FIC: Congratulations, It's a Boy! (PG)
Title: Congratulations, It's a Boy!
Type: Fic
Age-Range Category: Three
Characters: Various
Author: blueartemis07
Rating: PG
Click to View [Warning(s)]This is very AU.
Summary: No one knew the real Severus Snape. This turns out very well for the Boy-Who-Lived.
November 2, 1981
When Petunia Dursley walked outside and found her nephew shivering under a thin blanket in the early morning, a failing spell keeping him in the basket, she did the only thing she could think of at that moment. She took a heavier blanket and one of her Dudley's bottles and went outside and gave the bottle to the baby and placed the blanket around him. She may be a squib but she knew darn well not to pick up the basket and take it inside.
She picked up her phone and dialed a number she knew so well, she'd never written it down.
"This better be life or death. I'm not in the bloody mood for anything else!" declared the raspy, tear choked voice on the other end.
"Severus Snape, you may be my cousin, but you may not speak to me like that. Considering someone left Harry on my step like an unwanted cat or a bottle of milk under a thin blanket with a failing sticking charm, you better believe it is life or death!" Petunia managed to both whisper and screech at the same time.
"Oh! fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole! That doddering old fool! How dare he do that to Lily's child!" He took a deep breath, "Do you need me to come take him?"
"Please, Severus."
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Severus considered his life in the few seconds it took him to ask Petunia if he needed to go pick up Harry.
The Unspeakables recruited him at the same time that Riddle was pushing Malfoy to recruit him. Once Severus was given Riddle's background, he was more than happy to have an alternate route. And after he read of Dumbledore's history, he found that there was a thin line between what was considered good and what was evil.
He was given permission to tell Lily of his findings, and of the fact that they were related. That was what prompted the entire Mudblood pantomime, they wanted to hide the relationship from Dumbledore.
He had spent the years since he left Hogwarts hiding his true self from everyone except Lily and Petunia, who had figured out early on that Dumbledore wasn't as progressive as he likes to come across.
Petunia had tagged along when Severus and Lily had gotten their wands. Ollivander had offered her what he called a "hedge witch" wand. It wasn't good for spell casting but would help focus her magic for things like Runes and Potions. There were special stirring rods and quills that would hold one.
It was why she asked if she could go to Hogwarts, she wanted a good education in the things she could do.
Severus recalled all the times he and Lily would help Petunia with her lessons. Both girls were quite able to pretend to hate Severus, which helped hide their true relationship.
He shook his head, daydreaming would not help Harry.
He finished getting dressed after the sobering potion took effect and Apparated himself to Petunia's kitchen.
He took the two cups of tea that Vernon handed him and walked outside.
"Thank you for letting me stay over, cousin!" Severus said loud enough for the nosy neighbor next door to shut her curtain and decide there was nothing exciting going on.
He handed the tea to Petunia and sat down next to her. He cast a wandless Finite on the basket, canceling the compulsion charm on it.
He picked Harry up, and settled him on his lap.
"Sev!" Harry said, patting his face with his little hands. Then he pouted. "Mama hurt!"
"I know sweet boy, I know. You will be staying with me from now on, OK?" Sev said, nuzzling the child's hair.
Severus was taken aback when the boy just snuggled into him.
"Don't look so surprised, Severus. He knows you care. If I kept him, I'd have to pretend to hate him, and a baby isn't going to understand that," Petuna said.
"I know, Tuney, I know. But since Dumbledore broke his end of the deal, I'm pretty sure that Croaker won't make me pretend to kowtow to him anymore. Speaking of, I'm going to take Harry to the DOM, there is something terribly wrong with this scar," Severus said.
Petunia smiled. "You will be a good father, Severus. Be sure and bring him by for play dates with Dudley."
Since he was the one who picked up the basket, Dumbledore's blood magic attached itself to him, not that he nor Petunia noticed.
He cast a notice me not on the baby, and walked down the street. He muttered to himself the entire time. "Here I am, 21 years old, the youngest Potions Master in the British Isles, and I'm suddenly a father." He looked down at the basket, and Harry smiled up at him. Severus shook his head. "So why do I feel like I just did something amazing?" He walked down two blocks, then turned into an alley and Apparated to the apparition point for the DOM.
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Severus walked into the Department of Mysteries holding his young charge, bypassing the people in grey cloaks milling about, and going straight to the Director's office.
"Come in, Severus," Saul Croaker said from his desk. He motioned toward the chair in front of him.
"I have a couple requests, sir," Severus began. He waited for Croaker's nod, then kept going. "First, I'd like to have the healers down here check Harry over. There is something terribly dark about that wound. Secondly, could we send an ‘oathbreaker' letter to Dumbledore? His attempts to protect the Potters made things worse, not better."
Croaker waved his wand over Harry, then over Severus. "Both requests are reasonable, and will be granted. You will return to work here on Monday, the youngster can go to the daycare down here."
An Unspeakable in a lime green-edged grey cloak came to the door. "I'm not certain what is lodged in this child, but it is behaving like a magical parasite. I have a holding jar here, Severus, if you and the Director would kindly cast Exilium hinc illuc at the same time, it should be enough to move it."
Severus raised his wand and waited.
Croaker also raised his wand and said, "Ready, set, now!"
"Exilium hinc illuc!" both men incanted.
An oily wisp rose from Harry's forehead, and as it did, the Healer Unspeakable made a complicated movement with their wand. The wisp was then sucked into the holding jar and they quickly capped it.
"I shall take this to Unspeakable 73. They like this type of conundrum,"
Croaker waved his wand over a letter and turned it into a howler.
Severus held the still sleeping Harry, and raised an eyebrow.
"That old man is a wily bastard; he made a one-sided demand. All he did was lose your apparent loyalty, instead of his magic," Croaker said.
Severus nodded.
"All right, Severus, come in Monday morning, as I said, the boy can go into the creche. Hopefully the batlings won't be too enamored of him," Croaker stated. "Oh, and Severus: Congratulations, It's a boy!"