitely feel that it’s been seven months since I was fucked last time. It hurts and aches and it feels so fucking good that it doesn’t take much before I feel my orgasm is nearing again and this time I won’t be robbed of my release.
He lifts me a little and as I sink down one last time he thrusts up into me and that does it, I’m coming, no longer managing to be quiet. Feeling me tense around his cock makes Ville follow in my trail and come too, almost causing us to fall to the floor when we both practically go limp from the orgasm.
After a little while of just breathing heavily and regaining our strength he grins at me: “Hah, surely don’t hope she heard you come, then you’ll be fucked - in more ways then one!”
“Shit! Do you think anyone could hear it?! FUCK!” I moan, this time out of despair and a feeling of panic. I don’t want Missy to know, she doesn’t deserve a cheating husband.
“No, no, darling, don’t worry, the music’s too loud and they sit in the other end of the place. There’s no way they can hear us,” he says before planting a reassuring kiss on my lips, then one on my cheek.
We quickly get out clothes back on, both fully aware that we have been away for far too long.
“Okay, you go first then I’ll follow in a couple of minutes.” Ville says, opens the door and shoves me out of the restroom.
“No Ville, wait,” I say and put my foot in the door opening. “I just… I just need to know… Have you told her anything? Anything about us? When you were talking before?” I fear his answer.
“Bam… I might have acted really stupid in the past but I wouldn’t do that. I haven’t said one single word that could imply anything that has ever happened between the two of us, past or present, and I never will. Trust me.” he says and looks me straight in the eyes. I believe him. I actually believe him.
“I know I say a lot of shit and I know that lying is a natural part of me but I would never say something to reveal us to her because I know you would not forgive me fore that and it would mean me losing you completely and I don’t want that. I need to still have you in my life, however far out.”
Oh my god. Words like these are what I’ve been waiting to hear him say ever since I met him first time four years ago. Damn you for saying them seven months too late!
“Oh… okay. Good. Thanks.” I manage to stutter as I turn around, no longer able to look at him. “See you at the table” I mumble and leave him.
I walk back to the others, hoping no one will notice how long we were gone or how I’m still blushing.
“Hi honey, are you okay?” she asks, flashing me one of her broad smiles.
“Eh yeah, sure, I’m fine, just got a little…” I say, pointing my index finger to my head and making circles, indicating that I got dizzy… or something.
“Oh, okay. Are you fine now then? Do you want some water or something to eat, or something else?” she asks, running her fingers through my hair soothingly, looking at me with a worried expression on her face.
“Nah, it’s okay, I’m good.” I smile at her, eager to change the topic of conversation. “Hope you weren’t too bored, left here with these fuckers!” I say jokingly, pointing to the rest of the band.
“Oh no, don’t you worry man, we took excellent care of her in your absence.” Burton laughs.
I see them all sitting there smiling and I can’t help but worry if any of them know or maybe just suspect anything. There is no doubt in my mind that if they knew what just happened none of them would approve. No wonder, neither do I.
Then I see Ville coming back, big smile on his face. Please try and hide your post-orgasm high a bit more, you idiot! Well, none of the others seem to notice anything - whether they’re hiding it well or simply don’t suspect it.
The next hours pass quite quickly and I’m surprised when I look at my phone and see it’s almost 3 am.
I didn’t think I would have been able to relax after our visit to the bathroom but seeing Missy sitting there completely oblivious must have calmed me down. I can’t help but smile at this realization. I might even get to love her naivety, however much it annoys me at other times. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I can even get to love all of her in time? Because this forcing myself to act as if I love her is fucking hard and the closer we get to the wedding and everything else the harder it gets. I wish I could just pack my stuff and leave her but Ville has definitely taught me the hard way that being left hurts. I’m not gonna do that to her, she doesn’t deserve that. So I keep up my act and behave as I’m supposed to and praise myself lucky that I have found someone who actually loves me and that I’m such a good actor.
A hand on my thigh quickly brings me out of my thoughts; surely he can’t be doing it again?!
“Hey Vil….” I start whispering before I realise it’s not his hand, it’s Missy’s.
“What did you say honey?” she asks, sticking her face almost into mine.
“Oh, eh.., nothing, just thinking...” I excuse while jerking my head back.
“Okay” she smiles. “Well, I just wanted to let you know that I love these guys, they are so nice. I completely understand why you are so crazy about them.” About him you mean, about him, I correct her in my head.
“Yeah, they are, aren’t they?” I smile back at her, before casting a look at the band. They are great but he is the greatest.
“Uhm honey, what do you say we head home now? It’s a two hour drive and I’m getting tired. Don’t wanna fall asleep at the wheel.”
“Uh, yeah, okay, guess you’re right… I’m sorry; I should have stayed sober so you don’t have to drive.”
“No no, that’s okay, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” She smiles back at me. Always smiling. If only she knew. That would make the smile fade. But I don’t want it to. As long as she smiles we’re okay.
We both get up and she takes my hand.
“Okay guys, we’re gonna leave you now, it’s getting late and all… but it was really good to see you all again, and you know the show rocked!” I say and make the horns with my pinkie and index finger.
“You’re leaving now? Well, it was really good to see you again man, and to meet you too Missy,” Gas says and smiles at us.
Ville gets up and goes over to Missy, takes her hand between both of his and makes a little bow. “It was very good to see you again Missy, take care of yourself and Bam and the… yeah, just take care,” he smiles at her. I know him well enough to see and hear how he is really making an effort to make it sound sincere. I suppose it does to everyone else but me.
We do the round, hugging our goodbyes, see you soon’s and whatever. I feel like crying when I hug Ville and I feel him holding on to me just a little tighter and a little longer than what is normal.
“I love you” he whispers in my ear before letting go. Fuck you. I don’t know if he can read my mind but he can surely see how my eyes are getting a little wetter. Fuck you. I love you too.
Missy takes my hand again and we head towards the door, momentarily getting lost in the maze before finding the exit.
When we get out in the street again we start walking towards the concert venue where we parked the car.
“You know Bam, I’m really glad we came tonight, I’ve had a really good time,” she says. “And it was sooo good to get out of the house properly for a change, I don’t suppose I will have many more chances for the next few months,” she says smiling, looking down on her stomach, caressing it.
It was never supposed to have happened; she was just the rebound-shag. In two month’s time we will be married and parents. Fuck.
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The song they listen to when they first enter the bar is "Blow Me" by Turbonegro.
Title: Lips of an angel
Author: Mette, aka
snowisgreat
Rating: Smoking hot… or something...
Pairing: Three guesses….
Disclaimer: As always
Summary: Bam pays an unexpected visit at a HIM concert
A/N: Got the idea for this one from the song ”Lips of an angel” by Hinder, the sentence “You make it hard to be faithful” stuck in my mind and refused to leave, hence this little story. Thought I might as well recycle the title as well but with a little twist.
And if you think I have made Missy look bad in this one it was not intentional - I love her! XD
swampwitch9666 and
siakahleahwere my helping hands as they took on the job as betas - thank you sweeties!!
**************************************************************
The show has just ended and I’m amongst the first ones backstage. Normally I would have been there all the time, watching them from the side, but tonight I’m not alone. Missy is with me, and for some reason that makes me not wanna take my usual spot.
When I get to their dressing room, Missy in tow, only Burton is in there.
“Yo man, that was such a good show, it totally rocked!” I say excitedly as I walk over to give him a hug, glad he’s had time to change the sweaty shirt.
“Hey Bam, good to see you too man! I didn’t know you were gonna be here tonight?" he says as he hugs me back with a big smile.
I step back and point to Missy.
“It’s all due to this young lady: Burton, this is my fiancée Missy, Missy - Burton” I introduce them to each other.
The door opens and the rest of them tumble in, laughing and talking, Gas and Migé half-fighting. They all stop when they see me and exclaim a “Hey Bam, what are you doing here, good to see you again man!” before we exchange hugs.
The last one I say hi to is Ville and every little nerve in my body is very alert when we meet in a hug. I can’t believe he can keep having this affect on me.
“Bam Bam, I’m glad to see you, been too long” he whispers in my ear. Fuck, don’t wanna hear that. Yes I do…
After handing out beer for everyone we all sit down and I introduce Missy to the rest of them since Ville is the only one she’s met before. Ville, ever polite to his friends, never does anything that can reveal how much he hates me being with her. He has made it clear to me during our phone conversations: He wants me to himself. But he hides it well; no one can see it; not even me. In a way I’m glad he doesn’t show anything, on the other hand I want him to show me, and her, and all the others just how much he dislikes her being here because that would show that he loves me. But it would be a bad idea, I know.
We sit in the dressing room for a while, drinking beer and talking about the show, Missy partaking in the conversation just like she’d known them forever. That’s one thing I like about her. And of course there are other things as well but somehow not enough compared to the man I really wanna be with. Too late now, I’m tied to her plus we’re getting married soon, no time to back out. Just have to forget about Ville and the way he makes me feel.
“Okay guys - and girl - “ Ville says, getting up. “What do you say we move on from here? Find a nice little bar perhaps?”
Everyone quickly agrees and we start getting up and the others collect their stuff from all over the place before we head out the door. I leave the room as the second to last, followed by Ville. As we walk along the corridor I sense him moving up close behind me before I feel a pair of hands on my hips and hear a whisper in my ear:
“You have no idea how happy I am to see you, it was a very nice surprise… and you have no idea how much I hate seeing you with her…” My entire body clenches hearing him say that.
“I know,” I whisper, “and I’m sorry. It was her who insisted on coming, you know, having never seen you guys live before. Guess she wanted to know what I’m so crazy about or something”
“Hmm… But she’s seen me before Bammie,” he sniggers in my ear and it takes a few seconds before I get it.
“Er… yeah… “ Before I can think of a clever comeback we get to the exit door and Ville quickly lets go of my hips and move a bit further behind me, just before Missy comes over and grabs my hand, flashing me her pretty, ignorant smile.
We start walking down the street, none of us really knowing where to.
“Anyone got any ideas as to where to go?” Linde asks, looking around. “I don’t feel like walking too far”
“Well, I know a bar just one block from here, The Baron, maybe we should go there? It’s a really laid back rock place with pool and foosball and stuff. You wanna go there?” I had forgotten that Missy had family from here, of course she knows about the places to go.
“Yeah sure, sounds just fine to me” Ville says and the rest of us agree.
We get to the place and walk down the stairs; turns out it’s in a cellar. It looks a bit dodgy at first but the sound of Hank from Hell’s voice singing “Blow Me” soon convinces us it’s the right place. However, the lyrics make me think about anything but beer and foosball and I have to concentrate hard not to make it show.
If I gave you a turn on
Would you raise my antenna
If I gave you a dime
Would you blow my paradigm
If I gave you my candle
Would it be too hot to handle
If I ran for election
Would you support my erection
So blow me
Blow me like the wind
Blow me
Blow me once again
Pure torture. Especially when I catch his eye, seeing from his smirk and lifted eyebrow that he thinks exactly the same as me. I really should not have said yes to coming tonight, it was a bad idea. But I somehow could not think of any excuse to give Missy when she knows how much I like them, she would have been suspicious.
The bar itself is actually quite cool and I’m surprised Missy knows a place like this. This is the kind of bar I prefer going to, the others too, but Missy is mostly into more “classy” places. I look around and take in the feel of the place.
The walls were once white but years of tobacco smoke have given them that distinct yellow, piss-stained colour. The furniture is old and ragged, the fabric on the sofas and chair seats coming off on most seats, and the tables have traces of the condensed water from numerous beer bottles making rings, accompanied by the marks of cigarettes not moved before they burned the table. I wonder what this place used to be because it consists of several small rooms all interlinked, with door openings so low we need to duck our heads to get through, it’s almost like a dungeon of sorts, just not as spooky. The other guests hardly raise an eye when we enter, making all of us relax without even realising we were tensed up in the first place. That’s what it’s always like, being like us. You walk into a place and half expect someone to recognize you and to start drawing attention to you, unwanted attention mostly. No one does that down here and I immediately like the place, don’t think I could have handled fans tonight on top of it all.
We find a table in one of the small enclosures and I head to the bar together with Linde to get drinks for everyone.
“Are you okay Bam?” Linde asks, looking at me with a scrutinizing look.
“Yeah, of course I’m fine, I’ve just seen my favourite band at a great concert together with my girlfriend and now we’re having a beer, so yeah, sure I’m fine!” I feel I'm babbling but I smile at him, refusing to acknowledge the real question.
“Yeah sure Bam. I know you don’t expect me to believe it, but it’s okay, I know it’s gotta hurt. It’s a horrible situation to be in and I really feel bad for you.”
“Thanks mate…” It doesn’t make it any easier for me to hear him say that but it comforts me in a strange way.
“But I gotta admit I thought you were a real fuck just when I heard about it, until Ville explained!” Linde says, grinning one of his careful laughs at me.
When we get back with the drinks I see Ville and Missy talking together, both looking very serious, and I practically go rigid. What if he says something? No, he wouldn’t, I know he wouldn’t. I pray to God he won’t.
The only free seat is next to Ville on his right side, Missy sitting at his left. I take a seat and turn to listen to Migé and Burton’s conversation, trying hard to hear what Ville is saying to Missy at the same time. I really wish I knew what they were talking about, especially when I hear my name mentioned once in a while and none of them seem to be laughing so they can’t be joking about my weird ideas or latest bone-breaking adventures.
I don’t know how long we’ve been there before I suddenly feel a hand on my thigh, giving it a light squeeze at first, then slowly starting to caress my leg in intricate patterns. I jerk my head to the side to look at him but he is still very focused on the conversation with Missy, resting his head in the palm of his left hand, leaning over the table so she cannot see what his right hand is doing under the table. I hear her telling him something about the Playboy party.
That fuck. He knows very well how nervous I am when the two of them are in the same room and then for him to do this… I feel myself blushing under his touch and I appreciate the dimmed lighting.
I sit completely still, trying not to drop out of the other conversation, seeing as I was just in the middle of telling them about my new show. I quickly round it off; knowing that it will soon be very difficult for me to speak without letting what is going on under the table show in my voice.
Oh my god, it feels so good to have his hands on me again and I am by no means unaffected. He feels that too when he places his hand on the bulge in my crotch, squeezing and rubbing it, making me swallow, the sounds threatening to escape my throat.
When his fingers start fumbling with my belt buckle I have to stop it, otherwise I cannot hide it anymore.
“ ‘Scuse me Mige, gotta go take a piss” I say as I hurry past him, almost knocking over my chair in my attempt to get away from Ville’s hand.
I leave our little booth and start looking for the men’s room. Goddammit, it’s like a fucking maze in here! I find the door with the icon of a little man and praise the lord when I see it’s empty. I lock the door behind me and lean against it, trying to calm down, however difficult it is. When I almost have my breathing under control again and the slight pain in my pants where my cock is trapped has started to recede a bit, I hear a knock on the door, barely audible.
“Open the door, Bam,” a voice says.
I slowly turn around and unlock the door, pulling it open just enough to look out.
“Wha… eh, what? I ask, having to swallow hard before being able to speak properly.
“Let me in, okay?” he looks at me begging with a look I can’t really read. He looks serious but still has that little wrinkle by his mouth and eye, suggesting he is about to laugh
“Ville, I can’t, you know I can’t…” I weakly object.
“Oh but yes, you can,” he chuckles, pushing me back when opening the door. Once inside it only takes him an instant to lock the door again and press my back up against it.
“Bam, I just cannot see you and then not touch you, you know that, you drive me crazy!” he says, looking me square in the eyes.
“I do believe you lost that privilege about, hmm, what can it be? Seven months ago, when you told me you had had enough of me!” I hiss at him. Being angry is so much easier than showing how I really feel.
“I know darling, I know, and I’m so sorry… so incredibly sorry, you know that…” he whispers, lowering his gaze. “I really fucked up good there, didn’t I?” he whispers again, resting his forehead on my shoulder.
“Yeah, you did… you fucked up big-time…” I reply with a kiss to his hair. I wish I could have seen his face; that would have made it easier for me to decide the level of truth in what he says. I know he’s sorry but I’m not sure if he is sorry for having lost ME or sorry for having lost a good fuck.
“I practically pushed you right into her arms when I told you to get out of my life and I know I’m just getting what I deserve for being such an arse, but I still miss you horribly Bam Bam, you know that, right?” Oh yes, I know… I miss him too but I believe our reasons for missing each other are different. It’s too scary to think they could be the same.
“And I know you can’t leave her now, but still…” He lifts his head and looks me in the eyes again. “Can I kiss you? Just one last kiss I mean? Then I promise I’ll stay away, I just need to taste you one more time before I let you go, is that okay?” he asks while pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear. Just that little touch makes me shiver and I can’t get my eyes off his lips. I love them. They look so sweet and angelic and yet they are devilish and I know I shouldn’t trust one single word that spills over them; he proved that to me time and time again when we were together.
“Goddammit Ville, you make it really fucking difficult to be faithful, you know that?!" I hiss in defeat before I go on: "But yeah… yeah, I suppose a kiss would be okay… but that’s it, all right? Just one kiss and then no more!”
He leans in close to me and I feel his lips on mine again for the first time in seven months. Fuck how I’ve longed for that feeling!
To begin with our lips are just touching but I soon want more so I open my lips to invite him in. I feel him opening his eyes and looking at me, no doubt with a quizzical look, but I just keep my eyes shut and open my mouth a bit more. He needs no more encouragement and soon our tongues are playing their violent game again after so long time apart, trying desperately to examine every little corner of each other’s mouths while we have the chance.
I put my hands in his belt straps and pull him closer, feeling him grinding his hips against mine, hating myself for not being able to say no.
Our hands start feeling their way all over each other’s bodies and he is touching me in all the places he knows will set me off. All I can do is moan, whimper and silently beg for more.
When he unzips my pants and pulls them down to let my cock out, I know I’ve lost. No going back now.
“I noticed you were not completely unaffected by the song when we came in, so I’m gonna fulfill your wish” he smirks.
“Wish? What wish?” I don’t get it.
“To blow you darling…. Unless you don’t want me to of course?” he asks with a pout, trying to look real innocent.
“Fuck yeah, blow away!” I can’t believe I’m saying this; I’m so going to Hell.
He kneels before me and starts jerking me off with hands lubricated in his own saliva before his mouth takes over. The feeling of his warm, raspy, skilled tongue making its way up and down my shaft is unbearable and I laze my fingers into his hair to force him to go faster, another wish he doesn’t hesitate to fulfill.
Just before I’m coming he stops and gets up to kiss me again, this time a very rough kiss, crushing our lips together to the point of being almost too painful but yet still to damned good. I would like to think he can’t read me well enough to know that I was almost there and that he just broke it off at that point by coincidence but chances are that no, he still knows how to interpret every single signal my body is sending and he deliberately stopped just to tease me. My suspicion is soon confirmed.
“I want to fuck you, Bam,” he half states, half asks without breaking off the kiss completely.
I feel as if I’m digging my own grave when I say yes without hesitation.
Our lips only part for a brief moment as we pull our shirts off, before we again kiss brutally while getting our pants off too. We are both so eager that we almost fall over in our haste to get rid of all that fabric between us and I can’t wait to feel his skin against mine again.
He breaks off the kiss and takes my head between his hands to make me look him in the eyes: “You can still say stop, you know that? We don’t have to do this, it’s your decision.” His words catch me by surprise; he’s never shown much consideration for my feelings before although I know he cares. Maybe it’s the guilt of dismissing me like the biggest ass on earth those seven months ago that’s talking. I still don’t know if he’s sincere and I’m beginning to think I might never be able to tell.
“You know, I said it before: You make it fucking hard to be faithful, Ville, you really do. And the thought of Missy sitting out there, knowing nothing, is killing me, but we both know I can’t say no, however much I want to…” I say before kissing him again, softly this time.
“Okay sweetheart… if you’re sure you want to do this you just say the word…”
“Word.”
With that he lifts my left leg up to rest on his hip before spitting on his fingers and then letting them circle around my hole, making me groan with pleasure. Finally, finally he lets one slip in… then another, and it just feels so good. He keeps moving them around inside of me, touching me in just the right way and and in the right places until I feel like screaming and I beg him to fuck me.
“Ville just, please…. Just fuck me, okay?” I manage to mumble and thankfully he knows we don’t have time for him to continue his games.
I jump a little and he lifts my right leg, pushing me hard up against the door so I won’t fall down. Then he positions himself under me and I slowly slide down onto him. Oh my god, I had almost forgotten how good this feels, the pleasure caused by the pain making it almost too much for me. It burns like hell as he is slowly forcing his way deeper and deeper into me and I can definitely feel that it’s been seven months since I was fucked last time. It hurts and aches and it feels so fucking good that it doesn’t take much before I feel my orgasm is nearing again and this time I won’t be robbed of my release.
He lifts me a little and as I sink down one last time he thrusts up into me and that does it, I’m coming, no longer managing to be quiet. Feeling me tense around his cock makes Ville follow in my trail and come too, almost causing us to fall to the floor when we both practically go limp from the orgasm.
After a little while of just breathing heavily and regaining our strength he grins at me: “Hah, surely don’t hope she heard you come, then you’ll be fucked - in more ways then one!”
“Shit! Do you think anyone could hear it?! FUCK!” I moan, this time out of despair and a feeling of panic. I don’t want Missy to know, she doesn’t deserve a cheating husband.
“No, no, darling, don’t worry, the music’s too loud and they sit in the other end of the place. There’s no way they can hear us,” he says before planting a reassuring kiss on my lips, then one on my cheek.
We quickly get out clothes back on, both fully aware that we have been away for far too long.
“Okay, you go first then I’ll follow in a couple of minutes.” Ville says, opens the door and shoves me out of the restroom.
“No Ville, wait,” I say and put my foot in the door opening. “I just… I just need to know… Have you told her anything? Anything about us? When you were talking before?” I fear his answer.
“Bam… I might have acted really stupid in the past but I wouldn’t do that. I haven’t said one single word that could imply anything that has ever happened between the two of us, past or present, and I never will. Trust me.” he says and looks me straight in the eyes. I believe him. I actually believe him.
“I know I say a lot of shit and I know that lying is a natural part of me but I would never say something to reveal us to her because I know you would not forgive me fore that and it would mean me losing you completely and I don’t want that. I need to still have you in my life, however far out.”
Oh my god. Words like these are what I’ve been waiting to hear him say ever since I met him first time four years ago. Damn you for saying them seven months too late!
“Oh… okay. Good. Thanks.” I manage to stutter as I turn around, no longer able to look at him. “See you at the table” I mumble and leave him.
I walk back to the others, hoping no one will notice how long we were gone or how I’m still blushing.
“Hi honey, are you okay?” she asks, flashing me one of her broad smiles.
“Eh yeah, sure, I’m fine, just got a little…” I say, pointing my index finger to my head and making circles, indicating that I got dizzy… or something.
“Oh, okay. Are you fine now then? Do you want some water or something to eat, or something else?” she asks, running her fingers through my hair soothingly, looking at me with a worried expression on her face.
“Nah, it’s okay, I’m good.” I smile at her, eager to change the topic of conversation. “Hope you weren’t too bored, left here with these fuckers!” I say jokingly, pointing to the rest of the band.
“Oh no, don’t you worry man, we took excellent care of her in your absence.” Burton laughs.
I see them all sitting there smiling and I can’t help but worry if any of them know or maybe just suspect anything. There is no doubt in my mind that if they knew what just happened none of them would approve. No wonder, neither do I.
Then I see Ville coming back, big smile on his face. Please try and hide your post-orgasm high a bit more, you idiot! Well, none of the others seem to notice anything - whether they’re hiding it well or simply don’t suspect it.
The next hours pass quite quickly and I’m surprised when I look at my phone and see it’s almost 3 am.
I didn’t think I would have been able to relax after our visit to the bathroom but seeing Missy sitting there completely oblivious must have calmed me down. I can’t help but smile at this realization. I might even get to love her naivety, however much it annoys me at other times. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I can even get to love all of her in time? Because this forcing myself to act as if I love her is fucking hard and the closer we get to the wedding and everything else the harder it gets. I wish I could just pack my stuff and leave her but Ville has definitely taught me the hard way that being left hurts. I’m not gonna do that to her, she doesn’t deserve that. So I keep up my act and behave as I’m supposed to and praise myself lucky that I have found someone who actually loves me and that I’m such a good actor.
A hand on my thigh quickly brings me out of my thoughts; surely he can’t be doing it again?!
“Hey Vil….” I start whispering before I realise it’s not his hand, it’s Missy’s.
“What did you say honey?” she asks, sticking her face almost into mine.
“Oh, eh.., nothing, just thinking...” I excuse while jerking my head back.
“Okay” she smiles. “Well, I just wanted to let you know that I love these guys, they are so nice. I completely understand why you are so crazy about them.” About him you mean, about him, I correct her in my head.
“Yeah, they are, aren’t they?” I smile back at her, before casting a look at the band. They are great but he is the greatest.
“Uhm honey, what do you say we head home now? It’s a two hour drive and I’m getting tired. Don’t wanna fall asleep at the wheel.”
“Uh, yeah, okay, guess you’re right… I’m sorry; I should have stayed sober so you don’t have to drive.”
“No no, that’s okay, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” She smiles back at me. Always smiling. If only she knew. That would make the smile fade. But I don’t want it to. As long as she smiles we’re okay.
We both get up and she takes my hand.
“Okay guys, we’re gonna leave you now, it’s getting late and all… but it was really good to see you all again, and you know the show rocked!” I say and make the horns with my pinkie and index finger.
“You’re leaving now? Well, it was really good to see you again man, and to meet you too Missy,” Gas says and smiles at us.
Ville gets up and goes over to Missy, takes her hand between both of his and makes a little bow. “It was very good to see you again Missy, take care of yourself and Bam and the… yeah, just take care,” he smiles at her. I know him well enough to see and hear how he is really making an effort to make it sound sincere. I suppose it does to everyone else but me.
We do the round, hugging our goodbyes, see you soon’s and whatever. I feel like crying when I hug Ville and I feel him holding on to me just a little tighter and a little longer than what is normal.
“I love you” he whispers in my ear before letting go. Fuck you. I don’t know if he can read my mind but he can surely see how my eyes are getting a little wetter. Fuck you. I love you too.
Missy takes my hand again and we head towards the door, momentarily getting lost in the maze before finding the exit.
When we get out in the street again we start walking towards the concert venue where we parked the car.
“You know Bam, I’m really glad we came tonight, I’ve had a really good time,” she says. “And it was sooo good to get out of the house properly for a change, I don’t suppose I will have many more chances for the next few months,” she says smiling, looking down on her stomach, caressing it.
It was never supposed to have happened; she was just the rebound-shag. In two month’s time we will be married and parents. Fuck.
********************************************
The song they listen to when they first enter the bar is "Blow Me" by Turbonegro.