Gimmie Someone to Believe in SPN/Angel
Title: Gimmie Someone to Believe in
Author: KliqzAngel
Series: Story #1 in an as of yet untitled Sam Winchester/Lindsey McDonald AU Verse
Prompt #: 001 Tired for my 100 prompt Sam/Lindsey table
Characters: Sam Winchester, Lindsey McDonald, Castiel, OFC Doris, Mentions of Dean Winchester
Pairing: Pre-Sam/Lindsey
Content: Some Angst, Pre-Slash, AU
Rating: PG-13
Notes: No beta! So, mistakes are all my own.
Story Summary: Sam is tired. Lindsey is tired. The angels are playing matchmaker. This is the start of two lonely men finding companionship on their road to acceptance and redemption.
Series Master Post Here! Includes Series notes and summary.
Sighing deeply, Sam made his way up the long lane to the cabin he’d been crashing in. There was a small town nearby where he felt he could safely hide from the outside world, while at the same time possibly finding some of the sense of belonging he so desperately needed. Although he knew his presence would be whispered about, he hoped his status as an outsider would allow him to be left alone enough that he could quietly wallow in his guilt.
Logically Sam knew hiding was probably not the answer, and maybe a little bit childish making him feel even guiltier as if he was throwing some kind of temper tantrum for being excluded from “The Big One”. Realistically though he didn’t blame Dean in the least and wanted to make things as easy as possible for him. Sam had been the one to mess up. Sam was always the one to mess up, and when Dean seemed to have finally got sick of picking up after Sam’s messes, little brother left as quietly and unassuming as possible.
Surprisingly it was Castiel who helped Sam find this place. Sam had been wandering the roads, bags over one shoulder, hands stuffed in his pockets, feeling like maybe the nearest cliff would be the place to head to, when the outcast angel appeared suggesting Sam take refuge outside the nearby town. He had to admit he was more than a little reluctant to believe Castiel really wanted to help him, and still wondered if he only sought to cast Sam as far from Dean as possible, but the angel had insisted Sam was wrong. According to Cas, he merely wanted to help the younger Winchester and give him time to find his way back to the correct path.
Not having any other options at hand, Sam took the chance and followed Castiel’s instructions heading for the small town, going straight to the general store where Doris who owned and ran the place seemed to be waiting for him. After not much more than an “oh you poor baby” Sam was loaded down with anything and everything Doris deemed necessary and sent off to the cabin he was now calling home.
Every day Sam got up at the crack of dawn, and after going through training exercises that would leave even his father impressed and a quick easy breakfast, Sam headed to town to do whatever menial errands Doris needed attended to, sometimes around the store, sometimes for some local resident who needed an extra pair of hands. In exchange for his work, Doris kept his stomach filled, and his mind almost busy enough to forget he was responsible for bringing about the apocalypse.
He had no car. Sam chose instead to walk everywhere figuring if it wasn’t close enough to walk to then he didn’t need to go there. Eventually he wanted to get back to hunting, and didn’t know what he would do then, but figured that he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. So far though his weary mind and bruised soul probably weren’t up to the stress and concentration needed to make it out of a solo hunt alive. So, for now, Sam contented himself with stocking shelves and repairing roofs and squeaky hinges on doors to get through his day.
He was lonely though.
Sam was lonelier than he had ever been in his life. Even being separated from his family while he was at Stanford hadn’t been this bad. He had no contact with the outside world. His cell phone and computer were useless at the cabin, and most days he didn’t even bring the cell to town with him, where he knew he would get a signal, but frankly the silence he would get day after day when it didn’t ring would make his depression even worse than it already was. He hoped that Cas had kept his word to let Dean and Bobby know he was safe. He’d sent them each a text that he was ok. He’d wanted to tell them so much more, had so many things he wanted to say to them, to apologize to them fore, but in the end had left it at that. He just couldn’t handle the possibility that they just wouldn’t care to hear what he had to say, at least this way he still had the chance that some day they would see it in their hearts to at the very least not hate him.
As he reached point where the cabin finally came into view, Sam paused noticing a battered old pickup truck sitting not far from the open front door, the bed pointed towards the door seemed to be filled with random appliances and even what looked to be a generator. While he stood watching, a man came out of cabin, shitless and covered in tattoos at least from the waist up. Sam hadn’t realized he’d started moving again, until the guy lifted a hand in greeting. “You Sam?” He called, causing Sam to stop and frown suddenly more unsure of what this stranger was doing at his admittedly temporary home than he was intrigued by what he could now see were runic tattoos covering said stranger.
“Who are you?” Sam answered in way of greeting, knowing he sounded gruff and unfriendly but didn’t know how else to react. Surprises weren’t really his gig as of late.
“Name’s Lindsey. Lindsey McDonald to be exact. Cas said you were lookin’ for a partner, an’ that nice lady at the store sent me here.
Frowning Sam began to move forward again slowly, the new information doing nothing to sooth us feeling of unease. “Cas?” Sam questioned, feigning confusion, unwilling to just believe that Castiel cared enough about him to send him someone to ease his loneliness and isolation.
“I told you, God cares about you too, Sam Winchester,” Sam heard from behind, and jumping turned quickly to see Castiel standing behind him looking as solemn and intense as ever. “Cas? I don’t… what are you doing here?”
“I promised your brother I would watch out for you,” Cas said in way of answer, and Sam crossed his arms scowling. “Dean made it more than clear that I am not his first concern. I thought he was off playing warrior angel for you good guys? I find it hard to believe he has the time to even remember I exist, let alone worry about me.”
“Where has your faith gone, Sam?” Cas asked frowning now himself. “You should know by now that your brother cares about nothing and no one more than he does you. When I went to see him as you asked to assure him you were ok, I had a hard time keeping him from coming after you, and your staying out of contact isn’t helping.”
Sensing Sam’s guilt only increasing, Cas mentally shook himself, realizing this was not the appropriate strategy to take. Lately there were many things the angel didn’t agree with that either had been done or were being done, and the handling and manipulation of Sam Winchester was very close to the top of the list. “No matter what your brother does, Sam, he only wants you to be safe. He loves and misses you, Sam. It was only by our promise that we would insure no harm came to you while he was fighting this battle with Lucifer that he agreed to go through with his deal. I can tell you don’t believe this, Sam, but there is nothing your brother wants more than to make things right between the two of you.”
“How can he want that? Haven’t I caused enough trouble for him already? He has to be tired of saving my ass every time he turns around! I just… I just want him to not hate me. I just want to… I didn’t mean to…”
“I never wanted to be evil,” Sam finally whispered and Cas was certain that if he was human and had human feelings, this would have broken his heart. While Cas didn’t understand Sam’s actions, he’d seen enough of Sam’s life, both past and present, to know this was a loving, intelligent, man who deeply cared for others, but no one more than his older brother. There was no doubt in the angel’s mind that Sam had never at any time intended for anything that had come about to actually happen. He was certain that had Sam not been battling influence and manipulation both direct and indirect from both heaven and hell that things would have turned out much differently.
Cas believed that Sam deserved the chance to redeem himself as much as he believed Sam could redeem himself. “You are not evil, Sam.” Cas assured quickly not for the first time aware that this belief by Sam had been ingrained in him so deeply, it was no wonder things had turned out the way they had. “If you were you and I would not be standing here. You may not believe in yourself, Sam, and you may not believe that God believes in you, but I assure you he does. Not only that, but I believe in you, and your brother believes in you. So, I need you to find peace with yourself Sam. I need you to let yourself heal from both your own actions and Ruby’s manipulations. I need you to allow yourself to find your confidence again, because while my superiors may think Dean going at this on his own is for the best, I do not agree. I have no doubt that before all this is over, your brother will need not only yours and others help to complete his task.”
Taking a deep breath, Sam nodded and turned his head for a moment to see the stranger standing on the porch, watching him and Cas almost warily. “You really sent this guy to be my partner?”
“I did, Sam. You are not the only one who is seeking a chance to prove yourself, or who has been without umm companionship for too long?”
“Companionship?” Sam repeated, eyebrow quirked at the word selection.
“Yes,” Cas frowned wondering if he had used the wrong word. “He shares your… preferences. I know that it has been a long time since you have… indulged yourself, but I am told you and Lindsey are a perfect match. You will make a perfect… couple?”
Sam opened his mouth then shut it blinking at Castiel unable to comprehend that an angel was in front of him playing some weird heavenly version of the dating game. Surely he was misunderstanding, and this was just some weird way of referring to a hunting partner. “A couple? Are we talking hunting partners here Cass or… boyfriends?”
“We are aware you have not let yourself have that kind of… companionship since you left Stanford and began traveling with your brother again, but I can assure you he would not care Sam. You sexual preference is the last thing your brother cares for. All that would matter to him is that you are happy, and Lindsey will fit into your life quite well in all aspects.”
“I do not feel comfortable in revealing his past to you, but I can promise you Sam, that he not only understands your live, but has much experience in dealing with the… supernatural. Would it be so bad to just… give it a chance?”
Shaking his head Sam turned to look at Lindsey once more, only to turn back and find Castiel gone. Sighing and muttering under his breath about irritating angels, Sam turned once more and scratching the back of his head, headed toward the porch where Lindsey was watching him.
“S’not like I expect us to jump right into Ozzie and Harriet right off,” Lindsey said in way of greeting as Sam stepped up onto the porch then blushed at the younger man’s raised eyebrow. “I umm… over heard. Look I don’t know about this… heavenly matchmaker stuff myself but, well…” Lindsey looked down and sighed. “I haven’t always been the best person, and I’ve hurt a lot of people, and in the end I got screwed by both the good guys and the bad guys. Cas said… Well… he told me about your brother an… It’s just… I was there myself and… I’m so damn tired, Sam.”
Snorting Lindsey turned and walked down to the side of the porch, staring unseeing into the forest that surrounded the cabin. “Seems like my whole damn life I’ve been fightin’ for every damn thing, and always fuckin’ shit up. I just… I wanna belong somewhere, Sam. I want someone I can trust. I want… I’m so tired of being alone.”
Taking a deep breath, Sam nodded, understanding just how the other man felt, and admitted to himself, that maybe, just possibly it really wouldn’t be so bad to give this a shot. “Yeah man,” Sam assured heading over and laying a hand on Lindsey’s shoulder. When the shorter man turned, Sam lifted the same hand, running the backs of his fingers over Lindsey’s cheek. “I know exactly what you mean.”
Series TBC...
Author: KliqzAngel
Series: Story #1 in an as of yet untitled Sam Winchester/Lindsey McDonald AU Verse
Prompt #: 001 Tired for my 100 prompt Sam/Lindsey table
Characters: Sam Winchester, Lindsey McDonald, Castiel, OFC Doris, Mentions of Dean Winchester
Pairing: Pre-Sam/Lindsey
Content: Some Angst, Pre-Slash, AU
Rating: PG-13
Notes: No beta! So, mistakes are all my own.
Story Summary: Sam is tired. Lindsey is tired. The angels are playing matchmaker. This is the start of two lonely men finding companionship on their road to acceptance and redemption.
Series Master Post Here! Includes Series notes and summary.
Sighing deeply, Sam made his way up the long lane to the cabin he’d been crashing in. There was a small town nearby where he felt he could safely hide from the outside world, while at the same time possibly finding some of the sense of belonging he so desperately needed. Although he knew his presence would be whispered about, he hoped his status as an outsider would allow him to be left alone enough that he could quietly wallow in his guilt.
Logically Sam knew hiding was probably not the answer, and maybe a little bit childish making him feel even guiltier as if he was throwing some kind of temper tantrum for being excluded from “The Big One”. Realistically though he didn’t blame Dean in the least and wanted to make things as easy as possible for him. Sam had been the one to mess up. Sam was always the one to mess up, and when Dean seemed to have finally got sick of picking up after Sam’s messes, little brother left as quietly and unassuming as possible.
Surprisingly it was Castiel who helped Sam find this place. Sam had been wandering the roads, bags over one shoulder, hands stuffed in his pockets, feeling like maybe the nearest cliff would be the place to head to, when the outcast angel appeared suggesting Sam take refuge outside the nearby town. He had to admit he was more than a little reluctant to believe Castiel really wanted to help him, and still wondered if he only sought to cast Sam as far from Dean as possible, but the angel had insisted Sam was wrong. According to Cas, he merely wanted to help the younger Winchester and give him time to find his way back to the correct path.
Not having any other options at hand, Sam took the chance and followed Castiel’s instructions heading for the small town, going straight to the general store where Doris who owned and ran the place seemed to be waiting for him. After not much more than an “oh you poor baby” Sam was loaded down with anything and everything Doris deemed necessary and sent off to the cabin he was now calling home.
Every day Sam got up at the crack of dawn, and after going through training exercises that would leave even his father impressed and a quick easy breakfast, Sam headed to town to do whatever menial errands Doris needed attended to, sometimes around the store, sometimes for some local resident who needed an extra pair of hands. In exchange for his work, Doris kept his stomach filled, and his mind almost busy enough to forget he was responsible for bringing about the apocalypse.
He had no car. Sam chose instead to walk everywhere figuring if it wasn’t close enough to walk to then he didn’t need to go there. Eventually he wanted to get back to hunting, and didn’t know what he would do then, but figured that he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. So far though his weary mind and bruised soul probably weren’t up to the stress and concentration needed to make it out of a solo hunt alive. So, for now, Sam contented himself with stocking shelves and repairing roofs and squeaky hinges on doors to get through his day.
He was lonely though.
Sam was lonelier than he had ever been in his life. Even being separated from his family while he was at Stanford hadn’t been this bad. He had no contact with the outside world. His cell phone and computer were useless at the cabin, and most days he didn’t even bring the cell to town with him, where he knew he would get a signal, but frankly the silence he would get day after day when it didn’t ring would make his depression even worse than it already was. He hoped that Cas had kept his word to let Dean and Bobby know he was safe. He’d sent them each a text that he was ok. He’d wanted to tell them so much more, had so many things he wanted to say to them, to apologize to them fore, but in the end had left it at that. He just couldn’t handle the possibility that they just wouldn’t care to hear what he had to say, at least this way he still had the chance that some day they would see it in their hearts to at the very least not hate him.
As he reached point where the cabin finally came into view, Sam paused noticing a battered old pickup truck sitting not far from the open front door, the bed pointed towards the door seemed to be filled with random appliances and even what looked to be a generator. While he stood watching, a man came out of cabin, shitless and covered in tattoos at least from the waist up. Sam hadn’t realized he’d started moving again, until the guy lifted a hand in greeting. “You Sam?” He called, causing Sam to stop and frown suddenly more unsure of what this stranger was doing at his admittedly temporary home than he was intrigued by what he could now see were runic tattoos covering said stranger.
“Who are you?” Sam answered in way of greeting, knowing he sounded gruff and unfriendly but didn’t know how else to react. Surprises weren’t really his gig as of late.
“Name’s Lindsey. Lindsey McDonald to be exact. Cas said you were lookin’ for a partner, an’ that nice lady at the store sent me here.
Frowning Sam began to move forward again slowly, the new information doing nothing to sooth us feeling of unease. “Cas?” Sam questioned, feigning confusion, unwilling to just believe that Castiel cared enough about him to send him someone to ease his loneliness and isolation.
“I told you, God cares about you too, Sam Winchester,” Sam heard from behind, and jumping turned quickly to see Castiel standing behind him looking as solemn and intense as ever. “Cas? I don’t… what are you doing here?”
“I promised your brother I would watch out for you,” Cas said in way of answer, and Sam crossed his arms scowling. “Dean made it more than clear that I am not his first concern. I thought he was off playing warrior angel for you good guys? I find it hard to believe he has the time to even remember I exist, let alone worry about me.”
“Where has your faith gone, Sam?” Cas asked frowning now himself. “You should know by now that your brother cares about nothing and no one more than he does you. When I went to see him as you asked to assure him you were ok, I had a hard time keeping him from coming after you, and your staying out of contact isn’t helping.”
Sensing Sam’s guilt only increasing, Cas mentally shook himself, realizing this was not the appropriate strategy to take. Lately there were many things the angel didn’t agree with that either had been done or were being done, and the handling and manipulation of Sam Winchester was very close to the top of the list. “No matter what your brother does, Sam, he only wants you to be safe. He loves and misses you, Sam. It was only by our promise that we would insure no harm came to you while he was fighting this battle with Lucifer that he agreed to go through with his deal. I can tell you don’t believe this, Sam, but there is nothing your brother wants more than to make things right between the two of you.”
“How can he want that? Haven’t I caused enough trouble for him already? He has to be tired of saving my ass every time he turns around! I just… I just want him to not hate me. I just want to… I didn’t mean to…”
“I never wanted to be evil,” Sam finally whispered and Cas was certain that if he was human and had human feelings, this would have broken his heart. While Cas didn’t understand Sam’s actions, he’d seen enough of Sam’s life, both past and present, to know this was a loving, intelligent, man who deeply cared for others, but no one more than his older brother. There was no doubt in the angel’s mind that Sam had never at any time intended for anything that had come about to actually happen. He was certain that had Sam not been battling influence and manipulation both direct and indirect from both heaven and hell that things would have turned out much differently.
Cas believed that Sam deserved the chance to redeem himself as much as he believed Sam could redeem himself. “You are not evil, Sam.” Cas assured quickly not for the first time aware that this belief by Sam had been ingrained in him so deeply, it was no wonder things had turned out the way they had. “If you were you and I would not be standing here. You may not believe in yourself, Sam, and you may not believe that God believes in you, but I assure you he does. Not only that, but I believe in you, and your brother believes in you. So, I need you to find peace with yourself Sam. I need you to let yourself heal from both your own actions and Ruby’s manipulations. I need you to allow yourself to find your confidence again, because while my superiors may think Dean going at this on his own is for the best, I do not agree. I have no doubt that before all this is over, your brother will need not only yours and others help to complete his task.”
Taking a deep breath, Sam nodded and turned his head for a moment to see the stranger standing on the porch, watching him and Cas almost warily. “You really sent this guy to be my partner?”
“I did, Sam. You are not the only one who is seeking a chance to prove yourself, or who has been without umm companionship for too long?”
“Companionship?” Sam repeated, eyebrow quirked at the word selection.
“Yes,” Cas frowned wondering if he had used the wrong word. “He shares your… preferences. I know that it has been a long time since you have… indulged yourself, but I am told you and Lindsey are a perfect match. You will make a perfect… couple?”
Sam opened his mouth then shut it blinking at Castiel unable to comprehend that an angel was in front of him playing some weird heavenly version of the dating game. Surely he was misunderstanding, and this was just some weird way of referring to a hunting partner. “A couple? Are we talking hunting partners here Cass or… boyfriends?”
“We are aware you have not let yourself have that kind of… companionship since you left Stanford and began traveling with your brother again, but I can assure you he would not care Sam. You sexual preference is the last thing your brother cares for. All that would matter to him is that you are happy, and Lindsey will fit into your life quite well in all aspects.”
“I do not feel comfortable in revealing his past to you, but I can promise you Sam, that he not only understands your live, but has much experience in dealing with the… supernatural. Would it be so bad to just… give it a chance?”
Shaking his head Sam turned to look at Lindsey once more, only to turn back and find Castiel gone. Sighing and muttering under his breath about irritating angels, Sam turned once more and scratching the back of his head, headed toward the porch where Lindsey was watching him.
“S’not like I expect us to jump right into Ozzie and Harriet right off,” Lindsey said in way of greeting as Sam stepped up onto the porch then blushed at the younger man’s raised eyebrow. “I umm… over heard. Look I don’t know about this… heavenly matchmaker stuff myself but, well…” Lindsey looked down and sighed. “I haven’t always been the best person, and I’ve hurt a lot of people, and in the end I got screwed by both the good guys and the bad guys. Cas said… Well… he told me about your brother an… It’s just… I was there myself and… I’m so damn tired, Sam.”
Snorting Lindsey turned and walked down to the side of the porch, staring unseeing into the forest that surrounded the cabin. “Seems like my whole damn life I’ve been fightin’ for every damn thing, and always fuckin’ shit up. I just… I wanna belong somewhere, Sam. I want someone I can trust. I want… I’m so tired of being alone.”
Taking a deep breath, Sam nodded, understanding just how the other man felt, and admitted to himself, that maybe, just possibly it really wouldn’t be so bad to give this a shot. “Yeah man,” Sam assured heading over and laying a hand on Lindsey’s shoulder. When the shorter man turned, Sam lifted the same hand, running the backs of his fingers over Lindsey’s cheek. “I know exactly what you mean.”
Series TBC...