Square Six
Waking up this time wasn't nearly as awful. Spike twitched hard, shivering away from a needle-prickle touch at his shoulder and blinked up into Xander's anxious face.
"Does it hurt already? Have to go a half-hour less..." Xander hovered as Spike pushed himself up on his elbow and rubbed a shaking hand over his face.
"Hurts a bit, not so bad. Had worse. Fuck, Xan...need something to drink..." Spike grimaced at the taste in his mouth - the coating that seemed to have covered every tooth and surface. "God -" Xander was pawing through the edges of the Nest, looking for something.
"Maybe you wanna brush your teeth?" he asked, and Spike thought about that.
"Yeah, maybe I do. Anything'd be better than this bloody...aftertaste...oh. You - broke one of those pills in my mouth." Spike remembered it, suddenly and vividly, and he shuddered in revulsion.
"Yeah, I did. Sorry. Won't happen again." Xander's voice was low and unhappy and Spike reached out and caught one of his aimlessly searching hands, tugging him closer.
"Don't go all hangdog on me, pet. You did what you had to do. It's all right, yeah? And...I remember you makin' up for in a bloody nice way..." Spike grinned, even though his arm was starting to tremor hard under his weight, and Xander reluctantly grinned back.
"Let's get you in the bathroom, then, and get those fangs nice and shiny."
"An' then some more of that bein' nice, maybe," Spike murmured, and was rewarded by a more genuine smile and a slow flush all over Xander's *Still naked! Boy's comin' along nicely...* body.
"Should've been nice to you years ago if that's what it would've got me," Xander muttered, feeling the blush in every pore, and smiling. He knelt in the Nest, sliding an arm under Spike's shoulders to lift him, and bit his lip. "I'm still sorry about the pill's taste. I talked to Wesley last night and he told me that coming down off them is harder than going without them. I'm not going to miss a dose again."
Spike's fingers pressed against Xander's right cheek until he turned his head to look down at him. "We're not gonna miss a dose again. 'S not your fault, pet. Just...get this taste out of my mouth, and I'll take another dose. Not late this time, yeah?"
"Yeah." Xander lifted Spike, easing them both out of the Nest and then to the bathroom where he'd spent some extra time spreading the hotel bed spread and blankets over the cold tile floor.
Standing at the sink was hard, and that was bloody humiliating, and Spike wanted to put his fist right through the empty mirror that he blankly stared at as he slowly brushed his teeth and tried not to fall right down on his ass. Xander hovered, and Spike could tell that he'd have an arm around him if the man didn't think it would hurt too much. And it would hurt, which was another reason Spike wished he could put his fist through the mirror, but even the thought took too much energy and he doggedly spit and rinsed and drank several palmfuls of water, grateful for the taste of sweet mint and the chlorine-spiked tap-water.
Xander guided him carefully back to the Nest and they both looked at it in dismay.
"Needs a bit of fluff and fold, yeah?" Spike said weakly, inwardly dreading the wait, but knowing it had to be done.
"Yeah..." Xander grimaced at the couch, knowing from experience how rough its covering was against the skin. "Do you feel up to another bath while I make the Nest again?"
"I can - can," Spike let go of Xander briefly, and swayed on his feet. "A bath sounds lovely, pet."
"You're gonna be the cleanest vampire in California." Xander turned them carefully, walking Spike back into the bathroom and helping him down onto the closed toilet seat while he adjusted the taps.
Spike watched Xander fiddle with the taps - watched him fold a towel for Spike to lean on and generally act...as if he'd done this before. *And not just...since he found me..* "You - help those doctors down in Africa, then? You're so...comfortable with this. With...me."
Xander shrugged. "I helped where I could. Usually, that wasn't much more than making somebody comfortable and getting them to take their pills." He held his fingers beneath the faucet, letting the force of the water push them down. "But that's not why I'm comfortable with you. You're not a patient. You're -" Xander stopped. He didn't know quite what Spike was. Yet. "Spike."
"Yeah, I'm Spike." Spike had to smile at that - at the funny little look on Xander's face that said he wanted, maybe, to say something else, or something more, but...wouldn't. *Smart, this one. What am I, indeed?* He shivered suddenly, the steam getting to him and Xander shot him a look of concern.
"You okay? Is the fever coming back?"
"M'fine, pet. I remember...fighting, when I was there. Always gunfire 'round the corner, it seemed... Or a fire, something... Always people goin' here and there with their household stacked up on their heads and...all these skinny little kids..." The scenes had, in fact, been a great deal more gory from time to time - something his soul had had no trouble incorporating into the general chaos in his head. It hadn't been...nice.
"It was bad," Xander agreed, leaving the tub to fill and sliding his arms under Spike again. "But I didn't know them." He bit his lip, feeling obscurely guilty for something he'd worn out his guilt on during the first few months. "Like, I knew there was nothing I could do that would save them. I couldn't afford to let myself care. God, that was - I want to say that was hard, but it scares me how easy it was to keep myself from getting involved in any patient's future." He lowered Spike carefully into the water, feeling it lapping at his fingers as he arranged him in the tub. "I can't not care about what happens to you."
"That so, pet? Was a time you'd have been happy to see me dust... And me happy to see you drained." Spike let his head roll a little on the towel, watching Xander crouching there by the tub, his eye on the rippling water.
"Yeah, well...I was young and stupid once."
"Things do change, don't they. Change so much..." Another shiver came over him - heat of the water and the dragging weakness, and he thought unhappily that he really should eat.
"I'll be right back." He considered, for just a moment, asking Spike if he thought he could get some blood down, then remembered Wesley's voice, telling him how difficult the process would be. And decided that Spike was going to drink the blood if Xander had to prop his jaw open and pour it in.
Nicely, of course. "I'll be right back. And then, I'll tell you what else Wesley said."
Spike closed his eyes and tracked Xander through sound as pills were gathered and - yes - blood was heated. Even from the bathroom the smell was unpleasant and Spike shifted uneasily. *Hope Wes has something...anything... Can't do this much longer...worse than the wheelchair, worse than being a ghost...worse then that bloody chip, almost... Least I can bite but bloody hell! I don't want to. Sad state for a vampire, this.*
When Xander returned, it was with the travel mug full of blood in one hand and three pills in the other, and he sat down on the rim of the tub. "Can you take these with blood?"
"Can try, pet."
Xander felt his chest constrict with the exhaustion in Spike's voice, and ran his hand through Spike's curls after the vampire relieved him of the pills. As Spike drank, he began to talk. "Wesley has a cure," he said first, because dammit, he wasn't going to string Spike along. Not on something this important.
"Knew Wes'd come through!" Spike grinned, and then took a long drink of the blood and grimaced.
"It's in a few stages. The first one, we're gonna do today. It's - it's why I didn't bring the whiskey in. That demon that slashed you secretes its poison in little hairs. That's what the black stripes are. And it's making you weak enough that your body can't push them out, and can't heal from it."
"Hairs? They are?" Spike looked down at the stripes on his body - raised and throbbing and so fucking sore. Fucking demons.
Spike's hair tickled the back and sides of Xander's hand as he petted, feeling the smooth contour of Spike's skull beneath his touch. "So that's the first part of the procedure. We have to...get the hairs out."
Xander's hand felt good, and Spike let it distract him from the foul taste of the blood. It was bitter - rotten - and it took everything he had to swallow it down and keep it down. But he almost spit out his mouthful when Xander's words came clear in his head.
"Get them out? How in bloody hell do we do that? No - wait. Fuck." Spike knew exactly how, and from the look on Xander's face, so did Xander.
Xander grimaced. "Do I really have to say?"
"What is this, a condemned man's last meal?"
"No, but Wes said you're gonna need all the strength you can get. I mean it won't dust you," *Jesus, I hope not.* "but the way you are right now? The healing is...not gonna happen so fast." Xander's hand stilled, cupping the back of Spike's head, and he swept his thumb back and forth over a low ridge in the bone. "You'll be wrapped up a few days, so I'll have to change the bandages when you take your pills, but...I know how to do that." 'To keep your insides on the inside,' he didn't add, though it was impossible to keep the thought out of his head. "And then when he's got the antidote ready, you'll be ready to take it."
"Never been more ready for anything, pet," Spike murmured, relaxing into Xander's hand - into his touch - into the warm caress of his voice. He heard the words, but he heard the worry behind them, too - the empathy and the caring and that...was better than the rest put together. Better than the Nest, and the blood, and the unthinking invitation he'd gotten into Xander's home.
*Pathetic, me. I'd offer up my heart and my...immortal soul if he asked. 'Cause he gives a bloody damn, I'd offer up...everything...anything. Haven't loved anybody since the soul. Not really...Niblet, maybe. And now... Fucking love. Never my friend but I let her in every time, don't I?* The first surge of 'off' from the pills washed over him and he shut his inner voice down. Because that...did not need airing, now or ever. The empty mug drooped in his hands and Xander took it and set it aside.
"And I am so ready to have you well again." Xander ducked his head against a flash memory of Spike's hands flexing on his thighs, weak, but there. He let his breath out. "And contrary to any messages my body might be sending, it's not just because of the too weak to - Jesus and I sound like an ass even trying to say that's not what all of this is about." He hoped the apology showed in his smile when he tipped Spike's head back with gentle touch. "Want you strong again."
"I want that, too," Spike whispered, and he knew that the intensity of his want - of his new and puzzling desire for this man was in his eyes, hot and bright. He turned his face into Xander's palm and kissed it, letting his tongue-tip brush the callused skin, feeling that tingle of pain-to-pleasure that the drug gave him and wishing, god, that he could stay awake long enough to do something.
Xander shivered at the flicker of Spike's tongue across his palm and leaned back, letting his head rest against the wall. "What are you thinking" The words came from him unbidden, but he didn't take them back, feeling the intensity of Spike's gaze.
"That I'd like to shag you for three days straight," Spike said, giving Xander his best 'come hither' smile. Because what he was thinking was...was a muddle of emotion and hopeless longing and helpless desire and even if he could get it all into words it would be words that would probably make no sense. Or make too much sense, and Spike...just didn't know. He couldn't tell what Xander was thinking, deep in his heart. And he was afraid to ask.
For the second time in less than a day, the back of Xander's head made hard contact with a wall. "Jesus. Unfair advantage over the naked man here, Spike. Not that you're not naked yourself. Or a man. At least by definition. And not that I'm complaining..." Xander sighed. "Okay, and apparently, I can either be the strong, silent type or have a functioning libido, which makes me eternally seventeen." Xander absently traced Spike's lower lip, mentally running back over what he'd said before adding: "Which, by the way, was in no way a suggestion that I have any objection whatsoever to that plan."
Spike laughed, and playfully caught Xander's fingertips between his teeth, letting his tongue flutter over them as his teeth held them lightly. The drug swirled in him, making things so bright, and making the edges vibrate like the picture on a badly tuned TV. Something swam up out of his memory and abruptly he took Xander's hand in his, letting his fingers go with a last, teasing caress.
"When'd you eat last, mate? You look like you've lost a couple pounds. And I know you're not sleepin' the whole time I am." Spike tried to frown, but even though he couldn't he made his voice as stern as possible.
"Gotta stay strong, pet, or I'll be nursin' you, when this is all done."
Xander chuckled. Quietly, and let his fingers sift between Spike's to clasp their hands together. "Only one patient at a time. That's my rule. I'm...good. Okay, I'm fucking exhausted if you want the truth, but I'm good at running on adrenaline and stubbornness these days. At the site - Jesus - the second week I was there, Carl's daughter got sick with the chicken pox, and Mariel's boss wouldn't let her off, so Matt and I split his shift for a week. By the end of it, Russ was grabbing me before I could walk straight into walls."
He ran his thumb along Spike's, feeling Spike's smoothness against his calluses. "I'm a light sleeper when I have somebody to take care of."
"This isn't work...I'm not work, am I?" Spike blinked - long blink that made the room spin a little, and tugged on Xander's hand. "Don't do that, love. Don't - make excuses. Won't make me worse if you stop and eat, Xander. Won't make me worse if you sleep. Need you, pet, all right?"
The 'off' buzzed up his spine, shivery delight and he closed his eyes - arched back against the towel behind him and ran their joined hands slowly down his side, stopping short of the wounds that ran over his hip. "Need you, love..."
Xander felt the words. In his chest - in his stomach where they fluttered, and he uncurled his fingers against Spike's side, stroking the hollow beneath his ribs. "You're not work," he said finally, firmly. "God, you're not anything like work." He curled down until he could nuzzle his cheek against Spike's hair, all but wrapped around his body in the bath. "It...scares me. Waking up and having to see you to know you're..." Not dust. There. "...okay. How badly I have to wake up and see you."
Spike looked searchingly at the face that was so close to his own - at the scarred, scared, familiar face. The face he'd once hated enough to wish dead and gone forever. *Everything, everything, everything you touch, and you know it, god dammit, you know it... Please...just this once...* He couldn't talk - god and maybe Dru alone knew what would come spilling out. So he reached up, his fingers shaking and his arms like lead, and tugged Xander closer yet, and kissed him. And tried, with his lips and tongue and fingers, to say, what his brain wouldn't allow. To say that his need was just as great, and that his desperation wasn't for the sex, but for the man. The Heart of them all, and god, he needed that.
Shaking, Xander slid into the warm bath water, his knees to either side of Spike's hips, catching Spike's hand to his chest, and cradling Spike's face with his fingers. He tried to find the words against Spike's lips, but they stuck in his throat, caught there above the painful swell of his heart for Spike. "Can't leave me now." The words came out unsteadily, though he tried for a smile in them. "Didn't stop being a complete jerk just to let you go again." The words barely made sense, wrapped up in a time that felt like another life now, when the strength of this feeling for Spike had been just as strong, but bitter, rotten, jealous. Nothing like this.
Spike could not look away - could not draw breath to speak and the urge to throw his head back and howl his frustration out was intense. He couldn't do anything, trapped as he was - drugged, and ill, and too weak to get out of the damn bath, probably. *Leave me again...leave me again...no, you'll not be doing that ever, love, ever...* He pulled Xander down again, urgent and clumsy and desperate, god, just so very, very desperate. Part of what had driven him from Los Angeles had been the loneliness, despite Wesley's sometime company, and he couldn't face that again - couldn't and wouldn't and would cling to that shakily-spoken promise for all he was worth. Xander tasted like caramel, and like salt, and Spike kissed him until they were both shaking too hard to go on.
Xander rested his forehead against Spike's, clutching the pale fingertips to his chest where he could feel the thundering of his heart beneath their shivering. "Keeping you...keeping you." The words verged on nonsense, on pure feeling as he felt his breath reflected back at him from Spike's skin, from his lips until he realized that the trembling was from more than need. "Jesus. You're freezing." The words came out in a whisper, because he knew they'd end the moment though they had to be said as the water's temperature dropped past warm on its way to cold.
"Don't care," Spike muttered, trying to pull Xander closer. "You're warm, love, come and keep me warm -"
"Sweetheart..." Xander closed his eye, gathering massive effort to straighten up, bringing Spike's fingers to his lips to kiss, to breathe warm air over before pressing them to his chest. "You have no idea how badly I'd rather do that."
"Think I know," Spike said softly, letting his free hand drop to Xander's lap - to his cock that was rigid and so warm, thrumming with blood and desire. He stroked once, lightly, aware his own body was incapable of that at the moment - not caring. "God, want to feel this in me, love...so warm...warm me up from the inside, yeah? Xan..."
"God, Spike!" It was all Xander could do not to thrust hard into Spike's grasp, sliding restlessly against his hand. "Thought - thought you were supposed to be all virtuous now." *And that would so be more effective without the orgasmic groan on the end, Harris.*
"Virtue is for virgins and the clergy, love. Please, Xan, want you to...want it so much..." Spike knew the drug was floating him right out of his head, but he was tolerating it better now - he was sure he could stay awake, if he needed to, and god, he needed to. He tugged his other hand free of Xander's hold and ran it lightly down the heaving chest in front of him - rubbed a soothing circle on the corded belly, all the while stroking slowly over the silken skin of Xander's cock. "Can't hurt me, god, can't, love -"
"Fuck." Seldom was an expletive so heartfelt as the band of need tightened again around Xander's chest. He leaned back, grasping the sides of the bath with shaking fingers and thrust up into Spike's hold, feeling as if every muscle in his body was cording tighter and tighter with that rough silk voice and so-light, trembling touch. "Feel like - such a complete - pervert - getting off..." Xander half laughed, half groaned, letting his head fall back for a moment to just feel. "Good...good."
"Fuckin' beautiful," Spike murmured, tightening his grip, slipping his thumb over the head and watching in satisfaction as Xander shuddered, his eye fluttering shut. "No idea, love, what you look like - what you do to me -"
*Know what you do to me.*
"Tell me." Xander heard the roughness in his own voice, the unsteadiness beneath the words. The slide of Spike's thumb was sending shocks skittering across his nerves like tweaking the tightened wires of a wind-up toy, making his arms begin to shake, barely holding him up. *So close. God. So fucking on edge.*
"Burn for you, Xander. Want to feel you - over me, in me." Spike ran his hand up Xander's chest, to curl behind the back of his neck - to tug him forward. "Your weight, your heat - want you to...have me...cover me...want you all over me..." He stretched up, just enough, to trace the edge of one nipple with his tongue and tightened his grip; stroke and twist and glide, Xander's heartbeat drumming in his ears, his panting gasps hot across Spike's face. "Smell like you, taste like you, feel you in me all day..." His own voice was a whisper now and he wanted Xander's mouth on his. "Kiss me, Xan, kiss me -"
The images Spike painted flashed across Xander's mind like live things, and he groaned into the kiss, body bucking with the force of the orgasm that tore through him, only barely catching his weight on his arms. The pulse and ebb of feeling through his body gentled the kiss, shaping words into Spike's mouth that he wasn't ready yet to say out loud, shivering. So close he could feel the brush of Spike's chest with every one of the vampire's unnecessary breaths, and he unlocked the fingers of one hand from the rim of the tub, burying them in Spike's damp hair and cradling him into the kiss that tasted of bitter herbs, salt, smoke, lemonade, *Spike.*
The tidal scent of Xander's come was thick and welcome and clean - was unbearably good and Spike gave in to the urge finally and lifted his hand to his mouth - let his tongue glide over his knuckles while Xander panted into his neck and slowly came back down. Spike felt like he had come, almost - the singing fire of pleasure through his body - from watching Xander, from tasting and feeling him - was like a low-wattage shock. It was good, it was...different and, in the sudden dizzying drop as the pills kicked in once and for all, it was enough. His lids were too heavy to stay open and he let them droop down, into star-shot blackness that revolved slowly, slowly.
"Can't wait...do that for real, Xan..." Xander's kiss had been - telling. Encouraging - bloody brilliant. "Could kiss you all day."
Xander shivered as much from the words as Spike's touch, the band tightening around his chest again, but this time, it was warm. Unlike the water. Still half-dazed, Xander ran a shaking hand over Spike's lips one last time, bending to taste them before shuffling backwards to pull the drain plug and turn the water back on, full blast and hot, soaking an extra towel under the tap and wrapping it warmly around Spike's upper body.
The Nest...the Nest sounded like heaven just then, and Xander unbent his cramping legs, folding Spike's hands comfortably in his own lap. Stepping out of the tub, Xander snatched up the last towel as goose bumps rose across his skin, scrubbing briskly at the last of the cold water while waiting for the tub to fill. He had a Nest to rebuild, and a vampire to hold.
*Please. God. Just a little nap. Let me have time for just one little nap.*
Before cutting Spike open.
He shivered more violently, stopping the water and filling his head with the pictures Spike had painted in his mind instead as he went to rebuild the Nest.
"Does it hurt already? Have to go a half-hour less..." Xander hovered as Spike pushed himself up on his elbow and rubbed a shaking hand over his face.
"Hurts a bit, not so bad. Had worse. Fuck, Xan...need something to drink..." Spike grimaced at the taste in his mouth - the coating that seemed to have covered every tooth and surface. "God -" Xander was pawing through the edges of the Nest, looking for something.
"Maybe you wanna brush your teeth?" he asked, and Spike thought about that.
"Yeah, maybe I do. Anything'd be better than this bloody...aftertaste...oh. You - broke one of those pills in my mouth." Spike remembered it, suddenly and vividly, and he shuddered in revulsion.
"Yeah, I did. Sorry. Won't happen again." Xander's voice was low and unhappy and Spike reached out and caught one of his aimlessly searching hands, tugging him closer.
"Don't go all hangdog on me, pet. You did what you had to do. It's all right, yeah? And...I remember you makin' up for in a bloody nice way..." Spike grinned, even though his arm was starting to tremor hard under his weight, and Xander reluctantly grinned back.
"Let's get you in the bathroom, then, and get those fangs nice and shiny."
"An' then some more of that bein' nice, maybe," Spike murmured, and was rewarded by a more genuine smile and a slow flush all over Xander's *Still naked! Boy's comin' along nicely...* body.
"Should've been nice to you years ago if that's what it would've got me," Xander muttered, feeling the blush in every pore, and smiling. He knelt in the Nest, sliding an arm under Spike's shoulders to lift him, and bit his lip. "I'm still sorry about the pill's taste. I talked to Wesley last night and he told me that coming down off them is harder than going without them. I'm not going to miss a dose again."
Spike's fingers pressed against Xander's right cheek until he turned his head to look down at him. "We're not gonna miss a dose again. 'S not your fault, pet. Just...get this taste out of my mouth, and I'll take another dose. Not late this time, yeah?"
"Yeah." Xander lifted Spike, easing them both out of the Nest and then to the bathroom where he'd spent some extra time spreading the hotel bed spread and blankets over the cold tile floor.
Standing at the sink was hard, and that was bloody humiliating, and Spike wanted to put his fist right through the empty mirror that he blankly stared at as he slowly brushed his teeth and tried not to fall right down on his ass. Xander hovered, and Spike could tell that he'd have an arm around him if the man didn't think it would hurt too much. And it would hurt, which was another reason Spike wished he could put his fist through the mirror, but even the thought took too much energy and he doggedly spit and rinsed and drank several palmfuls of water, grateful for the taste of sweet mint and the chlorine-spiked tap-water.
Xander guided him carefully back to the Nest and they both looked at it in dismay.
"Needs a bit of fluff and fold, yeah?" Spike said weakly, inwardly dreading the wait, but knowing it had to be done.
"Yeah..." Xander grimaced at the couch, knowing from experience how rough its covering was against the skin. "Do you feel up to another bath while I make the Nest again?"
"I can - can," Spike let go of Xander briefly, and swayed on his feet. "A bath sounds lovely, pet."
"You're gonna be the cleanest vampire in California." Xander turned them carefully, walking Spike back into the bathroom and helping him down onto the closed toilet seat while he adjusted the taps.
Spike watched Xander fiddle with the taps - watched him fold a towel for Spike to lean on and generally act...as if he'd done this before. *And not just...since he found me..* "You - help those doctors down in Africa, then? You're so...comfortable with this. With...me."
Xander shrugged. "I helped where I could. Usually, that wasn't much more than making somebody comfortable and getting them to take their pills." He held his fingers beneath the faucet, letting the force of the water push them down. "But that's not why I'm comfortable with you. You're not a patient. You're -" Xander stopped. He didn't know quite what Spike was. Yet. "Spike."
"Yeah, I'm Spike." Spike had to smile at that - at the funny little look on Xander's face that said he wanted, maybe, to say something else, or something more, but...wouldn't. *Smart, this one. What am I, indeed?* He shivered suddenly, the steam getting to him and Xander shot him a look of concern.
"You okay? Is the fever coming back?"
"M'fine, pet. I remember...fighting, when I was there. Always gunfire 'round the corner, it seemed... Or a fire, something... Always people goin' here and there with their household stacked up on their heads and...all these skinny little kids..." The scenes had, in fact, been a great deal more gory from time to time - something his soul had had no trouble incorporating into the general chaos in his head. It hadn't been...nice.
"It was bad," Xander agreed, leaving the tub to fill and sliding his arms under Spike again. "But I didn't know them." He bit his lip, feeling obscurely guilty for something he'd worn out his guilt on during the first few months. "Like, I knew there was nothing I could do that would save them. I couldn't afford to let myself care. God, that was - I want to say that was hard, but it scares me how easy it was to keep myself from getting involved in any patient's future." He lowered Spike carefully into the water, feeling it lapping at his fingers as he arranged him in the tub. "I can't not care about what happens to you."
"That so, pet? Was a time you'd have been happy to see me dust... And me happy to see you drained." Spike let his head roll a little on the towel, watching Xander crouching there by the tub, his eye on the rippling water.
"Yeah, well...I was young and stupid once."
"Things do change, don't they. Change so much..." Another shiver came over him - heat of the water and the dragging weakness, and he thought unhappily that he really should eat.
"I'll be right back." He considered, for just a moment, asking Spike if he thought he could get some blood down, then remembered Wesley's voice, telling him how difficult the process would be. And decided that Spike was going to drink the blood if Xander had to prop his jaw open and pour it in.
Nicely, of course. "I'll be right back. And then, I'll tell you what else Wesley said."
Spike closed his eyes and tracked Xander through sound as pills were gathered and - yes - blood was heated. Even from the bathroom the smell was unpleasant and Spike shifted uneasily. *Hope Wes has something...anything... Can't do this much longer...worse than the wheelchair, worse than being a ghost...worse then that bloody chip, almost... Least I can bite but bloody hell! I don't want to. Sad state for a vampire, this.*
When Xander returned, it was with the travel mug full of blood in one hand and three pills in the other, and he sat down on the rim of the tub. "Can you take these with blood?"
"Can try, pet."
Xander felt his chest constrict with the exhaustion in Spike's voice, and ran his hand through Spike's curls after the vampire relieved him of the pills. As Spike drank, he began to talk. "Wesley has a cure," he said first, because dammit, he wasn't going to string Spike along. Not on something this important.
"Knew Wes'd come through!" Spike grinned, and then took a long drink of the blood and grimaced.
"It's in a few stages. The first one, we're gonna do today. It's - it's why I didn't bring the whiskey in. That demon that slashed you secretes its poison in little hairs. That's what the black stripes are. And it's making you weak enough that your body can't push them out, and can't heal from it."
"Hairs? They are?" Spike looked down at the stripes on his body - raised and throbbing and so fucking sore. Fucking demons.
Spike's hair tickled the back and sides of Xander's hand as he petted, feeling the smooth contour of Spike's skull beneath his touch. "So that's the first part of the procedure. We have to...get the hairs out."
Xander's hand felt good, and Spike let it distract him from the foul taste of the blood. It was bitter - rotten - and it took everything he had to swallow it down and keep it down. But he almost spit out his mouthful when Xander's words came clear in his head.
"Get them out? How in bloody hell do we do that? No - wait. Fuck." Spike knew exactly how, and from the look on Xander's face, so did Xander.
Xander grimaced. "Do I really have to say?"
"What is this, a condemned man's last meal?"
"No, but Wes said you're gonna need all the strength you can get. I mean it won't dust you," *Jesus, I hope not.* "but the way you are right now? The healing is...not gonna happen so fast." Xander's hand stilled, cupping the back of Spike's head, and he swept his thumb back and forth over a low ridge in the bone. "You'll be wrapped up a few days, so I'll have to change the bandages when you take your pills, but...I know how to do that." 'To keep your insides on the inside,' he didn't add, though it was impossible to keep the thought out of his head. "And then when he's got the antidote ready, you'll be ready to take it."
"Never been more ready for anything, pet," Spike murmured, relaxing into Xander's hand - into his touch - into the warm caress of his voice. He heard the words, but he heard the worry behind them, too - the empathy and the caring and that...was better than the rest put together. Better than the Nest, and the blood, and the unthinking invitation he'd gotten into Xander's home.
*Pathetic, me. I'd offer up my heart and my...immortal soul if he asked. 'Cause he gives a bloody damn, I'd offer up...everything...anything. Haven't loved anybody since the soul. Not really...Niblet, maybe. And now... Fucking love. Never my friend but I let her in every time, don't I?* The first surge of 'off' from the pills washed over him and he shut his inner voice down. Because that...did not need airing, now or ever. The empty mug drooped in his hands and Xander took it and set it aside.
"And I am so ready to have you well again." Xander ducked his head against a flash memory of Spike's hands flexing on his thighs, weak, but there. He let his breath out. "And contrary to any messages my body might be sending, it's not just because of the too weak to - Jesus and I sound like an ass even trying to say that's not what all of this is about." He hoped the apology showed in his smile when he tipped Spike's head back with gentle touch. "Want you strong again."
"I want that, too," Spike whispered, and he knew that the intensity of his want - of his new and puzzling desire for this man was in his eyes, hot and bright. He turned his face into Xander's palm and kissed it, letting his tongue-tip brush the callused skin, feeling that tingle of pain-to-pleasure that the drug gave him and wishing, god, that he could stay awake long enough to do something.
Xander shivered at the flicker of Spike's tongue across his palm and leaned back, letting his head rest against the wall. "What are you thinking" The words came from him unbidden, but he didn't take them back, feeling the intensity of Spike's gaze.
"That I'd like to shag you for three days straight," Spike said, giving Xander his best 'come hither' smile. Because what he was thinking was...was a muddle of emotion and hopeless longing and helpless desire and even if he could get it all into words it would be words that would probably make no sense. Or make too much sense, and Spike...just didn't know. He couldn't tell what Xander was thinking, deep in his heart. And he was afraid to ask.
For the second time in less than a day, the back of Xander's head made hard contact with a wall. "Jesus. Unfair advantage over the naked man here, Spike. Not that you're not naked yourself. Or a man. At least by definition. And not that I'm complaining..." Xander sighed. "Okay, and apparently, I can either be the strong, silent type or have a functioning libido, which makes me eternally seventeen." Xander absently traced Spike's lower lip, mentally running back over what he'd said before adding: "Which, by the way, was in no way a suggestion that I have any objection whatsoever to that plan."
Spike laughed, and playfully caught Xander's fingertips between his teeth, letting his tongue flutter over them as his teeth held them lightly. The drug swirled in him, making things so bright, and making the edges vibrate like the picture on a badly tuned TV. Something swam up out of his memory and abruptly he took Xander's hand in his, letting his fingers go with a last, teasing caress.
"When'd you eat last, mate? You look like you've lost a couple pounds. And I know you're not sleepin' the whole time I am." Spike tried to frown, but even though he couldn't he made his voice as stern as possible.
"Gotta stay strong, pet, or I'll be nursin' you, when this is all done."
Xander chuckled. Quietly, and let his fingers sift between Spike's to clasp their hands together. "Only one patient at a time. That's my rule. I'm...good. Okay, I'm fucking exhausted if you want the truth, but I'm good at running on adrenaline and stubbornness these days. At the site - Jesus - the second week I was there, Carl's daughter got sick with the chicken pox, and Mariel's boss wouldn't let her off, so Matt and I split his shift for a week. By the end of it, Russ was grabbing me before I could walk straight into walls."
He ran his thumb along Spike's, feeling Spike's smoothness against his calluses. "I'm a light sleeper when I have somebody to take care of."
"This isn't work...I'm not work, am I?" Spike blinked - long blink that made the room spin a little, and tugged on Xander's hand. "Don't do that, love. Don't - make excuses. Won't make me worse if you stop and eat, Xander. Won't make me worse if you sleep. Need you, pet, all right?"
The 'off' buzzed up his spine, shivery delight and he closed his eyes - arched back against the towel behind him and ran their joined hands slowly down his side, stopping short of the wounds that ran over his hip. "Need you, love..."
Xander felt the words. In his chest - in his stomach where they fluttered, and he uncurled his fingers against Spike's side, stroking the hollow beneath his ribs. "You're not work," he said finally, firmly. "God, you're not anything like work." He curled down until he could nuzzle his cheek against Spike's hair, all but wrapped around his body in the bath. "It...scares me. Waking up and having to see you to know you're..." Not dust. There. "...okay. How badly I have to wake up and see you."
Spike looked searchingly at the face that was so close to his own - at the scarred, scared, familiar face. The face he'd once hated enough to wish dead and gone forever. *Everything, everything, everything you touch, and you know it, god dammit, you know it... Please...just this once...* He couldn't talk - god and maybe Dru alone knew what would come spilling out. So he reached up, his fingers shaking and his arms like lead, and tugged Xander closer yet, and kissed him. And tried, with his lips and tongue and fingers, to say, what his brain wouldn't allow. To say that his need was just as great, and that his desperation wasn't for the sex, but for the man. The Heart of them all, and god, he needed that.
Shaking, Xander slid into the warm bath water, his knees to either side of Spike's hips, catching Spike's hand to his chest, and cradling Spike's face with his fingers. He tried to find the words against Spike's lips, but they stuck in his throat, caught there above the painful swell of his heart for Spike. "Can't leave me now." The words came out unsteadily, though he tried for a smile in them. "Didn't stop being a complete jerk just to let you go again." The words barely made sense, wrapped up in a time that felt like another life now, when the strength of this feeling for Spike had been just as strong, but bitter, rotten, jealous. Nothing like this.
Spike could not look away - could not draw breath to speak and the urge to throw his head back and howl his frustration out was intense. He couldn't do anything, trapped as he was - drugged, and ill, and too weak to get out of the damn bath, probably. *Leave me again...leave me again...no, you'll not be doing that ever, love, ever...* He pulled Xander down again, urgent and clumsy and desperate, god, just so very, very desperate. Part of what had driven him from Los Angeles had been the loneliness, despite Wesley's sometime company, and he couldn't face that again - couldn't and wouldn't and would cling to that shakily-spoken promise for all he was worth. Xander tasted like caramel, and like salt, and Spike kissed him until they were both shaking too hard to go on.
Xander rested his forehead against Spike's, clutching the pale fingertips to his chest where he could feel the thundering of his heart beneath their shivering. "Keeping you...keeping you." The words verged on nonsense, on pure feeling as he felt his breath reflected back at him from Spike's skin, from his lips until he realized that the trembling was from more than need. "Jesus. You're freezing." The words came out in a whisper, because he knew they'd end the moment though they had to be said as the water's temperature dropped past warm on its way to cold.
"Don't care," Spike muttered, trying to pull Xander closer. "You're warm, love, come and keep me warm -"
"Sweetheart..." Xander closed his eye, gathering massive effort to straighten up, bringing Spike's fingers to his lips to kiss, to breathe warm air over before pressing them to his chest. "You have no idea how badly I'd rather do that."
"Think I know," Spike said softly, letting his free hand drop to Xander's lap - to his cock that was rigid and so warm, thrumming with blood and desire. He stroked once, lightly, aware his own body was incapable of that at the moment - not caring. "God, want to feel this in me, love...so warm...warm me up from the inside, yeah? Xan..."
"God, Spike!" It was all Xander could do not to thrust hard into Spike's grasp, sliding restlessly against his hand. "Thought - thought you were supposed to be all virtuous now." *And that would so be more effective without the orgasmic groan on the end, Harris.*
"Virtue is for virgins and the clergy, love. Please, Xan, want you to...want it so much..." Spike knew the drug was floating him right out of his head, but he was tolerating it better now - he was sure he could stay awake, if he needed to, and god, he needed to. He tugged his other hand free of Xander's hold and ran it lightly down the heaving chest in front of him - rubbed a soothing circle on the corded belly, all the while stroking slowly over the silken skin of Xander's cock. "Can't hurt me, god, can't, love -"
"Fuck." Seldom was an expletive so heartfelt as the band of need tightened again around Xander's chest. He leaned back, grasping the sides of the bath with shaking fingers and thrust up into Spike's hold, feeling as if every muscle in his body was cording tighter and tighter with that rough silk voice and so-light, trembling touch. "Feel like - such a complete - pervert - getting off..." Xander half laughed, half groaned, letting his head fall back for a moment to just feel. "Good...good."
"Fuckin' beautiful," Spike murmured, tightening his grip, slipping his thumb over the head and watching in satisfaction as Xander shuddered, his eye fluttering shut. "No idea, love, what you look like - what you do to me -"
*Know what you do to me.*
"Tell me." Xander heard the roughness in his own voice, the unsteadiness beneath the words. The slide of Spike's thumb was sending shocks skittering across his nerves like tweaking the tightened wires of a wind-up toy, making his arms begin to shake, barely holding him up. *So close. God. So fucking on edge.*
"Burn for you, Xander. Want to feel you - over me, in me." Spike ran his hand up Xander's chest, to curl behind the back of his neck - to tug him forward. "Your weight, your heat - want you to...have me...cover me...want you all over me..." He stretched up, just enough, to trace the edge of one nipple with his tongue and tightened his grip; stroke and twist and glide, Xander's heartbeat drumming in his ears, his panting gasps hot across Spike's face. "Smell like you, taste like you, feel you in me all day..." His own voice was a whisper now and he wanted Xander's mouth on his. "Kiss me, Xan, kiss me -"
The images Spike painted flashed across Xander's mind like live things, and he groaned into the kiss, body bucking with the force of the orgasm that tore through him, only barely catching his weight on his arms. The pulse and ebb of feeling through his body gentled the kiss, shaping words into Spike's mouth that he wasn't ready yet to say out loud, shivering. So close he could feel the brush of Spike's chest with every one of the vampire's unnecessary breaths, and he unlocked the fingers of one hand from the rim of the tub, burying them in Spike's damp hair and cradling him into the kiss that tasted of bitter herbs, salt, smoke, lemonade, *Spike.*
The tidal scent of Xander's come was thick and welcome and clean - was unbearably good and Spike gave in to the urge finally and lifted his hand to his mouth - let his tongue glide over his knuckles while Xander panted into his neck and slowly came back down. Spike felt like he had come, almost - the singing fire of pleasure through his body - from watching Xander, from tasting and feeling him - was like a low-wattage shock. It was good, it was...different and, in the sudden dizzying drop as the pills kicked in once and for all, it was enough. His lids were too heavy to stay open and he let them droop down, into star-shot blackness that revolved slowly, slowly.
"Can't wait...do that for real, Xan..." Xander's kiss had been - telling. Encouraging - bloody brilliant. "Could kiss you all day."
Xander shivered as much from the words as Spike's touch, the band tightening around his chest again, but this time, it was warm. Unlike the water. Still half-dazed, Xander ran a shaking hand over Spike's lips one last time, bending to taste them before shuffling backwards to pull the drain plug and turn the water back on, full blast and hot, soaking an extra towel under the tap and wrapping it warmly around Spike's upper body.
The Nest...the Nest sounded like heaven just then, and Xander unbent his cramping legs, folding Spike's hands comfortably in his own lap. Stepping out of the tub, Xander snatched up the last towel as goose bumps rose across his skin, scrubbing briskly at the last of the cold water while waiting for the tub to fill. He had a Nest to rebuild, and a vampire to hold.
*Please. God. Just a little nap. Let me have time for just one little nap.*
Before cutting Spike open.
He shivered more violently, stopping the water and filling his head with the pictures Spike had painted in his mind instead as he went to rebuild the Nest.